Warnings: Alcohol abuse. Language.
Disclaimer: This is a work of FanFiction using characters from the Alex Rider series, intellectual property and copyright of Anthony Horowitz.
Ben looked up at the light blue door in front of them as the nurse entered. She just placed some scrubs on the side and Ben went back to picking the dried blood of his hands in silence.
"They'll be someone to look at your injuries along momentarily." She said quietly before she walked out of the room.
Curiously Ben twisted his hands and wasn't surprised to find cuts around them from where nails had dug into them tightly. By his side Snake stood up with a sigh. Ben looked up at the man, whose hands were in a similar state to his, and the clothes he was wearing that had splatters of what was obviously blood on them.
"Ben." Eagle said quietly from his other side, Ben looked at him with what felt like unseeing eyes. "Go wash them, mate."
"I find it quite fitting that we literally have his blood on our hands."
There was silence in the room following his statement, Ben just looked back down at his hands and continued picking at them. He didn't see Eagle look at Snake seriously as he stood up, "I'm going to go make sure Luke is alright."
"Why did you send him away?" Ben asked dully as he watched the door close, he dragged his eyes to Snake who was watching him with a wary expression.
"Because the last thing he needs to see right now is you fall apart." Snake shrugged and walked over to the scrubs that were placed on the side, "You know what he's like."
"I'm not falling apart."
"No." Snake agreed as he separated the scrubs into two piles, "But if Cub doesn't make it, you will."
Ben just watched as Snake walked over to the sink and twisted the hot tap on. The Scot looked over his shoulder expectantly and Ben walked over. He pushed the plunger of the soap bottle, and watched as the soap landed in his hand and made a small pool. He waited, rubbing his hands gently together as Snake rinsed his before moving into his spot. He watched curiously as the water turned red as he rinsed them before squeezing more soap into his hands and rubbing them together again. He rinsed them again and the water was still red. He stared at it for a second before depositing yet more soap into his hand and scrubbing them together more roughly, feeling the alcohol and particles in the soap cutting into his hands as he did so. He repeated the action four more times, each time watching as the scolding hot water ran red. He turned them over with a frown, checking he hadn't missed any before he put more soap on them. Snake appeared at his side with a confused look and now dressed in scrubs. Snake pushed his hands under the tap one last time before shoving a towel into his hands.
"That's yours from those cuts." Snake muttered with a frown on his face, "Not his."
Ben nodded mutely and watched his reflection as he dried his hands in the small mirror above the sink. The face looking back at him wasn't one he recognised. He looked gaunt, the bags under his eyes were dark and his skin tight around his features. The dull lifeless eyes that stared back at him weren't something he'd never seen set in his face and he looked at them curiously. Ben ducked his head with a sigh and watched as all that remained of the blood they'd washed off were clear sparkling bubbles as they popped or disappeared down the drain.
Ben took a deep steadying breath and looked back up, his eyes catching onto the red that stained his shirt. He was vaguely surprised, although it didn't show, of how much of it there was on his clothes. He just looked at it for a long while, running backwards through the evenings events before coming to the point where everything had gone so fucked up that it just stopped forming any coherent sense in his brain. He knew the alcohol he had consumed wasn't blameless for the lack of sense, but still it didn't feel like this was actually happening. Numbly, he pulled off his shirt and unfolded the scrubs that had been left for him. He pulled the shirt over his head and he could feel Snake watching his every move. It wasn't until he pulled the light blue slacks on that he spoke.
"This isn't real."
Snake just sighed, "Yes it is."
"It can't be." Ben countered, "He was dead, Quinn. People don't just come back to life."
"Then he never died."
Ben clicked his mouth closed, his mind whirring at double speed to figure out the date and timeline before he dropped himself into the chair next to Snake with a sigh.
"Then why the hell did it take him five weeks to get back?"
Snake didn't answer, and Ben found he was grateful to not have to be witness to the mental cinema any response would have given him.
"You need to sleep off that alcohol Ben." Snake said firmly. Ben, recognizing a warning when he heard one, pulled his feet up onto the hospital bench and leant his head back against the wall, knowing all too well that sleep wouldn't come to him anytime soon.
Ben looked up when he heard the door to their room open, and he found Snake laid out on the waiting benches to the side of him, seemingly asleep. He let out a breath when he saw Eagle poke his head through the gap with a curious look. When recognition showed in his eyes, he pushed the door open fully and Ben put a finger to his lips as he gestured at Snake. Eagle nodded once and gestured outside. Ben stood, aware that he was wearing no shoes when the balls of his feet hit the cold tiles and padded out of the room. He eased the door closed behind him.
"Where's Wolf?" Ben asked, Eagle rubbed the back of his neck.
"Gone to see the psych. Got to pick him up in an hour."
Ben looked around for a clock with a frown. Eagle held his wrist up and Ben glanced at the watch, "It's 4am."
"He had to go. Otherwise I was going to bring him here to get checked for shock."
"That bad?" Ben questioned. Eagle stretched his arms as he yawned.
"Got a spare seat in there?"
Ben nodded once and opened the door quietly once again. He relinquished his seat so to not awaken the sleeping Snake and sat on the floor with his back to the wall. Eagle sat down beside the Scot's feet carefully.
"How long has he been sleeping?" he whispered. Ben shrugged.
"Few hours I guess. I don't know, I didn't realise he'd fallen asleep."
Eagle just nodded and scrunched his jacket into a ball and leant his head against it on the wall. "Wake me in an hour so I can go get Luke? Otherwise there'll be three of us in this dump."
"Of course." Ben muttered as he yawned. He leant his own head back against the wall and took a deep breath. He listened as Eagle's breathing evened out and his mind wondered back to all the nights spent in a wooden shack in Wales. The feeling he got now was vaguely familiar and he finally acknowledged the fact he missed his team. The sounds each of them made in their sleep was familiar to his practiced ear, Snake low and deep breathing, Eagle shorter with a hint of a snore. He found it was odd hearing them without hearing Wolf's and he knew that beyond any measure of a doubt he hadn't meant what he'd said.
In hindsight he'd accepted he was angry and bitter over the fact that the man had done what he was supposed to, but it had come at a cost Ben had never thought he would have to pay. He made a mental note to apologise before he stood, determined to find the closest coffee machine.
Ben picked at the bandages on his wrists from where Alex's nails had cut at him. Eagle had long since left to pick up Wolf, and Snake was out having a cigarette. He was alone with his thoughts once again, and he leant his head over the back of the bench with a sigh as he realised how tired he was. He snatched his head upright when the door opened, hoping to see Eagle back once again to fill the quiet of the room.
He was disappointed.
Mrs Jones walked into the room with a nod at him. "You're dismissed of your post Daniels."
Ben blinked at her dumbly, trying to make a sentence that made some sort of sense. Nothing came to him and he stood, his fingers still pulling at a loose thread on the dressing.
"Daniels." He turned at the door and Mrs Jones was looking at him critically, "You are to see Huhne tomorrow at 2pm. We additionally require you and your ex unit to be in my office at 4pm. There is an escort to return you to your premises."
Ben just nodded as he snatched the bag that held his bloodied clothes and slammed the door behind him. He debated going to find Snake before he saw someone determinedly walking towards him, thinking better of it he turned and stalked towards the rear entrance of the hospital looking up when he heard quiet steps settle in to place next to him.
"Sheathy." He said tensely, the woman frowned at him.
"Daniels. You look like shit."
"Wonder why." Ben murmured. Sheath said nothing but smiled grimly at the floor as they walked. "Jones know you're here?"
"Of course." Sheath responded tersely, "I'm not sure you want to hear why though."
Ben just raised a questioning eyebrow at her, and the woman shrugged, her now long hair bouncing with the motion.
"I don't need a baby sitter." Ben reasoned and Sheath shook her head.
"Please, I'm probably the biggest bitch you've met." She stated, "You really think they would send me to look after someone? I'm meant to make sure you get home is all."
Ben felt the familiar tug of humour at the side of his lips. It dropped pretty quickly.
"You're meant to stop me from coming back here?" Ben asked bluntly. Sheath gave him a pointed look and pushed the fire doors open as they reached them in the depths of the building. Ben frowned when he saw there was a driver in the seat already.
"As if I could, or would, stop you if you wanted too."
He said nothing in response and climbed into the car. She didn't look likely to speak and Ben acknowledged the fact that inside this vehicle, there was someone that would relay their words. It was an uncomfortable tension that took hold as they travelled, and Ben felt it dragging at his sleep deprived eyes. He was thankful his place was less than 10 minute's car drive away from the hospital. Any longer and he would probably have demanded they stop so he could get out of that particular atmosphere. Sheath didn't stay in the car like he expected her too when he climbed out. Instead, she grabbed a bag from the boot of the car and slung it over her shoulder before jogging up the steps after him.
"What?"
"One night." Sheath sighed, "Orders are orders."
Ben just opened the door with a roll of his eyes and walked in quickly. Sheath slipped her shoes off and looked around curiously.
"Well," she said quietly. Ben turned to look at her from half way down the hall, "Your place is a right dump."
He didn't respond and walked back into the lounge, deliberately ignoring the blood stains that were on the wall and floor and picked up the opened bottle of vodka on the table. Sheath appeared in the doorway, her eyes widening before going back to watching him carefully.
"What happened?" She asked seriously, reaching a hand out to touch the liquid that would be bound to be dry by now.
"Unfortunately," Ben announced waving the bottle in his hand with a flourish, "That would be classified."
"I have your level of clearance-oh." Her face showed understanding and Ben looked at her enquiringly before she frowned and walked into the kitchen. Ben heard a tap turn on and she appeared a couple of seconds later with a sponge and bowl of soapy water.
He watched curiously as she started to wipe the wall down with the material in her hand. "What do you know?"
"Whispers." Sheath responded turning to him with the sponge dripping on the floor, "If you think people don't talk in our office, you're mistaken. And I'm hoping for the kid's sake it isn't Jones' son as some have suggested."
Ben slumped onto the sofa with his bottle in his hand, "I wouldn't know the gossip."
"Yeah, your absence has been noted." Sheath remarked offhandedly. "You alright?"
"Not really." Ben admitted, immediately she placed the sponge into the bowl that was on the floor before moving over to sit next to him. "Don't know how shit got so fucked up."
"Well, I'm going to assume what was meant to be the worst case, turned out to be a little less so looking at those," she gestured to the marks on the wall. Ben didn't look at them. "So that means he just needs to wake up. Do a debriefing than tell them to go to hell afterwards, right?"
"You didn't see him Sheathy. He flat-lined when we got there." There was a pause and Ben took a swig of the spirit from the bottle.
"We?"
"Unit." Ben responded simply. Sheath nodded thoughtfully.
"Good to know you weren't completely on your own." She said with a tentative smile as she patted him on the knee, he looked at her hand curiously noting the comforting warmth on the blue scrubs he was wearing before it was removed and she stood up quickly. "How about I order us some completely shit takeaway and we watch a DVD?"
"Sheathy, are you asking me to Netflix and chill with you?" Ben asked, it sounded too dead to be banter. Sheath just gave him a pointed look and the man let out a tense huff of laughter as he ran his hand through his scruffy hair.
"You wish, Daniels." She gave him a grim smile as she pulled her phone from her pocket. "Thai or Indian?"
Knock knock knock
Ben blinked owlishly as the sound cut through his consciousness, it sounded again this time with a yell and he groaned as he sat up, the duvet from his bed that had been draped over him falling to cover only his legs. He shivered and shut his eyes, massaging his temples slowly.
"Ben. Open up you fucktard."
Ben glanced into his hallway and stood up slowly, looking around the room. The marks on the wall and floor were gone and all the takeaway containers and beer bottles cleared. It actually looked properly tidy for the first time in god knows how long.
"Sheathy?" he called up the stairs as he walked out into the hallway, frowning when there was no response. He headed to the front door where the knocks were becoming more and more insistent and glanced at the deadlock that was open and wondered if he had forgotten to do it last night. He mentally shrugged and pulled the door open to show Snake and Eagle stood at his door. He stood to one side as they trooped into the house, and he heard Eagles surprise from the cleanliness of his lounge as he walked in.
Ben walked back down the hall with a small frown on his face, glancing in the lounge before walking to the kitchen. Still no sign. He ignored his unit members as they walked into the kitchen and headed for the kettle. Ben ran up the stairs, stopping outside the bathroom to hear if the shower was running and then checking each room. None of them had been slept in.
He rubbed the back of his neck with a confused look on his face before he went to grab his phone and noticed it wasn't in his pocket. Running down the stairs he heard the others congregated in his kitchen.
"Is my phone in there?" he yelled as he walked into the lounge and started to check the sofa cushions.
"Yeah. It's on the side." Snake called back. Ben let out a sigh of relief and walked into the kitchen to see Eagle stood with a half full bottle of whiskey and vodka in his hand. Ben took the phone from Snake and raised an eyebrow at Eagle who was looking guilty as he'd ever seen. The red head shrugged and threw the bottles in the bin that Snake was holding up. Ben just unlocked his phone and sent a quick text.
Where you gone?
"Why are you throwing my stuff away?" Ben asked as he put his phone down on the table. He took the coffee Snake offered with a grateful look and Eagle shrugged. Taking a sip of his coffee, he noted the fact none of them were looking directly at him as his phone beeped.
At work. Check microwave. Speak soon :)
Ben stood up and walked over to the named appliance with a curious eye, pulling it open he was presented with one of the best things a hungover mind could be. He shut the door on the bacon sandwich and he twisted the timer to reheat the meal.
"Whoever your housekeeper is Benjy, we need to borrow her." Eagle stated as he peered in the window with a curious look. Ben just let out a tired huff of laughter and pulled his hand through his grimy hair with a cringe. He glimpsed his keys on the kitchen side by the sink and he pushed past Eagle and picked them up with a frown.
"I thought I put these on the hook." He muttered, tucking them into his pocket. He thought he saw a nervous glance between the other two, and was about to mention it until the microwave pinged his food was ready and the thought was forgotten for a moment. He took a bite of the sandwich, that was somewhat soggy due to being reheated but good enough for its purpose. He looked up as two tablets were put on the table, he recognized them as aspirin and muttered a thank you to Snake as the medic picked up his coffee once again. He chewed thoughtfully trying to figure how both his phone and keys weren't where he'd left them before realisation clicked into place and he took another slow bite from his sandwich before looking at the two men in the room.
"What time did Monica turn up at yours?" Ben asked simply, he wondered if he really did sound as tired as he thought or if his brain was playing tricks on him. Eagle choked on his coffee and Ben just gave him a raised eyebrow before he looked at a sheepish looking Snake.
"Just gone three this morning." Snake admitted, Ben took another bite of his sandwich and nodded gently. He glanced at his phone and wondered if it was worth berating her now or later.
"She asked us to come over." Eagle provided. Ben looked up at him, hearing the somewhat wayward tone he used whenever the woman was mentioned.
"She yelled at you?"
"No. She did square up to Wolf though." Snake explained as he sat down, placing the coffee mug on the table. "I'm not quite sure she's completely sane."
Ben gave a small tired laugh and looked down at the empty plate before rubbing his temples with his thumbs carefully. "I need to shower."
"Go at it then Foxy." Eagle said as he slumped into the seat beside Snake, "We got to get you to your shrink in an hour."
Ben sat on the chairs with Snake and Eagle to either side of him. He watched as the door clicked open and a suited individual left the office, pausing at the reception desk to be handed a USB stick before he gave Ben a simple nod and walked away. He took a deep breath, his session with Huhne was still pulling at his brain and the nervous glances Snake was shooting at him occasionally weren't helping.
Footsteps approached and he looked up to see Demery walking towards them, Ben noted the lines on his face that had increased in the last year and the tense hand that was offered to Wolf and the others. He himself received a curt nod and Ben returned it carefully.
"How you been, Daniels?" Demery asked as he glanced down at the file he was holding.
"Okay." Ben agreed, "Yourself?"
"Been better." Demery said with that small smile that didn't belong in these halls. "Miss me yet?"
"Jones' is alright."
"Shame about Blunt." Demery whispered in a teasing tone. Ben felt a tense and not completely honest smile move onto his face and the older man gave him a knowing look. Ben stood awkwardly for a second and Demery looked over the group with a frown, his eyes stopping on Wolf. "I heard what happened. Losing one, I know from experience, is hard. Losing two is beyond my comprehension. I'm sorry."
Ben wondered if the atmosphere could have taken a more awkward turn, and he just kicked his foot against the red carpet.
"Thank you." Wolf replied evenly, Ben looked at him. Demery glanced at the receptionist when his name was called for admittance and he nodded once at her with a small smile that seemed somewhat resigned. The man spared them one last glance before he turned for the door. Snake peered around at him.
"Isn't he deputy head?" Snake asked simply. Ben nodded. "Then how does he not know abo-"
Ben shook his head with a nod at the receptionist and Snake snapped his mouth closed with a confused but grim look on his face.
"Good Afternoon, gentlemen." Mrs Jones stated as they entered the room. Ben looked around to see Blunt stood at the side of the desk with a bored look on his face. "Sit."
Four chairs were pulled out almost in unison and they took their seats. Ben noted how uncomfortable the others looked here, he could have laughed. He didn't.
"This is a formal procedure for notification of a change in status as required by your contracts with each of your respective organisations." She started. Ben let his eyes drift to the man stood by the side of her. When he saw he was being watched he didn't remove his eyes, instead just staring back at the cold grey that watched him. Assessed him.
"Firstly I wish to thank you for your actions last night. You did what you were trained to do in a timely manner in a most un-expected circumstance. You all understand that you are entitled by law to not speak in any context about Rider and any operation you may have been a witness too. You all agreed prior to deployment by signing the OSA that any details of the case you were involved in were to remain confidential, by such standards we have deemed it necessary to remove your duty of care from your previously appointed psychiatrists. Going forwards you will have access to our delegated individuals. If you are away, they will be transported to you. Is that understood?"
"With all due respect M'am, SAS psych's are vetted." Snake said simply, Ben tore his eyes away from Blunt to glance at Snake before looking straight back at the cold eyes that were overseeing the proceedings.
"And with all due respect Mr McCarthy, they aren't to our standards." Jones responded simply, "With the change in Riders circumstance, we have been required to re-assess our duty of care with respect to certain individuals who are aware of his presence. Daniels, you remain with Huhne."
"I don't understand." Eagle said, "They are our psych's we've been with them for three years. It's not like we are escorting old ladies across a road."
Ben wondered in the back of his mind why Blunt was here. Normally he was present purely in his and Alex's briefing and debriefing meetings. He'd heard the stories and the suspicions of everyone. He knew the man was dangerous, not just to the body, but to the mind. If he had ever thought that the whispers weren't true, he would've believed them now as the man's eye contact didn't break. Ben wondered what he was planning.
"Noted, but the SAS are a known unit. Rider is an international secret. He undertakes high profile and high risk missions on a more regular basis than you gentlemen clean your shoes." Ben saw in the corner of his eye as Eagle glanced down to his feet. "Agent Daniels will understand better than most why we keep his work, and moreover his personal status, hidden from prying eyes. What you witnessed in Croatia may be discussed between yourselves and your psychiatrists, and no one else. Am I understood?"
There was a mumbled chorus of consent. Ben said nothing, instead he kept his eyes focused on Blunt.
"Why are we here?" Ben asked simply. He thought for a moment he saw Blunts lips twitch at the sides in approval. He dismissed the thought and turned his eyes to Jones. "You've never felt the need to threaten me with the OSA previously. Why start now?"
"That is not for discussion with this audience." Blunt said simply, Ben snapped his eyes back to the man and he narrowed his eyes slightly.
"You don't trust them." Ben stated. It wasn't a question and again he thought he saw that look in Blunts eye of approval and Ben stood up. "The operation was compromised."
"Agent Daniels." Mrs Jones said in a clipped voice. Ben looked at her, "Sit down. As a member of this Establishment you have been trained to be able to restrain yourself from acting impetuously. The rest of you are dismissed."
The silence that was in the room changed to the sound of chairs moving against carpets and the thudding footsteps as the three men left the room. The noise stopped as the door clicked to a close. Ben turned his eyes back to Blunt, before they flicked to Mrs Jones when she spoke.
"Need we remind you, that should you discuss happenings of your missions with those beyond your immediate and in attendance peers, the repercussions will be most severe."
Ben just stared at her warily as Blunt thoughtfully put his hand down on the table.
"Agent Daniels." Blunt said slowly. Ben looked back towards him and tried to stop the raised eyebrow he wanted to give at the man's monotone voice. "From your file I can see that you are a highly recommended agent, who has proven to be steady and calm within the field. May I ask what has changed in a public setting?"
Ben clicked his teeth together tightly and said nothing as he sat back down in his chair. He looked back at the man with a determined gaze.
"I'm yet to view your latest session notes from Huhne and his observations on your current behaviour." Blunt continued carefully, he tapped his finger on the table top as he spoke. "But as it stands right now you are treading a very thin line between that of a skilled agent and someone we would consider dangerous to our cause. I suggest you take advantage of the unlimited access to services we provide to ensure you stay on the right side of that line."
"I'm seeing Huhne again tomorrow." Ben returned, his face calm once again as he looked evenly at the dull grey man. Blunt nodded his approval.
"What we are here to discuss," Mrs Jones said slowly, "Are the arrangements surrounding Rider. And what it is we need from you to secure such arrangements."
Ben blinked and he looked back at Blunt with a plain face, seeing the man's lips twitch at the sides once again.
"We are in a situation where we can't house him." She continued slowly, "We could give him a room here, but it's been agreed that won't be suitable for either party. We could also give him individual housing in a flat externally from the building much like he was a resident of prior to dispatch. However due to the rather extensive injury list we are looking at, we do not deem him fit for residence alone. We need to know he will be protected in whatever surroundings he is kept in, which is why we are looking to you Daniels."
Ben turned his head back to her. "What? He's not staying with me."
"This isn't a request. The house you currently reside in is property of the Royal & General bank. Alex Rider will be staying with you until such a time he is ready to move into accommodation alone that we will secure for him. The thing we need from you is to provide stability. Not this monstrosity you have fallen into in the last 5 weeks."
"His family?"
"Deceased." Blunt stated firmly.
"All of them?" There was no response and Ben looked at the floor with a frown. He hadn't known that.
"The individuals you saw at his "funeral" were people that agreed to take care of him when he was 15. He told us he wanted to move out 11 months ago. We agreed and secured him accommodation to do just that." Jones explained, "Rider takes very little "caring for", he is mostly an independent individual as I'm sure you understand. At most he will require a bandage or two to be changed once he is discharged. If it provides too much of an obstacle to either party, we will reassess at a later date."
Ben felt as he tensed, he knew this wasn't open to discussion and he looked at Blunt evenly. "What do you need from me?"
"A clean report from Huhne. Alex will be discharged in a week."
"Fine. What about assignments?" Ben asked evenly. Blunt was still watching him, it made his skin crawl.
"This is an assignment of sorts." Mrs Jones responded simply. "You will not be deployed until such a time he is deemed fit to reside alone. We are looking at a context of up to two months. Consider it your annual leave."
Ben climbed out the van as it pulled up to St Dominic's Hospital. In the daylight the interior shone through to the street, looking more like a hotel reception than a hospital. He steeled himself and turned when he felt a hand tap his back. Eagle had the front driver's side window rolled down.
Ben leant against it, and took a deep breath. "Chin up Benjy. You're staying with us tonight."
"Yeah." He agreed, not that it was a question anyway. Eagle just gave an encouraging smile and leant back in his seat, as he revved the engine. Ben stood back from the window with a grim face.
"Wish him the best from us."
Ben watched the van pull back out on the busy London street and he turned to look at the classy hospital reception as he walked in. In the back of his mind he vaguely wondered if he would even be allowed to see his soon to be "roomie" and he set his mind to expecting nothing of the company they both worked for.
"Can I help you?" A cheerful receptionist asked as he approached, somewhere he noted in his sleep hazed mind that she was attractive. Shaking the thought away a second later as the smile on her face morphed to concern when he didn't immediately answer. Ben eased a smile onto his face and hers instantly re-appeared and she relaxed.
"I'm looking for Alex Rider, please."
Ben waited, and he felt like running a hand through his hair but settled for tucking his hand into his pocket. The receptionist looked up and gave him an apologetic smile, he awaited the declination with no surprise on his face.
"Sorry about that." She said cheerily, "Sometimes technology just doesn't want to co-operate. Floor 5, room 12"
Ben glanced up at the camera behind the desk and noticed as it followed his first steps as he walked away from the desk. He was fairly sure slow technology was the issue with the few seconds delay. He bid the receptionist a goodbye over his shoulder and walked towards the silver lifts. He pushed the call button and spared a glance around the open foyer of the hospital. People were congregated in small groups. Some placid, some cheerful, there was an older couple over in the corner that look as though they were in mourning as they exited from the stairwell. He was tempted to muse over what could have caused their sadness, but the ding of the lift interrupted his thoughts.
He looked around the interior of the lift with a careful eye, noticing the artwork at either side that was obviously custom drawn. He smirked slightly as he thought about how dangerous and conceited the job you held within SO was masked by its pretty walls, both here and in the bank. Both buildings had a certain prestige about them, combining the traditional and modern art styles to create something that really was spectacular to see.
He pinched his lips together as he tried to figure which of the two buildings concealed the worst secrets.
All too soon the lift had reached level 5 and he walked out again. Not missing the camera that followed him as he exited the lift this time. He wondered if he should give it a sarcastic wave, before squashing the thought. He could already see the room he was headed towards. Two armed guards were stood outside, the nurses that moved up and down the halls just moved around them as if they weren't there without taking a bit of notice. He recognised one of the guards as he approached and he nodded a greeting to him. The guard just reached out a hand and Ben held thumb out expectantly. The machine that was pushed against his thumb beeped before a green light flashed and the guard stood to one side.
"Good luck, Daniels."
Ben gave him a grim smile before he reached out a hand and pushed the door open, ducking inside and closing it quickly behind him. It was dark inside the room and Ben blinked a couple of times to force his eyes to adjust. The blinds at the window were drawn and the steady beep of a monitor made his eyes drift towards the green line that moved slowly in a motion across it. Cautiously he took a step forwards, making sure his step was light in the silent room. It was the ventilator that caught his eye as the bag extended and collapsed in a rhythmic motion. He watched it curiously for a second, before he looked towards the body it was feeding air too.
Ben hadn't known what to expect, but the amount of tubes and wires weren't the thing that made him stare. It was instead the one larger tube he could see that entered through the stomach rather than an arm or mouth. He watched curiously as he recognized the red-brown tinge to the tubing before reaching his hand out for the clipboard. Ben didn't expect to be able to read the doctor's scrawl notes on the back, but it was worth a try.
He took a final step to right beside the bed to look down on the blonde haired agent with a frown. Ben had never really noticed it before, but people in hospital beds looked small. He knew Alex wasn't, the younger agent was almost his height, falling short by only 1-2 inches. He thought with a twitch of a smile that the young man's hair was getting ridiculously long and was so scruffy it stood on end. It could have made up those 2 inches easily.
Ben didn't reach out a hand to pat it down, or make to touch any part of the blonde in a comforting way. Ben knew he wouldn't feel it, and he was more worried about hitting one of the tubes or wires than doing anything good for him.
Ben turned his head when he heard the door open behind him, not too worried due to the guards being outside and he spotted the white coat of a doctor. Ben nodded a greeting and the stern looking doctor gave him a tight smile as he picked up the chart from the end of the bed before moving to one of the monitor's. Ben didn't say anything instead he just watched and waited for the doctor to finish. He sat down in the chair by the side of the bed, twisting his fingers together with a frown on his face.
"You are his brother?"
"No." Ben returned as he looked up, "I'm his partner."
"In his work?"
"Of course." Ben said quickly, hiding the frown from that comment.
"Well, we can never be too sure." The doctor replied, the man moved for the door and he stopped, "As his partner, I supremely hope these injuries aren't due to your own inadequacies. He's remarkably lucky to be here."
Ben didn't say anything in response, instead he just re-ran the words over in his head as the doctor gave him a stern look and left the room. Ben stood quickly, determining the sound of the heart monitor was disturbing his thought process and fuck it felt like he couldn't breathe in the sterile hospital air anymore. He spared the bed once last serious look, before he turned and walked out of the room, wishing the door opened outwards so he could've seriously inflicted some damage to the men "guarding" the room.
Ben shoved the keys into the door as he walked up the steps to the unit house. He hadn't bothered to call Eagle as he said he would, instead he'd walked the two hour route from the hospital accompanied by a bottle of whiskey he'd brought from Tesco. It was gone before he'd even stepped foot onto the familiar road. He had picked at the bandages on his wrists and he could feel they were becoming loose as he'd mulled over the doctor's words.
He didn't call hello to anyone that was in the lounge as he walked in, instead heading straight into the kitchen and sitting down at the table. He wasn't drunk, he was close to it, but not quite. He wished he'd grabbed a second bottle when the realisation of exactly what he had gotten himself into hit him.
It had been at about halfway, that the thoughts he hadn't even acknowledged for two years started resurfacing at a rate that was almost overwhelming. He knew what they were asking him to do. He just didn't know if he could do. Ben was pulled from his thoughts when he heard a quiet sigh that came from Snake stood in the doorway.
"Got any whiskey?" Ben asked quietly. He looked up when there was no response to see Eagle watching him with a concerned expression. Ben pulled another long thread out of the loose bandage on his wrist, surprised when the whole thing slid on his arm, showing the cut lines underneath. He pulled it off and threw it on the table, peering at the markings with a small frown. Some were quite deep, he mused, but they didn't hurt. He saw as Snake slid into the seat beside him and Ben looked evenly at him.
"Talk." Snake said simply. Ben let out a huff of laughter.
"About what?" He asked, and really as his mind worked back through all the comings and goings of the last five weeks, he wouldn't have known where to start.
"How's Cub?"
"I don't know. I was only in the room for five minutes and I can't read doctors notes." Ben replied with a sarcastic smile. He watched as Snake glanced at Eagle and he waited for the red head to speak. He didn't.
"So where were you?" Snake asked. Ben shrugged, "Ben, come on. We aren't stupid, I can smell you've been drinking."
"And?" Ben asked indignantly, he stopped fiddling with the one remaining bandage, roughly tugging it off his wrist and threw it with the other one in the middle of the kitchen table. "It wasn't "your inadequacies" that caused any of this, so don't lecture me, Quinn."
"Your inadequacies." Snake echoed dully. Ben looked at him evenly before he dropped his head onto his arms. "Maybe whoever said that was right."
That got him to look up and Ben stared at the medic in front of him, "What?"
"Maybe they were right. I mean looking at you now, this isn't a Ben I know. I don't know what you are capable of." Snake explained calmly. Ben heard Eagle shift behind him awkwardly. "Look, you used to talk to us, and you were a damn sight better than you are now, so talk."
"About what?" Ben asked with a derisive laugh, he felt his blood thump in his ears. He couldn't decide if it was anger or the alcohol. "About Cub? I know nothing about him. I didn't even know the kid had no family Snake. In fact, I don't know him at all. Besides the fact he's a sarcastic and funny little shit if we get ourselves into trouble."
Snake leant back and Ben dropped his forehead onto the table. He heard rather than saw as Wolf walked into the room, hesitating before he flicked the kettle on in the corner.
"I don't even know what they are thinking with this. I can't live with him."
"You lived with us." Snake reminded carefully. Ben looked at him when he tilted his head to one side.
"Why does that even matter?" Ben snapped, "It's completely different."
"Tell Huhne that then." Snake answered dismissively. Ben stared at him and heard the insane laugh. He was surprised that it came from his own mouth, it sounded alien and distorted. Almost as alien and distorted as the last five weeks since everything had turned to complete shit. He knew the rules. He couldn't talk about it. He'd been silent for a moment too long and when Wolf spoke, he wasn't sure if he didn't want to hear the man's opinion or if he'd reached his cut off point where he just mentally stuck a middle finger up at the rules because fuck it he didn't know if he could take anymore.
"Just tell them-"
"That won't make the slightest bit of difference! When I signed my contract I knew about him working for them. That first secondment was on his assignment but they told me his files had been written off to archive, he was sent away and they'd stopped asking him to work for them. I never would have agreed to sign for them otherwise and then one day, the first fucking assignment after I sign a permanent contract guess who shows up? Double O fucking Nothing on my case and he stops me from getting a bullet in the brain by attacking someone who was holding a god damn gun while he was unarmed. And that was it, he was back, after just hearing one tiny bit of information whispered in some park in London he turns up. And I hate him for it."
Ben stood and walked towards the back door before turning back and he just paced back and forth not looking at any of them. To their credit, not one of the men in the room said anything. Ben wondered vaguely if Wolf had left. He didn't bother to check.
"But I shouldn't, because without him, I'd be dead. It's so fucking backwards all the damn time. He went missing on one operation, it took me three fucking days to find him. And when I finally fucking found him, he just sat there and told me everything that had happened as calmly as if he was discussing the fucking weather. It's fucking infuriating."
Ben stopped pacing and glared out into the back garden that was darkened by the night sky. Behind him, Eagle gave Snake a wary look. The Scottish man just placed one finger to his lips with a knowing smirk.
"This whole shit show of a job and that fucking kid are going to send me around the twist."
There was silence in the room as he finished and he slumped back into the chair at the table with a sigh. He didn't need to look at Eagle to know the man was unsurprised at his tirade. It wouldn't have been the first time they'd witnessed something of the sort and he knew in the back of his mind that Snake was always the one that managed to goad it out of him. Unsurprisingly he'd walked into it again. Ben rubbed the back of his neck uncertainly and he let out a short huff of raw sardonic laughter,
"Well, you've all been asking for over a year. Least if I die tomorrow you know right?"
"Shut up." Eagle reprimanded gently as he placed a glass on the table. Ben eyed it, and hoping to taste vodka he took a large mouthful, instead he just tasted water. He was faintly surprised by how refreshing it was on his throat. He could feel Snake watching him before he leant back in his chair slowly. The silence once again descended and Ben tilted his head back, rolling it from side to side trying to work the tiredness out of his muscles.
"Look, we all saw the same look on his face on that rooftop. He accepted that he was going to die." Ben murmured looking at Eagle as he sat down before he glanced at Snake on his other side. "I've seen that look on and off for the last three years and its so fucking wrong, but what the hell am I supposed to do?"
"Help him." Snake said simply as he stood up slowly, and he patted Ben's shoulder in a gesture that Ben knew was comforting from times of old when he had been the youngest unit member among them. Ben scowled and stood to grab the bottle of vodka he'd spotted on the side when he first came in. Eagle was beside him in an instant and grabbing the bottle he made a show of tipping the liquid inside into the sink. Ben pulled open the cupboard to grab a different drink of anything, only to find it empty. Ben sighed, one hand holding the cupboard open and he glanced at Eagle before turning his eyes to Snake who was stood in the doorway with a sterner than normal expression.
"You're in a shit state, Ben. I'm not going to yell at you, or get mad over anything you've said. I will however do both if you don't sort yourself out." Snake explained calmly, Ben raised an eyebrow at him. "Right now, you have two choices; you go upstairs, get in to bed and catch up on the sleep you've missed without being completely trashed. Or we drag you up there and lock you in."
Ben watched as the two men left the room and he stared after them. He truly was tired, of everything, but he knew they were right. He let out a huff of tense laughter and knew they meant well in their actions and that he could either take it or walk out completely. He knew which he wasn't doing and he headed towards the stairs, pausing by the open lounge door to see both of them sat watching a football match. Ben thought of just walking in and sitting down with them, before he felt an involuntary yawn leave his mouth. He saw the smile on Snake's face and he rubbed his eyes quickly.
"I really hate you guys sometimes."
"We know." Snake replied from where he was watching the TV, it was Eagle that looked around at him with a knowing smile.
"G'night Benjy."