My Teacher Tries to Eat Me (And Calls it Art)
Disclaimer: Percy Jackson belongs to Rick Riordan
St. Jimmy's was an interesting school. I was there for a week before the accusations started. The whole He torched a school, or Started a new cult and tried to feed his old class to a shark thing. Even though I was proven to be not guilty, the repeated incidents were making people believe I was very good at weaseling out of trouble. Ms. Harpy was nice to everyone except me, so she was definitely my evil monster foe. So far she's tried to poison me, electrocute me, and make me read Hamlet. Of course, fighting to the death with your teacher tends to get you in trouble. Back to my life!
I was sitting in art class next to a guy who probably hasn't brushed his teeth since 1993 while Ms. Harpy was lecturing us. We were supposed to draw a picture together, and thankfully the guy left to go work with someone else. That left me with Alex. Now Alex was the other "Criminally insane" kid in my class. He wore red and black and had short black hair. He looked normal enough unless you saw his left arm. It had a long scar on it. He was caught attacking random things in air and several old ladies. We started drawing together.
"So, how about them local sport teams?" I asked, trying to make small talk.
"Shut up," he breathed.
I wasn't really worried. He had a weird girlish-build. Unfortunately, Ms. Harper heard us. More unfortunate, while everybody talked, I was the only one who got punished for it. "Percy, come see me after class," she said sweetly.
"You beter bring it on," I whispered. "I have Riptide and Timmy with me!" Indecently Timmy could be shrunk to any size but it had limits to how big it could get. We completed our painting of the sea. Well, I did the sea. He draw a lot of death and destruction on the shore line.
"Percy, your behaviour is creating problems for the other learners," she said sweetly, eyeing me like I was a naughty five year old. "You will be punished," she whispered and my hand flew to Timmy. When there were no regular mortals in the class I could see Ms. Harpy a bit more clearly. And right now her hand changed to a long blue talon. "Lord Zeus has given me permission to-" she cut off and stared.
Alex was staring at Ms Harpy like he could see her talons too. But the mist returns with mortals. Alex was here but that mist wasn't so that means...Alex is a half blood too.
"Not this again! Why won't you things leave me alone?" Alex was panicking. He ran off before either me or Ms. Harpy could speak.
"We will continue our discussion later," growled Ms. Harpy.
"Yes, Ms.," I replied, before running off after Alex.
Every school I've been at I have been bullied by random people. At this school, things were different. I was considered the scariest kid in school. However Alex was not. Some kids were messing with him. They asked him something and I only managed to hear his answer.
"Hmmm. Let me decide. No I'm pretty sure you can't do that with a melon."
They were moving closer when I showed up. Timmy was knife size so this wasn't a ran as soon as they saw me change me pen into a sword and back again. Alex however, didn't.
"Alex, about what happened in class-" I began.
"Are you one of them?" he demanded. "One of those monsters? The giant dogs? Lizard people? Demon grannies?"
"Those weren't old ladies you attacked." I said. He stood still. "And their were things in the air. Only you could see them," I guessed. He was going a little bit pale. "Alex, you aren't insane. You are a half-blood."
"What do you mean?" he asked.
"I mean one of your parents is an immortal god or goddess."
Alex stepped back. "I live with my mom in the Bronx." We were walking side by side like friends.
"I'll explain everything to you at your home," I said.
"Oh damn," he cursed. "I sms'd my mom and told her our art teacher tried to eat you."
Alex's mom was almost exactly like mine. She didn't care that her boy was a danger to himself or others, she just wanted him safe and happy. "Mom, Percy has got something he wants to tell us," said Alex.
"What is it honey?" she asked cheerily. I could tell easily Alex was embarrassed. At school he avoided any type of emotion.
"Ms...uh, Alex's mom, there is something you should know about Alex. You should sit down," I suggested. His mom sat; the smile never vanishing. "Alex isn't normal. He's like me - half-blood. And by that, I mean he is the son of a god. I know he doesn't look divine like me, but he still is." A silence fell. "Right," I said. "What can you tell me of his father?" I asked.
His mom smiled as she remembered. "He was gorgeous...just like my little boy. He had the same black hair and incredible muscles. He wore red and black. Everything he wore was either red or black." This really wasn't good. I did not see that coming. "Wait," she said. "Why did your art teacher try to eat you?" Oh Damn.
"Well, I am delicious, ha ha," I replied with a soft laugh. They both stared.
"Fine, it was an art project," Alex snorted. "What was it called? Surrender to my tender claws and be digested?"
"Claws?" gasped Alex's mom.
"Oh. Forgot to mention. Our art teacher is actually an evil harpy who wants to eat both of us," I said. How's that for an ice breaker? The rest of the evening resumed with me teaching them about monsters and trying to figure out what happened in the alley. If Alex could waste that many monsters without training, he would probably be really powerful.
I was leaving when Alex called me. "Percy, have you figured out who my dad is?"
"You are the son of Ares , the god of war." I said and left.
Me and Alex were okay after that and trained together constantly. I also managed to get him his own sword. Ms. Harpy had continued her efforts to cause my demise. So far, someone replaced my chemistry set with different chemicals, meaning that if I followed the directions I would create a bomb that would blow me and several other people to bits. But using a heroic strategy of incompetence I only made an antidote to Aids. She was now also trying to kill Alex. One day we decided to switch seats. He sat on the seat that I usually sat on and sat on a needle with a note attached that said "Welcome to the wonderful world of Aids". Thankfully we had the antidote, and Alex was saved. We were confident. There was only one day of school left. There was no way I wouldn't mess this up.
Me and Alex entered the school in slow motion, letting our jackets flow back into the winds. Ms. Harpy was standing at the end of the hall. Staring at us. Not the "No! My teacher is in love with me!" stare. It was the "No! My teacher is going to rip out my heart and used my blood to cover up school grounds graffiti" stare.
"You know Alex, I've never managed to complete school without being accused of doing something I didn't do. Well this time I'm going to do it!" I yelled and drew out Timmy and Riptide. I ran through the halls swinging my swords.
"Gahh! It's Samurai Jackson!" yelled one kid.
"It's Jack Sparrow!" yelled another.
"No you fools! It's Vannila Ice in a desperate bid to get his career back on track!"
While the kids argued, Ms. Harpy let out a terrible screech. Her face turned blue. Wings sprouted out of her back. Her feet turned into talons and her hands into claws. Her clothes suddenly fell away. I suddenly stopped just for a few seconds. So a Harpy does have the same body as a regular woman. Except it matches the color of the plumage of her another screech launched herself at me, claws stretched. I shook my head a little and lashed out with Timmy. She pulled back slightly.
"They are kung Fu fighting!" yelled one of the kids.
"Hey, that is where I saw the leprechaun!" yelled another kid.
She kept pulling back whenever I slashed or jabbed. I ducked, letting her fly over me when she tried to attack. She was now high in the air, trying to fly over me again. I held Timmy up high. She laughed knowing that wasn't long enough to get her. Yet. The last thing she saw was the point of the blade going right through her.
I looked around the school. Our principle was staring at me.
"Percy, you just killed our Art and English teacher," He whispered.
"It wasn't me! It was Vanilla Ice!" I yelled hoping some of the other kids would back me up.
"Percy, I saw you stabbing her to death with a broom handle. And you know what this means."
I sighed. Now I was going to be arrested for murdering my teacher.
"We have to thank you, boy. Although you will have to pay for the hole in the roof."
I stared at him What the hell was wrong with him? Suddenly several members of swat ran into the building from stragetic points of entery. "Good job mister Jackson," said one of the Swat members. You have managed to eliminate a dangerous threat to socitey."
"What?" This was getting unreal.
"Well Mister Percy, after finding out that she didn't know the week before last was her birthday I started making enquires about our so called teacher," said our principle. "It turns out her alleged family has never heard of her. We have searched our entire governmental base and found no record of anyone matching her description and basic statistics, except for a Ms. PJ McLaren!"
The swat guy took over. "Ms. McLaren was a dangerous murderer. We could never find her and believed her to have gotten plastic surgery to alter her appearance. We have done a compression check and the there was a 97% match. She was altered enough for it to change the rating."
All the adult were smiling at me. "For ridding us of this danger to all children, everywhere we thank you," said the swat general and they left.
"Mister Percy, I'm glad to announce you are a hero! As such, I'm evacuating school early! Also, we can't be here while the CIA inspect the murder scene." All the kids stared at him. "Now kids evacuate means you can leave! Scram!" All the kids cheered and ran away.
"Percy, that was awesome!" yelled Alex. "You totally killed her!"
"Yeah. But now it is time for us to go back to camp half-blood." I smiled. "This is the first year I'm going to camp without being in the paper and called a lunatic." Alex looked uncomfortable. "Don't worry, you are coming too."
Alex looked even more uncomfortable. "Percy, we should watch out. I've been having this weird feeling that something has been watching us all week and..." He never finished his sentence. Standing in front of us was a massive man made out of bronze.
"I'm a Talos!" yelled the bronze man. "And you Perseus Jackson, shall die!"
Author's Note: Alex had noticed that a strange presence was watching him and had not informed the police. If he had we would have sent someone and this whole uncomfortable situation could have been avoided. So if you are being stalked by a giant man made out of bronze , be sure to inform your local police. Thank you.