A/N: My undying gratitude to silhouettedswallow for suggestions on this one. You have her to thank for a bit less of the uncharacteristic hugging and sniveling and for the fact that Charles only leaves the house in ONE car as opposed to popping in and out of three.
Find me on Spotify and pick the "Music of the Heart" playlist to listen to this story's soundtrack.
Enjoy! Reblogs and reviews always welcome. xx -ChelsieSouloftheAbbey
At last,
My love has come along
My lonely days are gone
And life is like a song …
~"At Last," by Etta James
On their walk back from the stables, Charles and Elsie discussed how to proceed with their plans for the future. They decided that the best course of action would be for Charles to speak with Lord Grantham before Christmas and inform him that Elsie had accepted Charles's proposal of marriage. It would give the family some time to discuss things and determine if they would be comfortable having married heads of staff at the helm downstairs. Elsie was confident after her discussion with the Dowager that there wouldn't be much of a problem, but she also recognized that, despite how much times had changed, the idea of a butler and housekeeper who were married – and to one another at that – was still something that would be discussed within society … and not necessarily with a favorable tone. She didn't want to pressure the family unnecessarily, but she meant what she'd said about leaving immediately if the idea marriage was not supported by the family. It irked her that society at large still thought servants should be treated as children, and she hoped that the respect that Charles had attained with the Granthams would ease everyone's way into a happy transition.
Both Elsie and Charles were hoping to wed as soon as possible; each felt that they'd waited long enough to claim the love that had been brewing for years. They were hoping to have the banns read in the month of January. They'd not yet chosen a specific date for the wedding, of course, but life at the abbey was calmer in February than at other times of the year and so it seemed a February wedding would be easiest to arrange. Elsie hoped they might even be able to finagle a weekend away. Time to get away from THOSE thoughts, lass.
Of course, the matter of where they'd live once they were married would also be an issue, but they would cross that bridge when they came to it. Charles liked Elsie's suggestion of adding a room and a bath to the downstairs of the cottage. The new room could be used as a study for the time being and, when they got to an age where stairs became a bit difficult to manage, the study could be converted into a first-floor bedroom. If they economized very carefully, he thought they could manage it. He proposed making the smaller bedroom upstairs into a guest nursery for the Bates' baby, an idea that touched Elsie's heart. Marriage alone was a dream come true for them both; the arrival of a surrogate grandchild on top of that had put them over the moon.
Having walked very slowly back to the house, Elsie and Charles felt as if they'd made a decade's worth of life-changing decisions in a very short amount of time. They'd held hands until they were well within eyesight of the servants' door, hoping no one would see them but neither willing to let go just yet; they did walk arm-in-arm from church on Sundays, after all. But then reason took hold and they reluctantly released one another, putting some space between them.
"Elsie, your ring," Charles reminded her.
"Oh, my goodness, yes," she replied, tucking it into the front of her dress. "That wouldn't do at all now, would it?" she joked.
Charles brushed her elbow. "No, it wouldn't. But soon … hopefully."
Elsie's heart sang with excitement as Charles reached out and opened the door for her. I cannot wait.
The next week passed very quickly. The holiday preparations were all well under way, and Elsie was grateful for the work. With only two days until Christmas itself, she was feeling busy but accomplished. Everything was on schedule: the tree had been cut last week and was up and decorated, all the special food deliveries had arrived on time and unscathed (always a blessing at this time of year), and Elsie had even managed to get to town to finish her shopping. Yes, things are proceeding very nicely indeed … except for that mountain of gifts you need to wrap.
In her spare moments, Elsie often found herself lost in thought. She had such a wide future ahead of her to consider: retirement, marriage, everything that marriage would involve … thoughts that are certainly NOT appropriate for work. She and Charles recognized a heightened desire between them in their times alone and made the decision to only meet for wine or sherry in the evenings if there were other staff still milling about. From the moment Elsie had felt his ring against her skin, she realized a shift in her thinking: stolen moments would simply not be good enough anymore and any time that they spent sequestered away in the butler's pantry would be decidedly dangerous. She remembered the heat that had coursed through her body when Charles placed the delicate chain around her neck, and he remembered how he'd felt a tremble in his own body when she'd kissed his jaw; yes, they both thought that chaperoned time together was a very wise decision indeed, at least until their engagement could be announced formally. Therefore, they only managed to meet for a nip of sherry once in the week before Christmas, and Mrs. Patmore had been invited to join them. On the other nights, Elsie dashed up to her room to ponder the wedding itself, making notes of things she wanted to have and how she envisioned it all playing out. They were ideas that she knew she'd have to discuss with others eventually but, for now, they could live and blossom in her heart.
Humming to herself, Elsie breezed through her afternoon rounds. If the other staff noticed her unusual happiness, she figured they would chalk it up to the holidays. Elsie was always more cheerful at Christmastime. Despite the sadness and meager provisions of her childhood, her Mam always managed to sneak an orange and a bit of chocolate into their Christmas stockings – to this day, Elsie still had no idea how she'd done that – and the calm and peace of the Christmas story, of the birth of a baby who would bring joy to the world, was always soothing to her. It was a time when her father had always been on his best behavior and, while she never understood why, she had certainly been grateful for it.
And then Elsie had come to Downton and discovered during her first Christmas there that the tall, stern Mr. Carson would steal into the nursery on Christmas Eve and read A Visit from St. Nicholas to the children. She smiled as she remembered how she'd stumbled upon this little gem of knowledge; she had been upstairs in one of the linen cupboards, searching for a misplaced blanket, when her ears had picked up on the timbre of his lovely baritone coming from the nearby room. It was a voice that had been so comforting to her over those first lonely months at the house; the sound of it had always soothed her somehow, resonating deep in her soul in a way she could never have explained. He had been so kind to her from her first day, and that kindness – coupled with his attention to detail, routine, responsibility and confident leadership – had provided Elsie with a feeling of calm, safety and security. It was a feeling she'd craved her entire life, yet she only discovered how much she needed its comforts once they were made available to her.
As soon as she'd realized what she was hearing, she knew that she'd underestimated the esteemed butler. The simple act of reading a bedtime story to three children who were not his own – but whose parents were, in her mind, likely to never do so themselves – spoke volumes about his true inner character. She understood instantly upon hearing that Christmas tale that regardless of the demeanor he showed the outside world, despite his bluster and pomp and circumstance, beneath his stern façade beat the heart of a kind and gentle man. By the time he'd reached the end of the story, Elsie had been surprised to realize she was a little in love with him, something that perhaps had been brewing since just after she'd arrived at the Abbey if she stopped to think on it. She believed at the time that she was a fool, but she had come to a decision that night: her goal from that point forward would be to become housekeeper. It would not only secure the future financially for her and Becky, but would also enable her to spend the remainder of her working days directly alongside this lovely man, almost as his equal. It would be a relationship with him that no one else in the house would share.
Elsie smiled at the memory of that night …
Standing beside the door, back against the wall, she listened as his lovely voice made its way through the book, the only other sound being that of an occasional page being turned.
" ... and to all a good night," he finished.*
"Happy Christmas, Mr. Carson," came a sleepy voice.
"Happy Christmas, Milady," came the reply. The sound of a book being closed, and the rustle of blankets …
"Oh, Elsie! I'm dreadfully sorry!" he whispered, having bumped right into her as he exited the nursery. He grasped her elbow to keep her from falling, and she was thankful for the darkness of the hallway which rendered him unable to see the flush that crept up her neck at his touch. "May I ask what you're doing in this corridor at this time of night?"
Elsie stood up straight and looked him directly in the eyes. "I was listening to a very kind man tell a lovely story of Christmas to three girls who may not realize just how special he is," she responded quietly. "And have no fear. Your secret will be safe with me."
With that, she'd turned and left.
Still smiling at the memory, Elsie headed to her sitting room to finish her wrapping. Charles had an appointment to speak to His Lordship tonight – he should be there at this very moment – and keeping busy was the only thing that would save her sanity until she heard what decisions had been made.
One half hour later Elsie heard a knock on her parlour door. "Come in," she called. Not Charles, then – he'd have just walked right in.
Mr. Bates was at the door, a look on his face that Elsie couldn't quite read. "Mrs. Hughes, I was asked to inform you that you're needed in the library at once."
Elsie's heart stopped for a brief moment. Oh, my God, is Charles okay? Her first thought was that things had gone so very poorly that Charles was unwell and needed assistance.
Mr. Bates, upon seeing the expression on her face, calmed her immediately. "I don't believe you have anything to worry about, Mrs. Hughes. It was Mr. Carson who found me, and he seemed just fine. In fact … I gathered he'd been drinking a bit."
That stopped Elsie in her tracks. "I'm sorry? He was … drinking?"
Mr. Bates just smiled. "He had a faint odor of brandy on his breath, Mrs. Hughes, but nothing that would be offensive or inappropriate. I only meant that, well, I gathered he was sharing a drink with His Lordship. And he asked for you to come up immediately."
This entire conversation makes no sense! There is no way on earth that man has ever sat down to a drink with His Lordship. What in hell is going on? Shaking her head, she replied, "Very well, I'll head on up. Thank you, Mr. Bates."
"No trouble at all, Mrs. Hughes."
Elsie made it to the library in record time and found Charles standing outside the doorway waiting for her. As she met his eyes she noted a mischievous glint and was, naturally, suspicious at once.
"There you are – I was starting to wonder," Charles whispered.
"Is everything all right?"
"Why don't you go on in and see for yourself?" Charles said, opening the door.
Elsie proceeded into the library and was immediately attacked by the hug of one very excited Countess of Grantham.
"Oh, Mrs. Hughes – congratulations!" gushed Lady Grantham. "We are so very happy for you both!"
So he's told them … and it's gone well, I presume?
Elsie received another hug from Lady Rose, who was gushing about how romantic everything was. Lady Edith did come over to congratulate her, but Elsie shared a look with her that said each woman understood how difficult the whole situation of 'happily ever after' was for Lady Edith so soon after hearing the news of Mr. Gregson's death. Oh, that poor dear … I do hope that someday she can have wonderfully happy news of her own to share. Elsie reached out and squeezed Lady Edith's hand, nodding her thanks.
Elsie saw that Lady Mary and Tom Branson were standing a bit farther back. Wait a minute … why is the ENTIRE family here? That wasn't the plan … Elsie wasn't sure if she was more mortified or pleased that they all seemed to have found out in one fell swoop, and realized that her brain was having trouble keeping up with it all. But they do seem happy… so that's good.
Once Elsie was able to walk further into the library, Lady Mary and Tom both approached her. Tom was quicker, however, giving Elsie yet another hug.
"I'm glad he finally managed it," he whispered into her ear. "I am absolutely delighted for you. Sybbie and I will be delaying our departure until after the wedding, because I wouldn't miss that for the world."
Elsie was overcome with emotion, barely able to answer. "Thank you, Mr. Branson," was all she could manage. Wait … when IS the wedding? Elsie shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts under the barrage of words and emotions. It was very difficult, and she was wary of the fact that she had no idea at all what details, specifically, Charles had mentioned of their plans.
As Tom released her, Elsie turned slightly and found herself face to face with Lady Mary. Despite the recent conversations she'd had with the woman, Elsie proceeded with trepidation. She knew that Charles was ever-so-protective of the eldest Crawley daughter's feelings and that Lady Mary was equally protective of Charles. If anyone were going to offer words of criticism or misgiving, it would be this woman.
But Elsie realized quickly that she had nothing to fear. Lady Mary's eyes were brimming with tears, and she grasped Elsie's hands in her own. "I offer my congratulations as well, Mrs. Hughes. Carson is ridiculously happy, and we owe that all to you." Then, after a brief pause, she continued with an uncharacteristic smile. "You know how dear he has always been to me, Mrs. Hughes. Do take care of him, won't you?"
Elsie couldn't help but smile at her. "It will be my pleasure, Milady."
Elsie met Charles's gaze across the room and got lost in it for a moment, trying to process his look of awe along with his odd, boyish smile as they mixed with this sturdy, stately posture - the perfect embodiment of the man and butler, presenting themselves together at last. She was chewing her bottom lip furiously, trying to process the last five minutes. The sudden appearance of a brandy snifter in her hand brought Elsie out of her reverie. She looked up and saw Lord Grantham at her side and realized the glass had come from him. "My congratulations as well, Mrs. Hughes," he said, leaning forward to give her a kiss on the cheek, "and a fair warning to you: as soon as my wife heard the word 'wedding' her eyes lit up brighter than our Christmas tree. Good luck reining her in!"
Elsie laughed at that. "Thank you for the warning, Milord."
Looking around the room at everyone who was looking right back at her, Elsie was overwhelmed. Charles noticed immediately and was at her side in an instant, taking her hand. I'm here … always here to steady you, his eyes told her. She squeezed his hand and said, "So, Mr. Carson, I take it our secret is out?"
Everyone laughed heartily and Elsie took a deep breath, knowing some sort of verbal acknowledgement from her was expected. "The support of the family truly means the world to both of us. Mr. Carson has enjoyed a long life here at Downton and with all of you, and I have thoroughly enjoyed my time here as well." She paused, suddenly remembering that she didn't know what specifically what, if anything, Charles had said about their retirement, and she feared she'd let the proverbial cat out of the bag.
He squeezed her hand, understanding her hesitation at once. "As our retirement approaches in just a few months' time, we know it will be a bittersweet moment for us both, but it is comforting to know that we have your blessing as we manage the downstairs in the meantime as (breathe ...) Downton's first-ever married heads of staff."
Lord Grantham gave a toast to Charles and Elsie, and everyone then began chatting amongst themselves. Suddenly, Elsie felt a tug at her arm. Turning, she saw Lady Grantham at her side. "We must discuss plans for the wedding as soon as we are through the Christmas holiday," she said gleefully. "I presume you have ideas already?"
Elsie felt like she was twenty again. "Yes, Milady, I have a few notes … nothing too extravagant, of course."
Lord Grantham caught Charles's eye at that moment and simply mouthed, Good luck with that.
As the New Year dawned, fresh snow blanketed the ground. Elsie was delighted, seeing it as a fresh, clean beginning to the year she would finally become Mrs. Carson. She had a meeting scheduled with Her Ladyship that afternoon to discuss wedding plans, and was eternally optimistic that she'd be able to talk the woman into the need to have the wedding she wanted as opposed to the opulent affair she feared Lady Grantham had in mind. The young Ladies appeared to be helping Elsie fight that battle in their own way, however, and she was (for once) very grateful for Lady Mary's stubbornness. All Elsie and Charles wanted was a small church wedding with their closest friends. The family insisted on attending, but that was fine with Elsie because they were, in many ways, Charles's family.
She already knew that the wedding breakfast was to be held in Downton's Great Hall, but Elsie's main goal as she headed into her meeting was to talk Lady Grantham down from the rest of the excesses: too many flowers, too many musicians, over-the-top attire, etc. Elsie and Charles's list of ideas had exactly six items that they felt were necessary to have for the wedding of their dreams:
1. Wedding dress (not too fancy and definitely not white)
2. Morning suit
3. Church
4. Three attendants (Anna, Mrs. Patmore and Mr. Bates)
5. Bridal bouquet - chrysanthemums
6. A honeymoon weekend, if possible
When she arrived, Elsie discovered that Lady Grantham's list went on endlessly, despite any efforts that had been made by her daughters and Lady Rose. Upon leaving the meeting an hour and a half later, the list Elsie had made with Charles included the following "amendments":
1. Wedding dress (to be custom-made by Miss Baxter from any fabric of Elsie's choosing, at Lady Grantham's expense)
2. New morning suit for Charles (to be custom-tailored in Ripon by Lord Grantham's tailor, as a gift from His Lordship to Charles)
3. Church (decoration to be arranged by Ladies Mary, Edith and Rose)
4. Four attendants (Anna, Mrs. Patmore, Mr. Bates and – at his request – Mr. Branson, who insisted on walking Elsie down the aisle … much to her unspoken joy)
5. Bridal bouquet - chrysanthemums and roses, with matching rose boutonnieres for the men
6. A honeymoon week in London (a gift from the Dowager Countess)
All in all, she thought, it could have been worse.
Elsie was humming to herself gleefully as she headed down to the staff dinner. She met Charles in his pantry and gave him a peck on the cheek, and they made their way to the servants' hall where they would formally announce their engagement to the downstairs staff. As if they don't already know something is up, she thought. But then again, she and Charles always did act like an old, married couple … it's possible they haven't noticed anything amiss at all. Maybe … but not Mrs. Patmore …
As it happened, many of the staff were flabbergasted by the announcement.
"Truly? At their age?" whispered one footman, his comment travelling clear across the room to Elsie's keen ear. She wasn't sure from which young man the comment had come, but before she could so much as shoot a stern look in that general direction, she was stunned by Mr. Barrow's forceful reply.
"You should be so lucky to find someone who loves you that much, one day," he said. "So I suggest that if you've nothing congratulatory to say, you keep your opinions to yourself."
Charles just looked at Elsie, eyebrows raised. Butler material for sure. She smiled and squeezed his hand, and then turned as they accepted handshakes, hugs and congratulations from everyone. Looking across the table, she saw Mrs. Patmore wiping her eyes with the corner of her apron before heading into the kitchen. The two women shared a look between them that spoke volumes; theirs was a true friendship forged over many years' worth of fights and kindnesses, illnesses and support, and each realized in that moment just how much she valued the other … and how much of a change it would be to not be working together in the future. Elsie saw the cook's smile and brief nod, and smiled in return. Yes, Mrs. Patmore had seen this coming for sure. Feeling Charles's hand at the small of her back, Elsie made her way to her seat as their dinner was served.
The day of the wedding dawned sunny and bright. There was a trace of snow on the ground but it had not stormed in weeks, for which Charles was very grateful. He had woken slowly, then was shocked as his mind cleared and he remembered what day it was. At last. He took a few moments to center himself, and then got up from bed.
Mr. Bates was to help Charles dress today, acting as both valet and best man. Never one to need help getting into his livery, Charles would normally have scoffed at the idea of help; today, however, he had certain … things … to discuss with his best man. He had no idea how he'd get through his concerns without going seven shades of crimson, but there was really no way around it: Charles Carson, the man who could wait on princes, earls, and dukes without batting an eyelash, was nervous about his wedding night. How mortifying.
The problem was that, contrary to what one might think about men on the stage, Charles had never … well … not entirely, anyhow … and he was wholeheartedly at a loss as to how to proceed. He assumed Elsie would want him to take the lead in those things, but he didn't know if he could manage it. But he knew Mr. Bates (he said to call him 'John' … perhaps after retirement) would have some good advice and, if nothing else, lend a kind and non-judgmental ear to Charles's fears.
Elsie heard the knock on her door as she was putting on her dressing gown. "Come in," she called, expecting Miss Baxter. Instead, a rather pregnant Anna walked into the room.
"Good morning," she said cheerfully. "I am sorry to intrude on what is to likely be your only quiet time of the day, but I heard you moving about and I have something for you." She handed Elsie a lovely gift box, wrapped in cream paper and tied with a blue bow. "I thought it best not to leave it with the other gifts."
"Thank you, Anna. Should I open it now?"
Anna blushed. "Oh, most definitely, Mrs. Hughes," she said with a smile.
Anna's blush made Elsie nervous about what was in the box, and then suddenly she took in its appearance, color, wrapping, and size … and she knew. "Oh, Anna," she stammered, "Um … are you sure?"
Anna giggled. "Mrs. Hughes, you're to be a married woman in about six hours' time. I think you should open the box … and then you can sneak its contents into your suitcase."
Elsie shook her head and smiled at Anna's cheek before gently pulling on the blue bow. As the ribbon fell away she carefully tore open the paper and lifted the top of the box. Easing the tissue paper aside, she grasped the shoulder ribbons and pulled out a beautiful gown, letting its hem cascade toward the floor. "Oh, Anna … it's lovely," she gasped.
The nightgown was pale blue in color. It was made of fine silk, and the neckline was low (very, very low) and trimmed in soft, cream-colored lace which also covered the fabric ties on the shoulders. The length would fall to about the middle of Elise's calf. In short, it bore no resemblance to similar items she'd already packed away.
"Do you like it?" Anna whispered.
Elsie gulped, and then forced down her discomfort. No sense in pretending that this won't be appreciated, Els … by you OR by that big love of a man. And it will look unbelievable once it's on.
Elsie knew her figure wasn't that of a twenty-year-old anymore, but she also knew that years in service climbing millions of stairs had helped her to maintain a healthy appearance. While it was true she had little life experience when it came to physical intimacies, she wasn't a complete novice. She was a bit afraid of what Charles would think when he found that out, but she hoped he wouldn't hold it against her. Judging from the way his eyes had darkened every time they kissed, she figured she'd be alright.
"Oh, Anna, I think it's the most stunning gift I've ever received. And if anyone else had given me such a thing, I'd have sent it away for sure!" she said with a laugh.
She put the gown gently back in the box and turned to give Anna a warm hug. "Thank you so much, my dear. It is truly lovely."
"You are very welcome, Mrs. Hughes." Then, Anna blushed violently, but continued, "Um … I cannot believe I'm going to say this to you, but I hope you haven't any … fears … about anything?"
Elsie could do nothing but laugh out loud, covering her face with her hands as she shook her head. "Oh, Anna! Are we truly having this conversation? I feel as though I'm supposed to be giving it to you!" Then she thought about it, and answered honestly, "A few, perhaps, but not in the way you imagine. In many ways, marriage will be a new experience for both of us, but I have faith that things will work out … beautifully." Elsie felt the flush creep steadily up her chest and over her face. "Contrary to what I am sure is the popular belief downstairs – and I'll deny ever having said these words, mind you – I can't wait."
Anna laughed. "Oh, thank God for that! I was so afraid you'd tell me you were terrified, and I wouldn't be able to reassure you about how, well, absolutely wonderful your life is about to become. And with that embarrassing little detail, I'll leave you to your thoughts. You've about an hour if you fancy a leisurely bath. Then Daisy is bringing up a tray for you – be sure you eat, too, because you likely won't have time to eat much at the wedding breakfast – and Miss Baxter will be arriving after you've eaten to start getting you ready."
She paused, and took Elsie's hand in both of hers. "I always felt that if you left Downton I wouldn't know what to do, Mrs. Hughes. But now, with your wedding and retirement and our baby on the way, I feel like we've such wonderful opportunities ahead of us. You and Mr. Carson are the closest thing I've ever had to parents who actually cared about me, you know. Mr. Bates and I are honored to know you will be a constant presence in our child's life. Thank you for that."
"Thank you, my darling girl. I can't begin to tell you how proud I am of you both for all you've managed to overcome. It has been such a joy watching you grow into the confident, loving couple that you are. Now get away with you so that I can stop crying for once! It won't do to greet Mr. Carson with puffy, red eyes on today of all days."
Anna rose and smiled. "I'm not sure if he'd notice, Mrs. Hughes … you forget, I've seen your dress." And, with a wink, she left.
Dressed at last, with most of his worries allayed by an ever-patient Mr. Bates (who snuck him a small gift he and Anna had purchased, and gave him a tip on pampering the soon-to-be Mrs. Carson), Charles took one last look in the mirror. He had to admit, his new morning jacket looked excellent. Very smart, very smart indeed, old man. He tucked an envelope in the front pocket and, with a smile on his face, he headed downstairs.
"Mr. Carson! Isn't it time for you to be heading out?" Daisy said, spotting him in the hall.
"It is, indeed. I just have something I need to fetch from my desk."
"Oh, alright then! And, Mr. Carson? I'm ever so happy for you," Daisy said.
Charles turned and looked at her a moment. "Thank you, Daisy. That means a great deal to me."
Charles headed into his office. He went to his desk and opened the drawer, removing the old, hand-carved box from its hiding spot. He lifted the lid and, once again, picked up the items that remained inside. They were all he had left from his childhood, the only tangible things he could claim as his parents' legacy – well, aside from the ring and chain that he'd already passed along to Elsie. Charles transferred the smaller of the two items into a new box, one covered in white leather on the outside and lined in blue velvet. He closed that smaller box and tucked it into his pocket. Closing the lid on the wooden box, he headed downstairs and, finding his suitcase in the corridor, put the wooden box inside of it.
Charles then went in search of Mrs. Patmore.
"Mrs. Patmore, would you be able to do me a favor?" he asked.
"Certainly, Mr. Carson. What do you need?"
Charles extracted the white box and the envelope from his pocket. "When you see Mrs. Hughes this morning, would you kindly deliver these to her? It's very important for her to receive them before leaving for the church."
Mrs. Patmore's eyebrows shot up, but to her credit she said nothing but, "Of course, Mr. Carson."
Smiling, Charles thanked her and headed out to the car.
Despite his chat with Mr. Bates, Charles realized that he was still somewhat nervous. He had no doubts that his marriage to Elsie would be more than one of simple convenience and friendship; no, the fact that they could barely stand to be in the same room without sparks flying was a clear indication that much more lie ahead. Charles was now looking forward to their wedding night with excitement as opposed to downright fear. No, his main concern at the moment was keeping their kiss at the altar chaste and appropriate for the attendees: the entire Grantham family, including the Dowager Countess and Mrs. Crawley, Dr. Clarkson, all members of the downstairs staff, several former staff members (including Gwen and, somewhat to Charles's chagrin but to his fiancée's absolute delight, Ethel), and a handful of business people from the village. It was a testament to how well he and Elsie were loved and respected … and it was a great deal of pressure to be under. He had managed to lay aside concerns about the wedding night itself, but it would be a miracle if he could get through that kiss and (God help you) the dancing – holding her in his arms in front of everyone – unscathed.
When he arrived at the car Charles shook hands with Mr. Branson and Mr. Bates and the three of them headed off on what Charles felt was going to be the longest ride of his life. He smiled as the car pulled away. Here you are then, Charlie … off to declare your love in front of your closest friends. At long last, the day is finally here to make that lovely woman your wife, to voice the words that will allow you to have and to hold her forever. What could possibly be better than this?
"Oh, Miss Baxter …" Elsie started to say. I can't believe it. This is GORGEOUS! Finding she had momentarily lost the ability to speak, she just turned and gave Miss Baxter an enormous smile.
"You look stunning, Mrs. Hughes. Mr. Carson won't be able to focus on a single thing today except how lovely you are."
"Thanks to your fantastic skill!" Elsie turned in the mirror and admired the look of the dress.
The dress was solid, dove grey in color. The neckline was much lower than her typical dresses, but still modest and appropriate for her age. The edges of the neckline were adorned with embroidery that matched the color of the fabric – subtle, but intricate. The embroidery looked almost like vines, and as it made its way down from the neckline and over the front of the dress it spread into a floral pattern, ending in a point at the waist. The sleeves were long, also fitted, and ended in points over the top of Elsie's wrists, and the points were covered in embroidery that matched the front of the bodice. Tiny, hidden hook-and-eye closures took the place of buttons, giving the dress a smoother look overall. The skirt was pleated, allowing freedom of movement despite having the appearance of being fitted. Elsie had never been more comfortable, and she admired herself in the mirror. She looked … radiant. After years of dark blues and black, of dresses that came up to her neck and had been mended year after year to save the expense of purchasing a new one, Elsie reveled in the feel of this one against her body.
The main change, however, was the fact that she wasn't wearing a corset. This had been a secret that only Elsie, Miss Baxter and Anna had shared. The upstairs Ladies had moved to the newer style of undergarments years ago, and Elsie could swear they looked healthier simply because they were able to breathe. Figuring that there could be no better time than her wedding day to make the change, Elsie purchased the new brassiere and matching knickers that she needed and wore those for her dress fittings instead of the corset. She knew the difference was evident as soon as she first put on the dress, and found the thought exhilarating. He's going to notice something different immediately. He's DEFINITELY going to notice when we dance. She sighed and smiled a ridiculously happy smile.
She heard Miss Baxter's soft voice saying something to her, pulling Elsie out of her daydream.
"Mrs. Hughes, it has been my absolute joy to make this dress for you. You've been very supportive of me and I feel like this was a small way to pay you back. If I can be even half the housekeeper you have been, I'll feel that I've done remarkably well."
Elsie just squeezed the woman's hands. "Life has not been kind to you, Miss Baxter, but you've more than risen above your past. If I've learned anything over the last year it's that the past haunts us more than we know until we turn and face it head on. Once you're able to do that, things look remarkably brighter."
Miss Baxter nodded. "Thank you for that, Mrs. Hughes. Now, let's sit you down so I can get to work on your hair. Do you have any requests?"
"Yes, I'd like it a bit looser than normal. And I'd like to use these – something blue, which I think I require." Elsie opened a little box on her dressing table and removed the hairpins she'd gifted to Becky all those years ago. She handed them to the maid, saying quietly, "They're very special to me. They were my sister's."
Miss Baxter took them, gently turning them in her hands and noticing their simplistic beauty, commenting on the sparkle of the small, blue stones on each butterfly. "They're beautiful, Mrs. Hughes, and the blue matches your eyes. I'll place them in the back if that's alright. They'll stand out amongst the flowers."
Elsie smiled and nodded, trying once again to rein in her emotions. My goodness, Els … love has made a crybaby out of you!
She found, when she thought about it, that she didn't mind one bit. Since losing Becky, Elsie felt like a different woman; since realizing that the man she loved did, in fact, love her right back, Elsie realized she acted like a new woman. She liked the change, and she could see that Charles did as well. She felt freer, somehow – free to love as she never had before. She no longer had any secrets to hide, and she couldn't believe how wonderful it felt. Keeping her emotions bottled up for decades had been immensely difficult, and if they were all going to erupt how that she was happy, well ... so be it.
A knock sounded at the door and Anna and Mrs. Patmore entered. Elsie turned and gave them a loving smile, commenting on how lovely they both looked.
"You're sure you are comfortable, Anna?"
"I'm not entirely comfortable, to be honest, but that's nothing new. I'm fine, Mrs. Hughes. I saw the doctor two days ago and he assured me that I can handle the wedding. If there are any issues, Mrs. Patmore will be right beside me," she said, smiling at the cook who nodded in agreement.
"I know, but I do worry," replied Elsie, eyeing Anna's belly lovingly before reaching out to lay a hand on it, smiling at the feel of her soon-to-be grandchild moving around. "But I trust the doctor." Growing up on a farm, Elsie knew that it was not unusual for most women to be on their feet and even working up until the day a baby was born, but she was loathe to put Anna and the bairn in any danger. She had to put those apprehensive thoughts aside and trust Anna. Anna's motherly intuition was one thing that, Elsie realized with a pang of sadness, she'd never truly understand.
Sensing a need to change the subject, Mrs. Patmore gushed, "You look lovely! That dress is … well … different, somehow … "
Elsie noted her friend's furrowed brow and had to laugh. A gleam in her eye, she replied, "Yes, well, that's probably because my corset is safely packed away elsewhere."
At that all four women giggled like schoolgirls. "Good for you!" cried Mrs. Patmore, wiping tears of laughter from the corners of her eyes. "I wonder how long it will take Mr. Carson to pick up on that!"
Elsie blushed furiously, but Anna interjected, "Well, one thing's certain … by the time you're asleep he'll have figured it out for sure!" At that, Elsie and the others broke out in joyous laughter.
Elsie was the first to regain her composure, and she looked at each of the three women before her in turn. "I can't thank you all enough for all of your help and support throughout these past months," she said. "It means so very much to me."
"It's been our pleasure," said Mrs. Patmore. "Now, turn around and have a look at what Miss Baxter has managed with your hair. You look absolutely radiant."
Miss Baxter had loosely braided Elsie's hair, but then twisted it up instead of arranging it tightly at the nape of her neck. She secured the twist but had left a few curls to escape down. It had surprised her that the housekeeper's hair was so wavy. The effect of the twist was fuller and less severe than her typical style; it took years off of Elsie's appearance. A sprig of baby's breath was added, and Miss Baxter had arranged the hairpins so that the butterflies appeared to be peeking out from the flowers. Anna added a touch of blush to Elsie's cheeks and a slight touch of lip color, and Elsie was almost ready.
"Do you have everything you need?" Anna asked.
"Well, I've got the something blue in my hair … the new is my dress … I've nothing borrowed, though," Elsie realized.
At that, Mrs. Patmore reached into her pocket. "I've brought you this. It was my mother's," she said quietly, handing Elsie a lovely embroidered handkerchief. "You can tuck it in amongst the stems of your bouquet."
Elsie looked at her friend with such love in her eyes, knowing the cook rarely spoke of her family but that she missed her mother terribly. "Thank you," was all she could manage.
"And Mr. Carson asked me to give you these," the cook added. "He said to be sure you opened them before you left for the church."
Elsie took the box and envelope from her friend, opening the box first. She gasped, unable to believe the beauty of what was inside: a silver pendant, in the shape of a Scottish thistle, a blue stone where the bloom lay. Elsie realized that it matched the stones in the hairpins … and, therefore, would also resemble the color of her own eyes. She just sat there shaking her head, unable to speak. Handing it to Anna so that the others could see, she opened the envelope with trembling hands, eager to read Charles's words.
My Dearest Elsie,
On this, the most wonderful day of my life, it is with much joy and love that I give this pendant to you. It belonged to my mother and, while I have few memories of her, I can clearly remember her wearing it always, hanging from the silver chain that has most recently been holding your ring. The ring, pendant and chain have together been handed down to the women of my family for generations, originally belonging to my great-great-grandmother. Unbeknownst to me, they've been in the care of the Dowager Countess all these years, along with a fourth item which I will show you this evening. They are the only tangible reminders that I have from my parents, and it makes me very happy to place them in your loving care.
I await your arrival at the church with more love than I could possibly express.
Ever yours,
Charles
Elsie read the note twice, swimming in a sea of the love she felt for this amazing man. His mother was of Scottish descent? Why did I not know that?
"So, something old, still, and a sixpence for her shoe," Elsie heard from somewhere behind her.
Turning, she replied softly, "Oh, I have the something old, I think." Elsie handed Mrs. Patmore the note to read, and retrieved the silver chain from her jewelry box. "Miss Baxter, if you would be so kind as to hang the pendant on this, I'd like to wear it today."
Miss Baxter put the necklace around Elsie's neck and everyone marveled at how perfectly it filled in the space above the dress, looking as though the two had been destined to be worn together.
"Here is a sixpence for your shoe, Mrs. Hughes," said Anna quietly. Elsie tucked it in and rose from her chair. She was still reeling from Charles's wonderful gift but knew they needed to get to the church.
Elsie reached for her coat – a gift she'd purchased for herself, knowing the color would go well with the color of her dress.
"Alright, then? Let's go!" said Mrs. Patmore, and they ushered Elsie downstairs. Anna checked to be sure the men had actually left and Elsie came around the corner. Her friends led Elsie outside, where the chauffeur was waiting to take her to the church. And to your future, Elsie thought excitedly.
She'd waited almost twenty years to see Charles waiting for her at the altar of that church, but felt as though the next half hour would be longer than all of them combined.
A/N: *Fortunately, the lovely sound of Jim Carter's voice reading this story can actually be found on the Christmas at Downton Abbey CD set, and has been added to the Spotify list. (IMHO Jim Carter would sound lovely reading the side of my cereal box, but that's a bit beside the point…)
I've posted a pic of the pendant on my tumblr.