The song for this chapter is V Bozeman - What Is Love

BARRY'S POV:

With a startle, I skidded a few feet in the alley by the hospital. My eyes scanned around me, finding no one in sight. My heart pounded in my chest as I realized what I just did. I actually went back in time, otherwise, Iris would still be in my arms. Not knowing exactly how far I went back I rushed to the receptionist's desk.

"Hi. Joe West, is he still a patient here?"

When she told me what number room he was in I wasn't exactly filled with confidence. Anyhow, I rushed up there to find Eddie standing in by the room while he rubbed his head in frustration. I didn't know why, but I rushed to hug him.

"Woah, Allen." He gave a chuckle. "Nice to see you, too." He patted me on the back then pushed me off gingerly. He took in my frazzled state. "Joe's going to be okay, you know. He's in surgery right now."

Iris' news came to mind. According to the doctors, he had a heart condition. We still didn't know how manageable it was, so I shouldn't worry, but it was hard not to. I just saw Iris die in front of me.

Again, I pulled Eddie towards me for another hug.

"Geez. You're affectionate. Should I be worried?" He asked.

I pulled away with a laugh.

"Hey, what's going on here?" A familiar voice asked.

My body stilled in place while my heart hammered a million beats per second. I turned to her, my eyes scanned her up and down. She was standing in front of me, alive. Beautiful as ever.

"Nothing," I answered.

She walked the short distance to us with a short sigh. Her big eyes looked up at me with worry. "What happened with my dad?"

My eyes locked on her brown eyes. "He's okay. He was shot in the shoulder. He's in surgery right now."

A sigh of relief escaped her as she rested her forehead against my chest. My hand found the small of her back, holding her to me. I realized that Caitlin and Ronnie were standing together, giving us some space.

"I'm going to get coffee. Anybody want any?" Eddie asked.

"I do." Iris tried to pull away, but I wouldn't let her. She gave me a weird look when I refused to let her leave my side.

I looked up at Eddie. "Iris and I need to talk."

He nodded then walked down the hall.

My hand entwined with hers. She gave me the cutest half grin, hope in her brown eyes. "Let's talk a walk." I tugged her forward. "We'll be back in a few minutes." I told Caitlin and Ronnie.

They looked at us like we were the cutest thing. We were about to be the farthest thing from it. My brain panicked and the only solution I knew that could change the course of events was if I pushed Iris away. I mean, really pushed her away. Now was the time to do what I should've done. Granted this was the worst possible version of events I pictured besides Iris being dead, but at least there was a chance she wouldn't end up with a bullet to the head.

We stopped in the alleyway that I first landed at a few minutes ago. I pulled my hand away from hers as I quickly mentally prepared myself for this. I could do this, I could hurt her enough to change the future. Right?

She looked at me with a trace of a grin on her lips. "Barry, what's this about?"

I stared at her. Fuck I couldn't do this. A image of her bloody face popped in my head.

My jaw hardened. "Iris, there's something I need to tell you and I know you're not going to like it."

Her forehead creased. "Okay. What is it?"

With a sigh I looked to the side of the building, as if it would give me the courage to do this. "There was this girl in Starling City. Oliver has a sister." My eyes met hers, seeing the anger rising in hers. "We sort of had sex."

Her jaw clenched. "Thea."

I nodded. "Yeah, with Thea." Drive it home. "But it was more than sex to me." I hoped she couldn't detect the lie in my voice because I was looking her dead in the face. "I miss her. She was there for me and we really connected. I keep thinking about her when I'm with you. I couldn't lie to you anymore."

Her eye twitched and all I could do was stand while her fist flashed out and punched me square in the face.

"Iris," I grabbed her arm before she could walk completely away.

She tore away from my grasp and threw another punch, I was a little bit proud that they really hurt. "Don't touch me." She stormed off.

"Where are you going?" I called.

"Fuck off."

I couldn't believe that I had to do that. A true moment of happiness was too much to ask from the universe. My hand flashed out and hit the nearest wall.

IRIS' POV:

Fuck Barry Allen and the horse he rode in on. I marched into the hospital, avoiding the people I knew. I needed some sugar. How dare he? I didn't deserve this. I pinned for his white ass for four months only to find that he was hooking up with Thea? What the actual fuck?

Before I could stop myself my foot kicked through the vending machine. The lights flickered. I didn't mean to Mayweather the machine. I pulled my foot free and against my better judgement, I reached inside the hole and grabbed a honey bun. Well, like four and some chocolate donuts.

The lights flickered for a few moments until it was pitch black.
"What is going on?"

My eyes adjusted and a sense of deja vu hit me.

What if my dad was in some deep surgery and the doctors couldn't see and they cut him all open? Or what if he's fine and stuck in the elevator and he dies before the power comes back on? Or...I don't know!

I broke into a sprint. I'd only gone so far until I was thrown into the air, I fell to the ground with a thud. I snapped my head up only to see a dark shape a few feet away. If I had been the same person as I was months ago I would've called out for help, for Barry. That wasn't going to happen ever again. I could take care of myself, I didn't need anyone to protect me. Least of all an ass that lead me on and made me wonder if he was alive for months, knowing how I felt about him.

I popped up. He punched me in the stomach. He kicked my thigh and went for my throat, cutting off my air supply as he held me in the air. I struggled for air, making it hard to move my muscles. Quickly, I kicked my feet out, hitting his chest. His grip fell as he stumbled back. I sucked in air before grabbing his outfit in my fists. My eyes had really adjusted so I could make out the strong jaw and full mouth. He wore an eye mask, but brown eyes stared back at me.

"You really couldn't have picked a better time." I punched his face as hard as I could.

He smirked then kicked me back so I fell on my back. He was ontop of me, his hips held me down as he stabbed me in the side with something then legit disappeared into the darkness.

I scrambled to my feet, checking my body for a stab wound, but found none. So I was a metahuman? This was proof that I wasn't crazy. Last night I went to bed with a stomach wound and this morning I'm all better. What the fuck just happened? I had come to not question why people did half the dumb things they did, but I'd keep a look out for this guy.

A few moments later the lights came back on. Instead of going to check on everyone I went to the bathroom. I had to see that there was no wound. Before pulling my shirt up I said a little prayer that I wasn't actually crazy. My hand ran over the skin, not feeling anything. This was crazy. I stared at myself. Don't give him the satisfaction of crying, I ordered.

I pulled out my phone. She answered on the fourth ring. "Felicity," I gave a wry grin. "I need a girl talk."

"Of course." She rushed out. "Oliver and I are staying at a hotel in town. We're on the way to talk to Barry."

My eyes couldn't help but roll. "When you do could you punch him for me?"

She was quiet for a moment before saying, "Oh, no. You know."

My forehead creased. "You knew and you didn't tell me?"

"Iris, it wasn't my place to tell. Barry had to tell you."

I couldn't even be mad at her because she was right.

"We can talk more when we get there."

"Sure."

We hung up.

My hand massaged my temple. With a groan, I opened the door and ran into Eddie.

He gave an awkward chuckle. "Hey,"

"Hey,"

His eyes scanned my face. "Are you okay?"

I shrugged. "I guess." My hand ran over my face. "I'm worried about my dad."

His brow lifted. "And Barry."

I gave him a look. "No, why would say that?"

He pointed from the direction he came from. "You must not have been on the east wing. Something bad happened between you two?" Concern in his voice.

We walked a little down the hall. "He's an ass puts it mildly."

He nodded. "He stills loves you."

"Turns out that wasn't enough."

I didn't know what i was going to do. I didn't want to sleep under the same roof as him. Maybe Felicity would let me stay with her.

"I'm sorry, Eddie. Weren't you about to use the bathroom?"

He waved it off. "It can wait."

Wanting to hug him, I stopped and crushed him in a bear hug. "Thank you for being you. I miss hanging out with you."

"Me, too." He pulled away. "Let's get you some food."

I nodded. "I just have to make a call first."

BARRY'S POV:

Cisco followed me down the hall as I fumed. "What happened between you and Iris?"

The whole thing was in my head on repeat. I didn't know how to deal with this. I knew enough about science to know that telling people about the future or the would be future was a big no no. Who could I talk to about this if I couldn't tell anyone?

"Barry?"

My hand rested above me on the wall while I tried to calm down in the corner. How could things be this fucked up? Why could Iris and I be happy together?

"Barry?" His voice rose.

I turned to him, my jaw clenched, tears in my eyes.

"What happened? Maybe I can help."

My head shook, I wiped at my eyes with my sleeve. "No, there's nothing you can do."

He nodded. "Did you have a fight?"

Did we have a fight? Did I just break her heart and her trust in me? Yes and yes. And the worst wasn't over.

"She hates me." I told him.

He shrugged. "She doesn't hate you. You can't hate someone you're in love with. She can be mad at you all she wants, but she could never hate you. You mean too much to her. And she's going to be there for you no matter what."

Not what I needed to hear right now. I needed her far from Central City. I didn't know what else to do because what if the same events played out and she still ended up at the scene in front of Caitlin's apartment? There was no way I could watch her die again.

"Maybe you should give her some space. You can stay at my place if you want. My parents won't mind, they love you."

I sighed. "Thanks, but I don't think that'll do the trick."

He gave me a weird look. "Huh?"

"Nothing." My hand reached for my phone. "I need to make a call."

CAITLIN'S POV:

Ronnie and I sat in the waiting room to give Barry and Iris some space. I leaned against his big, strong shoulder.

"Are you cold?" He asked.

My hand tightened around his arm. "No." He was warm enough for the both of us.

He looked down at me and I hadn't realized that my mouth was against his arm until his eyes flared and a half grin came to his mouth. He reached down and placed me in his lap with ease.

My eyes widened. There were people around and he chose now to get cocky. My hand went to his chest to balance myself, instead I felt his steady heartbeat. My eyes found his and of course a blush rose.

He grinned. "You're freezing."

"I'm not cold." I tried to get up but his hands on my waist tightened. "You don't have to baby me."

"Maybe I just like having you in my lap."

My brow rose. Images from that night flashed through my mind. Every painfully erotic detail. How he filled me up, how I didn't feel like it was just a result of a drunken night gone too far. That meant a lot to me. And I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought about it continuously. Everything was confusing. Ever since Ronnie came into my life that's all it's been. Maybe the worst part was that I didn't have an answer for him while he patiently waited for me to figure out my sexuality and whether or not I wanted to risk our friendship to be with him. I had to hand it to him, he'd been extremely accommodating, knowing that those were very big decisions.

Then there were times like this where he openly showcased his thoughts and desires, and I didn't know how to handle them. Sure, it felt amazing being on his lap. But was that really worth ruining a friendship over if things turned south? He'd become really important to me.

My eyes met his hesitantly. "Maybe you shouldn't?" I whispered.

His blue eyes searched mine. "Why shouldn't I?"

I sighed. This wasn't easy to say. "Because I don't want you to wait around for me while I figure things out."

His hands tightened on my hips. "You're worth the wait, Cait."

My insides softened. I let my hand reach up and play with his hair, my eyes on his. "Ronnie," My eyes went to his mouth, remembering how good they made me feel. "I can't let you do that." He tried to protest, but I laid a finger on his lips. "I can't let you do that. You're such an amazing guy. There's way more depth to you than meets the eye and I'm glad that I got to see all of it." I bit my bottom lip. "But you can't put your life on pause while I try to figure out mine."

His forehead creased and I wanted to smooth out the wrinkles. "You want me to move on from you so things can go back to how they were before? Is that it?"

Did I want that? Did I want him to look at another girl how he looked at me? Did I want him to touch someone else how he touched me? Absolutely not. But did I want to keep our friendship in tact? Most definitely.

I nodded even though I was scared. "Yeah, that's what I want you to do."

He let that sink in for a moment. With a distinct nod, he picked me up from his lap and gave me a parting glance before he walked away.

As much as I wanted to race after him, as much as I wanted him to love me like he did that night so long ago, I stood my ground. Maybe this was for the best. We could focus more on our friendship, more on his abilities. And not to mention, I really missed Iris lately. Maybe I could convince her to slow down on this whole crime fighting mission.

IRIS' POV:

Eddie ushered me down the halls. "He's awake."

Relief flooded me.

We rounded the corner and saw everyone standing outside the room, chatting.

With a sigh, I mentally toughened up, and headed into the room where my dad waited. Of course, Barry was by his side. Seeing him brought back everything from earlier and all I could was stare at him. The bastard broke my heart.

My eyes went to my dad, "Hey," I went to his other side and grabbed his hand. "How are you feeling?"

"Never better." He offered a weak grin.

I nodded. "So the surgery went as planned. When can you come home?"

He cleared his throat. "They want to keep me another day or two. Make sure I'm okay." He looked out to the hall, not meeting my eyes. "Enough about me. How are you guys?"

"Are you going to be out of here by Christmas?" I asked.

"I don't know."

My forehead creased. "Why don't you know?" My voice rose.

"Iris," Barry warned.

My eyes burned into his. "What?" All the anger and mistrust I had earlier manifested again.

"Getting mad won't change anything." His eyes warned.

"You should've been there!" Accusation heavy in my voice. "What else were you doing? Or who else?"

My dad cleared his throat again. "That's enough."

I shook my head in protest. "No, dad. Barry's supposed to be the protector of the city. Where was he? Huh?"

My dad looked between us with narrowed eyes. "Alright, what's going on between you two?"

My eyes never left Barry's. "Absolutely nothing." I said with finality.

His green eyes seemed to catch on to what I meant and his jaw clenched in frustration.

"Barry?" My dad asked.

His eyes narrowed as if he had decided something. "Actually, Joe, there was something I have to tell you."

My eyes widened as butterflies twirled in my stomach. "Barry,"

He ignored me and put his hand on my dad's shoulder. "It's only because I thought I could handle it that I didn't tell you,"

"Barry," I pleaded.

My dad couldn't find out. He'd kill me for sure.

He briefly met my eyes. "You're daughter has been roaming the streets playing vigilante."

I stared at him incredulously. How could he betray me like that? The look on my dad's face was enough to invoke some tears.

"She's been training with Oliver and at Linda's parents gym, learning how to fight. She kept it a secret from you and from me. She's been lying to us for who knows how long? I told her to stay out of it, but she wouldn't listen to anything I had to say. Maybe she'll listen to you."

My dad just looked at me with flared eyes and I'd never felt more like a failure in my life. "Dad, it's not-"

"It's not what?" He all but yelled. "It's not what I think?" He slowly rose in his bed. "Have you or haven't you been running around the city, risking your life, to try and help people?"

My head hung as the tears fell down my face. I nodded.

"Answer me, young lady." He demanded.

Embarrassment filled me on top of the shame. "Yes, sir. I have." My eyes met his. "I wanted to help people, like you do."

He scoffed. "I help people by following the law, not running around in some little suit and beating up bad guys."

"But dad, I can save people. I've already done it a few times."

"But at what cost? I don't want you out there with all that violence."

My annoyance rose. "But-
He gave me a stern look. "But nothing. You will not live under my house and be a vigilante, do you understand me?"

I stared at him like he had lost his mind. "But what about Barry? I'm your daughter."

"Barry is a hero, he has superpowers, you could die out there, Iris." He argued.

My arms folded across my chest. "I'm just as capable as Barry and with more training I could really do some good."

He shook his head, dead set on my not living this life. "I will not allow it."

My body tensed as I admitted, "I won't stop."

He looked pained, but still said, "Then you don't live in my house anymore."

My heart hammered in my chest as I looked between the two of them. "Excuse me?"

Barry looked pleased with himself, like he'd won. Was this all some sick game to him? All of this time had he been playing me? He wanted a final story to tell his jock friends, about how he had gotten me to fall for him even after he'd shamed me for ten years straight. He probably organized his disappearance, just to get away from me. And he probably really loved Thea. He'd infiltrated my life, my friends, my house, and my family.

"You heard me, young lady. You live in my house, you follow my rules."

Disappointment filled me as I gave a curt nod. "Then I guess, I don't live under your roof anymore." I gave them a final look before I headed for the door.

"Iris, wait," My dad called, but I ignored him.

Caitlin rose from her seat and came after me with Linda and Felicity on her heels.

"You don't look okay," Linda said.

Caitlin smacked her arm.

"What happened?" Felicity asked.

I didn't say a word until I pushed the nearest side door open and were were surrounded by the bitter cold and darkness. I looked at my friends, completely grateful that I had them, knowing that I probably wouldn't see them for a long time.

"I'm leaving."

They all gave a collective, "What?"

I had to look away, because if I saw they're caring eyes I wouldn't be able to stop from breaking down. "I have to go."

Caitlin stepped forward. "What? Why?"

I shook my head, still not meeting her eyes. "There's nothing for me here anymore."

"So we don't matter enough for you to stay, is that it?" Linda accused.

"No, of course that's not it. I just need to get away."

"Iris," Caitlin started. "Look at me when I'm talking to you,"

My eyes hesitantly met hers. "What?"

"Your dad is in the hospital and you want to leave? What about us? What about Barry?"

"What about you, huh?" My voice rose. "None of you support my decision to help defend this city. My dad kicked me out of the house and Barry wants to continue his relationship with Thea!"

They stared at me in shock.

"So tell me why I'm staying here?"

Linda stepped forward. "Because we're your friends. You can stay with us, you don't have to leave."

I nodded. "Thanks for the offer, but," I looked them both in the eyes. "I can't stay here. I can't walk by my dad and Barry every day and pretend that everything isn't shit." I sighed, knowing that this would hurt Caitlin more than Linda. I grabbed one of their hands and squeezed. "I never thought I'd have friends and then Barry left and you both embraced me. Some more than others."

Caitlin and Linda shared a look with a small laugh, their eyes tearing up.

"You both were there for me when I needed you the most and I'll never forget it." I gave a weak grin, wanting to be brave for them. "But I have to do this, I have to go."

"Where are you going to go?" Caitlin asked, worry in her voice.

A tiny grin came to my face. "I have a friend." I looked to Felicity.

She grinned.

"I'll be fine, I promise."

They pulled me close for what was supposed to be a hug, but instead was a smush Iris circle.

"I'll call you everyday." Caitlin promised.

Linda nodded, still crying. "We'll come see you."

I grinned. "Okay, bring Cisco and Ronnie."

They nodded.

Felicity walked with me and it wasn't until a car pulled up beside us that I realized she must've called for one of Oliver's cars to pick us up. "We can leave tonight." She said.

Perfect.

When we got to my house, if you could even call it that anymore, I opened the car door for myself.

"I'll just wait here." Felicity said.

I nodded.

In fifteen minutes I decided what defined me as a person and I left it in the room. I only took the essentials. The quicker I got out of here the better. Part of me wanted to take a minute and look around my room and remember how it was, but that wouldn't do me any good. Instead, I headed down the stairs and grabbed a stationary and pen to write my dad a goodbye note.

The front door opened.

"Felicity, I'm almost ready." I announced from the kitchen.

"I think it's amazing that you can just run away without a goodbye."

My eyes found Barry standing in the doorway. I silently cursed my friends.

"What do you care? At least now you can have as much sex with Thea as you want without worrying about my hearing you. You can live guilt free now." I smirked as I ripped off the paper and slammed it on the kitchen table. "Isn't that what you wanted?" I pushed past him.

He grabbed my wrist and pulled me to his body, those angry green eyes bore into mine. "For the record, this is not what I wanted." His eyes scanned my face, like he was trying to remember it. "And you know that."

"You could've fooled me." I yanked away, disgusted to even be this close to him. I headed for the door, my bag slung over my shoulder. "Take care of my dad, Allen." I shut the door and stopped on the porch for a moment. The cold air visible in front of my face. This was something I never thought I had to go through and I never thought I'd be strong enough to leave my home, my friends, my dad, or Barry. My eyes went to the border where my porch ended and the real world started.

With a look back I revised the situation. Did I really have to leave? Couldn't I just stay with Caitlin or Linda? I knew deep down I couldn't, not when the reminder would be too painful, not when we all were centered around Barry. Not when I couldn't do any more growth here. So, no. I couldn't stay. I knew the car was waiting on the street, ready to take me to a new chapter.

I looked ahead and took the step forward.

Felicity gave me a sullen look when I slid into the seat. "For the record, I didn't tell Barry that you were leaving town. I told Oliver who then told Barry."

I waved it off. "Felicity," I buckled up, then looked straight ahead. "I'm going to be fine without Barry Allen. He doesn't define me. I define me." I looked to her and gave a small grin. "I'm going to be okay."

She nodded, her hand reached out to mine.

I took hers and squeezed.

A/N: Definitely not the last chapter, I promise. Thanks for the read. Please leave any comments, questions, or concerns. :) Have a nice day yall.