A/N: Thanks for the lovely response to last chapter! Hope you enjoy this one.

P.S. - HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOU!

For Your Benefit

S3 AU- This wasn't typically her sort of scene, but she swallowed down the hesitation and painted on a smile. After all, he did all of this for her, to honor her mom.

Chapter 5

Castle sank into the sticky vinyl of his hospital waiting room chair, not exactly the most comfortable way of sitting for hours, but he'd be damned if he was going anywhere any time soon. He had watched his best friend bleed out before his eyes and he wasn't leaving until he saw that she was alive. The surgeon had come out to get Jim about fifteen minutes ago, with a smile on his face - always a good sign - but for privacy reasons he would only speak to her father. Castle had understood, as much as it pained him.

Sighing, he pressed his fingertips gently onto his temples. He was starting to get a headache, the blinding florescent overhead lights weren't helping one bit. Added to the dull pain in his lower back caused by the misplaced spring in his chair; this place in no way gave off a 'let's keep the family comfortable' vibe. His eyes scanned for more unwelcome signs, when he noticed Jim Beckett walking from the corridor in his direction.

"How is she?" he asked, standing up to meet the older man halfway with his heart hammering in his chest. His nerves were shot at this point, and the coffee he had chugged only added to his jumpiness.

"Still unconscious," Jim said with a deep breath as he dug the heels of his hands into his eye sockets. "The doctors said that they were able to remove the entire bullet and she'll make a full recovery, so there's that…"

Kate's father held himself together better than he ever could, if Alexis had been in this situation…

The knowledge of what could've been was still etched deep in the lines of Jim's face, fear and exhaustion playing in every expression. No father should ever have to experience this and he couldn't help but feel like this was all his fault.

"Mr. Beckett, I'm so sorry."

He shook his head at the apology and walked with him back over to the world's most uncomfortable chairs.

"Jim, son, please call me Jim. Honestly Rick, you have nothing to apologize for. You planned this wonderful evening to honor my wife. You've been one of the best people in my daughter's life—" Kate's father admitted, his lips turning up into a smile.

"How do you – ?" he asked, the declaration making his heart dance against his ribcage. He hadn't ever had the chance to really talk to her father and this wasn't the way he would've liked to get to know him better.

"Katie talks about you all the time, Rick. I can just tell, she thinks very highly of you."

"Good to know. I've always been waiting on the day for her to shoot me for annoying her too much," he chuckled. They'd been great partners for awhile now, but that in no way meant that he hadn't driven her crazy on a daily basis. It was the one thing he excelled at.

"Well I'm not saying that's not still a very real possibility," Jim said, joining in with a laugh, his eyes sparkling for a moment.

"Nice to see where Kate gets her sense of humor from."

Her father nodded, still smiling, before his expression turned serious again.

"I'm just trying to say, she cares about you. You stayed with her until help arrived and you did everything you could."

"I did. I just wish I could've done more," he sighed, wringing his hands with the frustration at his inability to save her. "Wish it hadn't happened in the first place."

"Well I agree, but you can't change the past. You have to live in the present," Jim said, meeting his sigh with an expression that spoke volumes, secrets hidden beneath the deep wrinkles near his eyes. "Took me awhile to learn that, but I'm doing better now."

The words were laced with regret at his troubled history, but there was no need to acknowledge it. Castle gave him an understanding nod, trying to ease the tension in his own mind.

"Glad to hear, Jim." He paused for a minute, trying to find a tactful way of asking the question that had been nagging at his subconscious, but he knew there was no need to deny it any longer. The question had been itching in his throat. "Do you know when I can see her?"

"She's sleeping now, maybe go home and get some rest?"

Castle looked up at the clock. It was already midnight. He couldn't believe that so much time had passed already, but there was no way in hell he was leaving.

"Thank you, but I think I'll stay. Are you?"

Jim shook his head and rubbed the stiff muscles in his neck. He couldn't deny that the idea of sleeping in these chairs was less than thrilling, but he wouldn't change his mind.

"No, I don't think so. She's stable and I know she's in good hands. I'll be back in the morning. I let the nurses know to come get you when she wakes up."

"If she wakes up before you're back, I'll let her know you'll be here soon."

"Thanks Rick, but I doubt she'll be too concerned where I am, not if you're there," Jim said with a quiet laugh as he gave him a quick pat on the shoulder and walked off toward the elevator.

He watched her father for a moment before he was out of sight, losing himself in his thought, trying to come to terms with everything that happened over the last couple of hours. It was a lot to wrap his mind around.

The upbeat tone from his phone pulled him out of his daydream. Glancing down at the screen, he saw it was the precinct and he couldn't answer the call fast enough.

"Hey, anything? Did you find the shooter?" he asked, the desperation in his tone increased from his extreme exhaustion.

"Shooter vanished," Ryan groaned. "Catering staff noticed a blonde woman rushing from the scene so that's the only lead we have at this point. Espo and I have gone over everything a million times, but I don't think there's anything more we can do tonight…"

"Shooter was a woman?"

That was unexpected to say the least.

"Nothing confirmed yet, but definitely looks like that could be the case," he explained.

His mind was reeling. All the scenarios and reasoning flashed through his consciousness, nothing made sense. "Why? Was she targeted or was it random?"

Ryan sighed and Castle felt bad for grilling his friend, but they couldn't drop the ball on this case. Beckett deserved answers; she wouldn't feel safe until she knew the shooter was behind bars. "Castle, we want answers just as badly as you do, but right now everything is just speculation. I'll let you know as soon as something concrete comes in. So how is she?"

"She's out of surgery and stable, but still sedated."

"But she's going to be okay?" he asked.

"She's going to be just fine." Saying the words out loud caused relief to wash over his body, warming his skin. "It's going to take more than a bullet hole to knock Beckett out."

"Let her know that we're thinking about her and we will catch whoever did this to her."

"Thanks, Ryan."

Castle paced around the waiting room, completely on edge as the minutes ticked by into hours and the nurse still hadn't updated him. He couldn't sleep in those chairs, no matter how hard he tried, but sleep was the last thing on his mind. He couldn't relax until he could see her.

Beckett wasn't awake yet and each second that passed made him anxious. The stale, sterile air of the hospital was making his skin dry and the complimentary coffee cooling in the cardboard cup was bitter against his tongue.

Nothing was right.

It wouldn't be, until he could see Beckett and he knew that she was okay.

"You're still here?"

Josh's voice bounced around his ears until the words finally registered in his mind. How could he even ask him that? Where else would he be? Him of all people didn't have the right to make judgments on his behavior, not when this was the first Castle had seen of the doctor since Kate had been admitted. The hospital staff notified Josh that she had been brought in with a bullet wound and she was stable in surgery, but she had lost a lot of blood. Apparently that wasn't enough of a reason for Dr. Perfect to bring himself down from his cloud of virtue and heroism to check on his injured girlfriend.

One thing was for sure, Kate deserved a hell of a lot better than that.

"Where else would I be? She's my best friend…" he snapped, all civility lost at this late hour.

"Kate's my girlfriend and I wasn't here - she obviously didn't need you to stand vigil in the waiting area all night," Josh mocked, running his hand through his hair.

Smug bastard.

"I wanted to be here when she woke up." He tried to hold back the venom in his tone, but Josh's attitude was making it difficult.

"Nice that you care now," Josh said, his tone biting. "I mean really, a shooter at a charity event?"

The veins in Josh's neck started to budge as his voice grew more heated. He didn't need for him to make him feel bad about the situation because he already blamed himself. While he wasn't particularly fond of the doctor, he couldn't help but agree with the ridiculousness of the situation. The fact that she had been shot at the benefit was infuriating.

"Listen, Josh, I'm as stunned as you are…"

"Are you?" he asked, with his eyebrow arched, as a couple of nurses and doctors turned in their direction. "Did you get word that the woman you love was shot?"

Castle bit his tongue and clenched his fist. This wasn't the time and no good would come from fighting with Kate's boyfriend while she was healing from surgery. It was completely pointless, but it didn't stop his blood from boiling under his skin. Josh was upset, that much was obvious, but it wouldn't change anything.

Maybe if Josh was there when it happened – maybe if he was around for once – things might have been different.

"Josh, I'm not going to argue with you. Let's just wait for her to wake up," he said, consoling.

"Stay if you want, but I have rounds to make. I'll stop back down afterward."

"I'll be here when she wakes up. I don't want her to be alone."

"Once a puppy, always a puppy, huh?" he teased, under his breath, but loud enough that Castle heard every word. He wouldn't let himself feel bad for being a good friend to Beckett. At the end of the day, he knew she would do the same for him.

Partners.

"Don't you have lives to save Josh?" he muttered, shoulders slumping from the verbal sparring he hadn't had the energy for in the first place. "Why don't you let me worry about Kate…"

Josh huffed in his direction and stalked out of the seating area, almost pouting. Under normal circumstances, he could stomach the doctor's presence – today would not be one of those days. Emotions were escalated on both sides; he couldn't help but think that was the reason for Josh's extreme hostility toward him. Maybe or maybe that was just his true personality coming out. Hell, it was unbelievable how little he seemed to care about Kate lying in a hospital bed.

Well if Josh didn't care, it didn't change the fact that he sure as hell did.

"Mr. Castle?"

"Hmm?" he grunted, blinking his eyes open to find the warm smile of one of the surgical nurses. A sharp pain shot through his neck when he adjusted his body to turn toward the voice. He hadn't even realized he had fallen asleep.

"Mr. Castle, Ms. Beckett is awake and asking for you."

He sat straight up in his chair, the words like a jolt of caffeine directly into his veins.

"She's awake?" The night nurse nodded with a gentle curl to her lips, as he massaged the kink from his neck. "And she's okay? Like really okay?" he asked, the voice growing frantic with each word.

"Yes, Mr. Castle," the nurse said, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. "She'll make a full recovery. Now, if you'd like to follow me."

"Of course, thank you…" He nodded, using his hands to prop himself out of the torture device doubling as a chair.

"You can call me, Esther," she said, looking over her shoulder as they walked. Her tone was comforting, like honey soothing his panicked mind.

"Thanks, Esther."

The soft hum of machinery welcomed him as he walked through the threshold of her stark recovery room. A constant beep monitoring her heart rate was a relief – a reminder that she was still living, still breathing.

His eyes found her lying in the bed, wrapped under the thin starch blanket, plastic tubing taped onto each of her cheeks, running oxygen into her airway. As beat up as she looked, as frail as she looked, Kate Beckett bandaged and alive was the most beautiful sight in the world to him. A thought he never would've imagined in a million years.

"Cas – Castle?" she croaked, her voice scratchy and broken.

"Hey Beckett," he said, smiling. He couldn't take his eyes off of her, his feet frozen in place.

"You're staring. I must look awful."

"No, no, of course not." He shook his head, snapping out of his trance and walking to the seat next to her bed. "I just – I didn't think I'd see you again."

"Sorry for scaring you…"

Her words made his heart drop. Always the martyr, but he wouldn't hear any of that right now. Not after everything she had gone through today.

"You have nothing to apologize for, Kate," he whispered, looking down at his hands. "I should apologize to you, if I had better security –"

"It's not your fault." She tried to shake her head, but winced from the movement. "You probably saved my life."

"I didn't really do much." He didn't deserve any praise for what he did. If only he could have stopped the bullet from hitting her, he would've gladly stepped in front of it to spare her.

"You were with me, though. The entire time, right?" she asked, a small smile playing on her dry, cracked lips and he nodded.

"I was. You wouldn't let me leave." He answered her smile with one of his own, a soft chuckle falling from his tongue.

"Yeah – listen, Castle, I'm sorry."

"Beckett, you have to stop apologizing," he sighed, reaching forward to squeeze her forearm.

"I just – I need you," she whispered, voice cracking.

The words seemed foreign; this wasn't the Beckett he knew. This soft spoken woman that was lying before him, she was not the hardened detective he followed day in and day out. Detective Beckett was independent and acted like she didn't need anyone. However, this Kate Beckett, this version was exposed and vulnerable, her usual tough exterior missing.

"Kate, I –"

With a soft knock at the door, Esther walked into the room, apology shining in her eyes.

"Sorry to interrupt, but Ms. Beckett, it's time for your pain medicine."

"I can leave," he said, jumping from his seat, but Kate's nurse shook her head.

"No, you don't have to," she explained, walking over to one of the multiple machines that Beckett was attached to. "I just have to press the button to administer the dose. There you go; you'll feel a little drowsy soon, so Mr. Castle when she gets tired please let her get some rest."

He gave a quick nod, but his eyes were back on his partner, all else falling away.

"Of course."

Nurse Esther took a quick check of the rest of her vitals and patted her hand nearest her that was free from all the IVs, before giving them both a small smile on her way out the door.

"She's very sweet," Kate mused.

"She is. They better be paying her enough."

The words were quiet as he continued to stare at his partner. He couldn't get over the fact that she was here and alive. Panic was still flowing through his veins and playing in every corner of his mind, like if he took his eyes off of her for a second, none of this would be real.

"Castle…"

"Just saying, you deserve the best care money can buy. I want to help in any way I can."

"That's sweet, but unnecessary," she said, with a short sigh. If the situation were different, maybe that could've been considered a laugh, but not today. "I have good insurance and a nice cushion in my savings."

"Okay, Ms. Independent, but if something comes up – let me help. Remember, you need me," he repeated her words with a gentle curl on his lips.

"Don't make me regret saying that." She pulled her bottom lip through her teeth, trying to hold back the smile from his teasing.

"Are you kidding me?" he asked, grinning as his eyebrows danced in her direction. The joking eased his mind as he heard what was definitely a laugh slip from her mouth; even like this, even here, they could still be them. "That's the best thing you've ever said to me."

The moment was cut short as a loud yawn stretched her mouth wide and her eyes began to droop. Her lashes fluttered trying to keep herself awake; the effects of the medication were too much. He would love to sit with her forever, but she needed to get to sleep. The more her body rested, the sooner she'd be home and healed and back to verbally abusing him on a daily basis – the sooner it would all be back to normal.

His smile continued to play on his lips as he watched her try to suppress her yawns. She was stubborn as ever, maybe even more so now that she wasn't in control of everything.

He lifted out of his chair, surprising her with the action as her eyes expressed her dislike for the movement.

"You're leaving?" she asked, her voice deflating.

"You need rest. I'll be back in the morning, if you want me to."

"I do. Maybe sneak me some coffee…" Her question trailed off at the end as her eyes fell shut.

"I'll see what I can do," he whispered and reached for her hand, tracing his fingertips against the faint bruising from the events of the day. Hard to believe this morning when he got up, his only worry was what shoes he would wear with his tuxedo. The last twelve hours were a lot to process.

He glanced back at Kate's face, relaxed as the effects of the morphine started to pull her under. Her cheeks were a warm pink color again, not the soft glow they normally held, but it was an improvement from the shallow gray color of earlier. A quiet sigh slipped from her lips and her breathing slowed down. It was definitely time for him to leave.

"Until tomorrow, Beckett," he said, brushing the hair from her face. He pulled back, turning toward the door when he heard her stir as her eyes remained closed.

"Castle –" she said, sleep slurring each syllable. "I love you."

tbc

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