A/N: Thanks for being you.

All mistakes are my own.

For Your Benefit

S3 AU- This wasn't typically her sort of scene, but she swallowed down the hesitation and painted on a smile. After all, he did all of this for her, to honor her mom.

Chapter 6

"Careful."

"I am being careful," Kate scoffed, walking through the door into her apartment. Looking around the place, she noticed that everything was exactly how she had left it that night she had left with Castle. A flood of memories raced through her mind, overwhelming her thoughts.

The night she hadn't expected to end with getting shot.

She turned back to see the spark of hurt flash across her boyfriend's face, before he covered it up by shaking his head. There was no reason for her to snap at him for trying to help, but she hated when people treated her with kid gloves. One of the main reasons she was so glad to be discharged from the hospital. She finally had some room to breathe.

"I'm sorry," Josh mumbled, setting her duffle bag on the rug next to her front door.

"It's fine. I shouldn't have snapped, but I don't need you to remind me to be careful. I'm the one that just had the bullet taken out of my shoulder, remember?" She offered him a small curl of the lips as she shuffled toward the couch, sinking into the cushions. All she wanted to do was relax and have a cheesy romantic comedy movie marathon. Turning back toward the doorway she realized Josh hadn't moved to join her, not a great sign.

"I'm just trying to take care of you." He met her eyes as he spoke, the most open he had been with her in ages. They don't have this type of relationship; they merely skimmed the surface, never anything deep.

"I know, but I'm fine. I promise," she insisted, trying to avoid wincing when she adjusted herself on her seat.

"Because you wish it was someone else taking care of you instead of me," he said, with a slight sigh as he walked toward her, shoulders slumped and honesty etched in his expression. For a second she was confused by the turn of the conversation, but then her eyes fell upon the single red rose that she had forgotten on her kitchen counter. The perfect flower, since wilted, that Castle had given her.

The one that her boyfriend was now staring at…

"Josh."

"Kate, are we in this?" he asked, his voice low, turning back to meet her eyes. "I mean, I care about you and I think you care about me – but is it enough?"

She felt bad for him, the sadness painted across his features, but this had been the inevitable for awhile now. Today was just shitty timing.

"I do care about you." If they were going to start this conversation, she wouldn't turn back, she couldn't. There was no point in keeping one foot in with him, when she wanted to be someplace else entirely.

"I know," Josh said, clearing his throat with slight smile.

"But it's not enough. Can you honestly say that we have the type of relationship that comes first above all else? Because I can't look back at a time where we put us before our careers –"

She felt dizzy as the words flowed from her like a faucet that couldn't turn off. He opened his mouth with what she could only assume was an explanation on the tip of his tongue, but she lifted her hand. "Josh, I'm guilty of it too. You're a great guy and we had fun with what this was – but it's not what I need anymore."

He took a deep breath and shrugged. There was no argument to be had, they were always a dead end; a relationship based on mutual avoidance would never amount to anything.

"You're right. I hate that, but you are," he chuckled, dark and low. "It dawned on me when I watched your writer sitting in those uncomfortable chairs in the waiting room for hours while you were unconscious. Even after I picked a fight with him for no reason aside from my bruised ego, he stood his ground and never left. I took my irritation in the situation out on him, but seeing him the way he was, I knew he'd always put you first and I –"

"Wouldn't."

She finished his words. The statement hadn't stung like it should, the knowledge that her boyfriend didn't have the dedication that her partner had - she should feel something - but it only made her heart full with gratitude for the man Castle was.

"Medicine will always be my passion."

"I understand and admire that," she said, with a nod, resting her head against the back of the couch as her eyes slipped shut. "It's what drew me to you in the first place. We had that common passion for our fields, but I want more, now."

"And not from me."

Her eyes flashed open, meeting his, and she shook her head at the statement, biting her bottom lip to hold back the tears that threatened to fall. He was a good man, just not the right man for her.

"You're a great guy, Josh, but it would be wrong to try to force something when deep down, we both know it's not meant to be."

Josh stood there for a moment, staring between his hands and then looking back at the flower lying on the counter like the world's smallest elephant in the room. Glancing back to her, he nodded.

"You're an incredible woman, Kate. I hope he knows how lucky he is."

"Josh, it's not because of – "

She wanted to shake her head and tell him that it wasn't because of Castle, but he saved her from the lie.

"Maybe not, but it's obvious he already has your heart."

He wasn't wrong.

Well that was the cleanest Castle had ever seen his kitchen, he looked around, admiring his work.

He had ways of avoiding his feelings, and while typically he would've turned to writing - today his words wouldn't cooperate. After, staring at the keyboard for hours, he decided to stress clean. There could be worse things.

"So Katherine is being released today?"

He turned to find Martha floating down the stairs, obviously on her way to something and by the looks of her clothing choice; she could be ready for anything from grocery shopping to an evening with the president. It was really anyone's guess.

"She is."

"And what are you doing sitting here moping around?" she asked, arching her eyebrows at his sponge and yellow rubber gloves. Okay, he looked a bit ridiculous and now under her judging eye, he felt a bit ridiculous.

"I am not moping," he scoffed, ripping the gloves from his hands and tossing them in the trash.

"Could've fooled me. Seriously, that girl tells you she loves you –"

"In a drug induced haze…" he added with a self deprecating chuckle as he walked over to grab a bottle of beer from his fridge.

"Darling," she said, letting out an exaggerated sigh, how she hadn't ever won a Tony Award the world would never know. "Drug induced or not, she still said it. Have you even talked to her about it?"

"Haven't had much of an opportunity."

Which was a lie, but she didn't need to know that. He had been alone with her several times before she was discharged, but there had never seemed to be the right time to ask. There wasn't a playbook in asking someone if they remember telling a person they loved them and if they actually meant it. That was the plot of way too many romantic comedies and he'd prefer to not live in one.

"Richard, you've never been one to stand back on the sidelines when it comes to love."

"This is different," he explained, propping himself onto the bar stool, chugging another sip of the ice cold alcohol.

"Don't let it be." She placed a hand on his forearm with a loving squeeze and in turn, he placed his hand on top of hers. For all her faults, she was a wonderful mother.

"Maybe I'll call her."

"Or you could stop over and see how she's doing?"

"She doesn't need me hounding her, especially if Josh is there. Calling is a better idea," he decided, the idea making him unusually nervous. At the end of the day, love or not, Beckett was still his best friend.

"I swear. You two are going to send me to an early grave." He couldn't help but roll his eyes at her dramatics.

"Don't you have someplace to be, Mother?" Castle asked. He knew if she wouldn't leave soon, this game of unsolicited advice would grow tiring.

"I do. Please make sure to tell Katherine, I say hi and that I wish her well," she said with her voice ringing as she wiggled her fingers in his direction. "Tata."

She could do this.

She didn't need anyone to take care of her right now. Maybe she hadn't planned on breaking up with Josh the second she got home, but that didn't mean she couldn't manage recovering on her own.

Right?

Making dinner should be the easy part.

She took a deep breath, wincing at the sharp pain that spliced through her shoulder blade as she turned the wrong way and pulled at her stitches. All she wanted to do was boil some noodles, nothing fancy. Just enough to have something in her stomach so her pain pills wouldn't tear apart the lining of her stomach. She hadn't thought this through, however. After filling the pot with water, she realized she couldn't lift it with only one arm.

There had to be another way.

Balancing the pot against the sink, Kate cautiously used her good arm to bear the brunt of the weight and she positioned her hand from her injured side only in a support capacity. It didn't matter; even the slightest movement caused every nerve ending to set on fire. The intensity of the pain, forced her to drop the water back into the sink; the crash sent the excess over the edge, drenching both her clothing and the hardwood flooring.

"Fuck," she shouted, the word echoing in the emptiness of her apartment. She bit her bottom lip, trying to hold back her tears, but the pain was too intense. The dam broke and a sob ripped from her throat, leaving her body crumpled on the ground, leaning her head against one of her cabinets.

As she wiped the trail of tears from her cheeks, she heard her phone buzzing from across the room.

Dammit.

Taking a deep breath, Kate pushed herself up, gasping through the licks of agony that raced across her stitches. Finally reaching her phone, she looked down at the caller ID and a smile formed through her tears.

"Hey, Castle."

"Hey. Are you okay?" he asked, concern already coloring his words. Apparently she needed to work on her acting skills if he could already tell from just a simple greeting that something wasn't right.

"Yeah. I'm fine."

"I can tell when you're lying."

"You're right. Getting shot sucks," she admitted, laughing at the honesty and insanity of the statement. The movement pulled on her stitches, bringing fresh tears to blur her vision.

"So I've heard," he chuckled, almost like he was nervous. Why the hell would he be nervous talking to her? They spend pretty much every waking moment talking to each other.

"Yeah, I wouldn't recommend it."

"Noted. So - is Josh taking good care of you?" Castle asked.

There it was. Finally, something that explained the absurdity of his behavior. He was afraid he was interrupting her time with Josh.

"He's not here."

"Beckett, I thought – I thought he was taking you home," he stammered, as her heart started to race in her chest. This was the last thing she wanted to talk about tonight, but he would find out eventually. What was the point in hiding it?

"He was, but he left."

"What –"

"Castle, we broke up," she mumbled, swallowing back the lump that rose in her throat. It was all for the best. She wanted Castle to realize that, but confessing anything more to him, now, it felt wrong. Castle meant so much more to her and saying something over the phone, would make her feelings for him seem reactionary.

"Kate, I'm sorry."

"I'm not." She shook her head, as if he could sense what she was doing, who knows, maybe he could. "It's fine. It was a long time coming."

"Maybe, but you shouldn't be alone right now."

"It's okay. I'm a big girl," she said, tacking on a soft giggle to punctuate her statement. He sighed, obviously not believing her act.

"Have you eaten?"

"I will," she winced, looking back at the mess in her kitchen.

"Let me help."

"I'm fine, Castle. I'll talk to you later, okay?" she whispered, ending the call before he could reply. She had already burdened everyone so much over the last couple of days. He deserved a break from it all.

The credits for the first episode in her Nebula 9 marathon scrolled across her television screen, when she heard a knock at her door. She hadn't been expecting anyone; it was nearly eight o'clock at night. Glancing down at her sweat pants attire with a sigh, she wouldn't be winning at fashion awards today, that's for sure, but she was more concerned with comfort at this point than anything. Whoever it was, they'd have to deal with it.

Shuffling to the door, she looked through the peephole and gnawed on her lip, holding back a grin from the visitor. With a turn of the handle, Kate opened the door to the young delivery boy standing in the hallway.

"Ms. Beckett?"

"That's me."

"From Mr. Castle," the man said, handing over the plastic bags. Warmth spread throughout her body, down to her fingertips and up to color her cheeks. She should've known better. His thoughtfulness always went above and beyond.

"Thanks. Let me grab my wallet."

"It's already taken care of. Have a good night." He offered her a courteous smile and a quick nod before he turned back toward the elevator.

She closed the door, laughing and shaking her head at her partner – her friend and his ability to always know what she needed. The delivery was from her favorite Chinese restaurant, a sampling of her favorite menu items. At the bottom of the bag was a small Styrofoam container filled with ice packs around a pint of her go-to brand of mocha chocolate ice cream.

He thought of everything.

As if on cue, her cell phone rang and his picture popped up on the screen.

"Castle," she answered, as a grin stretched her mouth wide.

"You'd be surprised what you can get delivered in New York City with the right connections."

"This is amazing, Castle, really…" She paused, holding back her giggle, as she decided her next words carefully. "But what I could really use is my partner," she whispered.

tbc

Thank you all so much for reading! I wish I had time to thank each and everyone of you personally, but just know that I appreciate every word you send me. The support is overwhelming.

xoxo

Thanks to my fab quail squad. You guys have kept me sane.