A/N: Thanks for being amazing. Yes, you.

For Your Benefit

S3 AU- This wasn't typically her sort of scene, but she swallowed down the hesitation and painted on a smile. After all, he did all of this for her, to honor her mom.

Chapter 8

Warm.

That was her only thought as the first sparks of consciousness woke her from her sleep hazed mind. Kate turned toward the warmth, nuzzling her cheek against the soft fabric and warm body of –

Warm body?

Her eyes flashed open as memories of last night flooded through each synapses of her brain. Taking a deep breath and trying to calm her nerves, she found herself wrapped in the comforting scent of what remained of his cologne mixed with the clean fragrance of his laundry detergent.

This was perfect.

She couldn't understand what she had been so afraid of. Lying here cuddled against Castle, it just felt right, inevitable; she could stay like this all morning.

"You're thinking too loudly," he mumbled into her hair as she felt him stir from beneath her. The slight movement nudged her enough to pull on her stitches and not so subtly remind her that she was due for her dose of her pain medication.

"Sorry. I was just about to get up to take my medicine," Kate murmured into his shirt, sighing from the knowledge that she had to leave the haven of his arms. She rolled her eyes at her reluctance, there was no way she was this attached to cuddling with Castle after one night; she was not that girl.

"Stay," he said, brushing a kiss to her forehead, searing her skin from the touch. "I'll get it for you. If I'm here, I should be helping." She couldn't form any sort of response as she felt him ease his body off of the couch. Her mind was racing as her face flushed from the feeling of his lips on her skin. True, it was just her forehead and not a real kiss, but this wasn't something that they did.

At least it wasn't something they used to do, but now, in the morning had everything changed? She couldn't deny that her heart fluttered from the press of his mouth against her.

Her mind continued to wander, the idea of Castle kissing more than her forehead played through her thoughts like a movie, a daydream that she lost herself in before she noticed he was back standing in front of her with her medicine and a smirk on his face.

"Care to share with the class?"

She bit down on her bottom lip and shook her head as her embarrassment turned into a grin, accepting the pills and glass of water. "Thanks. Shouldn't you be getting home to Alexis?"

"Nah. She stayed at Paige's last night. Doubt she even knew I was gone and Mother had another dinner to attend with some theater friends. She probably hasn't even attempted her walk of shame yet…" he said, cringing with his final statement and she giggled at the theatrics.

"Castle," she scolded before turning toward him with a smirk, as he slid onto the cushion next to her. "Really? Are you one to talk today?" She scooted closer to his side and played with the buttons of his well worn shirt between her fingertips, laughing at the irony of the situation.

"Difference is this was completely innocent."

"True. Innocent…"

"Beckett?" he asked, looking down as she rested her head on his shoulder. The draw to be near him was magnetic now that the dam had broken. There was no way she could stop. She wanted to dive into it with him; she only hoped his late night confession wasn't his subconscious speaking for him.

"We need to talk, Castle," she hummed, turning her head to meet his eyes. Swallowing down any hesitation, she had to just go for it. "What I said last night – "

She felt his breath still; maybe this was a bad idea. God, she was an idiot.

"And what I said…" he whispered, as his breath warmed her cheek.

So he remembered? The small knowledge left her heart hammering against her chest as her lips curled, unable to contain the smile that demanded to stretch across her face.

"You weren't sleep talking?"

"No. Kate, you have to know by now that I lo – "

His words were cut short by the blaring ring coming from her cell phone and her eyes flashed up to see his shoulders slump from the interruption.

"Castle…"

"No, it's okay. Look, it's the Twelfth," he said, handing her the phone with what appeared to be a forced smile. Of all times, why couldn't the call wait fifteen minutes because now their bubble of honesty seemed to be thoroughly popped. The moment was gone. With a sigh, she swiped her finger against the screen.

"Beckett," she said, her tone laced with her irritation from the interruption.

Esposito's words were hurried, leaving her stomach in knots as she felt all the heat drain from her cheeks. There was no hiding the intent behind his call and when he muttered the words she both hoped for and dreaded at the same time, she could barely hear anything else that her friend had to say.

Kate dropped her phone, the weight of his words transferring physical weight to the cell. Her eyes flashed up to Castle as he pressed his palm against her cheek, his thumb rubbing a hypnotic circle along the worry lines on her skin. The touch only provided a small comfort.

"Kate?" he whispered the question, tentative, like he was afraid of how to proceed.

"They caught her…" The statement was foreign to her ears, like the voice was coming from someone else. Every conscious thought in the hospital had been the sole desire to figure out who was responsible for this, but now that they had. The reality of the situation terrified her in a way that didn't make sense throughout all her years of training with the Twelfth.

"Who?"

"My shooter. They caught her, Castle and she'll only talk to – you."

The ride to the precinct had been quiet; a nervous energy between them and not the happy, loving kind. Their moment had been stolen from them, another thing ruined by the shooting. He wanted to make it better for her, ease the pain that she felt.

Last night seemed to begin the healing process, it was nearly perfect and then this morning, waking up with her in his arms.

But now…

"I still don't understand, why did she ask for me?"

"She said that you're the only person that would understand her," she mumbled, looking down at her hands as they stepped off of the elevator together.

This wasn't how their morning was supposed to go. After their confessions last night, he had thought this morning would've been spent discussing their future and maybe a kiss.

God, he wished he could've kissed her.

It seemed to be a massive conspiracy against them; all the phones seemed to know the exact moment to ring to interrupt anything meaningful between them. Castle sighed and reached for her arm, stopping her beeline into the interrogation room. None of this was making any sense and he needed answers.

"Beckett, why would I ever understand someone trying to shoot you?"

"I don't know, Castle," she said, shrugging. Her expression was protected, but such a stark contrast to her earlier happiness. The vast difference made his heart drop. "That's her request, so we're going to go in there and talk to her."

She turned back to find Captain Montgomery standing in front of them. His arms were folded across his chest as his lips formed a thin line, all the while his eyes bled with apology.

"Hold up, Beckett, there's no way I'm letting you go in there," Montgomery said, blocking the interrogation room.

"But Sir, the suspect requested Castle and I –" she scoffed. He could tell she was trying to remain as respectful as possible, but her mask of indifference fell and was replaced with her typical drive for answers. She wanted to get the story as much as he did.

"Exactly, she requested Castle. You can watch from observation and Detective Ryan can assist him."

His posture was stern, unmoving and Castle could tell that she was losing this battle, but that didn't stop her from trying. This was Kate Beckett, she didn't back down. He had told her before this was part of what made her extraordinary and he still stood by those words today. She was standing here, battered and bruised, but with the will to go in there and fight with everything she had left in her.

Glancing down, he couldn't help but notice how much smaller she looked without her heels, almost fragile with her bandages peeking from the collar of her sweater. He wanted to protect her, fix this for her and if the suspect wanted to speak to him, he wouldn't mess this up.

"Sir, this is my case," she growled. "I deserve to see this through."

"Beckett, it's not your case," Roy said, shaking his head, unwavering in his conviction. "You were the victim, there's no way I'm letting you get involved with this."

"This isn't fair. I need to be in there with Castle," she pleaded, and his heart shattered, her voice sounded so broken, so desperate. He wanted to take the pain away; he couldn't let her down.

"Observation, Detective, or you can wait in the break room, but I'm not letting you compromise this investigation. You're too close to this," he barked.

"Sir?" Her voice was drained, nearly a whisper.

"Discussion's over, Detective," he stated, giving her one more firm nod before he walked off toward his office.

"Kate, I don't – I didn't ask for this…" Castle hesitated, his voice low, trying his best to not hurt her more than she already was. It just seemed like everything had started collapse for her because of the charity auction. He couldn't help but feel like he was responsible for everything that had spiraled out of control in her life since then.

"I know, Castle, but it's not your fault. None of this is," she said, reminding him.

For once, words didn't help.

It couldn't stop the guilt from coursing through his veins, the sinking feeling that had taken root in his stomach since she had been shot, and had only intensified as soon as she told him the shooter requested him.

"If I could change any of this, I would in a heartbeat."

Beckett offered him a small smile, the first he could remember seeing since they had pulled up to the precinct.

"Go find out why. Figure out the story for us," she hummed with a squeeze of his hand, she turned to leave him to the interrogation.

The petite blonde sat across from Ryan, her hands in cuffs and her head bowed, until she heard the door open. Her face lit up as she noticed him walk into the room.

"Oh my God! It's you. It's really you!" she shrieked, nearly lurching toward him, before the cuffs stopped her from moving any further.

"Hey Castle," Ryan said, tight lipped, but his expression telling of his discomfort for the situation.

Ryan seemed just as confused as everyone else. Why on earth would this woman that didn't have a history with any of them, go after Beckett?

With a slight nod, Castle took the chair next to his friend, opposite of the unusually perky suspect. Ryan opened the file and slid it over to him. So this was the shooter. Nothing like he would have pictured, but that just proved that appearances were deceiving. "Ms. Lacey Mack, no priors and only recently became a registered gun owner," he explained.

"Richard Castle. I can't believe you're really here," she gushed, the falsetto of her voice left a chill racing down his spine. Her eyes were bright and wide as her grin stretched across her rose colored cheeks. It was haunting. She looked more model than killer. He needed the story here; he needed to find the logic in all of this.

"Ms. Mack, they said you wanted to speak to me, that you'd only talk to me," he said, trying to keep his voice as even as possible, but his anger was barely below the surface. Sitting this close to the person responsible for hurting Kate, his blood boiled as she appeared to have absolutely no remorse.

"Well yes, I said it, but I didn't think they'd actually get you. And it's nice to see you here, alone. Without that woman following you around…" she rambled, her tone bubbly and upbeat with each word except for the venom laced around the word woman.

It was bad enough that she was sitting her happy and unapologetic, but he wouldn't deal with her having the audacity of insulting Beckett further.

"Excuse me?" he snapped.

"That detective groupie of yours," she scoffed.

His fist clenched underneath the table, his patience was wearing thin with each word she uttered. He needed to get a handle of his anger or he wouldn't get anywhere with this interrogation.

"Groupie?" Ryan barked out a laugh, as Castle cringed at the word. He could only imagine that Beckett's blood was boiling from behind the two-way mirror.

"Actually, I follow Detective Beckett around for research for my Nikki Heat series, but really that's not relevant. The question that we have for you is why did you show up to a charity benefit and start shooting?" he asked, his voice surprisingly calm to his own ears, but his thoughts were racing. He could usually make sense of most suspects' motives, but looking down at her file; there was no sense to be had.

"She needed to learn her place," she spat, the perky tone dissipating into a vile, hateful sound. "She needed to be eliminated."

The way she said it, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. What could this woman have against his partner, to have such a strong desire to kill her?

"Eliminated?" he asked, trying to choke down the stomach bile that rose in his throat.

"Yes. Ever since you started hanging around her, your true fans are missing out. I was doing everyone a great service by trying to get rid of her. She's a distraction for you. So people like me might have a chance to have a night with the handsome, Richard Castle," she said, lowering her voice to a husk as she fluttered her eyelashes.

"You did all of this to try and date me?" His voice was nearly a yell, unable to contain his disgust. Beckett was shot, all because of the fact that someone this deranged had a crush on him… "My personal life is none of your concern, Ms. Mack."

"She's not worthy of someone like you. You're a true white whale, a catch. You're supposed to be with me."

Castle was shaking, he couldn't stop. This woman wanted the woman he loved dead, all because of him.

"So you admit to shooting Detective Beckett on the evening of the charity auction?" Ryan asked.

It was a good thing Ryan was able to focus on doing his job, because the woman in front of him was making him sick to his stomach. The idea that someone would go after Kate simply because she wanted to be with him; it had him swallowing back bile.

"I do and I'd do it again," she stated, a smirk playing on her lips and it nearly had him jumping across the table. Anything to stop her from saying anything more. "Only thing I regret was the fact that I didn't take more practice shots, I heard I only managed to hit her shoulder. Such a disappointment…"

His stomach clenched as she sat there, confessing the entire thing as it if was completely justified. The way she winked at him as she admitted to sneaking the gun in and firing, like he would be impressed with her plan. With each word his worst fear had been realized, this was the second time his fame had put a target on Beckett's back and this time it wasn't a delusional man that confused her for the character; no this time it was a fan of his who thought she was simply in the way.

This time it really was all his fault.

Kate met him in the hall as he bolted from the room. The confession was ugly and Montgomery had been right, it was a good thing she hadn't been in there with them. There was no way she could've stayed calm, and most likely the suspect would've become hostile and agitated. Hell, maybe she wouldn't have confessed anything if she had been in there with Castle. The jealousy would've driven her mad.

Castle glanced at her, but only offered her a sad smile before he walked passed, towards the elevators.

"So that was…crazy," she said, following along, trying anything to get him to stop and talk to her.

"Yeah," he murmured, not turning around or slowing down.

Beckett didn't know exactly what was going through his head right now, but she knew Mack's confession hadn't sat well with him. Though she was fairly certain it hadn't sat well with anyone, because she felt a little nauseated from the knowledge of how close it came and how she was definitely the target.

When it had happened, she had thought it was just a stray bullet, wrong place at the wrong time, but now she couldn't live with that theory anymore.

"Castle?" She reached for his hand, her palm kissing his. The contact left him stuttering to a stop. His gaze fell back to her, as pained as it may be.

"I'm going to head home. I should probably check on Alexis."

"Castle, wait. Just give me a minute first," she said, pulling him toward the abandoned hallway, into the small supply closet. As much as he seemed to protest with his expression, his body willingly walked along with her.

"Beckett, I really need to go," he mumbled, his eyes avoiding her, darting around the room.

No.

Not after everything that had happened last night. They needed to talk, maybe not about them, but they sure as hell could talk about this. She reached up and cupped her hand against his jaw line, forcing him to look at her.

"What's going on? Talk to me," she pleaded, before she removed her hand, the position pulling at her stitches. This pain and lack of movement was going to get old really quick. "When you walked out of interrogation, you looked like you'd seen a ghost, Castle. I mean, I know she's a whack job, but –"

She forced out a laugh, trying to joke about the situation, as much as it sickened her. At this point, she was willing to try anything to stop the hardened look on her partner's face.

"I did this to you," he confessed, the words broken, his voice thick. She moved closer, backing him against one of the shelves.

"No, the blonde Barbie doll in cuffs did," she said, shaking her head. He couldn't do this. It wasn't his fault. God, none of this was his fault and he didn't need to carry that guilt around. He needed to understand that she didn't hold him responsible for what had happened.

"No, Beckett, don't you see. I put you in the spotlight, these books; you didn't want any of it." He placed his hand against the side of her waist, and she smiled at the contact. The simple touch was grounding her, keeping them connected, maybe it would be okay.

"Castle, I'll admit at first it was a lot to get used to, but that was in the beginning," she said, with a laugh, moving closer against his body. "Honestly, I couldn't imagine things any other way."

"Until I manage to one day get you killed," he whispered. She could tell that he nearly lost it on the word killed, his eyes filling with tears, as he blinked rapidly, trying everything to prevent them from rolling down his cheeks. Kate brought her hands up against his cheeks, bracketing his face - to hell with her stitches. She had to get through to him, this was far more important than slight discomfort.

"I'm a cop, Castle. My job is dangerous, there's always that possibility of me not coming home at night."

"But I shouldn't add to it," he scoffed, leaning forward to rest his forehead against hers. "You shouldn't have to deal with deranged fans on my account."

"It's fine."

"No, Beckett it's not. It's –"

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying maybe I should take a step back."

As soon as he said the words, her mind started spinning. This wasn't how the day was supposed to go. She told him she loved him. He told her he felt the same and now he wanted to leave her again? Just like last summer?

"A step back. Wha – what about last night?"

"Kate, please. Don't make this any worse," he said, wiping the path of tears that she hadn't realized were streaming down her cheeks.

Fuck.

"Any worse? Castle, I tell you I love you and now you want to leave me."

"Don't you see? I have to leave because I love you. I put you in the crosshairs, Kate. I did this to you!" His voice was booming, but she couldn't let him think that. How the hell could he think that? There was no way she could ever blame him for any of this.

"Castle stop…It's not your fault…"

"Beckett, this wasn't the first time. First Scott Dunn and - damn you nearly died when your apartment burnt down. And now you were shot by someone else that was fixated on me?" He wouldn't meet her eyes, but she could see the pain within his expression. All she wanted to do was wrap herself in his embrace because the guilt that he was carrying around was the only thing killing her.

"You have been the best thing to happen to me, Castle, the best thing in my life in the longest time...You're my best friend above all else," she sniffed, blinking back further tears that threatened to fall.

She reached out for his arm as he twisted the handle, Castle turned back toward her, squeezing his eyes closed and pressing a kiss to her forehead.

"I need to go – clear my head. I'll call you later, Kate."

Her heart sank and her eyes slammed shut as the sound of her partner walking out the door echoed throughout the space, causing her body to jump as the door closed behind him.

This wasn't happening.

No.

Taking a deep breath, Kate shook her head and pulled her bottom lip between her teeth. She wiped away her remaining tears as determination coursed through her veins. They weren't going to end before they had the chance to even begin.

Not if she could do anything about it...

tbc

Thanks so much to everyone reading this story. Your words and feedback are appreciated more than you know.

xoxo

To my wonderful betas...your friendship and humor keep me on my toes and constantly leave me laughing.