Chapter Twenty-Three
Denver, Denture, Old People. Duh.
(Heather)
"What do you mean they didn't show up?"
Harlow shrugged her shoulders, taking a dainty little sip from her bottle of apple juice. Mm mm mm. Look at those lips on the rim of her apple juice bottle. Sexy girl.
GAH, STOP IT HEATHER. STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT.
"Didn't show up to practice," she sighed, looking glumly over the lawns of our little campus.
"Wait wait .. wasn't Sophie the one who made the practice date?" Katrina asked, brow furrowing in confusion.
Harlow nodded. "Yep. Guess she forgot."
"Forgot my ass, what a bitch," Kat muttered.
Harlow laughed. "Have you ever met Kimmy Morris? She's on the team. I think you'd like her."
"So what are you guys - oop, girls, no offense sweet Vincent-meister - gonna do about the game tonight, then?" I asked.
Harlow smiled, but shrugged those tiny shoulders again. "Play. We've still got seven people on the team. Six play, one stays off. We just have to pray to God no one hurts themselves, or we're shit out of luck."
On this bee-ah-yew-tee-full, sunny day in the early month of May (hey, I rhymed!), Harlow, Katrina and I were seated on the lawn on the main campus in Penn State. To our left, hot shirtless men playing a dirty game of football. To our right, kids as white as my ass in black leather playing an equally - if not more so - dirty game of Dungeons and Dragons. Up on the steps, students lounging around, reading textbooks. The weather brought out the good, the weird, the ugly, the hot and the happy in everyone. Yeah it was exam week, so what? THE SUN DOESN'T BOW TO YOUR EXAM REGIME, UNIVERSITY. BWAHAHAHA. KNEEL BEFORE YOUR NEW KING, THE SUN OF SPACE.
Christ, exams made me fuckin' weird.
The lovely Kat and I had invited Harlow out on a romantic - oop, I meant platonic - picnic in the campus grounds, and she'd cheerfully accepted (probably cause she knew she got to hang out with me ... duh). We kinda figured since she was going to be pulling those luxurious locks of hair out by nine this evening on account of the fact that she had fourth year exams and two elimination volleyball matches all in one week, it'd be nice to get her out into the relaxing sunlight.
Katrina, who'd been shooting me dirty looks ever since I pulled my lunch out of my backpack (what's the matter with a quart of potato salad and half of a roasted chicken, I ask you?), pecked lightly on carrot sticks and turkey sandwiches with Harlow. Don't know why she was so miserable today - Harlow'd happily accepted a few forkfuls of Heather Taddy's delishioso Tater Salad. Well, actually I kind of shoved my fork down Lo's throat in overzealous excitement, but she assured me she wanted some anyways.
Oooh! Maybe that's why Katrina was mad. I embarrassed her. Whateva, love me or leave me, bitchtits!
"Don't worry about the game tonight," Katrina said reassuringly. "You guys are the best team we've had in years, regardless of whether or not you have a full roster. You'll do great."
"Yeah, and it's Denver University anyways," I sniffed. "Don't even worry. 'Denver' sounds like 'Denture'."
"How does that have anything at all to do with .. well, with anything?" Katrina asked, looking irritably over at me.
Uh. Duh.
"Because 'denture' makes you think of old people. Old people can't play volleyball. Well they can, but not well. Denver - denture - old people - can't play volleyball. See?"
"Yeah, how could you not have made that connection, Katrina?" Harlow asked, brilliant grin lighting up her face.
Kat rolled her eyes. "How silly of me."
"I actually heard they're a pretty good team," Harlow said, leaning back on her arms.
"We also heard NYU was a pretty good team, and from what I can remember you guys destroyed them," Katrina said cheerfully.
Harlow laughed but shook her head, shaggy brown waves rippling against her shoulders - oh drool. "That was back when we were all getting along, though. Teams only work well when everyone's on the same page."
"Fair point," I agreed, curling my legs beneath me. "But lets look at the facts. What are the odds Sophie and those other asstits are going to show up? If they don't, it's the seven of you, and you all get along great. And if they do show up ... ?"
"What are you going to do?" Kat asked.
Harlow was biting her bottom lip, an expression of intense concentration and puzzlement on that pretty face.
"I don't know," she said softly. "I've been trying to figure it out. But .. I don't know."
"Are you going to let them play?" I asked.
Harlow frowned, picking at a spot on the knee of her jeans. "I don't .. I don't know. It wouldn't be fair to let them, would it? But would it really be fair to keep them on the bench the entire time?"
"They didn't show up to practice," I reasoned. "It's their own fault."
"True," Harlow said.
"But they're still apart of the team," Katrina argued thoughtfully. "Can you really afford to ban five people off the court?"
"Also true," Lo sighed.
"Use your judgment, Harlow," I said brightly. "No matter what you choose to do, you've got more then half the team backing you up."
"And you said it yourself," Katrina chimed in - lemme have my glory, you bitch. "The best players you have are all on your side. Really, you don't even need the other five. It's your decision, and people will support you no matter what you do."
"We all trust you, Lo," I said. "You gotta do what you gotta do. You'll make the right decision."
"It's a decision I wish I didn't have to make," she said quietly.
"No one would want to make it," Katrina said lightly. "But we believe in you."
Harlow nodded, but looked solemnly out across the campus once more. There was a strange light behind her eyes, a strange twinkling I didn't remember ever seeing before. It was a bizarre glimmer of wickedness for such a weary, wholly innocent face. Strange. A little ... evil. It didn't belong with the rest of her facial expression, it was oddly out of place, and rather unsettling. It took me by surprise, but I blinked, and ...
It had disappeared. The deadened, miserable glint had taken over once again. In fact, the fury had been there and gone so suddenly, I easily could've - and probably did - just imagined the malicious twinkle.
Yeah. I must've.
(Sophie)
"Jeeze, what took you so long? We've been sittin' here for almost fifteen minutes now!"
"Sorry," I muttered irritably, throwing my bag into the trunk of Ash's car. "Lost track of time."
Ashlee rolled her eyes, and I slid into the front seat next to her. Kenzie, Ainslee and Nat were all jampacked in the backseat. I peered at them through the rearview mirror, and was a little unimpressed to see that they were all looking slightly pleased with themselves as they gazed out the window. Bunch of assholes. Just because I chose to miss the practice didn't mean they had to ...
Switching her gearshift into 'D', Ashlee shot forwards and ebbed quickly and efficiently into the closer lane.
"So, University of Denver, huh?" Ash said, looking calmly through the front window - clearly she was trying to break the inch thick air of silence between the rest of the passengers. Yeah, good luck. "We got this."
"I heard they're a shitty team," Mickenzie chimed in, leaning forwards a little, brown eyes wide with smugness. "This should be a breeze."
"You think Harlow's gonna be mad we missed practice?" Natalie said dully, looking between all the people in the car with those wide, vacant eyes.
"Who cares," Ainslee snorted, crossing her thin arms in front of her. "We had other things to do. Although she's psychic, so I'm sure she already knew we were going to bail out."
The girls in the car gave a roar of appreciative laughter, but I couldn't really find it in me to join them. Not only was I exhausted (I hadn't slept even a wink last night, not after that horrific nightmare), but their redundant jokes were grating on me more and more as time passed on. How many more times could I hear 'well, she is a psychic'or 'well, she can see dead people, or so she says' without completely losing my shit on them?
Yeah, hilarious - Harlow's a freak, a delusional nut job who thinks she can talk to ghosts. It was funny the first time, but after the three hundredth it was not only unfunny, but grating and obnoxious. One more crack and I swear I was going to throw myself through the windshield ...
"You don't think she'll bench us all game, do you?" Mickenzie asked, in a voice of very feigned nonchalance.
"Dunno," Ainslee said with a shrug. "Technically, she can't. It's in the rules that you have to give every player equal game time, or else - "
"That's not in the rules," I said irritably. "That's a common misconception. It's not in the rules."
There was an awkward silence that filled the car, but I found myself caring even less then I had before. Right now, my level of irritation was skyrocketing through the roof of this shitty Hybrid. I didn't care if I hurt any of their feelings. They'd been driving me fucking bananas for weeks now. And that voice of Ainslee - my God, like nails down a fucking chalkboard. Whoever told her talking through her nose like a retarded 13 year old was cute should be beaten, tarred and feathered.
"Well, you won't let her do that, right Soph?" Ash said calmly, peering cautiously over at me. "She can't make big game decisions without consulting the Assistant Captain, that's - "
"A load of bullshit," I snapped. "She's the Captain, she can do what she wants. I've got no say."
Another awkward silence fell through the car, but this time it was their unflappable sense of fear and uncertainty that eased the angry tension in my gut. I couldn't do shit. Maybe they didn't realize that before, but surely they did now. What could I do? Assistant Captain wasn't even a real position, it was nowhere in the handbook, nowhere in the game rules of regulations. It was something Harlow'd made up when she felt guilty about beating me in tryouts.
But why would these bitchtits have known that? They'd never cared enough to ask. Not me, anyways. And I'm sure they never bothered to ask Lo. Perhaps they should have done their research before turning on Harlow? I was nothing at all without her, maybe they could've kissed her ass instead of mine. Maybe they'd still have friends, still be apart of the team if they'd looked into who really ran the roster.
"Then ... why did we all miss practice?" Natalie asked dimly.
"I didn't feel well," I said tersely. "I stayed home."
"Well we didn't feel welll either," Mickenzie chimed in. "I think it's that twenty four hour bug that's going around, a lot of people - "
"There's no twenty four hour bug going around," I said angrily, that same irritation boiling in the pit of my stomach once more. "But by all means, tell Harlow that. I'm sure it won't look fishy at all that the five people who've been treating her like shit all missed practice because of a fake flu going around campus."
This time the silence that fell over the car wasn't broken, and lasted the rest of the way to the auditorium. I didn't care. I really didn't. Harlow and I were on the outs, which meant more then half the team - girls I'd loved more than life itself only two weeks ago - were also on the outs with me. All I had left? These numbnuts in the back seat.
I'd spent the past two weeks being followed around by them, listening to their low blow jokes about Harley, hearing them talk such terrible shit about her, it almost made me sick. Had they always been like this? When Lo and I were still friends, had they said similar things about me? I didn't know. Didn't want to know, really.
I was out of line. But so was Harlow. Why wouldn't she have told me about that ... that thing. Why would she have kept that a secret? Weren't we supposed to be best friends? My whole life I was lied to. My mother, my father, all my stupid nannies. No one ever told me what was going on. No one ever included me in anything. They were too busy with their own secrets, with their own dirty lies. So I leave, run away from home, from my family, from everything I didn't know. I come to Penn State. I meet Harlow. Beautiful, wonderful, caring Harlow. I open up to her like I'd never opened up to anyone else before in my life. And I thought she did the same. But no, apparently not. She was just like everyone else in my life. A liar.
The pain of being lied to was nowhere near as terrible as the pain of losing my best friend.
But even the worst pain can be subdued by the all-consuming, indescribable feeling of fury.
(Lindsey)
"What do I do?"
Harlow looked exhausted, the poor thing. Her hair was up in a droopy ponytail, and there were deep bags beneath her twinkling green eyes. She even looked paler. All the stress was getting to her, and there was nothing myself or any of the other girls in the locker room could've done for her. A fact we were all horrifically aware of, thank you very much.
Harley was cross legged on the locker room bench, hands folded neatly in her lap. Emma, Jenn, Meagan and Jess were all over on the other end of the room, stretching, tying their shoes, getting ready, talking loudly and excitedly about the game less then five minutes away. Kimmy and I, already fully changed and rarin' to go, were sittin' on either side of Harlow. Kimmy pulled her knees up to her chin, looking thoughtfully across the room at our four little amigos.
"It's a tough situation," she said hesitantly. "What can you do?"
"That's what I've been trying to figure out," Harlow sighed. "I can bench them, but that's five people."
"Might as well just send them home if they're out the entire time," Kimmy said softly.
"But if I let them play, what message does that send? That it's okay for them all to bail out on practice?"
"It's only fair to show them that there are repercussions for ditching."
"Both are the right things to do, but they're just as wrong as they are correct," Harlow said in frustration.
"You know what you have to do, don't you?" Kimmy said quietly.
Harlow peered over at her, those brilliant eyes vacant. "I don't want to."
"You've got to," I said.
"Talk to Sophie," Kimmy urged, resting a little hand on Harlow's leg. "It'll suck, but you know it's gonna suck. Just stand your ground. Don't let her walk all over you."
"Easier said then done," she sighed.
"Don't we know it," I said with a little smile. "But no matter what happens Harlow - no matter what has happened - you're the Captain of this team. And you know for a fact that there are 6 people in this locker room that will support you no matter what you choose to do."
"And we're proud of whatever decision you make," Kimmy said, throwing an arm around Lo's shoulders and giving a light squeeze.
"Your biggest flaw, Lo," I said, trying with decent luck to not make my voice sound anywhere even close to accusatory. "Is that you're a doormat about a lot of things. You apologize when things aren't even your fault - "
"I know, I'm sorry," she sighed.
"See?" Kimmy said, rolling her eyes. "You'll let people walk all over you, just because you don't want to upset anyone. But life isn't about walking on eggshells just to avoid a confrontation. You're the Captain of this team. You don't have Sophie anymore to reinforce what you want. You need to stand up for yourself. You don't need to ask us the rules, you need to tell us."
"You're right," she said, but she still looked slightly panic-stricken. "You're both right, as always."
There were faint footsteps, and the door to the locker room clicked open. We all froze, as the muffled voices of four different girls sounded through the room. Seconds later, Sophie, Ashlee, Ainslee, Mickenzie and Natalie all stepped into clear view, looking between the two groups of girls. Natalie and Ainslee looked slightly embarrassed - Ash and Kenzie looked somewhat defiant. Sophie pretended to take no notice of anyone, and instead beelined for her locker across the room.
I peered over at Kimmy, who was looking curiously at Harlow. There was the most peculiar look on our Harley's face - it was this strange, uncommon look of something between panic and fear, mingled with slight irritation and determination. But there was a fire behind her pupils, a burning I didn't recognize. Something malevolent that I'd never even seen a flash of on that beautiful face ever before. I felt a strange chill run through my body - but when I looked back over at her, the fire was gone, and she was looking warily over at the girls once again.
Maybe I'd imagined it? Yeah ... I must've.
"Stand your ground," I heard Kimmy mutter to Harlow under her breath.
Kimmy stood up, and waved a hand over at Emma. "Em, you got any deodorant? I think I forgot mine."
"I don't want your pits anywhere near my speedstick," Emma said, scrunching your nose.
"Oh just let her borrow it," I sighed, shaking off the surprise of Harlow's fury a second before. "If you don't she'll sweat a small lake and we'll all wipe out on the court."
"Friggin' nasty," Jenn laughed, tying her own hair up in a ponytail.
Mine and Kimmy's ploy seemed to work - there was no more awkward silence, just slight laughter between all of Team Harlow. Team Sophie all had their heads bowed, getting ready in record quick time. Clearly, this day had the potential of being one of the most awkward any of us had ever experienced. But we certainly were gonna try and change that.
If not for us, for Harlow.
(Josh)
"I don't see anyone from our team."
Heather was practically standing on her chair, peering around the now jam-packed auditorium. There were no seats left, and there were nearly a hundred people standing against the walls around us. I'd never seen the place so packed - it was insane.
Across the room, the U of Denver team were all standing in a little circle, huddled close to an older man who I assumed was their Coach. They were looking warily at the packed bleachers, all their faces equally snow white. Poor girls, I'd be shakin' in my Adidas too if I were about to play a team backed by more than a thousand people. Unlike the NYU girls, these ones were all relatively tiny, the tallest maybe standing at 5'5. Harlow'd gone from squaring off against water buffalos to tweaky little squirrels.
In the row beside me, Heather, Katrina, Ryan, Sergey and Eilfie were all seated on the edge of their chairs as well. There was slight murmuring going on around us, a few cheers here and there. But everyone, like us, was waiting for the team to show.
"You don't think they all bailed, do you?" Katrina said with concern, glancing over at Heather.
Tad shook her head. "No, couldn't have - see, look! There they are!"
To an enormous eruption of cheering, ten girls walked out single file from the deep blue locker room doors. Number eight and thirteen were jumping around cheerfully, a small Asian girl and a slightly taller Spanish one. Four or five of the other girls looked nearly as happy as the first two, but there were still a handful who were looking peevish and miserable. Tiny little '17' looked completely horrified.
"Where's Harlow?" Heather said, looking frantically through the lineup.
She was right - Harlow was nowhere to be seen. Nor was her best friend - or perhaps old best friend? - Sophie, the statuesque blonde girl with the hard face.
"She'll be here," Ryan said calmly, but his face was stony with suppressed worry. "She's gotta be here."
(Harlow)
"We've got to talk."
Sophie peered up at me, those rarely friendly ice blue eyes even less inviting. She straightened up, which considering we were within an inch of two of each other, wasn't all that intimidating. The look on her face, however, was quite terrifying.
"Now?" she said, voice cold as ice. "We're on in a minute."
"I'm aware," I said, trying desperately to rid myself of that distinctly terrified pitch. "Ahem - sorry. We've got to talk, quickly."
"Make it quick," she said, without looking at me.
Alright, Harlow. Let's do this. Stand your ground, remember what Kimmy said - there's nothing to be afraid of. Unless she pulls a knife. Thankfully, I could run faster then her, so that didn't pose such a huge problem anyways.
"I'm going to bench Mickenzie, Ainslee, Ashlee and Natalie," I said, my voice remarkably calm despite the storm of horror erupting in my gut - it didn't even feel like it was my voice.
She looked at me, expression stony. "Why?"
"They missed practice. They bailed out, it's not fair to the rest of the girls who worked their asses off yesterday."
"Isn't it against the rules to bench someone an entire game?" Sophie said coldly.
I shook my head. "You know it's not, Sophie."
"You gonna bench me too?" she said, voice an attempt at calm but it posed a very icy challenge.
I looked at her, but for once in my life, I wasn't scared.
I didn't know what'd come over me. Even back when Sophie and I were friends, I was always a little bit terrified of her. I know, I know - not the best combination for a pair of best friends. A meek little fearful mouse and an overbearingly aggressive lion. But it had always worked. Right now, however? I felt like how I imagined she did - strong. Brave. Bigger then I actually was. Kimmy had been right - I had to stand my ground.
There was a change in me, I could feel it taking over. I wasn't scared anymore. I was charged, like there were a million volts of electricity running through my veins. I felt untouchable. Ruthless. Unbeatable. There was no more fear, only a hard shock of bravery.
"Not for the entire game, I don't think," I said coolly, in a voice entirely unlike my own. "If I need to rotate anyone, you'll be the first one in."
"How kind of you," she said snidely.
But again, I didn't feel the usual pang of guilt. Or fear. I felt stronger, if anything, then I ever had. My mind was racing, heart pounding. Blood was boiling. She wasn't taking advantage of me, oh no - not this time.
"I know," I said, looking her as sternly as I could in the eye. "But just so you know, regardless of whether or not you're a co-Captain - you don't miss practice. And if you're going to, you call. I won't have the rest of this team fucked over just because of a stupid grudge you and the other half of the team are holding against me, alright?"
She stared at me, clearly a little lost for words. And after that little rant, so was I.
We looked at each other, very curiously. There wasn't anger anymore. There was just ... sincere puzzlement. I'd never stood up to Sophie. And she'd never backed down. But Wednesdays, it seemed, were a day to switch things up. Today, I would be strong. I would stand my ground. I wouldn't be afraid.
Now Sophie was the meek one. I was the strong. She would listen to me, not me to her. A little part in the back of my brain was screaming at me - what are you doing? Let it go, Harlow, just back off! But this new me, this strange new wave of strength that had taken over my entire body - it wouldn't. There would be no backing down. Not today. Not ever.
The curiosity evaporated from Soph's face as quickly as it'd come on, and was replaced with the usual scowl of disgusted fury. There we go, there was the old Sophie. But the old Harlow? She wasn't coming through. Not right now. Not today. I would stand my ground. I would.
"Noted," she said simply, turning on her heel and marching out of the locker room.
I took a deep breath, waited to hear the click of the door, and followed her out onto the court.
Stepping through the door into the bright and gleaming lights of the auditorium, I was greeted with such thunderous applause, I was sure I'd go deaf by the end of the match. I smiled, but beelined as quick as I could over to the rest of my team. They all watched me, half with looks of set determination, the other with looks of the utmost loathing. But I didn't care.
So this is what growing a pair felt like.
"Ready to go?" I asked, running a hand through my hair.
"Never been more ready!" Kimmy said merrily.
"Let's kick some Colorado assssss," Lindsey cheered.
I grabbed the clipboard nestled under my arm, and flipped to the back page. "Kimmy and Jenn, you're liberos. Jenn take place one, Kimmy you're second. Jess, you're first spiker, Lindsey I want you in the back for setting. Em, you're middle blocking and Meagan, I want you serving."
"She's not even a server," Mickenzie said furiously, shooting me a look of the utmost loathing.
I returned the look as cheerfully as I could. "But she did show up for practice."
"I was sick," Kenzie said, glaring at me.
"Phone next time," I said simply. "Rest of you, on the bench. And it's the same thing - call if you're missing practice, alright? You're benched for the rest of the game unless I need you."
"You can't actually do that," Ainslee snapped, an even angrier look then Mickenzie's set on her pale face.
Something bubbled inside me, something terrible, something that relished in the power I had over these girls. I smiled, as big and cheerfully as I possibly could - I didn't mean to, I just ... did.
"Oh yeah? Watch me."
"Sophie?" Ashlee said, turning her gaze to Soph. "Tell her - "
"She's your Captain," Sophie said simply, without a second look at me. "You heard her, there's nothing I can do. Park it, girls."
With the exception of Natalie, who always seemed to look vacant, the rest of the girls looked mutinously back at me as they made their way to the bench. Sophie glanced at me, nodded slightly, and went to take her spot on the bench as well. The other girls, all attempting to hide brilliant smiles, ran out onto the court, with the exception of Kimmy.
She grinned, gave me a little wink and said so softly I had to lean in close -
"I'm proud of you."
I nodded, and in spite of the happiness flooding through my body, I felt rather grim.
"Just get out there, Kimmy. Libero your balls off, I don't want to substitute today."
"Balls libero'd off, got it Captain."
(Eilfie)
The end of the third quarter.
University of Denver? 2.
Penn State? 17.
I don't want to sound cocky or anything, but - come on. We got this.
For the majority of the game, amidst thunderous applause and raucous cheering, the same six girls had stayed on the court. I assumed the handful of them were Team Harlow. The five seated on the bench - four with rather mutinously angry scowls set on their faces - were Team Sophie. Next to the four glum lookin' girls, on the very edge of the bench, sat who I recognized as Sophie. She didn't look nearly as furious as the rest of the ladies - but she didn't look happy, either.
Although from what I could tell, she rarely ever did.
Every now and then, I'd glance down our row and notice Ryan staring angrily at the thin blonde, seemingly without reason. He'd catch himself, turn away and focus more on the game, but I'd caught him at least three or four times glowering in her general direction. I understood, though - that was Harlow's old best friend. The one who'd turned on her the second she found out the truth about Lo.
Unlike the other girls, Harlow was standing a good ten feet away from the bench, watching with avid interest but an impressive calm as her team manhandled the other team. Frankly, the U of Denver just wasn't up to snuff. At this rate, the game would be over in another couple of minutes, and we hadn't even made it into the last quarter.
"What's she doing?" I heard Sergey mutter from a couple of seats over.
I turned my attention back to the game, and I saw Harlow motioning for a 'Time Out'. The referee blew his whistle and waved her on. She jogged quickly over to the girl in the back, right hand corner, placed a hand on her back. The tiny dark skinned girl looked fine to me, but she was speaking in hushed whispers to Harlow. If anything, she looked more frustrated then hurt.
Harlow was listening intently to her, and the rest of the girls on the court were looking curiously over at the pair of them. Finally, Harlow nodded to the bench and the short black girl shuffled off the court. I saw Harlow exchange a rather dark look with the tiny Asian girl in the front row of the court, as she turned on her heel and headed towards the bench.
Towards Sophie.
"This could be bad," I heard Katrina say quietly, amidst the continuous cheering and yelling of the crowd.
"Could be?" Ryan muttered. "Will be."
(Mickenzie)
"Sophie, I need you serving."
Harlow stopped a few feet in front of Soph, who remained seated. There was a strange glint in Sophie's eyes, a rather malevolent one, if I wasn't mistaken. I felt my heart swell - if there was anyone who could stand up to Harlow, anyone who wouldn't be deterred by her weird, freakish little self - it was Sophie.
Sophie sniffed and peered up from the bench, leg crossed lazily over the other. "I'm not a server. I'm a libero. Not a server."
Harlow remained quite calm, unusual for her - normally she was as anxious as a little mouse.
"I'm aware of that," she said, the slightest trace of the most un-Harlowlike irritation in her voice. "But we're not all playing our positions today. Meagan's shoulder's acting up, I need you in to serve."
Sophie stared at Harlow, looked lazily over at the rest of us. "Natalie and Mickenzie are the servers. Get one of them."
Harlow blinked, but I was surprised - and a little pissed, truth be told - that she didn't look nervous, like she normally would. She looked fully irritated, now - an uncharacteristic frown on her normally relaxed face.
"Just do me a favor, alright?" Harlow said snappishly. "You wanted to play, here's your chance, go serve."
"Get Kimmy to," Sophie said, now standing up off the bench and sizing Lo up. "She'll serve. I'll go in as libero."
"I'm not rotating anyone," Harlow said, folding her arms across her chest. "They're all doing perfect in the positions they're in now. You wanted to play, didn't you? Then get your ass out there and serve. You don't want to, fine. I'll go."
"Why would you waste your time when you have two perfectly capable servers on the bench right now?" Sophie snapped.
"None of those four are playing, not this game anyways," Harlow said furiously. "That was my final decision, and I'm sticking to it."
"It was an idiotic decision," Ashlee muttered from beside me.
Harlow turned her eyes onto Ash, an unnatural flame of fury erupting behind them. "Say that again, Ash, and you're out for the rest of the tournament."
"Oh yeah? I don't see how that's such a threat, it's not like - "
"Pipe the fuck down, Ashlee," Sophie snapped, without taking her eyes off of Harlow. "And mind your own business."
"Harlow?"
Kimmy, Lindsey and Jenn had wandered over from the court, and were now standing a few feet behind Harlow. Neither Lo or Sophie seemed to notice, they were far too busy shooting daggers at one another.
"Harlow," Kimmy said again, looking between the two in confusion. "The ref's blowing his whistle, time out's almost done."
"What's it going to be, then?" Harlow said quietly, looking severely at Soph. "You want to play, or you want to stay on the bench?"
(Ryan)
"I don't know what's going on."
Heather was looking curiously down at the bleachers across the row from us. Harlow and Sophie were barely six inches apart - Lo's hands were crossed casually across her chest, Sophie's balled in tight fists at her side. Sophie, it seemed, was talking in a low but clearly angry voice at Harlow, who had an uncharacteristically grim look on her otherwise beautiful face.
"The ref's been motioning to them for almost a minute now," Katrina said worriedly, looking over at the tiny little man in black and white. "I wonder what's wrong."
But her question was answered barely a second later.
From out of nowhere, Sophie's fists unclenched and she gave Harlow a hard shove in the chest. Harlow faltered, taking a step back and steadying herself. In an instant, the four girls on the bleachers were up and behind Sophie, who was still furious but now yelling at Lo. The girls on the court all ran over to Harlow, standing behind her and glaring furiously at the crowd of people behind Sophie.
Harlow's face was relatively blank - she didn't look hurt, and I doubt she was. A little shove like that might've hurt a toddler, but Harlow was a full grown woman. I wasn't worried about the physical damage, though - I was more concerned with the emotional.
Apparently, so was Kimmy, the small girl to Harlow's left. She was looking with sincere shock at Harlow, who was still looking in an almost bemused way at Sophie. The gym was too loud to hear anything decent, but I did pick up on the last line from Sophie's mouth -
" - Captain, aren't you?"
Harlow seemed to ponder whatever it was that she said, but her face was still oddly vacant. Instead of screaming and yelling back, she looked thoughtfully at Sophie's ruby red face and simply shook her head.
"Get out, then."
No one on the floor moved for a moment, all seemingly in shock at the three simple words from Harlow's mouth. But a second later, Sophie took a step back, walked towards the bench, grabbed her backpack, and stormed out of the auditorium. Following in her lead, the tall black girl and shorter, slightly orange one stormed from the gym as well. The only two who remained - a tall redhead and a frail lookin' white blonde, who I recognized as Ainslee. They both exchanged terrified glances and booked it from the gym. The blondes nose held high, the redhead following vaguely behind her.
Across the court, the ref had seemed to forget about the time out - he was talking in a low whisper to the Captain of the Denver team. The only people in the room that looked more grim then Harlow and the rest of her girls, were the team from Denver.
Harlow seemed to notice the referee and captain chatting, and made a break from the group of girls surrounding her. It was hard to get a good glimpse of her face, but I had my doubts that she was smiling. The remaining six girls were standing huddled in a circle close to us, all peering over at Lo. She came to a stop near the referee, and he and the other captain began talking to her in low whispers.
"Did you see what Sophie did?" Heather said quietly, eyes round with worry. "Out of nowhere .. "
"I wonder what they were talking about," Katrina whispered, with an identical look of terror.
"That was bad," Josh said softly under his breath.
I couldn't think of anything to say - I was a bit in shock myself. Things between Harlow and Sophie had been strained for weeks now, but as far as I knew, it'd never escalated to anything physical. But between the look on Sophie's face - the disgust and fury - and the look on Harlow's - grim satisfaction mixed with severe irritation - I was surprised all that happened was a little shove. I'm pretty sure it wasn't just me who thought it was about to get a lot heavier.
"She's done with the ref," Eilfie said softly.
She was right.
The referee was now muttering quietly to the two admins seated behind the tech booth. Harlow was on her way back to her side of the auditorium, face strangely blank. It wasn't an unhappy look, but it was nowhere near her usual cheerful calm.
"Ladies and gentlemen," a booming voice said, and I looked with surprise down at the little tech booth.
A tiny man, probably no taller then any of the girls down on the court, was standing behind the stand, microphone clutched in his little hand. The gym fell silent, all eyes on the small man - with the exception of Harlow, who was heading back to the bench.
"After much deliberation," he continued, voice slow and drawling. "The University of Denver team had decided to forfeit the match, with a score of - "
Whatever he said after forfeit was completely drowned out in the boisterous screams and cheers erupting from all around us. People were standing up, left and right, behind us and in front of us, jumping and cheering and hugging each other - they'd done it. Seventh consecutive game in a row, they'd demolished their opponents.
Then why, exactly, did Harlow look so upset?
(Harlow)
"Well, we won. Congratulations?" Kimmy sighed.
There was a dull murmuring of 'yeah right's and 'gee thanks' from the remaining few girls, but I couldn't even find it in my heart to join in. My brain was off, clunking along at a snail's pace. I was distracted, bothered. A little afraid. But not of the game or of Sophie or the other girls.
I was afraid of myself.
I couldn't move. I'd been standing in the same spot for a good three minutes now. The Penn Staters were slowly filing out of the auditorium, and the rest of the team was getting their shit together. But I couldn't join in. I wanted to run out with the rest of the crowd. I wanted to join in the conversation with the rest of the team. But I couldn't.
I was scared to even open my mouth.
"Harlow," Lindsey said, giving a sly little nod behind me. "Boytoy and Co are comin' over."
But even that was barely enough to bring me out of my stupor.
"Good game! Good game! You girls are beasts," I heard Heather cheer from somewhere to my right.
"Demolished them! Obliterated!" Katrina said happily.
Jenn sighed, throwing her bag over her shoulder. "Would've killed them if they hadn't taken the coward's way out."
"Forfeitted," Meagan sniffed. "Disgusting."
"But that's good, isn't it?" Heather asked, puzzled. "You guys won!"
"Rule number one in all sporting events," Kimmy explained gently. "You never forfeit. It's better to lose by a million points then to tuck your tail between your legs and bail."
"It's cowardly," Jess added softly. "You play through to the very end, it's impolite to surrender."
"Oooh," Heather said quietly. "Well .. in that case, those asshats!"
It raised an appreciative laugh from the rest of the team, and the girls went on nattering and talking to Heather, Katrina and Eilfie. Josh and Sergey, I assumed, were huddled in a slightly awkward group a couple of feet away. And Ryan -
"It was a good game, Lo."
Was right beside me.
It took an unusual amount of energy to turn my head towards him, and feign a weak smile.
"Thanks bud," I said softly, wincing at the raspy edge to my voice.
Ryan seemed to catch it, but was that really such a surprise? He noticed everything, whether I wanted him to or not. He frowned, faint crease between his brows and dark light behind his eyes. He opened his mouth to speak, but -
"You going to come out for pizza with us, Lo?"
I turned to Lindsey and the rest of the girls, but shook my head.
"Not too hungry," I said, politely as I could. "Tired, more then anything. Feels like my arms are going to fall off, and I didn't even play - I'm just going to go home and hit the sack, I think."
"Fair enough," Kimmy said, before any of the other girls could protest - ah, my sweet Kimmy. "Exciting day, it's understandable. Go sleep our sweet Captain, we will eat double the amount of pizza in your honor."
"Fuck no we won't, how're we supposed to run her fifty million laps with pizza guts?" Jenn said indignantly.
Emma rolled her eyes, turning to the the rest of Ryan's team. "You guys down for some pizza?"
"I've never turned down pizza before," Heather said matter-of-factly. "And I don't ever plan on doing so."
"I like how you roll," Meagan said appreciatively, turning to Kat and Elf. "Katrina and Eilfie, right? You ladies down for some 'za?"
"My God, Meg, don't ever say 'za' again," Kimmy said, slapping a hand on her forehead. "Do you know how horrifically lame that is? I'm going to make fun of you for the rest of your life for that one."
"Ignore her," Lindsey said chipperly, giving Kimmy a joyous little assbump onto the court. "You're both down, right?"
Eilfie smiled and nodded, Katrina gave two thumbs up.
"We apologize in advance for Heather's monstrous appetite," Kat said apologetically.
"We only hang out with her to look better by comparison," Elf agreed.
"Sergey, right? And Josh?" Kimmy said, giving a small wave to the awkward lookin' pair. "You men down for a dirty, saucy, doughy date with nine hot chicks?"
Josh laughed, but I'm pretty sure it was more at the fact that Serge now closely resembled some sort of over-ripened tomato.
"Course we are," Josh said, thumping Sergey on the back merrily. "Can't think of anything we'd like more."
"Ah Bog ah Bog," I heard Sergey mumble.
Lindsey turned to where Ryan and I stood, wiggling her eyebrows mischievously at the two of us. "How about you, Mr. Buell? You down for some eight thousand calorie slices of pizza?"
Ryan grinned, and although no one else seemed to be able to tell, I could see right through it - his eyes were bright but set deep with worry.
"I think I'll have to pass tonight, ladies," he said, that silky voice so perfect I swear I saw Jess and Meg swoon. "I'm going to drive Harlow home and get some sleep myself."
"Perfect Southern gentlemen," Kimmy said, batting her eyelashes jokingly. "Well that's alright, we've abducted the rest of your team and we're never giving them back. You can have Harley."
I forced a grin, one not nearly as passable as Ryan's, but it seemed to work nearly as well. "Jerk. Have fun tonight."
"You guys as well," Lindsey said, with a little wink. "Sleeping. Have fun sleeping."
"I'll call you tomorrow," Kimmy said cheerfully.
And with a few final waves, the rest of mine and Ryan's teams disappeared out the auditorium doors.
The gym was empty now, except for a few Denver team members still trickling in and out of the locker room doors. On our side of the court, there was no one left but myself and Ryan in the oddly silent, suddenly chilly room. I could feel his gaze on me, feel the intensity of his stare, but I refused to look. I was still struggling to get a hold of myself.
"What's up, Harlow?" he asked softly.
I shook my head. "Nothing."
"You're a terrible liar," he sighed, placing one of his large, warm hands on my waist and steering me towards the bleachers. "What's wrong? Was it Sophie?"
As we grabbed a seat on the bleachers, I took a shaky breath and leaned back against the rock solid benches behind me. I nodded.
"What happened? I saw you guys arguing on the court ... and, well. I saw her shove you."
I nodded again. "Meagan hurt her shoulder. I needed to rotate someone on for her, and I asked Sophie to."
"She didn't want to?"
I shrugged. "I guess not. She told me to switch Kimmy to serving and her to Kimmy's spot. I said no."
"You're the Captain," he said simply. "You make the decisions, not Sophie."
I sighed. "I suppose. But she refused to serve, and I refused to move Kimmy or let one of the other girls on the court."
Ryan nodded, but looked thoughtfully out on the court. "It seems silly that she'd push you over something so minor."
I pulled my knees up to my chest, rested my chin on my bony knee cap.
"I ended up giving her an ultimatum. Serve and stay or leave and get kicked off the team."
Ryan blinked. "And she chose?"
"To leave," I said simply. "But not before telling me how I was the biggest piece of shit she'd ever met, and how I could rot for all she cared. And she said she thought I was her best friend, and best friend's don't treat people like this."
I blinked, but the rush of tears I thought were coming didn't seem to be at the spilling point.
"So I said 'like what? They don't isolate the other person, they don't make them choose, they don't turn their back on them?' And then, she - well, you saw."
Ryan nodded. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be," I said tersely. "It's .. it was bound to happen."
"I can't imagine how angry you are," Ryan said calmly, resting a hand on my back. "I'm .. I'd be furious."
"I wanted to kill her."
He nodded, gave my back a rub. "I don't blame you, Harlow."
"No - Ryan. Ryan. I wanted to kill her."
He looked at me, but I could tell he didn't get it. He didn't fucking understand it. I wanted to kill her. Not right now, not anymore, but ... before.
This was what was terrifying me.
She'd shoved me. Things had never escalated to violence between us, never. Mainly because Sophie had always loved me too much to physically hurt me, and because I wasn't a violent person. I grew up in a household built on fear, threats and anger. I knew by the time I was two I didn't believe in violence. I swore when I was little, after seeing my own mother beat the daylights out of my only sister, that I would never intentionally hurt someone. I would never bring harm to anyone if I could help it. I would never stoop to her level. But today, barely fifteen minutes ago - I almost had. I'd almost broken my oath.
She'd pushed me, and something had gone off in my head. It was the same something that'd taken over the entire game. The same fury that had taken control of my body, my voice, my brain. And for a second, for one tiny moment, it had almost won.
The part of me that I knew, the part that up until two hours ago, was me - it begged me to stop, to stay away from her. Leave her alone, it said. She'll regret it, don't hurt her. But the other part, the part that had been in control - it was reeling with fury. It wanted to take her. It wanted to hurt her.
I wanted to hurt her. Me. I can't blame it - it is me.
Ryan pulled me close, rested his chin on the top of my head.
"That's natural Lo," he said soothingly. "That's natural. She was your best friend and she completely turned on you. That's ... I would've wanted to kill her, too."
He didn't understand.
He didn't.
I didn't want to kill her as in shove her back. I didn't want to punch her or kick her or yell at her.
I wanted her dead.
I wanted to grab her throat with my bare hands and squeeze.
I wanted to feel the life ebb away beneath my palms.
I wanted to feel that last breath, know that it had been my fingers that had stopped it.
I wanted her to suffer, the way I had suffered.
I wanted to kill her.
Not anymore, not now. But before. I hadn't been myself. I had been somewhere else, something else.
Something - somewhere -
dark.
Author's Note:
AND, IT, BEEE, GINS.
And starting next chapter, the story will get darker and darker until progressively, it's a ball if angsty terrifying shit. Just prepare your beautiful selves, alright? Now! I must say my thank-yous and keep tap tappin' away at the next chapter!
chicajenny: thank you my lovely! wait until you see what dark hole i'm digging this story into ... but no spoilers! thank you for the review, much appreciated!
xoxoMyRealityIsFiction: murder me? oh noooo but i beg of you, it will still be sorta kinda happy? like, not for a while. but it will get happy at least one more time! ... maybe. BUT HARD LOLOLOL at you and your prison girlfriend Big Burtha, she sounds like a real catch and when the two of you get married, i'll write your vows and it will be so beautiful! as always, you've made me smile, giggle and flail with excitement. take care and thank you thank you thank you! ps, you should probably change your pen name to xoxoMyRealityIsBigBurtha. just so I can die of laughter.
nouseforaname89: you know what else is wonderful as always? YOU. although that should come as no surprise, because you're wicked and lovely and i adore you more than you shall ever know! thank you for the review :)
WinchesterAngel3389: oooh you smarty pants, you're on to something ... sort of. keep an eye on the dreams everyone's having, it shall allll make sense soon enough! you're also right about your little green eyed fear monster - it's got some very important significance! you're picking up on more hints then i even realized i put into the story, so stop being so smart because you're scaring me. but even though your intensely humungous brain scares me, you do not, and i love you like froggies like flies! YOU are the amazing one, don't everever change!
kcollins: trust me my fine feathered friend, you will like THIS and ME a lot lot lot less in the coming chapters ... but one thing will never ever change. my undying love for you. let's be one another's forever and always until 2012 when the world ends. but even after that.
PSUPRS: THAT WAS A MONSTROUS REVIEW. and every single line made me pee in pure joy. i'm legit sitting in a lake of psuprs induced happy pee, thanks a lot asshat. JUST KIDDING I LOVE YOU. i would never ever ever want to kill you with suspense or adorableness! if you die from either of the two, i will surely die from a broken heart, because my lovely irreplaceable Sora will no longer be by my side, making me smile and making my heart melt into a pile of mushy love! as always, your review was more exciting then any of my chapters could ever have been, and i thank you and send you the biggest sloppiest kiss in the entire world! xo
ferret assassin nin: FERRET MY LOVE, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? i was about to call the milk carton company and put your pen name in large letters across the side, I THOUGHT YOU'D BEEN ABDUCTED. but you're back, and my heart has exploded with happiness. don't ever leave me again, i can't bear life without my assassin nin. (L)
seven reviews, all of which made me explode with love and respect and all things sexy! you are honestly the best i could have ever asked for in my entire life. i hope you know that.
so! prepare yourselves, my loves. think of my little fic as a rollercoaser. we've been traveling up and up and up the track, and we are now at the absolute peak of happiness. from here on out, it is only downhill. fast, terrifying and unstoppable in it's darkness. but the good thing about rollercoasters - and you must all remember as you read on - is that they're really just a big circle anyways. one day - not soon, but perhaps once again - we will come back to the top of the ride.
and as long as you're all on board, we'll plow through this fic together. :) yours forever and ever;
love, ellah!