Gears of Comedy presents…

The Erotic Nightclub
by Stephanie G., aka MyFantasiWorld

Copyrights: Everything that is Gears of War belongs to Epic Games, People Can Fly, and The Coalition. Other material used here either belongs to me or other creators.

Rating: Rated M for language and mild adult themes.

A/N: This is an updated version of an the old 2009 story dedicated to Peggy Lee's song, "Why Don't You Do Right", also sung in the movie, Who Framed Roger Rabbit?, by Jessica Rabbit. You can say it's more like a tribute to the Disney movie, because she is wonderful and so is that movie! Anyway, hope you enjoy reading this, and please, R&R.

Summary: Marcus, Dom, Jace, and their other Gear friends take a break at a nightclub just to hang out and chill like any regular soldier would do on their downtime. They didn't realize, though, that they were expecting the nightclub turning into an erotic one. They also didn't expect a certain Lieutenant was going to show up there… performing for them!

Somewhere way in the back of the nightclub, Marcus, Dom and Jace sat in a small, round table, while Baird, Cole, Tai, Mataki, and Dizzy were grouped together further away.

Marcus had a reason for separating from most of friends. Because after dealing with Dom and Jace poking at him about Anya Stroud over and over again, he decided to sit close enough to the actual bar to get a convenient bottle to chug down and try to avoid a conversation with the two.

He thought if he drank enough beer, he would become numb and completely lose his hearing to easily ignore their banter. Unfortunately, it didn't help as much, so he supplied himself with shots of liquor instead just in case they were still going to continue pushing the limits for what seemed like the infinite time.

Dom slapped the Sergeant's back with a wide smile on, "So, Marcus, when are you two going to get together soon? I know you've been dying to ask her out, man!" He gave him a small wink, which Marcus grunted in displeasure and decided to take his eighth shot quickly.

"I never even knew you had the hots for her, Marcus," Jace joined in, surprised that his hard-tempered friend has had an interest in such a thing.

"Hell yeah, he does! In fact, I notice that even Anya keeps eyeing him at some times. He just doesn't like to talk about it, though, 'cause he tries to be as tough as a brick wall. Am I right, Marcus?" He then elbows Marcus lightly in the ribs.

The Sergeant just rolls his eyes away from him and calls the bartender to get him another bottle of liquor to down more shots of it.

Dom decides to continue, "Don't worry, man, I'm sure nobody else knows about you two. Besides, if she were to give out any hint of her feelings for you, she'd probably perform as an exotic singer just to tease you a bit right in front of everybody. Maybe even right here!" He points to a small, dirty stage located at the other end of the nightclub. It's curtains were closed, but from the looks of it the stage was probably never used for centuries.

Marcus then responded, "Oh great, you just revealed the climax of the story. Way to go, Dom." He raises his eleventh shot of liquor and gulps it down without showing any disgust for its acrid taste.

Dom looked at him with lifted eyebrows and asked, "Really?"

"No, of course not!" Marcus threw his head up in frustration, "Shit, how did you even come up with that kind of crap? You know she'll never do something like that. It's not like her! And besides, the whole stage has never been used for a long time, so I don't think they do that kind of stuff anymore."

Dom took a minute to think about until finally saying, "True… Must be the beer, then."

From the other side of the nightclub, the rest of the trio's friends were wearing bewildered expressions when they heard about the stage actually being used tonight after being shut down for centuries due to infestation. Baird, on the other hand, was the only one not surprised, because he was the one who had announced the news to them.

Then he went on to whisper among his group about the exotic singer who was going to be performing tonight. "And you know who it's going to be? The one and only, Anya Stroud! She's going to perform to us and tease some of the guys around here. Things are going to start getting hot!"

He leans back on his chair, smirking at the thought of his face being planted in between her breasts as an example of one of her teases. Since this story is able to make the impossible possible, a small thought-bubble of his daydreaming visibly floats over his head, making it able for the small group to see. All of them looked in disgust, and Mataki reacted by slapping him upside the head in order to make his small cloud vanish and bring him back into reality.

Tai crossed his arms and clarified, "You know you are not the one she seeks in expressing these arousing performances to, it is him." He jerks his thumb over his shoulder to point at the table where Marcus, Dom and Jace sat at.

Cole butted in, "He's right, baby! Marcus has got a thing for Miss Anya. Ain't that cute?"

"Pfft! Oh please!" the mechanic rolled his eyes, "Since when did you both come up with Asshole actually having feelings for her? In fact, does he have any feelings to begin with? Listen to what you're saying! He'll be lucky if he has a small chance of getting in between her legs. I know I will."

Dizzy then butted in while still keeping a smile on, "But you ain't got no respect for women, Kid, and I'm damn sure she ain't got no interest in you, either."

"Thank you, Dizzy," Mataki thanked him, hoping the statement would make the blonde dimwit realize something for once.

"You don't even know if that's true, Chuck Norris," Baird responded, "I'm damn sure that she'll come to me whenever she feels like it. She's just… a little shy, that's all."

Tai etched his eyebrows, "From what I'm hearing, your heart does not wield a true love like Marcus does. All you want is to make pleasure with her for your own satisfaction. That, my friend, is not what true love is meant to be."

Cole then raised up his finger to get the mechanic's attention, "There's a word for that, Blondie, and that's called 'lust'. Anya sure isn't the kind of girl I know who would go for that kind of stuff, Baby." Baird looks at them all in disbelief, feeling as though he's been ganged up on.

"Oh, so I'm the bad guy here now? I just can't have any fun while the world is being overtaken by creatures that are named after a freaking insect? For Pete's sake! We hold camps full of women who are forced to get pregnant in order to ensure the survival of the human race! And you're telling me that lust is the worst thing to be having in a time like this?! Agh! Unbe-fucking-lievable!"

"Alright, that's enough, you guys," Mataki slammed the table with her fist, making all of them jump in their chairs, "Blondie, I'll cut off your little friend down there if you don't shut your trap!" The mechanic winced at the thought and covers his fly with both hands. Cole was heard giggling at his reaction. "Besides, we should all be having a good time tonight. I'm sure Anya's just doing this to have a good time too, so don't get any funny ideas that she'll plan to sleep with any of the men here."

Baird nodded his head, "Yeah, you're right, Granny… She's gonna sleep with me." Just then Mataki punched him in the face.

Dizzy began, "Don't worry, Ladies, there's nothing wrong seeing sweet lil' Anya getting erotic. She does what she thinks is best to show her affection for her prince charming over there."

Baird got up from the floor, while rubbing the dark ring now forming on his left eye, "This again?! Look, Marcus doesn't have any damn interest in her whatsoever!"

"Ha, ha, ha! Boy, you are more blinder than a bat without glasses! Then, let's all get up closer to that stage so we can see who she'll come to." He gets up from his chair and waves a hand for him to follow.

Baird stood up quickly forgetting the pain on his eye, "I agree. Let's go." Mataki, Cole, and Tai decided to get up and follow behind them.

Back to where the trio sat, Dom asked, "Okay, Marcus, what if she happened to show up in this place as our exotic singer, what would you say?"

Before anyone was going to open their mouths to speak, the lights began to dim low all around them and a spotlight lit the main stage of the whole bar. Every COG soldier stopped their rants and bickering, and turned their attention to an appealing leg stick out from behind the large red curtains.

"You had plenty money in 19... 22," an appealing voice sang, obviously coming from the woman behind the curtains. Some began to whistle low and tug at their shirts, while some sat coolly like if they thought it wasn't going to satisfy them enough. As the woman appeared out from behind the curtains, though, everyone's jaw had dropped to the floor. "You let other women make a… fool of you…"

"Holy shit," was all that Marcus could say before his mouth gaped in surprise.

"Marcus!" Dom whispered with his eyes nailed on her, "Is that Anya?!" It was hard even for the Sergeant to stray his eyes away from the attractive blonde, so he just nodded.

Everyone was all the while howling and whistling loud at the sight of their lustful singer. She wore a short, red sequin dress that looked like it would purposely show off her bottom, and her breasts looked almost ready to pop out of the strapless cups. She also wore some red-glittering heal shoes, red eye shadow and very rosy lipstick. Her hair was even hanging loose and covering one of her eyes, making her look very sensual.

Shit, her beauty was so intimidating that Marcus had to swallow from his nearly-developed dryness from his throat.

"Why don't you do rigghhtt… like some other men doooo?" She walked attractively to the side of the stage and lied against the platform, sliding down smoothly to make even louder whistles and woos echo inside the bar. "Get out of here… get me some money toooo."

Baird and Cole were sitting together close to the stage and watched her while tugging at their collars.

The mechanic snickered, "Shit, now that's hot!"

Cole smiled wide and agreed, "You're telling me! Damn, Marcus is such a lucky guy to have her."

"What? This shit again?!" Baird gave him an angry glance, "I already told you, Marcus has no fucking interest in her at -" but he suddenly stops arguing as he noticed the spotlight fell on him… and on the blonde singer who was right in front of him. Baird pushed himself back into his chair and forced down a gulp.

"You're sittin' down and wonderin' what it's… all about," She slowly sat on his lap and grabbed his chin, softly pulling him close to her face almost about to touch lips with each other. "If you ain't got no money, they will… put you out." She then pushed him back on his chair with her other hand before he absent-mindedly tried to go in for a kiss, and continued her venture around the room. Cole had to laugh at his demeanor, but Baird turned around to face him and angrily told him to shut up.

"Why don't you do rigghhtt…" She next went up to Dizzy, who sat with Mataki and Tai in another table and circled around him, while running her hands over his shoulders.

Dizzy looks at her bewildered and starts to say, "I'm sorry, Ma'am, but I'm a married husband, and I'm just here to hang out with ma friends," but she completely ignores him, since it wasn't the best time to be acting out of character, and proceeds to tease him by hugging his neck with one arm and grabbing his straw hat to expose his uncontrollable hair.

"…like some other men doooo?" She then pushed his hat into his face and began to walk around the bar more while some people still sent out whistles and howls at her direction. "Get out of here… get me some money toooo." As she teased more men at their tables, Dom finally had the chance to turn to Marcus, who was still startled of seeing Anya in a place like this.

He knew that what he was looking at was not the innocent shy girl they've always known her to be, but rather the lustful and sexually attractive woman she's become. It's funny how they've never noticed that until tonight.

"Now if you had prepared 20... years ago. You wouldn't be a wanderin' now from… door to door. Why don't you do rigghhtt… like some other men doooo?" She was finally finished with teasing the guys up at the front and began to turn her attention to the trio at the back of the place, "Get out of here… get me some money toooo." Marcus stiffened up.

Taking some slow and sturdy steps towards the three startled soldiers, while the sound of her heels clicked-clacked against the wooden floors, Dom and Jace watched her head straight to the only person she came to perform for.

"Get out of here… get me some money toooo." She leaned on the other side of the table while keeping her eyes at the one target she was after, and Marcus was soon realizing how small he was breathing.

"Why don't you do rigghhtt…" She crawled onto the table and Marcus was close to losing his breathe.

"…like some other meeennn…" She grabbed hold of his COG-tag necklace and yanked him up from his chair to face his lips really close to hers.

He was so lost in his mind that he didn't notice his mouth was gaping open until she tapped his chin up to make his teeth clamp back together, before caressing his scarred cheek down to his chin. It was so quiet in the club that it was possible to hear some men moaning and whistling while she did this.

Then she finished her song with, "…doooooo?" She pulled back slowly from his approach, slid off the table with ease, and walked back up to the stage as the tune of the band finished up their play. She slipped behind the closing curtains, and everyone clapped their hands up to the storm and whistled at the wonderful performance their beauty had displayed for them.

Marcus didn't notice how long he was stuck in that same position, but he sat back down, finally having the will to breathe. Dom slapped him in the back as both he and Jace joined along with the clapping audience.

Dom then spoke loud enough for Marcus to hear over the crowd, "Told ya so." He laughed and kept clapping more towards the stage.

Marcus didn't answer, but gave a reassuring grunt that his best friend knew all too well, and looked down at his empty glass to reminisce on what just happened tonight.

As the lights lit back on to its natural shine, Baird on the other side of the room came storming up to them and slammed his hands on the table. "YOU BASTARD! SO IT IS TRUE!"

The Sergeant grumbled, "What's true?"

"WHAT'S TRUE? I'LL TELL YOU WHAT'S TRUE! SHE LIKES YOU! HELL, SHE LIKES YOU MORE THAN ME! WHAT THE FUCK IS ALL THAT SHIT ABOUT? WHAT COULD YOU POSSIBLY HAVE THAT ATTRACTS HER?!"

Mataki comes up to him with folded arms, "You really want go through this again, Blondie?"

"Hmm, I dunno, Baird," Jace smiled with sarcasm in his voice, "it could be the pretty scar on his right cheek, or the bandana that makes him look badass."

Dom added, "Or it could be his goatee." He pointed his thumb at the patch of hair on Marcus' chin.

"Hmm… The goatee." He brushed his small goatee with his fingers and quickly left the club to do something about it. Everyone watched as he left and looked at each other.

"I don't think he caught the sarcasm in there, did he?" Jace asked. They all shook their heads simultaneously.

Anya then appears out from the door to where it led her up to the stage, and starts waving at the familiar group of friends she's come to know. Dom and the rest of the group, instead of Marcus, waved at her in response, and then began to stare back at the Sergeant.

Marcus looks up to see them all gazing at him and lifts his eyebrow in question. "What?"

"Go on, boy, she's waiting for ya!" Dizzy clamped a hand on his shoulder. Everyone else agreed by encouraging him to go and talk to her. Marcus then sighs, knowing that he wasn't going to run away from this, and gets up walking towards her.

As he finally reached her, he calmly said, "Hey."

"Hi, Marcus," the Lieutenant placed a hand on her hip.

"Nice performance."

Dom smirked, "I guess we're not needed here anymore." As he and everyone else all turned to leave the bar, Marcus and Anya watched them and everyone else in the bar disappear out through the exit.

As the whole bar went silent and nobody was there to disturb the two, he swiftly turns to her and asks, "Is here good enough?"

She quickly nods and they both start making out hard.

While Marcus and Anya were about to have sex inside the bar, the rest of the Gears were outside standing and looking at Dizzy who was on the floor crying, because the rig that had brought everyone to the nightclub was gone. Baird had taken his rig.

"Oh no! Baird took my wife, Betty! WHY!"

"Don't worry," Mataki assured him, "I'm sure your wife inside the rig will beat the crap out of Baird and bring it back to you."

"What are you talking about? My wife is the rig!" He starts crying more and the group looks at each other in concern, but not because of the stolen rig.

Tai then goes up to him to pat him on the back and calmly said, "My friend... you need help."

A/N: Just another of those stories you wished you didn't waste your precious time on, huh? Haha! Well, for those who liked it, please leave a review, and, as always, expect more of my comedic works to be updated and posted!