Olivia flipped through the fifth yearbook that she'd discovered rummaging through her mother's old things. She hadn't stumbled upon them so innocently, in fact she'd been looking for some clues about who her mother actually was; her father's confused encounter with Fitz stuck with her, and she couldn't let it go. The only real indication that her mother had ever existed at all was in the boxes that Olivia desperately labored over. She wasn't finding much, and that frustrated her. She sat back on her heels, squeezing her eyes shut to try to remember the last time she'd talked to her mother, it hadn't really been all that long ago. Maya died when Olivia was twelve, and while her father maintained the household for two years following her death, he began to deteriorate at an accelerated rate around the time that Olivia turned fifteen.
When Olivia realized she couldn't remember their last conversation, she moved on to try to remember her voice. Olivia nearly crumpled into the boxes as she tried to force her memory into conjuring her mother's voice. A whisper, an octave, a surprised utterance, anything. Olivia found that she remembered nothing, she barely remembered her mother's beautiful face. It really hadn't been that long ago, and Olivia hated herself for not remembering, for not clinging onto those last pieces of her mother. Her death was abrupt, and slow at the same time. After she died, her father told her that she'd had an aggressive form of breast cancer that she hid from Olivia for most of her life.
As Olivia opened her eyes, she noticed the last of the yearbooks, buried at the bottom of the box, and flipped over, as if her mother had gone out of her way to make the book unnoticeable. Olivia carefully lifted the book from the box and opened it, noticing the same emblem that was engraved on the previous three yearbooks; it was from a school in Pennsylvania, where her mother had gone to high school. Olivia almost didn't want to open the book, but her curiosity and desperation to know more about her mother drove her to throw open the cover of the book. The inside jacket cover was laden with numerous hastened signatures, messages and doodles. Someone had drawn a dragon in the lower left hand corner with hearts for eyes. In the tiny foot of the doodled dragon, there were sloppy initials: SLB. Olivia's heart stopped for some unknown reason, as she tried to ignore the dragon. She flipped through the glossy pages of the yearbook, and noticed a slight opening, as if there was a bookmark in the middle of the book. Olivia flipped it open and bit her lip in surprise.
It's me.
It was, Olivia's unmistakable smile and big bright eyes were there, as baby Olivia was being cradled by a man she didn't recognize. Olivia carefully rubbed a finger on the edge of the picture as she pushed it aside, looking at the man whose senior picture featurette was entrapped in a pen-drawn heart. Olivia nearly held her breath as she flipped the picture over, but found the underside to be blank. She shook her head, trying to calm herself as she quickly stuffed the picture back in where she'd found it and threw the rest of the yearbooks back in the box.
Olivia pushed the yearbook to her chest and hurried down the ladder from the attic and pushing the collapsible ladder back up into its resting place. Olivia took the steps two at a time and phoned Fitz, knowing that he would answer on the first ring since he'd gotten his new cellphone. It was convenient for times when she needed to reach him, she realized.
As Olivia had hoped, Fitz answered nearly right away.
"Livvie."
Fitz greeted, his voice sounded like the offness that Olivia had begun to regard as normal; he was high. After his parents discovered that their precious Cecilia was "experimenting with her sexuality" as they called it, the blowback was all on Fitz. They blamed him for not alerting them of Cecelia's potentially dangerous behavior, and Fitz took to smoking more and more, Olivia almost didn't mind; she knew how much pressure he'd been under the past two weeks. They'd tried not to let the various chaos of their family lives affect the way they felt about each other. Olivia held on to Fitz while her father had gone crazy, searching for his car keys in Olivia's room, nearly tearing it apart before Olivia's pleading reminders that he didn't drive finally reached him. Olivia had seriously considered Fitz's words as she told him what her father had done.
"Livvie, you can't help him. You need to take him to someone who can."
Olivia didn't want to consider her life without her father, even though he had been okay earlier that day when Michelle arrived, he would only get worse. Olivia had to remind herself of that the previous Monday, when he'd woken up early and made her breakfast, her favorite breakfast of French toast with strawberry compote. It wasn't until Olivia had finished her breakfast and told her father thanks that he commented about her never calling him Daddy before, and how much he liked it. Olivia realized he'd thought Olivia was Maya the whole time.
"Fitz, are you too stoned to come and get me?" Olivia asked, looking around her as she said the words carefully into the receiver.
"Never, Livvie. I'm not too far away. Are you ready now?"
"Yes, the sooner the better. Can I spend the night?"
"Maybe. My parents are back from Kenya tonight. I told you my mom took a leave from her job and she's planning to be home most of the time now, my Dad's still traveling for his job, but it's mostly smooching. My mom should be knocked out by ten. I'm sure it's okay. Are you asking Michelle to stay the night?"
Olivia didn't like to make a habit of staying with Fitz overnight, and while the three nights they'd spent in the same bed were comforting and a breath of fresh air, she didn't want to move too fast. Their kisses were more than enough for her, for now. She could hardly imagine sex with Fitz when his kisses nearly made her burst.
"No. My Dad will be okay. I'm going to leave Michelle a note."
"Okay. Well, I'll be there in five."
"Fitz! Get off the phone when you're driving." Fitz chuckled at Olivia's chiding.
"Get ready, I'm coming," Fitz told her, then hung up.
Olivia placed the phone back on the receiver, and hastily scribbled a note to Michelle, and left it by her paycheck that she'd had to write earlier that morning. She'd been managing all of their bills since before her father got sick, he was horrible at managing money, but Olivia found it easier than she should have. Her father's pension combined with her mother's life insurance kept them afloat, and Olivia's partial scholarship helped with her school. Olivia hated to think what would happen when they ran out of money. She shook the idea out of her head and climbed the stairs, heading straight into her room and stuffing a clean uniform skirt, sweater and knee highs into her backpack. She pushed the yearbook in too and searched for a pair of clean underwear as she heard the doorbell ring.
She loved that Fitz always rushed over to get her. Olivia gave her room the once over, hoping she hadn't forgotten anything as she closed the door and jogged down the stairs. She opened the door and took in Fitz, who was smiling dreamily at her. Olivia disliked that he was high, but she threw her arms around his neck anyway, pulling him down onto her lips for a kiss. He responded, his tongue swiping over her bottom lip as he wrapped his arms around her waist. Their kisses were slow and lazy. She took her time kissing him, wanting to feel his arms around her, and his body pressed against hers for as long as possible. But, all too soon he broke away from her, and kissed her on her forehead, then on her right eyelid as her eyes fluttered open.
"This is… good." Olivia commented, smiling shyly up at Fitz.
Fitz returned her adoring smile. "It is good. It's the best."
Her grin grew as she buried her face in Fitz's chest.
"Where's your Dad?" Fitz asked after a beat passed.
"He's at the bookstore with Michelle. She left a message on the machine saying that he was reading in a corner and she didn't want to bring him home just yet. I left the note. We should go before he gets back."
Fitz pulled her away from his chest and studied her for a moment, before taking her hand and guiding her toward his car.
Olivia got into the passenger side as Fitz closed the door and walked over to the driver's side. Olivia held her backpack in her lap, trying to shake the feeling of apprehension she felt about discovering who SLB was. She didn't want to delve too deep into her mother's past, and possibly ruin the idea she had of her, but Olivia couldn't help it. She wanted Fitz to tell her what he thought, she wanted him to tell her she wasn't crazy for wondering.
Fitz started on the familiar ten minute car ride toward his house.
"I guess I made you soft," Olivia joked, leaning her head on the headrest and looking toward him.
Fitz smirked, keeping his eyes on the road. "How do you figure?"
"You haven't driven your motorcycle in almost a month." Olivia reported. Fitz laughed at her observation.
"Well I have precious cargo, don't I?" Fitz responded, turning a corner. Olivia squinted at him in disbelief.
"You sure that's the reason? If it is, don't let me stop you from doing something you like, I'll learn to ride on the back of a motorcycle." Fitz chuckled as he rolled his window down and punched in the gate code.
"I bet you will. But that's not the point. I'm okay driving my car. My motorcycle was more of an image thing." Fitz admitted, unbuckling his seatbelt once they'd pulled into the circular driveway. Olivia raised her eyebrow in surprise.
"Fitzgerald Grant, do you mean to tell me that you are a fake bad boy?"
Fitz smiled, almost nostalgically. "No… the tattoos are real, aren't they?" Olivia rolled her eyes as Fitz left the car.
"Coming?" Fitz asked, holding open her door.
Fitz's bed was comfortable, and lately it was the only place Olivia looked forward to going. She could barely stand school, as Quinn had started to avoid talking to her one on one, and she was the number one topic of gossip since the word had got out about her and Fitz. Olivia hated to be talked about, and while it wasn't exactly affecting her performance in school, it had certainly distracted her. Olivia laid on her side, spooning with Fitz, the door to his bedroom firmly locked. His parents had never actually walked in on them, and even if they had they might have witnessed Olivia beating Fitz at a game of Crazy Eight's or their nightly homework sessions, when Olivia buried herself in her work across the room from Fitz.
Olivia had never felt so comfortable, and she felt no need to rush the more intimate details of their relationship, Olivia felt confident that they'd get there, naturally.
Fitz kissed Olivia's neck, alerting her that he was still awake.
"Fitz?" Olivia asked a moment later, playing with one of his long fingers that held her waist.
"Livvie?" Fitz answered, ready for the conversation that she wanted to have.
"Remember when my Dad hit you?"
"How could I possibly forget that?" Fitz replied dryly. Liv swatted his hand playfully.
"He thought you were someone that my Mom was cheating with. And since then, I haven't been able to get that out of my mind."
Fitz paused a moment before turning Olivia over in his arms, he met her eyes.
"Olivia, this is… something you might not want to pursue."
"Why not? It's my business if my mom was a cheater. I have a right to know!"
Fitz gripped Olivia by her arms, she'd sat up in a defensive position.
"Livvie, your father is sick, he is in and out all the time, isn't that what you told me? You said he doesn't even recognize you sometimes. Maybe he was confused. Or, maybe he was just paranoid when your Mom was alive. None of that proves that he knew for a fact that your Mom was a cheater. You can't take his word for it."
Olivia shook her head in frustration and leaned over the side of Fitz's bed, retrieving her bookbag.
"Here, look at this," Olivia challenged, shoving the yearbook at Fitz. Fitz sat up fully and took the book, Olivia had opened it to the cover page, and pointed to the dragon.
"Look!" Olivia commanded, urging Fitz to study the doodling.
Fitz examined the drawing closely, and dropped the yearbook a moment later. "Okay, so who is 'SLB'? You think he's your Mom's secret lover?"
Olivia stared at him warningly. "Maybe. I'll appreciate it if you drop the sarcasm."
Fitz held up his hands defensively. "Okay, so all you have to go on is a doodle of a dragon?"
Olivia shot Fitz another glare and flipped to the picture of her and the man. "And this picture,"
Fitz picked up the almost perfectly preserved photo. He grinned at the photo then at Olivia.
"You were adorable," Olivia rolled her eyes.
"Look at the man who's holding me, okay? That's the point of the picture."
"You think he's 'SLB'?" Fitz inquired, studying the man closely, then looking back at the page that the picture had been on.
"I don't know. Probably. I guess that's the safest bet."
"It's a really safe bet, look." Fitz eagerly replied, pointing to the senior portrait of Samuel Lorenz Berkley.
"SLB." Olivia said aloud. "I'm so stupid,"
Fitz closed the book.
"How are you stupid? You just connected a dot, now you just have to find out who he is to your Mom."
"I saw that my Mom had drawn a heart around his picture, I didn't even read who he was. I'm not even focusing lately."
"Livvie, calm down. You're not stupid, you're distracted. It's not hard to see why." Olivia felt tears forming.
"Fitz, what if… what if my Mom was really a cheater? What if she cheated with this guy the whole time I knew her?"
Fitz watched Olivia crumple into herself, her wall shaking, she was vulnerable and Fitz knew how hard that was for her. She was letting him in, Fitz pulled Olivia into his chest and stroked her hair that was pulled up into a bun; she pulled away from his chest and peered up at him through tear filled eyes.
"You can't judge your Mom on what she drew in her high school yearbook. How old was she when she met your father?"
Olivia shrugged; her father had 'cleansed' the house of all but one picture of her mother, and she hadn't seen their wedding photos since he'd done so.
"Maybe… twenty five? Twenty six? I don't know, I never asked my Dad."
"Well, let's say she met him when she was twenty five, she was eighteen when she was with this guy, and there's not a good chance that they were even in contact let alone together when she met your Dad."
Olivia knew that Fitz was trying to make her feel better, but she couldn't help but think about their relationship. How in love had her mother been with Samuel? Had she thought there was a possibility that they were going to end up together?
"But he was holding me, Fitz. They were definitely in contact when I was a baby. There's no way that she just showed up on his doorstep and introduced him to her baby with another man. There's more to this that we're just not seeing."
"And you expect to find it? How?"
"I don't know, Fitz. But I need just a little bit of support, here. I already feel weird about looking into this, I don't need you telling me outright."
Fitz squeezed her tighter, but Olivia could barely feel any comfort.
"I'm sorry, I just don't want you to get too involved with this, you're already so wrecked about your Dad, and one more thing is just going to be too much," Fitz replied tenderly, stroking Olivia's arm.
Olivia fell into the silence, trying to gather her thoughts. She was overwhelmed, and there were way too many decisions and problems in her life. She couldn't fix them, and she wanted to believe in her and Fitz, but if he didn't, how could she?
"Fitzgerald! I need you out here,"
Fitz groaned, knocking his head back in dread as his mother summoned him.
"I'm sorry," Fitz apologized. "Want to come out with me?" Fitz asked next.
"Who are you talking to, Fitzgerald? If that's Olivia tell her to come out." Olivia fought back a smile as Fitz shot her an annoyed look.
"We're coming, Mother!" Fitz called back, so that his mother would retreat.
Caroline had taken an interest in Olivia, who was nothing but well-mannered, polite and intriguing. However Caroline seemed to see her as if she was an exotic bird fit for dissection and study.
"I know you don't like my mother," Fitz told her, as she stood up and searched for her shoes.
"I never said I didn't like your mother," Olivia replied, laughing, on hands and knees searching for her shoes.
"Fitz, your room is massive, I can't find my shoes,"
Fitz raised an eyebrow, Olivia noticed he was barefoot. "Don't worry about it,"
"Fitz, I can't wander around your house with no shoes and socks on."
"Why not?"
"Because, your house is like a museum, and I don't walk around those barefoot."
Fitz laughed, but Olivia was serious. "Fitz, just lend me some socks,"
"Fitzgerald!" Caroline called again. Fitz rolled his eyes.
"Top drawer, hurry down, okay?"
Olivia arrived at the foot of the stairs minutes later, hearing Fitz's voice in the kitchen. She had only been in the kitchen once; they'd been served each of the other times. Despite her comfort in Fitz's room, the rest of his house was so cold, marble floors and beige walls, furniture that hardly looked sat in, and the occasional member of the staff wandering around. Olivia's house wasn't small, but it paled in comparison to Fitz's family's estate. Olivia preferred to stay in Fitz's room, where it felt a little normal.
"Mom, I'm not sick, I'm not confused, and you need to just drop it."
Olivia drifted into the living room, which was a room away from the kitchen, and heard Cecelia's voice rise, angry at her mother once again. Olivia couldn't be sure what the latest development was, but it seemed almost soap opera-ish how much their parents were overreacting.
"Mother, calm down, we're not sending Cece away just because she's not doing what you want her to do."
"It's not about her disobeying your father and me! It's about the recklessness in her choices. She's in no way mature enough to make the decisions she's making."
Olivia couldn't take another step without entering the kitchen, but there was a lull in the conversation as Caroline fumed, and Olivia stepped into the kitchen tentatively.
Fitz rescued her from an awkward entrance, and held out his hand for her to take. Caroline observed their interaction, and scowled, crinkling the corners of her eyes.
"Are you done, Fitzgerald?" Caroline asked cuttingly, as Fitz pulled his eyes away from Olivia.
"I've asked Kennedy and Julie over for dinner. If Olivia is staying, she'd better change."
Olivia examined her pair of black tights and Fitz's large 'Melton Hill Prep' sweatshirt. She did look too casual to dine in the formal living room, Caroline hadn't been entirely rude.
"Since Olivia's coming, that means I can invite Alyssa?"
Caroline's eyes nearly popped out of her head. "Is that her?"
"My girlfriend? Yes, Mom. That's her."
Caroline stared at Cece for a long moment. "Your father is flying in tomorrow night, he'll decide if Alyssa can come over, but I wouldn't hold your breath for much of a warm welcome."
"Well that was the most awkward experience I've ever had at a dinner table,"
Kennedy admitted, knocking back the remainder of his glass of Brandy. Olivia agreed, though her experience with drama at the dinner table was hardly numerous.
"Well, Mom guzzling her weight in Chardonnay was more than awkward on its own." Cece added. "Just mentioning Alyssa was enough to drive Mom to drink."
Olivia helped Cece wash the dishes and put them in the dishwasher, as the housekeeper had fled the premises after Caroline had thrown a crystal goblet in her immediate direction.
"She's losing it," Fitz said, as Kennedy looked longingly at his now empty glass.
"She's more than losing it," Cece replied, rolling her eyes and taking Fitz's car keys from the granite countertop.
"I'm heading over to Alyssa's. Maybe Mom will stop hitting the bottle if I'm gone for the night."
"I doubt it, but it's worth a try." Kennedy told her, as Cece stuck her tongue out at him and left a moment later.
"Why is Dad flying back so much lately? Just because of Cece's experimentation?"
Fitz watched as Olivia finished loading the dishwasher and took her seat at the island. The problems of the Grant family slightly interested her, but her mind was still swimming with thoughts of Samuel and her mother. She wanted to dash upstairs to retrieve the photo, just to study his face more. She wondered if she'd met him, and hadn't recognized him. She watched Fitz talking to his brother, but all she heard was her father's words in her ear, her father's manic rambling words, and she hated that he sprung things on her. His episodes were affecting her life, more than they should. She couldn't stop imagining that Samuel was the love of her mother's life, and that her mother had wanted to run away with Samuel, and she wanted to take Olivia.
"You need to grow up, Fitz. Dad and Mom have a right to be upset, everything they thought about Cece is different. They probably feel like they don't know her at all. And yes, I think Mom is being dramatic, but I don't think that her reaction is completely unexpected."
Fitz looked over to Olivia, who was clearly zoned out, staring out of the window, completely past Kennedy and Fitz.
"Livvie, are you tired?"
Olivia's focus returned to Fitz, she glanced over at Kennedy, who seemed to be realizing that she was there for the first time.
"Sort of. Preoccupied, I guess. Can I stay over?"
"Sure, why don't you shower and I'll be up later."
"Okay." Olivia agreed, hopping down from the chair. "Night, Kennedy." Olivia called over her shoulder as she left the kitchen.
Fitz turned back to Kennedy, who had watched Olivia go with an unreadable expression on his face.
"Are you two that serious? A month ago you were just going on your first date," Kennedy observed.
"We're dating. She's only slept here a handful of times and we're both going through stuff."
"And if you get her pregnant, that's one more thing they have to be dramatic about."
"We're not having sex, Kennedy. We're taking it slow, we just like being together, is that so wrong? I remember you sneaking Julie into your room back in California."
Kennedy rolled his eyes and ran his fingers through his perfectly coifed hair.
"Julie did get pregnant, Fitz. That's why I'm telling you to be careful. I see that you're in love with her, and it's not hard to get physical with someone you love. But the last thing you need is to get trapped by her."
Fitz sat up from his leisurely position against the island, and got into Kennedy's face, angry at his brother's words.
"She's not that type of girl, you asshole. Don't act like you know me, or my girlfriend, because you don't. She would never do anything like that."
Kennedy took in Fitz, who was almost taller than him, and stared into his eyes, full of conviction.
"I thought I knew Julie. I was wrong. I'm telling you because I care about you, Fitz. She doesn't have money like we do, and she knew that you were wealthy, there's no way that's not a factor for her."
Fitz shoved Kennedy without a second thought. "Stay the fuck away from her, okay? Just because you decided to marry the girl who trapped you, doesn't mean that's what's happening with me and Liv. It's not what's happening."
Kennedy shook his head angrily. "Sure, Fitz."
Instead of exiting through the kitchen door, Kennedy headed out toward the main stairs, Fitz followed him.
"Did you need something else?"
"The bathroom, Fitz. Am I not allowed to use the bathroom now?"
Fitz crossed his arms as he watched Kennedy climb the stairs. "There's a bathroom down here, in case you forgot."
"I'll just be a minute," Kennedy called.
Olivia pulled on Fitz's gray t-shirt that she'd slept in the previous times she'd slept over. She almost wanted to turn her brain off, the constant thoughts were killing her. She looked up from her dressing to see Kennedy, standing in the doorway.
"Sorry," he apologized, noticing Olivia's bare legs.
Olivia jumped and pushed her legs under Fitz's comforter. "What are you doing here?"
"I could ask you the same thing," Kennedy countered.
"What are you talking about?" Olivia asked, confused beyond belief; Kennedy had been nothing but polite and even a little bit playful, but his tone was more than accusatory, and he was regarding her critically.
"My brother likes to believe that people are who they say they are, but I know better."
"Kennedy, does Fitz know you're up here?"
"I'm not staying, I'm just telling you that you need to be careful with my brother. He's in love with you. And you can hurt him if you wanted to, it'd be easy."
"Livvie! Want anything from the kitchen?"
Olivia stared at Kennedy, unsure of what she was supposed to say. Liv heard Fitz's shoes on the staircase.
"No, Fitz. I'm fine."
Fitz's footsteps stopped, then headed back down the stairs.
Kennedy took a last look at Olivia and headed out of Fitz's room.
Despite falling asleep in Fitz's arms, Olivia woke up feeling groggy and disoriented, the opposite of how sleeping with Fitz usually made her feel. By the time she'd arrived in her first period class, she was downright burnt out. Olivia's focus was nonexistent, but she'd managed to get a decent grade on a pop quiz in her history class. And, as if her day couldn't get any more exhausting, Jacob Ballard appeared at her locker. Olivia hardly had any energy to combat his advances, but he'd virtually been a ghost since their disaster of a date, so Olivia knew he'd sought her out specifically.
"Olivia Pope finally found her type, huh?"
"Jake, please go away."
Jake raised his eyebrow scandalously as he leaned against her neighboring locker.
"Rough night?"
Olivia stopped putting books into her bag and gave him the dirtiest look she could muster, but it wasn't enough to deter Jake.
"You and Fitz coming to my party tonight? I'm hosting with your friend, Quinn." Olivia groaned in annoyance.
"No, I'm pretty sure we'll have to miss it,"
Jake grinned as Olivia shut her locker door. Jake followed her as she started off toward the parking lot to meet Fitz. She had to go home to check on her father, but she felt herself dreading being alone.
"Well, here's a party favor, there'll be more if you change your mind." Olivia felt Jake slip something into the small pocket of her backpack.
"I won't, but thanks, Jake. Can you make yourself scarce now?"
"I'd be offended, if you weren't so cute."
Olivia stopped at the door to the parking lot.
"Jake. Go, away. I'm with Fitz now,"
Jake stepped back. "I know who you're with. I'm just trying to help you out with all this stress."
"Stress? How do you know anything about me?"
Jake's expression was more than amused, Olivia turned to see Fitz twenty yards away, leaning against his car, waiting for Olivia.
"Same way I know that you could stand to pop a few of those." Jake motioned to Olivia's backpack. Olivia stared at Jake a long moment before letting her backpack strap slide down her arm. She unzipped the compartment and pulled out a plastic baggie with the top knotted. Olivia dumped the contents of the baggie- five pills- into her hand.
"You gave me aspirin?"
Jake laughed good-naturedly.
"They're some of my mom's Xanax, she's always so damn anxious. They help with her stress too. She take two of these bad boys and its smooth sailing. She's so peaceful and calm."
"I call bull." Olivia replied, angry that Jake would shove his mother's pills on her.
"You can call bull all you want, but what I just gave you goes for almost fifty on the street."
"So you're suggesting I sell them, Jake? Trying to turn me into a pill pusher?"
Jake pushed his hand onto Olivia's arm, attempting to reassure her, to little avail.
"I'm telling you to relax. If you can do that without the pills, then I commend you. But if not, you have another option. I'm just trying to be helpful."
Jake smiled at Olivia a last time before walking in the opposite direction. Olivia shoved the pills back in the bag, and tied the bag off and pushed it into her sweater pocket.
Trying to shake off her encounter with Jake, Olivia pushed open the door and smiled as Fitz noticed her, his entire face lighting up, as she threw herself into her arms and kissed her forehead.
"How was the rest of your day?" Fitz inquired, Olivia noted that he'd already shed his worn in uniform sweater and loosened his tie.
"Since you saw me an hour and a half ago? Horrible." Fitz kissed her nose, and leaned back, the sun hitting his face, causing Fitz to smile in satisfaction.
"I just want to soak up how amazing this moment is," Fitz commented. "Because the rest of the day is going to be shitty, I already know."
"How could you know that?" Olivia asked, giggling at Fitz's pessimism.
"Dinner with my parents is tonight, and my Dad wants Alyssa to come. And I have to take you home, so I can't be with you all night."
Olivia realized this too, she had been invited to dine with the Grants, but leaving her father alone for another night just wasn't an option.
"Wow. I didn't even think about that," Olivia replied, feeling more down than she had been.
"We'll be able to be together tomorrow, at least." Fitz responded soothingly.
"I just have to stay home with my father all night, and hope that he doesn't freak out on me again, it's getting more and more frequent."
"You call me if you need me. For anything, okay? I'll come and get you no matter what time. I know how you've been lately. Don't get so overwhelmed that you forget that I'm here, okay?"
Olivia blinked, not making eye contact with Fitz. "Okay."
Fitz pulled her chin up, so that they were eye to eye. "Promise me that you'll call if you need me, Livvie."
"Fitz, I promise I'll call if I need you." Olivia vowed, trying to believe it herself.
Fitz nodded, mollified and released her, clearly ready to drive her home.
Dinner had gone well, and though her father had been more than quiet, he seemed to be in tune with reality, and hadn't started acting out. But Olivia didn't want to push her luck. She abandoned the dinner dishes on the table and helped her father upstairs and into his bedroom. Michelle had already gotten him ready for bed; he only really needed someone to supervise him and be there if he needed anything. As her father had reminded her not that long ago; he wasn't an invalid.
Olivia couldn't help but linger as her father made himself comfortable in bed. She glanced at the picture that her father kept on his nightstand of himself, Maya and Olivia. Olivia noticed that it was facedown.
Her curiosity got the better of her, as she watched her father drifting in and out of sleep.
"Daddy?" Olivia began, her voice unsteady.
Jackson's eyes fluttered open as he noticed Olivia. Olivia searched for any change in his eyes, but found none.
"Daddy, does the name Samuel mean anything to you? Samuel Lorenz Berkley?"
Jackson blinked, his eyes dipping low again.
"Yes." He replied a moment later, after his eyes had nearly closed.
"Do you know him?" Olivia pressed, making it a point to keep her distance from her father.
"I've met him before, doesn't mean I know him."
Olivia was unsure how much more prodding she could do before her father drifted from reality again, she hoped she didn't get close, she could barely take it if her father had another episode.
But still, Olivia pushed him.
"Daddy. Where did you meet Samuel?"
"I followed her, one day. She had you and I followed her."
"Where did she take me?"
"To see him." Her father answered simply, not looking at her.
"I knew, of course I always knew. But I didn't want to think about it. It didn't matter to me. Until I saw him."
"You knew that Mom was… cheating on you?" Olivia could almost feel her father's tolerance for the conversation disintegrating, she held her breath, hoping he would answer.
"I could never prove that. I had suspicions, but I could never prove it."
"Okay… so you followed her, why?"
"Because she took you to see him and she swore she wouldn't. She told me it was over. And she lied,"
Olivia was impatient now, she was close to the truth, and she knew it.
"Dad. Why did she take me to see Samuel? What for? If you say she wasn't cheating with him, then why?"
Jackson turned his head, and squinted at Olivia, almost like he didn't recognize her anymore.
Oh no, Olivia screamed internally.
"Maya."
"Dad. Don't do this. You were about to tell me. Please come back and tell me."
Jackson blinked again.
"I told you not to take her, Maya."
Olivia shook her head, storming toward her father in frustration. She climbed onto his bed and held his hand firmly, letting him know that she was there.
"Dad. It's Olivia. I'm here. I need you to finish what you were telling me. You need to come back, please. Tell me why Mom took me to see Samuel. Why?"
Jackson stared at Olivia. "You know why you took her, Maya. Why do you want me to say it?" Olivia nearly bit her lip off to hold in the tears.
"Jackson, just say it," Olivia replied, her collar heating up with frustration.
"You took her to see Samuel because he sent you a letter saying he wanted to meet her. I saw the letter. You swore that he would have never been a good father anyway, and we agreed to keep her away from him. We said we were doing what's best for Olivia, but you always had a weak spot for him, didn't you?"
Olivia felt his eyes on her, as if she was an alien, Olivia barely felt the ground under her feet as she stood and backed away from his bed. The room was blurry and out of focus, and Olivia could feel her heart beating dangerously fast. Pulling the door to his room closed, Olivia threw herself down the stairs in a mad dash, and had one hand on the phone receiver before she'd regained her balance. Olivia picket the receiver up, and started to dial Fitz, but felt her mind flooding with thoughts, as she processed what her father had just told her. She could barely begin to breathe, much less talk to Fitz. He was going to explain away her father's words, just as he'd done with 'SLB'. She didn't want to feel like she was crazy. She wanted to stop thinking, to distress.
To calm down. Olivia sunk to the floor, where her bookbag, having been discarded upon entering the house, was. Olivia pulled her crumpled up sweater out of the bag and lifted the small baggie out, staring at the slightly blue pills in apprehension.
She'd read about addiction, and pills, especially Xanax, were proven to be habit forming. Olivia bit her lip, hoping that she'd just naturally calm down, maybe she didn't need Fitz at all.
She stood, still holding the baggie as she turned toward the only picture her father publically displayed of her mother; their first picture as a complete 'family'.
They had always told her that the picture had been taken a few days after she was born, and she'd always believed it, accepting it as truth without even considering that they could be lying to her.
Olivia studied herself; she looked no older in the photo than she had in the one with Samuel.
It's all lies.
Olivia realized, pulling the baggie out, and slipping her hand inside to grasp one of the pills. Olivia stared at the picture, noticing more than before the smile on her mother's face. Olivia slipped the pill into her mouth and swallowed it, before she could talk herself out of it.
As she waited for the pill to take effect, she pulled the picture down from the wall, and ran her finger along her mother's smile.
"Who were you?" Olivia wondered aloud, not allowing her eyes to drift over to Jackson; she wouldn't let herself realize that the man she called 'Dad' was a perfect stranger.
Olivia felt her body loosening, as her vison sharpened, and dulled simultaneously.
Sighing, Olivia placed the photo on the end table, facedown.
There, Olivia thought to herself, now it really is like you never existed at all.
A/N: I think that some of you will be angry with the direction that I've decided to take this story, but originally this fanfic wasn't supposed to exceed five chapters, but I fell in love with this AU and I decided to keep it going. This is angst to the third degree, and reading over this I realize it plays out as kind of soap opera-ish. This chapter had to establish a couple of things, and I wanted to get some fluff in here as well.
Olivia and Fitz are thriving, but there is still some distrust going on, particularly when Olivia decides not to call Fitz when she most needs him. Olivia and Fitz are definitely going through it, with Olivia finding out that her father is not her father, and with Fitz being the scapegoat in his family currently.
Kennedy makes his first appearance since Chapter Two, and he is none too pleasant. Aside from taking his own issues out on Fitz, he also confronts an already unstable Olivia. Cece's not in this chapter much, but she does influence Fitz's overall disposition, with his weed use continuing. Cece's lax behavior toward the situation will change coming up, once Parent's Grant come to the end of their rope.
Also, Jake rears his annoying head to turn the story in a new direction. He addresses Olivia's stress and offers her a solution. I did mention previously that Olivia will develop a habit of her own, but you'll have to wait until next chapter to know if the pills are what I was talking about.
Next chapter we will have more Samuel, Fitz's dinner with his parents, a flashback with Olivia and Maya as well as an Olitz fight (I hate writing their fights, it's really hard and I hate it, but they're bickering needs to come to a climax). Jake will make a minor appearance and Abby will save the day.
Let me know what you thought in the comments! I read every one and they literally make my day!
xoxo,
Avis