Abby lay on her bed, staring up at the ceiling forlornly as she ran her socked feet along her headboard, and made no effort to catch them when they invariably slipped off the wood. She placed her feet back at the top and repeated the process, bored out of her mind. Oliva had been distant lately, all wrapped up in Fitz, and though she was happy that her best friend- the Olivia Pope- could possibly be in love or at the very least in extreme like, she hated that she hardly got to spend any time with her anymore.

"Phone for you, Abby."

Abby didn't move, instead she adjusted her neck to that she could see the head housekeeper, Kathie standing in her doorway, drying her hands on her apron. Abby rolled her eyes.

"If it's not David, I don't care."

Chances are, it wouldn't be David. He'd taken a week off of school to go to Italy with his father. His father was on business, of course, but David was excited at the prospect of spending at least an evening with his father. David had already made a very expensive call from their flat in Florence, and Abby doubted that he would call again until the very end of their trip.

"It's Quinn, she insisted that it was important to talk to you."

Abby sat up, irritated at the mention of Quinn's name- she had ditched her too- for Jake Ballard no less. Olivia hadn't hit it off with him in the least, but Quinn had hoarded a crush on him since she'd first saw him in eighth grade. He was no prize, but Quinn was happy, and Abby had to respect that, though it nauseated her. Abby and David were comfortable with each other, having dated for nearly a year, there was less excitement and cutesy stuff, and more reliability and affection. Abby liked that she could exist without her boyfriend, and she hated that she passed judgement on Quinn, who clearly couldn't.

"I'll take it in the den,"

Abby told Kathie, as she stood and padded down the hallway toward the back staircase, past the pantries and into her father's coveted area- his home in his home for the rare times he was actually home. It was equipped with all of the latest technology, and her father was always shipping something back from his travels to be placed in his den. Abby lifted the phone from its receiver, collapsed against the doorframe and sighed before greeting Quinn.

"Quinn."

"Abby? You have to promise not to kill me."

Abby rolled her eyes at Quinn's dramatics- she'd received an equally as distressed call when Quinn had spilled mauve colored nail polish on a skirt she'd borrowed from Abby.

"Please, Quinn. Just cut to it."

"Olivia OD'd."

Abby raised her eyebrow as she stared at the last family portrait they'd all sat down for, the year Abby turned fourteen; her eyesight wavered slightly. Abby turned away from the portrait and tried to process the information.

"What? What do you mean she OD'd? Olivia Pope?"

"Yes, our friend, your best friend Olivia Pope OD'd. I was with Jake. We were driving back from getting ice for the party. We were two streets over from Olivia's and we heard the sirens. We crossed over and saw them putting her into the back of an ambulance."

"Fuck, Quinn. I'm on my way. What hospital is she at? Did you follow the ambulance?"

Quinn was silent a moment, before sniffing into the receiver, telling Abby that she must have been crying.

"I asked the paramedic, he said she's going to Jefferson. Don't be angry, I can't go. I'm drunk off my ass, and I'm freaking out. You should go. Just tell me how she is, okay?"

"Quinn, no one is going to bust you for having a few shots. Our best friend needs us right now. You haven't been her friend for weeks, but I know you still care about her."

"I do… but Abby. I can't go."

Abby wanted to run up to her room and get ready, but she didn't have the time, her patience was wearing thin, and she just wanted to get to her best friend.

"Can somebody grab my rain boots or something? Tennis shoes, I don't care! And my keys please!"

Abby called, pressing her hand to the receiver and coming back to the call to hear Quinn sobbing uncontrollably.

"I took some of what she took,"

Quinn confessed, her sobbing more than out of hand.

"What do you mean?"

Abby asked, as one of her housekeepers, Lila, brought her black rain boots and her keys.

"Thank you,"

Abby whispered as she returned to her call and tried to decipher Quinn's blabbering.

"Quinn, where are you?"

"I'm at Jake's. In the bathroom. I can't come with you, Abby. I can't. I'm high on the same pills that Olivia took and I'm drunk. If I go… I can't."

"I'm coming to get you. I can come in that bathroom and pull you up from the floor and throw you in my backseat, or you can grow the fuck up and remember that this is not about you. It's about Olivia. Meet me outside in five or I'm coming inside."

When Abby arrived outside of Jake Ballard's house, the party Quinn had mentioned was still in full swing: their classmates littered his front yard, vegging on the grass or smoking weed. Abby's patience was past gone, and she was in a desperate frenzy to get to her best friend. Abby shut her engine off and jumped out of her car, racing past the stoners and into the front door of Jake's house. Abby found the stairs easily and set off to find Quinn at the first bathroom she came to. The door was bolted.

"Quinn! Get out here now!"

Abby continued to pound on the door after she'd received no response until an irritated and very intoxicated partygoer emerged from the bathroom. He shot Abby a look.

"There's no one in there." He informed, and pushed past Abby listlessly.

"Dick," Abby murmured and checked in the bathroom just for good measure. Turning around in the long hallway, Abby noticed that Jake's room was at the end of the hall, marked with the Jamaican flag. Abby rolled her eyes, but continued down the hall and pushed open the door.

"The whitest white boy ever would have the Jamaican flag on his damn door."

Abby yelled this at Quinn, who had mistakenly left a large portion of her chestnut hair visible in the dimly lit room from her hiding place under the bed.

"Get your stupid ass up, please."

Quinn peeked out from under Jake's bed, unmoving. Abby dropped down to her hands and knees and grabbed one of Quinn's wrists and pulled, eliciting a strained groan from Quinn.

"Quinn I swear. Get up. No one knows about her but us. We need to get to the hospital. Stop being such a selfish cunt."

Abby's harsh words hit Quinn like a slap and a new wave of sobs broke out.

"Just leave me alone, Abby. I don't deserve to see her."

"Why the fuck not?"

"I told Jake to give them to her. I'm the one that made this thing happen. It's my fault. I knew that she was stressed and I told Jake to give them to her."

Abby stared at Quinn's barely visible face in fury.

"Please, just come out from under there so we can go. We're wasting time."

"Go without me. You're wasting time, not me."

Abby stood, angry that she'd trekked through a band of sweaty, inebriated and scarcely dressed high school kids only to not even accomplish what she'd came there for. But dragging a nearly hysterical Quinn out from under the bed would be more time than she had to spare.

"She'll never forgive you for this," Abby threw to Quinn, though she couldn't see her anymore, she'd sunk deeper into the shadows.

"And neither will I."

xxx

The space about Olivia's bed was the only place she could bring herself to look: there was stark whiteness and nothing else. It was almost calming, and at that moment Olivia needed to be calm. She hadn't felt this stupid in her entire life, and if the unrelenting soreness in her throat and stomach was any indication, she'd never been this stupid in her entire life. She wanted to sink into the sterile hospital bed and stay there forever; she'd gone looking for answers, but she hadn't liked what she'd discovered.

"You and I are going to fight, once you're strong enough to get this ass beating,"

Liv almost turned her head to address Abby, but she didn't. She'd been trying to get Liv to talk since she'd arrived a half hour ago, but Liv wasn't in the mood; she just wanted to be alone.

"In all seriousness. I need you to talk to me, Liv. Please. Just say something."

Liv felt her eyes burning with tears, they'd been forming since Abby had arrived, and finally they streamed down her face and stained her stiff hospital gown.

"Fine. I'll just keep talking to you."

Abby pulled a chair beside her bed, and took Olivia's hand, despite the contact, Olivia didn't release her rigid grip on the sheets.

"If you tried to kill yourself, you need to tell me."

Abby whispered to her, as if they were being overheard.

"They're going to come back in here and if they think you tried to kill yourself, they're going to take you away. Do you really want that? If you do, keep being catatonic, keep ignoring everyone and keep being quiet. Then they'll lock you up and throw away the key. You need to start talking. If not to me, then maybe to Fit-"

Olivia finally looked over to Abby sharply. "No. You can't tell Fitz."

Abby's smile was involuntary; simply at the sound of Olivia's voice.

"I already made a call… left a message with his housekeeper. He's probably on his way now. You had to know that I was going to call him… he's like your husband now."

Olivia bit her lip, worried. Had she really thought that she could be admitted into the hospital and Fitz would be none the wiser? No. Of course not. But she hadn't expected him to be notified as soon as he had been.

In a way, being in the hospital was like putting her life on 'pause'… she didn't need to be anything… she could just be. At school she was looked at as a model student- teachers called on her out of habit for explanations on things they hadn't even taught her yet. Her GPA, test scores and prize-winning essays were preached about in freshman orientation (she'd spoken at Chapel for the new school year for two years in a row.) The pressure was off her when she was there, in between those uniform sheets.

"I don't want him here, Abby. Please call him back and tell him that I need time alone."

xxx

Fitz swallowed the last of the wine they'd been served with dinner and looked down the table at Cece and Alyssa, who were speaking to one another in whispers. The dinner hadn't been as bad as it could have been; at least everyone kept an even tone the entire time. His father had drank more than his own weight in scotch, but that was not out of the ordinary. It seemed that their parents were trying to put aside their frustrations with Cece by being civil toward Alyssa. Either way, Fitz was relieved it was over, ending his forced family time.

"Are you two going to be alright if I duck out for a while?"

Fitz asked, having gotten to his feet and walked to the end of the dinner table. Alyssa and Cece pulled away from their conversation abruptly.

"Of course. Going to pick up Liv?"

Cece asked, gripping Alyssa's hand.

"Yeah, at least I'm going to stop by. She's been in the house all night, must be going stir-crazy."

"No problem. We'll see you later."

Fitz nodded. "Call me if you need me."

"Always do." Cece replied, turning her attention back to Alyssa.

Fitz grinned in response and made his way into the entryway of his house.

"Lucy!"

He called, searching both tables for his car keys, effectively lifting up every piece of mail that had been haphazardly strewn all over the table. The dinner had been somewhat of a stressful one for their staff, and they'd been scrambling since Fitz had gotten home from school. Fitz raised an exasperated eyebrow as Lucy walked in from the pantry area, wiping her hands on a towel at her hip.

"Fitzgerald? What do you need?"

Fitz pushed his hands in his pockets, knowing he hadn't left his keys in there, but figuring he should check.

"I put my keys on this table, I need to get over to Liv's I don't have time for hide and seek. Have you seen them?"

Lucy crossed her arms and didn't move toward Fitz. She stared at him seriously before shaking her head regrettably. Fitz crossed his arms over his chest as he realized that Lucy had something to do with his missing keys.

"You were in the middle of dinner. I wasn't going to interrupt."

Fitz's was in disbelief, he stepped closer to Lucy, trying to understand what she was saying.

"What do you mean, Lucy? What's going on?"

Lucy exhaled evenly, "The hospital called... There's been an accident."

Fitz felt the color drain from his cheeks; the slight warmth he'd felt from the half glass of wine he'd drank at dinner was gone. He knew what it was about, who it was about; the bad feeling that had been growing in the pit of his stomach made sense now. Something was wrong with Olivia. Lucy watched Fitz's face as he reacted to her; he was in unbearable pain as he waited for Lucy to continue. His mind jumped to the worse possibilities as Lucy still hesitated to tell Fitz the truth.

"What kind of… accident?"

Fitz asked finally, when Lucy didn't answer his inquiry.

"Lucy! Goddammit, tell me where she is,"

Lucy crossed her arms, automatically ignoring Fitz's outburst and regarded him fondly, as though the tortured passion he was exhibiting was something she'd been waiting to emerge.

"I wanted to wait until I knew you could go without any questions."

Lucy answered Fitz a beat later, her smile weak, yet sincere. Her kind, dark brown eyes averted from Fitz's blue ones, as she lowered her head to pull Fitz's keys from her apron pocket.

"I'm sorry,"

Fitz apologized as he took his keys.

"I can't lose her,"

Fitz told Lucy, earnest to his core.

Lucy nodded, and craned her neck toward the door. "I know you can't. Go."

Fitz hugged Lucy tightly next, and quickly disappeared from the front entryway.

The door to Olivia's hospital room was closed, was that customary? Fitz didn't know, he'd only been in the hospital a handful of times, but rarely to visit anyone who was sick. His mother frowned upon young children in hospitals. Fitz hesitated, his hand nearly grasping the doorknob. What was he going to do? He couldn't know how seeing his beautiful girlfriend in a hospital bed would make him feel. He wanted to know he would be strong, he wanted to have a guarantee that no matter how she appeared, no matter how precarious the situation, he'd be able to keep it together. But he couldn't. He couldn't make himself know that, because it wasn't possible. He poured every ounce of emotion into her because she had none, she had a distinct coping mechanism, and she was very good at appearing to be okay. Even when Fitz held her, it was almost as if she was always a million miles away, swimming in her thoughts. Fitz couldn't protect her, he never could.

Once again his hand nearly took the metal colored doorknob, and once again he didn't allow himself to actually take hold of it.

If Abby hadn't thrown open the door in anger, he might never have opened it.

But she did, her carrot orange hair flying around her face as the door opened fully. Abby cast a backward glance at her, his girlfriend. She laid in the middle of a bed that seemed to swallow her up, and she peered at him with fearful, large eyes. She was nervous. Abby stepped back, crossing her arms.

"Come in,"

Abby commanded impatiently, snatching Fitz by his arm and pulling him into the room. Abby closed the door and collapsed against it, staring at Liv, urging her to speak with her eyes.

But, Liv didn't move, she continued to stare at Fitz, her hands gripped the sterile white bedsheets tightly.

"Livvie,"

Fitz finally uttered a moment later, after Liv's fearful stare had worn too much on his heart.

"Livvie,"

He whispered to her this time, slowly approaching her bed with his hands up and slightly outstretched, as if she had a gun on him.

"Can I, please?"

He asked, motioning to her bed. When she didn't answer, Fitz kicked his shoes off, abandoned his coat and climbed into bed with her, scooping her up into his arms and kissing the special spot below her ear that always made her relax. She was always so tense; Fitz had taken to reminding her, periodically throughout the day to breathe, to let her shoulders slump, to stop not letting herself relax. Fitz hated to think that his Livvie was always turning over her issues in her head; she never stopped thinking, she never let herself have a moment.

Despite herself, Olivia melted into Fitz, tears springing to her eyes automatically as he kissed her. Their lips meshed together, as Fitz's tears began to mingle with her own. She loved this, she loved him. And she wished that that was enough to take away her sadness, but it wasn't. His tenderness, his raw emotion made her feel loved and warm, but the moment that he left, or fell asleep, she was sad all over again. Olivia broke away from their kiss and buried her head in the crook of his neck.

"What happened, Livvie? What happened?"

She only shook her head, but Fitz kissed her on the forehead, trying to remind her that he was still there.

Though Fitz was acutely aware that Abby was still standing at the door, he continued his attempts to coax her into telling him what happened.

"My Dad."

Olivia finally told him, after he'd really given up hope of her speaking to him at all.

"What about your Dad?"

Fitz asked.

"He's not my Dad."

Olivia muttered. "He told me so."

Fitz turned to cast a glance to Abby, who shrugged and crossed her arms uncomfortably.

"I don't really know what's going on,"

Abby insisted warily, a moment later after Fitz's stare toward her did not relent.

"She was barely talking to me before you got here… I thought maybe…"

Abby bit her lip as she stopped speaking abruptly.

Fitz looked away from Abby finally and stared down at Olivia. His throat began to thicken as tears welled in his eyes again. Swallowing became difficult as the question that would change everything was on the tip of his tongue.

"Abby? Can we have a second?"

Before the question had really left his lips, Abby was gone, scurrying out of Olivia's room with haste.

Fitz turned back to Olivia, getting down in the dip of the bed with her and scooping her up once again.

"Please tell me you didn't try to kill yourself,"

Fitz pleaded, stroking her curly hair; he remembered one of the times she'd stayed at his house, and they decided to shower together. Livvie had been nervous about it, and Fitz couldn't understand why. She'd stepped into the spacious shower that was in the adjoined bathroom. With tentative steps, she held her arms out for Fitz, and closed her eyes as she dipped her head under the water, her spiral curls sagging immediately, and then being taken over by the warm water. Looking up at Fitz with large, apprehensive eyes, she shook her mass of wet hair out and grinned as Fitz stared at her in wonder.

"I'm sorry,"

Olivia apologized, squeezing Fitz's arm for emphasis.

"Why are you sorry?"

Fitz asked, kissing her cheek as they pressed their bodies together under the stream of water.

"I underestimated you."

"Wouldn't be the first time."

Fitz mused, a smile tugging at his lips. He started at run his fingers through Olivia's hair, which was now a wet, slightly curly mop, but stopped and silently asked permission.

Biting her lip, Olivia took his hands and led them into her hair, smiling as she felt his careful fingers roving her hair.

"You're… amazing."

He'd uttered, holding her tightly as Olivia's hair continued to curl in the swirling steam.

"Livvie?"

Olivia looked away, she felt herself trembling as she recalled what had landed her in the hospital. The Xanax she'd taken had made her unsteady, but she'd ignored this, and took several more of the pills. Once she'd been able to pull herself away from the supposed first picture of her family, she'd slipped, and collided with the edge of the hall table. But she couldn't tell Fitz that. Sure, Fitz smoked, but his smoking had never landed him in the hospital. She was afraid of what he'd think of her… she disliked herself so much already, she couldn't even think of Fitz feeling the same way.

xxx

The waiting room was decked out in orange and brown furnishings, heavy orange curtains and uncomfortable brown loveseats and upholstered chairs. Abby sat in the far corner near the window, bouncing her crossed leg and twirling one carrot orange lock around her index finger. She looked up at the cube TV in a mount on the other far corner of the room; the news was on. Why was it that hospitals always found it a good idea to depress people more? Abby continued to twirl her hair as she tried to calm the panicky feeling that rose in her chest. Every now and then, a nurse or visitor would mistakenly enter the spacious room, and quickly realize that they were in the wrong place. Since Abby had been sitting there, this had happened several times. But Jake Ballard was not in the room by mistake, he strode in and smiled, holding out his arms for Abby as if they were friends.

"Jake,"

Abby hissed, hopping up and rounding on Jake immediately; she'd been trying to control her anger towards Quinn since it blossomed, as she made herself remember that at one time they were friends. However, Jake warranted none of that regard, Abby got as close to him as she could without wanting to swing on him.

"Who do you think you are exactly?"

Abby demanded, her voice slightly strained.

"I came to see Olivia, is she around?"

Jake almost smirked, clearly enjoying Abby's anger.

"Not for you. What do you need, Jake?"

"I heard from Quinn that she OD'd. Just needed confirmation."

Abby nearly clawed his eyes out, but she kept her calm for the sake of Olivia; if she heard that Abby fought Jake Ballard in the waiting room, she would be none too pleased.

"You need to go, she's not going to see you."

Jake smirked and stepped back from Abby, running his index finger across his lower lip in appraisal.

"This is ironic,"

He commented a moment later, his casualness leaving Abby fuming. She'd only left the room because Fitz asked her to. Had it been Olivia requesting this, she would have ignored her, but, as much as Abby hated to admit it, if anyone could get to the bottom of the situation, it was him.

When Abby didn't inquire further about Jake's words, he pressed on.

"Olivia the Great. Perfect Pope. She has so many nicknames, but they all mean the same thing. She's perfect. Except she's not."

Abby started to walk away, not wanting to entertain Jake further. Her best friend was lying in a hospital bed, and Jake was talking to her about her reputation? As Abby attempted to pass him, Jake snatched her arm and pulled her close to him. Abby froze as he made rough physical contact with her, she stared at him incredulously. Jake's casual as-a-matter-of-fact attitude disintegrated before her eyes and was replaced with a darker visage.

"I gave Olivia those pills. I know that's why she's in here. I can make her life hell."

Abby pulled out of Jake's hold, nearly hitting herself in the face as her arm caught momentum once released from his grasp.

Jake stepped back from Abby and ran his hands through his hair, his calm was becoming distant.

"What did you just set her up? Give her those pills so that you could expose her as a human being?"

Abby demanded to know, careful not to get in Jake's face again. But Jake only shrugged coolly.

"Wasn't a definitive plan, but everything happens for a reason."

A beat passed as Abby stared at Jake, desperately wanting to hit him, not even for her, but for Olivia. But Jake didn't give her more opportunity to talk, instead he nodded at Abby, and left the waiting room. While Abby doubted Jake could do any real damage, she knew that his interest in Olivia's unraveling would only worsen her recovery.

xxx

"Watch me, Mommy!"

Maya Pope turned her head to acknowledge her small daughter, Olivia's escapades. Maya smiled at Olivia warmly as she struggled in her puffy coat to climb up the stairs of the largest jungle gym on the playground. Olivia had just begun gymnastics in the spring, Maya had gotten her involved- the monkey bars had always been Olivia's favorite.

Olivia waited her turn as another young boy clung to the third monkey bar, before finally releasing himself to the not-too-distant play mat.

Olivia began her journey across the bars, her thick knit wool cap partially obscuring her curly hair.

"She's getting so gorgeous."

Maya reluctantly pulled her eyes from Olivia, who was thankfully absorbed in her task. She looked up at him, she'd known he was coming, and yet his presence always seemed to disturb her.

"She is."

Maya finally agreed, squinting at him as the low winter sun outlined him.

"Does her Dad know?"

Maya narrowed her eyes at him.

"That he's her Dad? Yes, he knows. I told him."

"That was a close call. I almost disrupted your familial bliss."

"Yes, almost. Thank God that crisis was averted."

"Did you… Never mind."

"Never mind what?"

Maya sat up, casting a glance behind her to see Olivia dismounting and running toward her. Without hesitation, Maya scooped Olivia up and kissed her forehead.

"Mommy! Did you see me?"

Maya beamed at Olivia and squeezed her playfully.

"Yes I did, baby girl. You were great. You're going to do so well in class tomorrow."

Olivia was mollified, and Maya returned her attention to him.

"Sam?"

Maya asked slowly, wanting him to finish his question.

But, he only smiled at Olivia kindly.

"You're going to be so smart, I can tell."

He told this to Olivia, who looked at him curiously as she held onto her mother's coat.

"Congrats, Maya. I hope you have everything you ever wanted."

Maya watched him go, holding onto Olivia tightly.

"Who was that?"

Olivia asked curiously.

"Nobody, baby."

Maya answered stiffly.

"Why don't you have another turn on the monkey bars before we leave?"

Olivia nodded eagerly and jumped down from Maya's lap, scrambling back over to the jungle gym.

His comment sat with her as she watched her daughter play, and suddenly she knew his question, though he'd never finished asking it.

Did she want Olivia to be his?

She knew her answer, but as she watched her daughter skillfully swing from bar to bar, she knew that what she wanted didn't really matter.

Some things were just meant to be, and some things weren't.

xxx

Dear NT readers,

Above everything else, I am thankful. I am thankful for my writing abilities, and I am thankful that occasionally, I am able to sit down and do nothing but write. However, lately I have been in a sort of slump where my writing was concerned. I had no drive to write, no motivation and I was simply stuck in the plots I'd created. I've been receiving extensive criticism for my updating schedule, but I try not to let that get to me. I am a busy, overworked and overstressed college student, like I'm sure many of my readers are (or were.) While I am grateful for the readers that enjoy my writing, I have to take my own emotions and time into consideration. I've simply had no motivation to write or to do much of anything. Thankfully, those slumps never last long (too long, anyway) and I am back with another update! Hopefully I still have some readers out there who aren't irritated with me!

But, to the chapter: I decided to omit the aforementioned Olitz fight. Everything else I kept pretty in tune with my last Author's note.

Now the question is: Did Olivia try to kill herself?

If you've been reading thus far, the answer shouldn't be too hard to uncover. Olivia's character is in transition right now as some of the things she thought she knew are being tested.

However, one large question has been answered: Who is Olivia's father? Jackson Pope! Yes, according to the flashback at the end of this chapter, there was some doubt of paternity on Maya's end, but ultimately, Olivia's father is not the mysterious Samuel, but her good old Dad Jackson.

We also had Abby's badassery to root for in this chapter (a trend that will be continued) and Jake pops up again to be antagonistic. Perhaps the hardest thing to write was Fitz's reaction to Olivia being hurt. Though we only got small doses of them together in this chapter, their emotional output was high. Whatever Olivia's motivations, they will hurt Fitz, so be prepared.

Next chapter the promised fight will ensue, and Abby will save the day (again). Papa Pope is going to be heavily discussed, and possibly seen.

Thanks for sticking with me and for reading, as always.

Avis xoxo