Monster Party Novella: But what happens when the gears, get sick of the machine?
Chapter Three: Middle class, don't speak of it! Savoir Faire, we reek of it!
"I'm sorry she couldn't help you." Alexander reflected as he stood in the hall just outside Edward Resten's room.
The mansion's owner was now laying down in a large bed, a wet cloth draped across his head since at least some of the symptoms of Dum-Dum Fever could be treated.
"It's not so terrible. I already knew it could not be cured by science...finding out magic is also helpless was not such a terrible blow." He reflected.
"I was going to suggest that curing you of a horrific disease would be a fair trade for room and board, but since we can't live up to our end up that bargain I'll make arrangements for us to be gone in the morning." Alexander vowed.
"No!" Edward shouted, struggling against his bedsheets to sit up.
"If you're willing to stay in this house, and aren't afraid of catching the Fever yourselves, I could use all the company I can get. I never really had enough company... and before you make any crass remarks, you should know that I've never sunk to paying ladies for theirs! I really don't know how I caught the Fever... so perhaps it'd be for the best if you don't stay." He admitted laying back down.
Alexander responded by actually walking into the room.
"I've checked the books in your library, they seem to have more questions than answers when it comes to Dum-Dum Fever. Still, I don't think there's much chance that I'll contract it from you just because we spent some time talking to one another." The silver haired man pointed out.
"Well, talking is something that I can still do just fine, though I can't promise I'll always make sense. Suppose you might as well just tell me the story of how you got that sword. After all, even if Dum-Dum Fever eats away at a man's brain till he's got the mind of a child, even a child can still enjoy a good story." Edward pointed out, trying to glimpse a very thin silver lining to his condition.
"I'd rather not. I'd really rather not." Alexander admitted.
He reached out a hand and gently touched the pommel of his sword.
"It's not a happy story... at all. It's powerfully magical, but like many such objects it is also cursed. Every second I spend with it drawn is like an eternity, an eternity when my mind is assaulted by all my past mistakes, all my past sins." Alexander explained.
"Why do you still have it then? Is another aspect of the curse that it comes back to you even if you were to throw it into the ocean or better yet into a furnace?" Edward couldn't help but ask.
"I've never tried. I couldn't bear the thought of being without it.
Every second I spend with it drawn is an eternity. An eternity to strike down my foes, an eternity to reflected on how I've dedicated myself to being better than who I used to be.
Give me an actual eternity, and I might eventually cease to be deserving of such a curse." Alexander's voice was strangely soft and solemn as he spoke.
"I don't suppose that's the sort of tale a man would enjoy telling. Don't suppose you have any more cheerful ones about your adventures? Better yet, I don't suppose you could go on an adventure and find a cure for Dum-Dum Fever, I'd be able to pay you handsomely for it!" Edward Resten suggested, a few faint flickers of hope kindling within his breast as he spoke.
"If what you said about Nosos is true I don't think there's likely to be much in the way of 'adventures' to go on in Nosos. As for curing your disease..." Alexander hesitated and decided that there was no point in beating around the bush, besides, pretty soon nobody would take anything Edward said all that seriously.
"Do you know what a darklord is?" The silver haired man inquired.
"Haven't the foggiest." Edward admitted at once.
"Do you have any idea what the Core is?" Alexander tried again figuring he could start small and work his way up?
"Do I know what the Core is? I should have my manservant bring me a fresh pillow so I can throw it at you! I was born in Darkon! My father was one of the most prosperous merchants there, until one day Nosos came to the border.
He was overjoyed to discover that there was a land where instead of being 'just a merchant' he could be treated like a noble, better than a noble! It's what we deserve after all, we merchants make the world go round while nobles just sit in their castles!" Edward boasted with pride.
"Nosos... 'came to the border' of Darkon?" Alexander repeated that particular phrase as if to make sure that Edward wasn't already falling into the grip of delirium.
"You haven't been here long, but believe me, that's exactly how Nosos works. It's the strangest thing and probably drivers the map makers madder than... well some comparisons are best left unthought of. Still, strange as it may be, it's nothing but the truth.
Nosos will appear at the edge of some place or other, stay there for a week or so, and then wind up being somewhere else. Sometimes we're nowhere at all, but never for long enough that it becomes a real problem. We were 'nowhere' when last I checked, so you're very lucky to have been brought here." Edward explained.
"If you can call it luck." Alexander shot back, his glance shifting towards a nearby window and the site of the still falling rain which stole rather than brought life.
"It is luck. Well luck for me at least, since I don't know where else I'd be able to find someone to listen to a madman ramble on. I suppose I could hire someone... but it feels..." He trailed off, unable to properly express the concept.
"It feels less demeaning to simply have permanent house-guests?" Alexander supplied.
Edward nodded snapping his fingers in delight.
"That's it, that's it exactly! Anyway, if you keep your wits about you, Nosos could be lucky for you also. A man can make a fortune by nothing but the sweat of his brow and the brilliance of his brains. Why Lord Sceleris himself started with next to nothing, and it seems that he owns half, well at least a solid quarter of the town today!" Edward gushed.
"Oh did he? Tell me, how much of Malus Sceleris' history do you actually know?" Alexander's interest was piqued to say the least.
"Not that much, likes to keep things to himself, that's probably why he likes to host masquerades. He was a successful lumber baron when he first arrived, but then the trees died out..." Mr. Resten began.
"The trees, 'died out'? Was there some kind of plague, another disease?" Once again Alexander had a little trouble being certain that his host was still fully sane.
"Nothing so dramatic... they just died out. Malus and his men just kept cutting them down, from the tallest tree to the smallest sapling, they were all fed into his saw mills. Then one day, there weren't any trees left, but he was rich enough that he could buy his way into the mining business where he's made yet another killing." Edward explained calmly.
"You don't say, I'm already starting to suspect that Malus Sceleris must have made quite a few killings to wind up where he is today. Still, if that was a while ago, wouldn't all the saw mills be abandoned for lack of anything to use them on, wouldn't the trees have come back? Did Malus take the time dig up all their seeds?" The silver haired man asked in a voice torn between sarcasm and the sort of a horrific sensation that occurs in a man's stomach when he realizes his sarcastic question might be answered in the affirmative.
"Where would the profit have been in that? There are still a few small mills for when we buy lumber from other places, but I think the real reason there are no trees in Nosos is simply that whenever rain falls in Nosos it is... acid rain I think is the term our university boys use for it. Stuff is not good for plants at all, that's probably why no new trees have grown. Well that and the green tax." The sick man replied.
"Green tax?" Alexander gasped, certain that he wasn't going to like what he heard next.
"If there is one solid rule in Nosos; it's that a man's worth can only be measured by what he produces. Land should be the same way. Stone brick and mortar just sit there and don't require anything so they don't need to be penalized. On the other hand, 'green land', flower gardens and the like, they have to be fed, but they don't produce anything, so whoever owns them have to pay a tax to the city.
It's used to help pay for medical research that helps everyone. I don't begrudge having to pay a few dozen gold coins for my own little garden, not when the city has done so much for me. It was originally passed under Mayor Jorge who most people will agree was the best mayor the city ever had." Edward told Alexander, oblivious to the way that his guest was taking the news.
Alexander didn't say anything after Edward finished talking, he just stood there in silence, completely still except for the way that his fingers twitched.
"I must say though, we've gone a bit far afield of where this conversation originally started haven't we? What does all of this have to do with the Core?" The black haired man eventually reminded Alexander trying to start up the conversation again.
"Nothing, nothing at all, I was just going to tell you of the wonders of the Core, but it seems like you're already familiar enough with them. If it is true that Nosos is connected to various parts of the Core every so often then we'll probably be going as soon as it happens again." Alexander said calmly as he turned to leave.
Seeing that his guest planned to depart Edward Resten pounded a fist against his bed.
"No! You really should stay in Nosos for a while. There's something about you, can't say quite what, but I can tell you've got a keener mind than most.
You should try your hand in Nosos, I promise you, it's the only place where a self made man can really get the respect he deserves! There's no justice in the world if someone who can achieve great things is forced to scrape and bow to those who have never accomplished anything!
Tell you what... I'm in no shape to run a business. I could sell what I own to you at a discount, after all nobody is going to pay me what it is really worth now, not when they could just wait for the Fever to have its way with my mind." Edward offered.
"I'll think about it." Alexander promised before he abruptly exited the room.
XXX XXX XXX
"What are you doing?" Florence Bastien demanded sternly.
"Thinking." Alexander Diamondclaw answered at once.
"With Wolfclaw drawn?" Florence asked, even though the answer was obvious.
Alexander's sword was free of its sheath and held in one hand, balanced across his knees at the moment.
"I needed, I still need to think for a very long time." Alexander replied his voice utterly devoid of emotion.
"No, what you need to do is talk. More the point, you need to talk after sheathing Wolfclaw." The dryad insisted.
Alexander slowly turned his single eye upon her, but Florence stood firm against a glower that even James Firecat might have shied away from.
Slowly a pair of black gloved hands guided a shinning blade back into its sheath. Only once the blade had completed its journey did Florence take a seat next to Alexander.
"I thought you had grown beyond 'thinking' with Wolfclaw." She pointed out in a voice that wasn't so much hurt or angry as sad.
"That makes two of us." Alexander admitted.
Florence reached out and grabbed Alexander's eye patch.
"You're not getting this back until you explain what is bothering you." The dryad insisted.
A pair of mismatched eyes gazed at out from out of Alexander Diamondclaw's face.
"Edward offered to sell me his business. Part of me wanted to accept, not just to make sure he gets a fair price for it, but because businessmen seem to be the only ones with any real power in Nosos.
Except that I don't trust myself with that sort of power, especially not over so many people. I can do a good job with a five. With five, I know everything about them and they know everything about me. Give me fifty though..." Alexander simply let that particular sentence trail off into utter silence.
"Even if you had fifty, five hundred, or even five thousand, you'd still have five, you'd still have me. I've spent too much time cultivating my favorite silver rose to let it go astray now." Florence promised him.
"Do you think that I'm a better man now than when we first met?" Alexander wanted, needed to know.
"A better man? Not really.
You've got an ego larger than an elder treent, you lie almost as much as Mirri does, if you're not being smugly superior then you're probably acting hopelessly morose, and when you sleep you make a sound that would have long ago convinced any woman without the patience of a tree to smother you with a pillow.
As a wolf though, I think you've made marked improvements: you've loyal, you're fierce, you devote yourself fully to the hunt, and most importantly, you've never failed to provide for your pack.
As a man, Alexander Diamondclaw you're a sub par at best, as a wolf, well you're nearly divine." Florence told him.
"Nearly?" Alexander snapped back, said larger than an elder treent ego mightily offended.
Then his voice took a turn for the serious.
"There's something wrong with Nosos that can't be solved with teeth or claws, no matter how sharp." Alexander warned her.
"I know. I've never been somewhere as far removed from the touch of Gaia as this place is. Still, if you can't use your teeth, why don't you try solving it with your tongue?" Florence suggested as she placed the eyepatch back over his right eye
"I really don't deserve you." Alexander reflected.
"At least you admit it." Florence smiled back.
XXX XXX XXX
"Devi, I said that if I was going to buy Sir Resten's business then I would need to know what exactly he was offering us. Be a good Beta and run through these books and condense it into something I can follow. If you need help ask your mate, he's always loved counting coins, now is his chance to do it on a truly grand scale." Alexander advised, sliding several ledgers across the table to Devi Skye.
XXX XXX XXX
A few hours later her findings were ready.
"We're richer than he is. I don't mean 'we' collectively either, I mean each of us individually has more in the way of total assets than Edward Resten, except for James.
Though that is assuming Mirri would be willing to sell her paintings in Dementlieu or someplace similar. My point is, due to our history of acquiring noticeable windfalls of profit combined with a lack of major expenses, well it all adds up quite nicely over time.
What really takes us over the top though was the money we recently acquired from Yagno Petrovna and the now extinct Church of Zhakata.
As for the business itself, Resten Jewelery at the moment consists of one small, but quite profitable store, and a mine along with attached facilities for prettying up the base gems that come out of said mine. He also has some established contacts with other mines to purchase lumps of raw silver or gold so that they can be crafted into jewelery.
Baring the mine itself suddenly going dry, or rich people suddenly all deciding that they no longer like to wear shiny things it seems a pretty sound investment.
Granted for the investment to pay off we'd either need to stay in Nosos for a while or find someone to run the business for us and drop off our share of the earnings with various people we trust across the Core." Devi explained to the group with an almost casual air.
"Well I suppose we're going to stay in Nosos for a while then." Alexander declared with a shrug.
"I'm not talking about weeks, I'm talking about months, possibly eve a year just for us to break even." Devi pointed out, just to make the time frame she was talking about abundantly clear.
"As long as it takes." Alexander replied, still unruffled by the news.
"An entire year? Boss, you do realize that we normally blow into a domain, do something to upset the local darklord, give him what for, and leave, all inside a week most of the time? Are you sure you want to spend a year in one realm, especially this one?" Cal protested.
"If I can find a way to stand the smell so can you. Besides Beta, you'll finally get a chance to focus your attention no making money rather than nearly being killed day in day out. By all rights you should be begging me to stay!" Alexander shot back.
"Why? You want us to devote an entire year of our lives to just one place, and it's so small James and I could still see each other on opposite sides of it. Not only that, but you heard Edward, there aren't any monsters, what am I supposed to do for fun?" Mirri Catwarrior protested.
Alexander responded by wrapping an arm around Mirri's shoulder, an action that for him was unusual enough to instantly have her on edge.
"You want to know why Nosos Mirri? Because I'm starting to think that there is a sickness here, a sickness not of the body like Elevens, not of the mind like Dum-Dum Fever, but a sickness of the soul.
A sickness that we can either stamp out here and now, or we can expect to watch it spread to the rest of the Core sooner or later. Maybe not tomorrow, maybe not in a year, maybe not in a decade, but tell me, how long do you plan to live for?
Edward told me that Nosos attracts merchants from other lands, what happens when those merchants decide that rather than move to Nosos... they'll just bring the things that make Nosos so 'great' to their own homelands instead?
Borca will be the first I'm sure of it, after that Dementlieu, then Lamordia. Jacqueline Renier may well be able to keep it from happening to Richemulot, or maybe she'll have died of old age when it happens. Vlad Drakov will love it, if he can be made to understand it.
We've never been sent someplace by the Mists without a reason, and I'd be willing to bet all the money Devi just talked about that this is the reason for us coming to Nosos. We're here to stop this now while it can still be stopped." Alexander insisted before releasing Mirri from his grip.
She immediately began to rub the shoulder in question as Alexander had been gripping so tightly.
"I get that part, but you still haven't told me what I'm supposed to do for fun." She pouted.
"Well for a start you can head out around town and introduce yourself to as many people as possible. Be your normal charming self and discover whatever you can, then pass it along to Devi. Some things just don't change, I still need to know who is in control of what, how they maintain control of it, their strengths, their weaknesses." Alexander ordered.
"That might take me about a week, what comes next?" Mirri shot back.
"Ask me in a week. In the meantime, James keep her company, you've always been good at stopping one another from getting distracted." The silver haired man nonchalantly answered.
James Firecat instantly saluted with his left hand and bobbed his head in agreement drawing closer to Mirri and taking over the task of rubbing her shoulder.
"Now then, before I get started on anything else, I've got something important to tell you. Even leaving aside the issues of how long we plan to stay here, there is going to be another big difference you all have to be aware of. I do not handle power over large groups of people well, the last time I had it, I went a little bit crazy... mistakes were made." Alexander admitted.
"You doing something 'crazy' Boss? Why I couldn't even begin to imagine what you're talking about." The blond haired man gushed in mock shock and horror.
"Yes, I know I'm normally the very image of restraint." Alexander replied matching Cal's sarcasm like for like.
Seeing that he'd failed to get a rise out of his commander the Lamordian switched to sincerity, or at least something approaching it.
"Look on the bright side Boss, unless you actually catch Dum-Dum Fever the odds of you going crazy are pretty low. Insanity is something that happens to poor people, you'll just be eccentric." He advised.
"I'll keep that in mind. By the way Cal... you have more experience with 'civilization' that I do. If I'm going to be spending a lot of time in Nosos then I have to look the part. I want you to help me pick out a new outfit." Alexander admitted.
"Clothes shopping, wheee, that'll be fun." The alchemist "cheered" in a completely monotone voice.
XXX XXX XXX
"To start with, I'm going to need one of those fancy head things that Edward was wearing..."
"A top hat."
XXX XXX XXX
"Next, I'll have to get a new black coat, one that looks a little more 'professional' and a little less 'professional soldier' if you follow my meaning."
"Morning coat."
"Yes, and see if they can make the buttons out of silver and stylize them to look like the full moon."
"They're buttons, they're already round, I'm not sure how much more moon like they can be..."
"But you'll ask?"
XXX XXX XXX
"Next up, one of those flapping neck thingies, though I'm not sure exactly what purpose they're supposed to serve."
"A tie, and honestly neither am I."
XXX XXX XXX
"If I'm going to run a business I'm going to need one of those fancy portable sunless sundials you have."
"A time piece."
"I want it made out of silver. Also, see if they can get me a silent one, the noises yours makes drives me up a wall sometimes."
"Boss, I have some heart breaking news for you..."
XXX XXX XXX
"One of those half glasses on a string I've seen people wearing..."
"Monocle, but Boss you have perfect vision."
"I'll wear it over my right eye."
"You'll wear a monocle... over your eye patch... Doesn't that defeat the entire point of having one?"
"No, the point of me having one is to tell people I'm rich."
XXX XXX XXX
"Then I'll need one of those fancy small walking sticks."
"A cane."
"Yes, and its handle should be a snarling wolf's head, in silver."
XXX XXX XXX
"Cufflinks?"
"Silver wolf paws."
XXX XXX XXX
"Oooh they have eye patches with designs painted on them, never even thought of that..."
"Let me guess, you'd like one with a silver wolf?"
"Lets see if they have a discount if you buy in bulk."
XXX XXX XXX
"Tie clip?"
"Crescent moon."
"Silver, right?"
"Don't be silly, that has to be in gold."
XXX XXX XXX
"Finally for the pièce de résistance..."
"I wish you'd resist..."
"What was that Beta?"
"Nothing..."
"I'll need a belt buckle. I want something classy that says 'I'm so rich I could have just hired a comely maiden to walk around holding my pants up' to everyone."
"Don't worry, something tells me this place probably sells a lot of those..."
"In the shape of a wolf breaking free of chains. In silver."
"You know Boss it'd probably be easier just to paint 'why yes I am a werewolf' on your new hat if you wanted to make it so blindly obvious."
"What do you mean? What sane werewolf would ever even think about wearing this much silver?"
"How about 'why yes I am a wolfwere' then?"
"That's a fair point. Excuse me sir, do you know where it'd be possible to buy jewelery made out of cold iron?
In this very store you say? What superb selection!"
XXX XXX XXX
"Ladies and Lycanthrope, Madams and Monsters, may I present to you, the new 'civilized' and not the least bit insane Alexander Diamondclaw." Cal deadpanned before gesturing towards an empty doorway.
Alexander Diamondclaw walked through it.
If he'd stepped onto a stage to play the part of a businessman with more wealth than common sense or morals the audience would have hurled produce at him for trying to turn the production into a farce.
James Firecat applauded enthusiastically.
"They say that there hasn't been a wolf in Nosos for decades... I say that means it's well past time they made a resurgence." Alexander declared with a predatory bearing of his fangs.
End Chapter
AN: Please remember that Alexander Diamondclaw is a Chaotic Good, and of the "good is not nice" school. He will not hesitate to use "Jedi Truths" or even out and out lie to NPCs, even the ones he likes.
He is however pretty much perfectly honest with the group (especially Florence) preferring to just say nothing at all on subjects he find awkward/unpleasant when talking with them.
Also, as originally written Nosos can only show up at the border of lands that have a misty border, but misty borders are pretty rare in "modern" (as in the current cannon not the level of technological advancement) Ravenloft.
So instead I'm going to have Nosos work by just suddenly showing up on the border of another domain, temporarily pushing back whatever used to be there to the other side of Nosos.
There are all kinds of geographic/tectonic reasons why that should create quite a few problems, but I'll assume that much like how the Discworld never runs out of water, "arrangements are made" by the Dark Powers to keep Nosos' arrival from causing such upsets.
It may be self congratulatory, but I don't think I've ever found any scene quite so blatantly humerus/amusing in any of the Monster Party stories I've written is the description (or lack there of) of Cal and Alex shopping for clothing.
If these stories were being told in a visual medium we'd probably only be seeing their silhouettes through various store front windows while Alex acquires an ever growing numbers of bags/parcels as he collects everything that catches his eye, and we'd have no idea what he looks like until he reveals himself to the rest of the group.
This not being a visual medium, I just dropped the "tags" that normally follow after someone's line or even any kind of narration. I just let the dialogue speak for itself, even going so far as to "mute" anyone else they might possibly be talking with and simply show Alex's reaction to them in the last segment. I'm not sure if "cold iron jewelery" is a thing you can buy in real life, but it probably is in D&D when you never know if you'll need to beat a Fey/Wolfwere to death with your belt.
Also if you're wondering why Alex wants the tie clip made out of gold rather than silver, it's because he's effectively doing some long distance /cross domain trolling of Alfred Timothy, one of Ravenloft's most famous werewolves who always wears a golden amulet in the shape of a crescent moon around his throat regardless of what shape he takes. Alex and Alfred have never met, but Alfred is famous enough (in story at least) as the other silver furred werewolf that Alex knows about him.
If you can't tell/guess Alex is not vulnerable to gold, silver or cold iron. He does have his vulnerabilities, (in fact if you've been paying close attention you may have already spotted one) but fear of them is unlikely to influence his choice of attire.