Monster Party Novella Nosos: But what happens when the gears, get sick of the machine?
Chapter Eight: From bias free of any kind, this trial must be tried.
There was a soft knocking at the door. When it was not answered the knocking got a louder.
When it was still not answered, it became so forceful as to suggest that the somewhat rickety door might be knocked clean off its hinges soon. Now it was finally answered by a short man who had obviously been too tired to even to wash the soot out of his hair before going to sleep.
"Yes?" He whimpered, finding himself face to face with three much taller men with clean blond hair.
"We're here for the rent." One of them declared briskly.
"I rent this house from Alexander Diamondclaw, not you..." The short man insisted timidly while pointing to a silver armband he was wearing that said "Timothy Jackson, Omega" in black ink.
The three men broke into a series of mocking guffaws before their leader seized Timothy by the throat and lifted him into the air.
"Alexander Diamondclaw ain't here to collect, I am." He sneered.
WHUMP!
A huge silver furred beast that looked like a cross between man and wolf combining the most predatory aspects of both landed in the streets right next to the trio of extortionists.
"I am here to collect, you..." It announced in a surprisingly cultured voice.
Timothy Jackson fell to the ground, the hand that had been holding him so fiercely only a moment ago now suddenly limp with fright.
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"You know that could have gone a lot worse boss..." One blond haired bandit reflected.
"Shut up Bob." Their leader demanded.
"I mean, we're all still alive, we've all still got two eyes, ten fingers ten toes..." Bob insisted, trying to look on the bright side of things.
"Shut up Bob!" Their leader repeated.
"I thought we were gonna be goners for sure, but instead here we are, all of us are gonna live to see another sunrise, even if it is upside down. Who would have suspected a gigantic wolf monster like that would be so good with knots?" He continued on all the same.
"SHUT UP BOB!" Both of his companions bellowed at him as the trio of thieves awkwardly swung back and forth, bound hand and foot and hung upside down from a lamppost outside the Nosos Prison for Industrial Wreckers, (the only facility for incarceration in the land). Each one of them bore a piece of paper with the word "THIEF" (written in a large and somewhat unsteady hand) adhesively attached to their outfit.
It was at this point that Bob finally (and wisely) chose to shut up.
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Suffice it to say, if a certain trio of bandits were not having the best of nights, Armand Hobert awoke to discover he was not going to be having the best of days.
There hadn't been much call for his particular skills recently and for the most part he simply let the gears spin as they would, money arriving at his doorstep sooner or later.
Today though, today he'd actually have to work. Which meant taking a carriage into, well Nosos was one giant city, but some parts of it were more city than others, and the location of its jail was even city-er than most.
After a few people checked the necessary pieces of paper (hardly necessary since everyone who was anyone in Nosos' legal community knew his face) he was given a chance to meet privately with his newest clients.
He quickly reassured them that despite their rough night they didn't really have anything to fear. Pieces of paper being affixed to one's garments by oversized lupine monsters was no basis for properly determining guilt or innocence in the eyes of the law.
For them to even possibly go to trial there would need to be someone willing to press charges, and once it was made clear that Armand Hobert had vowed to defend them, that person would need to have some very deep pockets to even think about such a thing.
Justice in Nosos was like food or wine, rich people ordered it whenever the desire struck them, and poor people had to make do with whatever scraps they could find. So long as thieves only preyed upon those who had little enough already, they were utterly safe from prosecution.
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"My name is Alexander Diamondclaw, I'm here to press charges against some bandits you've recently captured." The silver haired man declared, gently leaning on his on his cane all the while.
The jailer looked at him askance.
"You're telling me that someone was able to steal from you, and you expect us to have picked them up by random chance?" He inquired derisively.
"It is my understanding that three men within your cells by the names of Fredrick Hanson, Henry Paterson, and Bob Kovich were responsible for attempting to commit crimes against an employee of Amalgamated Diamonds and thus against me by extension.
In particular, by stealing money from one of my workers they were depriving him of the means to keep himself properly fed, thus inevitably decreasing his physical strength and the amount of work I'd be able get out of him.
Secondly, by causing him mental stress with their various illegal behaviors they increased the chances that he'd make a mistake in my mine, and mistakes inside a mine can end up costing its owner more than a bandit could ever hope to possibly steal from a single miner.
Which is why it is my intention to see them punished for their crimes to the fullest extent of the law. My original plan involved turning them upside down, shaking them, then laying claim to anything that fell out, but my legal council Mr. Von Karma informs me that Nosos has yet more punitive measures available." Alexander explained.
There was a soft sparkle as light struck the blue lenses that rested across Callan Von Karma's face.
He was dressed in a deep purple suit coat with a black vest on underneath it, and fancy white cravat. The only way he could have looked more ready to prosecute crimes would have involved a mask, lockpicks, and crowbar.
"Of the Lamordian Von Karmas." Cal explained, handing over small piece of paper with his name artfully written upon it above the words "Von Karma & Skye & Firecat & Associates" in the same playfully precises script.
"After inspecting the legal precedents related to this matter, I realized that in Nosos the proper punishment for such an offense would be to have the criminals forced to pay quite a large fine, or shipped off to a workhouse where their wages would be heavily garnished and redistributed to Mr. Diamondclaw." Cal explained, displaying his own best predatory grin all the while.
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"What do you think you're doing?" Armand Hobert blustered in anger.
He'd been about halfway through giving his traditional reassuring speech when word had come down that Alexander Diamondclaw, an Owner of all things, intended to press charges against the accused thieves.
He had not taken the news extraordinarily well, and immediately headed out to find out what exactly was going on.
Alexander took one look at the older man in a black and white morning coat but and began to speak but Cal made an abrupt hand motion.
Deferring to his companion's greater knowledge in this particular arena Alexander kept silent, and let his dirty blond haired beta do the talking.
"A pleasure to meet you Mr. Hobert. Would I be correct to assume that you intend to defend the accused?" Cal asked with icy politeness.
One brisk nod later, he continued.
"Well, as I already explained to the jailer, Mr. Diamondclaw is the primary owner of Amalgamated Diamonds. The greater success of that company is reliant upon the lesser success of its employees. Lesser successes like being able to get a proper night's rest without fear of extortion.
A crime that in any way inconveniences an employee of Amalgamated Diamonds is a crime that inconveniences Mr. Diamondclaw. So, he is seeing to it that those who seek to illegally undermine his business are punished. That's what the law exists for in the first place isn't it?" Cal explained, before taking a moment to remove his glasses and polish their already clean lenses.
"You really think they're guilty then?" Armand replied incredulously.
"You really think they're innocent?" Callan Von Karma shot back before he and Alexander departed.
XXX XXX XXX
"Welcome to Callan Von Karma's Pretrial Services." Cal declared proudly as he stood before another of Devi's many string covered boards.
"You know, if you wanted to use your maternal name you should have put it down on the papers we signed when buying Resten Jewelery." Devi pointed out.
The alchemist turned attorney was mightily insulted by this suggestion.
"Listen Devi, it's not about presenting myself as a noble, it's about family tradition! Do you know how proud of me mom would be if I wrote her a letter saying that I now had a flawless one case one conviction record?
Okay she'd probably call me a fool for taking this long and wasting my time prosecuting something so far below my station rather than a proper murder case, but that's neither here nor there.
What matters is that the Von Karma name stands for two important things in the legal community: the first is a peerless dedication to the cause of prosecution, the second is cheating, lots and lots of cheating.
Granted most of the latter was because of grandad who was hung well before I was even born, but reputations can be tricky things to shake." Cal explained.
"How exactly did he 'cheat' at a trial, isn't the point of a trial to show off all the evidence and thus the truth will always win out?" James Firecat asked in confusion.
"Lets just say my grandfather's cane/walking stick was also a cane/walking stick/wand of lightning bolts, and he once emptied the entire thing into dad before stealing some evidence from him." Cal admitted, his face flushing slightly.
"Still, the Von Karma name has struck fear into the hearts of the guilty and those who defended them throughout all of Lamordian history! In fact, we were doing it even before crazy old man Mordenheim was born!
Today, I am proud to carry on that tradition!
Now, the good news is that we all objectively know that the accused are guilty. That's a big plus, but we can't rest on our laurels expecting that alone, or even it combined with my impeccable fashion sense to get us a conviction.
No, ancient Von Karma tradition teaches that you must approach a trial the same way you approach a battle. You must be aware that the outcome can frequently be decided before the event itself begins!
Which is why you're all here, just like it is necessary to build fortifications or harry a foe's supply lines before an actual battle, certain steps have to be taken before our trial even begins. I happen to have a lifetime's worth of stories about how various people have tried to cheat trials, so its my job to foresee what tricks our foe will attempt and take precautions to thwart him at every turn.
Remember, it isn't cheating, not real cheating, if they're actually guilty, it is just creative justice!" Callan Von Karma declared decisively.
XXX XXX XXX
"You will still be able to get us out of this... right?" Demanded Fredrick Hanson, looking through a small gap in an otherwise stout iron door.
The three of them had originally been kept locked up simply as a curiosity and probably would have been let go in a day or so. Now that an Owner had declared his interest in prosecuting them though, they had been transferred into three separate cells.
"Your employer keeps me on retainer for exactly these situations. Besides, he'll be doing as much before the trial as I will during it to ensure your freedom. To start with, for them to even have a case they'll need find someone willing to say that you personally threatened them. My understanding is that working in a mine is a very dangerous business, people die all the time..." Armand Hobert reflected.
XXX XXX XXX
"Mr. Jackson, welcome to Chateau Argent, you'll be staying here for the foreseeable future. Your wages will be payed in full as my honored guest. The only thing I request is that you don't don't leave unless you're accompanied by at least one Alphas. Feel free to ring the bell if there's anything my servants can get you."
XXX XXX XXX
"Then to make the matter more than simple hearsay they'd need to find some proof that you were actually threatening him..."
XXX XXX XXX
"By the way, your garments will be returned to you just as soon as Mr. Wright is finished fingerprinting them, I hope you don't mind having to make do with some of my spares till then."
XXX XXX XXX
"Not to mention other witnesses to the crime itself..."
XXX XXX XXX
"Practice makes perfect so we better get started. Ahem, Ms. Catwarrior what were you doing out on the night which lead to you observing the altercation in question?"
"Exchanging bodily fluids of an intimate nature with James Firecat on the roof of a nearby building."
"Any particular reason you went to that building in the first place?"
"I'd heard someone was going to get the shit kicked out of them, and the only thing I like better than watching that is doing it myself."
"Well, it's a start..."
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"Besides, as you should all be aware, Nosos' head Judge is a great friend of mine..."
XXX XXX XXX
"How do you do your honor? I'm Mirri Catwarrior, the most beautiful woman in the city."
"Yes... yes you are..."
XXX XXX XXX
"They would probably need to find still more witnesses to collaborate your crimes and establish a pattern..."
XXX XXX XXX
"Excuse me good sir, my name is Alexander Diamondclaw, have you by any chance been threatened by any of the following men in the recent past..."
XXX XXX XX
"So as you can see, you really don't have a lot to worry about..." Just as Armand Hobert was getting up to leave, Callan Von Karma walked in, with a wide smile on his face, accompanied by six jailers.
"You know it is both amazing and horrifying how few legal protections Renters accused by an Owner get. So your client is going to do exactly as I say and give me a good clean finger print sample. Otherwise, I'll just have these men hold his hands still. I'd highly suggest you advise them cooperate, since my current companions don't exactly seem the gentle type." The prosecutor explained.
XXX XXX XXX
"OBJECTION!'
XXX XXX XXX
"HOLD IT!"
XXX XXX XXX
"OBJECTION!"
XXX XXX XXX
"TAKE THAT!"
XXX XXX XXX
1: Give him a moment to compose himself.
2: A flawless conviction record requires a prosecutor of flawless conviction. Crush him! -
XXX XXX XXX
"OBJECTION!"
XXX XXX XXX
"EUREKA!"
XXX XXX XXX
"OBJECTION!"
XXX XXX XXX
1: Dad would be ashamed of me if he saw me acting like this...
2: But Mom, on the other hand... she'd buy me an ice cream! -
XXX XXX XX
"O-B-J-E-C-T-I-O-N!"
XXX XXX XXX
"Having considers all the evidence presented to the court, I have come to my conclusion. I hereby find the defendants guilty!" The judge declared while slamming his gavel down hard.
Considerable unrestrained cheering broke out from the prosecution side of the courtroom, especially given the fact that at the moment James Firecat was happily throwing handfuls of confetti he'd spent last night preparing.
The judge in an amazing show of stoicism seemingly did not find this worth commenting on. Instead, he simply rapped his gavel down a second time and continued as if several pieces of confetti hadn't already landed atop his black robe.
"For their crimes against Amalgamated Diamonds the accused will have to pay a fine of 1,000 gold pieces. Payment to take place with in a month. Court is dismissed!" He brought the gavel down again with great solemnity, willing himself deaf and blind and deaf to the certain shouts of triumph and joy, especially those that began "GIVE ME A G, GIVE ME A U..."
XXX XXX XXX
"Was a pleasure prosecuting against you." Callan Von Karma told Armand Hobert outside the court room.
"Tell me, did you come by such a smug expression naturally, or do you have to work at it?" The defeated lawyer replied.
"Little from column A, little from column B. The Von Karma bloodline is known for our excellent smirks, but practice makes perfect. By the way, since you clearly have a few things left to learn, let me give you some advice, get out, now." Cal informed the older man.
"Ha! Do you really think one tiny little defeat makes that much of a difference? This was just a pathetic little trial and those people were nothing but pathetic little thieves. I was only doing his because even the guilty, especially the guilty, deserve the best defense possible." Armand Hobert insisted.
"I'm not going to say you're wrong, so in the nature of small things, allow me to present my 'little' bill." The purple clad prosecutor said while pulling out a sheet of paper and handing it to his opponent.
Armand Hobert's eyes carefully scanned the piece of paper, then went wide when they got to the bottom.
"You can't be serious..." He snarled while crumpling up the piece of paper.
"Oh I'm entirely serious, and that bill is entirely legal. I had one of my assistants run the numbers on how much wealth we normally acquire over a given period of time, then plug those numbers into how long we spent working on the trial, and that's the bill you end up with.
The law in Nosos is quite clear on this particular point, the loosing side in a court case, their representation included, is responsible for paying off the winning side's legal fees. You represented those men, you lost, so you'll pay that fee." Cal insisted with a confident sneer.
"I'll... I'll..." Armand began while waving the bill in Cal's face, but not quite certain what he would actually do.
"You'll bluster a lot and say nothing of value, just like you did back in the courtroom? Believe me, I was as surprised bordering on shocked when I discovered that there weren't any provisions for challenging the legal costs levied on the looser after a trial.
It seems that whoever wrote those particular laws were suffering from a remarkable lack of foresight, that or they simply couldn't imagine themselves loosing a case. You'll be paying that bill inside a month, or you'll be shipped of to a workhouse, just like your clients." Callan Von Karma pointed out.
"Do you know who some of my friends are?" Armand Hobert hissed.
"Convicted Criminals?" Cal guessed playfully.
"Do please remember Mr. Hobert, I'm an Owner. Any crime against me, is the highest sort of crime in Nosos.
So go ahead, have your 'friends' do their worst, they won't be the first to have tried and failed to take me down. They'll get captured in the act, you'll be forced to defend them, we'll be getting another judgment in our favor, and you'll be getting another 'little' legal bill.
That's why I'll repeat my advice, get, out, now. You can do that today while you're still a rich man, or you can let yourself get dragged into court case after court case against me, loosing more and more of your money, and making yourself look like more and more of a failure in the eyes of your 'friends' with every guilty verdict.
It'll be interesting to see what happens first, you run out of money, or they run out of patience." Cal pointed out.
Armand Hobert could find nothing to say, but he simply turned and walked out. Before he could leave the courthouse proper however he ran into Alexander Diamondclaw who was leaning against the wall by the place's main exit.
"If you ever feel like retiring from the active business life in Nosos, well I gave Edward Resten very reasonable terms. I'd be willing to do the same for you. Not only that, but as Mr. Timothy Jackson can attest, there's nowhere safer in Nosos that Chateau Argent..." He offered, though Armand Hobert acted as if he hadn't even heard the words.
XXX XXX XXX
Armand Hobert returned to his mansion and said nothing to his servants who fluttered around him trying to do whatever they could to lighten his mood less he take out his obvious ill-temper on them. Armand dismissed them one and all and headed into his private chambers to get some sleep.
After fishing a key from his jacket and opening up the magically locked door he slowly walked in and ignited a small lantern so he didn't accidentally trip over something.
That was when he discovered that someone had somehow snuck into the room while he was out.
The words "We are upset, very upset" had been scrawled on the wall beside his bed, in blood.
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"Are you sure using blood wasn't overdoing it?" Cal Wright couldn't help but ask.
Mirri Catwarrior simply shrugged.
"Like I told you guys back at the first meeting, I only have so many tools at my disposal. Besides, the rat James got for me didn't have anywhere near as much of the stuff as I would have liked. I was going to end it with an exclamation point, but by the time I got to the second 's' it was running dry, so I concluded it without even a period." The vampiress explained.
"I made sure to kill it by breaking its neck, I wanted you to have as much to work with as possible!" James helpfully pipped up.
"I think the important take away from this is, next time I'll bring two rats." Mirri insisted.
"Judging by the carriage heading our way I'm doubt there will need to be a next time..." Cal predicted cheerfully.
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"Mr. Hobert what a surprise! Welcome Chateau Argent, shall we get down to business negotiating the transfer of those food contracts you currently have with Darkon?" Inquired Alexander Diamondclaw.
End Chapter.
AN: The very first thing that might leap out at you, are some of Cal's mental thoughts (themselves adapter from a line in Leverage) an anachronism? Well not really, it's impossible to nail down exactly when ice cream first came around, but a quick google says it's been around a lot longer than you might think. Given that there are some examples of it dating back to the revolutionary war, it's not especially outlandish to imagine that it is a treat of choice in Lamordia the Core's coldest domain.
In theory there probably should have been a scene where Alex goes to visit Timothy in person and be all "I heard there was some sort of weird disturbance around your house last night, do you want to tell me anything about it" before he goes to prosecute the case, or even a scene Timothy coming to him beforehand and talking about how he was being menaced and Alex promising him to take care of it. Neither scene felt necessary though, especially when the last chapter closed with them taking a more open ended look at the criminals connected one way or another to Armand Hobert. I mean, did you feel something was missing by leaving those scenes out? (Serious question interested in feedback)
Next up, yes I'm relaying this entire trial by way of Phoenix Wrightisms. I don't know nearly enough about how trials work in real life let alone how they work in Nosos to write one up properly. Not only that, but I really, REALLY doubt that you folks would find it amusing/interesting to actually read about everything that takes place during the actual trial.
So instead, having clearly established that since Cal is quite familiar with the history and prosecuting strategy of Manfred Von Karma (who is pretty much the gold standard for being an amoral attorney who gets results) that then combined with growing up on the stories of every single case his father ever defended, or his mother ever prosecuted, he knows most of the ways people try to game the system.
With those great reservoirs of knowledge at his disposal he makes sure that during the "Pretrial Services" segment to set up counters for all of his opponents most likely moves. Likewise he undoes most of Armand's influence over the case's judge by having Mirri hang out with him socially and repeatedly use her charm gaze attack on him.
By the time the trial itself starts he's more or less equally biased in favor of both sides of the case, which if not exactly the same thing as being impartial, is close enough for what Cal has planned.
If any of this seems unethical, are you terrible surprised given that this is Cal's plan? A pair of lines paraphrased from the movie Runaway Jury could pretty much equally sum up the situation.
Armand Hobert: How did you do it? How did you swing the judge, swing the whole courtroom your way?
Cal: I didn't swing anybody. I just stopped you from stealing it.
Cal is after all, entirely correct that Armand had no desire to play fair in the court and given that the justice system in Nosos is inherently corrupt and favoring the rich, he decided to find a way to make that corruption work for him/the group.
If I took this story a little less seriously (and felt the technology level was right) I might have included a scene where they wheeled back out the big board and Cal Wright proudly took a pair of scissors to the black string connecting Malus Sceleris and Armand Hobert with all the gravitas of a government official now declaring a new bridge /shopping mall officially open, though in this case it represents one of Malus' conduits of power being officially closed.
It's never officially described exactly how organized the crime is in Nosos, and exactly what kind of relationship Armand has with said organized crime (remember, I'm working from fannon material here folks, so now "you get what you pay for" twice over, first in the writing of the over all material and then my adapting it into a story) but I'm going to assume that like just about every mob lawyer who ever existed, he has to be at least a little afraid of what might happen if his unsavory 'friends' decide that he isn't getting them the verdicts they need and knows entirely too much.
It helps that in the fannon material Armand is depicted as being the oldest/least actively involved of Malus' half a dozen major players in Nosos, so obviously he'd be the easiest one to convince to get out of "the game" in favor of a safe quite boring life. After all, even in Nosos, regardless of what the Accomplishment Dogma might say, you can't take it with you and dying atop a pile of gold coins of unnatural causes is still dying of unnatural causes.
By the way, if you didn't catch it, yes when Cal's prosecution outfit is pretty much exactly what Miles Edgeworth wears in the first Ace Attorney Game give or take the glasses, though by Dual Destiny's Miles actually has picked up a pair of lenses himself, though probably for the opposite reason that Cal does.