Day 16

Prompt: Unrequited love

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Josie doesn't belong to her and never will, it's as simple as that.

She's always watched from afar, watching the prize she wants but never being able to reach out and grab it. Josephine is beautiful and kind, a woman many people would snatch up in a heartbeat if they had the chance. Although Josephine doesn't know, Leliana has always tried her best to keep these suitors away. Always just waiting and watching, hoping one day her Josie will realise that what they have isn't just mere friendship.

Leliana's aware she can be manipulative, and honestly just not the best person. But she always tries her hardest. She doesn't know what her feelings are, who to love, what to do. It's all such a mess but she knows she wants Josephine more than anything else. All that's important to her is making sure Josie is safe and secure, she wont let anyone hurt someone she cares about this much. But does she love her? Leliana's not entirely sure.

Since her first love sacrificed themselves she's felt numb and confused to what her feelings mean. She's been afraid to become attached once again, living her life always scared of losing someone who means so much. She's scared, terrified, always nervous about getting too close but tries not to show it. She needs to be strong and driven to the cause of the inquisition but sometimes her heart gets in the way of her heads thoughts. All it takes is one lingering look at Josephine and she's distracted for a whole day. She realises that maybe the easiest way to sort this situation is to leave an never come back, but she could never abandon the inquisition like that for her own selfish gain.

So she stays away and she continues to watch. She makes her observations, noting down who goes to visit Josephine and how many times a day this happens. Of course she doesn't do this all herself, she has her scouts stationed in the great hall outside Josephine's office ready to report anything they see.

It's several weeks after they've arrived at Skyhold that Leliana realises to her horror that the inquisitor is Josephine's most common visitor. At first she thinks nothing of it, after all the inquisitor comes to see her on a daily basis too. It's only when she gets a report from one of her scouts of what their conversations consist of that Leliana's heart skips a beat and she feels that horrible dread in her stomach. She feels as though she's about to be sick and quickly dismisses the young man back to his post so she can be alone.

It's soon after that that she see's the inquisitor and Josie walking through the gardens arm in arm. Josephine has the biggest smile on her face and Leliana's heart sinks instead of picking up like it usually does when she see's her Josie's smile.

She supposes she should stop referring to Josephine as hers since she obviously isn't anymore. Not that she ever was, or ever will be. That's the part that makes Leliana feel as though she now has a large stone in her chest where her heart once was.

She works the days away, trying to stay focussed but her thoughts always wonder. If only she'd not been afraid and spoken up about how she feels then she wouldn't feel like this. Josephine could still be hers and they could actually be happy.

But happy endings only happen in fairytales, Leliana should have learned that by now.