Disclaimer: This is a work of fanfiction. All characters and settings belong to their respective owners. These are not my characters, unfortunately, these are the lovely Suzanne Collins' works.
I am awoken by a large thud. My head slips down from it's resting point ,and I am jerked awake. A strong hand, a man's hand, shakes me.
"Katniss, wake up! Katniss!"
I ball my hands up against my body and make a noise of indignation, it's Peeta who is before me. I must have fallen asleep on his shoulder. Stupid, stupid Katniss! I shouldn't have allowed myself to get so close to this man, even if he was technically my husband. The ceremony was yet to come, I should at least keep my guard up until then. I can't allow myself to fall under his spell like everybody else does. At least not until I really know what his intentions were.
"Yes, Peeta?" I ask him, rubbing my eyes as I groggily awake.
"We will be arriving in Amerthirst in a short while. You should probably make yourself presentable," he says, motioning towards my wrinkled dress and slept in hair.
I run my fingers through my hair, straightening it and fashioning it into a simple braid. It's not very ladylike of me, far from what the Queen of Panem ought to do, but I never claimed to be the exceptional candidate for this position. Any other princess would have protested and awaited for a servant to fix her hair. Peeta has no idea what a fool he was in choosing me to be his wife. I wouldn't be surprised if I get the axe in a couple of years.
Rousing me from my morbid thoughts, Peeta raises his voice, "You should probably return to your seat. For decency's sake." It's a fair point. Being caught in this frenzied state sitting next to him would not be good for my reputation, so I crunch my dress up to my knees, not bothering about what Peeta may see, and I plop down on my original seat.
"Thank you for waking me."
"It's no problem, really. You can look out the window if you would like. The sun is starting to rise. You were out for a while."
I glance to my left, there are raindrops running along the glass. It must have rained very recently. It's still somewhat dark out, but Peeta was right. The sun is starting to rise. From what I can see in the windows, and what I can make from the sounds of the horses pounding across the ground we are on a cobblestone road. Alongside the road, there are fields and fields of tall grasses. Occasionally a small brick house of sorts with be spotted. They are small, the type that a baker or a blacksmith would reside in. With that and the road, I can safely assume that we are riding into an estate. What did Peeta call it? Amthirst?
"Where are we?"
"Amerthirst, it's the summer residence of my dear friend, Lord Albernathy. He leads my council of advisors. He's a bit rough around the edges, but I am sure you can appreciate him."
As we near the end of the road, I hear the driver make a shout as we come to a halting stop.
"We must be here, Katniss," Peeta says as somebody opens the doors. It's a guard, dressed in the same livery as the day before. Red and gold. He gives a swift bow before allowing Peeta to exit and waiting a handful of paces before taking my hand and leading me out. A servant girl greets me. She is about my age. Pale skin, stunning red hair, and striking. She wears a dark simple dress that is relatively clean for spending time in the woods, a lot cleaner than I would have been if it was not for my rest. She is beautiful for a servant, although maybe she had been hand selected for that fact. The people from the Capitol seemed to have a thing for beauty.
The house is probably half the size of where I grew up, and it's in an immaculate state. About fifty windows in the front, a mixture of off white stones and gold accents greet me. It's bathed in luxury from the smallest flower to the enormous fountain that runs in front of the property. From where we are walking I can see the elaborate and bright green trees and bushes that line the mansion in a pattern.
I can't imagine how a simple Lord can afford this just as a summer house. If this is what the summer houses look like, I don't think I will even be able to process the palace in the Capitol. I've heard about it of course. Everybody has from Rueland to Tretze. It was built about a hundred years ago, when they moved court to the Capitol. From what I have heard, the Palace has over seven hundred rooms, a ballroom covered entirely in mirrors, and acres upon acres of gardens. It may just be rumors, though I'd have to ask Peeta. I curse myself for that. I can't start depending on Peeta for anything. Not for my country's safety, not for my adjustment into the capitol, not even for my daily bread. If I am going to survive here, I will do it on my own terms.
That's how the next few days go by. A night is spent with the Albernathy clan. Lady Maysilee is sweet and well bred. The Lord is a bit of a drunk, sort of a fool too, and it makes me question Peeta's ability to run the country. What type of King puts a drunk as their advisor?
When I ask, Peeta only tells me that, "He is the only person here I can truly trust. When it comes down to it, he will be there when he is needed. Preferably drunk, he's an odd man when he's sober."
We spend another night in a six story house in a bustling city. Peeta isn't close with the people there, I can only imagine we made the stop for diplomacy's sake. I hold my tongue the entire time, scared of saying something wrong. I think the ladies assume I'm dull, but I can't be bothered enough to care about how the gossip will effect my reputation. It's there, in the city, where Peeta instructs me how to act around the crowds. The royal carriage takes a ride through the main street, and Peeta smiles and waves at the crowd. We look affectionate, but not in any way that may seem improper. I hold a couple of common children. Lady Glimmer, or something silly like that, congratulates me on my ability not to puke while holding peasant children. I make a note to make sure she is excluded from my court.
Peeta attempts to make conversation here and there, and I manage to answer his questions without getting too involved. I think it bothers him, but he never raises his voice so I continue with my yes and no answers and spend my time in the carriage looking out from the window.
There are a couple of ceremonies along the way. I take my place as the dutiful woman, holding Peeta's hand and smiling as he speaks to the crowd and pardons criminals. He's a natural at this, or at least he's better than me. He seems to be gracious enough. When he pardons a woman for stealing a loaf of bread, and quietly instructs a guard to give her some coins, noting to me that the children seemed thin, I finally understand why everybody loves him. He doesn't even make what he does public.
We spend most nights in separate bedrooms, tucked away in lavish rooms surrounded by our own guards and servants. Every once in a while though, we end up spending the night in the carriage. At first when I am told of the arrangement, I panic.
"Katniss," he wakes me up.
"I slept through something again?"
"That you did," he chuckles, "that you did. A servant got you situated like this. I've been making arrangements. I'm sorry for the conditions, I really am. I would never wish for you to have to do this. We were expected to be in Amerthirst by nightfall. I have a friend who lives there during these months, Lord Albernathy, he's on my council, anyways he has a lovely palace by this lake and we were expected to spend the night there. It's unsettling for everybody to see their future Queen like this, and I'm afraid we are going to have to spend the night in our carriage."
We will have to share our carriage? Did that mean that I would have to spend the night with him, alone, in the carriage? We were technically married, so I suppose it was proper, but still. They hadn't even had the ceremony. Oh god. What if he wanted to do that with me.
What if he took me forcefully. He had seemed nice and they had a good conversation, but he was too charming for me to really trust. He was my husband by law, so it would be his right to have that. He probably hadn't done "it" in a while and they were probably going to end up in tight quarters together. I panicked a little, my heartbeats increased and my breath hitched. I had known eventually when I married I would have to do that, it was my duty to give my husband a child, but at least I would have had time to prepare.
Maybe that's why he was so nice to me. Maybe that's why he made the point of assuring me our marriage was already held in the eyes of the priests and the people. He surely couldn't have predicted this, but perhaps he had been prepping for when we would end up at different estates along the way. He would be tired and bored from the journey, surely taking his wife carnally would be in his plans.
"Katniss," he says, placing his hand on my arm, "are you alright. You look a little pale. Would you like a servant to get you some water?"
I blanch, what do I say to that? I don't want to make it seem obvious that I'm revolted by the thought of sharing a bed with him.
"I think I just need to clear my head. This dress is getting a little stuffy," I say.
In the end he doesn't touch me. Not in that way, at least. He just wraps his hand against my waist and we both fall asleep to the sound of the road rumbling beneath us.
On the last day of our journey, Peeta and I spend the hours letting him teach me a game similar in some ways to checkers. It's called Chess. I'm not very good at it, but the manipulation reminds me of my own life. I'm the pawn in everybody's chess game. When I tell this to Peeta he laughs and reminds me that I'm the Queen. The strongest piece in the game.
I can see myself letting him in one day. When I know him, when I know what he wants from me, maybe, just maybe, we could have something together. Not love, I don't love in that way, it's not possible for people like me to feel that type of love. We could friends, though, someday, like he said he wanted. I can stitch up the scars of my heart and try at least, for the sake of my country's well being.
Author's Note: What did you think? For those of you who worried, we are going to see a lot of strong warrior Katniss in the next few chapters. FYI, it's my birthday so I didn't get to write as much, but I rewrote this chapter from scratch several times. PLEASE tell me if you don't like something.
- You can follow me on tumblr at starveinsafety.
- I'm still looking for a beta that is good with grammar/content ideas.