Hey, guys. I know, it's been a while, and I apologize. Winter break is supposed to be relaxing, but it honestly sucked balls. I didn't have any time to sit down and work on this story like I had wanted to.
Enough about me. You guys want to read. Enjoy!
Chapter 8
Tsubaki opened her eyes, then shut them as a bright white light hit her senses. She grimaced and raised her hand to shield the light and opened them again to look around. She didn't recognize where she was, but as she tried to sit up, she realized something was holding her feet down.
She looked at the foot of the bed, startled as she saw who lay there.
Black Star was snoring, a blanket draped around his back and using her legs as a pillow.
She swallowed, finding her throat was incredibly dry. She wiggled her feet and called out to him, wondering if she was seeing things. The weight against her feet told her otherwise.
Black Star snapped his head up, startled as he felt the movements. He looked up at Tsubaki, grinned, and stood, wincing in pain as he neared her. He took her hand in his.
"I'm so glad you're ok! We were worried, we thought he'd killed you, but you're alive! I don't know… I don't know what I would do, if you were-If you…" He stopped, sniffling and fighting back tears. He kissed her cheek, her lips, and her hand. She didn't repay the kisses, the memories of what Free had said crashing down on her as they flooded back.
"Maka and Soul are in the other room, I'll go get them!" He stated excitedly, beaming.
She watched as he bolted out of the room, fighting with the contradicting thoughts in her head.
He lied. Black Star is alive. But, those memories, I… I saw them. I felt them. At the reminder of the pain in her heart, she reached up a shaky hand and rested it beneath her breast, feeling a row of bandages. Tears filled her eyes.
What had she done? She'd actually begged for death? From false information? The man had lied to her, and she'd bought it?
It made her sick, or perhaps it was the cocktail of painkillers she was likely on. She looked frantically, and saw a clean bedpan on the side table. She hastily grabbed it and vomited, groaning as the stench of bile and the fluorescent green met her sight. She spat the rest in it, then lay back, strangely exhausted.
She'd only been thrown around a bit, and he'd lightly pierced her flesh. She moved her hand to her abdomen, pressing against it lightly, hoping she could feel the slightly solid spot that was their child. Who was she kidding? She couldn't feel anything; even her lips were numb. Hopefully, she could at least feel pressure.
She pressed, harder this time as she felt nothing. Her heart raced in her chest, and her breaths caught.
Where… where had the child gone?
The door opened again, and she looked up, eyes wide and teary, the vomit-filled bedpan in her lap and her hand on her abdomen. Black Star slowed, his face turning sour as he walked back into the room. Blinking frantically to prevent tears, he approached the bed, removed the bedpan, and took her hand. His legs buckled and he plopped down into the chair he'd been sitting in.
"We… we lost him. You… miscarried on the way here." Black Star answered, mumbling against the back of her hand.
"You miscarried"? Are you-are you blaming me? She thought. Her brow furrowed and she scowled, jerking her hand away from him sharply, as though he'd bitten it. Hiding her face, she covered it in her hands.
It's as he showed you. Black Star blames you. There was truth in his words. She thought, sobbing.
"'Baki? I'm sorry. I'm so sorry this happened. We-it's not… It…" He trailed off, voice constricted with pain. He plunged his face into the sea of blankets that covered her, gripping them tightly as he wept with her.
Soul took Maka's hand and slipped back out of the door, shutting it quietly. This was a moment they needed to themselves. Maka took initiative, leading them out of the hospital and on their way home.
Black Star sniffled and reached for Tsubaki again, but stopped as she pulled her hand out of his reach. Confused, he swallowed the lump in his throat, trembling.
"What else happened?" He asked, the worry evident in his voice. She didn't hear it. She wouldn't. Tsubaki turned her head to look at him, a fierce angry scowl on it. She looked back and forth from one eye to the next. His worry… it's fake.
Her eyes squinted, emanating her fury.
"Leave." She ordered. Her voice was deep, dark. It made him tremble. For whatever reason, she was furious.
"Wh-what? Tsubaki, why? What are you angry abou-
"Get out!" She barked, pointing towards the door. Black Star jumped at her actions, completely taken by surprise. He backed away, wondering what she might do.
"Leave." She said again sternly. Black Star blinked, heart heavy and aching in his chest. Slowly, he forced a nod.
"Ok. I'll… I'll come back later." He agreed, shuffling his hands in his pockets and heading towards the door. He opened it, and paused, looking back at her. She didn't look back at him, the same furious look on her face still there. He took a deep breath, and sighed.
"I love you, Tsubaki." He said, waiting for a response. His face scrunched in despair as it elicited no response. He forced himself out of the room, shoulders sagging and head down as he mused to himself. He wondered what he had done or said.
He blinked a few times. She's angry about the miscarriage. That's gotta be it. I would be. I am. He told himself.
He ignored the others in the hallway, wrestling with the feelings he tried to contain. He made his way to the exit, staring up at the sky through the glass-pane cover of the drop-off in front. It was pouring, again. It seemed to do nothing but rain, these days.
He stepped out from under the shelter, shivering slightly as the cold rain dripped down the top of his head and down his back, underneath the jacket he wore. He didn't much care.
As he noticed some people staring at him, he felt the anxiety within multiply. He quickened his pace to get somewhere secluded. He paused at the top of a hill, looking in the direction of his house. He decided against it. It'd be too painful. Turning left, he located Maka and Soul's, but they wouldn't be home; they were still at the hospital. Kidd had dozens of rooms in the Manor, but he wasn't sure if they were home, either. Stein and Krona were also gone.
Letting his feet do the guiding, he wandered the streets, deep in thought. He knew he was dragging himself down, but couldn't shake it. He'd obviously done something wrong, but couldn't, for the life of him, know what. It only fueled his inner monster as it chided at him, breaking him down.
Head down in despair, he didn't look up until he hit a patch of green grass. Surprised, he looked up, and he sighed as he registered where he'd landed himself. The cemetery where they'd buried their children.
He walked along the grass, not caring that his entire body was soaked and that his boots made a gross squish sound as he stepped. He reached the path leading to Asa and Shira's grave, and followed it for a while.
He stared at the gravesite for a few hours, contemplating what had happened to Tsubaki, or what might have happened. Aside from the miscarriage, she'd had holes in her chest, as though the bastard was going to take her heart out.
There had been no one to stop him, and he hadn't been around when paramedics arrived. So then, why didn't he? And, why Tsubaki? Why them? Did she have a past he didn't know about?
Figuring he couldn't get any more sopping wet, he sat down at the foot of the graves, wrapped his arms around his knees, and rested his chin on them, struggling alone with his darkening thoughts.
Tsubaki was released from the hospital the next day, and Black Star was excited and relieved to have her home. They could finally talk about things, since she made it clear that she was upset. Black Star tried his best to keep from thinking it was fury at something he had done, but when she refused to look at him after he welcomed her in, his stomach sank and his heart ached.
He hugged her from behind and kissed her cheek, rocking from side to side.
"I'm happy to have you home, Tsubaki. I… I don't know what I have done, but I want to talk about it." He stated, laying out his plan on the line. She didn't answer, but gave a small "hmm" in response. His gut tightened. "Hmm"? No "Thank you", or "I'm happy to be home, too"?
He took her hand gently and guided her to the couch, sitting her down on it. He brought the back of her hand to his and kissed it, and then let their hands fall in between them. She didn't hold his hand back, and he swore he could feel the anger radiating off of her as though she were about to have an explosive chain-reaction any minute.
He grabbed his lighter and lit the wick to the candle Stein had given months ago, though it were just a stub now. He hoped it would hold out long enough for them to talk.
"So, um… what happened?" He asked. She closed her eyes, avoiding his gaze.
"He attacked us." She stated, giving a snarl. He noted it, but forced himself to stay calm anyway.
"I'm sorry. We tried to stop him. The sword broke, and then he knocked me out. Soul got hurt, too." He whispered, feeling guilty.
"Did you even want to stop him?" Tsubaki hissed, standing up. Black Star brought his head up and stared at her, appearing as though she had just slapped him. He shook his head to clear it.
"What? Of course I did! I just-I-Our weapons didn't do shit! They didn't even scratch him! He kicked our asses, and we had nothing we could use! And I didn't want to use you because I didn't want to risk harming you or the kid!" He stammered, standing up as well, wobbling slightly. She was making him tremble.
"Oh, so because I'm pregnant, I'm of no use to you? Do you really hate me that much? Do I disgust you?" Tsubaki spat. Black Star stared at her, flabbergasted. Speechless, he gaped at her like a fish out of water.
"No! No, I've never hated you! I-I fucking love you, Tsubaki!" He replied, voice begging for her to stop. She backed away from him as he stepped forward in an attempt to pull her into a hug.
"Don't lie! You blame me for Asa and Shira's death! Admit it!" She yelled, shaking with anger. Black Star froze. Was that what was eating at her? Their children's deaths?
"No, I never have. We are a team, you know that. I let you down. I couldn't stop him then. I couldn't even stop him two days ago. The first time, we worked together, and we… we still failed." Black Star whispered urgently. She leered at him.
"By 'we', you mean 'me'." She stated, the dark lump in her heart rising, constricting in her chest. Black Star tightened his fist, angry. She still refused to accept it?
"I don't blame you! How many times do I have to tell you that? What do I have to do to show you?" He asked. She didn't respond, and crossed her arms.
"What do you want me to say?" He asked, pacing slightly to prevent falling over. The energy he had made his legs weak, and he had to exert it. She kept her arms crossed and scowled at something sitting on a shelf of the entertainment center.
"For the love of-Answer me! Please! I can't-I can't resolve whatever's going on if you don't talk to me!" He pleaded, keeping his distance. His arms ached, and he shoved his hands deep into his pockets, realizing he wanted to punch something. They'd fought before, but it had never been this bad.
"Tell me the truth. You blame me. You hate me. And, all these years, I was too blind in trust to see it." She hissed, still seething. She turned her piercing gaze on him and he shuddered in fear. His lying was obvious; he was a terrible liar. From the way his body language screamed as he paced the room, avoiding her gaze to the tears in his eyes, it was all an act, one that she might have actually fallen for if Free hadn't opened her eyes.
"Fine! Fine!" He barked, throwing his hands in the air. She wanted to hear him degrade her, she'd get it, since he didn't know what else to do.
"They're out there, six feet under, and it's-it's your fault! You failed me, Tsubaki!" He started, pointing an accusing finger at her. The words didn't come easily; he had to force them. As he continued, something within boiled and he spit out everything he could think of. "I did everything I could, and you came up short! It's your fault he attacked you, it's your fault you couldn't hold that child, and it's all because you're as useless to me now as you were back then! I—
He stopped abruptly as she smacked him across the face, hard. He stumbled backwards, slightly shocked, but collected himself and stood his ground. She reared back her other hand and slapped him across his other cheek, face red in anger and hurt, and he let her. Hell, he'd be her kicking post if it meant she could deal with whatever was going on inside her head.
"Whoa!" He looked up and ducked just in time to see a vial of flowers aimed for his head. It hit the wall behind him, shattering and splaying broken glass and peds of soil everywhere. He stared at her from across the room, stunned, watching as she heaved for breath.
"Get out of here! Fucking leave! You hate me so much, fucking go!" She ordered, pointing at the door. Black Star's mouth dropped open, and his eyes nearly bulged out of his head. She was kicking him out?
"I don't-I don't hate. I didn't mean-
"OUT!" She bellowed at the top of her lungs as she grabbed a book off of a nearby shelf and chucked it at him. The book opened and the pages fluttered as it flew at him. He dodged it, too, and didn't waste another second. He bolted toward the door, snatched his coat off of the rack, ripped the door open, and slammed it as hard as he could on his way out.
Fuming, he walked briskly on the streets, grumbling. He even punched a crater in a nearby wall, not caring who saw or whose building it was. He turned to an alley and kicked a wooden crate across the way, shattering it.
"What the hell are you doing?" Someone asked behind him. He jumped and turned sharply. Soul stood there, hands in his coat pockets as always, bags of groceries hanging from his wrists. Black Star took a few deep breaths and leaned his forehead against the cool brick wall. His cheeks felt hot, though not from embarrassment. He reached up a hand to touch them, wincing as they stung.
"What, are you following me?" Black Star asked. Soul blinked, and shook his head. He stepped forward, grabbed Black Star's shoulder, and turned him to face front. He let go as he saw the red mark of a slap and the teary eyes.
"No. I was going to drop off some stuff, and see if you guys were okay. Doesn't look like it." He muttered. Black Star shrugged his hand away and turned his back on him.
"Leave me alone, ok? It's not your business." Black Star growled, wiping at his eyes. Soul fought an eye-roll, and decided to let him be.
"True, but, uh…" He paused. He'd wanted to call Black Star out on it, saying that he'd obviously had an argument with Tsubaki about something, and that Black Star probably shouldn't be left alone, considering his anger had hit the breaking point. If he were to bust anything else up, the man would likely be arrested.
"I'm going home. Why don't you come with me? You don't even have to talk, but it'd be better than destroying someone else's property and getting yourself arrested." Soul offered.
Black Star sighed, and shook his head.
"Maybe. I'll meet you there later. I really need to be alone." He restated, though calmer this time.
Satisfied as he felt Black Star had calmed down to a point where he wouldn't risk being arrested, Soul waved goodbye and left, heading back towards his house. Considering Tsubaki had been the one to slap Soul, she probably didn't want to talk to any males anytime soon. He'd have to ask Maka if she'd go talk to their friend.
Black Star stuffed his hands in his pants pockets to shelter them from the chill, and continued down the open alleyway onto whatever street it led to. He didn't care at the moment.
As he looked down the street, he scowled. It was dark, cramped. He didn't feel like walking down it. He looked the other way, the street leading up a hill. He didn't feel like walking up the steep upgrade, either.
He grunted, turned on his heel, and walked back the way he came, towards the well-lit street. At least if he were to be attacked, he could see his enemy, and it was wider. There would be more room to run. Without a weapon, all he had were his fists, and without Tsubaki, he didn't know if he could defend himself well without her should he be ambushed by a swarm.
He heaved a heavy sigh, shuffling his feet along the sidewalk, eyes downcast and drowning in shame. He shouldn't have said those things. They made him sick. They weighed in his gut, and he wanted to vomit. Perhaps he could even vomit them away. He couldn't remember the last time he'd said something that had hurt someone he cared about.
His brow furrowed and he grew angry. Angry with himself, and angry with her. If she hadn't pressured him… if only she'd believed him, he wouldn't have said those words, and she wouldn't have kicked him out. He didn't even know how long it would be before he was welcome back, if at all. This was the first time a fight had escalated to this point.
Something had changed. She wasn't the same. Hell, was she even the same person? What on Earth had transpired between her and that bastard to make her change so drastically? Where was the sweet, loving woman he had married? Sure, they'd lost all of their children, but he'd done nothing but support her through it all. She'd supported him just as well, and maybe even more than he realized. Had the miscarriage been the final breaking point for her?
All the thoughts running through his head and the slurry of emotions spiraling within gave him a headache. He looked up from the ground, gained his bearings, and headed toward Maka and Soul's apartment. He wanted to ask Maka to talk to Tsubaki, and see if she would open up to her. Perhaps then, he could have a little understanding, and know where to progress from there.
What was usually a twenty-minute walk took what felt like an hour. Black Star found himself at Soul and Maka's door, shivering from the cold and sniffling back snot that threatened to drip from his nose. He wiped at his face to ensure there weren't any tears, though he had a feeling he'd still end up crying in front of his friends.
He raised a fist and knocked weakly on the door, waiting. The doorknob turned and the door opened. Soul peered out from behind the door, cautious. Ever since a burglar had burst into their house, Soul and Maka had always been a little on edge about answering their door. He closed it, and Black Star heard the chain slide out from the lock, and then the door opened fully.
Black Star hurried in, thankful for the warmth that enveloped his body. He kicked off his shoes and wiggled his toes to get them to warm up faster. He shed his cold leather coat and hung it on the post, and stepped further inside.
"I already asked Maka to go to Tsubaki. She hasn't come back, so I'm assuming she's still there." Soul explained.
He walked into the living room and sat down in the chair, leaning back and taking a deep breath, as though preparing him for whatever bomb Black Star was about to drop.
"What happened, man?" He asked. Black Star sighed and sat down on the couch, folded his fingers together and leaned forward on his knees. He kept a stern stare at the floor, collecting as much of himself as he could.
"Yesterday, when she woke up, she seemed pissed. At first, I thought it was because of the miscarriage, but it seems there was more to it, because she told me to leave." He started, thinking back to the incident. He sighed, shook his head, and continued.
"I thought that maybe that bastard had done something to make her so upset, but it seems that she was… that she's really mad at me. I-I don't understand why." He muttered, voice beginning to crack. He felt hot tears form in his eyes and his chest really hurt. He leaned his head forward, allowing his long blue hair to fall down around his face so Soul wouldn't see it.
"She asked if I really wanted to stop him, as if I didn't. She accused me of blaming her for Asa and Shira's-" He wavered for a moment, then forced himself to say it. "For their murder." He stated, throat constricted. He was trembling now, and clasped his hands together to get a grip on his emotions.
Soul simply listened, though his face was sullen. He felt truly bad for his friends, and found himself wondering what had happened to Tsubaki after Free had gone after her.
"She-she kept pressuring me to tell her the truth, and when I told her the truth, she didn't believe me. When she asked again, I, I," He stopped, shaking his head in shame and disappointment with himself.
"I told her what she wanted to hear." He stated, finally looking at Soul. He had tears falling down his face, which emanated the shock he had in admitting his actions.
"I said such horrible things, Soul. I shouldn't say such things to-to someone I love. To my wife." He babbled, holding his head in his hands and sobbing. Soul reached to the couch-side table, plucked out a tissue from the box, and held it out for him. Black Star took it to wipe his face and blow his nose.
He couldn't fight the tears, and they spilled over. He clutched his head in his hands, and wailed, rocking back and forth in despair. Soul stood, grabbed the blanket on the back of the couch, and draped it over his friend. He muttered that Black Star was welcome to stay for the evening, then walked into the kitchen to fix them both a rare drink.
Tsubaki growled as a knock sounded on the door, tossed the pillow she'd been squeezing half to death aside, and stood.
"I thought I told you- She hissed, heading towards the door and throwing it open. Maka jumped, hand still raised to knock again.
"Oh, Maka. Um… Come in. Keep your shoes on, there may be glass." Tsubaki stated, turning away and walking towards the couch. Maka stepped in, glancing skeptically at the floor and then following Tsubaki into the living room.
She sat down slowly next to Tsubaki and folded her hands neatly in her lap. She wondered where to begin. She wanted to know what the man had done or said to her, since she had fallen unconscious shortly after their being attacked. The last thing she remembered was the man holding Tsubaki in the air, blurry lips moving as they spoke.
But, how could she go so far back? She'd just had a fight with her husband that had ended in her kicking him to the curb and slapping him across the face.
"What do you want? Did Black Star put you up to this?" Tsubaki asked, not looking up from the still-lit candle stub.
Maka turned to stare at Tsubaki in shock.
"No, I wanted to come here. I want to know what happened, from your point of view." She explained, offering a stern look of reassurance. Tsubaki scoffed and shook her head in scorn.
Do you? Tsubaki wondered, scowling.
"I know I saw him saying something to you. He did something to you. I can feel it. Your soul, it's not the same. It's so, so heavy." She whispered desperately, trying to mask the worry in her voice. It seemed anything related to pity or sorrow ticked Tsubaki off easily.
Oh, can you now? She thought, sending a scowl toward her best friend.
It was Maka's turn to retort, and she sent her fiercest scowl and crossed her arms.
"Quit giving me dirty looks, and tell me what that bastard said to you! It's not like you, especially not like you to kick Black Star out." She hissed. This startled Tsubaki, and she gave her an almost drunken look, blinking slowly as her friend's words registered in her head.
She sighed, and averted her gaze out of shame.
"He told me Black Star was dead." Tsubaki started. Hearing the words, and knowing that Black Star was still alive, the words sounded foolish to have believed.
She shuddered, and lightly touched the wrappings on her chest.
"But, he's not. Tsubaki, he lied to you. What else did he tell you? For all we know, he could have been lying about that, too." Maka suggested, curious to know what else had been said. She felt there was more to the situation than being lied to about Black Star's status.
Tsubaki sighed, and stared at her knees. She felt the pit of anger and hate rise within again, and her chest ached from the building hurricane of emotions. She took a deep breath and made a list of all the things he had said or shown to her, and shot them down one by one as she reminded herself they weren't true.
She sucked in a breath as she remembered the weight of the memories on her heart. Her brow furrowed and she scowled at the floor, angered with herself. She still couldn't believe she'd accepted those lies as true without searching for the truth herself. Her gut sank and churned, and she began to tremble with rage.
"I'm such an idiot." She hissed. She shook her head in disbelief. Maka wasn't sure she had heard correctly, and opened her mouth to ask Tsubaki to repeat herself, but stopped as Tsubaki said it again, louder and more sternly.
"I can't believe I-I-" She stuttered, stood, and began to pace back and forth. Maka only watched, confused.
"He fed me bullshit, and I ate it! All of it!" She spat, pointing at something random in the distance. Maka let go of the tense breath she'd been holding and gave a soft smile.
"Tsubaki… It's ok, you know. You just said it yourself. Everything he told you was bullshit." Maka whispered.
"I gotta apologize. Where's Black Star?" She asked urgently, beginning to pace even quicker, a desperate look in her eye.
"He's… at our house. Soul invited him to stop by, and sent me to check up on you." She answered. Tsubaki rushed for the front door and snatched her coat, throwing it on.
Maka hurried to her and stopped her before she could leave.
"Wait! Wait, I'll send him home. You just… sit tight. When he gets here, you can talk things over with him, ok?" Maka stated, figuring that they would need plenty of time alone to talk about their fight. Tsubaki stopped and stared at Maka. She wanted to apologize straightaway, but as she thought about it, perhaps Maka was right. She'd need time to prepare herself, and who knew if Black Star wanted to come back so soon?
She nodded and stepped aside to let Maka through.
"I'll send him home. Good luck." She wished. Tsubaki gave a slight nod and walked to the open door. She shut the door as Maka left, heaved a deep sigh, and rested her forehead against the back of it. It was cool, a stark contrast to her warm skin.
She turned back around to the flowers she had thrown previously, set upright in a new vase. She shook her head in disappointment of herself, shuffled her feet along the floor, and walked to the couch, to sit back down and squeeze the pillow in self-wallowing shame.
Next chapter will be up soon, hopefully, I promise!