A/N So. I don't know what to make of this chapter. I didnt' quite 'just happen'- I've been trying to figure out how to do this part for a long time, but have failed miserably each time. This chapter was actually meant to be something COMPLETELY different. But it turned into this. WARNING References to sex, nudity, and alcohol consumption.

Also. I AM doing NaNo this month so…. Save me?

So he finally knew the truth. Koujo Lin had found out the truth behind what had been slowly tearing his life apart bit by bit. The realization brought him no relief- it was something he should have known all along, really. It was his own ignorance on the subject of his powers that had caused his family so much suffering.

If he had known that his shiki had broken away from his control, none of the events that had transpired lately would have happened. Nazuke would be as healthy and snarky as ever.

Enraged thoughts coursed through Lin's brain. Plans that he could not act upon clouded his mind, frustrating the Onmyouji to no end.

He wanted to do something- make a difference in his situation. But he truly was powerless, wasn't he? He didn't have the smallest idea of how to fight off a shiki who had broken away from his master and was hellbent on destroying the foundations of his life.

How did one fight off a creature that was on the loose due to their own negligence? The answer didn't throw itself at Lin in the form of a sudden well timed epiphany. This was real life, not some anime that Lin could simply cut off when it got too violent for his liking.

Lin knew that he needed to tell Naru about what Gene had told him during his astral projection; however he also knew that the paranormal researcher would have a difficult time accepting the news. Despite the front that the teenager put on, he truly did miss his twin. When Gene had died, he had taken his telepathic link to his brother- Naru had been forced to deal with having only his own voice in his head for the first time in his life.

The Onmyouji intended to avoid telling his charge the new information for as long as possible. What difference did it make when he told him? They wouldn't know how to fight the rogue shiki anyway.

In reality, there was nothing that Lin could do while confined to the hospital except for sleep, which was in truth, something that the chronic insomniac had not been doing much of before being hospitalized. Knowing that it was the only option that would have even the slightest chance of giving him peace of mind, Lin closed his eyes and allowed his mental exhaustion to lure him into a light slumber.

In a room a few doors down the hall, Madoka Mori got up from her bed. She had already been detached from all of the wires that had been put on after the car wreck. She had been lucky- she had no internal injuries, just simple bruises and cuts from the glass.

The man who it was her intent to go and visit was the one who had taken the brunt of the damage from the car wreck, as the vehicles had hit the car on his side, though the nurse had informed Madoka that both of them would be healthy enough to go home the next day if all went according to plan. Lin would be forced to remain on work leave for several weeks with no heavy lifting until his shoulder had healed.

The thought made Madoka wince. She had not seen Lin since their altercation the previous day. How would he react to seeing her now? She knew deep in her heart that he probably wanted more time away from her to get his bearings straight, but she couldn't find it in herself to give it to him. She herself needed the peace of mind that would hopefully come with apologizing for her unjustified action of kissing him without his explicit permission.

It was selfish, she knew. But she couldn't help that the heart needs what it needs, and right then it needed for her to have the very conversation with Lin that she should have had with him years before.

The realization made the pinkette's heart race. She was finally going to get this huge weight off of her chest, after all of the years that she had been forced to endure the torment that had come with being separated from the man she had once viewed as her soul mate.

How had mistakes, misunderstandings, and pride changed her life so drastically? No. The pink haired woman knew so much better. All of those factors had changed more than her life. They had changed the very foundations of her personality, making her afraid of falling in love again, and terrified of trying to make things right with the one who had caused the permanent change in the very mold of her existence.

Taking a shuddering breath, Madoka Mori took the first steps out the door of her hospital room, while forcing her expression to remain painfully neutral. Luckily it was late at night, and there seemed to be no nurses or doctors roaming the spacious hallway- the coast was completely clear of prying eyes.

Refusing to stall a moment longer, Madoka walked to the door marked with the name tag 'Koujo Lin', and pushed the door open. It was dark and silent in the room- the only noises that could be heard were the loud sounds from the machines and... there was something else. Breathing- so relaxed that Madoka could barely hear it, but subtle enough that she definitely wasn't imagining it.

The pinkette moved her gaze towards the sound of the breathing. She was met with a figure laying on its side in the hospital bed. Upon closer inspection, Madoka realized that it was indeed Lin. The Onmyouji's gray eyes were closed, and the steady breathing that she had heard seemed to be coming from him.

It was obvious that the black haired man was asleep. Madoka was surprised at how relieved she felt- he was injured and needed his rest, right? She had no real reason to wake him up- after all, she had waited years to come even this close to bringing up the subject, what was another day, or maybe two?

It would give her more time to gather her bearings as well. She really was not ready to have this conversation with Lin after all. The event that had tore them apart had been a traumatic part of her life- she would be crazy if she were eager to relive something so painful to her heart.

Though it would be difficult, Madoka's heart also told her that she needed to speak to him. They had almost died not too long before- Lin had seemed like he was finally going to open up, then disaster struck. Then that spur of the moment kiss set him off again, and Madoka knew that he would no longer be willing to take the first step of getting their relationship back on track. If it was going to happen, Madoka had to be the one who took the initiative.

Even though she came to that realization, she could still not bring herself to wake Lin up. He looked like he was at peace sleeping, and she didn't want to be the cause of him not getting enough rest. Though the obvious choice was to wait until he woke up, Madoka found herself not being able to remain silent- she needed to say something before she backed out.

"Um..." she began, her voice sounding small and weak; not the best way to start off. She closed her eyes, clenched her fist and took a deep breath, gathering strength. When her eyes opened again, she was ready.

"Koujo," she continued, addressing the sleeping man by his first name, as she had done years before, before events that made them become formal towards each other had transpired, "this might seem out of the blue, but its something that I've been needing to tell you for awhile. In fact, I should have told you this about eight years ago," Madoka began again, taking a brief moment to gather her thoughts- she had so much that she needed to say.

"I'm going to be honest. When you called off what.. you were trying to get me to do, it hurt. More than I let on. I wanted you to explain to me why you suddenly changed your mind, but I didn't have the courage to ask why I'd been rejected by the one I thought loved me unconditionally. I understood years after we broke up what you were trying to do. The more I thought about it the more it made sense, but it didn't fall together completely until it was too late,"

A choked sob escaped her lips. "I wish I had realized what you were trying to do before I ended our relationship. I broke your heart- you never admitted that to me, but I could tell. You changed so much after it happened. You barely looked at me, and only talked to me when you absolutely had to. You probably would have cut me out of your life completely had you not remained in Britain to train Naru. That.. hurt more than anything. I could deal with you rejecting me, but I couldn't deal with you hating me,"

Tears were now streaming undeterred down her face, though the pink haired woman made no attempt to wipe them away. "Maybe I'm being dramatic, but you've been cold towards me for a long time. There hasn't been any warmth when you speak to me- just formality. I miss you, Lin. I really wish you'd talk to me,"

And with those last pain filled words, Madoka turned around and rushed out of the room.

As soon as the door closed, a pair of dark gray eyes slowly opened, revealing that the man they belonged to had been awake throughout the entire conversation directed at him. As soon as Madoka had entered the room, Lin's shiki had become wary towards the intruder. Their feeling of uneasiness had made its way to Lin's subconsciousness via his telepathic link with the bound creatures, which had awoken the sleeping Onmyouji.

Reliving the words Madoka had said to him while thinking that he was unable to hear her caused Lin to blink furiously at the burning sensation that had been slowly pulsating behind his closed eyelids. The feeling was familiar- and very unpleasant. He realized grudgingly that he was close to tears.

Madoka's words had stung his heart, moreso than he'd ever be inclined to admit. Her heart wrenching speech brought back barely concealed memories that the black haired man didn't want to see- flashbacks of a happier time in his life, before one mistake had taken it all away from him.

The memory that had torn apart Lin's heart took place eight years before, when he was still a student at Cambridge University, working on his Biology degree. He was nineteen at the time, though he had the mental capacities of someone twice his age- in truth, that had sometimes been his downfall. The then rookie Onmyouji had never been very adept at socializing with people his age, and therefore remained silent, avoiding interactions with everyone but a select few.

One of those few people that Lin felt comfortable around was his girlfriend, seventeen year old Madoka Mori. Madoka was a senior in high school, which gave her a hectic enough schedule to match Lin's own. Luckily when given the option, Lin had opted to remain at the Davis's house rather than move into a dorm at the large college. Though he was a full time student, during his hours away from school, he was a teacher of quigong to a powerful psychic named Oliver Davis, or Noll.

Teaching Noll to control his powers took up much of the younger Lin's time, making it difficult for him to have a life outside of school and work. Thankfully for him, Madoka was also one of Noll's teachers. She tutored him in her studies of the paranormal on request of Martin Davis.

Martin had said that the pink haired lady was an adept study, and proficient enough even as just his apprentice to be taken on supernatural related cases as a full-time investigator.

Lin and Madoka had met through Luella Davis, who had been a long time friend of Madoka's. When Luella and Martin had jointly decided that their son would need external help if he was going to learn to control his powers before they killed him, they had contacted Lin. They had found him through a website dedicated entirely to practicing Onmyoujis as there were so few still selling their services.

Luella had informed Madoka that a young Chinese man would be living in the house from then on, to act in as Naru's part time guardian and quigong teacher. Madoka's motherly figure had alluded to the fact that Lin was quite handsome, and around her age.

Madoka had instantly taken to Lin, and him to her. Six months after moving to England from China, Lin asked Madoka to be his girlfriend. She had easily agreed, and the two fell quickly for each other.

His being in college had not changed their relationship much, other then making them happier to see each other when their hectic schedules allowed them to go on the rare date. That was the case on that particular night. It was Saturday night, and Lin was free from the cold clutches of studying.

He had called Madoka and asked her to come to a restaurant with him. She had excitedly agreed, much to Lin's pleasure. He had driven to her house in the car that Martin had loaned him and arrived at her house at 7:30 pm.

They enjoyed a peaceful meal at the restaurant, then left. Lin had decided that he'd rather have more time with Madoka in private rather than return home immediately. At the beginning of the week he had received his paycheck from the Davis's, and had no shortage of money.

On a whim, Lin decided to rent a hotel room for them to stay in for the night. He had intended for them to share separate beds, though that had not happened thanks to something that he had hidden away in the trunk of the car.

After convincing Madoka to stay at the hotel with him, Lin had retrieved a bottle of alcohol from his trunk. He had gotten it from one of his older friends at the college- he hadn't asked for it, but the friend had given it to him nonetheless.

Realizing that he'd never want to drink it with anyone else, Lin had decided to open the bottle and enjoy it with Madoka. When he had showed her the bottle, she had been wary, but with only slight convincing from her boyfriend, she had agreed to try the substance.

Several shots later, both teenagers were intoxicated. The bottle had been the first taste of alcohol that either had been exposed to, and neither had known their limits.

Under the influence of the alcohol, one thing had led to another, and before long, Lin had coerced Madoka to have sex with him. It wasn't until the the seventeen year old was completely naked and lying on the bed that Lin sobered up enough to realize that he wasn't ready to perform the act.

He was brutally honest with Madoka, telling her that they couldn't have sex while she was still underage- and to add to that, they were drunk, and neither would remember the event clearly in the morning. He didn't want her to have to live with the regret of losing her virginity in such a way that it would take away from the factors that were supposed to make the event special, like enjoying it with someone you were sure you loved.

Even though Lin had tried to let her down gently, Madoka had felt rightly betrayed and used. Lin had waited until she was naked and completely ready to lose herself to him before he told her that as a couple, they weren't ready. Why couldn't he have changed his mind sooner?

Embarrassed, confused, and hurt, Madoka had gotten dressed back in the clothing that she had so hastily discarded. Then she had fled the hotel, leaving a distraught and half naked Lin standing in the doorway.

Two days later, she had asked Lin to come to a small cafe for coffee. When he had arrived, Madoka had taken him to a booth in the corner of the cafe, far away from listening ears and prying eyes. Lin had immediately assumed that she had called him there to calmly have a conversation with him about their altercation at the hotel.

He could not have been more wrong, as in reality, Madoka had called him there to give him some of the most devastating news of his life; she was breaking up with him.

Her reasoning for ending the relationship was that Lin had used her- gotten her drunk, then convinced her to have sex with him, had decided to call the entire ordeal off as soon as he knew that she wanted to.

The accusation had stung. Lin had not been using her at all- he had genuinely been ready to have sex with her, though that had been under the influence of the alcohol. Sober Lin had not been ready at all for what drunken Lin had been trying to do. Sober Lin just happened to take over Lin's personality too late.

Sober Lin had wanted to protect Madoka's chastity- she was a student in high school. So many girls around her were getting pregnant and dropping out, causing them to miss out on a high school education simply because they were babies caring for babies. Lin had not intended to have sex that night, and therefore hadn't had any sort of sexual protection.

If they had done the deed that night, Madoka could have gotten pregnant, and her life as a senior would have been cut short. Lin had been trying to protect her from that, but also had been trying to protect her from having future regrets. Once you lose your virginity, you cannot under any circumstances get it back. He knew that she might want to share that moment with her husband in the future, and despite their wonderful relationship, he very well might not have been the man she would decide to marry.

To top all of those factors off, Lin himself had been a virgin, and hadn't know whether or not he was mentally ready to not be. He was in college for god's sake- why was he even thinking about it at that time in his life? It wasn't a good time- there were two many risks when he was already more than a year into his college education. It would have been suicide to risk becoming a father at that time- he would not have been able to continue school and help care and provide for a child at the same time.

Despite his avid protests, Madoka had been too hurt to listen to his reason. She had left him at the cafe with his head down on the countertop and shoulders shaking.

His shoulders were shaking in present time, much as they had been in the painful memory. He was now definitely fighting tears, refusing to cry over the past that could not be changed. There was no use crying over spilled milk as it were, how was this any different?

No. That wasn't the case and Lin damn well knew it. This was important to him- Madoka had been suffering so much throughout the years. He couldn't let her pain continue any longer when there was a chance to fix everything.

Jumping up from the bed, Lin stood his full height. Luckily the nurse had told him that if he needed to get up, he could disconnect the wires connected to him without taking the monitors with him as long as he reconnected them once he got back.

This came in handy now as he undid the IV connected his vein, then rushed to the door as quickly as his injured body would allow. He might as well have sprinted towards Madoka's room with the pace at which his long strides carried him.

He reached Madoka's room and threw the door open. Madoka was inside the room, standing beside the bed. She spun around to face the intruder in her room, tears still streaming down her face. Her expression changed to one of shock when she realized who was standing in her doorway.

Without pausing in his stride, Lin walked to his ex love and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her against his chest, not uttering a single word. Madoka gasped and stiffened in his embrace, but didn't pull away. In fact, she relaxed against the man holding her- comforting her though he was the one who had caused her tears.

She cried into his chest, finally venting all of her pain and frustrations that she had bottled up for eight years. She had missed the feeling of his arms around her- feeling them again made her feel like she was home, and that it was okay for her to be honest with herself.

The honest truth was that she still loved the man whose embrace she was tucked so tightly into. During their eight year long separation, she had never stopped loving him. Her pride had prevented her from telling him that she understood why he had broken up with her.

She could never express her regret for that enough. She had wasted eight years of her life that she could have spent being freely in love with the man she loved. Instead she had spent those years alone, never actively pursuing another relationship though she got many requests to date several men she knew would never capture her heart in the way that Lin had.

She loved him. It really was that simple- no science could explain why she loved him and no one else, and had not been able to get over their past relationship.

In reality, Madoka had no idea if Lin felt the same way about her anymore. Why had he rushed into her room after her so quickly that it had seemed like wild dogs should have been after him? What other reason was there than that he loved her too, and had wanted her to know that she was forgiven?

Better yet, how had he known to come and comfort her anyway? Hadn't he been sleeping when she had spilled her heart to him? Madoka shook her head against Lin's chest as the answer became blatantly clear. His shiki had woken him up- she had known that since their time dating that Lin's shiki were very wary of people and would alert Lin if anyone came near him during times he was vulnerable, like when he was sleeping.

He had been awake throughout their entire one-sided conversation, allowing her to rant at him while saying or doing nothing to defend himself. She realized that this was his way of apologizing and telling her that he forgave her.

The realization brought her eight years of relief. It overwhelmed her to the point that her knees became weak. She began to fall towards the ground and expected to plummet towards the linoleum, but suddenly felt hands wrap around her waist. She looked up into the face of the man who had became her rock. Lin's eyes were open- not open as in the opposite of closed, but open like she could see the emotions behind them. The feelings that Lin usually hid so adeptly from her.

They were exposed to her, and Lin made no effort to hide the way he felt. She could see his pain, relief, longing, and his love for her. The last one made her heart flutter in a way that it had not since her days being his girlfriend.

Seeing the realization on Madoka's face made Lin's heart leap. He could see the forgiveness in her eyes even before he could see it on her face. It was his turn for a spur of the moment action. And this time, he had a feeling that both of them would accept it.

The tall Onmyouji leaned down towards Madoka and captured her lips with his, kissing her like he should have the day before when she had made the same decision as he was making now.

The pair stood in each others arms kissing for several minutes, before Madoka broke the kiss to take a breath. When she did, she smiled openly at Lin, who in a rare moment, returned the gesture, flashing his teeth in the expression.

Madoka felt lighter than air as she laid her head back on his chest. Lin stroked her hair comfortingly for a moment until she broke away and gestured at the bed. Lin raised an eyebrow as he watched her take a seat. Following her lead, he sat beside her.

They sat like that for a few seconds before Madoka took a deep breath.

"Lin, what does this mean?" she asked carefully- she was secretly terrified. This was what she had been waiting for during those eight long years. She was not ready to shatter the illusion, but also not ready to get rid of the chance that it might be reality.

Lin didn't answer right away- he took a moment to carefully consider her question. Did he love her? Yes. He knew without a doubt that he loved her, and had wanted her back all of the years that they had been apart.

So the answer to her question was simple, and rolled off Lin's tongue as naturally as if he had been born to say the words.

"I want to resume our relationship, Madoka. I've missed you- I was wrong to hurt you like I did, and even more wrong to never rectify my error,"

More tears spilled from Madoka's eyes as she laid her head on Lin's shoulder. The onmyouji wrapped his arms around her and held her until dawn broke and the light began streaming in through the closed blinds.

"I've missed you too," she muttered through the tears. The comment caused Lin pain. He had made her miss him even though they had never lost contact. But she didn't mean she had missed him as a person, did she? No. She meant that she had missed their relationship- which Lin was the reason that it had been called off.

He could regret that as much as he wanted, but he could not go back in time and make sure that their relationship didn't go down that path. He could only move on with the future and hope that after all of the events with his shiki were settled, that he could have a happy life with Madoka.

He had her now, and that was all that really mattered. The past could wait, and the future had yet to be written.

A/N This was hard to write. I had no idea how this was going to play out when I started the chapter. Luckily, after a period of deep anger at the fic, Lin led me down the path that he wanted me to be on. Next chapter will hopefully be up within a few days. I hope to get at least three chapters published during NaNo, though I'm not positive if that that'll happen.