When Emma woke up, she felt awful. What had she done? She'd slept with an intern—more than once. And it was addictive, which was going to be a problem. She had even told him that it wasn't a one-time thing. It was wrong on so many professional levels, not to mention personal. He knew where she lived now, knew she had things to hide.
How would she get him out? He was curled into her back, arm thrown over her. When had that happened? She hadn't consented to spooning last night. It must have happened while she was sleeping. She was not a cuddling type of person. All she could feel was panic, the reality of the situation setting it.
She carefully peeled his arm off her and slipped away. She gathered up his clothes from her floor and placed them at the end of the bed. There were still a few hours left until she had to get to work, but he was definitely going to be late if he didn't get up.
She through on a robe and shook his leg. He groaned as he woke up, and she watched as his hands reached for where she used to be. He opened up one eye and stared down the bed at her. "Swan, what are you doing?"
"Get up," she commanded. She hoped using her "scary attending" voice would force him to listen to her without question. "You're going to be late for work."
He sat up on his elbows. "I'm sure an excuse from an attending will get me home free." He smirked and rolled onto his back, stretching his muscles.
Her eyes carefully avoided staring at his lower region. "You're not getting one." His eyebrows knitted together with "excuse me" written across his features. "Last night never happened. No one can know. You'll become a pariah amongst your peers. No one likes the person who tries to sleep their way to the top."
"And you don't want your colleagues to know you slept with an intern."
She ignored that, grabbing her towel and phone. "Okay, I'm going to take a shower now, and when I'm out, you'll be gone." She smiled and then left the room, leaving him stunned.
Killian saw Emma mere hours after he left her house. Outwardly, nothing was different. She was at the nurse's station, filling out charts. She looked professional, hair thrown up artfully in a twisted bun and light makeup. Not even the navy scrubs could hide how beautiful she was.
He approached her, throwing down labs for a patient on top of stack of charts. He stated, "The labs for Mr. Hopper."
She raised an eyebrow at him. "Tink's on my service today, not you."
"Dr. Mills made her switch with this. She thinks Tink is a heart prodigy, so she doesn't really want me. I know cardio isn't for me."
"Okay. Thank you." They stood there for a moment. She stopped filling out charts. "Was there something else you needed?"
"Well, I was going to inquire whether or not you'd like to duck into an on-call room with me for part three of last night." It was bold, he knew, but he'd stop if it truly made her uncomfortable.
She put her pen in her coat pocket and slammed the chart closed. "Dr. Jones, this is a hospital, not a bar for you to chase women down in. Within these four walls, last night never happened, and if you mention it to me again during work I will have you kicked out of this program." She turned on her heel and walked in the opposite direction.
The nurse at the chair was trying to hide a smile. "Oh, hush," he ordered, turning and walking off.
Dr. Lucas was the one that eased the tension between the two. Ruby was excellent at reading people and situations, including when to ignore it. As the three worked together an hour later, she made sure to keep herself the topic of interest. As Killian was returning from a patient exam, he caught the end of what Ruby had been telling Swan.
"…And then he asked me out on a date," Ruby said, slight confusion in her voice. "Normally I might say yes—he's not awful once you get to know him. But obviously he doesn't know about me and Belle."
Swan replied, "Or maybe he does know, and that is precisely why he did it."
"What about you and Belle?" Killian asked, turning toward Ruby.
Ruby gave him a small smile. "Dr. Whale asked me out on a date, but I'm involved with Dr. French. It was unexpected, so it threw me off a bit."
Killian raised an eyebrow. "Well, congratulations to you both. I had no idea."
"It's still kind of new, so we don't want to tell everyone just yet."
Killian mock-bowed at her. "Your secrets are safe with me, milady. Now what am I needed for now?"
Swan, who had been avoiding his gaze by scratching something on a pad of paper, finally looked up at him. "We have a bowel obstruction today, as well as a few appys. Today is the intern appy, so until that person is chosen, you can find something to do in the pit."
Wonderful, he thought, grumbling to himself as he made he way to the pit.
Ruby stared at Killian as he practically stomped down the hallway. She looked back at Emma. "What was that?"
Emma was taken aback. "What do you mean?"
"I've never seen you talk to an intern like that, not without a very good reason. Has Dr. Jones been lacking in some way? Everything I've seen has been very excellent."
Emma was silent for a few moments. "Dr. Jones has not been…lacking, per se," she decided to say. "His work here at the hospital is impressive."
Ruby picked up on the word play. "Are you implying he's been lacking in other departments, outside the hospital?" The silence answered the question. Ruby's eyes widened. "You didn't. You didn't."
Blood had rushed to Emma's cheeks, turning them bright red. "I have no idea what you're implying."
"You slept with an intern? I knew something was up with you two." There was a small pause. "And he was lacking? That is the last thing I expected from him. All talk and no walk."
Emma put her face in her hands, mumbling around them. "No, he wasn't, and that's the problem. I can't be with an intern. It was a huge mistake. I can't let him think there is a chance when there can't be one. Not getting what you want is bad enough, but giving someone unrealistic hope is far worse."
Ruby dramatically slammed her hands on Emma's chart and replied, "Emma, you're acting like this is the end of the world! There is no policy against superiors dating interns. As long as you don't bring the sex and drama into the hospital, you aren't breaking any rules. What is the real reason you're doing this?"
Her hesitation was obvious. "I just can't, all right? Now if you'll excuse me, I have an intern to torture."
Killian grumbled to himself as he watched Astrid make the first cut. She was all right, but not "first intern to do a surgery" worthy. His work had been perfect. His school record was pristine, almost all the doctors liked him—he deserved the appy. His bitter thoughts turned him to the idea of Swan purposely not giving it to him—it wasn't like she'd been the role model for professionalism lately.
Swan's voice could be heard in the gallery. "Cut carefully. Remember that you're the one holding someone's life in your hands. Caution is necessary. Now just pull gently, don't harm the purse strings—" The monitors went haywire, and a line of blood spurt from the patient. "Damn it, you pulled the purse strings too hard! Out of my way!" Swan shoved Astrid out of the way, taking over the surgery. Astrid was off to the side, hands covered in blood and tears in her eyes.
He felt bad for her. He could only imagine the humiliation she felt. Not only were all available attendings watching, but every intern that could fit in the gallery was there as well. It was a major embarrassment in front of both her peers and superiors. It actually makes him grateful that he hadn't been chosen, otherwise that might've been him.
Killian didn't hang around to watch Swan close up. He knew she would want to check on her other patients as soon as she got out, so he decided to go round on them all. They were all well, either post-op or pre-op or still waiting on results. When he finished, he swung back around to the O.R. where Swan was just emerging.
He could see the look of annoyance on her face. "Jones, I don't have time to coddle you over the surgery, I have patients to see," she snapped, trying to move past him.
"I'm not here to complain about that," he insisted, throwing an arm out to stop her from walking away. "I rounded on everyone. They're all stable. I didn't do pre-op on your next patient because I wasn't sure it you wanted me to do that or someone else, since that seems to be your pattern lately."
Swan sighed, guilt covering her face. "I apologize if I've made it feel as if I am out to get you. That is not my intention." She paused. "Mr. Hopper is next, correct? If his labs are good, let's—" She cut herself off, reaching into her pocket and extracting her phone. "Excuse me for a moment."
He watched her walk a couple feet away and answer her phone. He couldn't hear much, only bits and pieces. "Be there," "cake, yes," and "of course" were the only things he heard.
She hung up and came back over. "Right, where were we? Yes, go ahead and prep Dr. Hopper. Can you explain to me all the steps of bowel resection?"
He straightened up and went through the steps at a steady pace, hoping that he had impressed her. She was nodding toward the end.
"After prep, come and scrub in with me. If you behave well, you can join me on my service for the week." She turned on her heel and walked away. He bounded off to Mr. Hopper's room.
Emma turned into the facility, parking her car very carefully as to not ruin the cake in her front seat. She had to take a deep breath before getting out of the car, cake balanced in her hand along with her bag. She went inside the building and went to the receptionist.
The receptionist recognized her immediately. "Hello, Dr. Swan! I'll take that for you!" She came around the desk and took the cake from Emma's hands. "Family Night has already started. Just head on into the main relaxation room."
Emma nodded, smiling, and headed toward the room. There were a bunch of family members milling about with their loved ones, eating cake, talking and laughing with each other. She saw Regina hanging out by the beverages. They gave each other a small nod of recognition.
She found Ingrid in the back corner, by the bay window, staring out into the aviary.
She sat down in the chair across from her. "Hey, Mom."
Ingrid turned her head. She cocked it slightly, examining Emma closely. "I need to pick up Emma from school. I need to pick up my daughter and the bus is late!" Her panic was drawing the attention of the other residents, and a couple of nurses look like they were going to be involved.
Emma put her hand on Ingrid's. "Mom. Mom. It's me. It's Emma. I'm right here." Ingrid stared, her brain as war with itself. "You got me from school. You had someone cover your shift. We spent the entire evening together. We baked a cake and watched Back to the Future together. It's okay."
Ingrid gaped at their hands. Her eyes slowly went to Emma's. "Emma? When did you become a grown-up?"
"What?" Emma's mouth dropped. She recognized her? Normally Ingrid saw her as age fourteen. Ingrid was so rarely lucid. Normally Emma wasn't around for these moments. "You've been gone for awhile, Mom. I'm a doctor now."
"You're a doctor?" Ingrid's eyes filled with tears. "You really did it?"
"That's right. I'm the best damn general surgeon in Massachusetts. I couldn't have done it without all those late nights at the diner."
"Do Anna and Elsa still live in the house?"
"Not anymore. Anna moved out a few years ago, after she got married. Elsa lives above her bakery. We all still get together once a month and have family dinners. We always leave a spot for you." Emma gently wiped away the tears on her mother's face. "Your room is still untouched."
Ingrid grabbed Emma's hand and gripped it. "I'm sick, aren't I? That's why I don't remember any of this. That's why you look so sad."
She never could lie to her. "Yes. You're very sick." She hesitated, swallowing the lump that had formed in her throat. "And you won't get better. We only get small moments like these."
"Oh." There was a moment of silence before Ingrid changed her demeanor. "Then let's make the most of it. Is that cake I see?"
Killian was at the hospital. He and Tink were pulling an all-nighter to monitor critical patients for Swan and Mills. They were on hour 38 of no sleep and no amount of coffee could make them feel awake.
"So Dr. Mills gave me the job of monitoring every single one of her CCU patients tonight," Tink was saying as the two took a break in one of the lounges. "Do you know how many that is? There are people who come here from around the country, some around the world here just for her. She's a god."
Killian stabbed into his leftover pasta from lunch. "Her mother was the world's most renowned heart surgeon, of course she's a god. Cora Mills brought people back from the dead. If her daughter wasn't just as good, if not better, I'm pretty sure the universe would collapse."
"It's a privilege to work under her." She stirred her fifth cup of coffee mindlessly. "She likes to insult though. Calls me names if I forget a detail or show up a few seconds late when she pages."
"That's because we're they're bitches," he responded, giving Tink a cheeky smile. "We're the bottom of the food chain and they will never let us forget that. Just look at what they did to poor Astrid. She wants to quit now."
"That was the entire point. If she wants to quit now she will definitely want to quit later. She should leave and give her spot to someone who is worthy of a surgical internship. Surgeries fail all the time, surgeons fail, and they move on. You have to be able to move on if you want to continue being one. Otherwise you've wasted years of medical training for nothing."
Killian gave her a look. "It's our first week, Tink. There's no need to be so harsh."
"This is a cutthroat program. I won't apologize for making sure I get through it." She threw back the rest of her coffee and jumped up. "I'm going to round again."
Killian was left in silence. Hospitals are usually loud, but it was the opposite at night. The night shift nurses flipped through magazines and played Sudoku, the heart and BP monitors beeped steadily, and a few low volume TVs were heard in patient's rooms. Other than that, it was silent, and it was disturbing. He liked the bustle of activity during the day. It was a comfort he didn't find at home.
He tried going to an on-call room but found he couldn't sleep. The only way he could sleep was with his meds, but he wasn't allowed to take them at work. It could make him sleep through a page. He had been reluctant to take them at all once he started this internship. It didn't do him well to worry about missing an important call.
The hours passed slowly for him. Around four, other interns started showing up for pre-rounds. As they prepared to start their day, he changed his clothes and prepared to leave.
Ruby came in around 4:30, and began handing out assignments to everyone. "Tink, you're with Mills. Astrid; Boyd. Peter; the other Mills. Killian; Swan."
Killian walked up to her, keeping his voice low. "Actually, you need to put someone else on Swan's service. The chief allowed me to take the day off."
Ruby grunted. "Does it have to be today? We've got a lot of surgeries and patients—"
"Yes, it has to be today," he insisted. He pulled his jacket on. "Now, if you'll excuse me." He grabbed his bag from his locker and walked out. He could feel Ruby's confused eyes on his back.
He slammed into someone as he approached the front doors of the hospital. And, of course, it had to be Swan.
He'd accidentally knocked her purse out of her hands, scattering its contents across the floor. He heard her annoyed sigh as he bent down to help pick her things up. He gathered up a lot of pens, two tubes of lipstick, several pieces of wadded up paper, and a sandwich baggie filled with stick pretzels.
"I'm so sorry," he said, shoving things back into her purse and handing it back to her. "I wasn't watching where I was going."
She gave him a brief smile. "It's all right, accidents happen. Where are you going? Work is just starting." She seemed genuinely confused. Not angry, or annoyed, like she usually was.
"It's ending for me. I have the day off." He tugged on the straps of his messenger bag.
"Oh. I was hoping to get you in on a few surgeries today."
"Normally, I would be honored. But it's not a good day. I'll see you tomorrow."
Emma walked him go. Why was he acting so weird?
She found herself in Chief Blanchard's office ten minutes later.
"What can I do for you, Emma?" Mary Margaret asked. She set her pen down onto the papers she was signing.
Emma sat down on the chairs in front of the chief's desk. "I was just curious—do you know why Dr. Jones requested today off?"
"You know I can't reveal stuff like that. It's against the rules, a violation of privacy. All I know is that it's a personal day."
A personal day? Had something happened? "All right. Thank you." Emma went to leave the office when Chief Blanchard called her back.
"Hey, Emma?" she asked softly. Emma turned back to the chief, her hands on the door edges. "Do you mind telling me about what's going on with you and Killian?"
Emma's eyebrows knitted together. "There is nothing going on. He's just my intern." She paused. "Why would you think something is going on?"
"Well, first there was a conversation between you and Mrs. Somno that one of the nurses told me about. I won't go into detail about it, but the gist of it was about sleeping with the intern. And then at the bar the other night—you stayed behind to drink with him. I saw you two. You left together. And then the next day you were acting odd. So, tell me. Did something happen?"
Emma sat there in shock, mouth hanging open slightly. "Uh, well, um…" She tried to think of a way to word it. "Nothing happened between us in a manner that affects the way he or I work together."
"Very nicely worded. You may go now."
Killian opted to take a bus that day. He didn't trust his driving skills when he was this tired, and particularly on this day. He went through most of his working life without a car, so he was used to the bus system.
It took a little over an hour to get to his drop-off point, and another three blocks of walking to reach the apartment. He had to ring the bell in order to get in the building.
"Who is it?"
"Let me in, you ponce."
The buzzer went off and the door unlocked. Killian trekked his way up three flights of stairs and entered 3A. He found his brother shuffling around the kitchen, throwing food and drinks into a cooler.
"Liam, it's good to see you." He approached and gave Liam a hug. Killian hadn't seen his brother since the holidays. He'd been busy with his final year of med school from January to May, and his internship had started only a week after graduation. There had simply been no time.
"It's good to see you too. It's a shame I can only get you out here for holidays and funerals."
"I know, I'm sorry. But I'm here now." He looked around to make sure there was nothing left out. "Are you ready to go?"
Liam picked up the cooler and shook it. "Everything is packed away. I just need my jacket and my keys." The two shuffled out of the apartment and down to Liam's car. Soon they were driving off, a pit beginning to form in their stomachs.