"So, you're the girl we're supposed to kidnap, right?" I said to the bitch in question.

I couldn't believe my eyes, she just fluttered her eyebrows and stammered her next sentence, like she never got taken away or something. "I am Haruhi Suzumyia, captain of the S.O.S brigade! Why would you want to kidnap me, an ordinary high school student?" I see her then grab hold of the orange broad. "Wouldn't you prefer Mikuru instead? Just look at the size of her breasts, aren't they big?"

"My brother and I insist that you come with us, no questions asked." My brother said calmly, like he usually does.

"What if I said no, hm? What would you do then?"

"It would be appreciated if, again, you'll come with us."

"Maybe... I'll think it over."

In a shot of a blue moon, I seen my brother's eye twitch a little. Fuck, I've never seen him this upset since the mansion incident. Fucking master vampire goes up to him and challenges him to a fight that he knows my brother will lose. Talk about an unfair fight, am I right?

Some kid who looks like that guy we just turned into a ghoul got up and interrupted this 'bonding' session. Fucker thinks he can just interrupt any conversation he wants. "Hold on, before we go into more details, I want to ask for clarification on this... are you guys really vampires?"

"Yeah, what of it?"

Green shirt (he's wearing a green shirt) simply shook his head. "I mean, I can believe in time travelers, aliens, and ESPers. Hell, I've even believed in cannibalistic onis at one point, because of this one story where a woman goes to the mountain to give birth to a child but has no where to stay, so a elderly, decrepit looking woman decides to let her stay in her ruined hut. After she gives birth, the oni then wants to eat the newborn, which is crazy but I-"

"What's the point of that fucking excerpt?"

"I'm saying that even things like vampires don't seem that real. Vampire bats, maybe. Vampire humans? I'd like a raincheck on that fact please."

"Listen punk, we are vampires. We suck sweet fucking liquid from your vessels, and then you become whiter then Casper. I've drank so much blood that you should just call me a hemotologist. So, hear me out kid, just so you know before I do what's about to come, that I am a motherfucking vampire."

"Oh yeah? I'd like to see you prove it then." Of course we could prove it, I thought. I was about to suck the purple girl's sweet red liquid from her milk baskets when the ghoul I mentioned before showed up on queue, running quickly and hitting the table like a moron. I heard the other bastard's phone go off and he smiled as water streamed like bullets on his face. "I think... um... that's my sister. See ya l-l-later." Jeeze, he said that one a little too fast for casual conversation, and then the pussy just outright left the room. Whatever, I didn't need him anyway.

I saw the violet dame's mouth move and thought nothing of it, until I see the whole room turn into a scene that seemed to be straight out of one of those fucking sci-fi flicks I keep hearing my fwbs talking about. I quickly lunged towards her but I noticed my body couldn't move at all and my vision was getting darker. "The fuck? Let me go you crazy slut."

"What's happening? What's going on? Yuki, what are you doing? Why does Koizumi look like that?" Haruhi the whore said.

"Be patient Miss. Suzumiya. I am simply exploiting a crucial weakness in the temporary mainframe of the clubroom to permanently segregate the in-"

Before I noticed, my brother was already behind the glasses bitch and guess what? He fucking knocked the chick out like she was Mike Tyson. I cheered at that and Haruhi pigtails hopelessly tried to clothesline my bro, but he then knocked her out as well. I then looked at my brother with wide, dead, eyes at our beautiful scenes we so beatifically created in the moment. "Whoa, bro. I'd say that shit is great. One question though, how long will they be cold for? Especially genki pigtails over there."

"Don't worry about it brother of mine. I'd say give or take a couple of hours and then they're good as new. At least, that's what I want to suppose."

"Awesome then, so here's the game plan: We'll take Haruhi the whore over to our boss and hopefully get paid for this joke. Before we do that though, I'm fucking thirsty, you feeling me. I need a drink."

"Go ahead."

I smiled and quickly ran to the purple bitch and laid my fangs right into her neck. I slowly began sucking away. Iit tasted so damn good, you wouldn't believe it if I described the rich, smooth texture of her blood. I felt that even the island that had those lotus-eaters on them couldn't even begin to compare with the taste of this delight. I'd even go as far to say it was like she was from out of this world, you know. So, as much as I wanted to keep sucking her tomato sauce out of her fleshy neck, she soon began to look like she just sucked on the most sourest thing in the world, and also a bit dead, so that was my queue. "Alright bro, let's go deliver a package."

"Do you even know where our boss is?"

"Pfft, of course I do... well, sort of. I could always just guess the right place off a whim. Worked for this dad who tried to find this kid, so it can sure as hell work for me."

"And where, Jan, would be the first place to actually obtain a good guess for the location."

"It's so fucking obvious, right?"

"Right... neomnesia..."