Past: August 28th

Lucy pushed herself off her chair and opened the office doors. It was the end of august and North California was suffering from one of the worst dry spells in years. In a matter of weeks Charming had turned from colorful and blossoming to brown and dull. Lucy stood in the doorway and watched as Gemma came walking her way. She was wearing long dark jeans, 5-inch strappy sandals and a black blouse. Lucy didn't know how she managed, all she was wearing were black flats, jeans shorts and a tank-top, and she still felt too hot.
"Hi mama," Lucy smiled and gladly accepted the chilled water bottle Gemma handed her: "Thanks."
"How's it going?" Gemma nodded towards the large stack of unfiled invoices.
"Slow," Lucy sighed: "I have too many other things on my mind."
Gemma lay an arm around her shoulder and puller her close: "I told you, you don't have to work today."
"Thanks. But I want to work. At home I'd be thinking about it even more. At least here I have you to talk to and maybe I'll still see Jax today."
Gemma cocked her head to the side and eyed her: "How are things between you and Jax?"
Lucy scowled: "Even slower than my work pace today."
"That'll work itself out."
"He's leaving me hanging for his pure amusement."
Gemma laughed: "Well I think he just wants to see how serious you are about him."
"That's why he's dangling a different bitch in my face every evening I leave this place?" Lucy grunted while dropping back into her chair. Little drops of sweat ran down her neck and she tried cooling down by holding the cold bottle to her forehead.
Gemma shrugged: "Who knows what Jax' thinks? He's a man. They're all messed up in there." She tapped her index finger to her forehead.
Lucy couldn't help but laugh: "Amen to that."
Gemma grinned at her and sat down on the opposite side. Her desk was always very messy, while Lucy tried to keep hers organized and neat. Gemma leaned forward and rested her head on her folded hands.
"You been to Mira's grave already?"
Lucy shook her head: "No. I thought I'd go in my lunch break. Is that okay?"
"Of course baby. "
Lucy smiled and continued working. She was taking much more time than usual as her thought kept drifting back to her mother. Today was the 28th of August, the day her mother had died on, exactly 12 months ago. The same time Jax and she had been apart. Since she worked for TM they saw each other daily though. They would talk, laugh and sometimes even flirt, but almost every night she'd watch another girl cling to his body, her hands brushing up and down his body. One had even dared to grin at her. It made her sick and she knew that he was trying to make her jealous.
She pushed the thoughts about her mother and Jax from her mind and tried to concentrate on work. She wasn't making much progress but very slowly the stack of unfiled invoices shrunk.

After noon Lucy pushed the chair back and grabbed her purse.
"I'm gonna go see my mom."
Gemma smiled up at her and waved good-bye.
Lucy walked out of the office and pulled on her sunglasses. She was headed for her car, when someone called her name. She looked up and saw Jax jogging towards her.
"Hey," he breathed.
"Hi," Lucy replied, crossing her arms. She also stepped back to put some distance between them.
"Where are you going?"
"To see my mom."
He nodded and reached out for her. She pondered a second if she should let him touch her. He frowned and closed the distance between them, then pulled her into a bear hug and buried his face in her hair.
"You want me to come with you?" He whispered close to her ear. His breath was warm against her ear and a shiver slowly crept up her spine. He let go of her and she looked up at him. He was smiling down but she could also see concern in his eyes. Was he worried about her?
"If you want to," she mumbled.
"I want to." He took her hand and pulled her towards his bike. Their hands fit perfectly. Jax handed her his helmet, as she climbed on the bike behind him. She rested her hands on his hips, but Jax pulled them completely around his body so they touched in front of his belly. She closed her eyes and inhaled his scent, while he sped off the lot and towards the cemetery.
They reached it after a short 15 minute drive and Jax parked on the curb close to her mother's grave. She startled when Jax took her hand again and lead her towards it. Lucy was confused with his behavior and she almost pulled back, but the feelings it sparked where too good. His thumb softly stroked her hand, all the while their shoulders kept rubbing against each other. Everything felt so familiar. Lucy glanced up at him but he was looking straight ahead. In front of her mother's grave she got onto her knees and picked away some withered blossoms.
"Hi mama," she whispered and kissed two fingers before placing them against the tombstone.
Jax stood behind her while she tended to the flowers and prayed a little prayer. She bowed her head and closed her eyes speaking softly. Jax put one hand on her left shoulder. He didn't say anything as she finished her prayer. Slowly Lucy got up and wiped away the tears that had started falling.
"You okay, babe?" Jax asked worriedly. Lucy nodded and took a tentative step towards him. When he didn't step back, she leaned against his' chest. He wrapped his arms around her and rested his forehead against hers.
"Do you wanna go by your daddy?" Lucy asked while stepping out of his arms and away from him. She didn't know why he was suddenly so friendly, but she knew it would break her heart to see him with another girl later tonight.
"Nah, let's grab something to eat," he suggested and tried to take her hand. She pulled her arm away.
"What?" Jax asked, his hand still held out for her to grab.
Lucy shook her head: "Don't."
"What's the matter?" He asked, this time sounding slightly alarmed,
"Don't toy with me." She turned and stomped off towards the gate. Her mind was racing. She had really wanted to take his hand, to feel it in her own. But she knew as soon as she'd let him hold her, she'd get her hopes up again. She didn't want to hurt anymore. She heard him start the bike but she just kept on walking. He drove slowly next to her, watching her for a while before saying something.
"I'm sorry."
"Why'd you do that?"
"Old habit?" He suggested: "Please stop running."
Lucy slowed down and finally stopped.
"Please, get on." He said, holding out the helmet. She shot him an angry glance, walked past his bike and towards the exit. She heard the engine die down and suddenly two strong hands pulled her around.
"Why are you mad at me?" He barked. She didn't look at him.
"Because you try holding my hand now, but tonight you take some other girl to the apartment!" Lucy pushed him away and crossed her arms.
"I ….. I….." He stuttered. Lucy pulled up an eyebrow.
"What? You're just realizing how many girls you've shoved in my face the last couple of months? Ever since Wendy left you've been pushing me farther and farther away."
"It's none of your business who I take to the apartment," he hissed, but she could sense his uncertainty.
"I never said it was. But then don't take me here on my mother's death day and try to hold my hand." His gaze fell to the pavement.
"That is fucked up Jackson. Really fucked up," she didn't even sound angry anymore. She was so tired. Tired of holding back the pain, the tears and the anger.
"I'm sorry," he said after some time, but she just snorted and turned away from him.
"Congratulation, I'll take your 'sorry' back home with me and cuddle up to it, while you fuck some croweater back at the clubhouse."
"Lucy….," he started, but she cut him off.
"What?"
"You really hurt me," there were tears in his eyes, but he blinked them away: "Last year after your mom died. You fucking broke my heart. We've been together for so long and you kicked me out of your life like a filthy dog."
Lucy stared at him, her cheeks turning pink. She felt so ashamed. Suddenly all her emotions crashed down on her. She muffled a sob, turned and sprinted towards the exit. She heard Jax call after her, but she didn't stop. She had worked out quite a bit in the last few months but she felt like collapsing when she finally reached her apartment building. She pulled her keys out, unlocked the door and stepped inside. Inhaling deeply, she tried closing the door and screamed when it was pushed back. Stumbling into the apartment, she looked into Jax' disheveled face.
"What the fuck Lucy?" He barked, shutting the door behind him.
"Damit Jax, you fucking scared me," she exclaimed, letting herself fall on the sofa.
"Sorry." He fell down beside her and they both stared straight ahead, neither dared to look at the other. Finally Lucy broke the silence: "I am so ashamed. I should've never treated you that way."
Jax nodded: "Yeah you shouldn't have, but it's not like I treated you any better since the wedding. You told me how you felt about me and I couldn't get over myself."
Lucy turned towards him and placed a hand on his chest: "Let's just start over. We can try again."
Jax took her hand and kissed it softly: "I don't know if I can. There is so much shit between us. Maybe we can just go back to being friends for a while? Like we were before? I'm not saying I don't want you anymore, but I think we should take it slow."
His word hurt her, but she would take Jax any way she could. She held out her hand for him to shake.
"Friends," she said, then added: "that don't sleep with other people."
"Friends," he replied: "that don't sleep with other people."
She let go of his hand and smiled at him. Jax' eyes trailed down her face, over her breast, further down her body. His hand suddenly lay on her knee. Tingles shot right into her lower belly and she started breathing heavily.
"Do you want me?" Lucy asked, placing his hand higher up her thigh.
Jax leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on her cheek. His mouth was close to her ear as he whispered: "I always want you."
He went on to nibble on her ear, while his fingers slowly crawled underneath her top.
"Oh Jax, please don't stop," she moaned when his fingers reached her breasts.
Suddenly Lucy thought about what they were doing. Fooling around when they had just decided on taking things very slow. She knew that Jax wanted her just as bad as she wanted him, but she also knew that he didn't want to be with her right now.
Lucy took his hand away from her breast and pulled her shirt down. Jax shot her a confused look.
"You said you wanted to take things slow, this isn't 'taking it slow'."
"Yes, you are right, but now you've got me all hot and bothered," Jax nodded towards the bulge in his pants.
"Suck it up buddy," Lucy grinned and jumped off the sofa: "We need to get back to TM. Some of us have to work to earn a living."
Jax shot her an annoyed look, but got up as well.
"Fine, I'll take you," he grunted.

In the evening Lucy was happy to see Jax wait for her by the car. She hadn't told Gemma anything that had happened or the kind of weird deal they had made at her apartment. Jax held out his hand and she let her keys drop into it.
"I thought we'd get some pizza and watch a movie at your place."
Lucy smiled at him and got into the passenger's seat.
"Sounds great."
Half an hour later they were sitting on Lucy's couch, sharing a peperoni pizza and watching The Simpsons. They hadn't been able to decide on a movie yet, so Lucy had offered Jax the remote control. Before they had separated they had never watched shows together, only movies. She hadn't even known that he was into The Simpsons.
"So how was your day?" Lucy asked before taking a large bite of her pizza slice.
"Nothing much," Jax answered: "worked a bit on my bike, helped Clay with some club business."
Lucy nodded. The air between them felt charged and Lucy was hyperaware of every move Jackson made.
"I'm gonna go pee," she mumbled and got off the couch. Walking to the bathroom she knew he was checking her out, so she swayed her hips some more and ran her fingers through her hair.
Sitting on the toilette she wrote a quick message to Donna. The girls had stayed in touch after the wedding and Donna knew all about Lucy's troubles with Jax.

Jax wants to be just friends. Now he's here to watch some TV. Sexual tension is almost unbearable. Help me!

It didn't take long for Donna to answer. Lucy was just washing her hands when her phone vibrated.

We could still meet up for a drink. Joe's in 20?

"Donna and Opie want to meet us at Joe's in twenty minutes. You up for that?" Lucy called after opening the bathroom door.
"Sure," Jax got up from the couch and put on his hoody. Lucy grabbed her leather jacket in case it got chilly later tonight. Jax insisted on driving so Lucy handed him the keys and got in the passenger seat.
At Joe's, the only Diner next to Charlie's diner, Jax parked on the lot and the two of them chose a booth in the back. The waitress came and took their orders, diet Coke for Jax and a milk shake for Lucy.
"You still remember our first date here?" Jax asked nodding towards the booth they had sat in a few years ago.
"How could I forget," Lucy giggled: "you tried to feel me up before we had finished dinner."
Jax grinned: "Well I had been all hot for you for quite some time. I was happy to finally get the real deal."
"You horny bastard," Lucy chuckled. Jax looked like he was about to say more, but Opie's voice put an end to their flirting.
"How you doing brother," he patted Jax' back, before embracing Lucy in a hug.
"Hi Donna," Jax smiled and kissed her on the cheek.
Donna got in next to Lucy, while Opie sat down on the other side.
Opie started telling Jax all about the bike he thought about buying, which left enough privacy for Donna to lean over and ask a lot of questions.
"So you guys are friends now?"
"Friends who can barely stand ripping each other's clothes off," Lucy whispered. She could feel Jax' knee bumping against hers from time to time and she wondered how long they would be able to withstand.
"I think he's not going to keep this up for long," Donna mumbled into her ear, before turning her attention towards Opie, who had asked her a question.
Lucy looked at Jax and prayed to god Donna was right. This moment all she thought about was Jax and sex. She felt like a goddamn teenager again. She grinned, she was only nineteen that was technically still a teenager. With all the shit that had been going on the last year she had felt much older, but right now she felt just her age. Finally their drinks came and Lucy started slurping her milk shake. She couldn't really think about anything else but Jax' knee touching hers. She smiled to herself, this was just like when they were here the first time – too much sexual tension.
"I'm gonna go for a smoke. You wanna come?" Jax asked her, ripping her out of her thoughts.
"Sure," Lucy smiled and Donna let her out of the booth, but not before whispering a "Be careful" into her ear.
She followed Jax outside and leaned against the outer wall while he lit his cigarette. He took a long drag, while moving in towards her.
"I'm full of shit, you know that."
"What are you talking about?" Lucy was confused with his behavior. She knew this look. She had seen it thousands of times. He wanted her. She crossed her arms, trying to get some distance between them.
"Us being friends? That's bullshit. I want you, you want me. I've never stopped wanting you and I've hated you so bad for hurting me like that. I hate that I let all of this happen to you – to us."
"Jackson…"
"Let me finish," he barked and Lucy shut up: "I have beat myself up so many times in the last months. Letting you push me out of your life, I should've fought harder. But my pride made it impossible for me. I was stupid. Losing your mom and dad this way…. Fuck. It makes me sick that you had to endure all that without me. I've forgiven you a long time ago. I wanted to see you fight for me. The way you jumped that girl in the apartment…. I wanted to see more of that. I guess I'm a horrible person."
Lucy stared at him with her mouth wide open. She hadn't expected this. His words didn't really make that much sense, but she couldn't care less, this was a Jax Teller style love declaration. What more could she want?
"I'm sorry for everything I did."
"I don't fucking care what you did baby. We'll make it through anything."
Lucy smiled at him, as he leaned forward and brushed his lips over hers.
"Will you take me home?" She asked softly. He kissed her more passionately; she felt that kiss linger on her lips as they made their way back into the diner.
"We're going to go," Jax said and placed a couple of notes on the table.
"Night," Lucy waved at both of them and let Jax guide her outside. She could hear Donna and Opie laughing as the door fell closed behind them.

They barely made it back to Lucy's apartment. Jax was already missing his hoody when they pushed the front door open and tumbled into the living room. Jax picked her up and carried her to the bedroom without ever breaking their kiss.
"I love you," he breathed, leaving hot kisses all over her now bare chest.
"Me too," she moaned and in that second his lips trailed further down her body.
In a matter of minutes they were both naked and panting in unison.
"I've missed you so much."
Lucy kissed him fiercely, his words encouraging her even more.
Afterwards Lucy lied cuddled into his side. His arm holding her tight against his heart. They didn't talk for some time, but only listened to the other ones breathing.
"Don't ever leave me," Lucy whispered after some time, pulling Jax even closer.
"Never," he promised.