I had an interesting thought last night. Did you ever see that movie with Jack Black called "Envy"? I hope not because it's absolutely awful, but it reminded me a lot of my situation. It's about these two characters, one very grounded, and the other who comes up with all these crackpot get-rich-quick ideas. The one guy is just an ideas guy, he has no real practical knowledge about anything, he just constantly thinks of with these hare-brained products, calling the other guy to talk about them. Like a child, almost, one of those inquisitive but not-too-bright children that asks stuff like "Why don't they just make crime illegal?", or "Why don't we just build homes for homeless people?", and thinks he's solved all the world's problems. They're those kind of ideas, and I was a world-class scientist hired to work on one.

The Supernatural group was at Peggy all night. In fact, they got the bright idea to amputate the rest of her legs too so they wouldn't have to restrain her quite so much. Have you ever seen the ancient enemy of Humanity sporting four peg legs? It's goddamn hilarious.

I think one of them was starting to go a little crazy, just like I was. I saw him wheel over to Peggy with a syringe, jam it into her, pull the plunger, then quickly slide over to a lab animal on a nearby table. At that point he noticed that the syringe was full of gas, yelled "Shit!", and went back over to Peggy to get another sample. I watched him go through that same cycle four times before getting bored. One of the other scientists said he'd been watching for an hour, running experiments of his own. He theorized there was a correlation between the length of each cycle and the ambient air temperature in the room, and was playing with the thermostat while working on his formulas. I suppose I was just the first to break.

Gunther-Hagen snuck up behind me, and watched the fool go through his routine a few times himself. He dragged me along to the cafeteria, saying he skipped breakfast.

Our conversations were one of the few things keeping me from going any more insane. He seemed so happy, so unbroken, meanwhile I went on about my theory that I was living in a rehashed, terrible Jack Black film.
"I know what you mean, I had that same feeling for a while too"

"Had?" I asked, bewildered, "How are you so okay with all of this?"

He laughed, "I got to thinking it's more like that Bill Curry movie, 'Groundhog Day'".

I didn't follow, but he piqued my curiosity.
"Think about it. Those guys from the supernatural division are just screwing around, and that's okay. You could do that too if you wanted. We have all the resources in the world, and no consequences."

I thought for a moment. He was right too, but I wasn't exactly sure what I could do with this new information. Dr. GH must have noticed because he left me with the words "Now if you'll excuse me, we've got a peg-legged boarbatusk and his photos haven't yet been sold online"

That didn't really give me any ideas, or answer my unasked question either. He was in the procedural group, I was on analysis and supervision. He could do stuff like that, he could shove his hand up the Grimm's ass and use it as a hand puppet if he wanted. As long as the creature survived until that first deadline, it really didn't matter what he did or how he did it. I suppose I could probably get away that too even if I was in a different division, but it just didn't suit my tastes. How could I take advantage of my situation?

I couldn't do anything with the kids. We still technically needed them, even if our experiments would and could never progress to human experimentation phases. I'd love to take them out sometime, even just hang out with them, but they did already have caretakers. Truthfully I didn't even like kids, but I sympathized with them all the same. If I was stolen away from my home as a child, I'd have conjured all manner of ridiculous stories to explain it all away, and terrify myself unintentionally.

… Could that be an option? I thought. It gave me an idea, since this whole project may as well be headed and invented by children. In fact the project could only be expected to work in the world of bad fanfiction. Maybe I could find an answer there.

I snuck off to the bathroom and sat in the stall while I looked up some of that bad fanfiction on my scroll. I didn't have any experience in this world largely composed of teen angst, but it became immediately apparent that the "secret lab experiment" cliche was really big. I couldn't bring myself to actually read any of the stories, but the synopses made it abundantly clear exactly which aspects of reality were being ignored.

It was genuinely surprising just how much and how varied the stories were, even though I was only looking at the one cliche. Most of them split off into other other cliched plotlines, some devolved into premises so thoughtless that they could never become cliche, and very few tried anything unique, or in a unique way. I had to wonder if all fanfiction was like this.

But a few of the ideas seemed…. Fun. No less impossible than our current task, but they could be valuable side-projects. It would add some legitimacy if we ruled out a couple of these other ideas while we stalled for the next few weeks on the Grimm experiment. For all I knew, they'd set us right to work on these thoughtless experiments once this one reached its disappointing conclusion. They could pull some legal or blackmail bullshit and choose not to release us from our contracts for years, until we'd gone over every stupid idea under the sun. Best-case scenario, one of them actually works out and I become a hero.

I sauntered back over to my desk, and started on the day's paperwork, my mind abuzz with potential idiocy to put to the test. It almost felt like I was on autopilot, detached from my actions while my inner world returned to life. Before I knew it, the day was over. In fact, without noticing, I'd stayed longer than I'd intended. I took out my scroll and jotted down all the ideas I could find on my notepad before writing a short log for the day.

Day 4; 5:34 PM- All experiments have yielded no results, nor opportunity or idea for meaningful advancement (Records and files attached). As expected, there is no progress whatsoever. Until new courses of action present themselves, I think it prudent to devote a portion of this project's unused resources to alternative goals.