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Ch. 2 I've Been the Bull, I've Been the Whip

(CLARE)

"Are we going to find more flowers on your locker?" Drew teases as we walk into school Wednesdaymorning.

"Yeah I saw those I was going to ask who the secret admirer was?" Owen inquires joining the group.

"I don't know but it was very sweet," I smile thinking of Fitz.

"You sure it wasn't Eli he was flirting with you a lot yesterday," Drew remarks.

"I think Eli's style would be more literary prose and album covers," Adam comments and I nod in agreement.

We part from Owen and Drew and go to our lockers; the flowers are still up because I don't want to take them down. Adam and I get our books are hang out in the memorial garden until it's time for class. We work on our writing assignments in class and at the end we're put into groups for a project that's due next week. Adam, Eli and I are put into one group and given the project of modernizing Romeo and Juliet.

"You guys want to come over to my place after school to work the project?" Eli asks as we leave class.

"Doesn't your dad sleep in the afternoons?" Adam questions.

"It won't bother him, although maybe it is better if we don't go to my house," Eli responds.

"Well we can't go to mine, Dad might not mind that Adam is there but he won't like you being there. He barely even likes me to be alone with Adam," I comment rolling my eyes.

"Is your dad afraid you're going to do naughty things when you're alone with a boy?" Eli teases putting an arm around my shoulders.

"Yeah probably considering he doesn't keep his dating activities very secret," I comment but get a little thrill for his arm being around me.

"We can go to my house, Drew has football anyway," Adam responds.

"Cool see you guys in Media Studies," Eli waves running for auto shop.

Adam and walk I chemistry and sit at our desks. After chemistry we eat lunch with Alli and Dave and after lunch I have a spare. I decided last night I'd use my spare to explore the school and try to find where Fitz lives. I wait near my locker until the halls are fairly clear and then I walk to the back of school and the boiler room. I know how to get there but I've never been in. I'm fairly surprised to find the door unlocked, I hear a lot of noises but no one is inside it's just noises in the school. The boiler room itself seems fairly dark and small but I see another door at the back. It's also unlocked and there's a small stairway. Descending the stairway I find myself in a tunnel, small and dark with wires and pipes running through it. I look through the tunnel, there must be access to more of the tunnels from here, Fitz told me the tunnels ran under the school. It's so dark down here I can barely see, I run my hand along the wall to find my way.

Up ahead I see a grate in the floor, like a manhole cover of sorts, it must lead to tunnels further down. I bend down wrapping my hands around the metal slats and try to pull but it doesn't budge. The bars aren't thin and rounded but long and flat, I can hardly wrap my fingers around them and the edges dig into my hands. I try pulling again, pulling as hard as I can but my hands slip and I start to fall backwards. I gasp trying to find my footing and bracing expecting to fall on the ground. Instead I'm caught by a pair of arms and swooped up, instinctually my arms go around his neck. Despite the darkness I know who it is before he speaks.

"Clare what are you doing down here?" Fitz asks sounding worried, annoyed and happy all at once. He's wearing his oversized hood even in the darkness of the room. He seems more shadow than man but I'm not scared in the least bit, actually I feel rather happy to be in his arms.

"Looking for you, I wanted to know how to find you," I reply.

"I'll find you, you can't just go wandering the tunnels and underbelly of the school it's dangerous. And we don't live in the sewers," he admonishes looking at the grate I was trying to remove.

"Then how do you get into the school and how'd you know I was here?" I question as he sets me down.

"See you've hurt your hand I told you it's dangerous down here," he comments picking up my hand and looking at my palm, middle and ring finger that were cut and scraped by the grate. He also avoids both of my questions. Fitz takes a bandana from his pocket and wraps it around my hand. "You should go see the school nurse to have that cleaned and bandaged. Come on I'll walk you back to the boiler room," he insists putting his hand at the small of my back and guiding toward the entrance to the school again.

"You never answered my questions," I point out and stop walking.

"My world is a secret remember? If it were just me I would tell you everything, show you everything you wanted to see but it's not just my world. We don't trust outsiders, many of us have been hurt or suffered great tragedies and just couldn't cope with life out there anymore. I can't betray their trust by showing you, as much as I want to. I just knew you were down here I can't explain it exactly but I just knew. Now please go back and see the nurse," He asserts again.

"But…" I begin to argue as he opens the door and he speaks quickly to cut me off.

"I'll be watching you, looking out for you like Owen and Bianca," he says.

"They miss you, well I know Owen misses you he was sad when talking about you and I'm sure Bianca misses you too. Don't you think they'd be happier knowing you're alive than wondering what happened?"

"No let them think I took off after what happened, they don't need to see me like this," he responds.

"Fitz it's not that bad," I argue.

"It is, it's disfiguring and frightening I know it is and I don't want them to think of me this way," he contends having pushed the boiler room door open all the way. He waves for me to go through but my feet stay firmly planted on the steps.

"It's not so frightening and y…" I start to dispute but Fitz growls a little and cuts me off.

"You don't think this is frightening," he says and rips his hood off stepping into the light so his face is revealed.

I've seen his face before but he usually keeps it hidden by his hood or darkness. Despite seeing it for the first time only a couple of daysago I seem to have forgotten how truly bad the scarring is, how it disfigures him into a beastly looking creature rather than a teenage boy. His skin and flesh doesn't look human and the severity of it is heartbreaking and I react. Gasping and moving back with a hand to my mouth. I move back too quickly and lose my footing on the steps, I begin to fall back but Fitz moves with cat-like reflexes and grabs my arm pulling me up and through the door. I put my head on his chest, shameful tears rupture from my eyes and pour down my cheeks. I feel awful for being frightened again, for reacting how I did and making him feel terrible too, I saw it in his eyes. I tried telling him it wasn't so bad but I've seen his face before and I still shrunk away in fright and shock. After a few seconds Fitz slowly and timidly puts one arm around my back to hold me to him.

"I'm sorry," I blubber gripping his dark grey hoodie that is currently being saturated by my disgraced and apologetic tears. "I didn't mean to cower away like that, I've already seen it I knew how bad it was I don't know why I reacted that way I'm sorry."

"You reacted that way because you're human Clare. People will instinctually back away from anything scary or ugly looking. I know how I look and I know how everyone reacts, not just you. Even the people in the tunnels are scared at first because I look like a monster. That's why I live in the shadows. I don't want Owen and Bianca to see me like this I want them to remember me as they last saw me," he says and pulls me from his chest but I feel the reluctance when he does. "You need to go see the nurse. I may not want to be seen but I'll be watching, always."

I wipe my tears and look up at him, he's already put his hood back up to cover his face. I bite my lip still feeling badly for my reaction. I know he's not a monster, he's anything but a monster but I pulled away.

"Here you should take this back," I say taking his bandana from my hand.

He takes it and disappears through the door before I can say anything else. I leave the boiler room walking to the nurse's office. She cleans my hand and puts a few bandages around my fingers and the top of my palm. I spend the rest of my spare period in the library doing homework.

(FITZ)

"You missed dinner," Doc says coming in with a plate for me.

"I wasn't hungry," I reply.

I watched Clare, Owen and Bianca at school for a while after she came down looking for me but it started to become painful to watch her. They all have media studies together last period along with Drew, Adam and the new kid Eli. I know Eli likes Clare, I watch him flirt with her, I watch her smile and blush when he does. Worst of all I watch her bite her lip, sometimes all it takes is a look from him and she'll draw her lip between her teeth. Just a corner of her lip and the pink flesh turns white with the pressure from her teeth. Her eyes light up and her cheeks turn a little pink, it's such a shy flattered look like she doesn't believe she's pretty enough to have earned his affections. I want her so badly to look at me that way but she never will. Knowing this and watching them flirt it hurts, more than it should, more than any physical pain I've had and I stop watching. Slinking back into the shadows, to the tunnels and the dark where I belong. I've been laying on my bed staring at my stone ceiling ever since.

"It's better to let her go Fitz, she can't be part of this world and you can't be a part of hers. I wish it was different but you know what people are like," Doc advises setting the plate down and sitting on the edge of my bed.

"I can't, as much as it hurts I can't. I won't stop watching her and protecting her."

"I know you won't because you are the protector, you do it for everyone whether they know it or not. Many, if not all of us, down here rely on that protection and I know many of us would have been killed or injured if not for the protective instinct so deep inside you. Protect her and watch her as you do your other friends but let her go, let her live her life and find someone who…"

"Doesn't have to hide," I finish for him.

"No that's not what I was going to say. Someone who can be with her and is part of that world out there," Doc says giving me a somewhat scolding look.

"But it's true, she'll never look at me without seeing a monster."

"You should eat," Doc tells me leaving my room with a compassionate look. Since coming here he's been the closest thing I have to father.

I eat a little but I really don't have an appetite, I know Clare is at Adam's but so is Eli. Football practice is over but when I go to the whispering spot I can still hear Bianca's voice. The whispering spot is how I keep track of my friends in the school most of the time. A little corner of the boiler room where are all the vents and air ducts in the school seem to lead. You can hear conversations all over the school, sometimes it's hard to pick them apart and distinguish the various voices but I can usually pick out Owen and Bianca, they both have pretty loud voices. She's just leaving Bright Sparks so I follow her out, she waves to K.C. and Connor who are going home with Mr. Simpson. She starts her car and starts to pull out then stops again to talk on her phone. She sets the phone down after a minute and starts driving again but the car sputters and then backfires before dying.

Bianca gets out holding her backpack and slamming the door in annoyance and frustration. She kicks her car and starts walking so I follow her. I know the path to her aunt's apartment, the ravine and alleys run along or close to the streets she'll be walking. In the areas that don't I'll simply follow her at a distance. She gets past The Dot and the middle class area, she's only a couple of blocks from her apartment when she goes into a convenience store. I walk to the alley behind it, leaning on the wall and waiting for her. The alley is full of trash and darkness so I won't be seen. Four figures in hoodies and baggy jeans at the end of the alley catch my attention. I know the two at the front, Vince Bell and Anson Russ. In the summer between eighth and ninth grade Bianca began hanging with them, she was having a really hard time with her aunt, Owen was gone for most of the summer, Drew wasn't yet in the picture and I was dealing with Steve and Barry so I wasn't paying too much attention to what she was doing. I really wish I had been, she started dating Anson, doing drugs and Anson raped her, more than once. When Owen came back and we found out she was high and how they were treating her we got her out, with some help from Johnny's gang. They don't go to DeGrassi so normally we don't see them, they don't even live on this side of town so they shouldn't be here.

"Hey B what are you doing out here all by your lonesome?"

"Go to hell Anson," she spits back at him.

"I missed that fiery tongue of yours, I'll give you something to cool it off with," he says grabbing his crotch.

"Fuck you," Bianca replies. They circle her now and pull her into the alley, she kicks Vince in the nuts sending him to the ground but Anson shoves her to the wall.

"HEY ANSON YOU PUKE WHY DON'T YOU PICK ON SOMEONE THAT CAN TAKE YOU ALL ON?" I growl as menacingly as I can sound. Then I pick up a discarded hubcap in the alley tossing it like a Frisbee but with enough strength that when it hits Anson in the forehead it makes a CRACK that echoes through the alley.

Bianca seizes the opportunity to run, kneeing Anson in the nuts she takes off for home like I hoped she would. The two whose names I don't know look at Bianca running and back at Vince and Anson both doubled on the ground in pain.

"Get that mother fucker he let B get away," Anson growls and they come after me.

I duck around the corner behind the building and wait for the two of them. They come around a second a later but I'm prepared, grabbing them by the hoodies I whirl them around and slam their faces into the wall. They make grunts and fall back to the pavement unconscious.

"Micah, Jim do you have him? Don't kill him yet I want to get a few punches in," Anson calls and I hear walking around the corner. There's a pipe running over the door so I leap up and grab it, swinging up and out of sight.

"Yeah me too I'm going to make that little pussy pay," Vince calls. "Micah, Jim wha…" they stop when they see their buddies on the ground.

"Where is that fucker I'm going to rip him a new a…"

"Looking for me?" I interrupt making them both turn around as I swing down and thereby kick them both in the chest. They fall to the ground coughing and I get on top of Anson sitting on his chest so it's even harder for him to breathe. I make sure my hood is down enough that they can't see me, although he may be too dizzy to see me anyway. "Stay away from Bianca, go near her again and you'll regret it. If I so much as hear that you plucked a hair from her head I'll break all your fingers just for doing so. Just think what I'll do if you touch her in any other way. You and all your little gang members stay the hell away from Bi…" I stop when I get hit hard from behind. I feel the impact but very little pain.

"What the fuck? You should have gone down, what are you wearing body armor?" Vince questions confused and surprised the blow didn't knock me down. I turn back to see he hit me with a long jagged piece of wood that has a couple nails at the end that he hit me with.

"Can't really feel pain back there, all the nerve endings got burnt so bad most of them don't even work now. They didn't mend properly Doc told me," I comment standing up and putting my hoodie down so he can see my burned and scarred face.

"Shit!" Vince says but he's so shocked I grab his shoulders and connect his forehead to my knee. Vince goes down semi-conscious and Anson struggles to get up. I put my hood back up and kick Anson in the stomach so he struggles to breathe again.

"Stay away from Bianca, all of you," I growl and stroll out of the alley since they're all down. I walk to Bianca's building and go up by the fire escape to make sure Bianca got home just fine. I see her in her room doing homework so I go home myself. I might not have felt the pain of the board hitting me but I feel blood trickling down my arm, I guess the nails got me.

"What happened?" Doc asks when he sees me leaning in the doorway of his room.

"Bianca's ex tried to attack her," I tell him.

"Sit down and take off all of your top layers I need to see what the damage is," he says and I sit on his bed taking off my hoodie and shirt. "You know sometimes I wish you wouldn't always try to play the hero," he reprimands but there's also pride in his voice. "What did you get hit with?" Doc questions as he starts cleaning it.

"A board with nails in it."

"You'll need a tetanus shot, you'll have a bruise too. You'll feel it, at least a little it will make your muscles stiff. I'll send someone to one of our friends above to get you a shot. For now take this, a blanket antibiotic to keep away infection and go lay down," Doc orders.

"Thanks Doc," I smile grabbing my hoodie and shirt and go to my room. I don't care that I got hurt only that Bianca is safe.

(CLARE)

"What happened to your hand?" Adam questions when I walk into media studies with my hand bandaged.

"I was outside doing homework and cut my hand on the table," I lie but it's slightly awkward and Adam gives me a look that says he doesn't believe me.

"I'll kiss it better," Eli comments as we sit down. He puts my hand in his and softly kisses the bandage.

I bite my lip habitually and feel myself blush. I feel Fitz watching too, I know he's here and I look down. Miss Oh comes in and starts class, each table is given an assignment to turn in at the end of class. Eli flirts with me a bit more and a short time after class starts I feel Fitz's presence suddenly gone. After school Drew and Owen have football and Bianca has Bright Sparks while Eli, Adam and I have our writers craft project to work on. We say goodbye to them and Eli takes us all in his hearse to Adam's house. We sit in the basement and begin on the script for our project.

"So Clare will play Juliet obviously and I'll be Romeo, on account that I'm so familiar with the material," Eli remarks.

"What if Clare doesn't want to kiss you?" Adam teases.

"You want to kiss me don't you Edwards," Eli smirks.

"I uh, I'm going to get a drink anyone want anything?" I ask getting up and avoiding Eli's question. The boys shake their heads and I go to the fridge to get some juice. We get back to work on the project and we're just fine tuning the script when Owen and Drew arrive.

"Mom and Dad are at a dinner she said to order pizza so I invited Owen over," Drew explains.

"You two want to stay for dinner?" Adam asks.

"Great I love pizza," Eli responds.

"I should probably get home," I reply getting out my phone to see the time. Instead I find a text from Dad, he's bringing a date home and tells me to stay out late. "Never mind," I comment.

"You sleeping over again?" Adam questions.

"If it's okay?"

"Why don't we just adopt her and have her move in permanently?" Drew chides.

"You know it's fine," Adam smiles.

"I think she just likes being surrounded by so many guys, probably wants to kiss us all," Eli jokes and I blush.

"No way Clare's too prudish she's barely even kissed," Owen remarks.

"I am not and I've kissed plenty of guys," I argue, "K.C. for one."

"Who left you for Jenna because you wouldn't have sex with him," Owen reminds me and Adam smacks him upside the head.

"There was Declan and Wesley," I tell them.

"My mistake you've kissed three whole guys," Owen says.

"Leave her alone," Drew admonishes him.

"Hey I didn't say it was a bad thing. It's good when a girl doesn't just show off all her skin and just sleeps with first guy that smiles at her. Shows she has self-respect, I like a girl with self-respect," Owen tells me and I smile.

"I agree," Eli nods and I turn to smile at him, I barely turn my head and he presses his lips to mine. "And now you've kissed four boys," he smirks and I blush.

"I bet you've been waiting to do that all afternoon," Adam teases and Eli glowers at him.

"Pizza's on it's way, I got three large and breadsticks. We need plates from upstairs," Drew tells us.

"Eli help me get the plates," Adam requests and they go upstairs.

"I bet you and Eli will be dating by the end of the week," Drew comments sitting on the sofa.

"We're just flirting I barely know him."

"Yeah but he likes you, and you like him," Owen remarks.

"Have you ever liked more than one girl at a time?" I ask the two jocks.

"Are you kidding? I always have at least ten crushes simultaneously," Owen replies with a grin.

"Which may be why you never have a steady relationship with one girl," Drew chides him and Owen shoots him a look. "So who are the dual crushes Clare?" Drew questions.

"The other boy doesn't go to our school you wouldn't know him," I respond.

"Ooh mysterious," Drew jokes.

"Yes he is," I nod just as Eli and Adam come back down with plates and napkins.

We all eat pizza, while doing homework. Eli, Adam and I were so busy working on our project that we didn't do the rest of our homework. Owen leaves a little after ten when the Torres parents are back, they say it's fine for me to stay. Eli leaves a little after Owen and we go to bed a little after midnight. I keep hoping Fitz will come like last night but I don't see him. He's in my dreams though, I see him there, still hiding in shadow even in my dreams. Omar leaves before we're even up for breakfast. After we eat and we're ready for school Drew drives the three of us to school. After arriving and walking inside Drew joins a good number of the football players right inside the school. Mr. Bettankamp calls Adam over and I go to my locker, after getting out my books I go sit on a bench in the hall looking at our script for class. I see Bianca leaning on her locker down the hall and she looks tired. I'm not the only one to notice as Owen comes up to his locker and gives Bianca a concerned look.

"You look like you didn't sleep at all last night," Owen comments.

"Didn't get much, saw Anson and Vince last night, with two of their cronies," Bianca replies and Owen suddenly changes. His posture gets straight and stiff, his chest puffs out, his face goes red and his eyes wide.

"Tell me I just fucking heard you wrong? Did they do anything? Did they touch you?" Owen growls.

"They tried, they wanted to. I kicked a little ass and then this guy at the end of the alley called to them. He had this growling sort of inhuman voice but there was something familiar about it too. He threw a hubcap right at Anson's head and while they were distracted by him I took off and ran home. Still couldn't sleep I kept worrying they'd come to the apartment."

"So who saved you?" Owen inquires but I already know who saved her and I smile.

"I don't know I never saw the guy he was only in shadow," Bianca shrugs.

"So you were saved by Batman then. What they hell were you doing alone in an alley at night in their neighborhood?"

"I was in my neighborhood not theirs, my car broke down as I was leaving last night and I had to walk home. I got a couple of the teachers to push it back into a parking spot this morning but I don't know what's wrong and I can't afford to fix it," she informs him.

"Yeah well you're not walking home again, not alone. If they came to your neighborhood they were probably looking for you. Stay at Drew's tonight and if you need a ride again call me or him," Owen orders her.

"Yes Dad," she shoots back sardonically.

"I'm not kidding B; they get their hands on you…"

"Owen I know, I appreciate the concern and I promise not to walk home alone," she smiles kissing Owen's cheek.

"Hey where's my morning kiss?" Drew whines from down the hall.

"Right here Babe," she replies attacking her boyfriend's lips.

I want to go tell her it was Fitz, tell them he's alive and watches out for them. I want to but I promised I wouldn't and he's afraid of how they'll react, how they'll see him. Given how I reacted yesterday I can't blame him.

"Are you watching my brother and Bianca make out for a reason?" Adam inquires in low voice as he sits next to me.

"No I was just spacing out, what time is it? When do classes start?"

"Fifteen minutes why?"

"I need to go to the library," I reply getting up. Adam follows me to the library and start looking at the shelves for what I want.

"Okay now why do you need the yearbook from two years ago?" Adam inquires when I find the book I'm looking for.

"Looking for someone," I reply leafing through the yearbook. I don't even know Fitz's last name but I want to see him. I see Bianca and Owen, Johnny, Bruce, Riley, Zane, Sav, Anya, Holly J and a bunch of other people I'm familiar with but no Fitz. I don't see the name Fitz anywhere or anything that sounds like Fitz, or anyone that looks like him. "He isn't here," I sigh setting the book down.

"Who?"

"Never mind come on let's get to class."

Adam shrugs and we go to class but I decide to go back to the boiler room and the room beyond it on my spare again. Fitz came there once maybe it will work again. I'll also try to talk to Owen and maybe even Bianca at lunch, they knew him maybe they'll have Fitz's picture. I have so many questions, so much I want to know and no matter how much I flirt with Eli I can't get Fitz off my mind.

Update Friday May 15th likely picking up at lunch and Clare asking questions. Also including Fitz and more of his world as his relationship with Clare deepens. But she also gets closer to Eli.