Winners for last week's poll are up on the DeGrassi Saviors website and new character polls are up. These are the last character polls you will be voting on so make your votes count! This week it's Fitz, Dallas and Mia. Be sure and get your votes in the poll will stay up for one week. Next week will begin the voting for various couples.
Also check out the new additions to the DeGrassi Saviors homepage. And on my page check out the calendars on my page that list my writing schedule through July.
Ch. 6 Straight through the Ghettos without Lights
(FITZ)
"Fitz stay here with me tonight please?" Clare pleads.
"I can't what if someone found me here, if Drew or Adam found me here they'd call the cops," I comment.
"No they won't I'll tell them y…"
"Clare there's nothing you could tell them; even if they didn't have me arrested you know how they'd react to the sight of me."
"Then they won't find you here, I'll set my alarm you can leave early. Please Fitz I feel better when I'm with you, I can't get to sleep because I keep thinking about my father and what he did, how he chose that…that…whore," Clare spits out the word and begins to tear up.
The tears in her eyes rip at my heart, to know that someone who is supposed to love her unconditionally did something so hurtful. That her father put his needs before hers and cast her out.
"I'll stay," I tell her and she looks up with a gentle smile moving aside to let me in. "Only until you fall asleep so no one finds me here," I add. Clare closes and locks the sliding glass door and walks back to the bed in the far part of the basement. She gets in the bed and I lean against the dresser.
"Sit on the bed at least," she insists reaching out, "you act as though you're afraid to hold me."
She grabs the bottom of my hoodie pulling me forward. She moves over leaving a space for me to sit. I sit down with my boots off the bed, when I'm sitting Clare sits up a little and puts my arm around her lying her head on my chest. The feel of her in my arms, on my chest, it's a feeling I don't want to go away. I know this will make it so much harder for me to let her go, to watch her be with Eli. I know it will hurt later but right now it feels so good.
"Not afraid to hold you, afraid to let you go," I whisper as she begins to sob softly of my chest.
I don't think she even heard me but it's probably better that way. She cries gently for a while, then it slowly begins to stop, her body becomes heavy and I know she's asleep. I gently lift her from me and lay her on the bed pulling the blanket over her a little more before quietly leaving through the basement door again. I walk through the dark night but not home, first to The Dot which is closed but I wouldn't have gone in anyway there is however roof access from the alley. I leap from the trashcan to the ladder and climb up, I live underground but I still love to look at the stars. I don't feel so scarred, so hideous looking when I'm looking up at the stars, I just feel like a very small part of something very big. I start to get tired and after watching the stars for a bit I fall asleep. I wake up with the dawn, my hood fell back in my sleep and the sun hits my face and my scars. I don't go out into the sun, not without my hood up and the scarring on my face and the rest of me has never really been in the sun, I went from the hospital to living in the tunnels. The sun kind of burns and I fix my hood quickly. I get down from the roof to the darkness of the alley and follow the darkness back to my home. After eating breakfast I go to my room and sleep for a couple more hours.
When I wake up I go into the school, not where anyone can see me of course but to keep an eye on Clare, Owen and Bianca. Owen and Bianca are both in auto shop and Clare is in chemistry, she looks a little happier today but she still looks sad. I keep watching when they leave class and go to lunch. All of them eat together out on the football bleachers, the bleachers are more exposed it's harder to hide in the shadows, harder but not impossible. There's always a part that's shadowed and staying under where they sit I can keep from being seen.
"…I don't want to go back there; I don't want to see either of them. I hate them I hate them both. I hate her for ever coming into our lives and I hate him for choosing her. I'm not going back to get my stuff until I know they're gone," Clare is saying in a sad voice.
"We can go and get your stuff, move you into Adam's place. I'd like to give your dad a piece of my mind for what he did," Owen growls.
"I still think it only needs to be temporary, you're only moving in until your dad gets his good sense back. You can stay as long as you need to," Adam tells Clare.
"I know, I was pretty much living there anyway but it still hurts and I still hate them," Clare complains.
"Yeah forget it you'll go back to our house with Adam and Bianca we can get your stuff later. You've got plenty of clothes and stuff at our house," Drew says.
I know Clare will spend her spare with Owen and he'll keep her safe so I leave before they're done with lunch. Back into the shadows and make my way to Clare's house. Her house is empty because her dad is still at work, so is her new stepmom. I can easily get into the house but I wait outside for her father to get home, he actually arrives home earlier than I was expecting. He pulls into the garage and I follow him in, the garage door begins to close as the car is in and when he gets out of the car I grab him. I grab his arms shoving him into some boxes.
"Don't hurt me take the car, take anything you want," he cowers from me and he hasn't even seen my face.
"I don't want money; I'm not here to rob you I'm here to remind you of what you lost, willingly lost. You're daughter needs you and you gave that up for your own selfish reasons. You're daughter needs you so grow up and be a fucking father," I growl at him.
"I deserve to be h…" he begins and I punch him to get him to shut up.
"You're happiness should not come at the sacrifice of your daughter. You're a parent you can't just make rash decisions you have to think about your daughter she's fifteen and she still needs you. How could you turn your back on a wonderful person like Clare? If you can't be a fucking father then stay out of her life because if I ever hear that you hurt her again I'll be back and next time I won't be so friendly. Every time you're with Candy I want you to remember what you did to your daughter and know that your happiness is coming at the price of your relationship with Clare."
I punch him once more and it's hard enough to knock him out. Then I go into the house while her dad is still unconscious and up to Clare's room. While not entirely sure what's important to her to keep I can guess what means the most to her. I grab a few pictures of her and her friends, the book from her nightstand that's well-worn so I know she reads it often. I didn't really bring anything to carry this stuff in so I leave with what I have in my hands going out the back. I take them to the school and put them in Clare's locker, school has let out now but there's still a few people here at after school activities and sports. It doesn't matter I just look like another kid in a hoodie, so long as no one sees my face.
I return home to eat dinner and return to my room I make more of the paper flowers then write a note for Clare. When the school is dark and closed I return and put the flowers on her locker slipping the note inside. I go to Adam's to check on Clare, she's in the basement with the Torres brothers and Bianca. It looks like Bianca is sleeping over again tonight so I leave and return home, I know she's safe and if she needs me I'll be back.
(CLARE)
"So how was your first night at Adam's?" Eli asks as he joins me and Adam on the steps.
"My night was fine but it was far from my first night at Adam's," I reply.
"Yeah she practically lived there anyway now we just have a reason to bring more of her stuff over," Adam says.
"At first I thought my dad would come to his senses and tell me to come home but even if he did I don't want to be there with the two of them. It's not like he just asked her to move in he married her, a girl he knew for five minutes! I know I keep saying that but I really just don't understand how my father, a man who may not have been father of the year but was at least was reasonably stable, could just marry a woman out of the blue. The more I think about it the less I want to go back ever again, I've been abandoned by my entire family," I huff.
"Maybe not," Adam comments pointing at something. I follow his finger to see my dad pulling up in his car. He doesn't get out of the car but he looks over at me and rolls the window down. "You want me to come with you?" Adam asks.
"No I'll be okay I'll meet you guys inside," I tell them and walk down the steps to my dad's car. When I lean in the window I realize he has bruises on his face. "What happened to you?"
"Had a visit from a friend of yours last night, he broke in and assaulted me. You tell your friends to stay out of our business Clare. I don't need a child's opinion on how to live my life," Dad tells me.
"Then maybe you should stop acting like a child yourself," I hiss back.
"You can come home and be a part of this family at any time. I love you and I love Candy if you give her a chance you'll see that she's really quite nice. She wants to be your friend Clare."
"I honestly don't know who came to see you last night but I didn't ask anyone to do that. The things that truly scares me is that you didn't listen and that you don't seem to have any thought about me. Just when did you turn into such an apathetic asshole dad? Now let me make something very clear as long as Candy is a part of your family I won't be. I will always need my dad but I will never need a selfish apathetic man in the midst of a mid-life crisis."
I turn around and run up the steps before my dad can stop me. I'm angry, really angry and hurt, he didn't come to tell me he was sorry he came to bitch at me and tell me I was wrong. I don't even stop to talk to Eli and Adam just continue to march straight to my locker.
"Clare what happened?" Adam calls after me as he and Eli follow me.
"I don't want to talk about it; I don't even want to see him again," I reply with a bitter tone. The more I think about it the angrier and more hurt I feel. By the time I turn down the hallway with my locker I'm fuming, so angry I feel like hitting something. At least until I see my locker and then I let out a breath and I smile. It's decorated with paper flowers again, of course I already knew it was Fitz that went to see my dad last night but I wouldn't say anything. But now thinking about Fitz and what he did for me and seeing the flowers on my locker makes me smile.
"Your secret admirer is back," Adam teases as I open my locker.
Aside from the schoolbooks, posters and normal things in my locker I also find some of my favorite pictures and my favorite book. Fitz of course got them last night when he went to my house but my smile grows when I see them. There's a note on top which simply says thought I might need that stuff. Adam sees the stuff but merely gives me a look probably wondering how it ended up in my locker.
"So we should get a camera and film today," Eli comments, "you ready for our big kissing scene?"
"Hmm? Oh yeah we need to film today we'll need time to edit. You think we can use your parent's camera Adam? It's just as good if not better than anything the school has," I remark.
"Yeah I'm sure Mom will let us," Adam nods.
"So this mystery guy has he asked you on a date yet?" Eli questions.
"I don't think he's exactly the dating type," I reply getting out my book.
"You want to try again? How about dinner and a movie at my place tomorrow night?" Eli asks.
"Sure that sounds nice," I smile just as Adam closes his locker.
The three of us begin walking to class but I feel Fitz nearby, more than that I feel like he's in pain. Not physical pain though it's like he's sad, I can't explain how I know this, then again maybe I'm just crazy. I've never like two boys before, never been so torn. I like Eli for many reasons and yet the darkness inside him frightens me. I like Fitz for many reasons but I don't think we could ever truly be together.
In class we have a poetry assignment and work in groups so Eli, Adam and I all work in one group. When the bell rings Eli walks with Adam and I part way to chemistry before going to his own class. Alli and Jenna make comments about my locker when they come into class, asking if I know who the secret admirer is and things like that but I just shake my head.
"Come on," Adam says taking my hand as we leave chemistry class to the lunch bell ringing.
"Where are we going?" I question.
"To eat lunch," he replies.
"Isn't everyone doing that?"
"Probably but we're eating alone," he says.
"Okay," I reply slowly. I know Adam wants to talk about something, something he doesn't want anyone else to hear or we'd be eating at school. We walk to The Dot, get food to go and eat in the woods at the ravine, but not where the kids hang out, we're not far from the street but it's private.
"This secret admirer that likes to decorate your locker and leave you gifts he's also your guardian angel isn't he? The guardian angel that led Owen to you when Steve had you trapped in the storage room, and got your mother's ring back for you, they're the same person aren't they?"
"That sounded more like a statement than a question, you already know the answer," I reply.
"So then who is he?"
"I can't tell you, I promised I wouldn't."
"That doesn't make any sense Clare, if you know who this secret admirer/guardian angel is then he's not really a secret admirer. Why would you not be able to tell people? Why not just tell us or let us meet him or go out with him?"
"Because we can't, I can't…I know it doesn't make much sense but that's how it is. We're from two different worlds and he can't be a part of mine and I've sort of been banned from his," I tell Adam but the more I talk the more his eyebrows knit together.
"You know your life is starting to sound like a Shakespearian play or a romantic drama sci-fi movie. What do you mean you're from different worlds did he drop in from a parallel universe?"
"No he's from earth, even lives on earth he just doesn't…look I promised I wouldn't tell his world is secret and I can't betray that. I know it's confusing and your curious but after all he's done for me you can't really be worried that he'd hurt me. He's done nothing but care for me and protect me since I met him. He's really wonderful Adam and I wish you could meet him, maybe one day you can. We're not dating, not sure that's even possible with him and he keeps telling me to be with Eli."
"Okay and how do you feel? What do you want?"
"I don't know I like them both but only one of them I can really date. I do like Eli, but that dark part of him scares me."
"Look nothing says you have to date Eli, I know he likes you and I know you like him but if you have your doubts then talk to him. Maybe you're better as friends. And if you really like guardian angel guy then find a way to make it work. If it's truly what you want then needing to keep it secret might be worth it," Adam advises. I smile at Adam and we finish our lunch before going back into the school.
"Where were you two?" Eli questions when he sees us walk in.
"We were eating lunch alone, had some best friend things to talk about, although now that you're moving in quite possibly for good maybe it was a brotherly discussion," Adam comments.
"Does this mean I have to ask your permission to ask her on dates now?" Eli inquires with a slightly joking tone.
"No it means I have the same curfew as Drew and Adam now," I reply.
"So then we're still on for tomorrow night?" Eli asks.
"Yeah just have her back by eleven," Adam says.
"You know we haven't actually asked your parents if I can move in for good," I point out.
"We'll talk to them tonight at dinner but I'm sure they'll say yes, especially when we tell them what your dad did," Adam comments.
We spend the rest of lunch period with Eli but I have a spare after lunch and they both have class. I go to my locker to get my books and Owen finds me there, we spend our spare in the memorial garden doing homework and then walk to media studies. Drew and Owen have football practice after school and Eli drives Adam and I to the Torres house. After getting permission from his mom to use the camera we use Adam's back yard to film our scene for class.
"I think we should practice the kissing scene first," Eli remarks as Adam sets up the camera.
"Eli we don't need to practice that, let's just run through the whole thing once and then we'll film," I reply.
We run through the scene once with a quick kiss at the right time and then Adam turns on the camera. He calls action and Eli and I start saying our lines but this time instead of a quick kiss our lips stay locked. His fingers combing into my hair, his other hand pressing at the small of my back lightly, his lips part slightly and his tongue licks over my bottom lip. My lips open just a little, my tongue carefully sliding between my lips and kissing his tongue.
"Hey stop making out we have a movie to shoot," Adam admonishes. "I said cut now cut it out you two," Adam says a little louder.
"Sorry it felt right for the scene," Eli replies with a smirk and I bite my lip.
"Right well you can kiss her again I want to get a different angle but no more making out, this is not a date it's a school assignment," Adam comments.
We run the scene two more times while Adam shoots from different angles and so Eli and I kiss twice more. Only quick kisses this time, if we try to kiss too long Adam stops us.
"We'll edit tomorrow I should probably get home, see you guys tomorrow," Eli says when we're done.
"Later Eli," Adam says.
"See you tomorrow," I smile.
Eli waves and we watch him walk to his car and we go inside. Adam and I finish our homework in the basement. Drew gets home just before dinner and almost at the same time that Omar does.
"Sleeping over again Clare?" Audra asks.
"Actually she sort of needs to move in," Adam tells them.
"Yeah her dad went nuts and married some barely legal chick on Sunday," Drew enlightens them.
"Your father did what?" Audra exclaims choking on the bite she just took.
"He met this girl named Candy and I do mean girl she can't be more than twenty. I first met her on Friday and when I went home last night found out they got married on Sunday. He didn't tell me anything, didn't say anything, I come home to find out I have a new stepmom who probably graduated high school last summer assuming that she even finished high school. Then my father essentially tells me that I can either suck it up and live there with them or I can get out. That he deserves to be happy and it doesn't seem to matter what I want or need anymore. So I left. He came to the school this morning and told me pretty much the same thing. I can accept this girl as I my stepmom and be a part of their happy family or I can stay away."
"He's going through a midlife crisis," Drew comments.
"Midlife crisis or not I can't believe Randall would do such a thing. I mean honestly that's just terrible what kind of an example is that for your child. Marrying some stranger after a couple of days and kicking out your own daughter," Audra growls.
"We could take legal action however from the sounds of it I think it's better if you simply move in here whether it's temporary or permanent," Omar speaks up.
"Well of course you're moving in, you're here so much anyway we'll just need to bring over more of your things. Same rules as the boys have and you'll have chores," Audra tells me.
"I know and thanks," I smile.
After dinner Drew does his homework in the basement while Adam and I watch TV. We end up helping Drew a lot but I'm used to it. We stay up until midnight watching TV and then the brothers go up to bed. I brush my teeth in the washroom and when I come out I hear tapping at the door. Knowing it's Fitz I run to the glass door and open it, smiling when I see him even though he's cloaked in darkness and his hoodie so he's only a shadowed figure.
"Stay again, at least until I fall asleep," I request taking his hand and pulling him into the basement.
"Clare I shouldn't I only came to see you like I promised I would. Don't you have a date with Eli tomorrow?" He inquires in a whisper.
"That's tomorrow and I live here now so I'll have to be back by curfew," I tell him pulling him to what is now my room.
"Clare we can't, I mean I shouldn't be here," Fitz tries to argue.
"But I want you here, please I feel better when you're around. You tell me I can't ask about you so I stop, I stopped trying to find you but I like when you're around."
"And what about Eli?"
"We've only been a couple of dates, something I can't do with you, and I still don't know what I feel for Eli. I do know that I slept great last night because of you even after what happened. I do know that my dad came to the school angry this morning after your visit," I'm saying and Fitz speaks up before I can go any farther.
"I'm sorry did I make things worse?" He apologizes but he does sit on the bed.
"No they were already terrible, thank you for standing up to him and for the stuff you got from my room. Please stay Fitz help me get to sleep before you run back to the shadows. I spend all day knowing you're watching me and not being able to be with you."
"I'll stay but only until you're asleep," he tells me. I turn off the lights and get into the bed lying on Fitz's chest.
"Why do you always wear gloves?" I ask picking up his hands.
"Because my hands got burned," he replies.
"Take them off I want to feel your skin," I request.
"It doesn't feel much like skin, I thought you were supposed to be getting to sleep."
"Please take off the gloves, it's dark I can't see," I urge him.
"Go to sleep Clare it's nothing you want to see or feel, there's a reason I stay covered all the time," he replies stroking my hair back.
"But doesn't it get hot?" I inquire.
"I take them off in my room now get to sleep," he says again.
"I can't I keep thinking about my father," I respond.
"Close your eyes and relax, don't think about your dad anymore," he says rubbing my back slowly.
"Do you think I could see your world someday?" I ask with a yawn.
"Maybe someday Clare now get to sleep, if you can't fall asleep I should go."
"No don't go I'll fall asleep," gripping his hoodie, "I like having you here."
"I know that's sort of the problem," he replies.
"What do you mean?"
"Never mind get to sleep you have school in the morning."
I want to say more but I'm afraid he'll leave so I take his hand and hold it, tightly as I can hoping that he'll stay all night.
Update Thursday will begin with Clare's date with Eli.