Tony felt like he was dying or that he was going to kill himself. He thought back to when he had tried to and felt pathetic that he hadn't managed to do it properly. He hit his head against the glass wall slowly, just hard enough so that the sound echoed around the room as everyone else was close to sleep.
"Tony, you're my friend and I love you, but cut it the fuck out." Clint muttered and glared at him lightly. The archer sat with his back to Tony, watching Bruce as he slept. Just from Clint's back he could tell that he and Bruce were just as dirty and thin as he was now, and he was glad for the dirt on the glass so he wouldn't have to see his reflection. He looked around at the others, sighing as he looked at Steve's face, the other's eyes puffy and swollen from crying himself to sleep like he did every night.
"…I'm going to go crazy here." He said quietly and saw Clint give a small nod. The treatment here seemed better than at the hospital, but now they had to watch each other waste away in these tubs with no way to hide it like before. He hit his head one more time on the thick glass and closed his eyes.
He had given up not trying to think about Loki; he was far too gone to care about his pride or to consider whether or not Loki had actually left out of his own free will or if the man even cared about him like Tony had believed at one time. At this point, he just missed the man who had been the only thing keeping him tethered to reality, the only thing he felt was worth staying alive for. He realized that now, without Loki, he wanted it to be over. Without him, there was nothing worth looking forward to and he felt emptier than he had ever felt before when he had been alone. His eyes wandered and he met the eyes of the guards on duty and motioned for them to come close, which they did slowly. Clint turned to look at him, frowning, but figuring Tony just had to use the bathroom or something. "What is it, Stark?" A guard asked and Tony leaned his head back to look up at him.
"Nothing." he said. "I was just wondering... if you every get tired of being pieces of shit." he smirked and saw Clint's head snap to look at his with wide eyes. "I honestly don't know why you bother going on living." he hummed and the guards hit the glass.
"Be quiet, Stark, or you'll be sorry." One man hissed and glared at him but Tony smirked even more.
"Oh, hit a nerve, didn't I?" he purred and got on his knees to press closer to the part of the glass where the man stood. "You know what you do is wrong, don't you?" he grinned, with crazed eyes. "Bet it keeps you up at night. 'Am I doing the right thing?'" he breathed. "Bet you're ashamed, where you couldn't tell your families before out of duty, now you can't tell them out of shame."
The younger of the two guards, ripped the door open and dragged Tony out. "Shut up!" he screamed and began to beat him with the metal stick he had. "Shut up!" The man had tears in his eyes but Tony didn't care, just hoped he had riled the man up enough that this beating would kill him.
"Stop, stop!" The other guard pulled him off Tony and tossed him back, going to check whether Tony was still alive. "We have to take him to the infirmary." He hissed and picked Tony up carefully, though the other groaned as his broken ribs were shifted. He was close to losing consciousness but the pain kept him awake until they got to the infirmary and he hoped he wouldn't survive this before everything went dark.
When he woke, he was strapped to a table, with IVs sticking out of his body at different points and his chest wrapped in tight bandages. He didn't even feel disappointment at failing again, just stared up at the bright lights in the room and felt empty. He stared up until his head ached from the light and closed his eyes. He wasn't religious but if God would kill him then he would pray day and night.
He wondered something and shifted a bit on the bed before looking up at the ceiling again. This was probably not how people prayed to gods, but he doubted the god he was trying to address would care about formalities and he began to pray. 'Loki, I think we're past formalities' he smiled and thought of the kiss and tried to think hard, wondering if he was crazy for wanting to believe that this would work. 'You don't owe me anything... or fuck that, after what you did, you do owe me. Just... kill me, please." he sighed softly. "Or... or if you won't.. talk to me... What happened? Why did you and Thor leave us here? Was I stupid for believing that I meant something to you?' he sighed softly. 'Amen, I guess? I know that's not your religion but it's the only way I know to end a prayer.' He smiled a bit and closed his eyes, relaxing on the bed as best he could. He somehow felt better, not knowing if Loki could hear him or not but it gave him some type of hope. If it was for death or to see him again, he didn't know, but it was hope.
Loki walked around the castle quietly, looking for Thor, annoyed with the idiot blonde. Any suspicion that he had about something going on was confirmed by the fact that the blonde was avoiding him like the plague.
He had followed him a few times, when the blonde believed he could sneak out of the castle without anyone noticing and would catch him going to the bifrost and talking to Heimdell, their voices quiet. He'd done it a few times in the last week and each time, whatever Heimdell told him, the blonde's eyes would fill with guilt and regret. Thor had become distracted and their subjects were starting to notice; he was losing fights, no longer having the excuse of being injured to be able to fall back on and people were worried that when the time came he wouldn't be able to rule them properly.
Even though people still didn't trust Loki, they knew that they needed a leader and with how out of it Thor seemed to be they began to look to Loki. In the last few weeks, Odin had begun to assign him tasks that were reserved for the crown prince. Loki had had to lead a couple of small battles, just to keep the peace, and attended a few knighting ceremonies but they didn't interest him anymore. Where he had once desired to be king, or to be recognized or praised, it brought him little pleasure from these people or even Odin, but he still felt something missing.
Loki sneered as he wove through the throngs of guards that had been placed in the halls around Thor's room. He waited until the guards moved away from the door to make their rooms and slipped inside. He could hear the man moving around in the bathroom and waited, his arms crossed over his chest as Thor came out. "Loki, what-"
Loki raised a hand to cut him off. "What the hel is going on, Thor?" he demanded. "i know you're hiding something from me." he came closer to him, smirking as Thor stumbled back a bit. "What happened on Midgard? What don't you want me to know?" He jabbed Thor's chest with his finger.
Thor looked down and bit his lip. "Loki... I don't know what you're-" he stopped since he saw Loki didn't believe him. "Loki, I can't tell you. Just please don't ask, I can't say anything for the sake of everyone else." he sighed softly.
Loki frowned. "Everyone?" he asked and looked over his face, searching for answers. "Who is everyone?" he demanded. "Who else is involved in this?" Thor looked away from him.
"i can't tell you, Loki." he said "I want to, but I can't." He looked at him when Loki didn't say anything and frowned as his brother's eyes had gone cloudy. 'Loki... is someone... praying to you?" he asked softly and held his arm to led him to sit down. The occasionally got prayers, less now that the religion had died down, but they affected Loki much more than the rest of them because he rarely got them.
Loki listened to the quiet prayer, knowing the voice but not being quite able to place, and it made his chest ache so much that he felt like he couldn't breathe. He didn't know when he began crying but soon he was bent over, his arms wrapped around himself and tried to catch his breath and his head pulsed and the last few months came back, slamming into him with staggering force. "Tony..." he sobbed and his hands went to his face, crying into them when the prayer was over and Thor looked at him, stunned.
"Loki, I-" He froze as Loki glared at him, his eyes red and tears still streaming down his cheeks.
"You!" he hissed "You made me leave him behind!" He screamed and his magic pulsed in him wildly and tossed Thor like a rag doll against the wall. His eyes flashed violently as Thor fell to the ground, poised to attack again but Thor looked up at him sadly.
"I lost Steve too." He breathed. "If I hadn't agreed to bring you back, they would have killed you." He stood slowly. "What was I supposed to do?" He asked him and Loki took a step forward, his eyes still dangerous.
"Trust me." He hissed. "Trust me to take care of it. To protect him! Not wait until he's begging for death, thinking that I left him behind!" he pinned Thor back and trying his hardest not to kill him then and there. "Tell. Me. What. Happened." he demanded.