One Year Ago
Raito woke up with a start. He wasn't surprised that his night had been plagued with stress dreams. No, that definitely wasn't what surprised him.
After a moment of panic upon realizing that it wasn't his bed that he had just woke up in, the events of the pervious night settled into his brain. He let his eyes scan the room around him that he originally hadn't taken much notice to. His gaze stopped on the opposite side of the bed.
Misa was still asleep. He couldn't decide if that was a good thing or a bad thing. The best thing to do right now would be for him to leave. That wouldn't be fair to Misa, but the situation hadn't been fair to her from the beginning.
Yet, leaving meant running even farther. He was already running from who he was. That was what got him their in the first place. Could he really run away from what he'd done as well? Was he that sort of person?
"We're going to be late," Misa murmured from next to him.
"What?" Raito would be lying if he said that she hadn't startled him.
"It's a school day, silly," she sounded very tired.
"Right," Raito hadn't forgotten, but right now school wasn't the first thing on his mind. "I can leave if you want to get dressed."
"Yeah," her voice was heavier now.
"Or maybe we should talk," he wasn't sure where her thoughts on him stood, but he knew that this would help the both of them.
"Maybe," she didn't look at him.
"I'll wait in your kitchen," he decided.
He tried his best to fight off the wave of self-consciousness as he pulled himself out of bed and gathered his clothes off the floor.
"I think you're underwear is under the bed," Misa's tone had brightened now, and he could tell she was holding back a giggle.
"Okay," he didn't find this half as funny as she did. "Thanks."
"I was going to ask if you wanted to borrow mine," she joked. "I'm sure it would fit you."
"Is that an insult to me or to you?" He tried to keep what little respect he had left for himself as he reached under Misa's bed.
"You," she let herself giggle now.
Raito put his clothes on in her bathroom. They were the only two in the house. Misa had explained that her sister was out of town, and Raito had known for a while what happened to her parents. After pulling his shirt over his head, Raito found himself staring at his reflection in the bathroom mirror. It was odd. His face didn't look any different than it had the night before. He wasn't sure what he was expecting, but he hadn't thought everything would look the same. It was odd.
His clothes were wrinkled and he doubted he could go to school without at least one person noticing that he had worn the same outfit the day before. If he had to, he would lie about pulling an all nighter to study, but he had no excuse to why he couldn't be bothered to throw a different shirt on.
After leaving the bathroom, he waited five minutes for Misa to exit her room. She didn't look any different than she had the night before, and her clean dress concealed what Raito's clothes did not. He hadn't expected any different from her.
"So?" She sat down at the table next to him.
"Where do I start?" He honestly didn't know.
"With saying this was a mistake and begging me not to tell Kiyomi," she suggested, with an edge to her voice that he hadn't realized she was capable of.
"I'm sorry," he was sorry for the both of them. "It was a mistake, but not in the reason you think. If you want to tell Kiyomi, go ahead."
"You're kidding me?" She looked surprised, and Raito wasn't sure if this was good or bad.
"Not really."
"Do you want to break up with her?" Misa inquired.
"I don't know," this wasn't a lie.
"Do you love her?" She pressed.
"No," the answer came out before he could stop himself.
"You really are a jerk," she was laughing now.
"I don't mean to be," he muttered.
"Too bad, you are," she crossed her arms. "But I guess I am too."
"Only a little bit," he joked.
"I like you," she sighed.
"I'm sorry," he said again.
"I'm not over you," she added. "Am I wasting my time?"
"Yes," he admitted.
"Okay," she considered this. "Lucky Kiyomi."
"No," Raito smiled sadly. "She's not lucky at all."
"I hate her," Misa informed him.
"Because of me?" He wondered.
"Kinda," she shrugged. "Am I better than her?"
"Do you honestly want to know," he gave her a incredulous look, understanding exactlty what she was referring to.
"Yes," she beamed. "It will make me feel better."
"That's only if the answer is yes," he pointed out.
"But it is, isn't it?"
"Yeah, it is," he relented. "But I'm not the best person to judge."
"Why did you come here?" She asked him.
"It's complicated," he knew that he owed her a better answer than that. "I'm in over my head, so I'm running away from my problems."
"What problems?"
Raito almost told her.
"School," the words sounded just as fake as it felt.
"Oh," she didn't sound like her believed him. "I'm in over my head with something too. This might have made it worse."
"Same here."
"Can we be friends?" Her question caught him off guard.
"Yeah," he smiled at her. "I'd like that."
Raito left not long after that. Misa told him that she was going to go to school that day, but he wasn't sure if he should as well or not. He'd have to go home first to change his clothes and the idea of running into either of his parents and having to explain why he wasn't already at school didn't sound appealing to him in the slightest. Not knowing where else to go, he decided to head in the direction of his house. If his mother or father were home, he'd try to get in and out without them seeing him.
He was heading in this direction, and far too wrapped up in his own thoughts to take note of the people around him, when he collided with someone walking in the opposite direction.
"Sorry," he muttered, then froze when he saw who he had bumped into.
"Shouldn't you be in school?" Mikami asked him.
"Shouldn't you?" Raito snapped defensively. "What are you doing here? Are you stalking me or something?"
"Why would I be…?" Milkami just looked confused.
"Never mind," Raito realized how paranoid he sounded. "Why aren't you at school?"
"Sometimes I don't go," Mikami shrugged.
"Really? Does the rest of the student council know that their president likes to skip?" This time Raito heard the malice and defensiveness in his own voice. "Sorry, I'm in a bad mood. You don't have to justify not being there."
"Is that why you're skipping as well?" This question was fare enough.
"I'm not skipping," Raito tried to argue.
"Really?" Mikami did not believe him in the slightest.
"I'm not!" Raito exclaimed. "I was on my way home to get something."
"Weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday?" Mikami asked, Raito watched the gears turning in his mind as he came to the conclusion of what Raito had been up to that night. "Should I assume Takada will also be late today?"
"No," Raito said before he could stop himself. "I mean…It's not like that…You know what, I don't have to tell you anything!"
"Right," Mikami wasn't trying very hard to hide how humorous he found the situation. "And I don't have to ask your girlfriend why you were out all night and have sex hair."
"I don't have sex hair," Raito dismissed angrily. "Wait, do I?"
His hands went unconsciously to his hair. He thought he had checked it in Misa's bathroom. Only know did Mikami laugh. Despite the vexation Raito felt over hearing someone else laugh at him, he had to admit that—with a good douse of hindsight—his state was rather funny.
"Don't worry," Mikami said. "I hardly talk to Takada, I won't tell her anything."
"Thanks," Raito muttered. "Can I explain myself."
"If you want to," Mikami shrugged.
That was how Raito ended up letting Mikami buy him coffee that morning. Before he was fully aware of what he was doing, Raito was spilling all of his problems out for the other boy's scrutiny. Only after he had finished explaining what happened with Misa, did he realize how easy it had just been for him to come clean about his sexuality and the turmoil he was feeling hiding it.
"I knew you were gay," Mikami told Raito once the story was finished.
"Well, you would be the only one," he sighed. "I almost wish I sucked at hiding it."
"I'm surprised Misa couldn't tell," Mikami put in. "You'd think someone like her would be good at that sort of thing."
"Maybe," Raito wouldn't know.
"She's probably just blinded by love."
"Don't say that." The thought of what Misa felt for him being any strong than a crush or lust made Raito's stomach churn with guilt. "I shouldn't have slept with her."
"I don't see how that was supposed to make you feel any better," Mikami agreed. "Or how you enjoyed it at all."
"I pretend I'm straight," Raito tried to explain.
"Does that work?"
"Not really," he confessed. "With Misa it was easier than with Takada. I don't know what that says about either of them, or me for that matter."
"Nothing good," Mikami informed him.
"I should get going," Raito said.
"You're not going back to school after all of that, are you?" Mikami asked.
"No," Raito decided. "Maybe I'll go home, take a nap, and try to see if there is anything I can do to make things a little bit better."
"You could come out," Mikami suggested.
"Easy for you to say," Raito dismissed, then realized his mistake. "Sorry, I shouldn't have said that. Was it easy? For you to, I mean."
"No," Mikami answered. "It isn't easy for anyone."
"Right," this wasn't exactly what Raito wanted to hear.
"I can walk you home," Mikami suggested.
As they left the cafe, Mikami accidentally bumped into Raito.
"Sorry," he stated.
"Don't tell me we're doing that again," Raito laughed as he remembered class the day before.
"I wouldn't mind doing that again," Mikami made it clear that he was flirting. Raito wondered why no one ever came onto him subtly.
"Yeah," he felt himself smirk. "Maybe we should. It might help both of us."
Mikami's place was closer than Raito's. He said his parents were never around, and didn't elaborate much. Raito didn't ask, simply taking note of the fact that they would not be interrupted. In the back of his mind, Raito sarcastically laughed at how every attempt he made to make things better only ended in him making everything worse.
Thank you to Trash Lord Supreme, Corliss Kat, Callicanios, Wizard-Party-Forever, and America is Awesome for the reviews!