Author's Notes: I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry. I'm so sorry that I'm trying to find the Kaoru firefly farewell crying gif so I can post it on my tumblr (mymanicmarie dot tumblr dot com) and apologize for how sorry I am. But this had to be done. Again, I'm so so sorry.

Thanks for the all the reviews and favs and favourites. The RK fandom is the best fandom. Hopefully you guys don't come after me with torches for this. Again….1000 sorry's!

Beta: Sumiregusa (I'm so excited about some stuff of hers that I'm reading and again, best beta/inspiration around!)
Rating: T
Warnings: None
Disclaimer: Rurouni Kenshin is owned by Nobuhiro Watsuki. Persuasion is in the public domain, but was written by Jane Austen.

Chapter 8

She was persuaded to believe
the engagement a wrong thing: indiscreet, improper, hardly capable
of success, and not deserving it. But it was not a merely selfish caution,
under which she acted, in putting an end to it. Had she not
imagined herself consulting his good, even more than her own,
she could hardly have given him up. The belief of being prudent,
and self-denying, principally for his advantage, was her chief consolation,
under the misery of a parting, a final parting; and every consolation
was required, for she had to encounter all the additional pain of opinions,
on his side, totally unconvinced and unbending, and of his feeling himself
ill used by so forced a relinquishment. - Persuasion, Jane Austen

Kyoto, 1863

Kenshin washed his hands again in the bucket, trying to get the blood off before going inside to the inn. He had just returned from his latest mission. It had been a while since the echoing screams of his victims had bothered him, but now it seemed like he couldn't remove the blood from his hands. He had been in Kyoto for three months already, but it seemed like it had passed in an instant.

Closing his eyes, Kenshin thought back to his last happy moment, holding Kaoru in his arms as they watched the light from the rising sun enter her room. He had spent the night just holding her, committing her face, her eyes to memory to sustain him while he was alone in Kyoto. As the sun was rising he had left, again promising to return and marry her. She had promised to wait for him, and after they had one last kiss goodbye, he had left the dojo to meet Katsura and his new life in Kyoto.

Now after three months he was ready to return and make good on his promise. He had done everything that had been asked for him. The Hitokiri Battousai struck quickly and with deadly efficiency. None who had crossed swords with him had lived to tell the tale. But with each death he could feel a part of himself slipping away.

Kenshin finished washing up and entered the inn. It was early in the morning and he knew that Katsura would be up. Kenshin approached the sitting room and knocked gently on the door.

"Come in," Katsura called through the door. Kenshin entered and bowed. Katsura gestured towards the cushion across from him and Kenshin sat down.

"I take it your mission went well," asked Katsura. Kenshin nodded, knowing that he didn't have to give any more details than that.

"Is there anything you need, Kenshin?"

"I'd like to go back to Edo," Kenshin began, hesitant in Katsura's presence. He didn't know how the older man would treat his request.

"Oh?"

"Yes, I have a promise to keep."

"I see." Katsura looked at Kenshin pensively. "Will you be returning to Kyoto?"

"Yes."

"Alone?"

"No."

"Are you sure this is what you want?"

"I need her by my side." Kenshin looked down at his hands. "Now more than ever. " He fixed Katsura with an almost haunted look. These last few months had been difficult being apart but now, as the killing increased and he was starting to feel his sanity slip, Kenshin knew he needed Kaoru to keep him grounded, to give him a reason to fight.

"We don't normally take women with us Kenshin. What would she do? Where would she stay?"

"She'd stay here with me," Kenshin had already thought this through. "I've spoken to Okami-san. Kaoru could work here in the inn, helping out. And I'm sure she would be respected here by the others, as my wife."

"What about if you fall in battle?"

"I won't." Kenshin had no intention of dying any time soon. None he had faced could even touch him. Dying was not even a consideration.

Katsura laughed, but there was no joy in it. "Youth! I remember being young and feeling invincible." Katsura fixed Kenshin with a cold stare. "As long as you understand the consequences. Fine then, go to Edo. I expect you back within the month."

"What about the missions?"

"The Ishin Shishi will lay low for a while. You've been causing a lot of attention lately, and the rumours are the Shinsengumi are recruiting heavily and stepping up their patrols. It will be wise to step back a bit and lull them in to a false sense of peace."

Kenshin stood and went to his room to prepare for his trip. The sooner he left, the sooner he would be back with Kaoru, and then they would never be apart ever again.

ooooo

A little over a week later, Kenshin found himself at the gates of the Kamiya-dojo. Leaves scattered around the entrance. On his trip from Kyoto, Kenshin had followed the trees as they turned from green to yellow and orange, with fall coming quicker in the season to Edo than it did to Kyoto. He hoped that they would be able to return to Kyoto immediately, as he wanted to show Kaoru how beautiful the road had been.

Pulling his hat off his head, Kenshin walked through the gate and in to the courtyard. The dojo was quiet and Kenshin assumed that there were no classes today.

"Hello?" he called out. From inside the house, he heard some shuffling and footsteps. The shoji to the main room opened and Kaoru stood there, a strange look on her face. It didn't even register to Kenshin though, because as soon as the door slid open he was across the courtyard at godlike speed, leaping up to gather Kaoru in his arms. He clutched at her fiercely, letting her scent envelope him. She smelled so clean, so pure. Here there was no blood. Here there were no screams.

Kenshin pulled himself away from Kaoru's shoulder and tenderly took her face in his hands. He leaned forward and kissed her, trying to show her how much he missed her, how much he loved her, how much he needed her. She kissed him back, but after a few moments pulled back, ending the kiss and lowering his hands from her face.

"You came back," Kaoru said, tears brimming at the corners of her eyes.

"I promised I would," Kenshin gave her hands a squeeze. He smiled for what seemed like the first time in months, and pulled a small package out of his gi. "I bought you this, it's not big, but I wanted to give you something so that no matter what, you would have something to remind you of me." He pressed the package in her hands.

Kaoru hesitated, turning the package over in her hands.

"You didn't need to buy me anything." Kaoru tried to press it back into his hands but Kenshin refused. Kaoru slowly opened it, revealing the tama kanzashi he had purchased for her prior to leaving Kyoto. It was red with small flowers painted on it. Kaoru looked at it and him, and feeling a bit impatient Kenshin took it and placed it in her hair.

"Beautiful. Just like you." Kaoru blushed at his comment. Kenshin could feel the darkness that was constantly swirling around him start to slip away. Now that he was back with her, he felt like his mind was clear. This happiness with Kaoru, this was what he was fighting for. And now with her by his side, he knew he would have the strength to carry out his horrifying tasks as a hitokiri.

"I've missed you so much." Kenshin leaned in for another kiss but Kaoru dodged his advance and stepped back.

"Kaoru?" he questioned, noticing that she had that odd look on her face again, like she was fighting with herself. "What's wrong?"

"I…need to tell you something," Kaoru turned and took a few steps away. She was fidgeting nervously with her hands and wouldn't look him in the eye. This wasn't right. Kaoru normally bubbled with energy. Laughter and loving looks were the norm between them. But she was pale, and refusing to meet his eyes. The tears at her eyes did not seem to be of happiness. Kenshin felt his stomach drop as he realized that something was very wrong.

"Kenshin," Kaoru began trying to keep herself composed, "this summer was amazing, and I think that I got caught up in it all. But I know now, what I didn't realize then, and well…what I felt, it was fleeting and silly and childish and…"

"What are you trying to say?" Kenshin felt cold as panic set in.

"Kenshin, I…I don't love you. I'm sorry, but I can't marry you."

Kenshin stepped back, eyes wide. He felt like he had been stabbed by a thousand swords. Kaoru turned away from him, still refusing to meet his eyes.

"But…why?"

"I have a responsibility to my father, to the dojo. And I can't just run away to join you in Kyoto. Kenshin, we come from different worlds. I'm the daughter of a samurai, and you…have no family. Nothing to provide for me."

"We don't need that! Kaoru, don't you see, I'm fighting to give us a new future. Where everyone has a chance to be happy, where everyone is an equal." Kenshin grabbed at Kaoru, forcing her to face him. She fought to keep the calm mask on her face, but her eyes. Her eyes told a different story and he could see the pain and the heartbreak there. The lie. Suddenly it all made sense.

"Who said you couldn't marry me," Kenshin tried, but he couldn't keep the coldness out of his voice.

"Kenshin, what…no. No one. I realized after you were gone that…"

"Don't lie to me! Where is your father?" Kaoru struggled, trying to push him away. He could see the fear in her face, fear at what he would do if he confronted her father. He instantly let go of her, realizing what had flashed through his head.

"Please Kenshin, please you need to understand, I can't marry you. I won't disappoint him. We would have nothing. No dowry. No inheritance. We would be alone. And I can't leave my father. I'm all he has left. Please don't. Please." Kaoru begged him. Kenshin couldn't believe this was happening.

"And I'd just be a burden to you." Kaoru continued. "You can't have a wife there with you in Kyoto. Having to keep me safe. What happens if they find out about me? You need to be free. This is better. For you. And for me."

"How can you say that?!" Kenshin almost yelled. "I need you!"

Kaoru's face softened, and finally the tears fell. "No you don't" she said as the tears ran down her cheeks. Kenshin reached forward to wipe them away but again, she stepped out of his reach, almost afraid to let him touch her.

"But…," Kenshin struggled, "you love me. I love you."

"I can't…I don't. Please, I think you should leave now…"

"Like hell I…" Kenshin started to say, but was interrupted by a gruff voice.

"What's going on here," Kamiya said as he came in to the dojo courtyard, Tae by his side. Kaoru wiped her eyes with the sleeve of her kimono, and walked over to her father.

"Nothing, Father," Kaoru said. By sheer force of will, a calm mask slid over her face. "Himura-san just stopped by to say hello."

Kamiya levelled a fierce glare at Kenshin. "I see."

Kenshin looked back from Kaoru to her father, and then back again in disbelief. His mind churned. He glanced at Tae and he could see pity in her face. So she knows too, Kenshin thought. Damn it all to hell.

"Kamiya-san, I have come here to ask for your daughter's hand in marriage." Kenshin stood straight, not willing to give up.

"And what did she say?"

"When I first asked her three months ago she said yes."

"And now?"

"She refused me, but I know she is lying."

"Are you?" Kamiya asked his daughter.

"No Father," Kaoru said. "I do not wish to marry Himura-san."

"It seems you have your answer."

"Why?" Kenshin growled out. But instead of Kaoru answering, Kamiya spoke up.

"Our family is an old and noble samurai line. Kaoru has a duty to our family and our dojo to continue that. Something that I doubt a hitokiri like you could understand. I would never allow someone as disgraceful as you to marry my daughter."

Kenshin clenched his fists. Fierce anger coursed through him. How dare he. How dare they.

"Please pass on our greetings to Katsura. I hope he is in good health." Kamiya put an arm around Kaoru with cold civility, and led her towards the house. "Good day."

Kaoru chanced a glance back over her shoulder and Kenshin could see it in her eyes. All of it. She loved him, he knew that, despite her earlier words claiming not to. But it wasn't enough. Whatever her father and Tae had said to her, she had believed them. And she had made the choice. A father over a husband. A family known over a family created. Stability over chaos.

Kenshin turned and stalked away, before he did something rash. As he left the Kamiya-dojo, the wind picked up, pushing the leaves around him like the broken pieces of his heart. As he set back on the long road to Kyoto, he hoped never to see the Kamiya-dojo ever again.

Glossary

Hitokiri - translates to "manslayer", also used to indicate an assassin

Ishin Shihi - group of political activists in the late Edo period

Shoji - a door, window or room divider consisting of translucent paper over a frame of wood which holds together a lattice of wood or bamboo

Tama kanzashi - Ball style kanzashi. These prong style kanzashi are decorated with only a simple colored bead on the end. Traditionally a red tama is worn October–May and a green tama is worn June–September.