October

L woke up with the pressure of Light's arms around his stomach. It wasn't unpleasant, in fact he wished that he could stay in the warmth of Light's body heat for as long as possible. However, he knew that Light would be awake soon, and L needed some time alone to think before this happened. Being as quiet and careful as possible, L pulled himself out of the embrace and crept out of bed. Moving quickly, he changed his clothes before leaving the room.

A glance to the clock informed him that it was five-thirty. This was late for L to be waking up. With a shy smile, he realized that he hadn't had a nightmare since Light had joined him in the bed. L remembered feeling safe, but he hadn't thought that Light's presence would will the bad thoughts away.

The smile vanished as L mentally relived what he had done. Why on Earth had he thought kissing Light would be a good idea? L ran a hand through his tangled hair in frustration.

Light had climbed into the bed to comfort L from his nightmare. Not once had be tried or even hinted that he wanted to make the situation intimate. If he did it would have been inappropriate. It would have scared L, and ruined whatever plutonic moment they were having. L tried to remember what he was thinking before he had found Light's lips, but all he could decipher was a fierce longing that was still lodged in his chest.

L was used to Light flirting with him, and knew how to think nothing of it. Light was attractive, L would have been a fool if he hadn't noticed that much. Yet, L told himself that he had no feelings beyond friendship for the boy. He knew that Light flirting didn't mean anything. In fact, if it did it should mean that Light wasn't interested in him, for Light only fooled around when he didn't think there would be any repercussions. Light didn't like L, he wasn't supposed to like L.

But he had responded. He hadn't pulled away. He kissed L back and held him until they were both asleep. Did that mean he felt the same?

L had to admit that he wanted this, he wanted it far more than he should, but there was a reason why only his half-asleep-brain had the mind to act on it. L was scared. Love scared him.

He wanted to tell himself that, should Light feel the same, things would be different. Light wasn't going to break his heart, and if he did he would do it in the least painful way possible. That was the kind of person Light was. Things would be different. Light would care more about him.

These words ran on loop in his mind, but L couldn't get them to stick. He trusted Light, but he knew his own paranoia would be hard to over come.

Giving up settling things in his mind, L decided he would just have to wait until Light wanted to talk about it. There was always a chance that everything had been a mistake, anyway. L wasn't sure if this made things better or worse.

—

L waited for Misa and Light at the cafeteria for breakfast. He took the moment that he had to himself to check if Beyond had updated the blog that L knew had to be for class. He was slightly disappointed to find that Beyond had not, but soon he discovered something even better on the page.

To his surprise, someone else had replied to L's comment on Beyond's blog and pointed out why everything that L said was either wrong or not a blemish bad enough to be pointed out. Although the response was politely worded, L could read the defense between the lines. Yet, this wasn't even the best part. The user name for the boy—and L was nearly positive that this was indeed a boy—had used was the letter A. This person had to know Beyond in real life, for the chances of someone randomly finding the page a feeling the need to defend Beyond were far too slim. L grinned openly at the idea of Beyond having found a boyfriend in America.

"Good morning!" A peppy voice broke through his discovery.

It was a relief that Misa had arrived first. L wasn't sure how to broach a conversation with Light alone, and didn't want the talk that they would need to have to happened in a public place. L let Misa jabber about her modeling career, and wasn't sure if she cared or noticed that he didn't understand most of it. When Light finally came, it was hard to calm his nerves.

"Morning," Light didn't make eye contact with either of them.

"Did you sleep well?" Misa asked him.

"L only woke me up once," Light answered as he stat down across from L.

"I woke up late for me, but early for you," L felt the need to voice. "I didn't want to wake you up again."

Only now did Light look at him. L watched the boys eyes search his face, and didn't feel guilty doing the same. Light's mouth was pressed into a frown, and his eyes were wider than L remembered them being.

"You're rarely that considerate," Light commented. L could tell that he meant this as a joke, but it fell flat and rang in his ears the way an insult would.

"I'm sorry," L found himself saying. "I'll wake you up next time."

"Never mind," Light turned his attention to Misa. "Do you have a photo shoot today?"

"No," she sighed dramatically. "Monday night. I need to buy better concealer for my eyes. Between work and school I don't get enough sleep!"

"Light has good concealer," L voiced.

"I know," Misa laughed.

Light only rolled his eyes. L watched him gaze fall to his hands resting on the table. Light was upset, but was fighting to hide it. L felt guilt in the pit of his stomach as he realized that this was his fault. Kissing Light confused him, and leaving him in the morning only made it worse. L wished he could make things better, but he didn't know what else to say while they were in public. Misa, who apparently couldn't tell what was wrong, continued to talk about make up. L hoped that keeping up with her was enough of a distraction for Light.

Misa left L and Light at the end of the day to spend time with other friends that L had never met and Light seemed to not approve of. The both of them remained silent for the walk back to their room. L could practically hear the tension of Light's thoughts as they swirled around in his brain. He tried to keep his own presence neutral. Willing away paranoia rarely worked, so he decided to do his best to ignore it. Light didn't speak until they were back at their room with the door closed behind them.

"Where do I stand?" The words sounded awkward and unsure.

"I don't know," L answered honestly, but the expression on Light's face told him that this had not been the right thing to say.

"What do you mean 'you don't know?'" Light asked back. "You don't know if you like me?"

"I like you," L stated, this was easy enough to say. "But I don't know what to do."

"You're making this more complicated than in needs to be," Light sounded almost pained.

"You're making it too simple," L shot back in a tone louder and harsher than he intended. "I'm sorry, Light-kun, but it's more complicated for me."

"You started it," Light rounded on him. "I've been hinting and hinting, and you've been ignoring me. The one time that I was trying to just be a good friend, you kissed me!"

"What are you talking about?" L hadn't remembered Light hinting that he liked him once. "I haven't been ignoring you."

"Are you that oblivious?" Light exclaimed. "I've been flirting with you since I accidentally walked in on you changing."

"You flirt with people who you don't think will respond," L tried to dismiss. "I thought that you were flirting because you didn't like me."

"What?" Light looked exasperated. "If you thought I didn't like you, then why did you kiss me?"

"I don't know," the words came out of L's mouth before he could stop them.

"Yes you do," Light argued.

"I wasn't thinking," he tried. "I was tired, and sad, and your arms were warm."

"Would you have done it if you were thinking?" Light demanded.

"No," L answered honestly.

"Oh," Light's face contorted from on of frustration to heart break.

"I wouldn't have done it because I wouldn't think that you felt the same," L added in a small voice. "I'm sorry I didn't understand your flirting, but I honestly did not think that you would want me."

"Is your self esteem that low?" Light didn't sound like he meant this to be offensive, but L couldn't stop his reaction.

"This has nothing to do with my self esteem," he snapped. "Are you hearing a word that I'm saying, or do you just want to make this an argument?"

"Don't say that I'm the one being difficult," Light shouted back. "We wouldn't be arguing in the first place if you had just answered my original question!"

"I did answer it," L seethed. "I said that 'I don't know' because I honestly do not."

"But you know you like me?" Light knew the answer to this.

"Yes," L said through clenched teeth.

"Then why is this so hard?" Light demanded.

"Relationships are hard for me," was all that L could say in explanation. He didn't want to tell Light everything, not now at least.

"Is that why you left this morning?" Light's words were dosed in attitude.

"I needed to think," L's excuse was genuine.

"Well it must not have helped you much," Light laughed without humor.

"No it didn't," L stated.

"Have you stopped even once to consider how I feel?" Light asked.

"I'd ask if I was sure you'd tell me without yelling!" L raised his voice and heard it brake. Was he crying?

"L," Light's voice was softer now.

This was all the confirmation that L needed. Somehow he had started crying, and he couldn't feel it. He couldn't feel anything aside from frustration and maybe…

L didn't resister Light walking towards him, but the only thing that he was able to register was Light's arms wrapping around him. He could feel Light's body heat, he could smell him. The smell brought him back to the night before. It brought back the feeling of safety that had survived the shouting match unblemished.

"I'm sorry," Light murmured into L's hair. "I didn't mean to upset you."

"I didn't mean to get upset," L whispered back.

"I shouldn't have yelled," Light replied. "You can take however long you want to figure things out. I'll wait."

"You shouldn't have to," L neared an apology.

"There's no rush," Light assured him. "I guess I'm still a little hurt from waking up alone. Normally I wouldn't be so demanding."

"You must see me as so weak," L realized bitterly. "First you have to comfort me from a nightmare, now I start crying mid-fight."

"It's perfectly fine to cry when you're angry," Light replied.

"Tears of exasperation aren't something that I'm used to." L barely cried as is.

"Does that make me special?" Light joked.

"Light-kun was already special to me," L said with a smile.

Light pulled back from the hug and gently pressed his lips against L's. L closed his eyes and leaned into Light. For the first time all day, everything seemed simple. While Light was holding him, everything fell into place. L would have laughed at how easy it was if his mouth wasn't otherwise occupied. Instead he smiled into the kiss, slightly regretting that the movement ruined it.

"What?" Light breathed, pulling his lips away just enough to speak.

"I know where you stand," L whispered back.

"Oh?"

"Do you want to be my boyfriend?" L asked, he pulled back enough to catch Light's expression.

"Yes," Light answered honestly with a grin across his face. "I'd love that."

Thank you to Callicanios, America is Awesome, and Wizard-Party-Forever for the reviews!