Guess who's sick? I am! Thankfully, I have a day off of school tomorrow, but I'm not feeling it right now. I came home from a track meet - and I took a nap. And now, just a few hours later, my throat's hurting and I can't feel anything in my stomach and agh, this isn't going well for me right now.

But guess who somehow managed to scrape together a chapter? Me! Enjoy!

Badlands five.

Solace

("don't belong to no city")

"Barriss," Luminara said softly from the bunk beside her. "You're troubled. You're not sleeping."

Barriss Offee stared up at the center of the tent. She could see the glimmer of stars from the little holes accidentally punctured in the cloth of the tent. Of course, this fabric was old – and somewhat dirty, even though both Luminara and Barriss had done their best to clean it up at least a little bit. If Barriss concentrated hard enough, she could pretend she was in a different world, completely far away from the wars and the constant battles and strategies.

"Barriss?" Luminara's voice broke through the darkness again.

"Apologies, Master," Barriss replied, closing her eyes. The stars were gone from her vision – but they still remained to dance under her eyelids. The little universe remained alive in her mind. Remained alive under her eyelids – remained alive in her dreams and in her mind. "I'm only tired - so tired that I don't think it's going to be easy for me to sleep."

Luminara sighed. "You've been having trouble sleeping, haven't you? Especially as of late."

Barriss stiffened. She clasped and unclasped her hands on top of her stomach, forcing her voice to remain casual as she asked, "What makes you say that?"

"You've become generally more irritable during our training sessions," Luminara responded. "You used to be so incredibly patient with yourself – and just the other day, you looked more aggravated than I had ever seen you."

Ah. Barriss remembered that. She had been going through a light saber duel with her master – and unsurprisingly, Luminara had gotten the upper hand yet again. Barriss was used to this – only on some days could she ever fully match up to her master's skills. Only on that particular day, Barriss had been distracted. The nightmares and the panic was getting to her again – had attacked her right in the middle of the duel – and in the end, Barriss ended up losing her rhythm yet again.

"These are stressful times," Barriss decided to say. "I believe it's only now beginning to create a bigger impact on my life."

Luminara's voice softened. "Well, the war can get to even the calmest and sensible of minds."

At her words, Barriss felt a brief flash of pride. Luminara so rarely gave compliments in private. Most of the time, Luminara would praise Barriss in the company of Master Skywalker and Ahsoka – but those never counted, because they were never really directed at Barriss. Rather, during those times, Luminara recounted Barriss' skill-set like a plan – like Barriss was another weapon or handy blueprint that could bring the battle to victory. It made Barriss feel a bit…less like herself. More like a machine. More like an actual soldier.

Force, did Barriss hate that word.

Soldier.

That was the one thing Barriss had promised herself to never become.

And yet…here she was, sleeping in a semi-dirty tent on a corrupted planet with other soldiers in different tents all around her. They'd get up early tomorrow morning, and then the rest of the day would be filled with the booming of cannons and the smell of human blood. It would make Barriss' head ache for the rest of the day – maybe even for the rest of the week, if she didn't take a proper shower.

She knew Ahsoka didn't mind it so much – if anything, Barriss had the odd feeling that Ahsoka actually secretly liked being called a soldier. Even Master Kenobi – distinguished, calm Master Kenobi – never seemed to be too bothered by the fact that the Jedi were becoming more warrior-like. The only other Jedi Barriss actually knew did have some annoyance with the Jedi-to-warrior transition was Master Windu, but he was much too important and busy for Barriss to talk to him about her own opinions.

And Barriss couldn't bring herself to tell Luminara about it.

It wasn't that she didn't trust her master – her master was, perhaps, one of her closest friends – but still. Barriss wasn't too sure what her master's stance on the Jedi-to-warrior transition was, either, and she certainly wasn't prepared to hear the disappointing answer in this situation.

Barriss would no longer belong. Not that she belonged in the Jedi Order, anyways. Ever since last year, she had come to a silent promise to herself – she would find a way out. Maybe she could persuade Ahsoka into joining her – and maybe the two would find a separate life from the toxic environment of the Order…

That was a nice thought. Though again, Barriss had the feeling Ahsoka wouldn't take this lightly.

"Your soul has become restless," Luminara continued.

And just like that, the warmth Barriss had felt over the compliment cooled, leaving behind only a vapor of disappointment.

"Your soul has become restless," Luminara repeated. "You've lost focus on the important things – you are out-of-touch with yourself, and I sense an imbalance in your thoughts, Padawan."

"I'm tired," Barriss murmured. "My mind is clouded by my lack of sleep."

Luminara laughed again, though this time, Barriss couldn't bring herself to smile or laugh along. Instead, she felt a small flicker of annoyance.

"We could always discuss this when we get back to the Temple," Luminara suggested after a certain length of silence passed. "You know I am always willing to listen, Barriss."

"Yes, Master," Barriss replied, closing her eyes.

She re-opened them. "Actually," she murmured, throwing away the blankets, "I think I'll take a walk around the campground for now."

"Don't stay out too long," Luminara called after her. "I wouldn't want you to be tired for tomorrow."

"Fear not, Master Unduli," Barriss murmured, and stepped out of the tent.

She was instantly greeted by a warm rush of wind. It rustled past her dark, heavy robes and sank into her skin. Barriss let out a small sigh. She pushed past the wet grass, savoring the way the dew pressed against her feet. She had forgotten to wear her shoes for this trip outside – but it didn't matter.

It wasn't until Barriss was a good few feet away from the camp did she feel like she could actually breathe.

She sat down on a tree branch, her eyes closed and head tilted back ever-so-slightly.

Alone at last.

This was how it was. This was how it was supposed to be.

Barriss Offee knew from the bottom of her heart that in the end, she'd have to depend on herself. She couldn't believe that Master Unduli would be willing to listen.

She was by herself for now, and she'd only have to wait a little longer before her solace lasts forever.

Just as she always wanted.

A/N - Because I think the last time I ever wrote about Barriss was in A Hundred Words...(?) And I thought it'd be interesting to re-visit her character.

As always, reviews would be great - they always make me smile and of course, more reviews means more motivation to write. Constructive criticism is alright, but flames are not.