December
L didn't like getting advise from other people. That didn't mean he couldn't understand the benefits of a second opinion. If he really needed help on something, he would stoop to the level of asking Mello or Wammy for help. Yet, never in his life had L given Beyond the satisfaction of asking him what he thought L should do.
"Christmas was yesterday," Beyond shrewdly informed him when he picked up the phone.
"I was waiting for you to call," L deadpanned. "Happy holidays."
"What do you want?" Beyond got to the point.
"To know how my baby brother is doing at his American school?" L's voice was the highest degree of patronizing he could express.
"Fuck off," Beyond replied.
"That well?" L felt a smirk play on his lips. "Good job."
"Why are you calling me?" Beyond asked. "You're at home now, aren't you?"
"Mello and Near say hello," L said in a flat tone.
"Sure," Beyond replied. "You sound depressed."
"I always sound depressed," L pointed out.
"More so than usual," Beyond expanded. "If you're calling to tell me your problems, I think Mello will be more sympathetic."
"I'm sure," L drawled, but let himself broach the subject he had intended to talk to Beyond about. "You remember how you almost killed a boy last year?"
"No I don't recall that," Beyond deadpanned. "What about it? Did he try to call your or something? Because I can still stab him."
"It's not really about him," L tried to find the best way to explain what was going on. "I need your advice on something similar."
Beyond was silent.
"Hello?" L heard the annoyance in his own voice.
"Firstly," Beyond broke L's theory that his question had the power to render him mute. "Please give me a second to saver this moment—"
"You've already had enough seconds," L complained.
"Second," Beyond went on. "Mello told me you found a guy."
"I assumed he would," L sighed. "That's why I held off on identity."
"Did he cheat on you?" Beyond asked up front.
"No," L's voice was tight.
"If you're lying to me I will actually kill this one," Beyond threatened.
"He didn't cheat on me," L confirmed. "He cheated on his ex-girlfriend."
"You've lost me."
L told Beyond the story that Takada had told him the night prior. He kept in all of the details that he could, not wanting to at all alter the opinion that Beyond would come away with. If L was going to go as far as to ask his brother for advise, he was going to do it right.
"So then you yelled at him, right?" Beyond predicted after L finished.
"I didn't yell," L argued.
"But you confronted him about it," Beyond continued. "And he told you that he's a new person, and that he wouldn't do that to you."
"Yes," L confirmed.
"And you don't believe him," Beyond didn't phrase this as a question.
"Should I?" L honestly didn't know.
"Is he worth it?" Beyond answered with a question.
"He said that he loves me," L said numbly.
"Because he's trying to win you back," Beyond dismissed.
"No, that wasn't how he said it," L tried to better explain. "It was as if he didn't mean to tell me then, and he didn't jump to it automatically."
"You really like him," Beyond observed. "Why are you asking my opinion?"
"I really liked the last one," L sighed. "And you never did. You were right then, you might know better than me now."
"I always know better than you," Beyond let this go straight to his ego.
"Am I over reacting?" L asked. "Honest answer, if you joke about it I'm hanging up and never talking to you about something serious again."
"Calm down," Beyond said blandly. "You're not over reacting."
"Then should I—"
"I'm not done," Beyond cut him off. "High school kids are idiots."
"Okay…"
"This guy was an idiot, and a bigot, and exactly the sort of person I would loved to dismember if he ever touched you," Beyond went on. "However, people change between that age and now."
"Are you speaking from experience?" L couldn't resist asking.
"No, I'm as much of a freak as I always was," Beyond replied.
"Really?" L smirked. "Would 'A' agree?"
"What?" Beyond's voice dropped an octave.
"He defended you on your blog," L explained. "You should have told me you met a boy."
"Shut up," Beyond didn't sound angry. "We don't talk, anyway."
"Right," L said dully. "You should have told Mello or Near."
"They still don't realize that they're our system of passing information," Beyond chuckled.
"It makes for less fights," L mused.
"I hate you a little less right now," Beyond added.
"That one's a lie," L observed.
"Yes," Beyond admitted. "I hate you just as much as I always have."
"I hate you too," L felt the need to say back. "What's A like?"
"He's too good for me," Beyond stated.
"That's a give in," L joked.
"And not funny," Beyond deadpanned.
"Worth a shot," L shrugged. "So he's nice?"
"He acts very innocent, but he's not," Beyond sounded happy.
"Is he good looking?" L wondered.
"Don't be superficial," Beyond chided.
"Asking for a description to paint a better picture in my mind is not being superficial," L defended.
"He's good looking," was all Beyond said.
"My boyfriend is very good looking," L couldn't resist saying.
"F off," Beyond probably rolled his eyes. "So you're going to forgive him then?"
"I don't want to end things," L knew that this would outweigh his bruised feelings. "But I don't want to get hurt again. I'm keeping what you said about idiots in mind."
"Near gets the over simplifying trait from you," Beyond informed him.
"Oh, I've always known that," L laughed. "You've actually really helped me."
"If you say the words 'thank you' I'm going the throw up," Beyond warned.
"Thank you," L said with a devious smile that he knew Beyond couldn't see.
"You're a great brother," Beyond said sarcastically.
"Oddly enough, so are you," L wasn't joking. "I'll call you at some point."
"Yeah right," Beyond muttered.
"I want to hear more about A," L reminded him.
"I'm not telling you anything," Beyond said. "If you call me I'm not talking about myself."
"Fine," L sighed. "We'll talk about Mello's love life and Near's puzzle obsession."
"Mello has a love life?" this was news to Beyond.
"I'll tell you about it later." L hung up first.
When he opened the door to his room, he was greeted by Mello and Near. Mello had tried to get him to open the door several times, and L guessed that waiting him out had been Near's idea. He supposed it wasn't fair for him to shut himself in without any explanation, but if the two of them really wanted to know what was going on they could have asked Light.
"Should I brace myself for interrogation?" L dryly asked.
"Yes," Mello crossed his arms. "What did he do?"
"Did he refuse to tell you?" L wondered wether or not Light would consider the matter none of L's brother's business.
"I didn't want to leave the house," Near spoke for himself.
"What?" L asked.
"Light's been sitting outside all morning," Mail, who had just walked into the hallway, informed him.
"Oh," L hadn't expected Light to want to sulk in privacy as well.
"What did he do?" Mello asked again.
"We got into a disagreement," L tried.
"You only shut yourself in when you're upset," Near said.
"Light kept something from me that I would have rather he shared," L told the three. "I've cooled down and am going to go talk to him about it. If any of you are caught eaves dropping, then I'm taking back the candy I gave you."
"We wouldn't get caught," Near murmured as L headed outside. "And Mello already ate the chocolate."
L decided it would be better to talk to Light outside than bring him in. He could feel his heart beat increasing, and cursed that this confrontation was making him nervous. At the same time, he knew that this was better then the numb and empty feeling he had experienced the last time he talked to Light.
"Can I join you?" L asked softly as he opened the door.
Light's turned sharply so that he could look at L, but he didn't stand up.
"Of course," the calm in his voice was forced and L knew he had to be just as nervous.
L sat down next to Light but far enough away to that they were not touching. He was slightly surprised that this effected him. Being near Light made L want to lean into him, to close the empty space separating them. Even when he was still unsure of his footing, he could recognize the feeling Light's presence gave him. It was intoxicating, over whelming, and lovely. L tried to clear his head. These thoughts weren't helping.
"Should I trust you?" L wondered in a hushed voice. The question seemed so simple, but so much hung on how Light answered it.
"I don't know," Light stated. L suddenly understood why Light got upset every time he answered a question with these words. Still, it was better than a flat out 'yes' or 'no.'
"Elaborate." L added: "Please."
"I didn't tell you that I cheated on the last girlfriend that I dated, used Misa's feelings for me as a way to run from my problems, and jumped into bed with the first person that I opened up to, because I was afraid that you wouldn't understand." Light wasn't looking at him, instead the eyes that L was used to seeing filled with warmth stared straight ahead.
"I see," L murmured.
"Everything that happened last year turned me into the person that I am today," Light sounded like he was voicing these thoughts for the first time. "That doesn't mean that I'd repeat those actions, but I'm glad that I let myself break that much. If I didn't, I'm not sure I would have been able to rebuild myself."
L wanted to say something, he wanted to tell Light that he understood and wished that Light could have told him this from the beginning, but his mouth wouldn't move to speak.
"But I know that this doesn't count for much trust wise," Light rubbed his eyes. "I also didn't tell you because I knew it would hurt you—I know I've said this before but this was my real reason—not that it did much good, though. Lying made everything worse, and I wish I had the courage to just tell you in the first place."
"Light-kun…"
"Maybe you do deserve someone better than me," Light looked at him now. His eyes were sad, but they were also full of an emotion L was afraid to put to words. "If you're leaving me because of this, I won't stop you. It's not fair for me to."
L touched Light's cheek with the tips of his fingers. Light's eyes closed.
"I might have taken everything a little too personally," L felt the need to admit. "I know that what happened to you has nothing to do with me. I tend to be paranoid, and that didn't help things."
"It's not your fault," Light murmured.
"I know it's not," L whispered. "But I think I can see the situation better now. I was hurt that you didn't tell me. But now you're putting me first. Because of that I will forgive you."
Light's eyes shot open.
"But only under the condition that you promise you won't lie to me anymore," L added. "Even—no, especially if it's to protect me."
"I think I can manage that," Light eyes filled with hope and L had to stop himself from pressing their lips together then and there. He made himself wait. There was still more that needed to be said and heard before everything was back to the way that it should be.
"If you don't mind talking about it here," L started. "I'd like to hear the whole story of what happened last year."
"Yeah," Light nodded with a sad smile. "I want to tell you."
"Thank you," L brought his hand away from Light's face and put it on the boy's arm instead. "You can start where ever you want."
"Alright," Light placed his hand on top of L's.
Technically this is the last chapter. However, there will be an epilogue to wrap up a few things and add some fluff.
Thank you to America is Awesome, Callicanios, coolnerdgirl, and Corliss Kat for the reviews!