I'm now on the third chapter, not much to say, so let's get to the reviews.
MasterSpikeII: Ok, this was a well done update, except for one line in particular that I did not like:
"I'm not sure... it's just that part of me wants to protect her..."
Very vague, and it's a line that's simply there as if to rush the relationship between the two as well as make Sasha start feeling a bit of jealousy, which is still too early for that. Remember: show, don't tell. You have to show us interactions between the two, both good and bad so that we see that they're gradually growing closer. Trust me, you're better off with him saying that since she's living with him for the time being, she's his responsibility.
Also, you might wanna explain just HOW she managed to enroll in Kenta's school in less than a day. You could simply say that she walked up to the principal, acted like a little girl to catch him/her off guard and gave him a drink with a bit of a hypnosis potion, then had him/her enroll her and give her a school uniform on the spot that's large enough for her after taking the potion that gives her a more adult body, thus solving the clothing question and filling many plot holes. (It's easy to get away with this, just say that it was a spare uniform is all, make the hypnosis temporary, etc). Other than that, this chapter was well done. I await to see more.
Your review is a little lengthy but very helpful. As for the rushing of Kenta's and Ashley's relationship. It was stated in the flashback that he will try to do whatever he can to protect others, and he even stated that he did it because of a higher survival rate. As for the enrolling into thing…you have me there. I'll try weaseling something…you know, maybe.
Andy112138: Nice! Nice! Glad you didn't waste time on uploading this chapter! I really liked it. It's really nice how Kenta is protective over Ashley but he still worries over Sasha. Ooh! And is that a flashback I see? Aw yeah! Time for angsty back story! Woot woot! Well I hope to hear from you soon! Keep up the awesome work and I'll be awaiting the next chapter!
See, someone gets it! Although hold up on the backstory.
Leaffeather: remember that guest comment about the readwave story? yeah thats me! guess i forgot to put my name on, clumsy me. anyway enough bout me. This chapter... it somewhat makes kenta have the same personality as darkrai, an unsocial person but will protect the people they care for. ashley blushing reminds me of cresselia and the cake comment is almost like zorua. looks like pokemon highschool's still in my head...for some reason, the name kenta ryuga reminds me of the beyblade anime... that can't be a coincidence... right? welp gotta go now. see you next chapter!
My characters can seem a bit cookie-cutter, but Kenta is a bit nicer and more sarcastic than asocial and rude. Plus I'm an otaku, sue me for having a Japanese-y name.
TeamDeitys: YEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS finally no standard harem protagonist! Also after the story's over can you make some extra chapters? Like stuff that's not related to the main story,1 more thing can you tell how many people will be in the harem? Or is that a secret? –TeamDeitys
I might…I don't know. Also look at the character list, it'll give you a clue.
Bzinga: Well, this story is quickly picking up speed (and not in a bad way). I feel like it has taken a whole new direction in the blink of an eye, but it's just the beginning and I have full confidence in you to make this great.
Well this is a more casual story, but there will be a few surprises here and there.
"Kenta…Kenta…wake up Kenta."
"I don't want to, Sasha…let me sleep."
"Come on now, it's already noon."
"It is a Saturday and I deserve to sleep."
"Ashley wants to go to the mall. We're going to buy her some new clothes."
"You take her then."
"She wants to have breakfast before she goes."
"Why can't you do it, Sasha?"
"I'm only good with baking, Kenta. I can't cook anything else."
"It's not my problem, I want to sleep."
"Come on…don't be like that."
"Then do what the people in the shows that you watch do. Wake me up with a good morning kiss or whatever...heheh." A soft chuckle came out of his mouth.
"…"
The boy woke up with a tired expression and a slight smirk on his face.
"As if."
His wake up call, however, was the clear image of his red faced best friend, with her eyes shut and lips puckered, not more than a few centimeters away.
"Uhh…Sasha?"
The boy sighed as he walked down the stairs, holding his right cheek that had become as red as Sarah's face, "Alright, I'll make some breakfast for you. What are you in the mood for, girls?"
"Pancakes!" Ashley giggled, going through what Kenta liked to call "a food bipolar disorder", where she seemed to get really happy when food's involved. She had also reverted back to her 'shorter' form, most likely not to scare Sasha by her sudden growth.
"I-I'll take some eggs please…"
"Sasha, what's wrong?" The witch asked.
"O-oh, nothing's wrong. I'm perfectly okay." The council president squeaked as she turned her attention away from the girl, choosing Kenta as her object of interest. She had only known him for three and a half years, and they had been the best of friends, but the girl found herself growing ever so more attached to him. The longer she stared, the more she drifted off onto her own little fantasy world.
"Father! A new family moved in down the street." A young girl exclaimed as she peered out the large stain-glass window.
"It seems that it is only a father and his son though, Sasha." Her father said as he looked at the two males unloading things from the truck.
"Can I go meet them, father?"
"I don't know about that…"
"Don't be like that, father! You only let me hang out with your friends' children, and they're all snobby! I want to make a friend on my own!" She pouted.
"I-I suppose I could do that."
12-year-old Sasha cheered as she ran down the street to meet the new family, ignoring her father's instruction to go with a chaperone.
"Now comes the heavy stuff, son. Be prepared."
"We've done this a hundred times before Dad, I can handle it."
"I know that, I don't want you to hurt yourself by getting cocky."
"When am I ever cocky?"
"Remember yesterday?"
"That was the sleep deprivation talking!"
"I never should have given you that word a day calendar. You made everyone in that room feel so bad about themselves."
"I get it dad…" The boy sighed as he braced his legs and held onto the nightstand, steadily placing it down on the floor.
"Hi there!"
The startled boy jumped back at the sound, turning to its source. "Are you talking to me?" He asked, looking at the girl and then at his father.
"Of course, I'm Sasha Holland. I live down the street in that house over there." She said.
"Looks more like a mansion than a house, don't you think Kenta?" The boy's father asked.
"Never seen a house that big before." Kenta observed.
"I'm Hideo Ryuga, and this is my son, Kenta." The father introduced himself and his boy. "Say hi, son."
"Hey…" He muttered, pulling more boxes out of the truck.
"Sorry about that. Kenta is shy around new people."
Sasha smiled, "it's alright, not everyone can be outgoing, let me help you with some of these boxes."
"No, No…we've stacked them into a very compact pile, remove something out of place and something might fall on you. We've got this, right son?"
"Yup."
The father's warning had fallen upon deaf ears as the girl had yanked the box nearest to her, disrupting the balance of the pile and causing a large box to slide down.
"Look out, Sasha!"
Before the girl had realized what was going on, she found herself on the floor, underneath the shy boy who had only said a word to her. His face was clenched in pain, although the reason didn't come to her until the initial shock wore off. She tried to ask him if he was already, try to help him, or do anything besides lie on the floor like a rose colored rock.
"Dad, help Sasha out."
"Got it, how you holding up?"
"Spine's going to break soon if you don't do anything."
Hideo grabbed the girl's arms and dragged her out from the human shield Kenta had become. The boy then gently twisted his back to the left, allowing the box to slide off. His dad checked the contents of the box and gave Kenta a thumbs up.
"Good, the T.V's still in good shape. You hurt?" Kenta asked Sasha.
"Forget me! You just took a boxed T.V set to the back, are you seriously injured, should I call the paramedics?" She blurred, pulling out her phone and frantically dialed the hospital, before Kenta stopped her and shook his head.
"I'm fine, this stuff happens all the time, my body as strong as steel. The important part is that you're okay, Sasha…"
"Sasha…Sasha…SASHA GET UP!"
The girl jolted upwards and clonked heads with Kenta, sending him crumbling to the floor.
"It's not like you to be so spaced out so much, is something up?" He asked, getting back up.
"I-It's nothing…"
"Well if it was nothing than that wouldn't have happened. But if you don't want to tell me, it's fine." Kenta said as he started washing the dishes, snacking on nothing more than blackened toast with sugar and orange slices. "How do you plan on going to the mall?"
"Sasha's taking us." Ashely explained as she swallowed a mouthful of pancakes.
"What do you mean by 'us'?"
"Didn't Sasha tell you? You're coming with us."
The boy's eyes widened as he glared at the silent and cherry faced student council president.
"I'm not going with you."
"I can't believe you made me go with you."
Sasha turned to him and pouted with her baby blue eyes. "Can't you do something nice for your friends?"
"You know I hate coming here. You could have asked one of your servants to aid you." Kenta mentioned, pointing to the couple of men and women waiting near a large limo.
"Well it's a lot more enjoyable with you, Kenta." She giggled, hugging his arm. "We're friends after all." The student council president said, with a hint of a scowl directed towards the witch.
"Yah, yah…" He muttered, completely blowing her off and observing the map. "So where are we going?" The boy asked. Sasha pointed towards a store in the upper-right corner of the mall. "That's where we are going." She explained, "I happen to go there a lot, and I think we can find something for Ashley."
Kenta had been assigned the duty of judging Sasha's choices for Ashley, because two opinions wasn't enough and he was the only guy there. He could feel the stares of the other shoppers and cashier burn into the back of his head. Yes he was a guy, but this wasn't his fault, he didn't choose to be here.
The two girls must have spent at least 20 minutes looking for outfits, and the only solace he found was the small bench the store had placed for people like him.
"Kenta…I need your opinion on this." Ashley called out in a meek voice. She parted the curtain and stepped out, sporting a loose, light red T-shirt and a loose black skirt that went up to her knees. "Sasha said it looks good on me, what do you think?" She asked hesitantly.
A light pink tint rose to his face as he felt his heart-beat quicken ever so quickly. "It looks cute on you." He smiled. The witch smiled in return, feeling her cheeks grow warm in embarrassment.
"I knew that, Sasha insisted on getting a male's opinion." Ashley boasted, keeping her high and mighty attitude.
"If you say so…" Kenta shrugged.
Sasha looked at Ashley's cute outfit, and then back at her own apparel, a simple T-shirt and jeans. Despite the abundance of money her family had, she never felt like flaunting it, and chose to dress in more casual clothing. Thinking back on it now, it didn't seem like the wisest plan.
"Kenta…you've always seen me in this casual clothing…what would happen if you saw me dressed differently." She wondered as she darted through the store looking for some outfit choices.
"So are we done here?" Kenta asked as Ashley collected the outfits she planned on buying using Sasha's money.
"Not yet Kenta. I decided grab something for myself." The rich girl's voice chimed from the changing room.
"I hope you won't take that long."
"See for yourself~"
The boy turned around without much enthusiasm, barley twisting his shoulder and moving his neck. The rest of his body followed suit in one fell swoop as his eyes locked onto her and his heart stopped for a moment.
She wore a tight red tank-top that bear-hugged her body along with black shorts that were just above her knees. "What do ya think?" She winked, feeling confident in her choice.
"Save it for the boyfriend you don't have." He chuckled, poorly hiding his blush by averting his eyes.
"No compliment, but I got him embarrassed." She thought with a slight smirk as she went to change into her regular clothing. "Like you're one to talk."
"Touché."
"I get that I'm the guy and all, but why do I have to carry all of these bags?" Kenta complained, holding 5 plastic bags in each of his arms. "Couldn't you have gotten your servants to do it?"
"Well I could have, but they aren't here at the moment. So you'll just have to deal with it" Sasha giggled, earned a groan from the exhausted boy.
"Oh come on, you can do it." Ashley encouraged…sort of.
"I really can't, I'm tired…" He sighed, collapsing to the ground.
"You're no fun…" Sasha clapped her hands twice, and two of her butlers came out of seemingly nowhere, collecting the bags off of the tired boy.
"You two can on break, thanks for your help." The girl smiled as she dismissed them.
"But madam-"
"I know my father always wants you guys on me 24/7, but I'm a big girl now, and I have Kenta here to protect me." The girl explained, pointing towards the exhausted boy. Her guards seemed even less convinced, but Sasha's pleading eyes guilt tripped them enough to leave her alone, even if it's for a little while.
"Alright then, madam…but take this with you just in case you need anything." One of them said, handing her a small buzzer. "Once it rings we'll be right at your service." The other explained as they walked off.
"You had them on standby the other time…and you call them NOW?" He asked in an irritated tone, still hugging the floor.
"I thought it was cute that you were carrying all of our bags." Sasha giggled. "Looks like couldn't handle it."
"I hate you…" He hissed.
"Oh come on…we've been friends for three years, you should be used to this by now." She smirked, extending her hand towards him.
"Yah, yah…I'm used to your tomboyish attitude." He sighed. "Can we go home now? I wanna read."
"Are you kidding me?! I just got my guards off my back and we're in the mall, we're going to have some fun!" The rich girl giggled, turning to Ashley who had been silently observing in the corner. "Let's go get some sweets!"
"Yay!"
"Oh no…"
Kenta looked to the left of him, a little girl who was secretly a witch happily munching on a strawberry crepe like a mouse with a piece of cheese. Her large ponytails were twitching with every nibble. Her eyes were closed as she happily continued munching down, her curly lips taking in bit after bit. The witch's feet didn't even touch the floor, but she didn't mind as she happily kicked them to and from.
To the right of him, an older girl who was secretly rich delightfully enjoying a cupcake, one that was as big has her palm. She had this weird quirk where she'd lick the frosting off, then eat it from the bottom up. She brushed her long brown hair behind her to make sure none of it got stuck to her hair. She just finished lapping up the blue icing like some sort of cat, and then proceeded to flip the cupcake upside down and take a small bite out the chocolate bottom.
"You're not going to get anything…Kenta?" Ashley asked after clearing her throat.
"I'm not that hungry." He yawned, running his hands through his blonde hair. "I just wanna go home."
"Stop being such a party pooper…" Sasha interjected, pouting at her best friend. His unamused stare pierced through her soul, making her sweat a little. "Alright, ONE more thing and then we'll go home." She offered.
"Ugh fine…" He groaned. "What are we doing?"
"We're gonna watch a movie!" Sasha exclaimed.
"But that'll take hours…" Kenta groaned.
"Doesn't matter! You agreed!" The girl chirped, grabbing his hand and yanked him to his feet, dragging her along with him like a doll as Ashley quietly trailed from behind, observing the interactions between the two friends.
"So what movie are we going to watch?" Kenta asked. Ashley looked up at the different movie titles and their corresponding pictures, "that one, let's watch that one."
"Two Souls under the Cherry Blossoms? Never pegged you for the romance type." Kenta chuckled. "Hey! I still can enjoy these kinds of movies! I had a bunch back at my house that I'd watch with Red." The witch pouted.
"Yah, don't be so negative, Kenta. A girl can dream you know." Sasha giggled.
"I'm assuming I have to watch this as well?" He asked.
"Yup." They responded in unison.
"Fine…"
The movie was nothing special, in Kenta's opinion. Guy meets girl, they get to know each other, something big happens, they solve it, kiss and done. The girls, however, seemed to be eating it up. Their eyes were glued to the screen, transfixed as they took handfuls of popcorn and stuffed it into their faces every now and again.
Disinterested, Kenta took a look around at the faces dimly illuminated by screen. He noticed that the theater was filled with mostly women, with a few guys scattered around, usually paired up with a girl or by themselves in a corner. In another corner was a couple getting a bit too familiar with each other's faces.
The boy stuck his hand into the popcorn as he continued to browse at the different types of people. His fingers brushed against another pair, the tips of his grasping the smooth skin. He moved his hand away and tried to make a second attempt at grabbing, but the fingers of the other hand wrapped around his palm. He tried to wiggle out of the lock but this soft hand didn't want to let go, leaving him trapped in its iron grip.
Kenta turned around and followed the hand to the owner, finding out that it was Sasha; who had unintentionally grasped his hand while in the moment, as the characters on the screen were also holding hands. He tapped her with her free hand but she didn't respond. He called out her name but was drowned out by the audio. Sighing, Kenta left his hand as is and continued to watch the rest of the movie.
"That movie was amazing!" Sasha exclaimed as the trio walked out of the theater. She seemed completely unaware of the whole "hand holding" situation, and Kenta decided to leave it at that.
"I've never seen anything as good as that." Ashley agreed.
"Eh, the book was much better." Kenta shrugged, not realizing what he had thrown himself into.
"Oh? You read those kinds of books?" Sasha asked.
"That's so unlike you~" Ashley teased.
"I-I was bored and the librarian said in was a good read." He admitted. "I have to go to the bathroom."
"Okay lover boy, we'll be waiting for you." The rich girl laughed.
"These girls are driving me crazy…" The boy sighed as he splashed his face with water. "Sometimes I wonder why I have friends in the first place."
A brief flash of his father's face appeared in the mirror, replacing his own reflection.
"You have someone to look after and someone to look after you."
The boy rubbed his eyes to make sure he wasn't going insane, but the reflection he saw was his own.
The boy walked out of the bathroom with a tired expression. "Okay, can we go…home?" The boy looked around, but he couldn't see the girls, or anyone else for that matter.
"Let go of me!"
"Come on…don't fight."
Kenta's head turned so fast that he nearly snapped his neck in the process. His eyes caught the image of Sasha and Ashley being harassed by two older guys, both pretty tall with long greasy hair, in the far distance.
"Just spend the day with us." One of them asked, getting very close to Sasha as the other held the witch up like a doll.
"Would you mind unhanding my friends?" He asked in a polite but demanding tone.
"Come on, you can't give us one of them?" The one harassing Sasha asked.
"They're not toys." Kenta growled.
"Jack…get rid of em." He commanded.
'Jack', tossed Ashley to the side like a rag doll and lunged for the boy. Kenta's eyes flashed for a moment as he analyzed the situation and side-stepped at the last second, elbowing him in his side. The large "man" collapsed on the floor, clutching his stomach in pain. Kenta quickly removed his shoe and hurled it at the boy holding Sasha.
"Run! Now! Get help!" Kenta barked.
"B-but!"
"NOW! Take Ashley with you!"
The girl nodded and picked up the witch, and ran off.
"Why'd you have to do that?" The unnamed boy asked as he approached the boy, swinging a strong right hook. Kenta ducked the blow and countered with two left jabs and a round house kick, knocking the boy down.
"You seem to know what you're doing." The boy chuckled as he got up again. Kenta got ready to fight back, but was knocked down from a strong blow to his back.
Jack and the boy both chucked as they repeatedly kicked Kenta's body, as he tried to block the blows with his arms.
Jack lifted his foot to crush Kenta's arm, but he managed to move it away. Unfortunately his hand was crushed, causing the boy to roar out in pain. He bit Jack's leg, punching the other boy in his no-no zone, crippling them slightly and giving the boy a little window of time to escape.
He caught the familiar sight of the two girls and the butler, who immediately rushed to his assistance as he began to collapse.
"I…hate…the mall…" He heaved, "Let's go home...I wanna nap."
Ooohhh….Spooky….and lazy…Whatever…it's 3000+ words.
SHADDUP
:T
Hope you liked it
I'll update whenever.