ALLEGIANT PART II
prologue
TRIS
"I've heard that sometimes a version of you must die before another more enlightened version can be born.
I think that's true after watching the corpse of myself walk around. ― Julie Flygare
I died.
I was at peace.
I was ready.
I was done.
How many times can somebody say goodbye before it's really goodbye?
I remember my mother, the face of serenity, reaching out her hand to me. I said goodbye and I meant it. I was so tired. Ready to sleep. Ready to see my parents again, to feel their embrace and hear them say how proud they are of me. Ready to let go of this world.
Goodbye Caleb. I hope you can forgive yourself someday.
Goodbye Tobias. I hope you can forgive me someday.
I love you. I love you.
I close my eyes and everything goes white. Is this heaven? Mom, where did you go?
I remember some kids on my street - in Abnegation, used to say when you die you see a white light, and then you go to an afterlife of happiness and peace. Is this it? Why am I alone? Why am I hearing my thoughts but I'm alone?
The white light clicks off like a switch. And everything goes black. Black? That's not right. Black doesn't seem... peaceful.
Mom? Dad?
Where are you?
How long has it been since I've been alone in the darkness? Years? Is Tobias married now? With children? A small feeling of jealousy creeps in and I almost miss it. Jealousy? That Tobias would be happy, without me? That's selfish, Beatrice. I scold myself. You are selfless now, remember?
Why would I feel such a human feeling right now. I'm supposed to be at peace.
Wait.
I'm dead. How am I able to think? If I were at peace, why would I be thinking? Feeling?
A shock of panic. Realization.
Am.. am I alive?