"It feels real," he said" But some things are a bit off."

After everyone had gone, he experimented with replacing his clothes. The computer didn't want to cooperate at first, apparently confused by his commands. It seemed to think he should be wearing the blue of the science department, but eventually it came to its senses and he was properly outfitted in his command red. He spent a few moments walking around the sick bay. He was surprised at how normal he felt. There were small differences. The audio routines were set to a slightly higher frequency but his vision was the same. He ran his fingers over the monitors and desk surfaces, noting that his sense of touch was a bit more sensitive.

He took the time to look in a mirror. He looked maybe a year or two younger than his current age and his hair was definitely not regulation, but apart from that there was no great shock at seeing his reflection.

The stasis tube containing the rest of him on the far side of the room was another story. An imaginary wall stopped him from going over and having a look at himself. The concept of being shared by two bodies fascinated and repelled him.

"Lieutenant Torres obviously put a great deal of time and effort into making this hologram as realistic as possible, although I can't imagine for what purpose," the Doctor said. He had been watching Tom carefully as he adjusted to his new state of being. "You don't have one of her, do you?"

"No!" Tom said. He had made holograms of real people, but always considered B'Elanna off limits. He decided at the moment be grateful that she didn't share his reservations but there had to be a reason she had never told him about this.

"Well, you do get up to some strange things in the Holodeck. I wouldn't have been surprised to learn..."

The doors swished open, bringing an end to what might have been an awkward conversation. Captain Janeway entered with a tall, handsome alien. He was humanoid. A braid of long dark hair was draped over one shoulder, and he had intricate patterns on his cheeks. Tom couldn't tell if they were natural or a tattoo-like affectation. There was something of the air of a pirate about him.

"Hello, Tom. How are you feeling?" she asked. She graced him with a warm smile.

"I don't know how to answer that, Captain. I feel fine, but at the same time part of me feels like I'm not really here, if that makes any sense," he replied.

She took a moment to study him. "Your hair is not regulation, but given the circumstances I think we'll let it go this time," she said. She turned toward the visitor, the smile still on her face. "This is Serian. He's a Kevite. Ensign Kim met him on the moon and the information he so generously shared saved your life."

"I am sorry that you were innocently caught up in our conflict but it was fortunate that I was there." Serian said. His voice was so deep that Tom could feel a reverb.

"Thank you,' Tom said.

Serian acted as if he had not heard. His large dark eyes zeroed in on him and remain fixed. "Extraordinary," he said. "You did it. He looks almost exactly the same as the injured man I saw. I had no idea that holograms could be so intricate." He turned back to the Captain. "We have experimented with this technology, but so far we've only been able to program small things, inanimate objects." He inspected Tom as if he were a work of art, coming so close that Tom imagined he could feel his breath. He didn't know if he should feel flattered or uncomfortable with this close attention. The Captain cleared her throat.

"Serian is helping us plot a course through this area of space with the objective of keeping us away from the fighting. It has the added bonus of cutting a few months off our journey. The Doctor is going to help them find a less drastic way of treating the effects," she said.

"Glad my little accident could be beneficial to us both," Tom said.

Serian's head shot back as if he had been slapped.

"Forgive me. Of course I knew you were sentient, like your Doctor." Serain said.

"Yes. Like his Doctor," the EMH said. Serian did not acknowledge the remark.

"I am sentient but I'm not like our Doctor. He's one of a kind." He smiled over at his new roommate, who was standing with his arms crossed. The EMH did not like being ignored.

"Of course. He is pure hologram. Your brain functions came from an organic source." Serian did not say it but Tom supposed it could be inferred from his tone that he thought Tom somehow the superior of the two. "I give you my best wishes that you will recover fully from this ordeal."

"Thank you." Tom said. The Doctor abruptly retreated to his office. Tom and the Captain took note of this; the Ketvian did not. His face was still firmly focused on Tom.

"I'll see you later, Tom," the Captain said. She and Serian left sickbay. The swift opening and closing movement of the door gave Tom a glimpse of the world he would not be able to visit for the next two weeks.

The Kevite may have not meant to be rude, but the whole visit had left Tom feeling unsettled. It reminded him of one of his earliest interactions with the EMH. He had blatantly ignored him. In his own defense there was a crisis on the ship and Harry was missing, but still... Tom winced at the memory.

His thoughts were interrupted by the arrival of Tuvok.

"Please state the nature of the medical emergency," he quipped. Tuvok did not react.

"I have no medical emergency. I merely wished to tell you that I am pleased with the course of events and to extend my best wishes for a full recovery," he said.

"Well that is nice of you, Tuvok." Tom gave him what he hoped was his most winning smile. Tuvok merely raised an eyebrow and went into the Doctor's inner office.

"Hello, Tuvok. What can I do for you?" Tom was surprised that he could hear that clearly.

"I came to see how Lieutenant Paris was progressing. Your unique method of holo medicine seems to be successful, and while it is illogical to extend sympathy to a hologram I merely wish to state that I have had on various occasions been forced to spend excessive amounts of time in the company of Lieutenant Paris. He can be most... vexing at times."

"I am not looking forward to the next two weeks," the Doctor said.

As if I am. Tom thought.

"But at the same time, I can tell you that I also found the experiences that I have shared with him to have in the end been oddly rewarding. It is illogical but at the same time undeniably a fact. I suggest that you look for such moments during your time with him."

"I will certainly try, Mr. Tuvok."

Tom wasn't sure how to interpret Tuvok's words. A thinly veiled insult, or a backhand compliment? He bent his head over a monitor, pretending to look busy. Tuvok left through the moving doors and once again Tom was taunted by the forbidden outside world. He walked over to the door and listened to the familiar sound as it opened. Extending his hand beyond the door he and watched in fascination as it disappeared. He had seen this done countless times and knew what would happen, but he had to experience it for himself. There was no pain. He went from existence to non-existence in the span of a few seconds. It was amazing to watch it appear again.

"Mr. Paris!" The voice was right beside him. Turning around, he nearly bumped into the Doctor. From the expression on his face Tom knew this was one of those 'vexing' moments.

"I'm just experimenting. I've never been a hologram before," he said.

The Doctor let out an exasperated sigh.

"I understand this is all new to you, but you must be careful. We don't want you accidentally decompiling yourself," the Doctor said. He stared at Tom for a moment and then began to pace around the room. "I was so caught up in saving your life that I wasn't able to take the time to consider the ramifications. You must accept that you are confined to the sick bay and the holodeck."

"You could always let me borrow your emitter," Tom said.

"I will if there is an emergency, but I have to be honest. I am hesitant about loaning it out to you."

"And why is that?" Tom asked.

"Because you would come up with some far-fetched excuse not to give it back. Or conveniently forget. Or lose it."

"Doc, are you saying you don't trust me?"

"I am saying exactly that, Mr. Paris. You will be permitted to use it only if there is an emergency, so please save us both a lot of time by not asking about it again. Do I make myself clear?"

The passionate defense Tom was mentally preparing melted away. The Doctor was right. He was a student to of human nature, and Tom's nature in particular.

"You will attend to the patients, which will free up my time as I prepare a detailed report of this incident to Star Fleet and as I work find a way to help the Ketvians. I suggest you start a personal log of this experience. I'm sure future patients would like to know to what to expect."

"Future patients?"

"Of course. This is going to happen, Mr. Paris. This method of treatment will only go forward. Now I suggest you do as I say."

'Yes, Doctor," Tom said meekly. The doctor did have a point. The EMH went back into his office leaving Tom alone in the big empty sickbay. Well, he wasn't exactly alone. There was that stasis tube back there. He was alone with himself. He had now entered into the realm of the absurd.

Lt. Tom Paris Personal Log Supplemental

The Doctor has asked me to keep a log of my experiences as a hologram. I will dispense with the account of the events leading to my current situation as it has already been entered into the record by those present.

When I was revived in sick bay my first sensation was light even before I opened my eyes. I could feel my consciences work its way through this holographic body like a surge of energy. My senses are slightly enhanced but the Doctor does not know if this is simply part of the process or if it is something the Kevites programmed into their system. All I can say is this is a brand new world. There is so much that is familiar but at the same time there is something not quite real about it. It's like being a character in someone else's dream.

I can feel pain and I still feel emotions.

His voice went quiet.

I still feel, he thought to himself. His mind was not here. It was on the other side of the room, focused on the stasis tube that contained the 'rest' of him. He was his own unseen presence, his own ghost. It was starting to eat at him.

He needed to go look at himself. He needed to confront it because if he didn't it, would haunt him the whole time he was here and invade his dreams. He attempted to take a deep breath to buck up his courage, but then he remembered that he had no lungs, so that would not help. There was psychological resistance as he moved across the room, but he forced himself onward. Reaching the side of the tube, he averted his eyes, allowing his ears to become accustomed to the gentle hum of the mechanisms. He turned to face himself but his eyes closed automatically. He forced them open. He had heard stories of detached consciousness' floating around rooms taking time to stare down at their owners. That could not be any stranger than this.

He appeared to be resting peacefully, wearing the sick bay blues. An ugly red mark covered the right side of his face. Tom was never really vain about his appearance, although there were times when he wished he could have been described in some way other than having 'boyish good looks.' Perhaps a scar would give him a bit of gravitas. What would B'Elanna would think of that?

He felt a bizarre need to comfort himself. To treat himself as he would a frightened child, to touch his own face and whisper that things would work out. Would 'he' hear it? Would he 'feel' the sensation? How much of him was actually in this being of light trapped by magnetic containment field? How much of himself was in that tube? He noted that he was wearing his ring. He could wear it now of course, but then if he were transported away, the ring would stay behind.

Would he look like that if he died? His body sealed into a capsule ready to be shot into space. What if just his body died? Would he remain in this form forever? Would he watch B'Elanna grow old before his eyes? Would she stay with him?

Stop it. He thought to himself. Stop referring to yourself as he. It's me. ME.

A presence to the side of him disturbed his thoughts. Tom looked into the future and saw a long two weeks of the EMH looking over his shoulder.

"You can see from the monitors that you are progressing precisely on schedule," he said. His voice was cold and clinical. "That wound was much worse when you were brought in. When you are revived I will, of course, be able to take care of any scarring that might occur."

"Thank you," Tom said quietly.

"It is, of course, disconcerting to see yourself in this situation. I'm afraid I can't do much about that. If you were back in your organic state I could give you something for anxiety, but for now you must deal with it as best you can."

"I think I will eventually get used to it," Tom said, with more confidence than he felt. He needed to change the subject. "Do you feel anxiety?" he asked.

"Of course I do. I have concerns and fears," the Doctor said.

"How do you deal with them?" he asked. The air of mystery about his solid self-began to dissipate.

"I can adapt. I reprogram myself to adjust to new situation. Now, have you done as I instructed?"

"I started a log on my experience. I wish I could talk to Denara right now."

The Vidian Doctor had been part of their journey for two weeks several years ago. She was a very personable, caring woman. The Doctor used the same treatment for her that Tom was undergoing right now. She had become a hologram while the Doctor worked on her diseased body. Tom knew if she were here she would go out of her way to address his anxieties, but she was far away. If the beings in the Think Tank were to be believed, her race was now free of the dreadful Phage. Tom hoped life was good to her. Thinking about her made him feel lonely. As far as he knew, he was at that moment the only one of his kind.

"I suppose that is only natural," the Doctor said. He was quiet for a moment.

"Do you ever think about her?" Tom asked. He knew he was moving into very personal territory.

"She is embedded in my memory. I can access those memories whenever I feel the need. Unlike the memories of organics, mine do not fade with time. Whenever choose, to I can bring them up and they are as clear as they were when she was here," the Doctor said. He walked around and glanced at the monitor at the head of the stasis tube and then went back into his office. It was obvious he no longer wished to discuss Denara.

How many times has he accessed those memories? Tom wondered.

Since he had met B'Elanna, Tom's thoughts rarely strayed back to the days of his misspent youth. The memories were a mist in his mind, sometimes floating through but now they had little substance and rarely stayed around for long. Everything that had happened to the Doctor would stay with him forever but only if he choose to access those memories. Tom never wanted to revisit what happened on Tarakis again but he wouldn't mind reliving the first time he kissed B'Elanna. He leaned on the stasis tube and looked down at himself.

"Which one of us got the better deal?" he asked himself. His solid version stirred slightly, giving the impression that he was listening.

A small, faint scratching sound interrupted his reverie on memories. The room was empty except for himself and… himself. He heard it again. The sound was coming from the other side of the bulkhead. He considered opening the Jeffreys tube and crawling around in there to investigate, but then remembered he would probably disappear and that would create another vexing moment for the Doctor. He turned away from himself and the noise. It was probably some minor operation of the ship that normally went unheard.

He returned to the business of his personal log. Somewhere, someone in the future would find their neural functions inhabiting a hologram, and that person needed to know that while facing your solid self was strange, it was best to take care of it right away rather than avoid it. He spent more time than necessary thinking about how lucky it was that he happened to have a convenient holo twin.