Chapter Text
"Mr. Paris! Look at the position of the baby's head. It's a wonder you haven't dropped it! Now you hold it by its feet…" the Doctor said. His tone was sharp.
"It's slippery!" Tom said. The holo baby waved his tiny arms vigorously and shook his head violently as his small lungs filled with fake oxygen. It had been hard for his own holo fingers to get a grip.
"Of course it's slippery. We went through that." The Doctor was exasperated. "Computer, reset program!"
The baby disappeared and the young red-haired holo character named Mary reappeared. She was sitting huddled in a corner showing signs of obvious distress.
"Can you help me?" She gasped.
Tom immediately went to her side and took her hand and looked into her large oversized green eyes.
"Don't worry. I can help you. You'll be ok."
With the Doctor standing over him he went through the whole process of timing contractions and murmuring what he hoped were helpful words to the young woman. He somehow managed to help her work through the pain, taught her how to breathe and when to push. It was messy and noisy. The woman kept cursing someone and he inwardly cursed the Doctor and even the Captain who had ordered him, of all people, to fill a position that he was not suited for. He started to doubt that this was a requirement at all for anything. Maybe this was the Doctor's way of getting back at him for his casual attitude toward his sick bay duties and all those missed shifts.
Finally a baby boy appeared which he managed to hold correctly. Another few minutes and he presented the wrapped and clean infant to the smiling young woman. He didn't know who had created this program but he or she had done an excellent job. He could see real gratitude in those eyes and it in turn gave him sense of real accomplishment,
"Computer, end program." The Doctor said. Mary and the baby flickered away. Their disappearance reminded Tom of his own fear of deletion but he had also discovered that being around other holograms was not as bad as he feared.
"Much better, Mr. Paris. Now this was a standard labor and delivery with no complications and no instruments. We still have several scenarios to work through, but that will be enough for today. I will say that you do have an excellent bedside manner. You were able to calm the patient most efficiently."
"A compliment, Doc?" Tom asked. He laughed.
"I do try to give positive reinforcement when it is merited, Mr. Paris," the Doctor said stiffly. The mechanical sound of the opening holodeck door distracted both of them. It was Harry.
"Good afternoon!" he said cheerily. Tom realized that he had once again lost track of the passage of time. This was now part of the endless day that had become his life.
"Doc, if it is alright with you, B'Elanna and I have mapped out the rest of the day for Tom. The Captain has approved it," Harry said
"I suppose. You will, of course, report back to sick bay if there is any kind of emergency. We will continue with your training tomorrow at 08 hundred hours. Computer. Transfer EMH to sick bay."
"Thank you, Doc." Tom said. He smiled as the EMH dissolved away. He turned to his best friend "Finally! What do you two have planned?"
"Right now we are going skiing. B'Elanna will be along later."
"Harry, you are a real lifesaver." Tom said. Freedom was wonderful, even if it was only fake freedom supplied by a holodeck.
It was not a specific location, but a place of Harry's own design. He had clearly spent a lot of time on this. Long slopes and beautiful vistas and cold bracing air. The rush at the apex of the run was the same, the challenge of weaving through obstacles and the final feeling of accomplishment at the bottom of the hill. Harry fell a couple of times, tumbling harmlessly through the snow. He kept bumping into a pretty, petite blonde woman named Yvette.
"Careful, Harry." Tom warned. "Remember…"
"Don't remind me, Tom. I learned my lesson."
What was missing was the fear. They could turn the safeties off and while it might hurt, Tom knew he was in no danger. What must it be like to live like this all the time, he wondered? To fly into deadly peril, knowing nothing could harm you? But then, wasn't it the chance of getting hurt that added to the enjoyment of it all? The Doctor said he had concerns and fears, but did he ever experience anything similar to that rush of adrenaline when faced with an unknown obstacle? Did he ever want to?
The time came for one last run. He waited for Harry at the bottom of the hill, watching as the Ensign managed to plow into a snowbank. His friend emerged laughing, brushing the snow off his parka and his face.
"I hope you enjoyed all this!" he said.
"It was great. Thanks, Harry. You have no idea how much I needed this."
"So how is it, being stuck in there with the Doc?" Harry asked.
"We always get on each other's nerves in the best of times. I will say, though, this whole experience has given me a new... understanding of what it must be like for him," Tom replied.
"Tom having sympathy for the Doctor. I think I'm going to have to include that in the next transmission to Starfleet." Harry said.
"Very funny. When is B'Elanna showing up?"
"She's waiting for you in Holodeck Two. I'll see you tomorrow sometime. Computer, End Program." The windy locale of the fake Alps faded into the familiar lines and grids.
"Thanks again Harry." His friend exited whistling.
"Computer, Transfer Program Tom Paris One to Holodeck Two."
Normally transporting felt like a quick immersion into a beam of light. Now he was part of the beam, shimmering and stretched out from the floor to the ceiling, only to pop together again. It was a bit disconcerting, but not painful. He was back in his casual clothes in a replica of their quarters. B'Elanna was waiting for him, wearing her loose-fitting pants and tank top that she called her 'after work clothes'. She looked beautiful.
"After what Harry planned, I thought a normal evening at home would be nice," she said.
"That sounds great."
'You mean it?" She seemed a bit nervous.
"Of course I do," Tom said. He was happy to be alone with her. The location didn't matter.
"I've hated coming home alone to an empty room. I just thought we could do something routine. I had the TV beamed over. I thought we might watch Casablanca."
She walked over to him, and he became aware of the warm, gentle pressure of her arms around his waist. She rested her head on his shoulder. His arms immediately went around her and pulled her closer. Finally. He could stay there forever.
"It sounds perfect," he said quietly. "There is one thing I want to know though. Before we start…."
"Why do I have a hologram of you?" she asked. She sighed and looked away. She was clearly embarrassed.
"Well, now that you bring it up…"
"It's not what you think."
"What am I thinking?" he asked. He gently reached down and pulled her face back toward him. He smiled at her. He couldn't help that it might come across as slightly flirtatious.
She pulled away from him and playfully punched his arm.
"It will sound silly." She turned on the TV and led him to the couch. She sat down close to him. "You remember the way we used to fight? You would always have your say and then just... walk off. I hated it when you did that, but you did it all the time. It was so frustrating because I was NOT done with my side of the argument so I made the hologram so I could finish what I was saying. I yelled at him a lot. He was a verbal punching bag. I guess it's a Klingon thing. It's been a while since I activated him."
"Probably because since we got married I have no place to run," he said. "And is that is why my hearing so enhanced? You wanted it to hurt?" He laughed. The image of his wife ranting at this version of himself while 'he' just stood there and took it was comical. He couldn't help himself. She pulled away from him so she could punch him again, this time hard. His half-Klingon wife had a powerful punch.
"Ouch!" he said, but he couldn't stop laughing. After a moment she joined in. She leaned back against him and he put his arm around her but for the rest of the evening they couldn't glance at each other without bursting into laughter.
-01-
"She's not breathing!"
"Use the cardio stimulator, Mr. Paris. Place it right there…"
Tom's hands were shaking. This was the worst scenario of all. The baby girl had come too early and was too small. He didn't like the idea of holding the power of this little life in his own hands.
"Three milijoules should do it." The Doctor was extremely calm.
Tom allowed the small electrical pulses to shoot through the instrument. "Nothing."
"Again," the Doctor said. Tom complied, and wished he could program himself so he could relax or better yet, feel nothing. Just then he felt movement and the holo baby let out a small cry. Relief came hard.
"Excellent job, Mr. Paris. I must say you really applied yourself this time. Now make sure the vitals are stable." Once again they went through the drill of cleaning up the baby, checking out the mother and handing a clean, wrapped infant to the mother who once again smiled at Tom. Once again they flickered away.
Tom did not move but stayed in position, looking at the empty place where the mother and infant had been.
"How do you do that?" he asked.
"How does who do what?"
"You. Doctors. Go through that... again and again."
"We have an intense desire to alleviate suffering, Mr. Paris. I am, of course, programmed that way."
"But you have all those experiences of all those Doctors…they have to make those decisions about life and death all the time… how do they do it?"
"I could ask, what makes you want to sit at the helm of a Starship when you never know what you will encounter? Personally, I think that would be the last thing anyone would want to do. Aliens firing out you, spacial anomalies doing who knows what, controls shutting down...and you have the life of the crew in your hands. I honestly don't know how you do it."
Tom glanced up at the Doctor. The two remained quiet while they returned to sick bay, each lost in his own thoughts.