ALLEGIANT PART II

chapter fifty-four

"where i've become so numb / without a soul, my spirit sleeping somewhere cold / until you find it there and lead it back home"

Evanescence, "Bring Me To Life"

FOUR

The left side of my face was cold from the tiled floor. Whatever they shot me with made me feel groggy and weak and I kept kept my eyes shut as I slowly regained consciousness. I was a master at the Dauntless's simulation serum and I knew how to come off it properly, but I had never experienced being sedated before, so instead I focused on the sounds around me to distract me from the feeling of wanting to sleep.

Quiet chatter of nurses and doctors talking. Feet padding across the floor to check on patients. Clicking of keyboards and scratches of pencils against paper. And two dipshit security guards trying to decide what to do with me.

"So what do we do with him? He can't just lay on the floor."

"Obviously not. Let's put him on that bed over there."

"Isn't this guy kind of a big deal? Aren't we going to get in shit for knocking him out?"

"What other choice did we have? He would have killed us all trying to get in there. He almost punched my face in half! Guy's a freak of nature. Grab his legs and I'll get his shoulders."

"Don't you fucking touch me." I growled opening my eyes and looking up at them.

Their eyes widened in shock and they backed up. "How- how are you awake?"

"Because you clearly didn't use enough of the sedative." My head hurt. "Did you just let me fall on the floor after you tagged me?"

The skinnier one put his hands up in defense. "Hey man, look, the doctors gave us the needle. If you're going to be mad at anybody be mad at them."

I stood up and shook my head, still feeling the effects of the sedative. "How long was I out?"

"About twenty minutes." The shorter one said nervously, rubbing his swollen eye. It was starting to turn black.

The skinny one gave me a guilty smile. "Hey, I think your girlfriend's okay though."

His partner nudged him in the ribs and looked at me cautiously. "But you're going to have to wait to see her."

"Like Hell." I scoffed and turned away from them towards Tris's room.

Behind me I heard one of them say "Well, we tried. Can't get in shit now." and rolled my eyes. No wonder they were posted in the ICU of the hospital wing. While the real fight was going on in The Fringe these morons were patrolling a hallway full of vegetables.

As I rounded the corner next to Tris's room I ran into two doctors standing outside her door talking. They looked at me like I was the last person they'd expect to see and the fear and shock in their eyes made my ego swell.

"Next time you want to knock me out with tranquilizers, use a higher dose." I said proudly.

"Duly noted." One doctor said, narrowing her eyes at me, fascinated.

I hated how these doctors looked at us like we were lab rats. If David was still under control he'd probably have me locked in a glass tank being studied. Suddenly the door to Tris's room opened all the way and another doctor - a short woman with dark hair and eyebrows who I was sure was her primary doctor - came out and shut the door behind her. She looked more impatient and annoyed than fascinated.

"It was meant to relax you until we got Tris under control." She said. "Not all patients wake up peacefully after being in a coma for months and you in there screaming like a wild ape was just making it worse."

Her words caught me off guard and I tightened my jaw, a little embarrassed. "Let me see her." I said quietly but firmly. I was getting in that room no matter what.

"You can have a few minutes, but then she needs rest. I'll be right out here." She said and then moved out of the way.

I opened the door and walked in - heart pounding in my chest. There was a nurse in the room adjusting her IV bag. She gave me a small smile and walked out behind me but I paid no attention. I had been waiting for this moment for almost four months. Desperate to hear her voice and have a conversation with her. To yell at her for her stupidity and ask her what the hell she was thinking going into the death serum instead of Caleb, even thought I already knew the answer.

She lay in the bed on her side, with her back to me. I stared at her for what seemed like hours; watching her body rise and fall with breaths she was taking herself. Not comatose anymore. Alive. Awake. Conscious. It took every ounce of control I had in my body to remain still and calm. Registering the thought in my mind over and over again.

Tris is awake. My Tris is awake.

I walked around the side of the bed and looked at her, fighting tears from forming in my eyes. Her faced was flushed pink, and she had her eyes closed. Her face looked concentrated, as if she was trying really hard to sleep. My brows furrowed as I knelt down to her and I licked my lips. "Tris?"

I counted ten seconds and then she opened her eyes and looked at me.

"You're awake." I said out loud, afraid if I didn't it wouldn't make it real. "Tris, you're here."

Overwhelmed, I sighed with emotion and relief. I sat up and perched on the edge of the bed and grabbed her hand. It was warm. I tried to pull her up into me but her arm tightened and she held herself down. Still looking at me with her brows pulled together.

"Stop it." She said, trying to pull her hand away.

"No, it's okay, Tris. You're alive." Instantly frustrated with her. I tried to pull her again and she sat up but away from me. She pulled her hand out from mine and balled it into a fist at her side.

"I said stop it!" She said louder.

The heart monitor started to pick up and realization dawned on me.

Of fucking course.

Tris's face looked confused first, but when she looked back up at me and saw my expression, I saw fear in her eyes. She was scared of me? Did my face change that much in three months? But I didn't care right now. I was too angry to care about her feelings.

"You would be pissed that you're alive, wouldn't you?" My jaw clenched. "How fucking typical."

Her facial expression changed to anger instantly. She still didn't like being yelled at. Good. This should be interesting. I've been waiting for this fight for months. She glared up at me, anger and confusion in her face. But nothing could have prepared me for what she said next.

"Who the Hell are you?"

TRIS

Darkness... All I feel is darkness.

How long has it been since I've been alone in the darkness? Years?

This isn't heaven. All I see is darkness.

Tobias?

Is Tobias married now? With children? A small feeling of jealousy creeps in and I almost miss it. Jealousy? That Tobias would be happy, without me?

That's selfish, Beatrice. I scold myself. You are selfless now, remember?

Why would I feel such a human feeling right now. I'm supposed to be at peace.

Wait.

A shock of panic.

I can't breathe.

No, maybe I just think I can't breathe. I'm dead. How am I able to think? If I were at peace, why would I be thinking? Feeling?

Am I not at peace? The darkness- no. I see light. It's getting brighter.

Still can't breathe.

Panic. I feel like I'm falling.

I can't breathe.

Realization.

It's so bright.

Something is caught in my throat. I can't breathe.

When I opened my eyes I was blinded by the sun. My ears were ringing and my entire body ached, like I had been hit by a train. Was I? Did I fall asleep on the roof again? Sometimes when I needed to think I would lay on my roof under the warmth of the sun and drift off. I blinked a few times and tried to look around but my neck was stiff. When my eyes adjusted I realized it wasn't the sun. It was bright, fluorescent light bulbs above my head. And the ringing in my ears was now a loud beeping sound. And my throat- my throat!

I started to panic, ignoring the pain and twisting my head around. I'm in a hospital. Why? What happened? I see a man - a little older than me - standing by the door of the room I'm in, staring at me. His mouth is wide open and his eyes are fixed on mine. Who is he?

I start choking and reach up to my mouth, there's a tube in it. In my throat. I feel vomit trying to come up and I'm trying to scream. The beeping sound I realize is my heart monitor.

Doctors suddenly run into my room, grabbing at me, trying to take the tube out of my mouth. I'm thrusting against them - let me get it out myself! I try and say but I can't speak. A nurse starts rubbing my head trying to calm me down, and without thinking I reach up and hit her as hard as I can in the face.

She launches back and a doctor tries to grab her. Who are these people? I try and sit up and the man in the room starts screaming.

"Tris!"

He's looking at me with tears in his eyes. Tris? Nobody has ever called me that before. Does he know me?

I try sitting up but a doctor firmly pressed me down and with a quick swipe the tube was pulled out with a wet slippery sound. I take a huge breath of air and it hurts my lungs.

More doctors come running in and start dragging the man out as he's screaming and still looking at me.

I feel tears well up in my eyes and I start to cry out but it comes out as a hoarse whisper. "What's happening?"

"Relax, Tris. You're alright." A nurse says to me.

"Why are you calling me that? Where am I? Where's my mom?"

The door slams and I look over as a security guard dressed in green locks the door. The screaming man starts smashing the door trying to get in, and find myself crying harder. My head hurts so much.

"Get off me! Tris!"

Suddenly the screaming stops and all I hear is the monitor.

"Tris, I'm going to give you something to relax." A brown haired doctor says as she pops a needle into the tubes jammed in my veins.

"My name is Beatrice! Please don't!" I shout, but she's already shoved a clear liquid into me. A wave of calmness washes over me and I lay back down feeling submissive and defeated.

"Okay, Beatrice. My name is Amy. I'm your neurologist. Are you feeling okay now?"

I slightly nod.

"Are you in any pain?"

"Not anymore. I feel like I'm floating."

Amy smiled.

I'm sitting at my kitchen table, peeling potatoes with my mother. The sun has begun to set and the orange glow illuminates the room as the little light bulb attached to the ceiling happily glows with it. I can hear my father and Caleb in the living room talking about school. One of them laughs - I'm not sure who - their voices sound similar now that Caleb is older.

My mother smiles at me and goes back to chopping vegetables.

"Beatrice?"

Who's that? I look at my mother.

"Beatrice."

Who's talking to me?

"Beatrice."

I slowly opened my eyes. I'm in a small room. The hospital. Amy and a nurse are standing over me, concerned expressions on their faces. When I blink a few times they relax. The nurse goes about fussing over my blankets and monitors. A steady beeping now. Amy pulls a small flashlight out of her white lab coat pocket.

"Good. You're awake again. Can you stay awake this time?"

"Yeah, I think so." I shake my head and sit up.

"Easy, easy. I want you to follow my flashlight with your eyes okay?"

I nod and she shines it in my face, I stare into it and watch it as she moves it around. She nodded to herself and gave me a smile.

"Excellent. Squeeze my hand." She takes my left hand into hers.

"Good. Now you're right."

I squeeze back. Her hands are warm in mine. "What happened to me?"

"What's your name?"

"Beatrice Prior. Can you tell-"

"Beatrice, I'm going to ask you a few questions."

"Please tell me what's going on!" I start getting angry.

"Just answer me a few questions and then I'll tell you anything you want to know. What's your name?"

I start to say my full name when movement to my left catches my eye. I look at the window in my room with the blinds half open and see that strange man walking by. I slightly gasp and Amy makes an annoyed sound with her mouth and gets off the bed. She makes eye contact with the nurse who purses her lips.

"He's not going to give up so easily. The boy's been in here every day since she arrived." The nurse said, adjusting my IV bag.

Every day? How long have I been in here? I can see him out the window in the wall in front of me - he's arguing with a doctor outside my door. Amy looks over at me and sighs.

"Okay, fine. Tris, we'll finish this examination in a moment. I'll let him in."

Let him in?

She went outside and I can see them talking through the blinds. She's going to let him back in? My face turns red as I look at him. He's handsome - with dark features and an angular jawline. Tall with brown hair that swoops a little. I feel myself blushing. He's trying to see me? I hear the doorknob start to turn and I turn over and close my eyes tightly. Feeling more like a little girl than I ever have.

I hear him breathing as he stands there behind me. The sedative Amy gave me was wearing off and I knew I'd start panicking soon. Footsteps. He comes around the side of the bed, I hear him breathing deeply.

"Tris?" He says, his voice calmer and deep.

I decide to open my eyes and look at him. He smiles at me and runs his fingers through his hair, staring at me with wild, emotional eyes. I turn my head and keep looking at him, trying to remember him. I must know him. He must know me well if he keeps calling me Tris. Maybe he'll give me some answers. Before I can say anything he grabs my hand and I freeze instantly at the touch.

"You're awake." He says and tries to bring me into him. "Tris, you're here."

"Stop it." I blurt out, trying to pull free.

"No, it's okay, Tris. You're alive."

I don't know him, I don't know him! I yell inside my head. Who is this stranger grabbing me?

"I said stop it!" My eyes widened in surprise at myself.

Abnegation is not supposed to get angry and yell. And yet here I am, proving once again to myself that I don't belong. The heart monitor started to pick up, mimicking my heart beat as I started to freak out - whatever Amy gave me completely worn off. I look over at my apparent friend who's face has become dark and twisted and angry. He glowers down at me with such intensity it catches my breath in my throat. Almost familiar.

"You would be pissed that you're alive, wouldn't you?" He growled. "How fucking typical."

Suddenly I found myself angry. I wanted some answers and I was going to get them. "Who the Hell are you?" I demanded.

His eyes widened and he jerked back as if I'd slapped him. "What?"

"You heard me. Who the hell do you think you are?"

"Stop it, Tris. This isn't funny."

"You're damn right it's not funny. Why do you keep calling me Tris?"

He turned his head slightly and looked down at me. I saw him swallow. "Tris..."

"Stop calling me Tris! Tell me who you are before I get you kicked out." I threatened.

"It's me, it's- it's Tobias."

I licked my lips and slowly shook my head at him. His face suddenly went calm and his eyes blank.

"Are you telling me," He said slowly. "That you have no idea who I am?"

As I opened my mouth to say no he jumped up and stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him. The crash of the door hitting the frame sent a chill down my spine. I blew out a breath of air, frustrated and confused. How was I supposed to know this guy? I rack my mind trying to remember who he was. He must live in Abnegation, but I was coming up blank. Remembering Abnegation I sat up higher and looked out the window of the room. I didn't see my parents or Caleb anywhere. Where were they?

The door opened quickly and Amy stood there looking at me. "Beatrice?"

"Where are my parents? Can you get them?"

She frowned and closed the door behind her. Pausing for a second, then grabbing a chair, the thick wooden legs scraping the floor as she pulled it over.

"Amy?"

She sat down gently. "I need to ask you those questions first. What is your name?"

"Beatrice Prior."

"How old are you?"

"Sixteen." I said exasperated.

"Good. And where do you live?"

"Abnegation."

She pursed her lips. "Do you remember... anything? Do you know what happened to you?"

"No? What am I supposed to remember? Where is my family?"

"Your brother is here. The nurses went to get him. Would you like to see him?"

"Yes!" Caleb is here but my parents weren't? Were they at a council meeting? I felt like screaming.

"I'll be right back." Amy said and left the room.

I sat alone for a few minutes wondering what was taking so long. The face of the man - Tobias - still in my head. He looked so worried about me. But also so angry. Angry at me for not knowing who he was. I must have been in some sort of accident. That's why I'm here. It wasn't long before Amy returned, Caleb behind her, his eyes red and puffy like he had been crying. When he saw me he gasped and ran to my side, wiping tears away and blubbering.

"Oh my God, Beatrice, oh my God. I'm so sorry." He laid his head on the bed and sobbed.

"Caleb. It's okay. Where are Mom and Dad?"

He slowly looked up at me, horrified, then looked at Amy. She nodded to him. "Don't- don't worry about that right now."

I felt that hot anger rise in me again, furious that I was being kept in the dark and constantly shut down. "What's going on? Caleb tell me right now."

"I can't, Beatrice. I'm not... supposed to."

I jerked up straight, startling Caleb. He sat back in his chair. "I've had enough of being lied to. I want some answers and I want them right now!" I yelled the last part, my nostrils flaring and my teeth grinding. "I want my parents!"

Amy came over and placed a hand on Caleb's shoulder as he started to cry again. She thinned her lips and sighed. "Beatrice, we have a lot to talk about."