GoldieTheFazbear: "Oh my fucking god, that… was… crazy!"

Audience cheers

GoldieTheFazbear: "So, we're gonna, well, resume with Chica…"

Everyone groans. A sniffling Chica walks out on stage.

Chica: "D-do I have to come out?"

GoldieTheFazbear: "Yes."

Chica: "BUT IT'S SCARY!"

Chica bursts into tears once again.

GoldieTheFazbear: "That's exactly why I called in another friend, Trigger!"

A tiger wearing a black shirt, blue shorts, and a cap saying, "ROCK OUT, DUDE!" walks onto the stage.

Trigger: "It's okay, Chica. They're just people."

Chica: "P-people? Not a big scary monster?"

Trigger: "No, no, no! They're pretty much harmless.

GoldieTheFazbear: "Ok, Chica. So can you come over here?"

Chica shakily walks to the center of the stage and sits down.

GoldieTheFazbear: "Ok. So, Chica, whad'dya think of all the bitches at school?

Chica: "What does bitch mean?"

Trigger: "Try not to swear…"

GoldieTheFazbear: "Oh my fucking god,"

Trigger: "She's just a kid!"

Chica: "What does fucking mean?"

Audience laughs

Trigger: "Thanks for listening, Goldie."

Goldie facepalms

GoldieTheFazbear: "WHO DO YOU HATE AT SCHOOL"

Chica: "Umm, Foxy's really creepy and he's really mean to Freddy. He also loves Bonnie and I don't know, wants to have sex with her?"

GoldieTheFazbear: "Riiighhhht... He wants to fuck her..."

Trigger: "GOLDIE!"

Chica: "I still don't know what that means, but I think Goldie does."

GoldieTheFazbear: "Oh yeah, he knows like every obscenity in the English Language,"

Trigger: "Who even taught him to cuss like that?!"

GoldieTheFazbear: "Idk, not me!"

Audience laughs

Chica: "But he's really funny. I don't know why people think he's a meanie, he can actually be kinda nice sometimes,"

Random fanboy: "I SHIP IT!"

GoldieTheFazbear: "Hm. Still a better love story than Twilight."

Audience laughs

Trigger: "C'mon, Goldie! Let's not introduce her to love!"

Chica: "What?"

GoldieTheFazbear: "Whatever, what about Bonnie?"

Chica: "She's the bestest friend ever! We're gonna be friends forever and ever!"

Audience awwws

Trigger: "That's sweet!"

Chica: "Yeah! But I don't like when she does weird stuff with Freddy, it looks weird."

GoldieTheFazbear: "Wait, Freddy's banging Bonnie?!"

Trigger: "GOLDIE"

Chica: "Umm, I don't know, but they do mouth stuff way too much."

GoldieTheFazbear: "Oh, yeah. Kissing's gross."

Trigger: "People are dating in preschool?!"

Chica: "I- guess? But I don't wanna!"

GoldieTheFazbear: "Good. So what about the two boys?"

Chica: "Freddy and Foxy?"

Trigger: "Yup. Just tell us about them!"

Chica: "Well, Freddy's kinda nice, but he's always k-kis what again?"

GoldieTheFazbear: "Kiss…"

Chica: "Yeah, he always does the weird thing. But Foxy is SO MEAN! One time-he tripped me- and I FELL!"

Chica remembers what happened and starts bawling.

Trigger: "Don't cry, Chica. It'll be okay."

Chica: "NO IT'S NOT!"

GoldieTheFazbear: "Forget about that perv-ass fuckboy already!"

Trigger: "Screw that fox. He won't matter in the future!"

Chica: "B-but when's the future?"

Goldie facepalms as Chica continues to cry

Trigger: "J-just, here,"

Trigger hands Chica a bottle filled with apple juice. Chica sniffles and starts to drink it.

Chica: "I hate him though!"

Trigger: "Didn't he like, cause technical difficulties on one of the episodes?"

GoldieTheFazbear: "Yeah, he tried to bang someone..."

Chica: "Bang? Like this?"

Chica makes two figures with her hands and violently smashes them together.

Trigger, GoldieTheFazbear: "OH GOD NOOOOO!"

Audience groans in disgust

GoldieTheFazbear: "A-anyway! On with this… What about the Toys?"

Chica: "They're even meaner than Foxy!"

Trigger: "Like…..how?"

GoldieTheFazbear: "They're all whores! And you know what? If it wasn't for Savion I WOULD HAVE SLAPPED THAT GOD DAMN BITCH STRAIGHT ACROSS THE FACE! SHE SHOULD BURN IN MOTHERFUCKING HELL, THAT LITTLE CU-"

Goldie rages about how much she hates Toy Bonnie

Trigger: "Omg stahp swearing!"

Trigger pulls out a roll of tape and slaps a strip of it over Goldie's mouth. He hesitates, but then proceeds to tape her to a chair.

GoldieTheFazbear: "MMMPPHHHH!"

Goldie struggles angrily in her chair

Trigger: "Sorry, but I kinda don't want Chica to pick up this stuff!"

Chica points at Goldie and laughs.

Chica: "So, are we gonna finish this fucking interview?"

Audience gasps.

Goldie: "MMMPH! MMMPH!"

Goldie flails violently, but somehow discharges her tranquilizer dart gun in the process.

Goldie: "M-m-"

Goldie collapses in the chair.

Chica: "Wait, what?"

Trigger: "Idk, but why are they so mean?"

Chica: "They always call you mean names like "ugly", but they aren't even that pretty themselves!"

Trigger: "Sheesh! Does Miss Higgins not know about this?"

Chica: "She doesn't even care! Anyhow, Toy Freddy isn't that bad, he's just not really that smart…."

Trigger: "Okay…exactly how stupid? And isn't there also another girl?"

Chica: "He's, pretty stupid- I guess. Also kinda fat. And yeah. There's Mangle. She doesn't talk much."

Trigger: "That's…good to know. One last question: Do you like going to Fazbear Preschool?"

Chica: "Sure! The field trips are super fun! WE'RE GOING TO THE ROLLER RINK NEXT AAAAAAAHHH!"

Chica squeals in excitement. Goldie's chair tips and falls over with a sickening crash.

Audience groans. Trigger scratches his head nervously.

Trigger: "Yeah, well…Thanks for watching! And thanks to you, Chica!"

Chica waves to the audience, which cheers loudly

Curtains close