Thomas S6E7
A/N: A little drabble on Thomas based on certain theories after trigger warnings were noticed for the write up of episode 8. I wanted to get this written before the episode airs.
The poetic parallel of his viewpoint at this moment is not lost on him. There he sits, at his place at the table, looking down the long narrow corridor as his co-workers (he cannot call them friends) gather about an emotional, but happy Mr Molesley as they celebrate his success.
He is alone. An outsider looking in at the easy way everyone else has with each other. He cannot help the stab of jealousy that stings his chest, but at the same time he sees the irony. He has been invited to join in and yet here he sits. He just can't quite allow himself to believe that he would be welcome. Even if he was, he would most likely ruin the moment with a seemingly sarcastic comment. It is the way he operates, but with his past history of scheming and nasty put downs, it always comes across as though he doesn't care.
He had told Mrs Hughes that he felt like he had put down roots here, and it was true, but it really seems like those roots are attempting to cast him off. They don't want him. No one wants his company and no one wants to employ him. Mr Carson has hardly been sympathetic to his trials and all his past misdemeanours have weighed heavier in the balance against him than the many years of hard work.
Just as after the war, when his desperation to leave a life of service made him burn his bridges rather too spectacularly, so now he feels the lack of warmth towards him. Back then, he could at least prove his use to return to the abbey. Now there is nothing he can do, and he will so find himself set adrift. As much as his old self might have told them all to stuff their pity, now he just wants someone – anyone – to put up a fight to have him stay. Even Mrs Hughes, with all her practical sympathy, directs it towards encouraging him to go elsewhere.
He wants to stay in Yorkshire, even though London might be better for someone with his tastes. But London is a place to be ignored, to lose yourself and Thomas very much wants to be seen. To make an impression. Being a small fish in a big pond does not suit him.
He has no idea what to do with himself. If he is rejected once more, he doesn't think he could stand the shame, nor the waning patience of his employer. Nobody wants him to stay, and if a now job proves to be an impossible aim, then other decisions will have to be taken. He can't fight for something nobody wishes to give, and he very much doubts if anyone would notice if he makes other plans. He also doubts if anyone will lament for long, or at all, when those plans are put into action.
He looks down the corridor at the happy people framed in the kitchen doorway and finds he has never felt more alone than at this moment. It can't get much worse, and he doubts if it can ever get better.
He will not join them now. Instead he stands and makes his way up to his room to plan his future.
A/N: I feel like we are being asked to be supremely sympathetic to Thomas in this final season, in preparation for whatever episode 8 has to throw at us, but I find it problematic that we are supposed to forget every unkind, manipulative, devious, cruel (etc) thing he has done since the beginning of series one. He may well be trying to turn over a new leaf, but he's not doing a brilliant job (evidence, his dropping Gwen in it, his smirking, his really bad timing (he could've left the Carson's alone on the sofa, not imposed. He just wanted to talk to someone, but there are times and places).
All this being said, it would be terrible if what we suspect will happen (I'm being so vague, ha ha) actually does. I don't think he will succeed, and that's why I tried to end on a positive note, with the word 'future'. I think he does have a future, and hopefully those about him will help him to realise this in ep 8 and the christmas special.
I could go on, but I'll shut up now. Reviews, as ever, are HUGELY appreciated.