Carson S6E8

A/N: I've had lots of wonderful suggestions for insights, which I'll get around to eventually, but I'm toying with a multi-chapter fic covering various unseen elements from Thomas's suicide in ep8, and this needed to be written. TW's for references to suicide, but nothing major.

Charles Carson is brushing his teeth at the end of a very long day which has provided more than its usual quota of shocks. He has been focussing on the movement of the brush, but as he stares into his own eyes in the mirror above the sink, his action stills and he searches his face for any hint as to how these events could have possibly unfolded.

His eyes widen as the thought occurs to him that it is highly probable that he has played a very large role in the drama that is Mr Barrow's attempted suicide. The toothbrush falls from his hand, and he spits the froth from his mouth, before abruptly sinking onto the chair his wife keeps to one side of the bath for purposes he is yet to fathom.

He has been exposed to death before, of course he has. Quite apart from the plethora of young people taken before their time in recent years, he was witness to the late Earl's demise, as well as a very old gardener, who he had found in the greenhouse many years ago. But suicide – no one has ever done such a thing at Downton. He is at a loss to fathom what could a person to such an act. Quite apart from the fact it is a grievous sin, or so the church would have him believe, he cannot imagine anyone feeling such despair to be driven to the edge like that.

He has not always been fair to Mr Barrow, he will admit, although the man has done nothing to help his own cause over the years. The schemes hatched with Miss O'Brien, his sarcastic and patronising manner, the high handed way he asserted his position during the war, not the mention the incident with Jimmy, all make it very difficult to appreciate the man. It is easier to brush over the fact he is an exceptionally hard worker and clearly cares for the family, if his sorrow at Lady Sybil's death and his antics with Master George are anything to go by. It is easier to forget these things because it makes dismissal simpler, except that, like a bad penny, Thomas always turns up again, ready to serve, but only in so far as it serves himself. Or so it seems to Mr Carson.

He sighs, staring at his linked hands in his lap, and tries to fathom precisely what it is about the man that aggravates him so entirely, and causes him to be downright mean. The man is so unlike himself, showing such disdain for the life of service that has played such an important part in Charles's life. That, he muses, is the thing he finds hardest to accept and forgive.

It would surprise many people, Thomas included, to know that he is not quite so disgusted by the personal preferences of the under butler as he once was, and indeed this rarely factors into his dislike. True, he acted on impulse when Mrs Patmore raised the suspicion over his intentions towards Andy, but that had far more to do with the avoidance of scandal than personal distaste. There is no hiding from the fact that Thomas's desires are illegal, and whilst the house might be able to withstand a dead Turkish diplomat, a child born out of wedlock and a chauffer upstairs, there is only so much people are willing to overlook. The world may be changing, but it's not changed that much.

His Lordship's need to retrench has made it easier to try and push Thomas out the door. At last, a situation not even he could find an angle to exploit. Money is money after all. Thomas only needed to find a job, which wasn't that hard surely.

Ah, but how would he know? He's been here for most of his life, calmly and quietly moving up the ranks. It is a luxury that seems to be slipping away from the younger generation.

It seemed such as easy plan, but Thomas appeared reluctant to move on, which baffled Charles immensely. It wasn't as if he had anything to stay for her, although Elsie thought otherwise, and had told him of the surprising conversation they had had in the courtyard only days before.

He has been very blind, Charles realises, with a shuddering sigh. The war had long since finished and Thomas could've found a new position very easily after his foray into independence had gone sour. Instead he proved himself indispensable, especially in those lean months. Lady Mary had warned him to be careful back then, but even she seems to have changed her mind about the man, and there is no ignoring his connection to Master George.

It is a funny thing to see someone else fill the role of children's confidante and entertainer, but, now he thinks about it, Charles does not resent the connection. He has no experience with little boys after all, and has always felt his talents lay in calming female tempers. He has caught himself imagining the kind of children he and Elsie might have produced if they had begun earlier, and they are nearly always girls.

But now is not the time for such ruminations. The point is that Thomas's link with Master George reveals, more than anything else could, that Thomas Barrow is capable of feeling far more than he ever imagined possible, and even if that were the only merit in his character (which it is not, Charles reminds himself) he should be allowed to stay in the position to which he has devoted most of his life.

He is not so very different from me, thinks Charles, half amused and half rueful, even if life has hardened the younger man. Perhaps if they, he, were kinder, the true Thomas would emerge. He has a heart, no matter how hard he tries to hide it.

Charles stirs from his thoughts. He can hear Elsie move about their bedroom, preparing for bed. He has been in the bathroom far longer than brushing his teeth requires, but she has not come to check on him. She knows how much Thomas's actions have thrown him into turmoil and he'll speak to her when he's ready. He needs to speak to his Lordship too, for it is clear that the only place for Thomas is Downton.

Once that is fixed, he will pay the man himself a visit, to give him the news and apologise for his past actions. Thomas may not forgive him, but it will be worth the attempt.

Tonight though, he will embrace Elsie and fall asleep in her arms. With those final thoughts, Charles opens the bathroom door and walks out to his waiting wife.

A/N: I hope this does both the characters justice. Neither one is perfect, and as much as I like Carson, I can see how large a portion of blame can be laid at his door. Having said that, Thomas is not a saint, although I wouldn't wish death on him. I quite like him for his Machiavellian ways. As I said, I'm planning a longer fic to look at events, but I'm probably not going to get to that until Christmas!

A review or two would be wonderful ….. although no pure Carson hate please! Constructive criticism is fine though!