The whole way home, Rory was frustrated. Everytime she was stopped at a light, she went crazy. The highways were crammed with traffic and she just wanted to get home. Home and away from these thoughts.

The feel of Jess' lips still clung to her own, tempting her and haunting her. It had been hours since it happened but yet her lips had still felt warm from his. Rory wanted to erase it from her thoughts but she couldn't. Honestly, she didn't entirely want to. Kissing Jess had been...well, like coming home.

When she finally entered her apartment, Rory threw down her purse and her luggage. She sighed heavily and went straight for her hall closet. She piled out all she could before reaching the absolute back wall. There was a box standing there in the shadow, illuminated by the light on the ceiling.

The Jess box.

As she pulled it out of the closest, she noticed the dust piling on the top. Rory wiped it off with her hand and carefully lifted the lid.

The box hasn't been opened in years. In fact, she hasn't thought she looked at it since she was nineteen years old. But here she was, thirty years old, and afraid of what teenage Rory had put in here. First, she pulled out a small white bear. It wasn't as new as it once was but still in a good condition. She smiled as she remembered that night at the winter carnival. It seemed like forever ago but still in some ways, it felt like yesterday.

Next was the ear buds from the Distillers concert. Rory closed her eyes and remembered that message she left for him and how she told him to erase it without listening. If he did hear it, he never told her. But she said she didn't want to be that girl and yet, there she had been, that girl.

Rory remembered the actual concert next. She remembered Jess holding her hand as they found their seats and how he bought her food and drinks without asking if she needed it because he just knew. She remembered standing up the majority of it and how he had moved behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist.

Rory had leaned her head back and closed her eyes, swaying to the music in his arms. Jess would occasionally kiss her hair, her ear or her cheek and she just melted into him. She had forgiven him for not calling her that week right in that instant. She knew she was being that girl, but being that girl didn't feel so wrong. It felt right to be here, to be with Jess.

Finally, Rory opened her eyes and looked down at the earbuds in her hand. She placed them next to the teddy bear on the ground and shuffled through to the next item. It was her copy of Howl. She let out a small smile as she remembered the night she and Jess first met. Flipping through the pages, his margin notes stood out the most. There was a pang in her chest as she remembered senior year of college, when Paris gave away the rest of her books with Jess' margin notes. Rory tried so hard to get them back but it was so luck.

She was grateful she kept this one in the box. It was the first of her books he had done that to, after all.

Putting the book aside, she found an old T-shirt of his. They'd been hanging out at Luke's apartment above the diner and Rory had gone to rinse her cup. The faucet streamed water right at her, soaking her shirt. Jess swore and went and grabbed a shirt of his for her to change into. He knew she didn't want to wear a soaking, see-through shirt for the rest of the afternoon and she was grateful. After that day, she never returned it.

There was a piece of her basket that had broken off after their lunch inside the box. His words came back to her. Ernest only has lovely things to say about you. She looked through more items. A receipt for the ice cream they got before their accident. A napkin from Luke's he wrote a note on. A picture of the two of them her mom had taken.

She stopped when she found the picture. Jess' expression in it looked truly happy and she wasn't sure she ever noticed quite how much before. Not even at the time it was taken. Rory even saw a light in herself, one that if she was honest had been missing these past ten years.

Rory hadn't realized she was crying until a tear fell on her hand. She dropped the picture back into the box and wiped at her eyes. She was determined to not cry especially right now. Why was she crying anyway? Because they kissed? Or because of the memories? To be honest, she wasn't quite sure.

Her hands quickly packed what she took out back in, ignoring the remaining items in the box. Rory pushed the box back inside her closet and put everything else back in its place too. She wiped furiously at her eyes again, feeling the wetness forming.

It didn't make sense to cry. She thought she had cried all her Jess tears many years ago. The last time she had cried over him was the night of the open house nine years ago. Rory had felt so guilty over what happened - how she treated him, what she tried to do, about Logan, hurting herself while hurting Jess. No matter how hard she tried to, she could never get that broken look on his face out of her head or the way his voice sounded.

She remembered vividly pulling out of her parking space near Truncheon and driving into the street. But less than five minutes later, she found an empty parking lot and pulled in, her tears spewing out faster than she could process. Her hands slammed on the steering wheel, her feet kicked at the car's floor. Rory had made herself a promise that night that after what she came there to do, she didn't deserve to cry over Jess Mariano.

And yet here she was, crying over him. This time she wasn't even sure why either.

Her cell phone rang and she jumped out of her memories. Rory went over to her purse and looked at the caller ID.

It was him.

Jess.

Too afraid to answer and hear what he might say, she just stood there and let it ring. Finally it stopped and it chimed to tell her she got a new voicemail.

Hesitantly, she picked up the phone and called her voicemail. The programmed voice told her she had one new and one saved. Then she heard his voice and it didn't matter she just had been crying or that she looked in his box.

"Hey, Ror," Jess said. She could picture him upstairs in Luke's apartment, his head down and shuffling his feet. His hand would either be in his pocket or running through his short hair. "I hope you made it home okay. Uh...damn it. I wanted to...to tell you I was sorry. For what happened, before you left. I'm not sure how exactly it happened. Maybe because it's me and its you. Who knows? But..."

She heard Jess sigh and smiled a little. He was nervous. She was glad to know she wasn't the only one who still was so affected being around the other. He continued. "I'm sorry. I said that, I know. I hope this doesn't make anything awkward and I wanted to tell you I was leaving next week. So if this, you and me, is awkward...I'll be gone. Thats, uh, it. Bye, Rory."

He hung up after that. Rory hit replay on the message and just paid attention to his nerves. She smiled to herself, tears gone, as she felt seventeen all over again.

...

"What about this one?" Lorelai asked her daughter as she pointed to another box.

Rory walked over to it and looked through it. It was another box of books. "It's books. I'll take it."

Lorelai smiled and rubbed her pregnant belly affectionately. "How many boxes of books is that?"

"Not too many," the younger girl laughed. "Most of them are at the loft."

Her mother nodded. "What's this one?"

Rory made a face. She didn't remember packing a box that size. Instead of answering, she walked over to it and peaked inside only to shut it just as quickly. "Um, I'm going to leave that one here."

"Hun?" Lorelai asked. She noticed the change in Rory's expression. "What is it?"

"That's the..." She started then sighed. "It's the Jess box."

Lorelai's eyebrows rose. "The Jess box is still down here?"

Rory nodded. "I never put it away with the Dean box."

"And you want it stay here?" She asked. "How come? You want me put it away, too?"

She shook her head. "I don't know."

"Hun?"

"Yeah?"

Lorelai walked closer and both her hands went to Rory's arms, rubbing them soothingly. "You sure you went us to put it away?"

Rory shook her head again. "I can't take it with me."

"Uh-huh," Lorelai nodded with a smirk. "I don't think Logan will be too thrilled if you brought a box of ex-boyfriend memories home."

Rory didn't catch on to joking. "Probably not."

Lorelai noticed the way Rory was staring at the box. "Don't tell him what it is."

"What?" Her head turned back to her.

She shrugged. "Take it. It means something to you still. You obviously don't want it hidden in an attic. So, take it with you. Tell Logan its a box of stuff you couldn't part with."

"And if he figures it out?" Rory asked.

"Is there anything in the box that will show its a Jess box without him knowing what each thing means?" Lorelai countered.

She thought about it. She couldn't remember anything besides the book. But he didn't know of Jess' margin notes and Paris had thrown out her other books he had done it in. She sighed. "No."

"Okay," her mom nodded. "Its settled then."

"You don't think it's crazy to bring a box of stuff from a previous relationship into the home I share with my husband?" Rory questioned.

Lorelai smiled softly at her daughter. "I think Logan loves you and you love him. I think you never exactly let go of a certain bad boy and even though I will never understand, and if that box is important to you, you should have it."

"Really?"

"Really."

Rory bit her lip and looked at the offending box. "Okay."

"Now move it out of here because I can't bend," Lorelai teased as she pointed to her bump.

...

Jess was bored. He sat at a Luke's upstairs table while Tom held blueprints out for him. Luke decided it'd be better to do this upstairs - hoping Kirk would not come up and vet involved - which only led to Tom taking over the apartment.

"Wouldn't it be easier to do this at Lorelai's house?" Jess interrupted.

Luke and Tom looked over at him. Tom spoke first. "That would be better."

"Would it help move the plans along faster?" Luke asked.

Tom and Jess both answered. "Yes."

"She's at work, right?" Jess asked his uncle.

"Yes," Luke said. "She brought Evan with her so the house would be empty."

"It'd be easier to look at the house and determine everything that needs to be done," Tom cut in.

After a few more minutes and wrapping up the blueprints, they started a walk down to Lorelai's house. Jess walked slowly behind them as his thoughts traveled to Rory. He left that stupid message and had been kicking himself ever since. He was hoping working on the house would change his thoughts but so far, it hadn't been working.

When they got to the Gilmore/Danes house, Jess took a deep breath. It may not be her house anymore but he couldn't help but be transported to high school when he saw it. Luke opened the door and he and Tom went right to the living room to check out what they can do. Jess, on the other hand, walked to the kitchen and stared at the doorway he knew so well.

The door was only slightly open and it was Evan's room now but he could picture standing right there fourteen years earlier. Jess remembered her smile as she turned around and introduced herself and how he knew he was doomed as soon as he saw this unreal, beautiful girl sitting there.

...

Jess woke up grumpy. That wasn't an unusual thing but today, it was different. He reached his arm over to the other side of the bed and found it empty. He sat up instantly and looked around the room. "Jen?"

There was no answer so he got out of bed and threw a shirt on. He spotted her in the kitchen, drinking coffee on a stool. "Morning."

"I called for you," he walked into the room then sat beside her. "Thought you left."

"I didn't," she shrugged. "I just woke up early. Couldn't sleep."

Jess nodded. "Because of what I told you?"

She looked at him through her eyelashes. "Yes."

"I thought you wanted to know," he defended. Jess wasn't even sure why he was getting defensive.

"I did," Jen started. "I thought I did."

"And now?" He asked.

"I didn't know...the extent of your feelings," she explained.

"There's an extent?" He asked. "What does that mean?"

"It means..." She sighed, took a deep breath. She did everything but look Jess in the eye. "It means I think you're still in love with her."

Jess shook his head. "I told you, it's ov-"

"It's not over," she cut in. "You think it is but its not. Its so clear how you talk about her...you still love her."

"She's married," he said.

"That wouldn't change your feelings for her," she explained. "She could be whatever and you'll still be in love with her."

"That's not true," he said and moved closer to his girlfriend. "I love you. You know that."

"I'm not saying you don't," she smiled softly. "I'm just saying I'm not the only one you love."

Jess closed his eyes then reopened them. "Rory is...she's my past. She is long gone. Even if there still are...feelings, its long over."

"Jess?"

He looked at her. Really looked at her for the first time this morning. Her eyes were red like she had cried but the tears were long gone. She had no make-up on which was weird for her because she had a routine where she always liked to put that on first thing in the morning. He nodded and waited for her next words. Before starting, she took his hands in hers.

"I love you," she smiled. "I know you love me. But I also think that maybe...maybe this isn't right for you. To be with me while you want to be with her."

"I don't want to be - "

"Let me finish?" She asked and he nodded, waiting. Jen looked deep into his eyes. "I think you believe you don't want to be with her. Maybe because she's married, maybe because of all the hurt you caused each other in the past. I'm not sure. But sooner or later, you're gonna want her back for real. And I'm not sure I'm ready for that or will ever be."

Jess sighed and looked down at their hands. "What can I say to make this better?"

"Don't say anything," she smiled again. "If you say anything, I might regret this."

"Regret this?" She nodded. "Us as this or...?"

"Breaking up with you," she confirmed.

"Jen."

She touched the side of his face and his cheek leaned into her palm. "Let me go. I'm not saying goodbye forever. We'll still see each other at work. Just, I want you happy. And I know you won't be happy trying to replace Rory."

"Me and her are never going to be anything but the past," he said. It wasn't a plea or a defense. It was what he really believed especially when he considered the blonde dick at Yale into the equation. "Breaking up because I wouldn't be happy with anyone but her is pointless. I'll just be alone, then."

"And if you're still alone in the future," she said as she tool her hand away. "Then maybe we can work on this. But I think you need to think about how you feel about her through before another girl falls in love with you."

Jen stood up from her seat and his hand that was still holding hers moved with her. Jess stared right into her eyes. "Wait."

She shook her head. "I'm gonna get dressed and go. Its better that way."

She let go of his hand and walked towards the bedroom, grabbing her stuff and shutting the door. Jess waited just a few minutes before the door opened again. Jen walked out dressed in jeans and a tank top, purse slung on her arm and make-up done.

He thought she was going to walk right out but instead she walked over to Jess. He was in the exact spot he had been in before she left the room. Jen kissed him softly on the lips and smiled as she pilled away. "Goodbye, Jess Mariano. I'm gonna miss you."

"Me, too," was all he could manage before she walked out the door.

...

"You mind giving a hand here, Jess?" Luke called to him.

"Yeah, sure." Jess broke out of his trance and walked into the living room where Tom was holding a tape measurer against the back wall by the TV.

He went to help do the measurements to see if a door would fit with the space they have. When Tom was done marking it down, Luke walked over to Jess. "You sure you have to leave next week?"

"I'm sure," he nodded. "Matt called. Said they needed me to come in and meet some people."

"Okay," was all Luke said. "Come back when you can?"

"Of course, Uncle Luke," Jess gave him one of his trademark smirks as they went back to work.

A/N: Just a few things ;) Remember Jen is mentioned early on in the fic. She will make appearances in present day so I wanted to get that out there. There will be a continuation of Rory's flashback. Either the next chapter or maybe later if it works better that way but it will be in here.

And The Distillers concert - I got the idea of that from a tumblr post that said headcanon of them cuddling just like that during one of the songs. I can't remember which one though, sorry :( But I thought it'd be nice to make a little shout-out to that post in here because it's kind of my headcanon too.