A/N: Warning- A plot bunny that desperately needs to go to rehab and an author who shouldn't write after finals
(Looks nervously): Enjoy? o_0
Chapter 2: Dripping Honey and Electric Fire in Our Veins, We Burn Gold
Kaname sighs and stares at the wooden door.
After walking Yuki and her friend back to the library, despite Yuki's insistence that he didn't need to escort them or go that far, Kaname had then turned and walked straight to Zero's room.
Kaname shakes the umbrella, now wet from the rain, in one hand and knocks on the door with the other.
He can sense by the heartbeat that Zero is still in his room.
There is no answer. He's not surprised, already having expected the response. Zero rarely is, if ever, welcoming. Kaname sighs.
He glances at the doorknob and mentally turns the lock. A sharp metal click echoes, and then he opens the door.
He carefully pulls the door shut behind him and props the umbrella against the wall.
Kaname's skin immediately prickles with unease. Something is wrong here.
Wary at the strange premonition, his eyes rove around the room. They stop at Zero sitting by the window on a space too cramped to be comfortable.
Zero has his knees raised halfway as he tucks himself tightly on the ledge. He doesn't have on his usual uniform. Instead, Zero is wearing a rumpled white t-shirt and some dark blue sports shorts.
His ankles are therefore exposed, pale and slender, and Kaname's mind stops abruptly at the odd sight, odder even when the image persists in his mind and sends another tendril of unease and alarm through him.
He thinks it is because the words "vulnerable" and "delicate" come to mind, words he never thought would describe the hunter.
Zero's face is turned to the window though. All Kaname can see is his side profile.
He can also see that Zero is holding the Bloody Rose. However, something in the way Zero presses the gun flat against his chest, knuckles white from the tight grip, makes Kaname pause in wariness.
What's even stranger is that Zero has not said anything since he walked into the room.
He has not raised his head to look at Kaname or even offer his usual sullen remark.
Nothing. Not a single word.
Zero just keeps staring out the window.
Kaname frowns as minutes waltz by, and Zero makes no move to respond. Is Zero choosing to ignore him then?
No. That doesn't seem quite right.
A suffocating somber silence presses down on the room. It intermingles with the rhythmic rainfall, and looms before Kaname in some inexplicable chasm between him and Zero. It does nothing to take away from the rather forlorn and still figure that Zero poses, and instead makes Zero seem that much more removed from everything.
Kaname feels, for some odd reason, like he is intruding on something private here.
He also feels extremely uncomfortable as Zero's quietness increasingly chafes him.
"Zero?"
Kaname almost wants to cringe because his voice echoes obnoxiously loud in the room, and shatters the solemnity in the air.
There's a pause, a slow intake of breath, and then Zero hoarsely whispers and barely glances at him before gazing out the window again, "What do you want, Kuran?"
Kaname stares at him. Zero sounds exhausted and reluctant.
He answers carefully, eyes roaming over Zero's slumped form, "Yuki asked me to come see you. She's worried."
Zero tenses at that before he replies curtly, "I don't want to see anyone."
Kaname pauses. Zero is clearly upset. He decides not to push the issue- it's honestly not his place to- and instead says, "Fine. Let me give you blood and I will leave."
Zero's jaw clenches before he answers in the same curt tone, "You don't need to do that. Just leave."
Kaname pauses, still a little unnerved by the atmosphere, before he says firmly, "I am not leaving until you drink."
Zero stays silent. Kaname takes it as another sign of resistance. He suppresses a sigh before he strides over to Zero.
Only to stop abruptly when Zero points the Bloody Rose at him.
Kaname furrows his eyebrows and frowns. "Must you always be so difficult?"
"Don't come any closer, Kuran," Zero grits out, finally facing him now with lilac eyes glaring in vexation.
Kaname narrows his eyes. "Zero, stop being so stubborn. The sooner you drink, the sooner I leave."
Zero flexes his fingers and the gun cocks. His voice hardens, "I said, get out. Don't make me repeat myself."
"I don't wish to repeat myself either."
Zero's face tightens at his response, but Kaname merely looks at him coolly.
Zero's obstinacy is something he reluctantly admires and detests all at once. Mostly because it always comes up in situations like these when it would makes things so much easier if Zero would just listen to him.
Kaname sighs and takes another step forward before Zero spits out, "I will shoot. Don't move any closer."
Kaname answers, voice sharp with reprimand and impatience, "We have gone over this already. I cannot let you roam around school when you cannot control your bloodthirst. I will not let you endanger Yuki because of your stubbornness."
At the mention of Yuki again, Zero's expression falters briefly before he looks determined again. He says coldly, "That's why you should not keep giving me your blood."
Kaname lifts an eyebrow before he replies dryly, "And how exactly would that make her safe?"
He is about to take another step forward before Zero surprises him by lowering the gun.
Kaname abruptly stops at the unexpected movement.
Zero looks away and his voice sounds emotionless and frigid. "Because I won't be here anymore."
Won't be here anymore? Kaname looks at him bewildered, all previous irritation fading away in favor for surprise. "What does that mean?"
Zero opens his mouth to answer before he shakes his head, obviously thinking better of it and instead states cryptically, "Exactly what I said."
Zero nods towards the door. A weary and hollow expression darkens his eyes as he says tiredly, "So just go. You won't ever have to do this shit ever again."
Kaname stays silent. The disquieting feeling he had ever since walking into Zero's room intensifies. His mind nags at him that Kaname has sorely overlooked something.
He takes in Zero's tensed lines and his anxious grip on the gun, and his mind travels back to how Zero looked like when he first stepped in the room.
Kaname eyes the gun carefully and mentally gauges the distance while he asks, "What do you mean by that, Zero? What are you thinking of doing?"
"I don't have to tell you." Zero looks straight at him then, lilac eyes resigned and grave. "Besides, you can piece the words together anyway."
Kaname can, and he does not like what they imply. "You can't honestly be thinking of…of…"
The words trail off uselessly in the air. Kaname is thoroughly taken aback by how Zero does not move to correct him, by how this is actually a possibility.
Zero only frowns. "Don't pretend like you give a fuck. You hate me, don't you? This works out perfectly for you anyways. It's not like you never thought of getting rid of me."
His tone is sharp and accusatory, daring Kaname to argue otherwise.
Kaname bites his tongue back on a sharp retort and finds himself unable to contradict Zero's words.
He cannot deny that he never thought of it, of getting rid of Zero. He remembers how unbelievably angry he was when Zero bit Yuki, and how it was only Yuki's pleas and tears for him to save Zero that stopped him from doing so.
But at the same time, Kaname does not hate Zero. He is not going to feel any triumph or joy in Zero's death.
Kaname knows who he hates, knows what true hatred feels. So while his feelings towards Zero are…complex, they are nowhere near the level of bitterness and darkness that true hatred is.
In fact, the blank way in which Zero says it, like he already has rationalized and accepted his death, bothers Kaname immensely.
What…what has brought this on?
Kaname stares at Zero and is unnerved when he sees that Zero is completely serious. He echoes his observation, incredulous, "You already made up your mind to do this."
"…Zero, this is not something you can decide just like-"
"Why? Why can't I?" Zero demands. "It's my life. I can do whatever the hell I want. This is none of your business, Kuran."
Kaname can only stare at Zero in disbelief and exasperation.
It's absurd that Zero is even thinking about this much less actually being determined to carry it out. And this is far from the conversation he expected to have or ever be prepared for.
He needs to stop Zero. Stop this incredibly rash decision.
So Kaname says quietly and deliberately, "And Yuki? What about her? How do you think she would feel if you disappeared? Who would help protect her then? You would shatter her if she knew you killed yourself."
It's a callous move.
Kaname knows that. He also knows that if there is anyone who Zero cares for, if there is anyone who can change Zero's mind, it is Yuki.
Predictably, Zero stills before his eyes blaze furiously and he snaps angrily, "Don't bring her up, you manipulative bastard! I'm not doing this to hurt her!"
Zero clenches the hand that's not holding the gun, and his voice is acidic with resentment, "You always bring her up. You did it when I didn't want your blood. And you're doing it now. But what you really want is to use me in another one of your twisted schemes."
Zero continues in a hard voice, "I'm not the one who's selfish here, Kuran. You are."
Kaname narrows his eyes.
The words strike a chord in him because he knows perfectly well that he is being hypocritical right now. He does not appreciate the reminder. He likes it even less how Zero sounds so righteous, how his eyes burn with condemnation.
He counters harshly, "And what of it? If I'm selfish, what does that make you? Do you realize how much Yuki cares for you?"
He grimaces and cannot help the bitterness that bleeds through his tone. "You have no idea, Zero. How many times she comes to me asking for help, not for her own problems, but for you. Always for you. She puts you before herself."
Kaname stops abruptly and tries to calm himself down, but he thinks of Yuki's earnest expression earlier today, the desperateness in her eyes from when Zero couldn't control his bloodthirst before, how even though Zero bit her, all she could think of was how to help and save him, how instead of running away, Yuki ran to Zero.
She loves Zero. She would not be able to handle Zero's death.
He swallows hard. The knowledge pains him and angers him at the same time because Zero has no idea of the effect he has on Yuki.
Kaname says tightly, "She would do anything for you, Zero. Are you going to ignore that?"
Zero freezes. He looks searchingly at Kaname, and Zero's eyes widen in dismay at whatever expression he finds there. Zero staggers backwards, all previous anger shedding off him like cracked armor.
Zero opens his mouth, but then closes it silently. He settles instead for staring at Kaname.
There is a growing expression of despair on his face. Zero's eyes are wide, lilac irises churning vividly with pain and hurt. The gaze pierces through Kaname and makes him inhale sharply.
This…this isn't the reaction that Kaname expected. Or hoped for.
Zero looks so lost, and it is an expression Kaname has never seen on the hunter. One that grates against his nerves because it doesn't look right there.
In fact, nothing about this conversation is right.
All of a sudden, the air around them shifts to something dangerous and fragile, and Kaname immediately tenses.
Zero whispers, "You don't get it. I-I can't do it anymore."
Kaname stills. He has no idea what to do with that admission, nor what to do with the sudden change in tone either. He honestly expected another angry remark and then the two would argue like always until they were fed up with each other and the conversation.
It…It seems rather unproductive when he phrases it like that, but most of their confrontations end that way, so Kaname has no idea how to handle this new playing field.
He doesn't know what to do with Zero looking like this, when this is clearly something mere words and actions cannot resolve.
"Do what?" Kaname repeats, unsettled by the situation.
He regrets the words as soon as they leave his lips. They sound as useless as they are.
Kaname vaguely thinks he lost control of the situation the minute he walked in. Why is he the one having this conversation with Zero?
He is not the right person for it. Not at all.
"This. Any of this," Zero says helplessly.
Zero looks away, and his voice is strangled. "I-I should be dead. I should have died that night. W-with my parents. Then none of this would have happened. I w-wouldn't have to deal with losing myself. I wouldn't have-have ever bit Yuki. I wouldn't have to take blood from you. I wouldn't have to k-kill my brother."
His voice trails off in a mere whisper with the last words.
Kaname is speechless. There is so much pain in Zero's voice. What is he supposed to do?
Zero says quietly, "I'm better off dead than what I am right now."
He looks down at the Bloody Rose, and there is something in his expression that makes Kaname narrow his eyes in alarm.
There is a blur of movement, a hand, a glint of metal before Kaname blinks and reflexively lunges towards Zero.
The two fall to the floor with the force of his lunge. Kaname hears a surprised cry from under him, but his heart races and all Kaname fixates on is the gun in Zero's left hand.
He takes advantage of Zero's surprise to twist the gun away from Zero's fingers and fling it away. He hears more than sees it smack the wall on the right.
Kaname inhales sharply with relief. He does not realize that he is still gripping Zero's wrists until he hears Zero struggling.
"-ou hear me? Let me go! What the fuck do you think you're doing?"
Kaname does not let go though. Not with the gun still in the room. Not when Zero is still so upset.
"Let me go! You fucking bastard. Let me go! Let me go." Zero is hysterical now. He thrashes wildly under him, and Kaname finally notes the position they are in.
He leans back so that he is the one sitting on the ground now, and hopes that it might calm Zero down a little. But Kaname still keeps a tight hold on Zero's wrists, and it ends up pulling Zero awkwardly onto his lap.
Needless to say, it does not calm Zero down at all and instead inspires a stream of colorful curses.
Kaname feels utterly helpless. It's a rare sensation and he does not take well to it.
His mind is still processing how the conversation even escalated to this point, and his primal instincts bristles at Zero's strong hostility towards him.
What is he supposed to do here?
He wavers between letting Zero go, but the gun is still in the room and he doesn't trust Zero to think rationally right now.
God. It sounds completely insensitive of him to admit it, but he never expected Zero to be so affected by his brother's death.
No, that's wrong. There is a lifetime of pain and grief emanating from Zero now, more than just from Ichiru's passing and he has to wonder how long Zero has been holding it in.
It also makes Kaname question how he could possibly never notice that. How much pain does it take to break a person?
There is a nauseating uneasiness in him when his mind whispers that it is because he never cared to.
Zero thrashes again, and Kaname blinks. "Let me go!"
Zero looks up at him, eyes wild with panic and anger. "Why are you stopping me? Answer me!"
Kaname wonders where all his usual eloquence has gone because he still can't manage to utter a single word in response. He acted on pure instinct in stopping Zero, but now the reality of the situation finally sets in.
Zero just - he really was going to pull the trigger. How is he supposed to compartmentalize that fact?
What is he supposed to say to Zero right now? Plead for him to stop this insanity? Yell at him for how incredibly unreasonable he is right now? Tie him down and get someone else to force Zero see reason?
Would anything Kaname do even make a difference? Zero never listens to him. Can barely even act civil towards Kaname on a daily basis. That certainly won't change right now.
Kaname thinks any words he can utter right now will be useless, and if anything, he might worsen the situation beyond repair.
….Why is he the one having this conversation?
Meanwhile, Zero stiffens at his silence. He wants desperately to punch Kaname or do something-anything- because where the hell does Kuran get the pretense to intervene in this?
He can't pull himself away, and the effort only drags painfully against his skin as Kaname absolutely refuses to let his wrists go. It only intensifies the helplessness Zero already feels.
He hisses, "Is this some sort of sick game to you?"
At that, Kaname finally manages to find his voice and he stares at Zero, a little horrified and vexed. His voice is sharp and serious, "No. No, of course not."
Zero only narrows his eyes because it answers absolutely fucking nothing and demands, "Then why did you stop me? Don't give me some bullshit about how you care." His eyes darkens to a bright red as the bloodthirst finally seeps through. "I know you don't. Is it because I'm not dying in the way you planned me to? Huh? Is that it?"
Kaname only widens his eyes at Zero because no, it's not at all what he's thinking right now. He's thoroughly shaken by Zero's responses. It unnerves him how Zero is still thinking about dying.
Zero, on the other hand, seethes. He does not understand what Kaname is thinking. His fingers itch to claw off the infuriating blankness on Kaname's face, and something in him just snaps.
He lets out a frustrated scream. "What do you want from me? Answer me, you asshole! What the hell is wrong with you? Just let me go. Let me die. It's the only thing I have left. Let me go!"
All of his thoughts are rushing out now, but Zero does not notice. He's so fed up, so done with everything that the only thing he registers is the dizzying thrum of blood in his ears.
"All you fucking purebloods are all the same! Do you enjoy destroying other people that much, huh? Twisting other people's lives like it's a goddamn hobby. You bastard. Don't fucking intervene like you're some noble fucking asshole when it's your fault! My life is still mine. I'm not one of your stupid pawns for your convenience. I may not have anything anymore, but at the very least, I get to decide my own death. If nothing else, I have that! You have no right to take that away from me!"
Zero breathes heavily with the effort. He's still angry, furious even, but the rush of anger sends his heartbeat pounding, his blood flowing, hot and steady like lava under his skin. He feels like he's burning and the heat swirls through him and floods his system.
His eyes flick to Kaname's neck. He imagines the blood drumming slowly and steadily through the veins there, warm, vibrant, and rich. Zero tears his eyes away, but the image lingers in his head, and fuck, it's getting hard to think.
He swallows hard and finally realizes just how dry his throat is, how parched, how hungry he is. And his willpower does absolutely nothing to stamp down his bloodthirst, not with Kaname so close to him now.
He hates how even now, his bloodthirst still barrels through to the front of his mind, demanding him to acknowledge its existence.
Zero closes his eyes and tries desperately to ignore the blood that calls to him.
Kaname needs to let him go before he does something he will regret. He wants-no, needs- everything to be over and done with already.
Kaname does not see Zero's rising desperation though. Quite honestly, he does not even register his firm hold on Zero's wrists anymore.
No, he's still reeling back from Zero's sudden outburst. He is at a pure loss.
It jars him that Zero honestly thinks his death is the only thing he has left. He thinks of Zero's eyes burning angrily, expressively, thinks of the clenched fists, the taut lines of barely repressed violence and fury. There is so much emotion in Zero, so much fire, defiance, and recklessness in him, even now.
Kaname cannot fathom how Zero could possibly even consider death.
He does not understand how Zero talks of extinguishing all of that so easily.
But how can he express that to Zero? To make him understand when Zero is completely justified in blaming him?
In fact, is he even in a position to?
He had so carefully constructed his chess game and deemed it acceptable-no, inevitable that Zero would be sacrificed in the end. A useful pawn.
The words echo hauntingly, tauntingly in his head now.
It did not unsettle him then to decide that. He had made countless similar decisions before, and committed worse sins even.
He cannot help it. It's the cold truth of his world: eat or be eaten. It's something ingrained deep inside him, placed there by years of pain and experience.
He knows that his cold social decorum and reputation are only thin veneers for the cruel darkness that resides deep inside in him, conceals the razor sharp grins and dangerous claws that speaks of his true nature.
Seeing Zero so resigned and desperate sends a venomous current of horror and self-recrimination coursing through him. It sickens him.
But more importantly, even if he somehow foresaw this, Kaname does not think he would have changed his decisions or played this any differently from the very beginning.
He does not have the luxury to.
Kaname has made so many sacrifices, endured other people sacrificing for him, that he's bound by them. Obligated by death, pain, and the blood spilt to endure and see that everything will finally come to an end.
Kaname swallows hard. So he's left with something that's not quite guilt and not quite regret, but something darker that unfurls its thorns inside him.
He's left with decisions he wishes he never had to make but cannot afford to take back.
Is he his own worst enemy?
Kaname surprises both of them by saying softly, "I'm sorry."
Zero's eyes widen, so shocked that the crimson disappears back into lilac. He stares uncomprehendingly at Kaname like Kaname suddenly has two heads.
Kaname knows an apology does nothing. It feels extremely halfhearted and still pretentious of him, but it is all he has to give.
Zero does not say anything. He is still now, and he can only stare incredulously at Kaname because out of everything, an apology is not what he expected from Kuran.
He glances at Kaname, and is unable to read his expression because it is one he never saw before on Kaname's face.
Kaname shifts uncomfortably at Zero's silence and wide-eyed stare, but he knows that Zero is listening right now and that it is his last chance to try to change Zero's mind. So Kaname continues on, saying whatever comes to mind and desperately hopes that it is enough because this-what Zero is trying to do to himself- is wrong, and even he, with his ambiguous morals, knows that.
"I know an apology does nothing. That I am the last person you want to hear it from. You can blame me, Zero. I won't deny my part in it."
"I do not hate you, you...you should know that. I know we've had our differences. But it's not…I did not set out to hurt you intentionally. That's not why I did all this. It is still my fault, but I didn't think you would-would..."
Kaname hesitates before he confesses quietly, "Perhaps I am heartless. I did what I thought I had to, but there is far too much death and blood on my hands."
He sighs and continues, "So I know I do not have the right to say this, but please don't…please don't pull the trigger on yourself. You do not deserve that. Do not punish yourself for what I have caused."
Zero blinks. Kaname's russet eyes are dark and solemn, and Zero is transfixed by the rare honesty and sincerity he sees in them. He can see pain shadowing Kaname's face.
He sees everything he does not want to see right now.
He does not know what he is supposed to do with the apology. Not when the words are heartfelt and at the same time, so frustrating to hear.
Zero swallows and he looks away, unable to bear Kaname's expression anymore. He can't force himself to snap at Kaname, not when anger is such a heavy, burdensome thing to keep and Zero's so tired of everything.
He whispers, "Stop looking like that. Saying things like that. W-Why? Why would you say something like that now?"
Kaname only stares at him. Thoughts weave in and out of his head and yet his tongue struggles to catch a single one.
At Kaname's silence, Zero turns to him them, lilac eyes impossibly wide and pleading, silently demanding an explanation.
Kaname breathes in sharply at that expression, those eyes. In his surprise, he unconsciously lets his grip on Zero's wrists go lax.
Zero takes advantage of the moment to free his arms. He lowers his head and brings up his hands to cover his face. He says resignedly, "I don't need to be here."
Zero continues, already sensing Kaname's disagreement, "And don't say that Yuki needs me. She doesn't. I may not like you. But…you'll-you'll always be there for her. Her happiness means everything to you. Even I can see that."
Kaname stills. Those are words that he never thought Zero would ever say. He should be satisfied, perhaps even smug in hearing them. After all, how many times has Zero threatened him, declaring loudly that he could not trust Yuki with Kaname?
But no, all Kaname hears is an expectancy, an obligation in those words that makes him feel even more battle-worn. "Zero…no one's perfect."
Zero glances at him, taken aback by the odd statement. He at first thinks it's directed at him, words of comfort. However, there's a pained and hardened expression in Kaname's eyes that makes Zero think that Kaname isn't talking about him.
Kaname continues, "I…I can't be there for Yuki all the time. I do everything I can to keep her safe, but," He looks away this time and says heavily, "I make mistakes, Zero. I like to think that I have her best interests at heart, but sometimes I think you're the one who knows her best."
Kaname pauses and says quietly, "It pains me to admit it, but I trust you to keep her safe."
Zero blinks in surprise at Kaname's words.
Kaname shakes his head abruptly and frowns. That is not what he wanted to say to Zero. Telling Zero to stay for Yuki and protect her sounds like all he wants to do is to use Zero again. That isn't what he wants to say and it isn't what Zero needs to hear either.
Kaname grabs Zero and Zero stills, eyes widening in surprise. Kaname stares and struggles to express his thoughts into words. He says desperately, "That-it isn't-I'm not trying to say that is your obligation to. I don't want you to think that's the only reason you have for living."
Zero swallows hard and looks down at his hands. They're trembling. "And if I can't find any reasons to?"
"Then…then step away from all of this and find your reasons."
Zero snaps his eyes up and stares at Kaname, completely incredulous. Kaname's eyes still burn with an expression that he still cannot place, but they are serious and solemn.
Zero repeats weakly, "Step away? I…Didn't you just say you need me here?"
Kaname shrugs and looks away. "I won't lie. I do. But not if it comes at this price."
"Not if it – it drives you to the point where you would rather kill yourself." Kaname finishes quietly.
Zero blinks. A choice.
Kaname is giving him the chance to forget everything, abandon his past and start over again. It is a choice that by all rights, he should have had in the first place. A choice that quite honestly should liberate him, but instead weighs down heavily on him and Zero has no idea what to do with it.
His hands tremble and Zero swallows hard again. He feels so lightheaded now, tired from the bloodthirst, this conversation, everything.
Kaname's words twist and whir through his mind incessantly. Zero hates how they make him waver.
Why can't Kaname for once be the bastard that Zero always tells him that he is?
It makes things so much harder and messier than it needs to be. This conversation has gone on for far too long.
So Zero shies away from him. He chokes out. "Stop it. Stop! You don't get it!"
Kaname furrows his eyebrows in alarm, but Zero does not see it and instead continues more to himself than Kaname, "I can't do that. I can't. There's no way I can just forget and move on like that. Not-Not when the person I blame the most is me."
"So what then? You'll choose death instead? How can that be better?" Kaname demands.
"It…it…" Zero widens his eyes and struggles for words before he gives up and whispers, "I don't know. I don't know." Zero stops and lifts his head up, and Kaname stops breathing at those lilac eyes brimming with so much emotion.
They shine wetly, and Kaname notices with a start, that Zero is…is on the brink of tears. The situation keeps spiraling out of his hands.
Zero's voice cracks as he says desperately, "So what if I'm being a coward? W-what does it even matter anymore?"
He takes a deep, shaky breath before he scrambles off Kaname. He's not really sure what he wants to do or where he's heading or reaching for, but Zero thinks desperately that he needs to do something before Kaname might actually change his mind.
His eyes rove quickly around the room, spots the gun, and instinctively moves towards that.
Kaname widens his eyes at the sudden movement. It is pure adrenaline that tenses him and propels him from the ground. He lunges towards Zero and pulls him down in a near tackle that sends them tumbling to the ground once again.
Zero grunts with surprise as the room suddenly tilts sideways.
Reflexively, he blindly thrusts out an arm for balance. It catches on a glass cup on the dresser and that tumbles down as well.
His knee clunks down against the floor, sharp pain lancing through the bone. His right shoulder and elbow and left hand throbs painfully. He blinks and groans.
Kaname, on the other hand, frowns as he lands awkwardly on top of Zero. His right leg and left elbow smarts briefly before the pain quickly fades away.
He slowly moves off and sits on the ground right next to Zero, who gingerly sits up. Kaname closes his eyes, and adrenaline courses through his blood and mixes dangerously with his frayed nerves. He bites back a snarl and fights the urge not to shake Zero right then and there for his reckless, foolish move.
Because damn it, none of his words are getting through to Zero, and Zero is terrifyingly set on his decision.
Zero glances at him, and chokes out. "Why do you keep stopping me?"
"Because it's wrong!" Kaname snaps, russet eyes darkening in growing frustration. "What do you want me to say, Zero? That I'm sorry I actually give a damn about this? Well, I do. For some godforsaken reason, I do. Even though it's absolutely clear to me that you no longer do."
God, this situation is getting out of hand.
Nothing he says has any effect. Kaname does not know what else he can do. He thinks bitterly that this perhaps is his karma; that when he finally wants to do the right thing and doesn't want to add more to the death blackening his hands, it ultimately is not his decision to make.
He growls, restless and so very frustrated, and turns. Before he even realizes what he's doing, Kaname is already grabbing Zero by the shirt and yanking him closer, ready to yell at Zero for what he's doing to himself.
However, Zero does not resist and only stares at him, violet eyes wide with exhaustion and resignation. And pain. So much pain. Tears trickle silently down his cheeks, and Zero is shuddering with them but he does not seem to notice that either.
Kaname swallows hard. Zero is crying, crying.
There is something profoundly wrong about this sight.
Zero is falling to pieces in front of him. Is this his fault? Did he do this?
His fingers loosen on Zero's shirt. He takes a deep, ragged breath before he murmurs weakly, "Zero. Please. Stop this. Please stop doing this to yourself."
Zero does not answer, takes another shuddering breath, tears still sliding down his cheeks and the image tears at Kaname more than he ever expected it would. Kaname cannot stand it. He pleads, "What do you want me to do? Zero?"
Zero shudders again. He wants to say to let him go. To let him just die in peace. But Kaname's expression is too earnest and pleading, raw in a way that that catches him off guard.
Zero finds himself unable to say aloud those words.
He can only tremble. Zero looks away, unable to bear those eyes anymore.
Everything is so messed up.
Zero sniffles and finally registers the wetness on his cheeks. He swipes at them with shaking hands, and the sight of tears on his fingertips confirms that he really is losing it.
Goddamn it.
The tears keep slipping down his face, and Zero cannot stop them any more than he can stop the rain falling outside.
He swallows down the growing sobs, doesn't want to break down any further than he already is, but the sobs stay lodged in his throat, his chest. They choke him, stretching and straining his lungs, demanding to be let out. His chest aches, and feels incredibly heavy, smothered.
It hurts to breathe.
Hurts so much to breath. No, that's not right. He can't breathe. Can't breathe. He can't breathe. Can't breathe. He really can't breathe. It hurts. It hurts, and he still can't freaking breathe.
Why is he so helpless? Is he suffocating in his own tears? Is that even possible?
Can't breathe. He can't breathe. He can't-
A warm pressure on his back drags him momentarily out of his rising panic. He blinks and Kaname is sitting next to him now, hand rubbing slowly and cautiously down his back. Kaname murmurs softly, "You're hyperventilating."
Zero wants to shove him away, doesn't want his pity, doesn't need it. But there is no judgement in Kaname's eyes, and the touch honestly does start calming him down. It grounds him, and Zero unconsciously leans into its comfort.
He shudders again and focuses instead on trying to steady his breathing and enduring the endless tears that course down over his fingers clasped over his eyes than the unexpected gesture from Kaname.
Zero is thankful, at the very least, for the silence. He would not be able to handle words right now, and thinks that Kaname knows that too; that the way Kaname sits next to him instead of in front of him to give him some semblance of privacy is also deliberate.
The considerateness in that gesture also surprises him.
Kaname sighs in relief as Zero's breathing becomes less shallow and more even. He continues to rub Zero's back silently. It's the only thing he can do right now.
So Kaname continues to stay there, staring absentmindedly at the wall and trying to ignore the hitched breaths that make his heart throb uneasily in return.
They both sit like this for a while. Zero is calmer now, with the exception of the occasional lingering hiccups that rack his form. Kaname wonders if he should pull away now, but he does not dare to in fear of shattering the delicate peace that has crept in. He prefers this to the ominous silence and heavy tension of earlier.
Zero sighs. He feels extremely exhausted and frustrated. Crying leaves him emotionally drained. His eyelids are heavy with drowsiness, and his head throbs.
Sleep has never looked more appealing than it does right now. He wants to close his eyes and forget any of this happened, but he knows he can't.
Not with Kaname still sitting there patiently.
God, things felt so much easier when Zero thought he would be the only one affected by this.
Zero bites his lips. He does not even think he can go through with it now. It does not sit right with him now. He feels like he's committing sacrilege if he carries it through.
How is he supposed to turn his back on the desperate pleas, the genuine, rare emotions that Zero has never seen or expected from Kaname?
He feels like he would be betraying something if he did.
Zero is not even sure if he wants to go through with it either, if this truly is something he wants and will not regret.
It seems so half-assed that self-doubt and accusation sneaks into him. He swallows. Maybe Kaname is right. He's being so stupid right now, making such a critical decision like this and not even committing to it.
What would have happened if Kaname hadn't walked in?
The possibility of a different outcome truthfully scares him. It makes him question himself because god, what the hell is he doing? What was he thinking?
"Zero?" Kaname says worriedly when he feels Zero tense up.
Zero registers how the hand on his back abruptly stills, the steadying pressure and warmth bleeding through the thin cotton before he takes in Kaname's question.
Startled, he turns towards Kaname.
Kaname's eyes immediately roves Zero's face in concern because he honestly does not know what to do if Zero cries again. He can see stress and deep contemplation darkening Zero's eyes, but Kaname doesn't know if that should be cause for concern.
At the very least, there are no tears on Zero's face, only a puffy redness under the eyes and a lingering wetness on ruddy cheeks and nose. But, there is a vulnerability to Zero now that hurts to look at.
Zero stiffens a little as slender fingers come up to brush away the tears that are still on his cheeks. Zero holds his breath at how lightly and gently the fingers touch his skin, almost as if they are scared to break something so fragile.
Kaname does not even seem to realize what he is doing, and Zero can only blink at him, eyes gazing at him wonderingly. There is an anxious and weary expression creasing Kaname's face, and it presses Zero to whisper, "I'm sorry."
Kaname stills for a moment before he says in a strained voice, "Why are you apologizing to me? Y-you should not be the one to take the blame. So why are you?"
Zero bites his lips. He is rattled by the words, by how entirely human Kaname looks right now. There is a sharp, piercing pain and guilt lacing Kaname's words, and Zero does not know what to do with that either.
Guilt and blame are spoils of a war no one wins. And Zero thinks that seeing the pain on Kaname's face hurts just as much as feeling his own pain.
Kaname glances warily at Zero and hesitates before he asks quietly, "Do you really want to do this, Zero?"
He feels Zero tense under his fingertips and Zero immediately averts his eyes away.
There is a clear hesitance in Zero's form now, and Kaname narrows his eyes at it. He grabs Zero's arm and pulls, forcing Zero to look at him. Zero needs to answer this. Kaname needs to hear the answer and most importantly, so does Zero.
Kaname repeats again, voice serious and grave. "Do you want to do this, Zero? Look me in the eyes and tell me this is what you want."
Zero swallows. He can't do that and Kaname knows it. He looks away again, but Kaname shakes his arm again, insistent and determined. "Do you? Is this what you want?"
"No," Zero blurts out, and Kaname stills.
Zero widens his eyes as the honesty of those words surprise even him. With that single word, reality immediately crashes down. That's right. No. He doesn't want to. This-this isn't what he wants.
And Zero repeats, startled because it's one thing to think that he doesn't want to do it and another to say it aloud, "…No. I-I don't." He pauses and sees Kaname staring at him with that undecipherable expression and Zero whispers, "I won't."
Kaname holds his breath at that answer, and he gauges Zero carefully. Zero looks extremely fatigued, but the words have a soft sureness to them, an aching honesty.
But Kaname needs to make sure, because he can't, can't leave this room if Zero still has any self-doubts about this. "Are you sure?"
Kaname gazes at Zero, eyes sharp and intense, the irises gleaming more red than mahogany.
Zero is unable to tear his eyes away from those bottomless depths. "Yes."
The words ring out in the air, and they sound surprisingly solemn in their deliverance. Zero feels like he is making a promise rather than giving an affirmative to Kaname.
Kaname looks at him for a long moment before he nods and relaxes.
Zero still can't understand why this bothers Kaname more than he ever thought it would, but he does not comment on it.
There is an awkward silence in the room as neither knows what to do next nor how to approach the new understanding between them.
So instead, Zero looks down at his hands, uncertain, because there's something distinctly different in the air now and for the first time, he wonders where things stand between Kaname and him.
Zero then pauses. He lifts his right hand in surprise. There is a jagged shard of glass embedded deep in the center of his palm. Blood seeps from around the glass and trickles down his skin. His hand dully throbs with pain.
And all of a sudden, Zero can smell the pungent coppery scent of blood that permeates the room. His stomach lurches, and his throat seems drier than ever. Damn. His bloodthirst is coming back.
Kaname narrows his eyes at the wound, a little alarmed that he failed to sense it and admittedly a little relieved at the abrupt change in subject. "How did your hand get injured?"
Zero thinks vaguely that it speaks volumes on how distracted they were if neither of them noticed the smell of blood. He stares at his hand, fascinated by the bright red - god, he's so hungry - and says absentmindedly, "I knocked over a glass cup, I think. When we fell."
Kaname gives a cursory glance at the floor and notices, for the first time, the broken glass fragments that glitter on the floor. He looks up at Zero. Zero's eyes are now a bright crimson, and Kaname predicts that the bloodthirst is starting to take over him now.
Kaname sighs. He shrugs off his jacket and his blazer. With deft fingers, he also undoes the tie and unbuttons the first few buttons or so of his shirt.
"Are the seals in place?" Kaname hopes they still are. Zero doesn't look like he is in any condition to draw and perform any new ones, and they still need the seals to conceal the scent of blood drifting from the room to any nosy outsiders.
It takes for a moment for Zero to register his question, and another for Zero to tear his eyes away from his hand and focus on Kaname. "Yeah. Behind the poster on the door like always."
Zero furrows his eyebrows. "Why?"
Kaname says dryly, "Did you forget what I initially came here for? Surely, you're not losing that much blood already to be lightheaded already."
"Shut up." Zero says automatically, falling easily back into the familiar pattern of antagonistic banter, albeit more lighthearted now. It takes a moment for him to understand what Kaname is implying and then, he looks at Kaname, bewildered. "Wait? What? Now?"
Kaname regards him blankly. "What do you mean now? Aren't you hungry?"
Zero hesitates before he nods and moves cautiously towards Kaname. He bites his lips. He never really noticed it before, but this feels strangely intimate. Zero reaches out and grips Kaname's collar lightly before he realizes the position they're both in now.
The knowledge has him immediately jerking up and nearly falling backwards if not for Kaname's arm that wraps around his waist to hold him steady.
Zero really wants to kick himself. Great. Awesome. Because the arm sure as hell helps.
Why is he thinking so much about this?
Normally, he would be so overwhelmed by the bloodthirst now that Zero can't focus on anything but the blood, even if he wanted to.
Now, he feels extremely conscious of where he is pressing against Kaname. Maybe it's because he's wearing a t-shirt and some shorts or the aftermath of his emotional outburst, but Zero feels extremely vulnerable and bare.
Zero cringes. What the hell is he even thinking? Seriously, what the heck?
"Zero? What's wrong?" Kaname glances down in confusion at Zero who has strangely stopped midway.
Zero mutters, "This feels weird."
Kaname raises an eyebrow. "…Weird how? This isn't your first time that you-"
"Am I always in your lap?" Zero blurts out before his cheeks burn in embarrassment at his words. Goddamn it.
Kaname blinks, dumbfounded. What?
He looks down at Zero and finally takes in their position.
Zero is…straddling him. With Kaname's unbuttoned shirt pulled partly off his shoulder and then with Zero's pink cheeks and further exposed legs when his shorts unintentionally ride up, it makes for a surprisingly suggestive scene.
His arm around Zero immediately loosens.
In the back of his mind, he vaguely questions exactly how and why does the situation keep shifting and evolving like this.
Kaname stares at Zero, eyes uncharacteristically wide and bewildered. He says unsurely and a little uncomfortably, "I-you-I don't know."
Wonderful. What a brilliant display of eloquence. God, Kaname feels so unlike himself right now.
The two stare at each other. It feels painstakingly obvious that there's suddenly something very awkward about this, and they both avert their eyes away from each other.
Kaname clears his throat. "You're making this more… difficult. Just…take my blood."
Zero nods and leans in before that he pauses again. He asks quietly, "Does it hurt when I do?"
Kaname lifts an eyebrow. "You never cared about that before."
Zero bites his lips because it's true. He never cared to before. "I'm asking now."
Kaname looks down at Zero, perplexed. Zero seems genuinely concerned about this. It is odd how lucid Zero is during his bloodthirst right now. He says carefully, "Not any more than it should."
Zero looks up at him and frowns, clearly dissatisfied with that answer. He stares at Kaname's throat dubiously.
Kaname inwardly frowns. Is Zero seriously considering not to bite him?
Curious and exasperated, he reminds Zero, "You should hurry. You're still bleeding. It's rather distracting."
Zero widens his eyes at that. That's right. Kaname may be offering his blood, but he is still a vampire himself. Zero holds out his injured left hand carefully away, and finally leans in.
He closes his eyes and finally lets the demanding bloodthirst take over him. His eyes flash a bright red, and his gums ache before his fangs elongate.
The pale, smooth expanse of skin before him looks utterly inviting. Zero immediately bites, fangs sinking down into the yielding skin. He feels the twitch of muscles under his lips, and then his earlier question flits through his mind and without thinking, Zero immediately licks and sucks the skin there in apology.
Kaname almost startles at the odd tingle that it brings. It feels almost…pleasant. He takes note of the way Zero is more careful and gentle.
At first, Zero's concern is endearing. Amusing even.
…and then it becomes a problem.
Kaname furrows his eyebrows and tries to stay still, but something feels odd. Strange.
His neck flushes with heat, and the warmth only threatens to radiate out through his skin. The area where Zero is biting him feels incredibly sensitive now. There are odd tingles that spark off, races through his bloodstream, and prickle the skin.
They aren't painful, but Kaname is not comfortable with the way the sensation wraps around his nerves and make his muscles tense in something akin to adrenaline.
So it really does not help that Zero keeps lapping at the excess blood dripping down his neck.
He is extremely conscious of the way Zero's tongue presses and swirls against his skin, pulling against it, of the way Zero keeps mouthing lightly at his neck every time Zero swallows.
And if Kaname was not conscious of their position before when Zero mentioned it, he definitely is now. He feels the hand clutching at the fabric on his shoulder, the warm body pressed against him, and the legs that settle on top of his thighs. Feels how in this position, how comfortably and snug Zero's slightly smaller frame fits against him.
Kaname stills.
…What...What on earth is he thinking right now?
These are all details he never or cared to notice before and would rather much prefer not knowing.
Kaname does not know who he is more frustrated with, himself or Zero for making those unnecessary observations earlier.
More importantly, as Kaname frowns, the scent of blood is starting to awaken his own bloodthirst.
His eyes keep flicking to Zero's other hand, to the wound that continues to bleed that bright, bright red, to the fresh blood that continues to ooze out and seep into the skin there.
His fingers twitch with the urge to grab that hand, to pull Zero even closer and turn his head so he can bite the slender neck.
Kaname frowns and immediately suppresses those thoughts, but it gets increasingly hard to ignore his instincts, his hunger, when temptation literally sits in his lap. He can hear, no, feel Zero's heartbeat thrumming, and that in itself is as distracting as the smell of blood.
Zero, on the other hand, does not notice the difference in his drinking or Kaname's growing dilemma.
Instead, he revels in the exquisite taste of Kaname's blood. He sighs at how the blood slides down smoothly down his throat and coats his tongue. It quenches his thirst and at the same time only further ignites it.
God, the blood feels so warm. A sinful concoction of rich dark chocolate and sweet nectar, thick and heady on his tongue.
He can even taste the exhilarating power that runs subtly through the blood, feels it streaking through his arteries. The taste keeps lingering on his tongue and Zero cannot help but take another greedy swallow.
And then another. And another. And another.
It is intoxicating.
Has Kaname's blood always tasted like this? This devastatingly sweet?
God, he just wants to keep drinking. It takes several swallows before his mind frenziedly whispers that he should stop before he drains Kaname and Zero actually finds the willpower to listen to it and pull back.
And then, all of a sudden, an unexpected bolt of pure pleasure arcs through Zero, makes him inhale sharply, and blazes mercilessly through his nerves like electric fire in his blood. All of his nerves burn and tingle.
This…It…It feels great, lovely, wonderful, warm. God. All of those happy words. Pleasant in a way that is almost unbearable.
He feels strangely stated, content and full. The sensation swirls lazily through him, puts him on a high that consumes him alive.
God, he feels so warm. So, so warm.
Zero dazedly pulls back and slumps down on Kaname's shoulder. So warm. It feels so warm, and Zero cannot tell if it's the white hot fire that threatens to spill out from his veins or the warmth that seems to emanate from Kaname himself.
Everything feels, looks so hazy. He can't think. All Zero really wants to do is soak in the feeling of utter bliss, the heat that permeates through him and chases away all of his exhaustion and worries. It leaves him boneless. All of his worries seem so far away, and after today, the warmth feels that much more comforting to his frayed nerves.
Oh man, this is even more addicting than the blood itself.
In this position, Zero can feel Kaname's heartbeat vibrating through his skin, hear his heart pulse and drum over and over again. The sound strangely comforts him, captivates him. Zero breathes in the spicy musk that defines Kaname's own unique scent and thinks dimly that Kaname smells exactly how he tastes.
And then there's a vague feeling of alarm and uneasiness that nudges its way through like he's forgetting something or-or something, but it fades so quickly into the white hot heat and the thought leaves as quickly as it comes.
It can't be that important then.
Besides, everything swirls so nicely in that warm, happy haze. He can't think. Doesn't want to really. Right now, he doesn't give a damn. He can't. He's just so warm right now. So, so warm.
Zero leans against Kaname and closes his eyes, sinking further into the bliss and contentment that drums through him steady and so, so pleasantly.
"Zero," Kaname says in a strained voice. "You need to get up."
But Zero only hears the low, deep timbre of Kaname's voice and not the words themselves. And it sounds strangely nice. Really nice. Like, really, really nice.
"Zero?"
Zero looks up then, dazed and confused, and Kaname takes a sharp breath at how dilated Zero's eyes are. They still shine a bright red, but the dark pupils are blown wide open.
Kaname widens his eyes. Something is wrong here. This has never happened before, and Zero looks so out of it. He frowns at the persisting smell of blood that drifts through the room and almost groans at how his inner beast is growling for him to take it, drink it.
It takes all of his willpower to push away the bloodthirst. Kaname tries again, desperately hoping that Zero can still understand him because god, his self-control is slipping away from him. "Zero, your hand. Your hand. It's still bleeding- it-you need to move. Now."
Zero blinks at him and then slowly brings his hand towards himself. He stares at it blankly though. Red?
Zero flexes his hand curiously and Kaname already sees the glass shard digging even deeper into the flesh, blood trickling out even more.
Zero flinches, reflexively buries his head back into Kaname's shoulder, and then lets out an uncharacteristic whimper.
Kaname immediately stiffens and his eye twitches.
Zero just…bloody whimpered. Kaname has never been so frustrated before. The sound echoes maddeningly in his head and sends a sharp thrill down the back of his neck.
God, what is wrong with him?
And now, Kaname really can't deny it. For some inexplicable reason, he's starting to feel aroused now. That with the bloodthirst makes Kaname feel completely restless.
And dangerous.
Kaname's eyes flick from the bloody hand and then to Zero who is still pressing himself close to Kaname. He swallows hard.
He should push Zero away right now, but Zero is still injured and Zero is not going to tend to the injury anytime soon. It would be completely asinine to let Zero bleed all over the room right after he just gave Zero blood.
Or so Kaname tells himself, but he has a sinking feeling that it is more of his bloodthirst speaking than his rationale.
Kaname exhales. He needs to do something. Anything. While he still can.
Zero should heal already, right? In fact, with his blood that Zero just ingested, Zero's healing capabilities are even more enhanced. It is because the glass shard is still embedded that the skin cannot heal yet, so…
If he pulls out the shard, the wound will heal in a matter of seconds. And then, Kaname's bloodthirst will be temporarily abated, nothing a few blood tablets would not be able to fix.
Out of sight, out of mind. Without the constant smell of fresh blood as well, perhaps Kaname will think more clearly because he absolutely needs to be the rational one here.
All he needs to do is endure the few seconds that the wound requires to heal. Kaname takes a sharp inhale, and his eyes narrow, determined. He is more than capable of that.
Kaname steadies himself and reaches for the composure that he prides himself in.
"I'm going to pull out the glass, alright?" He announces more out of formality than out any genuine expectation of a response from Zero.
Kaname reaches out and holds Zero's wrist firmly with one hand. He holds his breath and carefully eases out the shard with his other hand.
Kaname winces as blood spurts out from the edges of the wound as the foreign object is pulled out.
No. He needs to concentrate. Pull the glass out. Then drop the hand. And back away.
Calm and collected. Kaname needs to be calm and collected.
As he expected, the wound immediately closes in seconds. But Kaname can't tear his eyes away from the bright, vivid red on Zero's hand because even though the skin has already stitched itself back together, the blood is still there.
In fact, the hand is positively drenched with blood now that he pulled out the glass wound.
The sharp tang of copper saturates the air. Kaname tightens his grip in Zero's hand, determined not to succumb to his bloodthirst but at the same time unable to release the limb either.
All that lovely crimson dripping down those slender fingers, still wet and glistening under the light. Practically coaxing him to, no, begging him to have a taste. It's a waste. Such a waste.
It wouldn't be so bad, would it? If he gave in?
No, no. Kaname grimaces. No.
For god's sakes, why on earth did he ever consider this a good idea?
He takes a deep, shaky breath and closes his eyes. It takes every ounce of his resolve to push back against his instincts that hiss and demand him to take what he wants, but he needs to.
So Kaname drops the arm.
However, he does not notice Zero's eyes gazing at him curiously.
Zero thinks, still blissed out, that it really is a waste. Kaname's features tighten and something in Zero instinctively wants to soothe that tension.
He can tell that Kaname's hungry, can almost sense the pain as if it is his own.
Another wave of heat spreads through him, and the warmth makes him feel almost dizzy. It would not be so bad, would it? If he offered some of his blood in return?
Something warm and pleasant runs through Zero again. It makes him ache and crave. Something is missing.
Zero listens to the racing heartbeat and breathes in that odd, unique scent. And wonders what it would be like if they imprinted on him, to have the smell drag against his skin and linger there, to have that heartbeat drumming through his fingertips and through his very skin.
To mark and be marked.
Whatever warnings and objections that his mind raises gets easily lost in the slow rush of warmth and satisfaction through his bloodstream.
He wants. He wants.
So Zero lifts up that hand and splays out his fingers before Kaname in a clear, tempting invitation.
Kaname stills. His mouth runs dry at the sight. "Are you offering?"
His voice is sharp with incredulity, but his eyes are already scarlet, glinting hungrily, predatorily, at the red that still drips down Zero's hand.
Zero gazes at him, eyelids half lowered and crimson eyes burning with an expression as potent as his offer. He brushes a finger wonderingly across Kaname's mouth, and the effect is instantaneous.
Kaname's self-control snaps.
He grabs those reckless fingers and bites lightly at the fingertips. Droplets of blood ooze out of the pricked skin. They fall on his tongue. The taste…is lovely. Wonderful.
There is something enthralling about the taste, and Kaname runs his tongue down the fingers and laps at the blood on the palm to get more of it.
But the more he tastes, the more Kaname is aware of the heat burning through him, of the tendrils of warmth and pleasure shooting through his nerves.
Kaname blinks dazedly. Pheromones. Zero's blood is saturated with them.
At the back of his mind, Kaname knows that this confirms what he already suspects and that he needs to stop. Stop before the two of them do something irreparable and permanent.
But god, Kaname is too far gone. Zero is not even protesting, and the last of his resistance fades as his instincts take over completely along with the surge of pheromones.
This is not enough. He wants more. Needs more.
His eyes flick to that white, vulnerable throat that Zero does not even realize he's baring.
The blood calls to him, beckons him, and when Kaname leans closer, Zero's own scent assaults his senses. Zero smells like vanilla and fresh laundry and sunlight, and even that seems entrancing.
Kaname reaches out and takes a shuddering breath. God, he wants, wants to bite and take.
Kaname is about to do just that when Zero flinches at the touch on his tattoo.
Zero frowns. A vague memory of long white hair and bloody cheery blossoms flits through the lovely, warm glow. It's brief and he still cannot grasp its significance, but Zero shies away automatically in discomfort.
Kaname stills at that, and the increasing warmth inside of him suddenly surges, agitated at the wariness, at the fear creeping over Zero's face.
Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. That does not belong there. He needs to fix it. Console Zero. Chase away whatever it is bothering him.
Kaname instinctively withdraws his hand, and instead runs his thumb lightly over the curve of Zero's cheek.
He feels Zero lean into the touch and continues doing it until Zero's breathing steadies.
Then, he takes his other hand and thumbs the artery on that soft, soft neck.
Zero stiffens a little under his touch, but Kaname automatically begins caressing Zero's cheek again and Zero calms down.
When Kaname sees that Zero's eyes are now once again open and content, a feeling of reassurance and triumph rises in him, and the warmth flares out through him more slowly now, satisfied with his actions.
Now. Now, he can continue.
Kaname leans down and presses his lips lightly against the exposed, bare skin. He sucks gently at the skin, hears a soft murmur from Zero, and does it again to distract Zero from the pain when his fangs finally pierce through.
The warm liquid that rushes in and glides down his throat is heavenly.
There is something so peculiar about the taste.
Kaname can sense the sharp tang of Zero's hunter lineage preventing the darker, richer undertones of vampire from overwhelming it. The blood therefore does not taste bitter but it is not saccharine sweet either.
Instead, the taste is surprisingly light and fragrant, deceptively alluring in a way that it makes him think he could keep drinking and never get his fill.
It reminds of him of roses and violets: floral and delicate in the aftertaste. Zero's blood is far from tainted. There is something undeniably innocent and refreshing about his blood, and together, the contrasting flavors make for an intoxicating elixir.
Kaname takes another long draught before he pulls back.
And then Kaname is speechless with the pure wave of pleasure and satisfaction that crashes over him. Liquid happiness washes over him, bringing upon tide after tide of that wonderful sensation.
There is an overwhelming feeling of completeness and belonging that makes him feel incredibly at ease. The feeling lingers throughout his entire body, wreaks havoc on his overly simulated nerves, and leaves behind flushed skin and numb muscles in its wake. It feels pleasurable to the point of unbearable, and the sensation only continues to swell, threatening to burst out.
He cannot contain it and it drenches through his consciousness.
Kaname can't think, can't breathe.
Rivers of white-gold light flood his head, submerging any coherent thought. Amber honey pools into his bloodstream, slow and thick and so, so warm. His chest feels achingly full.
He drowns in this ocean of warmth and longing and emotion.
Zero hums. Weightless. Zero feels amazingly weightless.
All he feels is this airy light. A brilliant, golden warmth soaks through his skin, his very being, his very essence. Like sunshine on his skin, in his blood. It comforts him.
Warm. Happy. Safe.
Golden rays stream through his nerves, radiating pleasure and contentment until the warmth fills him to the brim and spills over. It seeps into every pore and everything tingles with the sensation. He feels so completed, so deeply sated and god, that feels incredible too.
The warmth swirls inside of him and embraces him, and it feels good, too good. The warmth explodes and strains against him, every nerve on fire, and Zero moans. It is too much. Too much.
He aches for something he cannot describe. It is too much. He feels too much, the lovely warmth and pleasure too fine of a silk that caresses his burning skin. Zero wants something to ground him, something to share this warmth with so he can still wrap himself in it without smothering himself.
He needs something, wants something else.
Zero reaches out blindingly and presses himself even closer against Kaname, likes how solid that warmth is compared to the intangible warmth inside of him. He says desperately, "Kaname."
God, he wants something, needs something to take off the edge. He feels too much.
Kaname blinks slowly and looks at him wonderingly. There is something about the way his name rolls off Zero's tongue and drops down into the golden syrup of his thoughts that makes Kaname want to pull Zero in closer.
He drags his hand up from Zero's neck and marvels at the warmth underneath his fingertips, at the very distinct feeling of skin and substance. It helps drag him away from the endless body of sensations drowning him.
Kaname stops his hand right under Zero's chin and brushes a thumb unthinkingly across soft lips.
Zero does not know what exactly what he wants to do, but Kaname's eyes smolder, dark and vivid.
They remind him of glittering rubies, of flames that burn more dangerously than the ones carving his bloodstream. It is a sharper and bolder shade than the sunset gold that colors his vision right now, so they captivate him and the interest helps manage the overwhelming rush of warmth just a bit more.
He is still too warm though, and his fingertips burn with the urge to give it away.
Neither of them knows who leans in first, but suddenly their mouths are slanted against each other, lips tender and yielding, and tongues pressed together in a hungry kiss that threatens to devour them as much as the warmth does.
Zero closes his eyes and wraps his arms around Kaname's neck, tugs him closer and feels solid arms circling his waist in return. Feels the strong heartbeat beating under his fingertips, the warmth positively burning under his palms, his skin, as he presses himself impossibly closer to Kaname. And even that is not enough, and Zero moans again in frustration.
He rakes his fingers across Kaname's back, frowns at the layers that separate his fingertips from the heat, the heartbeat that he knows is there. He does not like that, and tugs at the already opened collar even more with impatient fingers, tearing apart the seams and carelessly ripping out the buttons.
Kaname growls. The sound vibrates wonderfully under his splayed fingers on Kaname's chest, and Zero only has a second to appreciate how wonderful that feels before Kaname captures his lips in a bruising, hard kiss. He presses back, equally demanding and insistent until he has to gasp for air.
Zero shudders at the feeling of warm hands sliding underneath his tee-shirt, dragging against his skin. Likes the heat spilling from those splayed fingers on his skin, the trail of fire and goosebumps they leave behind that makes him ache in pleasure. The imprints of heat and pressure they leave brand his skin.
He moans again. And Kaname grabs his jaw to pull him in another kiss, fiery and dominant, and oh, oh. So warm. He feels so, so warm, and so does Kaname.
Electric fire in his veins, and scalding warmth on his skin.
He burns on the outside and the inside, caught in a supernova of passion and longing and warmness that makes him want to cry with how exquisitely pleasurable this all feels. It wreaks havoc on him, exacerbates the high he is already on until all Zero knows is the warmth.
Kaname presses open-mouthed kisses along the side of Zero's neck, likes the hitched breathing he hears from Zero as he does so. And when Zero moans again, gazes at him with those wide, wide eyes, those rosy cheeks, those bruised lips, Kaname kisses him so he can hear those sweet sounds again.
He loves how responsive Zero is, how Zero always leans into his touch and breaks apart under his fingers. It is breathtaking. Lovely.
The warmth surges in him again, envelops him in a burning inferno of desire and pleasure, and overwhelms him with how undeniably right this feels.
His. His. His. His mind whispers, and a wave of possessiveness runs hard through him, has him tightening his grip on those slender hips, and his beast hums with approval. His. His mate.
More. More. He needs more. Needs to feel that lovely, exposed, ivory skin. Needs to feel that heat, that warmth. Feels dark, primitive hunger taking over.
Impulse has him tearing the flimsy white tee-shirt that obstructs his vision and movement, and he thrums with the need to get even closer, to press even closer against Zero. His fingers twitch with the urge to flip them and change their positions, but he sees that soft, smooth, delicate skin and the carpet feels too rough, and suddenly the warmth makes his head throb.
No, that's not ok. Unacceptable.
He can't hurt his mate. He can't be so careless.
So Kaname moves to stand up and Zero blinks at him but he automatically wraps his legs around Kaname's waist, and he leans forward for another kiss.
Kaname returns it with equal fervor, warmth rushing through him as he enjoys the trust and earnestness in the kiss, the gesture. He tightens his arms around Zero's waist as he walks them both over to the bed.
Kaname noses the soft, vulnerable junction between Zero's neck and shoulder and breathes in deeply the intoxicating smell of Zero's skin. He hugs Zero even more tightly as a strong feeling of protectiveness and affection washes over him.
He never wants to let go. Zero belongs right there in his arms.
Zero hums. He feels safe. He feels safe in these strong, sure arms, and Zero sighs, relishes the feeling. He leans into Kaname.
The familiar, cool blankets rumple underneath his back as Kaname carefully lowers them both on the bed. Zero sighs again. The contrast feels nice against his feverish skin. The warmth swirls inside him, and pleasure arcs through him once again.
Zero shifts restlessly, feels the cotton threads rubbing against his overly sensitive skin and moans at how his skin tingles with the friction. Not enough. Not nearly enough.
He tugs Kaname down and the sudden movement makes Kaname fall over him. Zero bites his lips and squirms under the weight, inadvertently rubbing up against him, bare skin against bare skin, and ah, oh, that feels wonderful.
Both of them groan at the sensation. The warmth spills over between them, soaks through between their skins. There is only want and heat between them. It feels excruciatingly pleasing until neither of them can barely think with the desire accelerating dizzyingly through their bloodstream.
Neither of them can tell where the other starts or ends. Are they even separate entities anymore?
Everything feels like a wonderful, perpetual golden glow that wraps around them, blazes through them, is them.
There is only the longing, the need to fall deeper into that shared closeness, that warmth.
Hands roam desperately, dragging across quivering muscles, tearing away fabric. Eyelashes flutter, eyes dilate. Plump lips bitten and swollen. Roses blooming on pale, soft cheeks.
Lovely, lovely. Breathtaking.
More. More.
Fingers clutching at blankets. Limbs tangling, fingers interlacing together. Breathe in, breathe out. A sharp inhale. A low, long moan. Wicked fingers stroking, pressing in, and oh, oh.
More. More. More.
Butterflies kissing their skin, butterflies fluttering in their stomachs.
More. More.
Curled toes, arched back. Ah. Ah. Tears slipping down flushed cheeks. Ok, it's ok. It's ok.
Warm. So warm. Together as one.
Swallowed moans and pretty, pretty tempting lips. Heartbeats pulsating under fingertips, drumming war songs in their blood. Together, together.
Right. Feels right. More. More. More.
Thin, golden gossamer threads for nerves snap, snap. So much pleasure it hurts. Muscles tightening, warm, so, so warm, velvet heat, desperate groans. White stardust shooting across the black sky behind shut eyelids.
Mine. Mine. Yours. Yours. Ours. Two halves of one soul.
Gold. The world dazzles gold, and they are everything.
A/N:
(blushes and presses hands to cheeks) I know! I'm sowwy! Too many things happened in this chapter. I put both of them through angst, bloodthirst, and then bam! They're all bonded and dazed and loopy.
...What have I done?!...
Wah, I edited this so many times, but each time I did, I crammed more feelings into this. Like when I wanted the scenes towards the end to be more hmmm, instinctive? Is that even the word I'm looking for? Impulsive? (And no, I didn't forget how to write complete sentences in the last scene. Yup. Those two are supposed to be loopy. I'm gonna go with that excuse instead of explaining how I utterly fail at describing anything remotely sexual.)
But fluff kept creeping in until it looked like early Christmas snow falling down on the story and I had to keep shoveling it off.
...I don't think it worked. (sniffs) But I tried! (shakes head) I think it's because I wrote this chapter and the last one as a continuous event instead of as separate chapters. I honestly debated whether I should somehow split this chapter into two with something in between for a slower time frame, but...that didn't appeal to my procrastination and laziness.
(shrugs) Oh, well. I did warn you guys in the summary that the bond was accidental, foreshadowed a little in the last chapter, and eh, life is very unpredictable. Even more so when it's in this hands of this author.
(Wags finger) Bad plot bunny!
(Irritated, plot bunny paws at author's face) Be a better author then!
Tsk, annoying little brat.
Ahem. (twiddles fingers nervously) Anyways, hopefully this was somewhat ok to read.
Please review/comment/follow/follow/drop a smiley/ do whatever rocks your boat!
Seeing the amount of views, favorites, follows, and all of your lovely, lovely comments gave me a much needed boost after my finals! I cannot. Cannot tell you how happy I was to see that. Thank you guys for being so awesome! X)