A/N: The, ahem, evening after.
Enjoy! ^^
Chapter 3: Slumbering Lovebirds and Awakened Demons
Mmn.
Kaname groans. Morning? Afternoon? Night? What time is it?
Kaname blearily blinks open his eyes, but the room swims in a sea of black and gray shadows. His eyelids feel far too heavy and he drowsily closes them again.
Should he wake up? Does he need to?
Kaname pauses and mentally tries to fish out his schedule, but it sinks back into the slurry of drowsy, fragmented thoughts in his head. It's a lost cause, and he grimaces. He still feels exhausted. Trying to drag himself away from the heavy fog of sleep consumes more energy than he can spare. Already, sleep coaxes him to stop thinking and delve back into its hazy oblivion instead.
Kaname sighs and sinks back into the bed, relaxing once more into the covers. The sense of comfort and warmth is too precious and tempting to let go of.
It will be fine. Another half hour at most, and then he will get up, Kaname thinks hazily. That should be fine, right?
He breathes out slowly. Pressing his cheek to the pillow, Kaname blindly tugs the covers closer to him and then shifts closer to the left.
And nearly falls off.
What?
His eyes snap open in surprise as he immediately catches himself, hands reflexively clutching the covers. What? Why is he so close to the edge?
He does not remember sleeping so close to one side of the bed before. And he does not remember his bed being quite this small either.
His eyes dart around in growing concern. This…this is not his room. And this...this is not his bed.
Kaname's eyes grow increasingly large as he turns to his right and sees a tangled mess of silver hair peeking from under the covers on the pillow next to him.
Silver hair? . . . Zero?
His mind sluggishly points out that yes, it is Zero. And so by default, this is Zero's bed. This is Zero's room.
Kaname stills. What? What?
Adrenaline instantly spikes through his blood. It obliterates any last remnants of sleepiness in him, and flings him straight in the throes of distress.
What? What? He's in Zero's room?
Kaname swallows and finally realizes that his skin feels...barer than normal. Is he…?
A glance below tells him that yes, the bed covers are the only piece of fabric on him. He has a sinking feeling that Zero is most likely in a similar state.
….So that means…oh, no. Oh, no. What?
Kaname runs a hand agitatedly through his hair. Think. Think. What happened yesterday?
He furrows his eyebrows as he frantically racks his mind. One by one, the memories trudge slowly forwards.
He can remember the conversation clearly…then Zero drinking from him, the bloody hand, but…but what happened after that is rather alarmingly ambiguous.
All that comes to mind are brief flashes of pale skin and smothered moans, the oddest sensation of warmth and - and the implications are more than enough. Kaname does not need to know the precise details to come to the obvious conclusion.
They slept together.
They slept together.
The words ricochet through his mind repeatedly. All Kaname can do is stare blankly at the covers with his heart thundering in his ears and dread plummeting in his stomach.
Oh, dear god. What?
He drags a hand across his face. How could he be so stupid? So reckless?
He should have left the room and removed himself as soon as he saw Zero looking so dazed after drinking his blood. But no, instead, he stayed there and completely succumbed to his bloodthirst and instincts. He made himself-no, the both of them- vulnerable to the pheromones. Pheromones that he still can't understand for the life of him why they appeared in the first place.
How is this possible?
This is entirely his fault. Of the two of them, he was the only one who was coherent enough to stop this before the situation reached the point of no return.
Kaname turns and glances over his shoulder at Zero. Zero is still sleeping, his expression peaceful and oblivious.
What…what is he supposed to do right now?
Kaname suppresses a groan. How on earth did things evolve to this point?
Clothes. He needs clothes right now, and perhaps a new psyche because clearly, he no longer has his sanity. Not now. And apparently, not yesterday either.
Kaname warily sits up, careful not to rustle the sheets too much and wake up Zero. He tenses and slides his legs over the side, fully intending to stand up and search for his clothes when a strange sensation suddenly flares up in his left side of the neck.
It feels incredibly odd…like a pinprick of warmth with an invisible tethered rope that pulls at him. Kaname frowns at that abstract description, but he does not know how else to describe it. It does not feel comfortable, and Kaname suddenly feels reluctant to leave the bed. To leave his mate.
Kaname automatically stills. His mind completely sputters, gears grinding to a halt as he finally registers that random thought. His what? What-what did he just think? His mate?
No. No. That can't be right. It can't be. How can it?
What?
Kaname widens his eyes and brushes a finger lightly over the tender skin there. He tenses at the abrupt tingles that spark through underneath his skin. Isn't this where Zero bit him?
Oh, no. Oh, no. No. No, it can't be. It can't be.
Kaname closes his eyes and concentrates on the odd feeling, a frown on his lips and heartbeat quickening with dismay.
Bonded. He is bonded to Zero. To the last person he never thought he would be bonded to.
He presses a palm to his forehead and slumps down.
Where did all of his cautiousness go? Did he just risk everything he's been working towards all these years in one mere night?
Calm down. He should calm down. He needs to approach this rationally and logically. He needs to think of a solution.
Kaname lets out a short, hard exhale. And then rubs his temples in agitation. This time, he cannot stop the irritated groan that slips out.
What solution? What has he done? What have they done?
God, he is so foolish.
Didn't he already suspect that there was something concerning about the odd brief spurts of emotion and awareness that came to him every time Zero drank his blood?
He knows, knows that sharing one's blood is not something to take lightly. He knows of the emotions and reactions it triggers, which is why it is usually reserved for intimate partners or close ones.
He thought that it would not apply to him and Zero, that the risks were acceptable. After all, he and Zero don't share any sort of relationship that could be considered remotely friendly much less intimate.
…Or at least they didn't before this.
Kaname closes his eyes and grimaces.
Wasn't it just supposed to be a simple, systematic exchange of blood?
He tightens his fists and immediately chastises himself.
Why? Why on earth was he so sure of that? There is absolutely nothing to support that assumption. Doesn't he know firsthand of the types of relationships that can be forged from blood, intentional or otherwise?
Blood is powerful, and so are the bonds that arise from it.
How could he ever have forgotten it?
How many times has he given blood to Zero? Whatever connection that had probably formed when he first offered his blood to Zero lingered ever since and continued to grow until it most likely needed only a trigger to develop into…into whatever this is.
Kaname closes his eyes and drags a hand shakily across his face. Is this bond temporary…or….is it permanent?
Suddenly, the number of times he gave Zero his blood looms ominously in his mind.
Kaname swallows. How could he have let this happen?
Kaname winces and tries to recompose himself, but damn it, when has he ever been this careless before?
Zero scrunches up his face in discomfort as his mind slowly- and for no good reason at all-reels back from the nice, pleasant nothingness that is sleep.
Goddamn it. Why is he waking up?
Zero groans, but the jolt of awareness already rouses his consciousness and his eyes automatically open to gaze around sleepily. He thinks vaguely that really, nothing woke him up; it's just his brain being incredibly uncooperative right now. Or stupid.
Probably both, because seriously? What the hell?
Sleep still weighs down heavily over him, dragging a fuzzy blackness over his thoughts and soothing his muscles back into laziness. He can't-doesn't want to- move at all. He feels exhausted and waking up has never looked-felt-this unpleasant and unappealing than it does right now.
Mm. Zero grumbles incoherently under his breath. Yesterday was…what? Friday? Then, it's the weekend. Good. He can sleep in.
He nestles himself deeper in the warm covers. And then sighs in contentment when the blanket wraps him in a satisfyingly comfortable cocoon of heat. More sleep sounds fantastic.
Zero hums and turns himself to the left, determined to go back to sleep, eyelids lowering when something odd catches his eye. He furrows his eyebrows in sudden confusion.
Skin? Is that skin?
He blinks blearily. A kaleidoscope of colors meets his eyes, and he grimaces at the disorientation. Thin bars of pale pink and gold lay across the covers and walls. They tremble against the soft, gray shadows that settle over the room.
Sunset colors.
Zero hazards a guess that it is probably early evening right now, the last rays of the day slanting through the window.
He frowns and focuses ahead on that weird block of color that stands so conspicuously. His eyes trace the shoulder blades, the lines of muscles tensing, and oh, it's a back.
Huh.
Why is he looking at someone's back? He squints sleepily. Is it really someone's back? Doesn't that mean someone is sitting in his bed like that?
Weird. He must be dreaming then.
Zero closes his eyes and then cracks them open again in slight unease.
…He is dreaming, right?
Zero narrows his eyes as wariness finally begins to wade its way through his sleep-muddled mind. It doesn't hurt to check?
He reaches out curiously and pokes the middle of the mysterious back. Zero raises an eyebrow at the distinct feeling of warm skin and flesh that comes into contact with his index finger.
Huh. That…that feels real.
The owner of the back then turns back, and Zero sees familiar russet eyes staring back at him wide in surprise and dread. He finally registers the dark brunette locks as well.
Kaname. This is Kaname. Kaname is sitting in his bed.
What.
His mind is completely stupefied with that revelation, and nothing else registers. Zero thinks distantly that maybe, he should start panicking- because what the absolute fuck?- but this all feels too surreal. It can't be real.
A dream, isn't this a dream?
He blinks uncomprehendingly at Kaname, and then asks numbly, "Why are you not wearing a shirt?"
As soon as the words slip out, an odd expression crosses Kaname's face. Kaname's forehead creases and something akin to both exasperation and panic flashes in his eyes.
Zero blinks again. It…looks like he wants to jump out the window or something, Zero thinks blankly. And if that doesn't signal the end of the world, he honestly doesn't know what would.
. . .
Wait, what?
And just like that, reality finally begins to sink in with all of its jagged edges and tears through the hazy drowsiness. This is not a dream. He is not dreaming.
Zero widens his eyes and stares at Kaname speechless. Oh, god, what? What?
Kaname is in his bed. His bed. As in together and-and what? How? Why?
Crap. Crapcrapcrap. Crap.
His brain scrambles to make head or tail of this, but the entire situation is a chimera that defies all nature. There are so many things that are wrong here; that don't belong here; that shouldn't even be here in the first place for him to even freak out over.
How? How did any of this happen? How did things get like this?
Curses stream repeatedly through his head like some demented litany, and the only thing Zero knows is that he has a very creative and expansive vocabulary of colorful language that surprises even him.
In short, nothing. He gets nothing about this.
The only thing Zero is certain of is that he is very much awake and that he really, really does not want to be.
Zero exhales and runs a hand shakily through his hair.
Ok. Shit. Alright, well, clearly, he needs to be more vigilant because how the hell does it take him this long to notice that there is someone else in the bed?
Zero pauses and looks blankly down at himself. Cold dread coils up in his stomach, heavy and uneasy.
Oh, god. This…isn't-can't be what it looks like, right? Because he can very much feel the cotton threads rubbing against his skin now, in places where they definitely should not if say, for example, he was wearing clothes. And from what Zero can see, Kaname isn't either.
Oh, shit. Shit.
He says weakly, "Tell me I'm dreaming."
Kaname only looks at him resignedly before he sighs and drops his forehead down into his hands.
Needless to say, it does nothing - absolutely nothing - to calm Zero down.
Zero closes his eyes and feels the onset of panic and adrenaline streaking frenziedly through his veins. It mixes nauseatingly with the cold inkiness of the anxiety that sits in his stomach.
This makes no sense. No sense whatsoever.
All that comes to him is another onslaught of curse words and incoherent thoughts that confirms the dark premonition that he definitely messed up yesterday.
Damn it. What happened yesterday?
Zero runs a hand agitatedly through his hair and frowns. He remembers the conversation, remembers the things they said… then…and then he hurt his hand. Kaname offered his blood. He drank.
Zero furrows his eyebrows. The blood tasted different, didn't it? Kaname's blood is always rich -Kaname is a pureblood after all-but yesterday, it tasted exceptionally so.
And then, Zero remembers feeling really warm and-and just really content afterwards.
…which is strange because that is not his usual state after feeding; It's usually the opposite. That does not matter though because nothing he remembers right now explains anything.
He frowns. What else? What else is he leaving out? That can't be it.
Zero closes his eyes and tries his best to drag back the elusive memories that he knows are there, but the images dissolve as soon as he touches them, like words sitting infuriatingly on the tip of his tongue refusing to be spoken.
Zero frowns. Concentrate. He needs to remember. Concentrate.
His expression creases when his mind rummages through and an image finally surfaces. It's so vague and indistinct that it takes everything he has to hold onto the will-o'-wisp of the memory before it bobs away from his reach again.
His eyebrows furrow even more as he tries his best to focus. He remembers faintly reaching out to Kaname… Reaching out with his hand still bloody like-like he wanted Kaname to take it and…and-
Zero swallows and his eyes snap open. Did-did Kaname-?
He hesitates before running a finger across his tattoo. The touch immediately triggers a trail of goosebumps and Zero winces at the way his overly sensitive skin tingles and aches unbearably.
Kaname bit him. Zero swallows again, heart beating erratically at the thought. Kaname bit him, but…he does not think - he remembers faintly feeling so warm, satisfied, and – and - .
Did...did he want Kaname to bite him?
At that, Zero immediately freezes. What? What… the hell was wrong with him yesterday?
As if in answer, snapshots of bare skin and heated gazes suddenly flit through his mind. Zero can feel his cheeks burning, and he instantly shies away from the images and the implications that they bring.
Shit. Oh, shit.
He fumbles to shut down that particular memory lane with another roadblock of profanity.
Oh, god.
It literally takes everything he has not to completely lose it as the reality of last night finally plunges through.
How? How did any of that happen?
Zero bites his lip and unconsciously curls up his legs. He feels incredibly exposed now. The feeling chafes him before his cheeks flush again as his mind reminds him of the reason for his state of undress.
Crap. Crapcrap. Crap.
He has the childish urge to close his eyes, drown in the covers, and indulge in extreme self-denial. Because god no, this cannot be happening. It can't be.
What the hell is he supposed to do right now? Or say?
He has a minefield of thoughts he really doesn't want to investigate or trigger. Zero does not even dare to breathe or move because god, he can feel Kaname's presence hovering right at his right, making him all too well aware of the situation right now. He hates how hypervigilant he feels right now. The sudden awareness is like an itch he cannot scratch or get rid of, and has Zero desperately wishing for an escape route.
Why? Why did this happen?
"Zero?" Kaname asks warily after realizing that Zero is quiet for far too long. He turns back awkwardly, adjusting the covers as he does so when Kaname remembers that he still has not gotten up to get dressed yet.
He swallows, tries not to think about that, and instead looks toward Zero questioningly.
Startled, Zero jolts and snaps his head back towards Kaname. He tries not to let his panic show so visibly, but his skin itches under Kaname's stare and Zero feels even more exposed than he already is. Looking at Kaname is the glaring confirmation that shit, this is actually happening.
Zero swallows. He immediately looks away, and his fingers grip the covers even more tightly as he desperately prays that his cheeks don't look as red as they feel.
Goddamn it.
Kaname takes in the brief snatch of lilac eyes widening at him and cheeks reddening in embarrassment before Zero ducks his head and stares fixatedly down at his hands instead. And just like that, an image of last night drifts up with those cheeks flushed with color again for a very different reason.
Kaname widens his eyes and quickly suppresses that thought. It absolutely is not at all what he needs right now, and then it is his turn to look away. What is wrong with him?
He takes a deep breath and silently steels himself. Things will go nowhere if this continues. They need to at least be able to look at each other if he wants to discuss the bond anytime this century.
God, this is not the conversation he thought he would ever have with Zero.
Kaname sighs before he ventures reluctantly, "Zero, we…we should talk-"
"We should get dressed," Zero says abruptly. And then immediately regrets the words when Kaname blinks at his sudden statement.
Zero swallows. He really, really wants clothes right now. Immediately. And, yeah, maybe he also just wants to avoid the conversation right now.
Or maybe forever because he seriously cannot understand what's going on right now.
He needs the excuse, needs to stall for time. Because while Kaname looks like he has finally gathered his thoughts, Zero is still very much in the process of freaking out. All of his thoughts might as well be scattered breadcrumbs in the middle of a goddamn windstorm.
Kaname stares blankly at him, and Zero feels heat crawling up his neck and his cheeks again. Damn it, he already hates this conversation, and it has barely even started.
Clothes, he needs clothes. And a case of convenient amnesia.
"…Alright," Kaname says, not really knowing what else he should say to that. Zero is practically squirming in discomfort right now, and he does not know to react to that either.
Zero nods and then looks up at him hesitatingly, an unspoken question in his eyes.
Kaname pauses. He senses that it is something painfully obvious; that if Kaname was his usual discerning self, he would have recognized the hint for what it is already. But, all he registers is Zero blushing again and his mind once again unhelpfully supplies him with vague-and unasked for- memories of last night that leave him both disconcerted and completely irritated at himself.
…There has to be something wrong with him. There has to be.
He suppresses another long sigh. Kaname is completely fed up with his own thought process, and finally gives in and asks, "Zero?"
Zero mentally groans because really? Out of all the times Kaname chooses to not be perceptive, it's now?
He bites his lips and looks away. "Can you…?" Zero pauses. God, does he really have to say this aloud? Zero takes in a deep breath and manages to strangle out, "Can you - do you mind…turning away?"
Kaname immediately stills and his eyes are wide with realization before he stiffly nods and turns his head to face the other way. Zero cringes because damn it, somehow he made things even more awkward. Is that possible? How is that even possible?
God, at this rate, he's going to die from sheer embarrassment.
Zero quickly slides out of bed, and then in his rush, nearly trips over the pair of paints lying on the floor.
And stupidity. He's going to die from embarrassment and stupidity.
Goddamn it.
No sense, it makes no sense. Nothing makes sense. Shit.
Zero grimaces in growing panic as he quickly walks over to the closet and determinedly tries not to look at himself or back at Kaname. He cringes at the very tangible feeling of self-consciousness creeping over him, making him feel even more exposed than ever. It pressures him to fling open the closet and grab the first goddamned shirt he sees.
He digs haphazardly through the drawers for a pair of boxers and then grabs a pair of sweatpants dangling from the clothes rack. Slips them quickly on and of course, almost tears the waistband in the process.
Great, just great.
Zero peeks over his shoulder, and sees Kaname still turning politely away. Kaname's posture is far too tensed to be at ease though, and it tells Zero that Kaname is very much uncomfortable with the entire situation.
Yeah, well, that makes two of them.
He surveys the floor quickly and sees various articles of clothing scattered over the floor. Ripped articles of clothing with buttons littering all over as an unfortunate bonus.
Oh, fuck. Seriously? How far gone were they that-Zero immediately stops himself because damn it, he does not need to pursue that train of thought.
The only thing that looks intact is Kaname's blazer and jacket and Zero suspects that it's only because Kaname took those off beforehand.
He hesitates before Zero rampages through his closet again to find a set of clothes for Kaname to wear as well. He ends up grabbing a pair of dark slacks, a random collared shirt, and boxers. Zero has no idea whether or not they fit Kaname, but he doesn't think Kaname would feel comfortable in sweats and a tee-shirt either, so what the hell? They're clean and most importantly, they're clothes.
He walks back towards the bed and clears his throat. Zero hears a sigh before Kaname turns to look cautiously at him and lifts an eyebrow.
"Here." Zero more or less shoves the clothes at Kaname.
Kaname blinks at the sudden barrage of fabric and glances down at the pile in confusion. Clothes?
"You," Kaname looks up again at Zero, and Zero immediately fidgets under the eye contact. "can change into these. Your clothes are, uh, ripped."
At the last word, Zero flushes again before he turns around in a clear sign to give Kaname privacy.
Kaname pauses and stares at Zero in both exasperation and even amusement despite the situation because really, what exactly does Zero keep thinking of?
. . . Most likely the same things that has Kaname reconsidering his own mentality right now.
He sighs before he stands up and shrugs on the shirt and the rest of the clothes, fingers automatically buttoning up the shirt without much thought. The clothes are a little tighter and shorter than he is accustomed to, but the difference is not severe enough to be uncomfortable.
All in all, Kaname is just grateful that he has clothes.
He glances at Zero again. Zero still has his back turned determinedly towards him. Kaname can practically feel the embarrassment radiating off Zero. If anything, Zero's own discomfort only adds to his own.
Sure enough, when Kaname clears his throat, there is a long, hesitant pause before Zero finally turns around to face him. However, Zero neither looks at him nor steps closer either. Instead, he shifts uneasily at the foot of the bed. His arms are crossed in front of him, and his cheeks are still pink with color.
Zero looks remarkably lost in his own room.
It brings Kaname's own discomfort to mind, and he frowns again. He has no idea what to say now, not with the awkwardness that stretches between them and clings on all his words and thoughts like invisible cobwebs.
Kaname glances at Zero and settles for saying instead, "Thank you for the clothes."
The words come out stiffer than he would have liked, but it prods Zero into looking his direction. Zero blinks before nodding numbly. Shifting again on his feet, he mumbles hurriedly, "It's fine."
Zero lifts his head then, and Kaname sees the clear hesitance on Zero's face before Zero breaks the eye contact and looks away again.
Zero has no idea what to say after that, and neither does Kaname, so the room falls once more in awkward silence.
Kaname sighs in frustration, and his fingers come up to rub at his temples tiredly.
At the uncharacteristic sound, Zero automatically looks back at him.
"This is ridiculous." Kaname pauses before gazing straight at him, russet eyes sharp and resolute. "We should be able to hold a conversation with each other."
With that, Kaname moves and sits down on the bed. Zero blinks at the sudden assertiveness, and then his mouth runs dry when Kaname does not explain, but instead raises an eyebrow in clear expectation and challenge.
Sit? Zero's eyes flick to the bed, then to Kaname, widening involuntarily in discomfort and unease. Does…does he have to? He glances back again and Kaname is still looking at him, expectant and patient.
Damn it.
Zero swallows before he sits down resignedly on the bed. A conversation, it's just a conversation, Zero reminds himself. He needs to stop overthinking this because frankly, it's getting pathetic how melodramatic he's being. He does not need to make things more difficult than they already are.
Kaname, on the other hand, notes the careful distance between them. It is painstakingly obvious that Zero looks no more at ease sitting down than standing up.
Kaname sighs before remarking, "Zero, you are-"
"Making this more awkward?" Zero interrupts, voice dry and frustrated. He grimaces. "I know. I know, ok? But-But-" Zero stops and visibly struggles for words that fail to come.
"We slept together." Zero suddenly blurts out before he clamps his mouth shut, eyes widening in self- chastisement and horror. It's too late though, and the words are already echoing in the room, the truth in them too abrasive and glaring for Zero to handle.
He immediately looks away again and goes back to cursing in his head as an alternative to throwing himself out the window.
Forget thinking. He needs to stop talking. Seriously, what the hell is wrong with him today?
Out of the corner of his eye, Zero can see Kaname flinch a little at the statement, and he mentally groans again at himself.
"Do you…" Zero looks up at Kaname, who has a strange expression now. Kaname hesitates before continuing, "What do you remember?"
Zero blinks at the odd question, because if anything, that seems like a terrible invitation for Zero to drag up more unnecessary and retarded things. Things he does not want to think about much less talk about.
So instead, he dodges the question entirely and instead gazes at Kaname, lilac eyes wide and pleading and asks weakly, "Do we really have to go over that?"
The expression nearly wrenches sympathy from Kaname before he reminds himself that this conversation is necessary.
Even if it is obvious that the two of them would much rather be doing anything else than continue it.
He sighs again before replying firmly, "We do."
Zero frowns unhappily. Kaname does not look he would budge on this. With clear reluctance, Zero grumbles, "Fine. I don't remember everything exactly. Everything after I drank from you is…foggy, I guess."
Zero's response confirms what Kaname already expected. The pheromones were certainly potent to make the two of them so far gone, and Kaname wonders if that is normal. His eyes narrow in sudden contemplation.
Are pheromones a usual part of bonding? Is it a side effect?
He should look into that. Research it himself to keep it discreet as well or else -
"But I remember enough." Kaname starts and looks up at Zero again. Zero continues uncomfortably, "Enough to know that we had-that we, you know." He pauses, hand lifting up to rub the back of his neck and gaze sliding to the bed, "And that it was my fault."
"Your fault?" Kaname repeats, eyebrows slanting down in puzzlement. "What do you mean by that?"
To his surprise, Zero stares at him disbelievingly before answering flatly, "My hand was bleeding."
Kaname waits for Zero to elaborate, but Zero stays quiet, apparently deeming his short answer sufficient enough to explain everything.
Needless to say, it does not.
Kaname shakes his head before prompting Zero, "And what of it? You did not intentionally hurt your hand."
Kaname thinks quite frankly, that his response merits neither the sheer amount of incredulity in Zero's expression right now nor the vexed glare. Shouldn't he be the one exasperated right now?
He's the one having to decipher all of these vague statements on top of having to maintain this conversation.
"Zero, you're not making any sense. I don't understand how you think it's your fault."
It kind of irks Zero how tiredly Kaname says that, as if Zero went out of his way to make things more difficult for the both of them. But he really does not want to explain either because what he remembers is as embarrassing as it would be to say out loud. Instead he replies, as equally vague as before, "I didn't pull away."
This time though, Kaname finally understands why Zero thinks it's his fault. He gives Zero another assessing look before saying simply, "And I didn't push you away. I am as equally at fault as you are, or more, actually."
Zero merely blinks back at him. Of course, Kaname didn't push him away. Him bleeding all over the place was the same as dangling meat before an animal. And offering that bleeding hand was practically an invitation to - to -
Zero immediately reddens. God, what was wrong with him yesterday? For him to do that…
"Zero," Kaname continues, eyes regarding him speculatively. "Do you know what pheromones are?"
"Pheromones?" Zero repeats with furrowed eyebrows. "What does that have to do with anything?"
"Did my blood taste different?"
Different? Zero blinks again before his eyes widen with sudden realization. Oh. Huh. That's…not at all what he expected. Pheromones?
Finally latching on a plausible explanation, his mind speeds through the very little memories he has of last night again. Can pheromones explain what happened last night?
Zero asks distractedly as his mind racks through the flashes of colors and rambling thoughts for an explanation, "Is that even possible? How?"
Kaname surveys Zero carefully, a little surprised at how well Zero seems to be taking this, before continuing, "They affected you first, so I assume that is because you drank from me. How else can you explain our behavior?"
Zero pauses and then, something nags at his mind. Because while the presence of pheromones does explain a great deal about their actions last night - thank fuck, it does because Zero was seriously beginning to question his own sanity - but…is that all that happened yesterday?
He thinks uneasily that there are still…some things… that pheromones cannot explain.
But then again, considering he keeps skipping biology class, what the hell does he know about pheromones anyway? And vampire ones too at that. Zero did not even know that existed.
Zero glances at Kaname only to see him staring back at him in return, mahogany eyes shrewdly observing his reaction. It does nothing to quell the inexplicable feeling of apprehension swelling in him.
He asks hesitantly, "Why were they even there in the first place? This…this doesn't usually happen, right?"
Kaname pauses at that. He can tell that Zero is starting to suspect that there is something else to the story but Zero is still so woefully ignorant of the ways of vampire nature. Should Kaname tell him now? About the possible blood bond?
Kaname frowns slightly. It aggravates him that he still cannot grasp the full extent of this bond. Is this bond temporary? Permanent? How strong is it?
Kaname's eyes flick to Zero warily, who shifts again under the heavy gaze. This time though, Zero furrows his eyebrows in confusion at Kaname's silence before sudden awareness dawns in his eyes. "There's something you're not telling me, isn't there?"
His eyes narrow in growing suspicion. "What is it?"
Kaname sighs. "Zero…you…you know very little about vampires."
The seemingly pretentious words automatically irritate Zero, but his usual, sharp retort dies on his tongue when he sees Kaname looking genuinely stressed. It is a rare expression on Kaname, and seeing it intensifies Zero's own growing alarm.
What's going on? They… they slept together last night, and as horribly terrible as that is, isn't that all that happened yesterday?
His mind drifts back to when he first woke up and saw Kaname sitting on the side of the bed, the tension in his back, his facial expression, and wonders if Kaname was perturbed by something entirely different than what Zero was panicking about.
But…what is it? And how could it possibly be worse than what has already happened?
Zero pauses and looks cautiously at Kaname. He asks slowly, "What do you mean by that?"
Kaname pauses for a moment before coming to a decision. Quietly, he asks, "Did you know that sharing blood is not something to take lightly?"
Zero blinks, not comprehending the solemnness of Kaname's tone.
Kaname sighs again and elaborates, "To us vampires, blood is something sacred. It is as much as part of you as your identity. It carries your thoughts, your feelings, your spirit, your consciousness. Everything. It carries everything that defines you."
He pauses and a weary expression darkens his eyes. "That is why blood is powerful and dangerous."
Kaname directs a meaningful gaze at Zero, and continues steadily, "Giving one's blood is something reserved for one's intimate partner, the person they cherish. Offering one's blood is the same as giving away a part of yourself. Drinking another's blood and then sharing your own in return is regarded as the ultimate act of trust and…intimacy."
Zero widens his eyes as his mind processes those words over and over again. Sacred? Cherish? An act of trust and intimacy?
He swallows hard as Kaname's message finally registers in his mind. Appalled, he stares at Kaname uncomprehendingly, "But…But you…I've taken blood from you several times. More than once…If this is supposed to be something so significant, why…why would you let me?"
Kaname immediately stiffens and then looks away. There is a beat of silence before he says quietly, "Because Yuki did not want to lose you. I had no other choice."
Even as Kaname says those words, doubt and self-chastisement filters through his thoughts because is that true? That he had no other choice?
Isn't the one he's trying to convince right now himself?
He knew the risks, the serious consequences of offering his blood, and yet… somehow against the landscape of stratagems and cold logic, it seemed like a necessary decision.
But now?
Now, it seems like an unnecessarily extreme decision, and familiar frustration sears through him because why does he keep making decisions like these? How could he have made such a severe blunder?
Zero, on the other hand, is rendered speechless.
Because of Yuki?
He…Kaname…he really loves Yuki that much that he would take such a risk?
Zero is not stupid. He can tell from Kaname's explanation, that this is a critical issue. That Kaname offering his blood so freely has so many more dangerous implications than Zero can grasp.
Shit, this really is not something to take lightly.
But…but even if this is all for Yuki, how could Kaname be so incredibly reckless?
If…if Zero had known, he would have…have…
Zero frowns. He wants to say that he would have been more adamant in his refusal, that he definitely would have stopped this. But his mind whispers mockingly that if he couldn't have pushed Kaname away that first time, fight his bloodthirst every time it comes up, then why would knowing change anything?
He glances at Kaname. Something plummets in his stomach when he still sees the strained lines of tension and stress standing prominent in Kaname's form. There is still something Kaname has not said yet, and by now, Zero is frankly terrified to know what else he is in the dark about.
He wavers, but decides what the hell? The entire situation is beyond messed up, and he might as well finish the jump off the deep end.
So Zero takes a shaky breath and says in a strained voice, hoping against all lost odds that things cannot be any worse, "That's…that's not all, is it?"
Kaname blinks, startled from his own disarray of thoughts, and hesitates before saying slowly, "Zero…yesterday, I drank from you."
Zero stills. The words ring out solemn and heavy in the air with all the weight of a gavel crashing down, but he cannot comprehend the sentence that they deliver. "What…what does that mean?"
Kaname swallows. "We're bonded."
"…Bonded?" Zero can only stare blankly at Kaname. What the hell does that mean?
Kaname sighs again, and Zero wonders if he should feel guilty for that or something because never before has he heard Kaname sigh this much in one sitting. "As in mates."
"Mates?" Zero repeats, and something must have shown in his expression because an incredibly pained look crosses Kaname's face.
"Zero." Zero blinks at the sheer exasperation contained in that one word as Kaname rubs his forehead tiredly. "Must I explain this too? Surely, even you must know what this implies."
Zero frowns slightly at that before his eyes narrow in contemplation.
Wait, mates? Didn't sensei go over that once before? Something about vampire and their mates and how important that is?
…If he can remember correctly, to vampires, mates are who they choose to spend their lifetime together…which considering just how long the lifespans of vampires are, isn't a mate the same thing as a partner for all eternity?
And then, Kaname's words from earlier echo in Zero's mind. Sharing and giving one's blood is the ultimate act of trust and intimacy.
Zero reflexively covers his face with his hand in growing disbelief and dismay. This… is starting to sound less and less like a one night stand and more and more like they eloped or something.
Zero cringes. That's a terrible analogy. Oh, god.
Another memory nudges through, and then, Zero freezes. Bonds. Vampire bonds. Mates.
How could he forget?
A bond also means an unbreakable, intimately close connection that links two individuals. Losing a mate is an irreparable loss, a pain that no vampire can endure. Most are driven to the point of insanity because of it…
Zero swallows, cold dread knotting his stomach. Like Shizuka.
No.
What? How-how can that be? How could he be bonded to Kaname?
His voice cracks, and Zero falters because how the hell could this have happened? "H-how is this even possible?"
Kaname's gaze slides sharply to Zero. There is a pain in Zero's eyes, veiled by the disbelief that makes his eyes narrow ever so slightly in turn. He knows instinctively that Zero must be remembering his past right now, that this must be a sensitive topic for Zero.
The reminder also leaves Kaname all too well aware of the possible consequences of the bond.
He speaks up, eyes surveying Zero warily, "I gave you my blood on multiple occasions, Zero. It wouldn't be out of the question if a…connection of sorts formed. And when I drank from you, it must have completed the bond."
"But…" Zero bites his lips, "But…don't you have to have, you know, a relationship and feelings or something like that?" He looks up at Kaname, hesitant, and ventures, "Does taking someone else's blood automatically lead to a bond like that?"
Kaname has to pause because in all honesty, that has been bothering him as well. Zero notes with some alarm that Kaname seems to be as confused about the situation as he is.
Kaname explains slowly, "There are different bonds that can form during blood exchanges. For a blood bond to form…I always assumed that there had to be mutual feelings involved, that the two people involved had to be both willing to open up to each other and accept each other."
He sighs before admitting wryly, "It's why I thought there wouldn't be any repercussion with giving blood to you. We do not exactly get along with each other, after all." Kaname's forehead creases with sudden realization, "But then again, we were affected by the pheromones. Perhaps they…"
His voice trails off as Kaname thinks about that possibility. It wouldn't be a stretch, would it? That the pheromones induced he and Zero to such a state that perhaps, on some subconscious level, they were able to relate to each other? Shared an understanding?
Kaname looks deep in thought, no doubt analyzing the possible effects of the pheromones. The only thing running though Zero's mind, on the other hand, is the nature of the bond.
Something else, something else, had to cause the pheromones to appear in the first place so that the bond could form. His mind goes through yesterday's events again. This time, the conclusion that he arrives at has him shifting in agitation again.
He swallows and asks hesitantly, "Do you think the trigger was…because of yesterday? Because of how messed up I was?"
Startled, Kaname looks at Zero. Yesterday?
His mind flashes back to the conversation from yesterday again, the way he felt, the things that the both of them let slipped out, the pain he saw on Zero's face and his own when he realized how utterly careless he had been with his decisions.
Just like this one, his mind sharply points out.
Kaname inwardly frowns at himself. What is done is done, and he knows better than anyone that the past cannot be changed.
He observes Zero carefully. It is true that yesterday's conversation left the both of them emotionally exhausted and affected, so that might have been part of the reason for the bond. But, there is a an echo of yesterday's vulnerability shadowing Zero's eyes now that Kaname does not like, so he says firmly, "I don't know. But regardless, it would have happened either way."
Zero does not say anything, and Kaname can just tell that Zero has already stubbornly accepted whatever conclusion he arrived at. He frowns and reiterates, "Zero, I gave you my blood several times. Looking back on it now, a bond was most likely inevitable."
"Is it permanent?"
Kaname blinks at Zero's sudden question. Perplexed, he starts uncertainly, "I don't…know." At Zero's wide-eyed stare, he continues cautiously, "Blood bonds usually are."
As soon as the words slip out, Kaname knows instinctively that it is the wrong thing to say. Disillusionment and desperation shutters over Zero's eyes, and Kaname is suddenly reminded by how those same eyes looked at him yesterday, so pained and vulnerable.
Deja-vu slinks through Kaname unnervingly. It leaves him tensing in preparation, eyes tracking Zero carefully.
Zero presses clenched fingers against his lips, and his next words come out muffled and tired. "You shouldn't have come yesterday."
Kaname can hear him perfectly clear though. The words tumble into the darkness and are more than enough to shoulder the conversation onto a treacherous path. Disbelief runs through him, an electric blue that leaves his veins cold because no, Zero cannot possibly be thinking of this again.
With eyes narrowed, he says sharply, "What are you saying, Zero?"
Zero tenses at Kaname's tone, but continues, "I'm saying you should have left me alone."
Alone? The implications of that one sentence have Kaname reeling back in alarm before frustration takes over. Distantly, he can feel the side of his neck throbbing lightly in unease, but Kaname is too incensed to give it much thought.
He growls, russet eyes deepening in a redder shade of brown. "To do what? To kill yourself? How would that solve anything?"
Zero flinches at Kaname's rare anger, but he narrows his eyes. Kaname doesn't get it. Can't he see how messed up they are now? What the bond really means for the both of them?
He retorts, "It would have meant that we wouldn't have been bonded together!"
Kaname's eyes widen in further disbelief. Can Zero hear himself?
He counters darkly, "Yes, it might have. But it would also mean that you would no longer be here! Do you have any idea what you're saying right now?"
Zero tenses and looks down in answer. The anger in Kaname's voice catches him off guard. It distracts him enough that the retort on his tongue slips back and lodges in his throat. Because Kaname keeps doing this. Keeps surprising him like this.
Kaname isn't the person Zero thought he was, and that- it's so frustrating. How is he supposed to react now with Kaname looking at him like Zero already went and jumped off the rooftop?
It reminds him of yesterday, of the expressions and words Zero never thought he would hear or see from Kaname.
"Zero." Zero blinks and looks up, startled to see that Kaname is no longer sitting to his left, but is standing right in front with him. In reflex, Zero immediately rises to his feet, the covers rustling under him. Kaname frowns and reflexively grabs Zero, jerks him back forward before he can move away.
Zero's eyes dart from the hand clasped on his wrist to Kaname's face in alarm. "W-what are you doing? Let go."
Kaname ignores him though, and repeats again, "Do you understand what you're trying to say?"
Zero visibly shifts again, gaze landing anywhere but at Kaname. Kaname's jaw clenches at Zero's aversion. Frustration rakes its claws across all of Kaname's thoughts, tears through his usual composure like wet tissue.
God, what is Zero even thinking right now?
Everything about this vexes him, the sudden turn of conversation, how eerily similar this is to yesterday. All of it.
He does not want a repeat of yesterday. He doesn't. Kaname cannot handle another conversation like that again.
The mere thought that things could teeter back into that dangerous realm sends Kaname's blood pulsing through his veins, his muscles tightening, fingers twitching and restless.
It irritates Kaname how carelessly Zero can utter these words, and how easily they dig underneath Kaname's skin, embedding there like rough splinters.
Aggravated, Kaname tightens his grip on that surprisingly delicate wrist and bites out, "Did you forget what you said yesterday? You said you wouldn't think about this again. You wouldn't do it again. So you…"
Kaname looks searchingly at Zero, and his voice comes out with a desperateness, a weariness that surprises even him, "Why are you still talking like you want to die?"
Zero opens his mouth to speak, but then closes it again in silence.
He doesn't like it.
The way those dark eyes pin him down, all-encompassing and simmering with something disquieting, something that resembles a lot like hurt and betrayal. But that can't be right.
Can it?
Even the heavy disapproval in Kaname's words is laced with something different from the usual coldness, the lazy condescension. It feels sharper and abrasive somehow.
Zero doesn't understand it.
The feeling swells through him, and god, Zero hates how much Kaname's reaction bothers him. He didn't think Kaname would still regard yesterday's events so seriously.
Most of all, Zero hates the sudden guilt that coils through him for returning that same pained, frustrated expression from yesterday on Kaname.
But it's not like he meant to do that, to scare Kaname. It's just that doesn't Kaname realize it yet? Realize what the bond means for him?
Zero furrows his eyebrows and tries to shake off Kaname's wrist, but it doesn't budge. He looks back at Kaname, and says helplessly, "Stop it. Stop looking like that. I- I didn't mean it like that."
"Then, what did you mean?" Kaname shakes the wrist, fingers tightening even more, and Zero winces at the sharp pain lancing through his arm. Kaname does not relent though, and merely fixes Zero with another withering, grim look. "What do you mean, Zero? Do you know what this sounds like to me? You cannot fling around words just for the sake of it."
Kaname tightens his grip. Zero widens his eyes, less at the increasing pain and more at Kaname's growing ire that surprises the both of them.
"Not on this. Especially not on this. This isn't something trivial. Your life isn't something trivial. You cannot give me your word, and then change your opinion the next day. I'm not treating this as a game, so don't you dare do it either."
Zero's heart races, and Kaname's words drum through at the same dizzying pace. He stares at Kaname, lilac eyes widening in shock. The concern belying Kaname's harsh words surprises Zero and incites him to argue defensively, "I'm not!"
Kaname pauses, but he looks completely unconvinced.
Zero swallows. The reality of the situation, all of the emotions from yesterday, everything crashes over him again, and god, they have barely scratched at the surface of the glacier of this issue, and Kaname still hasn't gotten it.
"It's not that I'm going to do-do anything stupid. Not now.…It's just..."
Zero pauses and struggles for words before he gives Kaname a frazzled look. He takes a deep breath before his eyes steel in sudden resolve, and he looks squarely at Kaname with his voice rising. "This bond should never have happened! You don't get it. Anything would have been better if it meant this bond wouldn't have formed!"
Kaname breaks in sharply, "Even if that meant you might have pulled the trigger yesterday?"
"Yes!" Before Kaname could argue, Zero continues, his other free hand coming up to shove at Kaname's chest.
"Don't…Don't look at me like that! I'm the one who should be angry. You're so reckless! Why the hell would you take such a risk like this? Give me your stupid blood when you knew it might lead to a bond? Do you have any idea how I feel right now?"
All of his thoughts are a torrent of images and words that roars as loudly in his head as the heartbeat that threatens to escape from under his skin, and fuck, Zero can't handle them anymore. He enunciates his next words with another shove, "I'm bonded to you! A pureblood! You know how I feel about you and your kind! How I lost my family!"
"Zero…" Kaname blinks, taken aback by Zero's sudden outburst, and before he can say anything or even think anything, Zero is already shoving him again and glowering at him.
"But that's not even it! That's not - you - I know what I said yesterday. I said I won't, and I won't. I wasn't lying. I'm not. But even if I was, it's not like I could now… Not - not when we're bonded like this. But that doesn't even matter anymore because – because -"
Zero barely takes a breath before he yells again, lilac eyes flashing with barely restrained emotion. "You're such an idiot!"
He hits Kaname once more for good measure. It has the same effect as a goddamned dust bunny, but Zero doesn't care. The words are tumbling down from his mouth faster than his mind can catch their significance.
"If this is permanent - if this is permanent...fuck, do you even know what that means? You're bonded to me. A level E, an ex-human. You know what my life expectancy is. Why didn't you think about that before giving me your blood!? If I go, wouldn't you be affected too? How am I supposed to deal with that? How could you do that to yourself? If anything, you're the one with a death wish!"
The words rebound against the walls, and they vibrate in the air long after Zero has said them. Zero breathes heavily. His head swims, but he can't tell if that's because of the blood rushing through his head or the thoughts volleying through his mind.
Zero inwardly cringes. He said too much. He instinctively takes a step back, but the skin of his wrist drags and his legs knock back into the side of the bed and damn it, Kaname is still holding his wrist. But, Kaname's face looks so blank that Zero wonders if he even realizes it.
He swallows and looks away. He definitely said too much. Zero tugs at Kaname's hand that's still gripping his wrist and murmurs, "Let go."
Kaname does not hear him though. Zero's words run listlessly through his head, and he cannot seem to register any of them.
How could you do that to yourself?
It...There's something odd about that statement, that wording, the outraged glare that Zero gave him when saying it. It replays in his mind over and over again, a snag in his thoughts that Kaname cannot smooth over or unfurl.
Because Zero didn't say: How could you do that to me? Instead, he said: How could you do that to yourself?
The mere change in the last words in the two questions is an astronomical difference in meaning. And Kaname honestly doesn't know how he should respond to that, if he is even supposed to notice that particular detail, or if Zero understands the significance himself.
Zero is ….angry for reasons that Kaname never expected him to have.
When Kaname does not answer or respond, Zero frowns and lifts his head up to glare at him only to furrow his eyebrows at Kaname' expression. He looks strangely contemplative, eyes studying Zero as if Zero had done something unexplainable and odd.
Zero shifts uncomfortably at the sudden scrutiny and instead tugs again, "You're still holding my wrist. Let go already."
Kaname's eyes travel down to his hand and Zero's wrist, and Zero gets the feeling that he really did forget that he was holding it. At Zero's pointed look, Kaname promptly lets go.
Zero draws the arm back towards himself, fingers rubbing idly at his wrist. Kaname's silence is starting to make him feel antsy. Did…did he do something weird? He…did just sort of blew up at Kaname, but...
Zero glances at Kaname again, and is about to ask before Kaname speaks up, voice careful and expression measured. "I…do realize that being bonded to you might have that risk. I…just didn't expect you would feel so strongly about it."
Zero furrows his eyebrows before he gets what Kaname is trying to say.
To Kaname's surprise, Zero glares at Kaname before retorting in disbelief, "Of course, I do. It's not like I would feel happy knowing that I dragged you down to hell with me like that. If I die, and we're still bonded, there's a good chance that you will too. How the hell am I supposed to feel about that?"
Kaname gives him another undecipherable look and stays silent. Zero frowns again because Kaname's reaction seems off, and something that has been nagging him this whole time finally surfaces again. More subdued, he asks, "You're…pretty calm, Kaname. You-why aren't you more…shouldn't you be the one who should be freaking out over this?"
Kaname pauses- He wasn't expecting that question- before shrugging slightly. He answers vaguely, "I'm a pureblood, Zero. Time can be as much of a curse as it is a blessing."
Zero frowns again. What the heck does that mean? That it doesn't matter? That Zero shouldn't worry about it then? Or that Kaname just doesn't care?
Somehow that last thought seems like the most concerning answer of them all.
It isn't like Zero is expecting Kaname to have a mental breakdown or a fit, but he expects something.
Something more like an actual answer and less like some pearls of wisdom printed on an inspirational calendar.
It unsettles Zero. Kaname knows what he's really trying to ask. He wants to know how Kaname feels about this, the possibility that because they're bonded, Kaname's lifespan will be cut shorter than it should. And yet...
There is an aged weariness in those words that far outstrips Kaname's appearance. Kaname sounds older than he should, and the blithe tone does not quite match the heaviness in Kaname's eyes either.
Zero bites his lips. He's probably overthinking thing, isn't he? He's noticing all these odd details that he normally does not care enough to pick up on too. Kaname is not obligated to answer him. It's not like they are friends in the first place.
Although, Zero isn't even sure what they are at this point.
But Kaname's answer rings oddly in his ears, and it bugs him. It does not sound right. It should have been a straightforward answer. A longwinded complicated explanation even. Something with Kaname's usual cool-toned rationale.
Zero looks away, mumbling softly, "If I have to remember what you said yesterday, then so do you. Hypocrites annoy me."
Kaname lifts an eyebrow. He catches the implicit meaning. It surprises him to hear it, more so when he catches the slight narrowing of eyes, a troubled twist of the mouth that exposes Zero's concern over Kaname's answer. He didn't think Zero would think much of his response much less have this reaction. Kaname's eyes rove across Zero once more, and his features unconsciously soften when he sees Zero fidgeting again.
"How could I forget?" He pauses before continuing more seriously, "You shouldn't worry about this, Zero."
When Zero opens his mouth to object, Kaname emphasizes, "You shouldn't because you're only stressing yourself out unnecessarily. No one knows what will happen in the future, Zero. And if it happens… then so be it."
He adds more lightly, "Besides, I would like to think that my blood has been doing more than merely abating your bloodthirst. You haven't fallen yet, have you?"
"Well…no. But it doesn't mean that you shouldn't worry about this. Especially you. In fact, it's because we don't know what the hell will happen in the future that you should be more-" Zero stops mid-sentence when Kaname looks at him with the strangest expression, a cross between utter fascination and surprise.
"…What's wrong?" Zero asks slowly, confusion scrawled over his face. Did he say something weird?
Kaname thinks that Zero is rather more softhearted than he leads people on to think. Zero keeps bringing the conversation back to Kaname and his supposedly blasé attitude over the bond. And, although Zero does not seem to realize it, it reveals a lot more about Zero than it does about the possible risks of the bond.
Which of course, are all things that Kaname wisely keeps to himself. Instead, he only shrugs, "Nothing. What do you mean?"
"What do I mean?" Zero repeats, bewildered. "You're the one who – you-" He splutters before stopping, and settles for looking at Kaname warily.
When Kaname does not explain, Zero furrows his eyebrows and turns away once more, muttering under his breath about how Kaname is an idiot, and are purebloods supposed be this carefree with their lives on the line like this, and how screw it, he's not going to bother with this shit anymore.
Kaname's lips twitch upwards in amusement. When Zero finally stops complaining and throwing in a few choice words, he gives Kaname another suspicious look before scowling and saying sourly, "And? What do we do now?"
"I suppose the only thing we can do is just to wait and see how things go….and I suppose adjusting ourselves accordingly."
Zero pauses before he ventures, "Does…what does that mean? Like…accept the bond?"
Kaname takes a moment to think and then nods. "If it comes to that."
"Kaname-"
Kaname sighs, and interrupts, "What do you want me to say, Zero? I have no idea how strong this bond this is. The best case scenario is that the bond will not change things too severely. The worst case scenario is that…well, you understand. Whatever is the case, it is best that we keep this quiet for the time being."
Zero frowns, "Yeah, well that's a given. But you can't honestly be ok with accepting the bond. I'm sure as hell not."
Kaname gives Zero an exceedingly dry look. "I'm not exactly thrilled either, but our opinions on the matter does not change the fact that we're bonded, and if we're forced to accept the bond, then what choice do we have?"
Zero frowns again at that answer, but Kaname is infuriatingly right as usual and he can't argue with that logic. He closes his eyes and sits back down on the bed.
God, nothing makes any sense anymore. Are they just supposed to go about their usual business and hope that nothing changes? What does a bond even make them do?
He opens his eyes again when he hears footsteps and fabric rustling. He turns towards the dresser where Kaname is leaning down to pick up the jacket and the blazer. Kaname holds them up and peers at them dubiously before he sighs and begins to shrug them on.
"Are you leaving?"
Kaname looks up, fingers still buttoning up the blazer even as he answers, "Yes. I should be back soon before the others are worried." He pauses and glances questioningly towards Zero. "Or did you still want to discuss?"
Zero cringes. "No. Go ahead."
Kaname nods and continues on to button his jacket. Zero sighs and looks blankly at the wall again before a thought strikes him. He asks curiously, "Can you feel the bond?"
Kaname lifts an eyebrow both at the question and its abruptness. "…a little. Do you not?"
Zero turns back to stare at him and says helplessly, "No? I don't know?"
Kaname blinks. "What do you mean you don't know?"
Zero stares at him exasperatedly. "How am I supposed to know? I'm still not sure what a bond is supposed to do."
Kaname sighs before his forehead creases with concern. What if Zero really doesn't feel the bond?
Would that be better? Make the bond easier to ignore? But then wouldn't that make it a rather one sided bond then? He doesn't know which would be the better alternative.
Kaname frowns and walks back over to Zero. "You truly don't feel anything?"
Zero shrugs his shoulders. "No?" He stops. "Well, I mean besides, my neck, nothing else feels weird."
Kaname's eyes flick to Zero's neck. "Your neck?"
"It's sensitive." Zero starts hesitantly, "Because you bit me, right?"
Kaname glances again at Zero's neck, expression contemplative. He seems to deliberate for another moment before he steps closer until he's right in front of Zero. Zero stiffens at the close proximity before he blinks confusedly.
"Kaname? What are you doing?"
Kaname looks thoughtful again, and then he stretches out a hand and reaches out towards Zero's neck. He carefully brushes a thumb over the region, where the tattoo stretches out, black ink on ivory. There does not seem to be any bruising or broken blood vessels on the neck. Tender, perhaps. The skin feels warm to the touch, smooth and soft. Vulnerable.
Under his fingertips, he can feel Zero's heartbeat beating steadily and strongly, blood thrumming through the blue veins he can see peeking through the milky skin. His ears uncannily focus on the sound, until he hear the heartbeat as surely as he can feel it.
It inexplicably draws his attention, coaxing and nostalgic in a way that makes Kaname involuntarily lean in closer. Without thinking, Kaname thumbs the area again. He notices that he can smell that odd unique scent again, remembers it from somewhere.
The images of last night dance through his mind once again.
It's Zero scent. Sunlight and vanilla. Distractedly, he murmurs aloud without noticing, "You smell different."
And it's true. There's still something Kaname can't quite place, a subtle scent that intermingles with the others. It's familiar. It smells…a lot like his own cologne. It most likely rubbed off from yesterday.
The thought… isn't as alien or disorienting as it should.
Instead, the observation brings him a strange sense of satisfaction. He does not know if it's because of the bond, but he registers the sensation all the same. Kaname turns the thought over and over again in his head, bewildered by it.
Zero suddenly inhales sharply. Kaname blinks and instantly stills his hand, palm cupping the side of Zero's neck. "Zero?"
Did he hurt him? Was he too rough?
Kaname looks down in concern both at the sound and at the sudden realization that they're standing too close to each other. Before he can withdraw, Zero's fingers come up and rests lightly on the hand on his neck. They hold his fingers so loosely though, and Kaname does not know if Zero wants to push him away or not.
"Zero?"
Zero does not hear him though. All he registers is the sudden way his neck tingles and throbs. The moment Kaname touches his neck, a weird jolt of awareness runs through him, like a droplet of water falling down and rippling the surface.
It's…strange.
He doesn't know how to explain it. It's like a switch clicked on, and all of his senses instinctively zero in towards Kaname. Like how Kaname is leaning in, stroking his skin gently, the thumb pressing ever so slightly, and the resulting goosebumps and tingles that those fingers leave in their wake.
Zero is acutely aware of every movement. His neck, especially that tattoo, are all parts of him that he does not want, does not like, other people touching and yet…he feels no deep-set unease or alarm running through him when Kaname goes and does just that.
At this distance, Kaname's presence feels inexplicably solid and tangible, like a familiar weight in his hand. There's something reassuring and comforting about it. Something deep and instinctual tugs at Zero, reassures him that this is fine. It's alright, safe, ok.
And the heartbeat he can faintly feel thrumming through Kaname's fingertips draws Zero in. He unconsciously leans in. Zero wonders why he finds it so captivating, why he wants to chase after the sense of ease that it sends through him.
Also, his neck feels incredibly sensitive, more than before even. He can feel his skin starting to heat up. It feels like all of his nerves have been suddenly relocated there, and all of them bunch up and tense, sending sharp tingles throughout his entire neck region.
His heartbeat quickens. Then, when Kaname only stops but doesn't pull away, Zero can then feel the heat from those fingers seeping into his skin, heat intermingling with electricity streaking through his blood.
The sensation that it leaves behind is unbearable. His neck feels so, so sensitive. Zero can almost feel the individual ridges, the soft pads of Kaname's fingertips resting so carelessly on his skin.
He bites back a moan. And as soon as Zero realizes what he has almost let slipped out, his eyes widen in realization before Zero tightens his fingers and pushes Kaname's hand away.
Kaname jerks back in surprise, but refrains from saying anything when he sees Zero flushing suddenly, lilac eyes open and panicked.
Zero swallows. He says haltingly, voice barely above a whisper, "I don't think…you should do that again."
Kaname widens his eyes briefly at that before he nods wordlessly. It is clear that he does not need to ask if Zero can feel the bond anymore.
He flexes his fingers idly at his side until they remind him of Zero's reaction and his own peculiar thoughts. Kaname stops and looks toward Zero, unsure what he should do now. "Zero…are you alright?"
A visibly discomforted expression crosses Zero's features before he shifts and says quickly, "Yes. I'm fine.…Don't you, uh, have to leave?"
Kaname looks like he wants to say something, but after a moment, he relaxes and thankfully understands Zero's plea for him to go. Kaname simply nods, and heads to leave out the door, though not without throwing another hesitant, silent look over his shoulder and making Zero completely aware of the sudden awkwardness in the room.
When the door finally closes with a click and dull thud, and Zero can hear Kaname's footsteps getting increasingly fainter, he finally slumps down in relief. He looks down unseeingly at his hands.
What-what just happened? Is that what the bond is supposed to do?
He can still feel that imprint of heat lingering on his skin, the lingering memory of soft pressure and warm flesh against his neck.
Zero immediately bolts up, cheeks burning once again at the odd, completely unwanted turn of thoughts.
No, no. What is he even thinking?
Fiasco. This whole thing is a fiasco. And he still understands nothing.
"Ah, waking up is dreadfully unpleasant." He deliberately stretches, reveling in the satisfying sound of bones cracking into place and muscles, still tender and new, straining in protest. He flexes his fingers and hums, pleased at the familiar feel of flesh and skin again.
His flesh and skin. There is nothing like the feeling of finally returning to his original form, his true body.
Out of the corner of his eye, he sees a figure standing before him, silent and watchful. It does not surprise him; he had detected the presence as soon as the man had stepped in and started the ritual.
What does intrigue him is the man's peculiar aura. It feels human and reeks of anti-vampirism.
In one smooth gesture, he sits up and turns around, one leg drawn into his lap and the other tapping idly against the stone altar in the perfect image of nonchalance. His lips curve into a wicked smile. "What a surprise. For what purpose have you woken me up for, hunter?"
He tilts his head back, and remarks lazily, "Or has resurrecting purebloods become a new pastime for the Hunter Association? Are you running out of targets?"
As he talks, his eyes rove around his surrounding, expression flattening in further disinterest. Dark shadows writhe across the cracked walls, casting the entire room in blades of gray and black. There is a coolness, an earthiness that dampens the air. The typical thing one would expect from a mausoleum.
He glances back at the hunter and frowns slightly at the man's silence. "Answer me, hunter. How did you know I was here? How did you enter here for that matter?"
The man in question has a dark hood raised up, shading his eyes and shadowing a plain white mask that already conceals his face. In a brusque tone, the man only provides, "I have my ways."
It is all very cloak and dagger, literally even, when he notes the dark cloak that blurs the man's figure and the bloody engraved dagger in the man's gloved hand. Quite frankly, he is more annoyed with the triviality of it than wary. Still…How unexpected. He never thought a hunter would be the one to resurrect him.
The man continues, voice curt and clear. "You are Rido Kuran, correct?"
The question comes off more as an order. That coupled with the straight, stern posture gives the man a distinctly militaristic impression.
Rido smirks slightly, eyes gleaming in amusement. "I would hope you know who I am, or do you go around resurrecting purebloods at random?" His voice then drops ever so slightly, tone shifting, as he gives the man another curious look and demands more seriously, "Who are you?"
"That is none of your concern." The man then turns, clearly intent on exiting the room.
"Leaving already?" Rido lifts an eyebrow and is about to move forward when all of his limbs suddenly swing back in the opposite direction. He immediately tenses. There are invisible strings holding him in place, and he can sense an energy simmering in the air in front of him now. A barrier of some sort.
Tsk. How annoying.
The floor is already covered with countless circular glyphs scrawled in blood. The dark red seeps into the stone floor, blooming outwards from he is sitting like a crimson flower. He assumes that they are from the ritual used to wake him up, but now, there are two seals glowing in purple on the very platform that he is sitting on.
Anti-vampire seals.
This one seems to have quite considerable power. Not a lackey then. Perhaps, one of the higher ups.
He could break through this if he was at full strength. Unfortunately, the man had given only enough blood to resurrect his body and nothing more. A rather calculative move.
Interesting. And presumptuous.
He narrows his eyes. All of his previous amusement disappears in favor for a dangerous lilt in his voice, "What is this? Surely, you did not resurrect me only to seal me in here."
The man stops, but does not turn around. "Of course not. That would be a waste of both of our time. The seal will disappear soon. A half-hour at most."
"Oh?" Rido's smirk returns, and he remarks casually, "How gracious of you. Perhaps, I should return the favor." His smile sharpens. "But it seems like you want nothing from me."
The man pauses before he continues walking out, and his answer echoes through the room. "… Do what you always do. That is more than enough."
Rido is admittedly surprised by that answer, but the footsteps already echo far away from the entrance.
He looks contemplatively in that direction before he chuckles, the sound reverberating through the room, dark and mocking.
Do what he always does?
Oh, he understands. An invitation for him to inflict chaos, is it? His eyes flash in anticipation, and Rido laughs again, amused.
What a foolish human.
He can already see through the man's ploy, knows the strings that the man wants to pull.
But he is not anyone's puppet.
Whether or not that man thinks that his role in resurrecting him will act as a countermeasure against Rido himself does not matter.
Rido is havoc incarnate, and havoc spares no one.
The man will inevitably regret his decision to let Rido roam so freely. After all, the chess game he has been playing for all these years spans everything and everyone. The prospect of a new player only makes things more interesting.
Besides, he already has an idea of the man's true identity.
His smile widens into a razor sharp smirk, and his fingers twitch restlessly as he waits for the seal to wear off. He already has plans set into motion, but now that he has his own body back…
The possibilities are endless.
From here on, things can only be entertaining, and he cannot wait.
A/N: It's belated, I know, but happy holidays! Happy New Year! I hope you guys were able to relax, hang out with friends and family, and celebrate the holidays. :D
Would you believe me if I said that I did plan to finish this chapter over winter break? I told myself, to post at least one chapter by the end of each week that I was off, which...should have been three, and yet you guys are getting only one by what? The end of January?
Yup. That's why I don't do New Year's resolutions.
i procrastinate before I even have resolutions to procrastinate on.
This chapter was surprisingly so hard to write for! I didn't expect this chapter would be so long either. I kid you not, I kept deleting multiple paragraphs and adding new ones. I'm not 100% satisfied with this chapter, to be honest, but I needed to stop myself from writing it anymore because it would have gone on forever.
It was harder to write for Kaname than it was for Zero. But~ they're both adorably awkward in this, and yes, I am strangely very proud of that. X)
Hopefully, the profanity in this chapter did not bother any of you that much. I don't know why, lol, but it just comes out when I'm writing for Zero. I suppose that's because of my own personal habits and manner of speech.
It was odd...and surprisingly fun to write for Rido...which makes me think that he is probably OC and borderline crack.
(Shrugs) Oh, well. I tried.
As always, please review/follow/favorite/drop a smiley down in the comment/dowhatevermakesyourday!
I hope you guys had fun reading this. I am really, really happy to know that you guys liked the last chapter! Cannot tell you how relieved I was to hear that, so thank you for all of your kind and awesome comments!
P.S. to that one person who asked, this won't be an m-preg story. Sorry if you wanted one!