"What are you talking about Harry?" Teddy asked slowly.
"Well Ted, adulthood is boring." Harry smiled at the mingled looks of surprise an incredulity on their faces. Oh, the young.
"Now, don't get me wrong, boring is vastly preferable to the life I had before—constantly fending off attempted murder and whatnot—but still: boring. And Ginny won't let me get a griffin, so I'm forced to go elsewhere for entertainment."
The kids blinked at him.
"Besides," there was a wistfulness in his voice when he said, "Getting up to a bit of mischief, getting caught out after hours, making a mess of things with your friends; that's what Hogwarts is supposed to be like. I'd hate to think of my kids never getting to know this place the way I did."
"So give the map to me and Albus," James put in, "your kids."
Dominique threw a ball of parchment paper at James' head. Fred scoffed. Rose mumbled, "traitor."
"It's not that easy James. You and Albus aren't the only people with a claim to the map. For one thing, Ted's father Remus was one of the makers."
Teddy, who had been paying close attention to Harry, glanced down, trying to hide his face as he felt the sympathetic stares.
Harry moved on quickly, "not to mention it was your Uncle George…and Fred…who found the map and gave it to me. Maybe George's kids should have it."
Fred and Roxanne perked up.
"Besides that," Harry continued, "All of you have gotten up to a fair amount of mischief on your own." A few of the cousins exchanged half guilty half satisfied smirks with one another. "I have no doubt that each and every person sitting in this room could do some considerable damage with this map in their hands." Several of them smirked.
Harry coughed, "I mean, not damage. Do not do any damage."
Nine identically evil grins greeted him. Somehow, they all seemed to have inherited some sort of Weasley-twin-plotting-face. Even Teddy.
"Obviously, as an adult and a parent I don't sanction any of you breaking any school rules. Or doing anything out of bounds."
"Except you totally do," James smirked.
"Well. I didn't say so." Harry was careful to make this distinction, just in case this conversation was some day repeated word for word to Ginny or Hermione.
"But you do."
"My point is," Harry continued, "Everyone here deserves a shot at the map. It wasn't meant to sit in a drawer. We may not all technically be Weasley's or Marauder's but we are all the Magical Mischief-Makers the Marauder's were thinking about when they made this map and…" he looked around at them, listening to him intently, and finished "…and we are all family."
It was a touching moment. Harry thought all of the kids looked particularly touched. In fact, he thought he was probably their favorite uncle after this. Not that that was why he'd come up with it, of course.
"Er, Uncle Harry?"
The touching moment was broken by Fred.
"Uh," his nephew started, "that's really cool and all, but…you're down a couple of Weasleys."
Harry, who had been hoping no one would notice this, mumbled, "right. About that…"
"Lucy's in charms right now, where I'm supposed to be. I could go run and grab her," Victoire offered brightly.
"Well that's not…"
"Does anyone know what Molly has this period?" Roxanne asked.
"Hm, Runes I think?"
"Ugh. Can we tell her later?" Dominique griped. "That's at the top of north tower."
"I actually think it would be better…"
"Frankly, I can't be arsed."
"She is your cousin, James Potter!" Victoire scolded.
"I don't see you volunteering!"
Sensing things were rapidly getting beyond his control, Harry spoke over both of them. "Now just hang. on. one. minute!"
They stared.
Now that he'd gotten all of their attention, Harry found himself somewhat less eager to speak.
"Well…I just. I mean obviously it isn't…special treatment…all involved, just…you know, a certain disapproval…wouldn't want to get into trouble with…I mean he's just so strict…."
No one said anything. They looked at each other.
Teddy started to laugh.
"What?" Albus reached over and poked his shoulder as Teddy exchanged a knowing look with Victoire. Understanding passed over her face.
"Oh!" Rose cried as she figured it out. She giggled into her hand.
"What is it?" Albus asked her, "I don't get it!"
"Don't worry Uncle Harry," Victoire said after she'd stopped laughing, "we won't tell Uncle Percy on you."
Harry grimaced at her as they all exchanged amused looks.
"Lucy wouldn't either," Fred said.
"Yeah," Teddy agreed, "but…maybe we should leave Molly out of this one."
"Not that we don't trust her—"
"I don't trust her." Victoire cut Dominique off.
"She is your cousin Victoire Weasley!" James mocked, in a high-pitched imitation of Victoire's voice. She narrowed her eyes.
"Molly's the one who told Aunt Ginny where your Cornish pixies were."
"Let's not tell Molly."
"…You were keeping Cornish pixies?" Harry raised an eyebrow.
"Victoire was helping!"
"Isn't this all in the past?" She smiled her most charming smile. Teddy sat up a little straighter in his chair. Harry suspected her diluted Veela powers were getting a workout.
"So that's where the dust came from," Teddy muttered, sort of dreamily. Harry looked at him. Victoire elbowed him. Teddy quickly shut his mouth.
"Uncle Harry, you're a busy man aren't you?" She laughed, a little nervously, "You don't want to be wasting your time with these sort of childish antics…"
"Yeah, don't get me wrong, it's fun to watch Victoire squirm," Fred said. She made a rude hand gesture at him. He grinned, continuing, "but I'd rather hear about how I'm going to win the map."
"Right. Good man, Fred. Down to business. What I'm proposing is…sort of a tournament. For those of you who want to participate, and you certainly don't have to, but for anyone who wants to win I'll be setting challenges for you. Now, completing the challenges won't be enough…we're going to go on a points system with points awarded for ingenuity, imagination, daring, cleverness, and humor. Remember, this is supposed to be fun. I want to see you using all your considerable abilities to complete these challenges. Those with the lowest points will be eliminated, until only the winner is left. You'll all have a chance…"
"You have got to be kidding me." James burst out suddenly, "I have been asking, begging, using every persuasion I learned from you, mom, Uncle Ron, Aunt Hermione and Aunt Fleur combined…This map is my birthright! It's in my blood!"
Harry was quite surprised at this outburst in his son, but couldn't help but note the irony. "Right. I fought a whole war to eliminate that kind of thinking about blood and birthright." He paused, remembering Binns, "Maybe if you did your History of Magic homework, you would know that."
"Maybe I would know more History of Magic if you'd let me stay in the kitchen after Uncle George has more than two glasses of firewhiskey"
"What type of persuasion did my mum teach you?" Louis interrupted.
James blanched.
"I—What?…Listen, that's not what's at issue here so…"
"Was it the hair flip?" Victoire grinned at him from across the room "She taught me that one when I turned thirteen too." James glared.
"Look can we just…"
"Was it the soft consonants thing?" Dominique spoke over him, an evil glint in her eye "I mean we do that because we speak French, but I suppose it does add a certain purrrrr to your voice…"
"I think we should get back on topic…" James said, a little desperately.
"Makeup tips?" Louis joined in eagerly, looking rather proud of himself.
"Did she teach you how to shimmy your hips?" Dominique asked, catching Victoire's eye.
Victoire slipped off the desk and headed towards James with a vicious glee glinting in her eye, saying, "Because let me tell you, you've got to be careful with that one, you can dislocate something if you're not doing it right…"
She was on the point of demonstrating when James appealed to his father, "Dad you want to help me out here"
Harry looked at his son being pulled halfway out of his seat by his merciless cousin.
"I don't know." Harry told him. You might have to persuade me."
At the look of pure loathing this response garnered Harry said, "Alright, alright, James is right." Out of the corner of his eye he saw Dominique stop, halfway risen out of her chair. "Back to the topic at hand."
"Yeah, I was right." James said, looking pleased with himself and throwing a glance to Victoire.
"Oooh, was that your coy look?" she added waspishly as she took a seat again, but quieted as Harry cast a glance at her.
"Alright, back to the map," Rose called eagerly. "How exactly do we play this game? What are the rules?"
Harry paused, momentarily stumped. He hadn't actually gotten that far, but now seemed to be the wrong time to tell them that.
"Right. Well. Obviously, there are rules."
James smirked at him.
"First," Harry invented wildly, "this should go without saying, no hurting anyone. I know all of you can manage that. Second, you can't…totally ignore school rules."
He hadn't actually intended to say that, but now he definitely couldn't take it back.
"I realize some of these might require…creative ways to avoid the teachers, but if I hear about any of you doing something too far out of line or getting any punishment more serious than a detention you'll be automatically disqualified."
"So basically, don't get caught." James said. Harry ignored him.
"Three, I don't want any cheating. But that said…there is a certain degree of strategy here. Part of playing is playing the other players, but I want you to remember that this is supposed to be fun. If you all start getting into serious fights, I'll call the whole thing off. Are we clear?"
There was a general murmur of agreement and nodding of heads from everyone but Teddy.
"What about teams?" he asked.
Harry paused. He took a brief moment to contemplate the terror of his little nieces and nephews banding together to form some sort of unholy alliance of noise and chaos, barreling through the halls of the school.
"Yes." He smiled. "Teams are acceptable. On a task by task basis."
"So," started Fred as Harry felt the air in the room start to shift, the excitement becoming palpable as the reality of the situation sunk in, "when do we start?"
"Wait for my owl." He told them. "I'll give you the details of your first mission. But we start right now. As of this moment."
He grinned around at them all, "Let the games begin."