A/N:
STOP!
Stop, stop right there. Did you read last chapter yet? Because I updated with two this time!
(shakes head) Saying that makes me sound productive when really this is a shorter chap than the others.
Enjoy! ^ ^
Chapter 9: Baby, it's raining outside
"Mnnn," Zero moans. He shivers. A cold breeze creeps through the air and slithers across his legs, leaving a trail of goose bumps on his skin.
Damn it. He must have forgotten to close the window again.
Zero curls up his legs even tighter in response. He instinctively presses closer to the solid warmth pressing against his back, arm sleepily reaching to tug the blanket closer to him.
Zero pauses as he pulls something decidedly heavier than a blanket. What the –
Zero's eyes snap wide open in alarm. He furrows his eyebrows, eyes flicking down to see that he's grasping what definitely does not like a blanket but an arm.
An arm complete with a hand that has fingers that are currently interlocked with his own.
Zero blinks for several moments as he stares blankly at his hand. With a feeling of dread, he shifts and turns carefully around, eyes slowly flicking up to see Kaname sleeping peacefully next to him. He blinks once more before he gapes. Why is Kaname is sleeping in his bed?
Again?
His still drowsy mind helpfully supplies another long string of curses that explains absolutely nothing.
He bites his lips and carefully withdraws his fingers, prying them away from Kaname's own. There is a low murmur and Zero immediately freezes, eyes darting to Kaname's face as he holds his breath.
Kaname does not wake though and merely brings his hand back towards himself as he continues to sleep, oblivious.
Zero glances at Kaname once more before he slowly disentangles himself and slowly sits up, back leaning against the headboard.
He immediately groans with pain as his head throbs in protest at the sudden movement.
Oh, shit. Shit. What the hell?
Whatever limited brain cells remaining apparently are revolting against his decision to sit up or wake up, he can't tell at this point. It feels like his brain is trying to escape from his head or something because there is a buzzing pressure at his temples and at the sides of his head that makes him bite down on another groan.
His sanity and lucidness, or really his freaking ability to just see in front of him, is under siege by the behemoth that is his sudden headache.
Oh, god.
Is…this a hangover? What the fuck did he do to have a hangover in the first place?
Zero blinks rapidly. And it does nothing to stop the blurred, spinning kaleidoscope of colors that bombards his vision.
Mistake. Definite mistake to sit up. Or to wake up. Or to think.
Goddamn it. At least, he is in his room. He groans again.
Zero leans back against the headboard, closing his eyes and desperately willing his headache to fade away, if only by a smidgen. The disorienting dizziness that he felt is beginning to incite similar waves of nausea in his stomach.
Shit. Not good.
He swallows and takes several deep breaths, cringing at the thought of throwing up.
God, and on top of dealing with the worst headache he ever had the misfortune to receive, Zero still has to deal with the fact that Kaname is in his bed and he still has no idea how he got there. No idea whatsoever.
He faintly hopes that by some miracle, everything is just a bad dream. A bad dream or a hallucination of sorts. But seriously?
Even he is not convinced.
Zero carefully opens his eyes again and blinks slowly.
He instantly sighs with relief when the world looks less like a demented carousel spinning out of control and more like his goddamned room.
Zero pauses and glances to his left again.
Nope. Not a dream after all. He sighs. Since when is it ever a dream?
He thinks by now, he should probably be used to this. This is what? The third time he woke up to see Kaname in his bed?
He inwardly cringes. That does not feel like something he should be used to much less think.
Kaname, of course, does not notice that panic attack that threatens to take over Zero any minute now and continues sleeping.
Zero bites his lips. What happened yesterday?
He furrows his eyebrows in concentration as he racks through his memories, sweeping away the memories of this week like an obnoxious, dissatisfied shopper shuffling through the clothing rack.
Ok, so…last night…last night, he went to visit Lily, didn't he? Because he was fed up with the bond and wanted to get his mind off it. And then…. Kaito walked in and they had that conversation and…Zero stills and groans.
He knew he should not have listened to Kaito. He didn't even like the taste of the beer, and somehow he still finished it.
…Or at least he thinks he did. He can't remember.
Shit. That explains the hangover, but it does not explain Kaname.
He frowns and concentrates, but to his frustration, nothing comes. There is a nondescript hole in his memories, all dark space and blurry fragmented images.
Apparently he blacked out or something. His eye twitches in annoyance. Great. Bloody fantastic.
He's going to kill Kaito and abstain from drinking for the rest of his life.
Zero dragged a hand down his face in exasperation. There's a nagging feeling that something important did happen last night, and that he really should remember it. Damn it.
He…did not do anything stupid, did he? Zero bites his lips and stares down at Kaname with furrowed eyebrows. Because, he does not understand how he was with Kaito in the stables one moment and then somehow woke up in his room with Kaname the next.
Oh, god. What happened in that expanse of time?
Stupid, he definitely did something stupid. There's a foreboding feeling in his gut that confirms it for him.
Zero swallows, eyes flicking over himself and then over Kaname. They're both dressed, and there does not seem to be any marks on him.
Zero stills and widens his eyes before he ruffles his hair agitatedly, cheeks reddening in realization. He almost wants to strangle his mind, if that could be remotely possible because shit, why is that the first thing he thinks of happening last night?
He cusses under his breath. That's it. He clearly drank all of his brain cells away.
He shakes his head and mutters some curse words again before he pauses and fingers the sleeve of his shirt. This isn't his uniform. It's his shirt, he recognizes that, but…he can't remember changing.
He glances over at the bed before his eyes roam around the room and stop at the chair in surprise. He can see the clothes draped over the back of the chair, and with eyes widening, he also notices a long black jacket sitting on top of it.
Kaname's?
Zero furrows his eyebrows and glances over at Kaname, eyes wide with distress. He can't remember anything.
He needs an explanation before he drives himself insane.
Zero reaches out, intending to wake Kaname when he falters, hand an inch away from Kaname's shoulder.
Kaname is fast asleep, chest rising up and down with each deep breath. Zero surveys him carefully and notices the dark circles under Kaname's eyes. It reminds him of before when Kaname fell asleep after Zero took his blood, and Zero wonders if Kaname is overworking himself because he still looks so tired, even now.
He instinctively knows this is probably the first good to honest, satisfying sleep that Kaname has in days.
Zero bites his lips and gazes down at Kaname. Sleep softens his features into something gentler, something more open. He looks wonderingly at the abrupt change from the stoic, composed expression that Kaname usually has.
This expression… fits him better.
Zero withdraws his hand, unable to bring himself to disturb the tranquility that radiates softly from Kaname.
Zero swallows and looks away. These are the exact kind of thoughts that plagued him all week, like incessant flies that kept buzzing around him but never staying still enough for him to swat away.
It's annoying to say the least, but more than that, it makes things so much more complicated.
It is hard enough to come to terms with the bond itself, much less the emotional effects that apparently comes with the bond as an unnecessary bonus.
Although…the heavy ache that pulsed deep in his chest is gone now. Zero frowns in confusion, fingers unconsciously creeping up and rubbing his chest.
Well, at least, that's a plus.
Zero sighs. He really does not understand anything anymore.
A quick glance to his right tells him that it is now two in the afternoon. Zero struggles to remember. It's Sunday, isn't it?
He pauses. What should he do now?
Shower?
Carefully, Zero swings his legs over his side of the bed, taking care to avoid rustling the covers too much. Wincing at the cold floor, he unsteadily stands up, wincing as vertigo threatens to slam him back down. Zero rubs the side of his head as his headache returns, duller this time.
Yeah, this made it official.
He was never going to drink again.
Ever.
Slowly, he trudges towards the closet and grabs whatever clean clothes he sees first. His eyes dart back towards the bed, relieved to see that Kaname is still sleeping.
Good. It gives him time to wrangle out an explanation from his disjointed memories. Hopefully, a shower would clear his mind. And with that in mind, Zero walks to the bathroom and carefully closes the door with a quiet click.
Throwing his clothes on the counter, Zero reaches out and flings open the medicine cabinet, fingers grabbing the aspirin bottle. Popping two pills in his mouth, he throws back the bottle in carelessly.
God, this better do something to quiet the elephant in his head.
He sighs and turns on the faucet, the cool metal surface instantly cooling his fingertips. Zero leans down and splashes some cold water on his face, hoping it would make him feel more awake and alert.
He peers up and stares at his reflection. Familiar lilac eyes and silver hair reflects back at him in the mirror. He does not look any different.
Hooray for small miracles, he thinks sarcastically.
Zero splashed more water on his face, vainly hoping that it would clear up his thoughts. He sloppily squeezes out some toothpaste on his toothbrush. Brushing his teeth, Zero probes his mind for the missing memories. To his dissatisfaction, the memories stay persistently elusive.
Zero absentmindedly turns off the water. He steps towards the shower stall and reaches out to turn on the hot water. While the water warms up, Zero slips off his clothes distractedly.
Why can't he remember? Just how much did he have to drink last night anyways?
He steps into the shower stall, muscles immediately relaxing as steam rises up, enveloping him in a warm fuzzy heat. He immediately sighs in contentment.
Screw it. The memories will come when they come. What else can he do anyways?
Squeezing out some of the body wash on a loofah, Zero absentmindedly scrubbed his body, relaxing under the spray of warm water. He sighs and reaches out to squeeze out some shampoo before lathering his hair, fingers rubbing lazy circles through his hair and instantly soothing him with the motion.
He furrows his eyebrows as a vague memory surfaces. He remembers…remembers feeling warm fingers carding through his hair. A low voice speaking softly to him. Solid arms holding him close.
Is that something that happened last night?
He frowns, desperate for a face, a name to pin to the fuzzy memory. Stepping under the warm spray of water, Zero cusses aloud.
So close, but the memory drifts quickly away like the soap bubbles washing down the drain. He can't grasp it and his head aches with the effort.
He closes his eyes, letting the warm water run down his face in rivulets. A strong wave of frustration wells up in him. Damn it. Why can't he just remember?
This is important. He can feel it. He's missing something important.
Zero runs a hand agitatedly through the wet strands of his hair. So much for being relaxed anymore.
Zero leans against the tiles, skin shivering a bit at the contrasting coldness. He closes his eyes under the hot water, willing his muscles to relax and his mind to focus on the warmth instead.
Warmth…his mind whispers teasingly. He narrows his eyes, vaguely remembering warmth under his fingertips, against his chest. A warm back. Hands, arms carrying him. Locks of dark brunette hair. Zero's eyes widened in recognition. Kaname.
As if triggered, the rest of his memories flits through his head in brief snatches. Kaname carrying him on his back. Him laughing at something Kaname said. A hand coming up for a childish high five. Feeling the rumble of Kaname's deep laughter vibrating through him.
No way. No way.
Zero slumps back again the tile in disbelief. He can feel his ears and cheeks burning unbearably hot, the steam in the bathroom suddenly feeling suffocating in its humidity.
Oh, god.
Apparently, he acts like a kid when drunk. Awesome. If there is ever a time when he wants nothing more than to disappear from the world and live his days as a wandering recluse living underground, this would be it.
How the hell is he supposed to confront Kaname now, much less even look at him?
But, oh no, the memories does not stop there. Zero could vaguely remember Kaname leading him back to the room. Taking off his shoes. Feeling that unbearable pain of hurt and loss again. Hand coming up to tug at Kaname, not wanting him to leave again.
Zero widens his eyes, palm coming up to cover his face. Fuck. Fuck. He did what?
He could dimly remember the words, dontgodontgo, running through his head like some lovesick melody. He clasps a hand over his eyes, not wanting to relive the memories anymore.
Zero swallows. Kaname had stayed. Stayed.
The thought leaves him as off-kilter as the whole goddamned week had. He does not know what to make of it or how to feel.
Did Kaname stay because of pity? Because of the emotions, the weakness that Zero displayed last night? ...Or did he stay because he….he cared enough to?
Zero bites his lips, fingers coming up to touch his forehead gingerly, remembering the feather light kiss grazing his skin. Remembers the solid grip, the unhesitating way Kaname pulled him in close. The edge of concern in his voice, the gentle murmurs.
Zero swallows again. He made Kaname worry last night.
Kaname's reaction simultaneously surprises him and at the same time, he thinks of the way Kaname has treated these past weeks and…maybe it should not be so surprising after all.
Shit.
Zero abruptly turns off the water, no longer wanting to wallow in the steam or the memories.
This is bad.
He did not think he was that affected by the bond. And most of all, as he stares blankly at his hand before clenching it tightly, it scares him how vulnerable he became yesterday.
It…It feels like he's losing control of himself. He hates it. Hates how somehow he's at the mercy of yet another unknown force.
He cusses under his breath and runs a hand shakily through his hair. What should he do?
The bond is…is messing him up, playing with his thoughts and twisting all of these…these sensations, feelings within him.
Zero frowns and glances towards the closed door with dread. Fuck, he does not want to come out.
He does not want to chance Kaname being awake because it means they would talk about last night, about how their relationship just became that much more confusing. How is that even possible?
Why the hell did Kaname even carry him back to the dorms anyways?
Should have just left him where he was. Wherever that had been.
Zero grimaces and takes his time putting on his clean set of clothes, stalling for time. Zero frowns at himself, irritated at his own pathetic behavior. He can't hide away in a freaking bathroom forever, but god, is it a tempting option.
He sighs wearily. He misses the days when he did not have to agonize over issues like what should he do about the guy who he's accidentally bonded with and who is also currently sleeping in his bed right now.
…It's rather depressing that he even has to think that.
His life is starting to resemble some clichéd, longwinded soap opera or something because it's ridiculous how things escalated to this point.
He takes another deep breath, hand still toweling his hair dry. He opens the door and steps warily out. Zero turns towards the bed, expecting Kaname to still be asleep only to see Kaname staring back at him, very much wide awake.
Zero freezes. Damn it all.
Kaname wakes up disoriented and confused. He blinks slowly, unable to comprehend his surroundings at first. The room…the bed…Oh, that's right. Zero's room.
Kaname glances over to his side and frowns when Zero is nowhere to be found.
Just then, Kaname's ears pick up the sound of the water running. He immediately relaxes and sighs wearily, chastising himself for getting so irrationally flustered. Zero is merely taking a shower. He's fine. Everything is fine.
Kaname runs a hand through his hair and grimaces slightly. He has just woken up and he is already acting unlike himself already.
He brings his fingers to his right temple. Kaname supposes that he needed to have a conversation with Zero over the bond, and the sooner the better. He exhales heavily. He would have to be careful with his words here because if Zero does not remember last night at all, then…well, how exactly should he explain this?
A click of the doorknob draws Kaname abruptly away from his thoughts. He looks up to see an equally surprised Zero staring back at him. The large lilac eyes instantly makes Kaname recall the look on Zero's face last night for a moment. His eyes slightly narrow at the quickening heart beat and the sharp panicked intake of breath that Zero takes.
Slipping on a neutral expression, Kaname chooses to start with a harmless question and asks softly, "How are you feeling?"
Zero's eyes widen further at Kaname's gentle tone, at the sliver of concern he can see in those russet eyes. He inwardly cringes. Kaname definitely read his body language.
Zero bites his lips and says quietly, one hand coming up to rub at his arm as he looks away, "Ok. You?"
Kaname pauses, eyes flicking over Zero. He seems fine, although distinctly uncomfortable. Actually, he expected Zero to start yelling at him for an explanation. Kaname furrows his eyebrows and wonders if it means that Zero remembers last night. He says hesitantly, "I'm fine."
The silence that follows after his words thicken the tension he can feel draping over the room.
Zero shifts uncomfortably, eyes darting to Kaname in question. So what now? Does Kaname expect him to continue this conversation, the one that he really, really could do without?
In his inner turmoil, his mind, apparently stressed out and tired of him, makes Zero finally blurt out, "I'm sorry."
Kaname stares at Zero, perplexed. Why is Zero apologizing? He voices his confusion aloud. "Zero, what are you apologizing for?
Zero frowns, eyes flicking to Kaname in dissatisfaction. Does he have to explain?
Raising a hand to the back of his head, Zero elaborates unhappily, "For last night. For getting so drunk that you had to carry me back. And for you know." Zero makes a vague hand gesture, desperately hoping that Kaname would leave it like that.
Kaname pauses and asks unsurely, "Zero…do you remember what happened last night?"
Zero glances back at him before looking away and nodding shortly. Kaname hesitates again because Zero looks so uncomfortable right now that he thinks Zero might be one step away from bolting. He continues carefully, "Then… I think we need to talk about this."
To his surprise, Zero immediately furrows his eyebrows and shifts again. He asks helplessly, "Do we have to?" He pauses and says roughly, "I…I was drunk last night. End of story. There isn't anything to discuss."
There is. There is, but Zero shoves away the nagging whisper in his mind.
Kaname blinks and asks with slight disbelief, "What do you mean there is nothing to discuss?"
Zero frowns but stubbornly looks away and says, "No, we don't. Just drop it, Kaname."
Kaname stares at him, taken aback by Zero's reaction. Why is Zero so reluctant? The bond clearly affected the both of them. Last night proves that the bond is no longer something they could dismiss or compartmentalize away.
He frowns and gets up from the bed. He takes a step forward, and to his increasing dissatisfaction, Zero stiffens and steps back. Kaname pauses and asks, perplexed, "I don't understand. Why are you avoiding this?"
Zero frowns and retorts dryly, "Of course, I want to avoid talking about it. I acted like an idiot yesterday." His cheeks flush pink with embarrassment as he pauses and recalls his actions last night. Zero looks away and says, voice strained, "I was an emotional mess last night. Ok? I'm sorry you had to deal with that."
Kaname narrows his eyes at the way Zero is gripping his arm tightly and averting his eyes. It has him tensing in wariness and he says sharply, "You were not acting an idiot. And I'm not - " Kaname stops midsentence, mahogany eyes flashing with irritation as he demands, "Why do you keep stepping back?"
Zero flinches slightly before he narrows his eyes and retorts, "Why do you keep coming closer?"
"Zero," he starts, stepping forward only to have Zero step back once again. He feels his instincts bristle at that. It does not escape him that Zero keeps deliberately putting distance between them. The observation inexplicably chafes him, digs under his skin.
He does not like it.
A dark, disapproving look crosses his features and Kaname threatens, voice low in warning, "Zero, you do not want to play this game of cat and mouse with me."
Zero stills for a second as he registers Kaname's aura darkening for a moment. He scowls then, the discomfort quickly dissipating in favor for irritation. He doesn't like what Kaname is insinuating. Mouse?
Zero stalks defiantly towards Kaname, only stopping until he's a foot away. Zero pointedly glares up at him. Crossing his arms, he sullenly conceded, "Fine. What do you want?"
Kaname has to repress an annoyed growl at Zero's response. Zero has this predilection of trying his patience. He takes a moment to recompose himself before answering, irritation still evident in his tone, "To discuss the bond. We can't approach it like this anymore."
Zero furrows his eyebrows and asks warily, "What do you mean by that?"
Kaname surveys him and says, "We underestimated it. It…It is not wise to leave the bond like this."
Zero only levels another confused look towards Kaname and questions, "What are you trying to say?"
"The bond has been…retaliating all week." Kaname hesitates before suggesting carefully, "Perhaps…we should accept the bond."
Zero stills and asks tensely, "What do you mean by accepting?"
Kaname shrugs slightly in helplessness. He does not really know himself, but he knows they can't approach the bond like they have been these past weeks. It is not something they can ignore and let it do as it wants in the background.
But, before Kaname can manage to express that in words, Zero clenches his fingers and accuses sharply, "What do you mean you don't know? What – you -"
He stops abruptly and exhales shortly in frustration. Accept?
What does Kaname mean by that? That he should just accept those feelings of need, pain, that phantom feeling of loss that plagued him all week as normal? That apparently having his emotions tugged every which is something he should just resign himself to?
Zero stiffens as the implications sweep through.
He can't. He can't accept the bond if it means giving up his self-control. Not when he has so little of it already.
Zero's rising temper only inflame Kaname's own frustrations with the issue of the bond, and he tenses slightly with a frown.
It isn't as if he has a wealth of knowledge to draw from. All he has is his experience right now, Dealing with the bond all week has only confirmed his fear that this is something well beyond his control.
He is not happy about this either, and Kaname answers dryly, irritation flickering in his eyes, "Contrary to what you think, Zero, I don't know everything. I'm about as lost about this as you are."
Zero glares at him and demands, "So what then? That's your best solution? To accept the bond? How the hell will that make things better?"
Zero tightens his fists in agitation. Kaname has no idea what he is saying.
No. He nearly lost his mind this week. And Kaname is standing calmly there, saying that he should accept the thing that caused the mess in the first place?
So he can what? Lose whatever shreds of sanity he still clung to?
"No."
Kaname raises an eyebrow again, eyes flicking over Zero's form tense with anger. He narrows his eyes. Why Zero is being so difficult? What other choice do they have?
The irritation building inside of him shifts to flat out frustration, and he asks, voice hardening, "No, what, Zero?
Zero's lilac eyes darkens to violet, brimming with fury. He snarls, "No! I'm not accepting it! You're insane if you think we should. You have no idea what I felt like this past week!"
Zero's hands comes up to clutch at his chest involuntarily as his mind races through the memories of the week again, the sensations that he had to endure. He swallows and says, voice edged with desperateness and anger, "I felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest. Like someone had torn something away from me. Everything hurt, even though there were no goddamned injuries. I kept- I kept feeling this ache…this wanting."
With silver strands now falling messily over amethyst eyes swirling wildly with madness, Zero continues ranting furiously, "And every time I closed my eyes, I could only think about you! About where you were. About what you were doing. I don't know why I care! Why should I feel all of this towards you? You of all people!"
Zero breathes heavily before he grits out, "At this freaking rate, how the hell am I supposed to even carry out my job as a guardian or a hunter?"
Kaname narrows his eyes in vexation. In a low voice, he says vexed, finally releasing his own pent up feelings. "You think you were the only one who suffered this week? I had a meeting with the Council, or did you forget?"
Incited, his eyes gleam dangerously, red increasingly tinting his eyes. Kaname continues, his voice scathing and sharp. "During the whole meeting – no – week, instead of focusing on the deliberations, I kept finding myself thinking about you, Zero. I would catch myself gazing out the window. I could feel the bond tugging at me. Every time I blocked it, the bond would merely react stronger."
Kaname stops and reaches up towards his neck, very much still aware of how it felt. "It reached the point until I could feel it burning on my neck, like it was branding me with its demands. Do you have any idea how foolish it is? To go head to head with the council distracted like this? You think I wanted this bond either?"
He finishes acidly, "It is pathetic that in the one week I spend apart from you, I am suddenly unable to perform any of my duties. Which I assure you are very necessary and important."
Zero stills and stares back at Kaname with wide eyes, taken aback by the rare display of anger.
He…he really did not consider Kaname's own feelings towards the bond. The fact that the normally composed pureblood just lost his temper speaks volumes on Kaname's own frustrations and uneasiness towards the bond.
Zero shakily runs a hand through his hair. Shit. Shit.
Kaname's words flit through his head once more, and with each word, resignation darkens and swirls through him in a black fog.
God, what the hell are they supposed to do now? What the fuck is he supposed to do?
Zero's jaw clenches and he asks self-deprecatingly, "So what now? We're both screwed then?" He tightens a hand on his arm and continues bitterly, "You never should have given me your blood."
Kaname stills. Never should have given him blood?
He narrows his eyes, the dark surge of anger spiking through his blood, destructive adrenaline in his veins. He reaches out, and the room blurs by as his heartbeat thunders in his ears and he finds himself roughly slamming Zero back against the wall. He can feel the bond trembling anxiously, sending icy slivers of iciness and jagged pulses of heat under his skin.
Kaname ignores it and says lowly, "What does that mean? You took my blood of your own accord."
Zero widens his eyes at Kaname's response, at the fury smoldering in the reddening irises. He narrows his eyes and glowers back, gritting out, "I never wanted it in the first place. You never should have given it to me." He glances at his wrists pressed towards the wall and his own anger courses through him. He jerks his wrists harshly and snarls, "Get off me, you bastard."
Kaname tightens his grip, fingers bruising and unyielding. With eyes narrowed and lips pressed tightly in a straight line, he says angrily, voice rising in anger and disbelief, "I never should have given it to you? Do you know what would have happened if you didn't? You wouldn't be standing here right now!"
Why are they back here? Why are they back at square one? The thoughts swirl chaotically through him, and Kaname growls with the sheer anger, frustration searing though him.
He can't understand.
Not give him blood? So Zero can what? Be left to his fate and be killed or worse? Pull the trigger on himself?
Why? How? How can the bond be that much worse than that?
Zero thrashes under his hold, foot coming out to kick him sharply in the shin, and he yells vehemently, eyes flashing wildly, "Don't throw that in my face!"
Kaname presses Zero back and yells back, voice desperate and furious, "What do you want from me? I can't change the fact that we are bonded!"
Zero glares back at him, opens his mouth to retort scathingly back, when Kaname suddenly stills as his words echo back in his ears. He swallows and asks, voice strangled and hoarse, "Or is that it? Do you hate me that much that you can't stand to be bonded to me?"
Zero freezes and widens his eyes. Hate? Wha-What?
Kaname gazes searchingly back at him, but Zero is still speechless, mind still racing through Kaname's words again. Hate? He can't muster any words, any answers because what the fuck is Kaname even saying?
Kaname suddenly lets go of him and steps back, and Zero sees the pain and hurt cutting sharply across Kaname's features, shadowing Kaname's usually vivid eyes.
The expression catches in Zero's mind, and trepidation plummets coldly in his stomach as his heartbeat thunders loudly in his ears.
No. No. No.
But, Zero can already see it in the way Kaname tenses and turns away from him that he's taking Zero's silence as an answer. Zero's eyes widen and his fingers twitch. No. What is Kaname thinking?
That is not what he's thinking. That isn't why he's so alarmed over the bond. That is not at all what he means.
Kaname does not notice Zero's distraught expression as he turns away, fists tightening, and says shortly, voice cold and emotionless. "If we can't stand to be away from each other for a week, then you should already accept the bond for what it is. If you want to -"
Kaname stills and blinks in surprise as he feels a tug on the back of his shirt and then a warm pressure against his shoulder. He is about to turn, but the fingers clench his shirt and stops him from turning around.
And, then he hears Zero whisper thickly, "I didn't say that." Zero drops his forehead against his shoulder and continues quietly, "I didn't say that I hated you. So stop putting words in my mouth, you idiot. I just…"
Zero bites his lips, hesitant on revealing his reasons.
Kaname furrows his eyebrows, not missing the tremble in Zero's fingers. He swallows.
Zero says suddenly, "I never wanted to be a vampire. You know that." He pauses and takes a deep breath before he continues falteringly, "If…you tell me to – to accept this bond, this bond that goes against everything I believe in and have been fighting against, and after this week….Fuck, do you understand how I feel right now?"
Kaname holds his breath and breathes out, "Zero…"
He didn't.
He didn't realize how much more terrifying, how much more resentful Zero must have found the bond. The bond, to Zero, must have felt another one of fate's vicious tricks to take away Zero's control over his life, his identity, himself.
Kaname exhales slowly. Is this why Zero was angry?
He frowns and mentally chastises himself. How could have he have lost his temper like that?
Zero steps back and lets go of his shirt. He bites his lips and settles back against the wall.
Kaname immediately turns around, eyes quickly roving over Zero. He stills as he catches the helplessness shuttering over Zero's features before Zero averts his eyes and confesses, voice achingly honest, "It's already hard enough to deal with my bloodthirst, to come to terms with myself, and that might as well be a lost cause. And if my feelings aren't my own, then what do I have left?"
Kaname does not even stop to think as he steps closer to Zero.
Zero's eyes dart back to him in surprise. "Kaname? What are you doing?"
Zero blinks when Kaname only pulls him in gently and then all he sees is the blur of white fabric in front of him, feels the warm, solid arms wrap around him, and then Kaname is murmuring, "I'm sorry. I didn't…didn't realize. I didn't mean to be so angry." Zero's eyes widen slightly as Kaname tightens his grip and holds him even closer, repeating quietly again, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."
Zero swallows. He can feel Kaname's heartbeat vibrating under his fingers latched onto the shirt, the concern and remorse in the tight embrace. Expression rueful, he drops his forehead against Kaname's shoulder and mumbles, "What are you apologizing for, idiot? I was pissed and I took it out on you too."
Kaname does not answer and only holds him close, arms encircling around Zero's waist as if afraid to let him go. A twinge of heat runs through his neck, gentle and pleasant this time, as if in satisfaction. Zero pauses and lifts his head to look at Kaname.
Kaname gazes uncertainly back before he says quietly, russet eyes solemn and piercing, "You…you said that you did not have anything else left, but you do." He pauses before he continues, voice brimming with unrepressed emotion, "You have so much, Zero. You treat yourself so carelessly when all I see are these eyes bright and burning with life."
Zero widens his eyes at Kaname's words, surprise and wonder flitting through him. Kaname smiles softly as he sees the glow of lavender in those bright eyes, so breathlessly open and vulnerable. He pulls back so that he can reach out and thumb Zero's cheek gently. He murmurs, "See?"
Something warm curls in Zero's chest at the honesty in Kaname's words and gaze, and it has him averting his eyes, cheeks heating up. He bites his lips and murmurs, "That's why you're an idiot. How could I hate someone who says things like that?"
His gaze slides sideways and he catches the small smile on Kaname's face, the hint of relief and ease in those dark eyes. Zero crosses his arms and shifts slightly. Last night's memories flash through his head again and he says with slight wonder in his tone, "You stayed last night."
Kaname's eyes flick over Zero, and his fingers are already twitching with the impulse to tug Zero back closer to him. He says simply, "You wanted me to. And I wanted to stay."
Zero does not say anything, but his expression softens and tells Kaname enough.
He reaches out and brushes his fingers across Zero's cheek again. He murmurs, "I don't like it when you look troubled. It makes me want to bring you in close and chase away whatever is bothering you." Kaname pauses before he admits quietly, "It surprises me how much you affect me."
Zero breathes in slowly as his eyes flick over Kaname's face again, heartbeat thumping loudly at the way Kaname holds his gaze, steadfast and unhesitant. How much he affects Kaname?
The words churn slowly through his head, and a sense of wonder runs through Zero.
Kaname's fingers trail down his cheek and towards his neck. Zero shivers slightly at the heat grazing his skin, the butterfly light kisses those gentle fingers leave behind, tracing patterns as they stroke down towards his neck. The soft tingles that spread underneath his skin are pleasant. Soft. Comforting.
He glances back at Kaname hesitantly, but Kaname does not seem to notice as he pulls away and says lightly now, "You weren't acting like an idiot last night." His lips curve upwards and Kaname remarks, a teasing lilt in his voice, "I thought you were rather...adorable."
Zero can feel his cheeks redden at Kaname's words, but he raises an eyebrow regardless and grumbles, "What exactly is adorable about carrying a drunk back to his room? You just have a warped personality."
Kaname's lips twitch upwards at that before he notes with slight wonder, "You laughed yesterday. I never heard you laugh like that before." Kaname pauses as he remembers the way Zero laughed, eyes bright and expression breathlessly carefree. He observes quietly, "You sounded happy."
Zero pauses at Kaname's odd expression before he points out, "I was drunk."
Kaname shrugs slightly and gazes at him, eyes warm and soft. He answers honestly, "Happy is a good look on you."
"It is for you too," Zero murmurs unthinkingly before his eyes widen in realization and he can feel his cheeks burn. His eyes dart over to Kaname, who looks just as caught off guard before his lips curve in a bemused smile.
Zero immediately looks away. Shit, what did he just say? Oh, god, can he just throw himself out the window now?
There is a low chuckle before those warm hands reach out again to wrap around him again. Zero blinks in surprise before he frowns and pushes against Kaname's chest, protesting. "Kaname! Let go!"
Kaname chuckles and brings him even closer, and Zero makes another noise of protest. He glances back and scowls at the smirk on Kaname's face. He pushes Kaname's face to the side and complains, "Stop it. Seriously. Look that way. And let me go."
Kaname chuckles again and Zero mutters under his breath, "I don't understand why I tolerate you. You're such a bastard."
Eyes deliberately landing anywhere but Kaname, he says a bit sourly, "So what are we going to do about the bond then?"
Kaname pauses at that and says pensively, "The bond most likely reacted the way it did because it's unstable."
Zero furrows his eyebrows. "What does that mean?"
Kaname sighs and explains, "A bond is more like a connection between two individuals. We formed the bond accidentally, so we don't have as strong as an emotional link as typical mates would have."
Zero blinks and realizes aloud, "That's why the bond reacted like this when we were apart this week."
Kaname nods and hesitates before he starts slowly, "I think…if we spend more time with each other, it would give the bond time to acclimate."
Zero blinks and asks confused, "Spend time? But aren't we already are? It isn't as if we avoided each other since the bond." He pauses and mutters, "I think we spent more time with each other now ever since the bond formed." Zero looks back up at Kaname and continues, "And it's not like I can be with you for the majority of the day at school. Our schedules don't match."
Zero pauses at Kaname's silence and asks warily, "Kaname?" Kaname shrugs and there's an expectant expression in his eyes that has realization and dread crashing over Zero. Zero stares at Kaname and says incredulously, "You can't be serious. You want me to – Kaname! That's a stupid idea!"
Kaname shifts slightly under Zero's disbelieving gaze, but says resolutely, "If you switch into the Night Class, wouldn't our schedules match?"
Zero stares at him and counters flatly, "I'm not going to switch into a class where I have to restrain myself from shooting the idiots every five seconds. Do you want that? A class homicide?"
Kaname pauses and gives him a sidelong look. "Aren't you exaggerating?"
"…Have you forgotten how our class exchanges have gone?" Zero shakes his head and points out, "Besides, Yagari-sensei and Kaito are teaching now. They're going to think that I hit my head and lost my memory if I transferred."
Kaname blinks and murmurs aloud, "I forgot about that." He pauses and contemplates for a moment before suggesting, "What if you only transfer into the Moon Dorms? You can still keep your classes."
Zero looks at him unimpressed and remarks wryly, "Not that I agree with you, but would that really change things? You guys still keep to demented hours."
Kaname shrugs and says simply, "I would see you more than at class exchange."
Zero grimaces and argues in exasperation, "You realize that putting aside the still suspicious nature of this, you're only shifting me from a room of vampires to a building full of them, right? Are you trying to be hopelessly optimistic or do you honestly think for some godforsaken reason, that this is a good idea?"
"Zero, you're making this more difficult. They aren't as bad as you think they are, and I won't let anyone bother you." Kaname gazes steadily at him and presses, "You're fine with me, aren't you?"
"Not right now, I'm not." Zero mutters as he looks pointedly towards Kaname's arms in reminder. He adds, "And I'm bonded to you, not them."
Kaname blinks at that before his lips twitch upwards at Zero's frank statement. Zero catches the reaction and nudges Kaname in the shoulder for it. He grumbles, "How are you even going to explain my decision to move in?"
Kaname represses a chuckle at Zero's aversion and responds, "We only need the chairman's support. Yagari-sensei listens to him, doesn't he? And I don't think the chairman would protest if I said that it would help to keep your bloodthirst under control."
"I still think it's a half-baked idea." Zero furrows his eyebrows and asks helplessly, "Is this really necessary?"
Kaname shrugs and says seriously, "I won't force you to if you don't want to. But at least give it some thought before you decide."
Zero glances back at Kaname and takes in the sincere, reassuring gaze. He bites his lips and answers reluctantly, "I'll…consider it."
…Even though he thinks this might be the worst idea they ever had.
Kaname sees the frown and reassures, "If you feel uncomfortable, then it's fine. Truly. We'll… figure things out as we go." He pauses before admitting, "Although, I really think it would not be so bad if we spent more time with each other."
Zero looks questioningly at Kaname as an uncharacteristic unsure expression suddenly crosses his features. Kaname visibly hesitates, and Zero frowns slightly in concern. He blinks when Kaname's arms tighten and he murmurs quietly, "I want to know more about the person I'm bonded to."
There is a flicker of uncertainty in Kaname's eyes, a flash of vulnerability that makes Zero swallow suddenly and his neck tingle slightly. Kaname…keeps surprising him like this. He reflexively ducks his head, feeling his cheeks inexplicably warming up. What the hell is he supposed to say to that?
Kaname's expression softens at Zero's expression and he leans down, nuzzling lightly against Zero's neck and murmuring against the skin, "You smell good."
And Zero does. The smell of vanilla, cloying and lulling, wafts up, stronger and more tempting than ever. The scent clings to Zero and Kaname feels the instinctive need to pull him in even closer and drink in the smell that calls to him so temptingly and nostalgically.
Zero shivers at the way the deep cadence of Kaname's voice rolls over his skin. He quickly pushes Kaname away and retorts, "That's because I just showered." When Kaname only hums and tugs him even closer, Zero makes a strangled noise of protest. He raises his head up and glares at Kaname in clear irritation, muttering under his breath, "This better not be what you meant."
Kaname's lips curve into an amused smirk and mischief dances in his eyes when he remarks casually, "Is that what you're thinking?"
Zero's cheeks redden and he looks away, grumbling, "You're insufferable. The more I know you, the more I think you're an idiot."
Kaname grins, liking the way Zero's cheeks are beginning to flush that delicate shade of rosy pink. He deliberately leans in closer to murmur in his ear, "That's rather harsh, Zero."
He hides another pleased smile when he feels Zero shiver again. The urge to tease Zero is irresistible when Zero responds like this. The undeniable instinct to tug Zero closer and keep this soft innocence to himself rises sharply in him and has his fingers flexing to reach out and touch and feel. He leans down and noses the soft junction of skin between Zero's shoulder and neck. "You smell sweet."
Zero jolts slightly at the sharp tingle that runs through his sensitive skin there. Warmth begins to spread and unfurl, aching and slow under his skin. He swallows and nudges Kaname again as he tries to angle himself away.
The memories of last time Kaname did this runs through his head, and he glances at Kaname questioningly, noting, "You said that before."
He did, and he did…other things that makes Zero wonder if he really should move away now. Zero wavers. Kaname's lightheartedness is something that still catches him off guard, and there is an ease in the way Kaname reaches for him that Zero honestly does not know what to think of.
He distantly wonders just how exactly did their conversation shift to this?
Kaname shrugs and tightens his arms around Zero, liking the way Zero's scent envelops him, the way the warmth radiating from Zero seeps into him. He hums, "It suits you."
Zero bites his lips as Kaname's voice rumbles pleasantly against his skin, sending another sharp tingle prickling through. He struggles to recompose himself - because Kaname really needs to stop touching him like this - and says dryly, "That's nice to know that you like my body wash." He pushes Kaname again and says a little helplessly, "Now stop it."
Zero flinches slightly as Kaname's touch sends another wave of tingles that prickle his skin and adds to the rose-gold heat swirling through his neck.
"It's your fault for smelling like this."
Zero's eye twitches as he stares down at Kaname, exasperated. He echoes incredulously, "My fault? You're doing this and it's my fault?" He scowls and pushes Kaname's head away again. "I don't understand how your twisted mind works. Stop it!"
Kaname chuckles, wondering how far he can tease Zero this time before Zero really does hit him. Zero makes it so easy to tease him, and it triggers a playfulness that he didn't know he has.
Zero bites his lips because Kaname needs to stop doing that when he's pressed so close to him and Zero can feel Kaname's chest shake with the laughter, feel it vibrating through his fingertips and plummeting straight through his skin where it strums through all of his nerves. His thoughts swirl in his head and the affectionate warmth in Kaname's voice lingers in his ears.
Zero thinks he should be more irritated at Kaname's antics, but it's hard when all he feels is a strange sense of pleased fascination at seeing Kaname so unguarded and genuine like this.
On a whim, Kaname presses a chaste kiss on the side of Zero's neck, right in the middle of the tattoo.
Zero immediately flinches, pleasure arcing through his skin – God, why is he so sensitive there? - and he lets out a choked out whimper that surprises him as much as it does Kaname.
Kaname stills and lifts his head, all previous mirth fading into something else that has his chest tightening and heartbeat quickening. His eyes flicking back to Zero, who gazes back at him with wide lilac eyes and pink cheeks. He swallows. That sound. It reminds of last time, and this time, the doe-eyed expression in those shifting amethyst hues has him coloring slightly. He murmurs helplessly, "Zero, you really don't play fair."
Zero only looks back at him with the same expression and manages out, "I really don't think you understand what playing fair means."
Kaname slowly reaches out, thumb brushing over the pink cheeks in wonder, marveling once again at the flush of heat. Zero catches his breath, feels the warm fingers resting on the side of his face, and watches Kaname with wide wondering eyes.
Kaname's eyes sweep over the rosy color coloring the soft skin before they flick involuntarily down to lips as pink and soft as those cheeks of the same color. He swallows and looks back up at Zero, breathless at the mesmerizing shade of bright lavender.
He wants. Kaname instinctively reaches out, brings Zero in closer, hand cupping the side of Zero's face as he lowers his head. He murmurs lowly, "Can I?"
Zero can only gaze back at him, unable to tear himself away from the rich shade of garnet glimmering in Kaname's eyes, beguiling and potent. He blinks and then suddenly, Kaname's lips are on his, pressing a light, chaste kiss. The bond immediately hums, and Zero can feel the warmth tingling pleasantly through him, his eyelids fluttering down at the sensation that washes over.
Kaname pauses and pulls back slightly, eyes hesitant as they trace Zero's lips and reddened cheeks. Zero makes a noise of dissatisfaction, eyelids half open, and Kaname only catches the gleam of hazy violet before fingers grasp his collar and tug him back down again.
And this time, the kiss deepens beyond the brush of lips, tongues delving in and licking tentatively in. Zero shivers and lets out a moan when the warmth flares through his neck and pools through his bloodstream. Kaname presses forward at the sound, arms tightening around Zero, tongues entangling without reservation now. Zero tightens his fingers and presses back as equally demanding.
Kaname utters a low groan before they both pull back for air. Zero swallows as realization sets in, and Kaname stares back with equally wide eyes. His eyes flick back to Zero and he sees the color flushing those cheeks, the rosiness of those soft lips, and Zero swallows again at the heated gaze burning into his skin.
Kaname holds Zero even tighter and nuzzles Zero's neck again, drinking in the captivating scent. The images dances through his head, and the soft warmth radiating from Zero makes him swallow hard.
Zero inhales sharply as Kaname's lips trail across his neck, the tingles buzzling and crackling through mercilessly. His nerves are set ablaze with the pleasurable sensations, and he's trembling with the surge of heat. Kaname presses another chaste kiss on his neck, and Zero's breathing hitches at the sensation that floods him. He vaguely notes that they're somehow sitting haphazardly on the floor now, his back pressed to the wall.
When did that happen?
Zero does not have time to wonder as Kaname presses a kiss to his jaw before he's gazing at Zero with a smoldering maroon gaze. Zero catches his breath and then Kaname kisses him again, slow and thorough this time. Zero's thoughts melt away in colors and images and he finds himself returning it, eyelids falling shut and fingers clenching Kaname's shirt hard.
Kaname pulls away and exhales shakily, thoughts swirling in that daze and fingers already twitching with the need, desire to lean down again and feel that soft, soft skin. The warmth flares gently in the side of his neck, the tingles searing through all of his nerves in pleasure.
He swallows and gazes down at Zero before he murmurs the first thing that comes to mind, helplessly, "You smell good."
Zero's cheeks flush even more, so, so red as Kaname's words finally drag him from the daze. His eyes widen. Did they just – Oh, god, they – What? What?
His thoughts flail in panic and he glances at Kaname again before the images rush through. They kissed. They kissed. Oh, shit. What just happened? His cheeks burn at the thought, and Zero unconsciously clasps a hand over his mouth.
Can he die of embarrassment? Is that an actual thing? It feels like an actual thing. Oh, shit. Shit. Shit.
Kaname glances at him hesitantly and ventures, "Zero? Are-"
Kaname blinks as Zero reaches out and covers his mouth to stop him. Eyebrows drawn together in distress and eyes wide with panic, Zero stares uncomprehendingly at him and says almost desperately, "I smell good? That's your explanation for this? What is – What?" He stops before he asks again helplessly, "What?"
Kaname bites his lips to fight back the sudden smile, but Zero is right. His answer really doesn't make any sense. All of his thoughts are still tangled in the warm rush of blood, and all he feels is an exhilarated high that suddenly bubbles up and spills out as breathless laughter.
Zero blinks at him before he protests weakly, "This is not funny. Stop laughing! This is all your fault, you know!" When Kaname can't stop chuckling with the mirth that Zero still fails to see in this, Zero bites his lips. He knows nothing. Gets nothing. Nothing makes sense.
Kaname tries to compose himself, but his chest still shudders with the laughter. Zero frowns and nudges him in exasperation and grumbles loudly about how he swears to God, if Kaname does not stop laughing, he's seriously going to punch him, and seriously? Is he still hungover? Because why the hell are you still laughing? That's it. He's changing his damned body wash if it makes Kaname act like a goddamned stupid idiot.
Kaname grins and looks down at Zero who's still muttering about how he thinks Kaname has clearly lost his mind, and seriously, if that's the way it is, then he doesn't want to be stuck with a lunatic pureblood. Kaname's lips twitch upwards again and he wraps his arms around Zero.
Zero immediately stops ranting and glances at Kaname warily, but Kaname leans down, lips brushing against his forehead as he murmurs into his hair, "You're too adorable for your own good."
He can hear the smile in Kaname's words, feel it press against his skin. Heat rises to his cheeks again, and fuck, Kaname sounds so affectionate, tender in that moment that his heartbeat stutters and his thoughts scatter to the wind again. He turns his head abruptly away only to end up pressing it into Kaname's shoulder. Zero strangles out, voice muffled against the fabric, "I don't understand you."
He hears the chuckle vibrate under his cheek, and maybe Zero doesn't understand himself either because he can feel his lips twitching up in a small smile at the sound. There's a strong undercurrent of amusement in Kaname's laugh, but Kaname sounds so honest here.
Zero buries his face even more to hide his expression and reaches out blindly to turn Kaname's face away so he can't feel the amused gaze boring down on him.
Kaname's lips quirk in another fond smile at that and he relaxes, settling more comfortably on the floor. He does not let go of Zero though. He can't bring himself to pull away from the shared warmth, that closeness. He likes how he can feel Zero's heartbeat strumming through his fingers and seamlessly blending into his own. It feels…right, and he's overcome with a feeling of pure contentment that thoroughly sates him.
Zero wonders if he should pull away, but Kaname is not either and there is something pleasant, comforting to be held so securely like this. It feels…nice. Zero bites his lips and hurriedly dismisses the thought. His ears pick up the distant sound of rain falling, beating steadily against the windowpane, but the rhythmic pitter-patter fades away under the heartbeats drumming in his ears and thrumming under his fingers.
It's all he really hears.
A/N:
….tada?
Oh, man, I hope these two chapters were ok to read.
I tried to keep Yagari, Cross, and Kaito short, but I can't! They're so fun to read, so hopefully, their part made you laugh and hopefully, I didn't just write borderline crack.
I kind of like the dysfunctional family vibes for these three, Yagari lecturing Kaito like a pissed off parent was, you know, a must.
The KaZe part was originally written as a kind-of two part one-shot, and I published them in that way to make it easier to read. Which, by the way guys, I think I'm spoiling you with long chapters because I have no idea how long a chapter is supposed to be anymore.
…I still feel weird about this chapter because it's so much shorter. But, I thought it made more sense to divide them.
You would think it would be easy to finish these two chapters since I already have them written, but hah!
No.
I wrote it in the past tense for some godforsaken reason, and editing that was not fun. And then, since I wrote this quite some time ago, I actually had Kaname and Zero forming the bond under different circumstances, and um, well…that argument scene you saw there is…um…let's say tamer and shorter than the original.
I feel iffy about these two chapters. I don't know why pfft, but I do. Oh, well.
As always, please comment/review/follow/favorite/ do whatever you want down below! Thank you so much for all your kind comments and for taking the time to read the story!