"Lane?" Rory called as she opened the door to her friend's home. It was quiet but she had a key and Lane had told her to use it. The quiet was weird considering three children lived here.
Finally, Lane walked out of a bedroom and nearly jumped out of her skin when she saw Rory standing there. "You scared me."
"Sorry," she waved to her friend. "You said I could come in whenever -"
"Oh, I know," Lane nodded, laughing a little at her jump. "I guess I was just surprised."
Rory nodded, too. "Where's Zach? And the kids?"
"Zach took the boys out," she answered. "Christina, however, I just her got to sleep."
"I'll be quiet then," she said as Lane motioned towards the kitchen. Rory sat beside her on a stool and Lane grabbed snacks from the center of the counter.
"Spill," Lane directed as she opened her pringles.
Rory looked up from her own Pringles and gave her a confused look. "Spill what?"
"Oh, come on," Lane laughed. "You and Jess!"
"You know we're together again," she said, still confused.
Lane sighed, another laugh escaped. "Yes but I need details. More than we made out after the kids went to sleep or about talking every day."
"There's not much else," Rory slumped on her stool. "I barely see him besides when he came when I was sick.
Lane's eyes bugged. " I didn't hear of this."
Rory chewed slowly. "I thought I told you he came to New York."
Lane shook her head. "Nope. You didn't. So tell me everything."
She swallowed the chip and smiled. "I'm not sure how he found out I was sick but he did. Maybe my mom told him. But I woke up in the middle of the night to knocking and there he was. Smirking and smiling, holding soup and medicine. I thought I was dreaming."
"That sounds so romantic," she gushed and grabbed another chip.
"It was," Rory nodded. "I was so surprised and happy and there he was..."
"Oh my god," Lane gasped. "You slept with him!"
"What?" Rory asked.
"You slept with Jess!" Lane accused. "You two finally had sex and I'm only hearing of this now! I thought I was your best friend!"
"You are!" Rory defended. "And we didn't, I swear."
"Really?" Lane asked suspiciously.
She nodded. "Really."
Lane hit her on the arm and got an 'ow' in response. "Why not?"
"Excuse me?" Rory said as she rubbed her arm. Lane hit harder than she thought she would.
"Why haven't you slept with him?" Lane asked as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"Oh," Rory opened her mouth then closes it again. "We've only been back together a few weeks."
Her friend rolled her eyes. "So? You know you want to. And more than that, you know how you feel about him and how he feels about you."
"Actually, I don't," Rory admitted. "I have no idea how Jess feels about me. We haven't exactly came out with the extent of feelings."
"Hmm," Lane mused.
Rory stared at her. "What does that mean?"
Lane put the lid back on her Pringles. "It means that he's loved you since he was seventeen years old. If you think you don't know he feels then you're crazy."
"Feelings change," Rory said. "Who knows if its love after all this time? I really hurt him before."
"Right," Lane nodded. "Philadelphia."
"Philadelphia," Rory repeated as if the word said all.
Lane cut in before her thoughts sent downhill. "There is something about that, though."
Rory closed her own lid and slid it besides Lane's closed Pringles. "What's there about it?"
"Its simple really," Lane shrugged. "If Jess didn't love you, he wouldn't have been so hurt by what happened in Philadelphia. And if he fell out of love with you over that but still wanted to be with you now after all this time...I don't know. I think he loves you."
Rory considered her friend's words for a moment before speaking again. "So you're saying that Jess..."
"Always has been and always will be in love with you," Lane finished for her.
Rory turned in her stool so she could lean against the counter. "Huh."
She remembered a night eleven years ago, at the Firelight Festival, dressed up after coming from a fancy dinner with her grandparents. She remembered standing on line and turning to her right and how Jess was just standing there.
She remembered running away from him and how Jess had followed her, no matter how crazy they looked. Her speech rushed out of her mouth, one she had been waiting to say if - when - she had ever seen him again. Rory honestly thought she never would again.
But then the three words tumbled out of Jess' mouth. Three words she never expected to hear from him of all people and her heart had stopped. Her feet rooted to their spot while she stood there. He walked away and she did nothing, just watched Jess drive away from her and out of her life again.
She remembered her mother coming up to her after, wondering about the food Rory had not gotten. Rory pointed out her new jewelry and Lorelai told her Luke gave it to her. She wondered when the two of them would own up to their feelings about each other. Then later when she crawled into her childhood bed, she had cried into her pillow, thinking of Jess and his confession and how she still wasn't over him.
"Rory?" Lane asked and snapped her out of her thoughts.
"Uh-huh?" She asked.
"You spaced out a little," she told her. "Was it something I said?"
"Yes and no," she replied honestly. Lane just nodded and waited. "I was thinking of when Jess told me he loved me."
"When he came back only to leave again," Lane recalled.
Rory nodded and looked down, the feelings she felt that night stuck in her mind. "You really think he never -"
"Without a doubt," she answered before Rory could say 'stopped'.
...
"Are you sure?" Lorelai asked Rory with a serious look on her face.
"Yes," Rory nodded. "I have to be."
"If you're not sure..." Lorelai prompted.
Rory now shook her head. "I'm sure, Mom. Its not working."
"Okay," her mother leaned back in her chair. "Only if your really sure."
"It hasn't worked for a while," Rory sighed. "We tried. We tried hard."
Lorelai understood trying and not making it work in the end. "I'm sorry, sweets. I know you wanted it to work."
She nodded absentmindedly. Rory had never expected why their downfall happened. That was the biggest surprise of all - she never saw this kind of end coming.
Her mother decided to ask the silent question that'd been hiding in the air for days, weeks now. "What happened? You guys seemed good. The last time I saw you two together, it seemed good."
"It was," she agreed, leaving out how her smiles had been fake and his was probably caused by alcohol. "But it just wasn't enough."
"Being happy wasn't enough?"
"Being together."
Lorelai nodded. "What does that mean?"
"It means..." She took a deep breath. "That being together, it wasn't enough anymore to just be the two of us. And we would fight and make-up and its not okay. It wasn't worth the pain."
"Okay," Lorelai agreed, remembering her past relationships that didn't work out. They hadn't been enough for her, either, at least not the way Luke was enough. "I just want you to be sure, sweets."
Rory looked over at her mother. Words were bubbling in her mind, wanting to come out. She had never told her mother anything remotely close to why her and Logan weren't working anymore. His drinking was a part of it but not the whole story. She wanted to tell her but when she thought about getting the words out, Rory couldn't breath.
After their big fight in early morning hours, when Rory had walked out and Logan left the note saying he would get help, she believed it would be better. Logan had stayed at a facility for a month, it wasn't enough for him, and he checked himself out. He didn't tell Rory he left earlier than planned and she thought maybe they could work on them. And it hadn't.
Before long, he was back to partying and drinking especially when Colin and Finn were in town. That had become more and more frequent lately and she tried to pretend it didn't bother her when she smelt the alcohol on his breath. It turned out her holding it in just made it worse and led to an even bigger blowout between the husband and wife.
Logan had once again brought up Jess, saying that he knew there was something still there. Rory denied it repeatedly and he just yelled and told her seeing them so friendly the same day they found out about the baby made his stomach churn. He had even again accused her of cheating on him and that the baby wasn't his at all but Jess'. She had slapped him and told him fuck you as the hot tears came down her cheeks.
Their words only got worse from there. Swears were thrown at each other, words Rory had never expected him to call her, words she had never expected to call him. More accusations crossed but it was never violent aside from Rory throwing a vase against the wall when Logan tried to get another beer. After hours of screaming and crying, Rory announced she was done. Logan thought she meant for the night and told her they can talk in the morning.
Rory stomped her foot and covered her face, only to reveal a red, puffy face when she pulled them away. He was mystified when she admitted she was done with him, done with their marriage and how she couldn't do this anymore. It had hurt too much and if they stayed together any longer, they for sure would hate each other.
Logan was silent as she grabbed a suitcase and packed some of her stuff. He watched her leave and she told him she would be back for the rest of it. He also promised he'd get out of her way when she picked them up, finally understanding just what she was saying. Rory touched his face and told him she was sorry.
When Rory looked at her mother now, she couldn't imagine telling her all of this. She had wanted to so badly but Lorelai didn't know what she went through, she didn't know how much her daughter had been hurting. Rory figured she could hurt on her own instead of making her mother cry as well. She promised herself she would do it later, it wouldn't stay a secret from her best friend forever.
"I'm sure," she half-smiled, trying to assure her mother. Lorelai handed her a pen and Rory signed her name on the divorce papers.
...
Jess pulled his car onto the street with Luke's diner in sight. He was hours early and couldn't wait to see his uncle, Evan and even Lorelai. A smile was brought to his face as he imagined seeing Rory again for the first time in two weeks. This distance was killing him already and they'd only just gotten back together. There was a spot right in front of the diner, where Luke had usually parked his truck before he started parking it at his now home with Lorelai.
Jess pulled his key out of the ignition and opened the door. He stuffed his hands in his pocket as he walked to the door and opened it, seeing a head of brown hair and smiling. Luke noticed him first and a smile grew on his face which caused Rory to turn around. The look on her own face was enough to stop his heart. Her smile was so big and her blue eyes lit up at the sight of him.
Rory was out of her seat quickly and ran up to Jess. He stood still in front of the door. If any customers had tried to get in, they wouldn't be able to get through. Her arms came around his neck as his went to her back. Jess held Rory to him and buried his face in her hair. She whispered to him, "I missed you."
"Missed you, too," he told her.
He noticed Luke came around the counter and was standing behind Rory. "You're early."
Jess' arms loosened around Rory and she turned to face Luke, too but their arms were still around each other in some way. "Thought I'd surprise you."
"Nice surprise," Luke commented.
Jess grinned and looked at Rory, who was smiling as well, her happiness to see him unable to hide. He finally noticed the other patrons in the diner and out of the corner of his eye, saw Miss Patty and Babette who were smiling and nodding. He could only guess what that was about.
"Where's Lorelai?" Jess found himself asking when Rory's mother or her son were nowhere in sight.
"She's at the inn," Luke answered. "We brought Evan to school a little while ago then she headed out."
"She'll be here later," Rory added.
Jess nodded. "Should I get myself set up upstairs?"
"Right, I forgot to tell you," Luke said in a louder voice than usual.
"Forgot to tell me what?" Jess asked.
Luke replied, "We're back at the house. If you want to stay there, too, that'd be okay. But I thought you might prefer the apartment anyway."
"Apartment's good with me," he shrugged. "I'm going to bring this up."
Rory let her arms fall from around him as did he and followed him out to his car. Jess opened the trunk and grabbed a duffel bag out. "Some things don't change, do they?"
"It's just easier," he shrugged again. "I'm not a big fan of suitcases."
She nodded. "I'm staying in my old room at Mom's. But if you want..."
He shook his head, smirking. "You don't have to do that."
"Why not?" She pouted. "I'd keep you company."
"I don't think that's a good idea," he told her and walked to her after closing the trunk, wrapping his arms around her waist.
"Why not?" Rory asked again.
His voice turned low and husky and it made her shiver. "Because if I have you that close to me again, there's no telling what I might want to do."
She moved to the shiver, almost melting. "And what would be wrong with that?"
Jess let out a sound. It was something like a groan and she wanted to smile triumphantly. "Probably many many things."
She pouted which only made him laugh. "Fine. But if you change your mind..."
"You'll definitely be the first to know," he kissed her quickly.
They unwrapped themselves from each other and Jess grabbed his bags. He brought them to the apartment as Rory stayed downstairs to finish her coffee. The old apartment never failed to remind Jess of being a teenager. Here he was, thirty-one years old and still got taken back to the time when he was less than good.
His bags dropped beside his old bed and he sat down on it. It was only Friday morning and he was early. The conversation he had with Matt after the phone call with Rory was still replaying in his mind. Jess couldn't help but think how right his friend was. That thought made him want to slam his fist into a wall. He refused to believe Matt. It didn't matter they were friends. That was exactly why he headed out to Stars Hollow hours earlier than they expected him.
A soft knock on the door made Jess look up. Despite thinking of that conversation, he couldn't help the smile that formed on his lips when he saw Rory open the door. "Hey."
"Hey," he stood up off the bed and started walking closer to her. "I was just going to head back down."
She smiled. "Okay but before you do, I need to do something."
Jess gave her a confused look. He didn't understand what she meant until her arms went around his neck again and she leaned forward. The kiss started off sweet but it turned more urgent as soon as his hands found their way to Rory's lower back. They felt like fire scorching her and she couldn't get enough of the heat.
The two of them melted into each other, just standing there, kissing. Neither moved from their position in the room and neither actually wanted to. It felt perfect, just being there together. Jess' hands traveled lower and she giggled against his lips. Back in high school, his hands would always roam lower once they were on her back and just like then, she loved the feel of his hands on her. It made Rory imagine his hands on every part of her.
Jess smiled against her lips upon hearing the giggle. He remembered that sound well and his hands tightened on her in response. She pulled away this time, reluctantly. Rory wasn't sure if she could stop herself from canceling their part in her grandmother's dinner to stay here with Jess like this unless she did it right now. When her face moved away, his hands were still on her bottom and it made her want to laugh.
"A proper greeting," she explained.
Jess noticed she bit her lip in shyness and smirked at her. He thought it was both adorable and sexy at the same time. "Should definitely have more of those."
"We will," she promised. "But now we should go back down before Luke looks for us."
He scoffed. "We're not teenagers anymore. He can't come charging up to make sure we're dressed."
Rory flushed Scarlett and another smirk broke out on his face. "I'm sure he still doesn't want us be doing anything up here."
"It's not his place anymore," Jess disagreed, pulling her body closer to him. "We can do whatever we want now."
"That may be," she agreed. She was having a hard time keeping her heartbeat under control when he held her like this and said those things. "But still. We really should head down."
"Fine," he groaned and gave her a small peck. "Spoilsport."
Rory gasped in mock offense. "I'm hurt."
"You'll live," he teased and kissed her again.
She hit him on the shoulder, gaining a quiet 'ow' and smiled brightly as they went back downstairs to the diner.
Luke looked at them suspiciously when they came down but said nothing. Jess and Rory ate breakfast together at a table much to his objections. Rory had wanted it feel like a real breakfast date and he couldn't turn that down.
Her phone rang soon after finishing their food and Rory ran out after mouthing 'work' to Jess. He laughed because his uncle still had that ridiculous sign for no cell phones up in 2015. Cell phones were all people had nowadays. It seemed hilarious to him to try to fight it but he said nothing.
Luke came over to him at his table and sat. "So you and Rory..."
"Yes?" He asked.
"Its going good?" Luke asked. "The two of you?"
"Really good," he nodded.
"Good." Luke looked at a lost for words, unsure how to have a conversation about dating with Jess even after all this time. "It's great you came for tonight. I'm sure it means a lot to her."
"It's nothing," Jess shrugged.
"Its Emily Gilmore," Luke replied. "That's not nothing. And I know you two still don't get along so coming tonight, which is sure to be fun since she's going to hear how the two of you are back together..."
Shit, Jess hadnt thought of that. He sighed. "Rory wants me to do it. I'll take whatever happens."
Luke gave his nephew a small smile. "Wow. If I needed any more proof of how much you'd grown up, that would be it."
Jess scoffed. "Oh, shut up."
Luke just seemed to find that more amusing. He stood up to go back to work bit turned first to him. "I'm happy for the two of you. It always seemed like something was there."
"Could say the same to you, Uncle Luke," he smirked.
Luke ducked his head and went back to work without a comment back. Jess found that amusing now and looked out the window to see Rory hang up her phone and come back inside.
...
After breakfast, Rory asked Jess if he wanted to go down to the inn with her to see her mom. He politely told her he was gonna stay with Luke and help out. She accepted and kissed him goodbye but instead of staying at the diner, Jess walked down to the bridge. His phone rang not even five minutes after he got there.
"What?" He asked the person on the other line. Jess was prepared to feel guilty if it had been Rory but it turned out to be someone else.
"Hey, man," Chris said.
Jess sighed. He really hoped it wasn't about Matt. "Problem at work?"
"No," he told him. "I was calling because Matt came to me this morning to say you left town?"
"I did," he confirmed. "There's some dinner thing Rory wants me to go to tonight. I was coming anyway."
Chris was silent for a few seconds than he spoke. "So its true."
Jess closed his eyes and groaned. "Not you too."
"I didn't say anything," Chris defended.
"You didn't have to," Jess said once he opened his eyes. "Is this another she broke your heart, this is a mistake conversayion? Because if yes, Matt already covered that."
"Shit," he heard his friend whisper. "He said that?"
"Yeah so you're gonna have to excuse me if I don't want to have it again," Jess said sarcasticly.
"Shit," he repeated. "I'm not gonna say that."
Jess nodded, a bitter taste still on his tongue from when he said what Matt had. "Good to know."
"I guess I don't blame you for getting the hell out of dodge," Chris said. "What Matt said, he was out of line."
"It was," Jess agreed. "But for the record, people are probably saying the exact same thing to her about being with me again. I fucked up even more than she did."
"He still shouldn't have said it," his friend told him. "I get he's trying to be a friend and we saw what happened last time but he had no right to tell you its a mistake."
Jess stared out at the water and threw a rock at it. He liked the way it seemed to have its own path despite the fact that someone put it on it. "I keep thinking, 'what if it is?' You know?"
Chris sounded like he was shaking his head. "What? You can't be serious."
"Its not thinking I'm the one making a mistake," Jess explained. "I keep thinking she is and what the hell she even wants to do with me."
"Come on, man," Chris sighed. "You're letting what Matt said get to you."
"Its not just about that," he explained. "I fucked up so much. And no matter how much time passes or how much I think I changed, I feel like I'm still this stupid seventeen year old kid who doesn't treat her as good as I should have."
"What does she say?" Chris asked. When Jess didn't answer, he continued. "I mean, you did talk to her about this right?"
"No," he snapped. "Why does she need to know I think she deserves more but I can't let her go?"
Chris hmm-ed on the other end of the line. "Let me guess - you're being self-pitying because you don't think you deserve to be happy."
"That's not it," Jess answered.
"Right," Chris said sarcastically. "Because she's even given you any hint that she wants better than you?"
Jess didn't speak. His mind was far off to the night of the babysitting when Rory told him she had wanted him. Then it traveled to New York a week later when Jess had told her he wanted to be the man she deserves and Rory answered with three words that made him actually want to believe her - you already are.
"No," he finally answered. "She hasn't."
"Then shut up," Chris laughed. "You have a girlfriend. Not just any girlfriend either but an incredibly hot one who just happens to be the girl you always wanted. So suck it up."
Jess laughed, too at his friend's words. "You're right."
"Damn straight I am," Chris said.
Jess laughed again, feeling some of the wondering weight come off of his shoulders. Chris was right. He wasnt going to ruin a good thing - fuck, the best thing actually - just because he was stupid. Maybe there was hope for him after all.
...
Before anyone knew it, it was almost time to go down to Hartford. Lorelai had picked Evan up from school and Luke out Lane in charge of the diner. Jess stayed on the bridge for about another half hour before coming back. Rory wondered what was on his mind but resisted asking. She wasn't sure she wanted to know before dinner.
"You okay?" Rory asked Jess before they headed out. They had decided to take two cars - Luke and lorelai were taking Evan and Jess was driving Rory in his car.
"Yeah," he nodded. "I'm good."
She noticed something in his expression. "Nervous?"
"Is it that obvious?" He smirked.
She kissed his cheek, laughing. "Only a little."
Jess turned to her, putting a hand on her waist. "Does she know we're together again?"
Rory ducked her head and he knew the answer. He sighed and looked down too. "Its not that I don't want to."
"You don't have to explain anything to me," he told her.
"I want to," she gave him a smile. "We haven't talked as much in the past couple of years, to be honest. So the thought of telling her I'm with somebody great..."
"...makes you feel guilty," he finished for her. "I understand that."
She felt eternitly grateful that he understood what she meant. "Without grandpa...its different. She's different. I'm different, mom's different. We haven't kept Friday night dinners since then."
"That's understandable, too," he told her. "All of it."
She kissed Jess softly. "Thank you."
His eyes fluttered and it made her smile. "For what?"
Rory shrugged. "Just thank you."
"You're welcome," he said and kissed her again.
"Hey!" Lorelai yelled as the three of them walked out of the diner and spotted the two standing by Jess' car. "Quit making out and let's get a move on!"
"We weren't making out," Rory pouted.
"Fine, quit k-i-s-s-i-n-g," she sang the letters like the old song. "We got to go now or Mom will think we're standing her up."
"Yes, ma'am," Jess saluted.
Rory and Luke laughed as Lorelai made a face that was definitely not pleased. Evan walked joufully to the car, oblivious to his mother's reaction. "Don't call me ma'am."
Jess hid his laugh. "Got it."
The three got into Luke's truck and Rory laughed. "Unto the breach then?"
He kissed her again which gained them a honk of the Luke's horn. "Unto the breach."
A/N: just one flashback this chapter but I hope it gave a little more insight to what happened to Rory's marriage to Logan. And I really do enjoy writing present day so I hope you all dong mind too much :) and as always thank you for reading, reviewing, anything. You guys are the best.