Rory tossed and turned in her bed. Her mind was too restless for sleep no matter how much she needed it. Sighing again, she turned over and looked at the clock beside the bed. It was 2:30 in the morning and still she hadn't really slept.
With another groan, Rory fisted her hands and brought them down on the sheets. The ceiling was dark and boring. There was nothing there to keep her attention as she stared up at it. She grabbed her phone off the side table and scrolled through her contacts.
At first, she considered calling him. Another look at the time told her she would just be waking him up if she called. Instead, Rory's fingers typed up a quick 'can't sleep' and sent it. She sighed, frustrated at her mind for not shutting off.
Seconds later, her phone chimed in response. She looked over at it and couldn't help the smile at the two words back. 'Me either.'
Now that she knew she wouldn't be waking him up if she called, Rory dialed the familiar number until she heard a ring. The rings didn't last long and she soon heard his voice.
"I was hoping you'd call," he said in a husky voice that mixed with tiredness. The sound of it definitely made her not think of sleep.
Rory smiled into the phone. "I didn't want to wake you."
"I'm awake," he confessed. "Didn't want to wake you, either."
"I guess we both were thinking the same thing," she replied.
"I was thinking of being home," Jess admitted.
"You are home," Rory said.
"Nah," he answered. "Philadelphia isn't home anymore."
She felt the smile grow wider. "And where is home then?"
"You're gonna make me say it?" He asked.
Rory nodded. "Yes. I am. So tell me, Jess Mariano, where is home?"
"Jeez," he muttered then spoke up. "With you."
"That's all I wanted to hear," she whispered.
Jess was silent and it made her wonder what was going through his mind. She didn't have much time to wonder because he spoke again. "You wanna talk about whatever's bothering you as long as we're both up?"
She hated that he knew her so well at times like this. Instead of admitting what was on her mind, she countered, "What makes you think something's bothering me?"
He laughed. "Because I know you. And I know that when you can't sleep, its because you can't get something off your mind."
"Well, what about you?" She responded. "You're awake. What's bothering you?"
"I'm a brooding novelist," he said. "My kind can't always sleep."
"Jess," she whined.
He didn't fall for it and mimicked her tone. "Rory."
"Something came for you," she admitted and bit her lip.
"What was it?" He asked curiously.
"A notebook," she sighed.
His response was brief. "Huh."
"I didn't mean to look in there, I swear," Rory babbled. "I thought they were sending you something work-related and you could need it and then I shut it immediately."
"You read it?" Jess didn't sound mad, she noticed. He just sounded curious still.
"Yeah," she said hesitantly. "Are you mad?"
"No," he told her.
"But I looked through your mail," she said. Rory wasnt even sure why she was defending his right to be mad. She should instead be just glad he wasn't. "I opened something that you clearly don't want me seeing."
"How do you know I didn't want you see it?" He asked.
"Because..." She couldn't think of a reason to be honest. "Well, it was in your writing!"
"I know," he agreed. "I did write it."
"You aren't mad?" She asked again.
Jess laughed on the other end. "No."
She made a face, confused. "Why not?"
"You want me be mad at you?" He was amused.
"No," she shook her head. "Of course not. But...why aren't you?"
"Because one, you didn't read it," he started. "Two, because even if you had, I asked them to send it so you could."
"What?" She was stunned. "You...you want me to read it?"
"Well, I preferred to show you it myself," he was teasing and she knew it. "But yes, I did."
Rory sat up straighter and leaned against her headboard. "Well...why?"
"Because after dinner with your dad and...afterwards," he trailed off and she put her head down sadly as she remembered the look on his face after he heard her with her mom. "I started thinking."
"About what?" She asked worriedly. "Us?"
"Me," he corrected.
Now Rory was even more worried. "What about you? Jess, I'm sorry about what I said, okay? I need you to know that."
"I do know that," he said. "But I also know how I was back then. And I never want you be reminded of that guy again."
"He wasn't all bad," she muttered.
Jess ignored that. "That notebook has two years of my life written in it. Its where I started The Subsect. I want you to know that guy, for real."
Her vision blurred and she felt like she would cry. "So there's stuff about me in there?"
"There's a lot about you in there," he admitted. "And I want to be honest with you, Rory. I want you to read it and I don't want you to ever have to see the old me again."
"The old you wasn't all bad," she said. "He had some good points and I do see those points in the new you."
"Fine," he scoffed as if he didn't believe her there was good parts. "The bad parts, then."
"Jess..." She didn't know what to say. What could she say? He was giving her a piece of himself, his old self, that he his for years. "I don't know what to say."
"Don't say anything," he said. "It's late. Go to sleep. We'll talk later."
"Okay," she nodded, not really wanting to let him go just yet. "I love you."
She could almost hear his smile. "Love you, too. Now sleep."
"You, too," she laughed. "Bye."
They hung up then she smiled to herself. The nagging side of her head broke through however and told her she needed to tell him about Jen and soon.
Her thoughts turned restless again as the guilt hit her but Rory still laid down. She thought of her birthday that was coming in two days and how Jess promised he would be back in time.
Meanwhile in Philadelphia, Jess placed his phone on the table besides the bed. He smiled to himself as he thought of how when he woke up, he would be on his way back to New York.
...
The traffic was insane, Jess thought. He figured it was revenge for driving into the city from one city in morning hours. Silently, he cursed his decision and waited for the cars to move.
Finally, when he made it home, it was closer to dinner than lunch. Jess threw his keys down and walked around the empty apartment. He looked for any sign his girlfriend was home and came up empty.
"Rory?" He called out. "Are you here?"
He was met only with silence. He checked the messages to see if anyone had called and made plans. There was one from her mother asking what her birthday plans might be. He smirked as he remembered his offer to go with her to Stars Hollow. He had meant it when he said being with her would make it better.
Finally, his eyes rested on a big, yellow envelope that sat in the coffee table. It was hastingly taped back together and it was than more obvious she had opened it. He'd have known even if Rory hadn't told him. Jess walked over to and sat on the couch, picking it up.
It was just as he remembered it. He wondered what Rory had thought when she looked at it. Did she see past Jess or did she see someone broken who had to write what he had felt?
He flipped through the pages, as he had so many times before. Jess wondered if Rory had read it or if any words had caught her eye? He sighed and shoved it back into the envelope.
Again, his mind wondered where Rory was and he got an idea. He grabbed his phone and called Luke.
"Hello?" The gruff voice on the other end answered.
"It's Jess," he said. "I have a question."
"What's that?" He now sounded amused. "Something happen over in Philadelphia?'
"I'm not in Philly anymore," Jess told him. "I'm in New York."
"You're back?" He sounded surprised.
Jess nodded. "I'm back. And Rory's not here so I was hoping to surprise her."
"Okay," Luke said. "Why call me?"
"Because Rory isn't a fan of a big deal being made about her," he replied. "And I was wondering what Lorelai would say to us coming into town for her birthday."
Luke almost laughed. "You had to ask that? The answer should be obvious."
"I know," he shook his head. "Stupid question. Can she set something up in town?"
"Like what?" He asked. "A party?"
"Exactly like a party," he nodded again. "Like she used to. Rory's been working a lot and then the stuff with her dad..."
"Yeah, I know," Luke agreed. "Lorelai told me what happened. The short story, at least, and even that wasn't good."
He looked up at the ceiling before replying. Jess wondered how much Lorelai even knew of that night considering what happened afterwards. "So you know she needs a night where she just has a good time and forgets all of it."
"I'll ask her," Luke said. "We both know what the answer will be, of course."
"Yeah, we do," he laughed. "Thanks, Luke. I wanted to do it sooner but I wasn't sure when I'd be back and I know Rory has the day off..."
"So she would have went to see if you were in Philadelphia," he finished for his nephew.
"Yeah," he whispered.
Luke answered quickly. "I understand and I got it. I'll tell her now because you should know she's right here and looking at me all curiously."
"Is this about Rory's birthday?" He heard Lorelai shout.
"Yes," Luke answered her.
"Ooh!" She said anxiously. "And you mentioned a party. Are we setting up a party?"
"See what you did?" His uncle asked into the phone.
"Sorry," Jess laughed. "I have to go. I'm gonna surprise her with dinner when she comes home."
"Don't you think you're enough of a surprise since you weren't back when she went to work?" Luke countered.
Lorelai gasped. "He's back?! Rory is gonna be over the moon."
Jess laughed at her cheerfulness that once upon a time never would have happened. He was glad Lorelai not only could stand him, they were actually friends in their own way, but that she accepted his relationship with her daughter.
"I got to go," Luke told him. "She might go overboard now."
Jess nodded, a smirk in his face. "Yeah, me too. Good luck."
"Thanks," Luke replied and they hung up.
Jess kept the grin on his face and went to look around the kitchen. The food he was looking for wasn't in there so he grabbed his keys and phone and was out the door to pick up a few things.
...
Rory almost dropped the binder in her arms as she searched for her keys. Leslie had given her past articles to take home and review then to show to Jen tomorrow. She didn't understand why Jen couldn't just take them home but she smiled and took the binder anyway.
"Come on," she groaned as she gripped one arm around it and the other searched her purse. The door opened and she gasped in surprise. Rory was terrified that someone was in her apartment.
The terror only lasted seconds as she heard a familiar voice. "Need some help?"
"Jess!" She smiled widely. The binder almost slipped out of her hands and Jess grabbed it from her to prevent just that. "What are you doing here?"
"I really wanted a hot dog from a street vendor," he teased as they walked inside.
She shook her head, still smiling. "I thought you would be gone at least a few days."
Jess set her binder down on the coffee table and shrugged. "Turns out, they only needed me for the open house."
"This morning...when I called you," she asked. "You knew then? And didn't tell me?"
"Isn't a surprise nicer?" he grinned.
"Not what I almost had a heart attack of who could be in my apartment," she was still smiling.
He walked over to her. "Next time, I'll try not to give you a heart attack."
"Next time?" She asked as she put her arms around his neck. "I don't think you're ever allowed to leave again, Mister."
"Missed me, huh?" He smirked.
Rory shrugged in return. "Only a little."
He kissed her softly and moved away sooner than she'd have liked. "Me, too."
She leaned her forehead to his and smiled. So this is what real and true happiness felt like, she found herself thinking. Her thoughts traveled back to her marriage to Logan and she reflected how different this felt. This felt...right, like they were always meant to end up here, together.
Suddenly, the scent of well cooked burgers lifted through the air and she wrinkled her nose. "Is that what I think it is?"
Jess smiled at her. "I made you dinner."
"You made me burgers," she stated.
"Yes," he answered.
"God, I love you," she laughed and kissed him hard. His arms came around her back as he laid his palms flat on the small of Rory's back. Her fingers tangled in his hair and she moaned a little. She had missed kissing him.
He broke away first, the grin still on his face. "Come on. Let's eat."
She nodded and let him lead her to the table by the hand. She sat down while Jess put the food on dishes and sat down across from her. Rory couldn't help the smile on her face as she watched him and ate her dinner.
...
Neither one of them mentioned the notebook now that Jess was home. It laid on the table as an unspoken elephant. Last night, after dinner, the two of them had been too preoccupied. They had made love until the time got too late for a good night's sleep.
Even then, she snuggled up to Jess and he wrapped his arms around her. Rory listened to his heartbeat beneath her ear for a while before managing to finally fall asleep. She noticed Jess had a smile on his face before the slumber had taken her over also.
She went to work the next day excited because not only was tomorrow her birthday but she convinced Leslie to let her off. Anything that needed to be done was going to be done at home. Rory had yet to call her mom and tell her she planned on coming for a visit.
In all honestly, she felt guilty. She had told her mother she'd be there for her pregnancy and so far, she had failed to do so. Lorelai had called her excitedly after each doctor appointment and each time she heard how good her unborn baby was doing, she made them write it down and posted it on the fridge.
Rory wanted to make up for it somehow. She knew just going home for her birthday wasn't enough but she had to try. Jess had been to Stars Hollow and with her mother during the past months more than she had.
The workday passed by fast and it was time for lunch. Walking outside and dialing her speed dial, the phone rang. A chipper Lorelai Gilmore came on the other end. "Hello, sweet loin child of mine."
Rory laughed. "What did I say about calling me that?"
"Maybe I was talking to Evan as I picked up," she replied.
"Uh-huh," Rory said skeptically. "And where is Evan?"
Lorelai groaned, defeated. "School."
"I knew it!" Rory gasped.
"Hey, I've been months without coffee," Lorelai whined. "I'm allowed to say anything I want to say."
"You've had coffee," Rory pointed out.
"Decaf," she groaned again. Rory imagined the face she would make as she said the word and laughed again.
"That's still coffee."
"Is not."
"Tell that to your husband," the younger girl grinned.
"Don't you think I have?" Her mother whined again. "I miss it. I miss how strong I used to make it. Can we tell baby how badly she owes me for this?"
Rory stopped walking, stunned. "She?"
"It's a guess," Lorelai replied. "I'm not actually sure of it being a boy or a girl yet but this pregnancy feels closer to when I had you than when I had Evan."
Rory smiled. "So you think its a girl?"
She knew Lorelai would be smiling, too. "You know my senses, babe. I can feel it."
"So I might have a little sister soon," she smiled bigger.
"Maybe," her mother corrected. "We haven't actually found out from the doctor so we might want to be sure before telling anyone."
"Mom!" She laughed. "I just - it feels very real to be talking about how my new sibling might be a little sister."
"Sorry to break it to ya, kid," Lorelai laughed. "But the bump I've been sporting beat me to that spot a while ago."
"I can't believe this," she said. "I never thought this would happen. All your trying - I'm so happy for you, Mom."
"Thanks, hon," she could hear the smile in her words. "It means a lot to hear you say that."
Rory shook her head. "Like I wouldn't be happy for you?"
Lorelai laughed once again. "More like you hear stories about the oldest child thinking they were a test child and I never want you to feel like that."
"Oh, believe me," her tone sounded less than amused. "I have felt like that. But not because of you."
"Your dad?" She simply asked.
She nodded. "Yep."
"Hun, I'm sorry," she told her. There was a moment of silence before she spoke again and it seemed like she was thinking if whether or not she should mention anything. "Your dad called me again."
Rory's good mood faltered. "Why does he still do that? Why does he run to you when he shouldn't and especially about me?"
"I don't know, sweetie," she said. "But he was worried."
"Worried," she scoffed. "Is that code for he doesn't like Jess and doesn't trust him?"
"I think he was worried he damaged his relationship with you for good," she answered.
"He did that years ago," she replied. "Back when he found out Sherry was pregnant and decided that child deserved a father more than I did."
"You love GiGi," Lorelai pointed out.
"Doesn't mean I love the situation," she muttered. "Mom, I'm sorry he put you in the middle of this. I am. But I think I need space from Dad, to figure out how I feel."
"He left New York," she explained. "He wanted to go talk to you again but I told him maybe he better not."
"Good," she said.
"You'll have to talk to him sooner or later," she explained. "He's your dad."
"Funny," she scoffed. "Does he know that?"
Lorelai made a sound that seriously sounded like she wanted to agree. "I think he really is sorry."
"I don't know if I can forgive him, Mom," she said sadly. "Not this time. He's done too much."
"I know," she agreed. "Trust me, I do. I'd just hate to see you not have a relationship with him."
"I have Luke," she said.
"Always," her mother confirmed. She decided on a subject change when she next talked. "So your birthday is tomorrow..."
"Yes, it is," Rory beamed as she opened the door to the coffee shop she usually went to for lunch. "And Jess came back in time."
"Uh-huh, Jess," she murmered.
"What's that tone?" She wondered. "I thought you liked Jess."
"Like seems like a strong word," she countered.
"Is something up?" She asked then gasped. "He's planning something, isn't he?"
"Maybe," Lorelai answered. "Maybe not."
Rory gasped again and the people ahead of her on the line all turned to look at her. "Tell me what!"
"Can't," she said. "I'm under strict guidelines not to."
"Tell your husband I demand to know," she said.
"Not guidelines from the husband," she said. "Ask the boyfriend."
She pouted. "This is so unfair. He'd never tell me."
"Its one day," Lorelai reminded her. "You can wait one day, right?"
"Yeah, I guess," she was still pouring as the person ahead of her finished her order. "Mom, I have to go. I'll call you later, okay?"
"You better," she said. "Love you."
"Love you, too." Rory hung up the phone and stepped forward to place her order.
...
After an early dinner that night, Jess washed the dishes as Rory went to sit on the couch. She stared at the red notebook sitting in the yellow envelope and wondered why neither of them had mentioned it yet.
He noticed her stare and leaned against the counter, his back and palms against the cold top. "You can look at it, you know."
Rory turned her head out if her daze and looked at Jess. "What?"
He nodded toward the notebook. "You know you want to and I'm telling you to."
She bit her lip and as soon she felt the warmth of blood rush under her teeth, she stopped. "I feel like I shouldn't."
Jess pushed himself off the counter and walked closer to the couch. He stood not exactly in front of it but not off to the side either. "I'm telling you to."
"Has anyone ever read it?" She asked.
He shook his head. "Never."
"So I'd be the first?" She asked.
"One and only," he crossed his arms over his chest and waited.
Her eyes looked sad. "I'm afraid to."
"Why?" He asked.
"Because you said this was two years of your life," she admitted. "Times when I broke your heart and you broke mine. What if I can't deal with what I read?"
"Then you either skip it or we talk about it together," he replied cooly.
"Really?" She asked. "What about the past is the past?"
"If there's one thing I learned," Jess smirked without humor. "Its impossible to really keep everything in the past."
Rory turned her whole body to face him better. "Is this about the phone call?"
"No," he shook his head and went to sit beside her. "It's not about that. Its about you needing to see what was in my head back then. And...and I want to show you how I felt because I wasn't able to then."
"I don't need to know," she replied. "I know how you feel now. That's what matters."
He smiled at her and touched her cheek. She hadn't even realized a tear slipped down. "Then just keep it. Maybe you'll change your mind."
"I won't," she said confidently.
"Then humor me," he said.
Rory gave him a small smile. "Okay."
Jess kissed her lightly on the lips then moved closer to her, wrapping his arm around her. He kissed her forehead and she felt a smile cross his lips. "Hey, wanna do something?"
"You know you don't have to ask if you want to do anything," she almost blushed.
"Good to know," he half-laughed. "But not what I meant."
"Okay, what do you want to do then?" She asked.
"Take a drive with me," he shrugged.
"A drive?" She asked. "A drive where?"
"I don't know," he shrugged again.
Rory eyed him suspiciously. "You do know."
"Yes, I do," he nodded.
"Are you gonna tell me?" She asked.
He shook his head. "Nope."
"Is it far?" She asked.
"I can only suggest pack a bag," Jess grinned.
"Jess?" She stood up then turned back to him. "Thanks."
"For what?" He asked innocently.
"For everything," she said calmly.
"No problem," he shrugged again and she held in a laugh at his reaction. Rory rushed to their room and threw stuff in a bag, wondering if this had to do with anything her mother had said.
A/N: Hi! Just wanted to say thank you so much for still being here and reviewing! It means so much to see your thoughts on it even if it's just a few words. It's really nice to know people are actually reading, let alone enjoying this! And the next chapter is Rory's birthday :3 So get ready to go back to Stars Hollow!