Here's part 3. Thanks so much to everyone who's been reading and reviewing and everything in between. It's so helpful and encouraging for me to hear what you all think!
"Matthews, find your focus before practice this afternoon or don't bother coming at all."
"Yes Coach Kelly." Riley nods, sliding her notebook off of her desk as she stands. She blushes and doesn't meet the strict coach's eyes but doesn't fight her on the chastisement. She's right to be disappointed. The cheer squad is wrapping up a video review session during morning study hall and throughout the entire forty minutes her mind has been everywhere except for watching the tapes. She knows she needs to try harder but it's just so difficult to focus with everything going on.
After getting back to the city late in the afternoon the day before, Riley had spent most of night telling her parents about Texas while dodging around everything that had happened between her, Maya, and Lucas, and as in Texas, sleep hadn't come easy. All she wants is a couple of a nice, quiet days so everyone can step back and calm down before they talk things through. It shouldn't be that hard; the only people who know for sure what happened are the five of them who went to Texas, and even if things aren't exactly good between all of them it shouldn't raise too much of a fuss as long as they aren't acting like the world is ending. That's what she had thought anyways. But when she got to school that morning she found the fuss was already raised.
Riley has no idea why, but all morning everyone in the school has been buzzing, gossiping enthusiastically about what the group might have gone through on their trip to the Lone Star State.
She can't imagine where they even got the idea that anything had happened. She hasn't seen Maya or Lucas yet, so it's not like anyone has been witness to the tension between them. She knows Farkle would never say anything, which leaves Zay, but Lucas had been so annoyed about him spilling the beans about Judy the Sheep that he had promised Zay that if he ever started telling other people's secrets again (especially his) then he would have no choice but to tell everyone the party balloon story. Riley has no idea what that story might be, but it got Zay very on board with secrecy very quickly and she has her doubts that he would have started talking about anything other than Vanessa or the rodeo. And yet everyone's been staring and asking questions, and it's officially impossible to think about anything else.
"Don't worry about it, Sunshine." Jenkins slides next to her as they leave the classroom. "Everybody has problems paying attention at these things. Coach just happened to notice you today. She'll make you run a few laps during practice and it'll be like nothing ever happened."
Riley sighs. Of all the girls on the cheerleading squad, Jenkins is the friendliest and most supportive, and it means a lot to have her by her side. On most days when she's struggling through the choreography or to tackle a new trick a few of her kind words are all Riley needs to force herself to grin harder and try again; today her own positivity is feeling drained and she's trying to focus what she does have on believing things with Maya are going to work out, and instead of lifting her up Jenkins' words seem to float right past her. "Yeah, she'll forget being mad at me for this and go back to just resenting me for being the klutzy, no-rhythm interloper she didn't want to let on the team in the first place."
"Hey now!" Jenkins stops and grabs Riley's arm, frowning. "That doesn't sound like my favorite energizer bunny. Is everything OK?"
Riley quickly realizes her mistake. She shakes her head, runs a hand through her hair and finds a smile. "No, yeah, I'm fine. Just a little tired from the trip. I'll take a nap during lunch or my dad's class or something and be good as new."
"Are you sure?" Jenkins pushes. "I've seen you exhausted after tough practices and you never get so down on yourself."
"Of course!" Riley bounces on her heels and starts walking and although Jenkins joins her, she doesn't look convinced. After a brief moment's thought she decides that a small bit of honesty can't hurt, as long as the whole story doesn't get out. "I guess I'm just feeling weird being the center of attention like this." She admits. "I don't know if you've noticed but everyone thinks something happened in Texas."
Jenkins doesn't seem surprised in the slightest. In fact, she almost looks curious. "Didn't it?"
Riley knows her confusion takes over her face, but she can't help it. Where is everyone getting this idea from? "What makes you say that?"
Jenkins rolls her eyes and giggles. "Sunshine, everybody knows that when you go away on a school trip or a vacation with your friends that's when things go crazy. You have a special moment with someone, feelings get stronger...things always change when you go somewhere new."
Everybody knows that? Since when? Riley's a part of everybody and she definitely didn't know anything about this. If she had she might not have agreed to the trip. Or at the very least she would have tried to convince her parents to forbid her from going. None of this would have happened if she hadn't let her feelings get the better of her and make her go crazy, and apparently her feelings wouldn't have gone all haywire if she hadn't been in Texas.
Maya would probably be happier. It's easy for Riley to picture. Lucas would have been the one to talk to her about storming off at the rodeo and they probably would have spent the whole afternoon talking. Their time at the fire would have actually been their special moment and maybe they'd be nervous about telling her when they got back but Riley would reassure them that things were fine if that was how they felt (even if it would be a lie). One day she'd get over it and they would all eventually find their balance and happiness.
That's not what's going to happen now. Riley was too much in the picture for Lucas to consider Maya in Texas (even after she tried breaking their half-relationship off) and she can't pretend that she'd be OK with any similar change now, because all of their feelings are out there; everyone in the group knows that she and Lucas have serious feelings for each other, and that Maya has feelings for Lucas too. If he changed his mind now she could do her best to pretend that she was OK with it and everybody would still doubt her. And poor Maya would probably wonder why he suddenly changed his mind and if he would ever change it back. Not to mention she and Lucas can't embrace their feelings because it would be a complete betrayal of Maya. A good friend doesn't even think about the guy her best friend has feelings for like that. Even if Maya does come back to hear an apology, Riley's not sure that the group will be able to go back to how it was.
Why hadn't anyone warned her about how things change on special trips?
"Just tell someone about the trip and their interest will die down." Jenkins advises, laying a hand on Riley's shoulder. "I have to get to my Spanish class. Don't stress out about this, Sunshine. Talk about it or don't. By tomorrow someone else's drama will have their attention, and you'll be old news. I'll catch you at practice."
"Yeah, see you then."
Jenkins leaves, heading one way down the hall, and Riley keeps walking towards her locker, all the while thinking about Jenkins' advice. Just tell someone about the trip and interest will die down. There's just no way that would work. She knows from experience that the moment you give someone a little information, it just gives them more questions.
Like when they found out that she and Lucas went on a date. Nobody just said, 'Oh that's nice' and moved on. They asked if they were boyfriend and girlfriend. Everyone always wanted more.
Riley knows that this won't be any different; if people find out what happened in Texas the gossip will only make things worse. They'll want to know what she was thinking and exactly how everything happened and what was said and why she and Lucas aren't together now. Not to mention, if Maya was embarrassed when just the five of them knew, she'd be positively humiliated if the whole school were to find out. She'd probably never speak to Riley again.
So she can't tell the story and fuel the fire. She can't talk to Maya to see how she wants to handle it. She shouldn't talk to Lucas unless, at the very least, Farkle and Zay are there too unless she wants everyone else to just make up what they were talking about and they don't all have a class together until a whole class period from now (Farkle's in the math class that she's going to, but she'll have to get through that before they have art where everyone will be present). The only thing Riley can think of to do that won't make things worse is just grit her teeth at all of the chatter and do her best to focus in class until they can figure things out together. And who knows?
Maybe if everyone think she's the same as always they'll stop thinking anything happened to begin with and they won't need to figure anything out.
When Riley arrives at her locker to grab her math book, she stops several feet short; Maya's already at her locker, getting her things. Some of the other students in the hall notice and their whispers increase. It's all Riley can do not to turn and run to take refuge in the math classroom, textbook or no. The blonde turns around a moment later, hair swinging over her shoulder and it only takes a second for her eyes to find Riley's. Maya clenches her jaw and looks away just as quickly, before starting to walk away. As she passes Riley, her shoulder knocks into hers, but she doesn't say anything. It's like she's invisible, only somehow worse.
So much for everyone thinking things are the same as always.
Lucas isn't sure how, but by lunch most of the school seems to know exactly what happened in Texas. They know that Riley said she loved him like a brother and that when they were at a campfire she told him that Maya had feelings for him and gave them permission to date. They also know that not ten minutes later he told Maya that he had never thought of her like that. That at some point later in the night he and Riley must have made up because she was wearing his sweatshirt the next day.
That's the detail that really throws him. All five of them know the basics and could talk about them if they wanted (although Zay is the only real gossip in the group and Lucas has enough dirt on him to convince him to hold back when it's important) but only he, Riley, and Maya know about the sweatshirt. Lucas knows he didn't say anything. And based on how red Riley had gotten at the first mocking catcall from Missy Bradford, she didn't say anything either. Which leaves Maya, and that doesn't make sense either.
The story isn't just embarrassing for him or Riley. It's not great for her either. So why would she spread it around?
Lucas wants to ask. Maya's at a nearby table eating with Sarah and Darby and while she doesn't look as happy as she has at lunches with Riley, he doesn't think she looks nearly upset as she had the day before, or even earlier that morning. He might be more reluctant if she did, but as things stand the person facing the most scrutiny at the moment is Riley, and she doesn't deserve that. If Maya wants to throw crap at him he'll take it, but all Riley was trying to do was be a good friend. So he doesn't really care if confronting her will make things worse. He needs to know why she would tell everyone every single thing that happened between them when it's no one's business but theirs.
He leaves his half-finished tray on the table and stands. Ignoring the questioning looks from his friends, he starts to walk over. Lucas only gets halfway there before Mr. Matthews steps in front of him, a stern expression on his face.
"Mr. Friar, do you have a moment?"
He really doesn't, at least he doesn't want to, but Lucas doesn't consider himself to be in the position to disregard his teacher. Particularly when said teacher is also Riley's father and probably hearing the same rumors that the students are. "Uh...yeah. I guess. What can I do for you?"
"I've been hearing some very interesting things about what happened between you and Riley in Texas." Mr. Matthews says, guiding Lucas over to a spot away from the bulk of the tables. "Things about exchanged items of clothing that have very specific implications."
Lucas' mouth goes dry and he struggles to swallow. Crap, crap, crap. He can remember wishing for Mr. Matthews to learn the story and get involved, but that was before the story had grown and now he's cursing himself for even putting the thought out into the universe. Mr. Matthews probably wants to kill him. "Mr. Matthews, I know what people are saying, but nothing happened. I swear. I gave her my sweatshirt to sleep in but she took my room and I slept out in the living room. Nothing happened like people are saying. I would never-,"
"Lucas, you can relax." Mr. Matthews cuts him off. "I know how much you care about Riley and respect her and that at the very least, that piece of the story is nothing more than people's imaginations. But I did want to talk to you about it."
"I'm not sure I understand, sir."
"I was put in a similar position when I was about your age. I know it's a hard place to be."
Lucas wonders if Riley already knows this story since she's not nearly as upset at the way people are talking as he'd expect. She's definitely been embarrassed since the talk really got going but she hasn't seemed to be anything less than herself; maybe she already knows the sort of resolution that's on the way. He's going to ask for more information to help him gain some of that confidence (so far every time he thinks things with this whole mess are evening out they just get worse instead and it's definitely making it harder to maintain his own equilibrium) only Mr. Matthews keeps talking before he can.
"It's not always easy to do the right thing when everybody gets talking like this. It feels like people are going to talk whether you speak up or not, so why should you even bother?"
Lucas shakes his head. "I should bother because what they're saying isn't true. I just don't know how to make them listen."
Mr. Matthews smiles slightly and Lucas feels like he's passed some sort of test. "The people who matter will. And it will mean a lot to-," He continues to talk, and Lucas tries to pay attention, honestly he does, but out of the corner of his eye he notices a guy approaching the table where Riley is still sitting with Zay and Farkle. Charlie Gardner is approaching her, and Lucas always finds it hard to focus when Charlie is talking to Riley. Especially when they're close enough that he can hear.
"I wanted to talk to you because, well, people are talking." Charlie's saying. "I heard that you and Lucas aren't a thing anymore."
"I'm sure that's not the only thing you've heard." Riley crosses her arms over her chest, and looks more at the floor than she does at Charlie. She's standing instead of staying at the table or inviting him to sit with them, and Lucas wishes he knew what that meant.
"Yeah, but I think I know you and Friar well enough to know that some of what's going around is just ridiculous."
Riley looks up, eyes wide. "Oh. Well...thanks. Is that what you wanted to tell me?"
"Actually I wanted to talk to you about the Spring Fling." Lucas can almost feel his heart stutter at Charlie's words. This can't be happening again. "It's coming up next month."
"I know. I'm on the planning committee." Riley nods.
"Right. So you know how great it's going to be."
"I guess."
"Well, I was thinking that it could be even greater if maybe we went together." A long beat passes, and it seems like at least half the cafeteria has stopped their own conversations to turn and watch this discussion; even Mr. Matthews has realized that something's going on. "What do you say, Riley? Will you go to the Spring Fling with me?"
To an outsider, Riley looks totally frozen. Her mouth hangs open. It barely even looks like she's breathing. But Lucas can see her eyes darting around the room—to him, to Maya, back to Charlie, and he can practically hear the thoughts grinding and racing her head. It goes on for several seconds, long enough that a few of the onlookers start to point and lose all subtlety with the volume of their comments. Lucas is considering heading back over to interrupt and give her an out, reputations and perceptions be damned when she refocuses solely on Charlie and speaks up.
"That's very sweet of you Charlie, but...it wouldn't be fair to you if I said yes." She brushes her hair behind her ear. "You deserve someone who's...interested in dating, and can really appreciate all the great things you have to offer, and right now that's just not me. I'm really sorry."
Charlie waves the apology off. "Don't be. You can't force yourself to have feelings when they're not there. At least you were honest with me."
As the duo ends the conversation and Charlie leaves, Mr. Matthews grabs Lucas' attention once more. "These things have a way of working out, Lucas. Just keep your head, and be there for Riley. You know where to find me if you need anything."
He claps Lucas on the shoulder before he walks away, and Lucas makes his way back to the lunch table, his planned interrogation with Maya completely forgotten.
"I knew she's not as innocent as she acts."
"What a sneaky, little witch."
"I can't believe she did that to poor Maya."
All afternoon, throughout her classes, cheer practice and getting home, all Riley's been able to think about are the cruel whispers of her classmates. It had been one thing when they were wondering what had happened in Texas, and even when they had heard the story and were assuming the details of what happened, but things had changed after she turned down Charlie's Spring Fling invitation. Suddenly the story is different again, and everyone says that the only reason she told Lucas that he was like her brother and revealed Maya's feelings in Texas was to test him and make sure he's committed. And while most everyone had seemed perfectly willing to take her and Lucas' word that the sweatshirt thing was nothing more than a borrowed piece of clothing when they corrected the gossipers, for whatever reason, about half the school seems unwilling to grant her the same belief when it comes to this. It's all Riley can do to stand and face the eye rolls and snide comments. Sure, there are some people standing by her, but it's just as important for Zay and Farkle to make sure that Maya's doing all right and it's not like she can really accept any comfort from Lucas or everyone really will think that there's still something going on.
The worst part is, all she had to do was say yes to Charlie and it wouldn't have happened. When he had approached her in the cafeteria, Riley had known everyone was paying attention. The students, her dad, Maya...And it had been such an obvious solution: go with Charlie to the Spring Fling and it will be obvious that there's nothing between her and Lucas. But she couldn't do that to Charlie. Riley couldn't use someone like that, and found herself saying no.
The rest of the day...well, she'll never say it if anyone asks, but it sucks. All she wants to do now that she's home is throw herself into bed, curl up and feel sorry for herself, but she can't. There's no time. She has homework for several classes, she still needs to unpack her things from the trip and she's certain that at some point there's going to be a talk with her parents.
Riley decides to unpack first. Her mind just isn't in the right place for homework, nor does she want to think about what a conversation with her parents about this might look like. She turns on music, cranking the volume to try and drown out her thoughts, and sets to work.
With her bag on her bed, she opens it up and starts sorting through her clothes. Things she wore get tossed towards her hamper for laundry, things she didn't are placed in a pile up at the head of her bed where she can put them away later. Only a minute or so into her work Riley hears a soft knock at the window. She turns just in time to see her visitor crawling in.
"I hope you don't mind me stopping by. I just wanted to make sure you were OK."
Riley turns the music off and quickly scans the clothes that she's been tossing around, making sure that there's nothing too embarrassing visible before she replies. "I'll be fine. I mean...we learned a while ago not to listen to all that stuff, so..."
Lucas comes further into the room while she speaks until he's standing just in front of her."But this is a lot more than just some insecure bully, Riley. And you've got a lot going on besides that. It's OK if you're not OK."
"I'll be fine." Riley repeats. Her voice wavers, but she swallows and does her best to force some energy and confidence into it. "Maya's mad, but she knows me. She knows I wouldn't do anything like what they're saying. I'm sure if we let things calm down she'll come around. Just like you were saying yesterday." Despite her best efforts, she still has wipe at her eyes to brush a few tears away; she's not gonna break down and cry about this in front of anyone, but especially not Lucas.
"If you're sure...I just don't want you to think that you have to be."
For a moment as they stare at each other, Riley considers changing her mind and talking to him. Lucas is always so supportive and comforting; the best she's felt since this whole mess started was sitting out on the hammock with him. It feels like they've been having the same conversation over and over again while he tries to get her to talk and she tries to convince everyone that things are fine and will get better with just a little bit of time, and that's just one more thing that's circling around in her head making her feel sick. Maybe if she gives up the charade with him, it actually will get a little easier. Is it so wrong if she wants to be totally honest with someone? Even if it's just to be selfish and get a little comfort?
But then she sees the warmth in his eyes, nearly melts, and just as quickly realizes that being honest with him is going to lead exactly down the wrong path. She's just not strong enough right now to be around that and not fall right into his arms (and based on what's happened between them already there's very little question in her mind that something along those lines will happen). She turns back around, setting back to work at sorting through her things. "Lucas, I really appreciate what you're trying to do, but you can't keep cornering me for these private conversations."
"Well you're not talking to me at school."
"Eventually someone's gonna notice and think that something's going on." Riley continues as though Lucas hadn't just said anything.
"They already think that something's going on." Lucas moves next to her. "Pushing the rest of us away isn't gonna change that."
"I just don't want to-..." Riley drops off as she pulls the next item of clothing out of her bag, turning the worn material over in her hands. For a moment she can't figure out what it's even doing in her bag but then she remembers how upset she had been the morning before and how haphazardly she had packed. "Sorry." A nervous smile creeps up her lips. She turns and holds it out for him. "I didn't know I still had this."
Lucas' eyes go from her hers, to her hands back to her face. "Is that my sweatshirt?"
The nervous smiles gives way to a blush. "Yeah. I'd offer to wash it for you but I'm not sure when I'll be able to get it back to you if I do."
"You should keep it." Lucas pushes her hand back towards her, smiling. "I'm sure it looks better on you anyways." His phone chimes in his pocket and he pulls it out to glance at the display. "That's my dad. He wants me home early for a family dinner thing. I should probably get going. Call me if you need anything?"
Riley nods, even though she knows she won't do any such thing. "Yeah, of course."
"Then I'll see you at school tomorrow."
"See you then."
Lucas leaves, ducking back out the bay window onto the fire escape and Riley falls back so she's sitting on the bed, his sweatshirt still in hand. It's not the reassuring end to the day that she had been hoping for. Things feel even more uncertain than before, what with the school going crazy and these secret back-and-forths with Lucas...she doesn't have any idea what it even means that he's telling her to keep the sweatshirt when they both agreed that they can only be friends. And even though she's sure her parents will want to talk to her about all of this, especially when her dad gets home and tells her mom the gossip circulating around the school, she has no idea how to begin to talk about this with anyone, let alone her parents.
Forget getting her homework done or even unpacking, Riley needs to find a way to get her head on straight before she deals with anyone else. Without even really thinking about it, she slips into the sweatshirt and lies back across the bed, staring up at her ceiling and wondering what on earth it is that comes next.