Hey, everyone. I don't normally use author's notes for much more than thanking everyone for reading, reviewing, and subscribing (thanks for all of that by the way) but something happened with this story that I feel like I have to address. Last week I found out thanks to a considerate reader that someone had taken this story and posted it as their own on another site.

I was thankfully able to get it taken down without much fuss, but I was really hurt to hear that it happened in the first place and very frustrated. I put a lot of effort into writing, and I love being a part of this fandom. That one person's actions could turn something great into a negative experience quite frankly sucks. I consider myself very lucky that all of this was resolved so quickly, but it's still shaken me a bit. I really hope this was a one time thing and that nobody else in the fandom has to deal with anything like it. It's not fun or flattering, it just hurts to have something you're proud of taken away from you.

Anyway, with the soapbox ranting over and done with, I'll thank you all again for reading and letting me know what you think, and let you get on with Chapter 5.

Hey, if you're still talking to me I wanted to apologize for—Riley stops typing her text message, shaking her head as she deletes the contents and starts over. I'm sorry for pulling away earlier. I haven't been very fair to-

Her mom bursts back into the room nearly ten minutes after her dad had beckoned her out, looking slightly frenzied and almost as though she's been crying.

Riley freezes. Something bad must have happened for her mom to look this upset. Topanga Matthews is always so in control of herself, even when she's in crisis mode. It's one of the many things Riley has always admired about her mom, and has always hoped she could figure out how to do. For something to have shaken her mom enough that she can notice...it has to be serious. Riley closes the text without sending it, setting her phone aside. "Mom?"

"Riley, hon, I need you to pack a bag." Her mom says, tucking her phone back into her pocket. "I just got off the phone with Farkle's parents. You're going to spend a couple of nights at his place."

"What? Why? What's wrong?"

Her mom sits next to her, back in the bay window seat. "Uncle Josh just called from Philadelphia. There's been an accident. Your grandparents are in the hospital."

Riley's heart seems to stutter at the news. She knows she's still breathing but for a moment her head seems to be lifting away from her body. It comes crashing back down as she realizes that her mom is still talking and she gradually tunes back in.

"-already on his way. He's going to call if anything changes, but it'll probably be a while before there's an actual update."

"Why aren't we going to Philly?" Riley interjects the moment her mom pauses. She doesn't understand why they aren't going with her dad. If your family needs you, you go. And family being in the hospital definitely means they need you. "If grandma and grandpa are hurt, we should be there too."

"We're going to be. I'm heading down as soon as I drop you and Auggie off at the Minkus' and then you two will take the train down this weekend."

"This weekend?" Riley's mind races. It's only Wednesday night. The weekend is two whole days away. That's too long. What if something happens? What if the weekend is too late? From how her mom is talking and the way she seems to be rushing to make plans this was a serious accident, and Riley's not so optimistic that she can ignore what that means. "No. I want to go down with you."

"Sweetie, your dad and I agree that you and Auggie need to stay here for a couple of days until things calm down. There's nothing you'll be able to do at the hospital, and you can't afford to miss school right now."

Riley is quick to protest. "I could visit them. And I don't care about school. Grandma and Grandpa are more important than my grades."

Her mother sighs and loops an arm around Riley's shoulders. "I'm not saying they aren't, Riley. But they're in critical condition. Most hospitals won't let someone your age in to visit in that wing. And they definitely won't let Auggie. It will be better for everyone, including you, if you guys wait up here until we know more."

Riley feels her indignation and intensity deflate as her mom talks. Logic takes over and everything starts getting replaced with growing worry. "But what if something happens? What if they..." She trails off, unable to finish the thought. It's too terrible to say out loud.

"If anything changes, good or bad, we'll let you know." Her mom promises. "That's one of the reasons I asked Stuart if you could stay with them. He can get you two to Philly fast if he needs to. Hopefully he won't, but the option is there."

Riley's not sure if that's supposed to make her feel better or worse. In theory, she supposes, it's a good a thing, but all her mind is really registering is how terrifying it is that they needed to think of that option, let alone that they might have to use it. Her grandparents are hurt, so badly that she's not allowed to see them and she's going to be stuck in another city waiting for news. That things could take a turn and they could die is a legitimate possibility...Riley can't figure out how her mother is still functioning.

"I have to go talk to your brother and help him pack. Are you OK to get your things together?" Riley nods. "OK. You'll have your key so you'll be able to pop in if you forget something but try to get all your school stuff and what you'll need for a few days away." Riley nods again. "I really appreciate that you're being so strong and understanding about this, Sweetie." Her mother starts to pull her into a squeezing embrace. "It's a load off my mind to know that you're able to handle this and will be there for Auggie while we're away."

It's not until Riley's mom rests her head on top of hers and Riley feels the tears start falling down into her hair that she realizes as sick as she feels, and as much as it seems like she's gasping for air and sobbing, she's actually breathing normally. Not a single tear is falling.

"There, see?" Riley sets her phone on the bedside table after ending a phone call with her mom, and wraps her arm around Auggie. Her little brother is still sniffling, having woken up alone in a strange place and only remembering that something horrible had happened, leaving him unsure of what was going on and completely terrified. She'd had to abandon getting ready for school to comfort and reassure him and in the end had resorted to calling her mom when she was unsuccessful. "Everything's the same as when we went to bed last night. Nothing bad's happened."

Auggie rubs at his face with the back of his hand. "Grandma and Grandpa are in the hospital."

"Besides that." Riley concedes. She ignores the pang in her heart from bypassing that fact, instead searching for a way to finish the process of consoling Auggie. "But it's a good thing that the doctors haven't told us anything else. That means Grandma and Grandpa are working really hard to get better and be OK." Or that things are really bad and the doctors are just too busy to update anyone. Or they did update them but it's not good news and her mom didn't know how to tell them. But Riley doesn't say any of that. They have an honesty policy in the Matthews household when it comes to Auggie about giving him truthful, whole information when he asks for it, but he's already so worried that Riley doesn't have the heart to make it worse. "Now, you should have breakfast before you get dressed for school."

"I'm not hungry."

"Really? That's too bad. Because I happen to know they're making waffles." Because Farkle's mom had asked for their favorites the night before and Riley had rattled off all of Auggie's. "And they have a lot of really good toppings to choose from. Maple syrup...strawberries and cream...Nutella..."

Auggie pulls away and sits up, scooting off the edge of the bed. "Maybe I have room for a few bites."

"Good. I have to finish getting ready. Do you remember how to get down to the kitchen?" As Riley had been the first time she had seen the Minkus home, Auggie had been overwhelmed by the sheer size of the place upon their arrival; between that and his mind being elsewhere, she has no idea how much of the tour Farkle had given has actually stuck.

Auggie confirms the directions and after one more encouragement from Riley takes off in search of his meal. Riley, in turn, gets off the bed, grabs her phone, and returns to the guest room down the hall (hers only in name since she had ended up spending the night with Auggie when he had trouble sleeping) to finish getting ready. She's already dressed as she doesn't bother closing the door, just sets herself in front of a mirror to do something with her hair. It's still wet from her shower and hanging limp and stringy around her face, but thanks to the interruption from Auggie she doesn't really have time to take a blow dryer to it or really fix it.

Riley settles on braiding it, and pulls a couple hair ties from the handle of her brush. She slips them around her wrist and starts brushing her hair, managing only a few strokes before someone raps their knuckles on the door frame. Riley glances back and sees Farkle, dressed for the day with his bag slung over one shoulder. "Come on in." She goes back to her hair.

"I just saw Auggie on his way to get breakfast." Farkle drops his bag by the door and walks in, shoving his hands in his pockets and leaning against the wall near the mirror she's using. "He seems better than he was half an hour ago."

"We ended up calling my mom for an update. So that calmed him down."

"Good news?"

Riley shakes her head. "No news. But I explained that that was good news."

"Is it?"

"I don't know. Maybe. But you saw how worried he was. I had to tell him something."

"He'll be fine as soon as you hear they're going to be OK." Farkle assures. "And his teacher knows what's going on, right?"

There's so much running around in Riley's head—tasks that she's responsible for in taking care of Auggie, things that need to happen regardless of who does them, things that might happen and what-ifs—that it takes her a moment to locate the answer to Farkle's question. "I think your mom is going to talk to her when she drops him off."

"Then I'm sure she'll take good care of him until you hear something."

Riley wishes she could take Farkle's reassurances to heart and relax a little (at least about Auggie) but as with all the words and offerings that people have been giving her they just seem to settle across her shoulders. One more platitude to carry throughout her day. She's coming off as calm and confident, but inside it feels like she's being pulled in a hundred different directions and she's screaming and crying and begging for it to stop or for somebody to help her only everything just keeps pulling harder; Riley can't understand why the chaos hasn't broken through to the surface, but every time she thinks about saying something, no words come. She just murmurs a half-hearted agreement and continues braiding her hair.

"And we'll take care of you, OK?" He continues. "Me, Lucas, Zay..whoever you need. I know you're being strong for Auggie right now but you don't need to keep that up all the time."

Riley ties off the braid and shakes her head. If she agrees, he'll only expect something to happen later. "Thanks, but-,"

"No. No buts, Riley." Farkle protests. "You're always there when one of us needs something. You need to let us be there for you once in a while."

"I-,"

Farkle powers on like she hadn't just started to say something. "I've let it go for weeks because I know you've been trying to make sure we don't get caught up in this thing between you and Maya, but it stops today. You have family members in the hospital. Maya will understand if you take a little extra support because of that."

Riley wants to explain why she has doubts of Maya's ability to understand the obvious through her anger (there has, after all, been no indication that Maya believes Riley isn't currently dating Lucas) or that she's not even being strong by choice at this point, but all that comes out is, "OK."

"And nobody's going to-," Farkle cuts himself off. Realization crosses his features but he tempers that just as quickly. "I mean, good." There's a brief pause and then, "If you still want to walk in we have to leave soon. Are you about ready?"

"Yeah." Riley glances in the mirror before she answers, even though she knows what she's going to see. She looks awful. Although she's never understood makeup as a confidence booster like her mom or Aunt Morgan, over the past few weeks she's recognized it's usefulness as a shield and a way to distract people; she's gotten very used to putting it on every morning to hide the dark circles under her eyes and make herself look generally healthier and more energetic. But in the rush of the night before, Riley had forgotten to pack hers, and she can't borrow from Farkle's mom. Aside from the fact that she knows what brand Jennifer uses and is pretty sure that the foundation alone costs more than her entire wardrobe, they just don't have the same coloring, so she'd probably end up looking sickly. Well...sicklier. She looks pretty terrible now, but at least she has a good reason and shouldn't have to put up with too many points and whispers.

"I just need to get my bag together."

"OK. I'll meet you downstairs in a minute."

Farkle leaves and Riley crosses the room to where she's left her overnight bag and backpack. She has to move the pajamas she wore the night before to she side to get to her bag and her hand lingers on the sweatshirt. Lucas' sweatshirt.

She knows it's stupid and childish and any number of things, but Riley has gotten in the habit of wearing the thing late at night when she's sitting in her bay window or curled up in bed and there's no chance of anyone seeing her. Even though Lucas told her to keep it, it still seems like anyone else who sees her with it are going to assume something is happening, or at the very least think it's weird. But Riley can't help herself. The sweatshirt is soft and warm and it's like having a small piece of Lucas' steady presence envelop her; after a long day of holding everything together it feels like the only piece of comfort she's allowed to give herself. Wearing it last night had been more of a risk, but Riley knows Auggie either doesn't understand the significance or doesn't care and while Farkle could figure it out if he saw, he probably wouldn't say anything.

One hand stays on the sweatshirt while she uses the other to check the contents of her bag. The only class she doesn't have today is math, so she pulls that book out, but she's still left with a backpack filled with textbooks and notebooks for classes that she's barely floating by in, even without this new distraction, and Riley can feel anxiety spreading across her chest and closing in, like somebody is shrink-wrapping her. Her list of things to get through is so long and she doesn't know where she'll be able to find the energy or strength. She just knows she has to.

Without really thinking, Riley crumples up the sweatshirt and shoves it into her bag before zipping the top, slinging it over her shoulder, and heading downstairs.

"Man, Riley looks terrible."

Lucas reflexively reaches over and slaps the back of his hand against Zay's chest before he even looks across the hall to where Riley is entering the school with Farkle. "Zay, her grandparents are in the hospital. They were in a major car accident yesterday." Riley is as pale as he's ever seen her, with dark circles under her eyes and tightly drawn features. Farkle had texted him about the situation the night before and again early this morning to let him know that there's been no news and that he's pretty sure she didn't sleep for a moment all night. Even taking that into consideration, Riley looks entirely worn out and done, more than Lucas would think possible in just one night.

"Oh, geez. Man, I had no idea."

"I know. Just cool it around her today, will you? She doesn't need any extra stress." Lucas swings his locker door shut and heads across the hall to meet them at Riley's locker. He greets them both, but quickly turns his focus to Riley. "Farkle told me about what happened to your grandparents."

She glances at Farkle. "He did?"

Farkle ignores her and Lucas decides to just say what he intended in the first place. "I know it's really rough, waiting for news like this. If you there's anything you need..."

"Thanks Lucas, but I'm fine."

"You're fine." He finishes the sentence with her. It's not like he hasn't heard the words come out of her mouth a thousand times in the last three weeks. "I know."

Riley swings her braided hair over one shoulder. "Honestly, I'm more worried about Auggie. He doesn't understand why we can't be down in Philly with everyone else. Our mom told him how serious it was before she left, so he's terrified that they're gonna die and he'll never see them again. And I've been trying to reassure him, and answer all his questions but I think I'm just making things worse."

"I'm sure you're not."

"I had to stay with him last night just so he would go to sleep." She says, turning away to start unloading her things into her locker. "And when he woke up this morning and I wasn't there, he started screaming and crying because he thought that something had happened and I had gone without telling him."

Farkle shifts the weight of his bag on his shoulder. "And I told you that's the situation, not anything you're doing. As soon as you get the news that everything's gonna be OK, and guys get down to Philly to see them, he'll be fine."

"I hope so." She turns back around.

"Anyway, if you're sure you're OK, I have to go drop off my stuff and talk to Mr. Norton about my final project."

Riley nods, brushing her hair away from her face again. "Of course. But...if you see Maya, can you let her know what's going on? She shouldn't hear all this secondhand."

Farkle agrees before he turns and leaves, and Lucas considers the request. Riley's concerned about Maya. Not herself. Maya. He knows that Riley still cares deeply for Maya, regardless of the gap that's grown between them, and that Maya considers most of Riley's family to be her family as well so it makes sense that she should be told about the elder Matthews' accident. But he can't fathom a scenario where if he was in Riley's position he'd even be able to think about anyone besides himself and his family, let alone put someone else first. He's not sure how she does it.

"Do you know who's going to be covering your dad's classes?" Lucas asks the question to fill the silence that pops up in Farkle's absence, but immediately regrets his topic choice. He's so desperate to avoid commenting on her compassion for Maya's role in the situation and potentially offending her that instead he says the next thing that springs to mind without giving any thought to the implications.

"Uh, I'm not sure." She answers, fiddling with her braid again. "Depending on who they got they might just send us to the library. They do that sometimes."

"I guess we'll find out after lunch. Do you want to head to art?" They still have close to ten minutes before the bell rings and they have to actually be in Miss Kossal's room, but Lucas is willing to suggest anything to get away from the cloud of awkward hanging over them. Talking had always been easy for them (apart from the early days of their friendship when they were still adjusting to the rush of butterflies and imagined scenarios that came whenever they saw each other—at least that was Lucas' excuse) but ever since Texas they've had a growing list of talking points that they're supposed to avoid and it's starting to put a strain on things.

Riley nods and closes her locker door. They start walking towards the art room, picking up Zay along the way. He offers his own words of support to Riley then, picking up on the uncomfortable atmosphere, offers up his own solution.

"So..." Zay draws out. "How 'bout them Yankees?"

Riley rolls her eyes, but the comment at least gets a conversation going (mostly between himself and Zay) about whether or not a team's spring training performance is really a good indicator of how their regular season is going to go. The talk goes on as they reach the art room and start gathering up materials for their current projects, pausing only to greet Miss Kossal behind her desk. Riley grabs her sketchpad from the shelf, sets it on the easel she's been using (Farkle has taken her spot with Maya, Zay has shifted to the middle and now she sits next to him) and then goes to the supply table to grab a set of oil pastels.

That's when Maya comes in and everything stops.

The blonde has tears in her eyes and when she sees Riley she freezes for a moment before rushing over. "Riley! Farkle just told me about your grandparents. Are you OK?" She wraps her arms around Riley in a hug, but it's either so tight or so unexpected that Riley just stands there. Lucas can't tell which, but it's crushing and uncomfortable to watch.

Maya doesn't even wait for Riley to answer her, just keeps talking as she disengages from the embrace. "We've been so stupid lately. I know you messed up, but we should still be talking. That's how you fix problems, right? You talk about them. We should do that."

Lucas can't believe what he's hearing. Now Maya wants to talk? After weeks of awkward, heavy glances and practically ignoring Riley if they actually had to interact with each other in any way, she chooses now to remember that having discussions instead of enacting the silent treatment is the mature way to deal with problems. Now, when Riley is so obviously not in the right head space to deal with anything so complicated. Not to mention the way she's talking, laying all the blame on Riley like that… He knows Riley made the initial mistake in Texas, just assuming what Maya would want and acting without taking to her first, but she's been doing everything she can to make amends within the boundaries set by Maya ever since. At some point, Maya has to take some responsibility too.

It's impossible to tell if Riley is equally bothered, or if she's OK with what's being said and happy that Maya's back trying to be her friend. She's just standing there, stock still and stiff, a blank expression on her face.

Just as with the non-reception of her hug, Maya doesn't seem to notice. "I can't really focus on my project and you at the same time, but what do you say we meet at lunch and talk things out?"

"Uh...yeah. Sure." Riley says after a long beat passes. She presses her lips together. "I'll meet you in the cafeteria."

"Great." Maya hugs her again, still getting no physical reaction from Riley. "See you then."

Zay and Lucas share a disbelieving look as Maya steps away, going through her own routine of gathering her things for the class. There's no way that can be how this mess ends. Lucas wants a resolution, things haven't been the same with the whole group since the fracture happened, but if this is how it's going to take place...it's not worth it. Riley's side of things won't get heard—if he's reading her right this morning she can barely put her thoughts together, let alone handle such a complex talk when Maya's clearly feeling self-assured. It won't really work. It couldn't possibly.

Maya walks away and starts gathering her things for the class; Riley stays standing, stuck near the supply table. Lucas is going to go to her, to talk to her or at lease get her to sit down at her easel, but a few seconds later it's like she snaps to life and she walks over to Miss. Kossal's desk.

"Miss Kossal?" She starts quietly. "I know it's generally against school policy for us to have our phones on during class, but I'm waiting to hear some news about my grandparents...they were in a car accident last night and nobody's sure yet what's going to happen."

"Oh, of course." Miss Kossal nods. "Just put the volume on low, and if you get a call you step out into the hall quietly."

The call doesn't come during art class.

Lucas hears Riley make the request twice more. Once in English (where she doesn't get a call) and once in History (where the substitute couldn't care less what anyone in the class is doing as long as they're sitting at their desks and nobody's shouting and he's already allowed several people, like Farkle, to go to the library to work on the computers). He watches Riley answer the phone and go out into the hall, expecting her to come back a few minutes later either crying or incredibly happy and relieved. He goes back to reading the chapter that Mr. Matthews had been covering, but when he reaches the end of it twenty minutes later and she's still not back, he worries that the news was worse than expected and she can't even handle coming back to get her things.

He stands, gives the substitute a halfhearted request to grab something from his locker, and doesn't wait to hear an affirmative response before he walks out the door. He'll deal with the detention if it comes to that but he has to make sure that Riley is OK.

Thankfully, she's not very far at all. He finds her sitting on the bench in front of the girls' bathroom. She's not crying, which he might take as a good sign only she's definitely not smiling or happy either. She's just sitting there staring at her lap, phone resting limply in her hand.

"Riley?" He sits next to her. "Are you OK?"

It takes a second for Riley to register the question, and when she does her answer is soft and flat. "Yeah. I'm good."

Lucas doesn't want to call her a liar but she's quite clearly not good. Nothing about her posture, tone, or expression even comes close to resembling normal, happy Riley. He settles asking about the phone call. "Was that your mom on the phone?"

"Yeah."

"Well...what did she say?"

"My Grandpa is stable and improving but he hasn't woken up yet." She recites, fumbling a little over the terminology. "My grandma is going into surgery to fix something with her liver...if she makes it through that they think she'll probably be OK."

Lucas figures there has to be something else. To him that sounds like the sort of report he would want in a situation like this, but she doesn't seem happy or relieved in the slightest. "Those are good things, aren't they?"

"Yeah. It's really good news."

It still doesn't sound like it. He struggles to figure out a way to tell her that and several moments pass. He doesn't get there.

"Lucas, I think something's broken." Her voice is even softer, and she doesn't look up from her lap.

Broken? What does that mean, something's broken? Is she talking about her grandparents? Is she hurt?

"In me." She adds. "I think something in me is broken."

"I don't under-,"

"I'm feeling so much that I think I could drown or die or explode from all of it, but I can't show any of it."

He knows she's been careful about schooling every reaction since Texas. She's focused more on looking fine than on actually being fine (not that they've found a good way to let her know that they've noticed). Lucas considers himself to be fairly familiar with the process. When things are particularly stressful or trying, he has any number of tricks that he runs through to keep himself calm until it's more appropriate to let everything out and they work, but they suck because it's hard and exhausting. And he hasn't been dealing with half of what Riley has of late. It's no wonder she's feeling overdrawn.

"Riley, you don't have to worry about hiding that stuff from us." Lucas assures. He reaches over to take her hand. "We want to be there for you, no matter what you're feeling."

"No, I literally can't show it. I can't cry." Riley finally turns to face him, and Lucas is struck by how deep her eyes seem. "I should be crying all the time but I can't...Last night when my mom told me what happened I was so upset and scared that I though for sure I was sobbing but I wasn't even blinking back tears. I'll feel the walls closing in like I can't breathe but I'm not actually struggling.

"And now things are sort of looking up. Maya finally wants to talk to me again and things look good for my grandparents...I should be relieved, maybe even happy, but it's like there's this wall and nothing gets past it. I can barely even talk and explain any of it I'm just..I'm finally the heartless witch everyone's been saying I am."

"What? No. Riley, you are the furthest person from heartless that I've ever met. You care so deeply about everyone...even people you don't know. That's not heartless." Riley doesn't respond and Lucas doesn't wait for the silence to grow over them. He can't begin to understand how she's feeling, or what it could possibly mean that she's having trouble showing any of it but even if all he can do is listen and reassure her he has to try. "And you're not broken. There's nothing wrong with you. It doesn't matter if you're crying your eyes out or smiling or sitting there stone-faced; nobody can tell you the right way to react to anything and anyone who knows you knows that you're feeling something. I know that you're feeling something."

"I don't understand how you can be so sure. I'm not even that sure."

"I'm sure because I know you. There's nothing heartless or broken about you, Riley. You're the most amazing girl I know. And if I have to remind you that every time I see you, I will. You're not going through any of this alone."

Riley leans against him, resting her head against his shoulder and Lucas gently maneuvers his arm, still holding on to her hand, to wrap around her shoulders. "How can you be so good to me when I've been such a mess lately?"

"Everyone's allowed to be a mess sometimes. Besides...didn't you hear me just now? You're the most amazing girl I know." Lucas tilts his head over and presses his lips against Riley's temple. "Being good to you is very important to me."