Chapter 7: In Which Riley's Thoughts are put at Ease
When one is in a situation their mind cannot comprehend, it usually comes up with a way of dealing with it, such as counting to ten, or reciting a poem as a distraction, or even convincing itself what it's seeing is not real. What it's hearing is not the truth. Therefor, the whole journey Riley had been through seemed as if it had been something she had merely read about, it had been someone else's. She tried her best to push it down, think of it as never existing. She didn't ever want to see those tunnels again, never ever wanted to stumble through thick s as darkness, her own feet invisible, beneath a blanket of cloud, legs being scratched at with thorns that appeared from nowhere.
Now, she sat in the middle of the large couch, being studied by a host of her emotions who for some reason wouldn't stop staring at her, even after she had apologised to Joy. They seemed to want to touch her too, especially her hands and face, as if they wanted to make sure this was really happening just as much as she did. All they had done since she had emerged was look at her as if she was the most interesting thing in the world.
"So, you guys are like...my fellings...?" she asked slowly.
"Well, basically yeah!" said Disgust, flying with Riley's sandy hair, "We're the reason you feel the way you do."
"When you're awake of course," added Anger, poking her kneecaps, "We aren't exactly responsible for-" he gestured to Riley's full form. "Whatever you've got going on right now."
"And...this is my head. Right?"
"It can't be anywhere else!" stated Anger.
"So. I'm sorry. I don't really fully understand. All of you are my emotions?"
"Yes! Exactly!" said Joy happily, "I'm glad you're starting to warm up a bit, you were so edgy before. I know you had a reason to be, but still! It didn't exactly help that you chose to hide in Fear's room."
"So, if you're my Joy," she pointed to her to which Joy waved, "then the rest of you must be..."
Rather bravely, the plump little blue creaure shuffled towards her and extended her hand, "Umm, I'm Sadness." Riley shook it. "Nice to meet you, Sadness. I'm Riley."
"I know." Sadness responded. "I was there when you first cried after you were born. And when you lost your final match against the Kentucky Kuckoos. And when all your goldfish died. And-"
"Okay, Sadness I think that's enough," said Joy gently, "I think she gets it."
"Well, I was there when she waited at the bus stop for hours in the pouring rain, and it was all cold and shivery, and her boots were soggy and the bus wouldn't come. And she waited and waited and by the time she came home, she'd caught a cold. "
"Sadness-!"
"She stayed in bed and slept forever! She just lay there feeling sorry for herself."
"That was you?" said Riley, a smile appearing.
"Y-Yeah." said Sadness shooting her one of her own rare smiles, "You remember?"
"Yeah! I felt awful that day! I remember I thought I was going to die!"
"Slight overreaction," laughed Joy.
"I can't believe you remember!" said Sadness, happier than Joy had ever seen her, "do you remember the time you saw Meg run off with another girl and you were left at the curb all alone?"
"Yes, I-" Riley sighed a little, "Yeah I do."
"I was there too. I was working the controls most of that day-until Joy found me and shoved me back in my circle so you could play on the merry-go-round-"
"Uhh, okay Sadness, let's just let Riley meet everybody else for the moment. "So, you're...Anger?" Anger looked up from his newspaper.
"That'd be correct."
"So what exactly do you do?"
"Well," said Anger getting up, "You know that annoying alarm clock that wakes you up for school?" Riley nodded. "Well, I'm the guy who mashed it to a pulp!" he said proudly, "I got you through karate lessons, your hockey finals and I'm the reason you're so passionate about morals and ethics during debate class. I helped you to win that for and against wild duck hunting, remember when you told the whole class everything has a right to live without threat of a gun?"
Riley laughed. "Oh Yeah! That debate! Wow, I got really mad that day!" she added blushing.
"Helped you win, didn't I?" He shrugged. "I'm also the one who makes you curse, and let me tell you, we've gotten pretty good at it!"
Joy, Fear and Sadness looked around uncomfortably. Disgust seemed to cough out something mean behind Anger's paper.
" Can you remember the time you got really riled up?"
"Don't you mean "riley-d up?!" said Joy cackling at her own joke, "Er, sorry carry on!" Riley thought, "Well...I remember once there was a mean girl on the playground at my old school-"
"Mattie Zadler," interuppted Anger.
"Yeah? You remember too?"
"I remember all your school bullies," he replied matter-of-factly, beginning to list them off on his fingers. "There was Mattie, the girl who picked on you mercilessly and pushed you out on the ice one day, that boy who stuck gum in your hair, the kid who teased you in class, the girl who wrote mean things about you on social media-"
"So, you were the reason I smashed my phone?" Riley cringed.
"Basically. But it was a cheap model anyway, you could have done better."
"It was an SX White, Genius!" snapped Disgust, "only the coolest phone out there! She would have looked awesome bringing that thing into school but Noooo, you had to go throw one of your crazy little tantrums and ruin her social life!"
"Me? Ruin her social life? That's your job isn't it?" glared Anger, eyes full of hate.
"At least I make decisions that don't ultimately end up getting Riley in trouble!" Disgust said catily, "remember that bright idea of yours to talk back to the physics teacher and land us all in detention?"
"She was the one who was out of order," said Anger sourley, "we showed her who was boss anyway! Stupid old hag handing on homework on the last week of term...who does she think she is?!"
"A teacher, dummy." Disgust responded.
Anger grabbed his newspaper and placed it over his head to avoid a fiery explosion in front of Riley. That didn't stop flames spurting out to singe the "School Cancelled, Riley Bedridden" columns. Riley watched in wonder as the little man's head began to glisten underneath his printed umbrella.
"Someone's about to blow a fuse!" giggled Disgust.
"So, who are you?" Riley asked the green maiden.
"I'm Disgust," she replied, shooting Riley a smug grin, "I stop you from being poisoned or contaminated, physically and socially!"
"So, what's it your job to do?" Riley asked, somewhat interested.
"Well, I'm the one who stood you from wearing spots and stripes together, keeps you away from strangers you don't know, helps you stick to a style that suits you and most importantly decide what you eat- just to name a few things."
"You help me pick what I eat?" said Riley.
"Well, your least favourite food is broccoli, right?"
"Yes, how did you-" she stopped herself, since finally knowing that these strange entities were her emotions, there was no point in telling them or asking anything about herself since they had proved they already held knowledge on every detail, "I mean, how do you do that?"
"With this thing," Disgust lead her to the small white table Riley had seen them pushing on earlier. As she got closer, she saw it wasn't a table at all, but a control panel, with multi coloured buttons and levers dotted in straight or horizontal lines. Disgust began playing with one of them, searching for what Riley thought to be an on switch. When she thought the emotion wasn't looking, she went to touch a red lever sticking out at an odd angle as though it had been jammed somehow. Before her fingers could skim the smooth surface however, Disgust's green hand shot out and swatted it away. "Uh-Uh! Don't touch! We can't risk even the slightest accident right now."
"Why not?"
"Duh! Because nothing's working! You aren't even working," sighed Disgust rolling her eyes, "I know you just got here but keep up, okay?"
Riley's face fell, but feeling a soft leaf grace her chin she looked up to see Disgust, hand on one hip and laughing. "I'm just kidding! If you haven't already guessed it, I've got a pretty sick sense of humor! They don't call me Disgust for nothing you know." Stopping to yelp as she felt an electric pulse through her fingertips, she teetered slightly and brushed against a large lever. As she did so, the sound of static began to fill the room.
"Ow!" she squeaked, nipping at her fingers, but she removed them as she noticed the noise coming from the moniter. "Um, Fear? We got a signal here!" she called urgently.
Fear came dashing over in the oddest way Riley had ever seen want one move. He was like a scorpion that Haas just discovered it's stinging tail was on fire. "A signal?" he cried half excitedly, half nervously as he grinded to a halt at the control panel, eyes darting everywhere to find any hope of a screen or at least some sound. All the noises of the outside world seemed to have completely failed since the crash. The only thing worse than not seeing or hearing anything was not knowing anything, and Fear meant it when he told Joy he hadn't enough paper bags for such a situation.
"Uh, right. Let's have a look here-did you reset the panel's power?" he asked Disgust who stood there impatiently with her arms folded as he fiddled with loose wires and controls.
"Yes."
"Did you try finding the switch in case it had reset itself?"
"Yeess " said Disgust gritting her teeth.
"Did you try looking under the circuit-"
"I tried all of those you nitwit!" Fear jumped back a step. Riley decided rather awkwardly that this would be a chance to redeem herself for scaring the life out of him. That is, if these creations really were alive...
"Excuse me?"
"AAAAAHHHHH,,, DON'T HURT ME!" shrieked Fear leaping back further, his hands covering his face. Riley paused too, afraid she had worsened his opinions of her. "S-Sorry! I didn't mean to-!"
"Oh! It's j-just you Riley!"
"Who did you think it was, the boogeyman?" muttered Anger. Fear ignored him. "It's okay! Don't worry about it!" he reassured her, even whilst rubbing both his hands and shaking.
"I didn't mean to startle you earlier!" the girl apologised, "I just thought-"
Fear laughed, his shaking disappearing and began patting the dust off his sweater. "Oh, no! It's fine, it wasn't your fault. Believe me, I'm actually kind of amazed as to how you managed to infiltrate our headquarters! I just tend to be a little bit jumpy most of the time!"
Riley relaxed, "Well, there's no real need to ask who you are I guess," she said, "you're Fear, yes?"
Fear gulped, but managed to return the smile she flashed him. "That's correct, yeah!"
"So, you control when I'm scared huh?"
"Well," chuckled Fear, "It's a little more complicated than that. Not to get too technical, but I don't just work in fear. I also work through anxiety, panic, worry, denial-"
"Quit boring her Fear!" Disgust piped up, "the poor girl doesn't want to hear of what "wonderful," things you've learnt about her own head, it's not like she doesn't already know!" Then turning to Riley she added, "don't listen to him, honey he's just been doing this job far too long. As a matter of fact, we all have," she said under her breath.
"Oh no, it's okay, I don't mind. I'd kind of like to hear it actually."
"Well, you've come to the right place!" said Fear happily, "come on, I'll show you."
She stood there watching intently as he pulled some more cables out of a tube from inside the panel, occasionally guffawing whenever he grabbed a short, delicate wire and accidentally electrocuted himself.
"YOWCH!" he screamed falling to the floor. Immediately, Riley rushed to his side. "Are you okay?" Fear was far from it, although he did manage to pick himself up. "Guess that was pretty shocking, huh?" Riley giggled wetting her finger with saliva and using it to put out a candle-like flame that had appeared on the end of his antennae.
"Now, Joy may be the one who keeps you happy, and Disgust might help you to make difficult choices but I on the other hand ha be a super important job of keeping you safe."
"Really? Wow!" said Riley, "it must be a pretty tiresome job then?"
"Are you kidding? It's exhausting!" said Fear, putting a hand to his head, "I really don't know why you put yourself in danger so often."
"I don't put myself in danger-" she paused, "Do I?"
"Well, running through corridors, with all those turns, going skating on the ice with those razor sharp skates of yours, aren't really clever ideas are they?"
Riley's expression became somewhat embarrassed, "No I guess not. And I'm sorry."
"What for?" asked Fear, trying to start up the moniter again.
"Well, if you're supposed to watch over me, I've really put through hell lately," she sighed softly, "I should never have attempted that stupid stunt. It's all my fault your controls aren't working "
"Woah! Hey now!" said Joy rushing over and leaving Sadness cross legged with a manual in her hand and a hurt expression, "Riley! None of this is your fault!"Her voice became somber, "It's mine actually. I was the one who talked Fear out of steering clear of trying the ramp, I fought over the controls with him. I just thought we'd make it, but-I guess I...miscalculated."
Fear shook his head. "Uh-Uh! Nope, I will not have that Joy, I will not allow you to blame yourself for my own irresponsibility! It's my job to keep Riley safe, or at least it was, but it was all my fault, I swear!"
"I can vouch for that," said Anger dryly.
"No, Fear if I hadn't tried to go for an idiotic thrill seeking mindset, Riley wouldn't be in here, confused and terrified. It is all my fault."
"Joy-?"
"Sorry Fear," she said turning away from him, "I guess I'll just have to live with it from now on. I'm responsible for Riley's coma."
At this, Sadness snuck up behind Joy, startling her slightly holding a tissue.
"Huh? Oh, no thank you Sadness."
"They aren't for you, they're for me." replied Sadness.
"Oh. What are you so upset about?" asked Joy warily, knowing full well Sadness was almost always upset about everything.
"Because it's my fault too," she said kicking the floor and staring at her feet.
"Oh, Sadness-!"
"It's the truth, Joy! I'm awful! I should have made Riley feel sad, or struck something into her to make her stop. But I didn't, so it's my fault too."
"I think it's my fault too," said Disgust from the couch. Everyone turned to look at her, as she stared at the floor, eyes full of guilt. "I'm the one that stops Riley from making the wrong choice. I should have convinced her to ride in the other direction, made up some crap that her hair would get dirty or something. I didn't, so I take full responsibility too."
Everyone turned to look at Anger, who was shuffling across the room, head in his newspaper. He looked up like a child being caught stealing sweets as he realised every pair if eyes in the room was on him, including Riley's.
"What?" he asked, featuring to Fear, "he had the control panel!"
"Anger-"
Anger's gaze darted around uncomfortably before he finally admitted defeat. He dragged his newspaper across the linoleum of Riley's head, before placing it on the sofa and going to take Riley's hands in his. "I'm Sorry too, kid," he sighed, "if I had just made you feel the dread of your parents catching you doing the trick, something might have clicked. I'm just...I'm sorry."
Joy watched as Riley blinked and walked forwards towards the windows again. Everyone tensed waiting for the panic attack to come and for chairs to start flying again, but they didn't. Instead she just stood, and stared; staring at her own personality islands. She scanned her reflection, placing a palm on the glass, but never once looked into it. The only reflection she saw was in the folds of a hockey rink, a goofy face, a friend mural and an enormous stone sculpture of a family, depicting a mother a father and a little girl. She didn't need to think twice about who they were, only the fact that was sinking in that she may never see them again.
Joy was the one who approached her. Riley was glad of it, relieved when she saw another reflection in the glass, one with iridescent skin and sky blue hair. It was comforting, to know that where she was, wherever she was, there were others. Maybe not her own kind, but carers all the same.
"Hey," the blue haired spirit getting closer. "What are you thinking?"
"I thought that was your job to tell me," sniffed Riley.
Joy chuckled quietly, "Emotions can't make you think, sweetie," she said, "they can only make you feel."
Riley stared into the black abyss below her islands, "Do you-think they'll be looking for me?" she asked after a while.
Joy stopped, a piece of her breaking inside. She didn't want to tell Riley the truth. As optimistic as she usually was, even she knew that there was no possible way her parents could reach her. Not where she was anyway."
"Yeah," said Joy at last, "I do."
The other emotions who now all thought it safe to step in, were guided by Sadness to keep a respectful distance from her. Riley, seeing more shapes and colors form on the glass, turned to see them all, looking at her worriedly and expectantly.
"Listen. All of you."
Joy looked up hopeful, "Yes Riley? Go on tell us, what is it? What's on your mind, apart from us of course!" Before she could cackle at her own joke again, Riley turned around whot e seriously. "Look, you guys have been really nice and hospitable and all, but I really need to get back."
"Back?" said Joy grin fading.
"Back where?" said Disgust.
"There is no back," said Anger.
"There's no anything!" chimed in Fear.
"There's nothing but a long empty trail of nothingness outside!" informed Sadness. "If you venture too far out there, you'll fall down, down, down, down into Memory Dump and won't be able to get out!"
"I have to find my parents!" said Riley, almost pleading with them, "look, you all seem like great people, and I would like nothing more than to spend time with you. But since I know for sure none of this is real, and I am definitely dreaming right now, I'll just walk out, close my eyes and count to ten and be back riding my bike, okay?!"
The emotions stared at her dumbfounded forv a second, before Joy's sudden laughter became contiguous.
"What's so funny?" Riley demanded.
"Y-Your Dreams!" said Joy in between giggles. "You aren't in a dream Riley!"
Riley scowled slightly, her brows furrowing.
"You can watch your dreams though," said Joy.
At this Riley's scowl became a look of surprise and glee. "You Can?!"
"Oh sure," said Anger, happens all the time.
"Speaking of which," said Fear "the mindworkers down at Dream Productions will still be working overtime!"
"Oh yeah! That's right!" clapped Disgust.
"Alright, who's up for a movie?" said Joy, her radiant enthusiasm shining through again.
All the emotions shared equal murmurs of excitement, even Sadness. "I hope it's a tragedy," she mused making her way to the couch.
Joy was about to join them, but noticed Riley who still seemed to be rooted to the spot in amazement, as if the very idea of a dream being watched on a large screen was just enough to captivate her.
"Coming Riley?" Joy called.
Riley tried her best to break out of her trance. "Yeah." she replied. "Coming..."