Two years ago.
King's Landing.
Zatanna Zatara and M'gann M'orzz.
Waking up with a head splitting hangover was nothing new to Tyrion Lannister as he waddled to his table and poured himself a glass of summer wine. The storm clouds had been unleashing their fury since two nights ago, and today was no different, but when he looked up, the littlest Lord cocked his slightly oversized head to the side when he saw a flash of red lightning. How odd. There's something you don't see everyday. He had seen lightning before of course, same as any man, but red was a color he had never observed before. While he normally didn't look up to watch lightning flash across the heavens, today felt strangely different to the diminutive Lannister. Perhaps it was his pounding headache, perhaps it was the comfortable ache in his loins from the beautiful redhead that was even then sleeping in his bed with a very contented smirk on her face, but Tyrion couldn't shake the ominous feeling the odd weather instilled in his heart. He wasn't a religious man in the least, but the feeling remained all the same. Either way, he was quite curious as he took a deep sip from his full mug of wine and continued to watch the sky from his balcony window, all the while more arcs of red lightning crackled and danced.
No doubt a reasonable explanation for it. At least I could get a laugh from watching Pycelle try to explain it in his infinite wisdom. No sooner had the thought crossed his mind that Tyrion's day became notable for far more than meteorological oddities. The brightest flash yet lit up the sky before two smoking bodies hit the ground on either side of him. And now it rains women? The gods must be having a good laugh at my expense. Or perhaps I've simply been poisoned, and hallucinating beautiful women falling at my feet. A rather nice side effect if that's the case. With a sigh, Tyrion set down his mug with a cautious glance and waddled over to the two young women that had fallen on his balcony. He fervently hoped that whoever they were, they didn't decide to ruin his appetite by having the discourtesy of being dead at his feet, provided they were real in the first place. Nudging the closer of the two with his right foot, Tyrion knelt down and was relieved to see that at least one of them was breathing. "Pardon me, but I do believe you've had a nasty fall. Also, you are trespassing and would usually be put to death, but I'm in a generous mood. Are you alright?"
"What- where...?" Tyrion had to wonder if he was more hungover than he thought as he stumbled backwards, falling to the floor when the girl he had nudged glanced at him as she slowly stood to her full height.
From the small burns on her arms and face, as well as the tears in her clothing, he had no doubt she had been in a fight with someone quite recently, but it was the shade of her skin that had caught his eye first. Oh, green skin, that's a new one. Either I am hallucinating, or I'm about to be killed by a ravishing demon. Hmm... perhaps she's a succubus? If I'm going to die, at least my executioner has a nice ass and a wonderful set of tits. Her hair could be a bit longer, but who am I to complain?
I can hear you. Her eyes lit up with green light and her face became locked in a blank stare, concentrating on him alone. To his even greater surprise, Tyrion felt a presence in his mind that wasn't his own, and 'heard' a voice that he just knew wasn't one of his usual dreams of women whispering sweet nothings into his ears. For one, most of those highly talented women had never sounded terrified and enraged all at once, and two, while he had heard her speak, her mouth hadn't moved an inch. Who are you?!
Despite the very strange, and quite possibly deadly, situation he found himself in, Tyrion got to his feet, dusted himself off, and crossed his arms over his chest before meeting the red eyed woman's gaze. It threw her off as she looked to her right and pressed her fingertips against the other girl's neck, breathing a sigh of relief before turning back to glare at him.
"Well this is certainly a surprise." Tyrion began, breathing his own sigh of relief when the fear started to disappear from the girl's eyes. The presence in his mind remained, but he felt a noticeable pressure being lifted about the same time. "An educated woman that knows how to check for signs of life, and one that has a very captive audience as well. I must confess you're outside my area of expertise, but I have the feeling you're just as confused as I. So tell me my dear, who might you be and how did you come to be here of all places? As for who I am, my name is Tyrion Lannister. You may refrain from bowing if you wish." Tyrion held out a placating hand. "And before you ask, I must assume your next question will be where you are? That's easy as well. You're in King's Landing, the capital of the Seven Kingdoms."
"King's Landing? The capital? Seven Kingdoms?" Shaking her head in confusion, Tyrion wondered if the gods really were having a great laugh at his expense after all if they decided to drop an idiot into his private chambers.
Poor thing is as simple minded as a goat. I must be getting too soft. With a heavy sigh of exasperation, Tyrion waddled back to his table, refilled his glass, poured the strange girl a glass as well, and started towards her friend who was still sprawled out on the balcony. Something told him they were all going to need it before this was over. "Yes. That is what I said. Should I speak more slowly for you? Judging from the shocked look on your face, I see none of this makes the slightest bit of sense to you."
Just as he reached the raven haired girl's side, she started to stand to her feet, a white gloved hand pressed against her temples. Again he saw a collection of burns and cuts on her body, and it took him only a few moments to see that she had taken the brunt of whatever had hit them. "Whaa- M'gann? What happened?"
"Oh good, your charming companion is alive as well." Tyrion knelt by the dark haired girl as a playful smirk pulled at this lips. I suppose it would be a bit much to jest about that orgy I had planned for this afternoon. "Hello, just be still for a moment. You seem to have taken quite the beating. I am Tyrion, son of Tywin, would you care to favor me with your name?"
"Huh?" The grateful look on the raven haired girl's face wasn't missed as her green skin companion steadied her when it looked like she was about to fall to the stone floor again. "Thanks M'gann."
"Ah, she is more dazed than I thought." Tyrion started for the door before looking over his shoulder. "Just a moment, I will see to your friend's expedient care." Right after I summon the King's Guard. Hmm, the dungeon seems too harsh, perhaps I'll just have them escorted out. Jaime can do it well enough. The gentle presence in his mind became an iron grip on his motor functions, as Tyrion realized too late that he couldn't move a muscle, save for his mouth. "Or I can stay here."
"Please don't make me hurt you." The strangely colored girl said, her right hand raised in his direction while her other was wrapped around her companion's waist. "We mean you no harm, but-"
Tyrion saved them both the effort and simply interrupted the green skinned young woman. "I have the distinct impression I don't have much choice in the matter. I really shouldn't be surprised, I rarely do. So you wish to go unnoticed I take it, yet you can barely stand. Can I trust you not to kill me? That's the real question. I rather enjoy living, and I plan to keep doing that for quite some time. You say you won't harm me, and yet you have me at your mercy. What am I to make of that?"
"You thought of alerting your guards. I couldn't let you do that." M'gann stated firmly but softly.
If he had been able to move, Tyrion would have put his hand on his chin and cocked his head to the side at this interesting development. He knew he hadn't given voice to his desire to get the guards together to escort the two women out of the castle, so that left only two possibilities. Either the girl was far shrewder than he gave her credit for, or... "Curious... what number am I thinking of?" He asked, unable to hide the grin that formed on his lips at what was really on his mind.
The girl's red eyes widened ever so slightly and her green cheeks turned several shades darker before she found her voice again. "You're picturing having sex with three different women at the same time."
"Amazing! I have yet to have the dubious honor of meeting an actual witch in the flesh! You truly are a marvel my dear. M'gann was it?" His amazement was met with more confusion by the girl, but the grip on his body slackened a little he was happy to note.
The verdant blush on her cheeks only seemed to deepen. "I'm not a wit- nevermind, are you going to help my friend or should I just knock you out right now?"
While M'gann had lowered her right hand, Tyrion found he still couldn't move. Still, he breathed a little easier when he noted that she had begun to tentatively trust him, her expression softening somewhat. "If you allow me to move, I will get someone to bandage and tend to your wounds. You have my word as a Lannister, no guards, no tricks. I would advise covering yourself a bit however, green might be fetching where you hail from, but here it will draw unwanted attention."
Tyrion blinked in astonishment as the girl's skin changed to a far familiar, albeit less intriguing, hue and her eyes were suddenly shifted to a lovely brown. Her short cropped red hair was the only thing that remained, but he nodded his approval as he pulled the closest chair away from the table before M'gann helped her friend into the seat. "Thank you."
"I have a fondness for women in need." Tyrion explained with just a hint of bitterness in his voice, as he put on a cheerful smirk for them. "Please, help yourself to the wine if you wish, it's one of the finest summer vintages you'll ever have, you both look like you could use a drink. While you do that, I do believe I have a messenger to wake up." With that, Tyrion started towards his bed and clapped his hands loudly, causing the woman entangled in his sheets to jerk upright and glance around the room in confusion. "When you've dressed my dear, I have need of you to run down to Maester Pycelle and ask him to bring some bandages along with his salves and poultices. I seem to have wound up with two injured, lost guests on my balcony. Curious thing that." When the whore continued to stare, Tyrion sighed and put a hand to his forehead in exasperation. "I seem to be cursed with stunning beautiful women with slow minds this morning. You. Dress. Find Pycelle. Salves, poultices, and bandages. Now go!" With that command, the redhead shot Tyrion a withering glare but did as she was told, dressing in the scant 'clothes' she had been in upon entering his chambers in the first place before running out the door.
"Was that really necessary?" The raven haired girl asked, her pallor having improved since sitting down. "At least the wine's good." She noted after she had taken a sip from the glass that Tyrion had prepared for her and M'gann. He also noted that her gloved hand that had gripped the glass was shaking from exhaustion.
"Zatanna! Don't drink that, it might be drugged!" M'gann blurted out before pulling the wine glass out of her friend's shaking hand and setting it out of her reach.
"You worry far too much. I'll have you know I have never-" Tyrion paused in thought before rapidly amending his statement. "I have hardly ever stooped to such ungentlemanly behavior." When the raven haired girl quickly shoved the goblet even further away from herself, Tyrion made a point of frustratedly stomping over and draining half of it in one gulp before wiping his chin. "And Zatanna is a very pretty name."
"And you're a very ugly, chauvinistic, pompous ass. But I've seen worse." Tyrion shrugged off the series of insults and sat down across from the two women. "I'm sorry, I always get snippy when I lose." Zatanna stated, her right hand closing into a tight fist until he made it a point to put his hand over hers.
A stunning vocabulary, even if she's only half right about me. He wasn't surprised when Zatanna pulled her gloved hand away from him, but he paid it no mind as he met their respective gazes. "I'm under the distinct impression you and your friend were in some kind of brawl. So, you know how to fight, and you're still alive. To me those are two useful things working in your favor. It means you'll get another chance at the bastard that made the mistake of crossing you."
Tyrion noted how the ravened hair woman slammed her hand onto the table's edge at the reminder. He recognized the reaction as a warrior having lost a critically important fight and yet still lived to carry the burden of the loss. It only intrigued the little Lannister further. "I can't believe I let a twelve year old boy- I mean-"
"A child did this to you?" Suddenly Tyrion didn't sound nearly as confident. "I may have to retract my last statement."
When her cyan colored eyes gained a dangerous edge, the little Lannister had to wonder if he shouldn't have opened his mouth for once. Something in those eyes contained more than anger at the verbal slight, but it was gone before he could ponder it further, and instead, focused on the mischievous smirk on Zatanna's lips. "Really now?" Tyrion about fell from his high back wooden chair when the raven haired woman opened her left hand, and a ball of fire appeared in her outstretched palm. "Care to retract your retraction?" When she closed her hand, the flame disappeared with only a puff of black smoke, and to his even bigger surprise, the glove was completely unmarked when she opened her fingers again.
"I stand corrected. He must have been a very naughty little boy indeed." Tyrion seemed to ponder her smoking palm for a moment. "You must save quite the bundle on torches… So you have real magic and your friend can read minds, along with freezing people with a mere glance. Quite remarkable talents that haven't been seen in Westeros since the time of the fabled Children. That was quite a few thousands of years ago. My advice? Don't let anyone know what you are. You will either be killed on sight or imprisoned, tortured and killed later, and that's being generous."
"He's telling the truth. In fact, he hasn't lied yet, but most of his mind his heavily guarded." M'gann stated as she looked to her friend, who nodded before they turned back to their host. "And I didn't freeze you, I simply paralyzed your muscles."
"Ah. I see." Tyrion nodded his head at the unneeded clarification.
Zatanna rolled her eyes at M'gann's seemingly eternal naivete, focusing on the short man in front of her. "Thanks for the tip by the way. I'm sure we'd never have figured that out on our own." The girl's sarcasm came naturally, and Tyrion guessed that it was a defense mechanism, just as his own was when something didn't work out as he had planned.
He found that he quite enjoyed having someone that seemed to share his kind of humor, and even better, seemed to have a modicum of intelligence. "Oh I'm going to like you quite a bit. I thought I was the only one with a brazen wit in this entire city, and I'm glad to see I was mistaken this time." Just as he was about to take a sip from his nearly empty goblet, the door to his chambers opened. "Ah, Maester Pycelle. Ladies, Grand Maester Pycelle, our resident authority on most things useless and long winded, healing being one of his better talents." Just don't let him be alone in a room with either of you. Rumor has it he has wandering hands, lecherous old fart that he is.
And we're so much safer in your hands, right? Tyrion smirked at the fact he could still hear Zatanna's sarcasm in his mind.
As I said before, I have a fondness for women in need... although most of the time that need is of a particular kind that I am quite happy to satisfy. Zatanna could only roll her eyes again while M'gann's cheeks darkened again at his badly hidden double entendre. His smirk only grew when Maester Pycelle looked at the three of them in curiosity, having no idea what was going on. Tyrion found he preferred keeping the lecherous old man in the dark about this aspect of his new found friends. "Pardon me Pycelle, would you care for a drink or some food perhaps? You do look ever so weary from your long walk to my chambers."
If Pycelle noticed the Lannister's sarcasm, he didn't say as he made his way to Tyrion's table. "No, thank you m'lord. I have taken my breakfast already. Now, who might these beautiful two young ladies be... and how did they come to harm?" When said two ladies shared a glance, Tyrion had to bite his tongue when Zatanna muttered something under her breath. Whatever spell she had cast took immediate effect as Pycelle's eyes glazed over and he stood straight as a post. "What is your command?"
Tyrion could only stare in shock as the old grand maester blankly gazed at them before walking forward without the limp he normally always possessed. Letting his gaze fall on Zatanna and M'gann, the sorceress shrugged, all the while moving the fingers of her left hand as if she were manipulating a puppet. "That's more like it. Now we won't have to worry about wandering hands. I almost feel bad for pulling this stunt, but I'd rather he not remember us just yet. Not until we know what we've gotten ourselves into."
"Remind me to never get on your bad side." Tyrion shuddered at the flirtatious smirk Zat threw his way as Pycelle's shambling gait became puppeteer like. Gone was the slumped over maester that pretended to be far weaker than he truly was. In his place was for all intents and purposes, a mindless doll that Zatanna manipulated with nothing more than the fingertips of her left hand. Despite his shock at just how powerful they were, Tyrion found his curiosity far outweighed any fear he felt around them. "I do have to wonder just what other secrets he's been keeping though. I never believed the frail old man routine, but to see how easily he moves under your control does make me quite curious. M'gann?"
"No." Tyrion shot her a surprised look at her flat refusal. "There was a time I might not have been so hesitant, but that time has come and gone. I won't break into his mind, even if he is a creepy old man and a liar. If that's his only crime then it's not nearly enough of a reason to damage him beyond repair."
"An intelligent woman with a sense of morality? Now there is a surprise. Most intelligent women with power of any kind always want the same thing, more power. In our case, that's a spot on the Iron Throne, but in your case? Oh the things I could do with the wondrous skills you possess M'gann." Holding up his right hand before she could come up with a response, Tyrion continued. "But, I can already tell that you will not compromise your honor or moral code, even though it will only get you killed in this place." Sinking into a contemplative silence, Tyrion paid the upright maester no mind as he tended to their wounds under Zatanna's 'guidance.' When at last he did speak, he had to rub his head in exasperation since he had a feeling things weren't going to end well. "The gods only know how this will turn out, but I think your chances will drastically improve if both of you were to stay with me."
"Yeah right. You're just going to take us in out of the goodness of your heart." Zatanna hissed at him, as Pycelle stitched up one of her cuts.
"You'd be fools to believe it if I had said as much, so I congratulate you on your powers of perception Zatanna. No, what I propose would be a mutually beneficial arrangement. Keep me alive, and I'll keep you and your friend alive to the best of my ability. A Lannister always pays his debts, and let us say there are plenty of people in this land that would gladly separate my head from the rest of my body if ever given the chance, my own father among them. Now, back to the matter at hand."
Tyrion noticed with a mix of amusement and concern that M;gann's eyes were back to their reddish hue when her excited curiosity got the better of her. Most people would chalk it up to a trick of the light, but he knew a few that wouldn't be so easily fooled. "We'd need any information you have about this wo-"
"You'll receive everything you could ever want to know and more M'gann. King's Landing has quite the library." Out of habit, Tyrion started for the door to retrieve a few books, but then thought better of it.
It was probably just as well. He could feel a pair of cyan eyes boring holes through his forehead. "I think you two are getting way ahead of yourselves. We aren't staying. As soon as I'm back on my feet, I'm sending us home." Even as the words left her mouth though, Zatanna had a feeling it wouldn't be that easy. "And why don't you just rip anything you want to know out of his head? I'm sure he wouldn't mind. Right?" Never before had Tyrion found a woman's gaze to be as arousing and terrifying in equal measure.
"Wait, what? You can read people's thoughts, communicate silently, and plunder their memories?" Tyrion turned his attention towards M'gann, looking at the young redhead with a whole new appreciation. "So, your hesitance earlier had merit to it. Hmm, I would tell you to take a dip into Pycelle's brain, but I know you won't." Tyrion filled his goblet and downed it in one go. "Well then, have at me. Just be gentle, it's my first time with a beautiful mind reader. Besides, I get the feeling I'm not going anywhere until you both know I'm telling you the truth. A rather odd turn of events for me, but none the less there it is."
"At least you're calm about all this." M'gann didn't have to read his mind to know that wasn't true.
"Oh, I am utterly terrified my dear, but intrigued nonetheless."
"You don't have to be afraid. It's true that I could leave your mind in ruins, but I promised myself I'd never do something like that again."
"Forgive me if I don't take you at your word." Tyrion held up a finger as M'gann stepped closer. "If you leave me a drooling idiot, please make sure to leave at least a few pleasant memories of my glorious drunken debauchery intact."
M'gann giggled as she put a hand on Tyrion's shoulder. "I'll see what I can do." Tyrion stared in fascination when her eyes started to glow green, and the next words he heard were once again only in his head. This might feel a little strange. The next thing Tyrion saw was a flash of light behind his eyes before he found himself standing in the exact same room, only there wasn't a storm cloud in sight, and Zatanna seemed to have vanished into thin air. "It's a mental representation." Turning to his right, Tyrion saw M'gann as she had appeared upon their arrival, minus her injures and her shredded clothing. "This is how you see things around you. Everyone has a different perception of the world."
He found it no surprise that he saw things as they truly were, not as some people wanted them to be. "And how I see you as well. A beautiful creature such as yourself should not be forced to hide behind boringly normal expectations. That shade of green is quite fetching after all."
"And I know you're only saying that because you want to have sex with me." Despite her annoyed tone, Tyrion couldn't hide the smirk on his face at the blush that appeared on the young woman's cheeks.
"Well, that doesn't make my words any less true, now does it? Come now M'gann, I thought you were supposed to be in my head? Yet I seem to have gotten in yours. It makes me wonder if you've ever had a lover the way you blush and scowl at the slightest insinuation."
Pulling a stray red hair back behind her ear, it was all M'gann could do not to stutter as she spoke again. "I um... we're here to find information about your world, not me."
Tyrion's eyebrows shot up as the girl averted her gaze, finding an interesting stone pillar to stare at.
"I'll take that as a no then. Truly shocking, I must say."
"My life was complicated! Oh nevermind."
"Sounds like an excuse to me. But if it will make you feel less uncomfortable, I'll leave it be. I feel I must ask though, who was the lucky man, or woman that had your heart?" Tyrion was momentarily shocked when an image appeared behind M'gann before it disappeared. He had caught a hint of black hair and big, blue eyes, set into a chiseled face that would have made his brother jealous. "At least he's a handsome fellow."
"What?!" M'gann's red eye widened before she did an awful job of trying to recompose herself. "I mean, I'm going to probe your mind now. I'll take it slow at first."
Tyrion couldn't help himself as he grinned up at the flustered green woman. "Will this be requiring lubrication of any sort?"
"No! Now just- answer my questions. Where are we?" M'gann had her answer as a detailed map of the land appeared behind the Lannister, but whether he was aware of it or not didn't stop him from speaking.
"I recall mentioning this before, but I will gladly reiterate for you. We, are in King's Landing. Which is the capital of the Seven Kingdoms of Westeros." Tyrion paused for a moment. "Westeros is a continent."
"I know what a continent is!" M'gann blurted out with an aggravated huff. Taking a breath, she forced herself to calm down as she examined the memories her question had brought up. "The North, the Iron Islands, the Vale, the Westerlands, the Stormlands, Dorne, and the Reach." Each name brought more information regarding who ruled what, their House mottos, and what they were known best for. All of it was surprisingly detailed, vivid, and categorized in Tyrion's mind, making it easy for M'gann to file it away in turn. Despite the vast amount of information, she was able to process it in mere minutes.
"I fear my social life will take far longer." Tyrion's lips curled into a smirk as the sound of passionate lovemaking filled the room.
"I'm not interested in that!" M'gann's startled red eyes darted away from the sight of two women pleasuring each other for his amusement while a younger Tyrion watched with glee while a third pleasured him with her mouth.
Seeing M'gann's almost panicked gaze, Tyrion immediately focused on something more mundane. "My apologies." The image disappeared as well as the sound effects associated with that particularly fun afternoon, and was replaced by one he could have done without. "Ah, say hello to my father. Tywin Lannister of Casterly Rock. That was the year he put me in charge of the cisterns and drains of our fair home. Shit never flowed better after I was done, but did he give me so much as a thank you?" The old gentleman was imposing to look upon, and the cold, stone like visage belonging to the older Lannister made M'gann think of Bruce Wayne while he was in costume. She did well to hide that from Tyrion's curious gaze.
"I take it your father isn't a forgiving man." M'gann stated as more memories of Tywin's cruelty towards Tyrion played out behind him. While there were no examples of physical cruelty, the fact became painfully clear that there had never been any love between the two Lannisters.
Tyrion was surprised to find that the realization of his ability to control this strange mental realm as easily as his guide brought more a feeling of guilt than satisfaction. "That would be putting it mildly. I see I have managed to upset you twice in as many minutes. If time has any meaning here that is."
"It does, sort of." It'd be too complicated to explain to even to the sharp minded Lord, so M'gann didn't even try.
"Well, let's not waste it then shall we? I'll make you a fair bargain, a question for a question." Tyrion held up a hand at M'gann's doubtful expression . "Don't worry, I will be a perfect gentleman hence forth."
"Alright." She reluctantly acquiesced, but Tyrion knew better.
"Hmm, most curious. I believe you are very not 'alright', judging from this truly mind boggling mix of emotions I'm feeling. I can only assume some of them aren't mine. Which means my earlier suspicions are right. This connection of yours works both ways, and while I doubt I could force my way into your head the way you've done with mine, it does provide plenty of back roads, as we both know by now." An image of what could only be described as some form of magical combat appeared behind the young woman as a very familiar red lightning was cast about a small group of people by a young boy. One of them had a strange blue armor that moved and melded to his form, another moved faster than Tyrion could follow, and yet another seemed capable of physical feats that made the Mountain look like a child by comparison. "Ah, fascinating, thank you for proving my point."
"Stop doing that!"
"Doing what exactly?"
"Being... you."
Tyrion blinked at that, oddly insulted by her request. "Oh. Well that might prove to be rather impossible. Shall we continue? Please, ladies first."
"What year is this?" M'gann said with an almost physical groan as she put a hand against her head in frustration at his irritating personality.
"We don't tend to worry over small amounts of time, all you need to know is that it is Summer currently, and has been for the past seven years." It didn't take him long to register the surprise on M'gann's face as his words sunk in. "I take it your seasons aren't quite as straight forward. Ah, four seasons that rotate throughout the year. And now you're thinking of multiple realities? My you are full of surprises. Wait, what is this orbital tilt concept? Ah...so we are on a rock spinning about a flaming ball of this 'hydrogen' gas that is our sun. All our learned scholars got it very wrong now didn't they?"
"Your ability to comprehend new information is astonishing."
"I might be many things M'gann, but slow witted is not one of them. I'm willing to cast aside doubt for the moment. If you believe these incredible things, so shall I." With the flood of vivid texts and images behind the strange woman anytime he asked about something new, he was quite certain that he was wrong to doubt her.
Suddenly she frowned as the flow of information behind her came to an abrupt halt. "You're already planning on using any information I give you to your advantage."
"As much fun as it might be to debate the finer points of how our world came to be like this, I wouldn't be believed by anyone. Such concepts are highly protected by the faith this world is known for, and thus it's better not to question too loudly. This idea of a magnetic compass however, that could prove most valuable."
"If Richard were here right now, he'd be ranting about how badly I've screwed up the 'Prime Directive' already."
"The belief that you've altered the destiny of our world by sharing too much with me?" Tyrion smiled as he delved deeper into her current line of thought before she could pull the plug on him again. "I must say, I do admire this Kirk character. Bedding different womanly species every night and saving the universe by day, sometimes at the same time. Speaking of different species, I see you aren't exactly being truthful about what you true lineage either." Once again, his ever changing thought processes had thrown M'gann's control off, and she had let slip something she had hoped he wouldn't have come across, ever. Clamping down on that particular thought, Tyrion was almost disappointed she buried it so thoroughly and completely before he could even get a good look at it. "You keep that deeply buried, but I can still sense how much you'd prefer to keep it that way even now. Keep your secrets M'gann, but I do hope you trust me enough one day to share it."
Changing the subject as quickly as she could, the next image behind her was that of the local stars around her corner of the galaxy. "We're not on Earth, or even in the Sol system."
Tyrion did the same as a view of the night sky appeared behind him a moment later, but his view wasn't outside a planet's orbit as M'gann's was. "Most definitely not going by your astrological charts. None of our stars match M'gann, and I have spent a lot of time staring at the night sky. I'm one of the few men that actually cares about such things I'll admit, but I have more time for frivolous pursuits than most. This upsets you too I see, but you also have a deep seated curiosity as well."
"And you didn't even have to read my mind." M'gann found herself at Tyrion's table once more, and sighed heavily as she looked at the stone floor between her feet.
Whether she realized that she was projecting the memories of her lonely childhood or not, Tyrion chose not to mention it. Despite the very different worlds they came from, he recognized prejudice and hatred of the unknown all too well. While again he was disappointed she didn't reveal her true form to him, appearing to still have enough of her concentration to hide that from him, Tyron decided he had seen enough of her pain as he chose his next words with care. "M'gann. If anyone can find a way back to your world, I am sure you and your friend will manage."
"I think that's enough for now." M'gann finally said as she stood to her feet again and turned her back to him.
He didn't need to sense her sorrow to see his words had devastated her hopes. "Are you sure? There is much more I would gladly share with you." Tyrion averted his gaze for a moment. "I have dashed your hopes of an expedient return home. I apologize for this. Zatanna is a powerful sorceress, but you fear now that you've seen my thoughts that her magic won't work in this world as it did in yours."
M'gann cocked a quizzical red eyebrow, as she gave Tyrion a look that reeked of pity. "You're actually being honest, and it scares you a little. That's... sad."
"Well, one might say I am my own sad little king of a sad little hill, so it fits I suppose."
"And you like to plagiarize too."
"Guilty as charged."
"I'm cutting the link now, are you ready?"
"M'gann, I would just like you to know I'm an admirer of paraphrasing as well." He started to speak in quiet sing song voice. "A coat of green, a coat of white, your beauty has no pause." Tyrion was gladdened when M'gann hesitantly smiled and nodded her head in appreciation at his choice of words.
Once more, a bright light flashed before his eyes, and he found himself back on his balcony in the real King's Landing. What he found surprising was that M'gann's presence in his mind lingered, and that he could feel a sense of trust that hadn't been there before. "So, what say you to a bit of breakfast? Oh? Maester Pycelle is gone. How long has it been?"
"Two hours. I was starting to wonder if you'd ever wake up." Zatanna said with a shrug before noting the way M'gann instinctively moved closer to the little Lannister. "I take it he's not such a bad guy then?"
"No….but we have a problem Zatanna."
Present Day.
Winterfell
Zatanna Zatara, M'gann M'Orzz, and Artemis Lian Crock
"So that's why we never made it back." Artemis shook her head and considered banging her head against the table she, Zatanna, a disguised Megan, and their new friend had taken when they had been able to sit down at the welcoming feast. "Perfect. Just perfect."
Tyrion leaned closer to the distraught girl and reached to place a hand over hers before Zat shook her head sharply. "As I told your two wonderful friends, you are still alive and well. Not only that, but you've seen to adapted quite nicely to your situation my dear Arty."
Artemis's gray eyes snapped up in time to see Tyrion jerk his hand back. "Easy there Lannister. They can call me that, I only just met you." Even as she lifted the mug of ale that was in front of her towards her lips, the annoyed glare she shot to Tyrion never faltered.
"My apologies. It is rather odd, to be fair." Tyrion merely shrugged in the face of her open hostility. "I have gotten to know you quite well without ever actually meeting you Artemis, thanks to your friends. They failed to capture your intimidating glare though, or the fascinating way your eyes sparkle when you're annoyed. Just like now."
"Then you know I could shoot you between the eyes at a thousand meters right? And I rarely miss." Artemis shot back with a smirk that most of the Stark men found intimidating.
"She hasn't stabbed me or punched me in the throat. I think she's beginning to like me." He said to the two on both sides of him before turning his amused grin back towards the blonde in front of him. "Listen Artemis, despite what you might think of my family, I'm not an enemy of your's or the Starks that you've fallen in with. Whether you wish my assistance or not, it will always be available to you."
"When I need a headache, I'll find you." Artemis countered, her dubious glare never softening in the slightest.
"Artemis, please, he really isn't such a bad guy." Zatanna said as she reached out to stop the archer from leaving the table. With a huff, she took her seat again and motioned for them to make their case. "I know you'll agree when I say Westeros is very different from anything we're used to."
"We know it couldn't have been easy for you." M'gann quietly said, as she glanced towards Zatanna before placing a hand on Arty's shoulder. "We had each other... and you had no one."
"What your overly sensitive friends are trying to say is that they are relieved beyond belief that not only are you still alive, but you seem to have been just as blessed in the company you've fallen into as they are... And they did indeed have had each other, as many an ear rattling scream can attest." Tyrion didn't know what he found more amusing, the utterly shocked look on Artemis' face, or the deep crimson tint to his friend's faces as they tried to avoid eye contact with the archer.
From the way Artemis sputtered and coughed, having taken a drink from her glass again, it was all she could do not to spit her ale all over Tyrion. "You….and….M'gann have….seriously?!"
"I take it this is news to you." Tyrion chuckled until he found a carving knife wedged by his right ear as if Zatanna had pulled it from her sleeve. "If you're going to ruin perfectly fine cutlery, at least have the courtesy not to aim it at my chair."
Artemis looked ready to drag the man into a quiet storeroom for a little one on one interrogation. "The next one goes through your left eye if you don't start making sense."
"Noted. Well, I for one applaud their open mindedness and willingness to explore-"
"Not THAT." Artemis could barely keep her voice down as she gave serious thought to impaling the Imp's hand with another serving knife. Instead she turned to Zatanna and Megan next. "And you willingly spend time with this guy, on purpose? I'd have killed him the first week. Hell, maybe the first day."
"He was a bit of a jerk at first." Zatanna admitted with a subtle grin thrown Tyrion's way before her grin disappeared a moment later. "But he did help us adjust to the political backstabbing that's common place among the high born of King's Landing. Everyone's trying to gain control of the Seven Kingdoms for their own ends, except for the Starks and the Tullies it seems. Everyone from the Boltons to the Baratheons have been at the Red Keep at some point or another, not counting Robert I mean."
Tyrion was quick to add his two coppers at that moment. "Yes, Winterfell must be quaintly peaceful in comparison to our glorious capital. And you already have a friend here! How utterly convenient for a point I'd like to once again-"
"You aren't persuading us to stay behind in Winterfell with Arty, Tyrion, so stop trying." Megan stated in such a way that even Tyrion gave up the argument. "We told you before we left to come here, we weren't about to abandon you after everything you did for us when we dropped in."
"I think I'm gonna be sick. You two really like this guy." Artemis looked between her two old friends and readjusted her opinion of the Lannister dwarf in front of her. "Well, if they like you, then I guess you can't be that bad, for a Lannister. I can't believe I just said that."
"The same could be said of you Lady Crock."
"I'm a guard not a Lady, you can drop the charm act . You wouldn't get into my pants if it could save an entire planet."
"Really? And you've done such a fantastic job of saving your's too." At Artemis's dubious glare, Tyrion glanced at his two companions before shrugging his small shoulders again. "We had much time to talk over the last two years Artemis. I've learned quite a lot from these two, and I am most grateful you were on the right side during that nasty business with Savage and his group of miscreants." Holding up his hand again before Artemis could begin to protest, Tyrion met her steely gaze with a look that could almost be defined as sad. "I can't begin to imagine what it was like to fight your old friends Artemis, to hide behind Zatanna's sorcery to complete your mission as you did, but they have spoken quite highly of you despite what you were forced to do during that time. In that respect, we're the same. I do what I must to honor my House, but I am not my family, I am but a member of it, going through life in my own fashion, the same as you."
"Is there anything you two didn't tell him about me?!" Artemis tersely whispered, her fists clenching in anger.
"Your favorite sexual position never came up despite several thorough attempts to learn your intimate preferences." Tyrion offered helpfully before Zatanna could stop him.
M'gann's eyes glowed for the briefest of moments when Artemis lunged across the table, only to suddenly change her mind and sit back down. "Be glad there's a crowd right now. Otherwise I'd happily gut you like a fish." Artemis said through clenched teeth as she got up from the table and stomped away.
"She'll remember that." Zatanna said when the main hall door slammed shut behind the archer.
"I hope so. If she forgets, be a good magician and remind her." Just as Tyrion started to get up from the table to talk with some of the men that were still gathered in the hall, a black blur brushed by right in front of him. "Another friend of yours I take it. Bart Allen I presume, and a member of the Night's Watch to boot." The blur that had blown by him turned around and stopped right in front of Tyrion, and he nodded as the doors opened again. It came as no surprise that Benjen Stark had followed the speedster to Winterfell, but before the First Ranger could so much as step through the door, Artemis had ran back in and all but tackled Bart.
"Easy there Arty! Choking, not breathing!" Despite his protests, the giant smirk on Bart's face was undeniable as he embraced the exuberant blonde in return about the same time Zatanna and M'gann joined in the group hug.
"Bart!"
"Actually it's Impulsivus Maximus now." Bart grinning at the dumbfounded look on their faces. "Kidding! Man if this isn't crashing the mode, I don't know what will!" Once he was able to slip free of his three old friends, Bart waved Benjen over and wasn't disappointed as the stern faced ranger held out his hand to Artemis first. "Arty, Benjen Stark, First Ranger and a good friend of mine. Benny boy, Artemis Crock, Zatanna Zatarra, and Megan Morse."
"I do believe you mean M'gann." Tyrion said with a subtle wink.
"It's an honor to meet you in person at last. I had heard rumors and stories from Allen for quite some time since he joined our Watch along the Wall." Benjen stated, ignoring the Lannister's snark completely as he firmly grasped their respective hands one by one, stopping in front of Artemis. "I can see why Ned has taken a liking to you now that I've seen you myself. A few vague messages did you no justice."
"Your brother's a very good man. I couldn't have asked for better." Artemis said without a moment's thought. I like this guy already.
"I'm glad to see he hasn't forgotten his manners then." Benjen said with a smirk before he caught sight of Ned himself. "Excuse me." With his kind dismissal, Benjen shot Bart a subtle nod, which must have been a cue he could mingle as he liked while he talked with his brother.
"He's actually a nice guy when he isn't walking the ass end of the world. The cold up there makes it feel like summer here." Bart said once Benjen was out of sight amidst the crowd, having had the time to run to the banquet table, fix himself a plate, and run back to the group. "You look good guys. Especially you Arty. Oh, who's this?" Cheshire had chosen that moment to peek her head out from under the table, much to Tyrion's surprise since he could have sworn the direwolf hadn't been present before. "Is she a wolf?"
"A direwolf actually, and I call her Cheshire. She's about as sneaky as my sister too. And what's with the black outfit Bart?" She knew what it was, what it meant, but she had a feeling Bart would make it sound like it wasn't a big deal, being dressed all in black.
"Oh, this thing? Had to wear something after my old stuff wore out." Bart shrugged, as predicted, and continued to stuff his face faster than three men put together.
Tyrion leaned forward in mild curiosity, voicing what he knew the three women were already thinking about. "So, you've taken the oath then?"
"Not yet actually." To their shock and amazement, Bart lost the goofy grin and looked at them in a way that brought to mind the bleak future he had left behind. "I've seen some pretty strange stuff since patrolling the Wall, and I never would have said this before Klarion hit us, but there's something almost mystical about that place. It's not so much that I think it's haunted or anything, but I guess I just haven't found the right time to say the words and bind myself to the cause. And there is a real need for people out there, trust me. Why do you think Ben's here?"
"The deserter we ran down a month ago." Artemis supplied, earning a surprised glance from Bart. "Yeah, I was present for that. He was insane with terror. Was rambling about white walkers and looked all kinds of crazy."
Bart shrugged, as if he had expected as much. "Can't blame him for feeling the mode big time, major bad mojo happening north of the Wall. Wildings are running scared, you've seen a direwolf, have one following you around even, and we've been losing rangers left and right either because they see something out there or they go missing, never to be seen again. And if they are seen again….they aren't human anymore."
"What do you mean?" M'gann asked, having a feeling they weren't going to like the answer.
"I mean they come back as zombies. Blue eyes as cold as ice are the only thing they share, that and they don't have a pulse anymore. They were seriously moded, and they almost got me when I asked to go out there and find three of our missing crows. I found one, but half his chest was missing, opened up by a sword. I didn't see the rest until they started to close in on me."
"Oh please, don't tell me you three are taking this boy's grim fairy tale seriously?" Tyrion squirmed under a barrage of feminine glares. He was almost struck silent when Bart pulled his armor aside and revealed the old ax scar from the wight's swing. "I see I'm mistaken again... my apologies."
"That bad huh?" Artemis only received a hesitant nod from Bart before a cold shiver went down her spine. It only took a glance towards Zatanna and M'gann to see they were just as worried as Bart, but Tyrion didn't look convinced. "I take it you're not a big believer in the Night's Watch."
"No, I'm not. You know the stories Artemis, so I shall spare you the details. It's become a collection of the worst the Kingdoms has to offer, so it's little wonder that so few believe there are grumpkins and snarks and whatever other nonsense the old people of the realm like to tell unruly children. Still, seeing the Wall with my own eyes would be quite the diversion. Also, it might be fun to piss off the top of it while I'm there." Again, the three women gave him dubious glares while Bart almost choked on a piece of bacon from laughing so hard.
Artemis threw her hands in the air, not having the slightest clue why two of her closest friends would want anything to do with him. "I'll say it again, you purposely spend time with him. Why?"
"Despite his rude and sarcastic veneer, he has a good heart underneath the armor he's forged against his sister and father." M'gann said without a moment's thought. "After spending time with his family, I can't blame him for hiding behind his sharp tongue and sharper wit."
"Daddy issues huh?"
"As I recall from many an interesting tale of attempted fratricide, you are an expert on that particular subject. Arty."
"Was an expert. I haven't seen my folks since I got here." Despite her nonchalant response, everyone at the table could hear Artemis's teeth grinding together.
"And I'm sure you're quite happy to have avoided them for so long. I can only hope I may be as blessed one day." Tyrion told the young archer with a knowing grin. "Well, this has been quite a stimulating conversation, but I think I need to step outside. I have a strong urge to make the bald man cry."
Bart just stared blankly at the Lannister. "Huh?"
"I'm going to take a piss…" Tyrion said each word slowly as if speaking to a child, so his meaning didn't escape the speedster's understanding twice. "You really must pick up some of the local vocabulary if you don't wish to stick out like a sore cock."
"He'd know all about that." Zatanna muttered under her breath before shaking her head as Tyrion turned around and bowed at them before going outside. With an amused chuckle, Zatanna looked back to the people around her, a twinkle in her eyes. "He really isn't such a bad guy, but he doesn't do tact well. On the other hand, he's a dangerously clever man, so what he lacks in tact, he makes up for by understanding people and why they do the things they do. That's why we trust him so readily, because he wasn't afraid of us….after we explained ourselves."
"That was...my fault. I tried to interrogate him, but he ended up figuring out a way to manipulate my link in mere minutes and learned just as much about me as I did about him and Westeros in general." M'gann looked at the table in embarrassment and shame until she felt a hand on her shoulder.
"Hey, ya did what you had to do Megan." Artemis stated before turning her attention to the head table, where Robert was currently lip locked with a serving girl. "Guess the stories about him are dead on. And his wife's just watching him go. Sheesh, and he calls himself a king? If he's supposed to be the guy in charge, we're in trouble."
"You have no idea how true that is." Zatanna stated as she shared a significant look with M'gann before leveling her gaze on Artemis. They knew it was bad news when the martian established their old link. We have a pretty strong suspicion Jon Arryn was murdered, poisoned to be exact.
Yeah, from what I've heard, there's only a few dozen people that might have wanted The Hand dead. And now Ned- Lord Stark is getting sucked into the political cesspool. He's a good man and he'll be dead in a month. Artemis sighed heavily and didn't resist the urge to bang her head against the table this time. Perfect.
M'gann was quick to stop her before Artemis could get herself worked up more than she had already. No. Not if you can get him to trust at least me and Zatanna. We might be with Tyrion now, but we can try to protect him since you're in league with him. We might have spent two years apart, but your friendship is still just as valued by us now as it was before Klarion kidnapped us.
Artemis looked at M'gann strangely at her choice of words, but said nothing and kept her suspicions to herself as she nodded her head in thanks regardless. Something about M'gann's statement had sounded off, but she chalked it up to their time apart and having spent so much time with the dwarf. Besides, she's my friend, surely she hasn't gone Lannister…. That thought followed on the heels of a second when Cheshire gently nipped at her hand. I'm one to talk about choosing sides. She locked her paranoia in a box and buried it, determined to see her old friends as they had been before Klarion had dropped them in Westeros.
Zat rolled her eyes at the two women, while a confused Bart watched their facial expressions. Enough with the worrying you two! This is a party, we should relax and catch up, not waste time complaining about a world we can do little to change. Besides, I want to see your buddy Ned before I go back to constantly look over my shoulder. Why don't you introduce us?
"Um guys, I think you forgot to... you know." Bart tapped at his head, having expected M'gann to connect him to the mental link.
"Um Bart? You're all in black, and vows or not, I thought you aren't supposed to take sides?" Artemis carefully asked the young boy, not wanting to dampen his cheerful spirit. Even if she knew, especially because she knew, it was his defense mechanism. When you were born at the end of the world, you took what comfort you could from the few people you could trust. He'd never had many of them in his life, and she wasn't about to make him think he'd lost the few he had left.
"Oh yeah….but when has that ever stopped us?" His beaming smile faltered slightly when no one responded. "We're always on each other's side right?"
"Of course we are." Artemis playfully hugged Bart against her with a smile, but it didn't quite reach her gray eyes. Only Zatanna and M'gann noted her hesitance, but like her, they didn't say a word about it. "Come on, might as well save Lord Stark from his guests." Artemis motioned for them to follow her to the head table, while plotting a course away from Robert just in case he made the mistake of making a pass at her. King or not, it wouldn't have stopped her from putting him on his fat ass. Only the few Lannister men between her and the table got in her way, but most of them were wise enough to avoid her when she narrowed her eyes at them. All of them except one.
"I see why everyone thinks you're a long lost relative of ours. Never thought I'd be surprised the rumors were true, but here you are." Jaime Lannister smirked and crossed his arms over his chest as he met Artemis's gray eyed glare without hesitation. "You certainly have our smug veneer down, I'd almost say you were a bastard of my father's, but the chances of that are about as good as a Dothraki not ass raping one of his slaves."
"Charming coming from you Kingslayer." Jaime shrugged but said nothing as Artemis cocked her head and crossed her own arms under her breasts. "Just had a nice chat with your brother Tyrion, I can see where he gets his sharp tongue from."
"Ah my dear brother. He has quite a few uses for that tongue of his, a fact he'll gladly brag about if you ask him. Me? I still have much to learn, but I think you'd find my skills more than sufficient. What say you Crock, care to go a few rounds?" Despite the dangerous edge to his smile, Artemis wasn't afraid of Jaime in the slightest.
"Depends, do you like having your pretty face broken?" Artemis ignored the restraining hand on her shoulder as she took a step closer to the smug bastard in front of her.
"I can see why Lord Stark likes you. It's refreshing to meet a woman with spirit, and a stubborn streak a mile long." Jaime raised his cup with a smug grin and a short nod of his head. "Or so I've been told."
"And what else have you heard about me Kingslayer?"
"That you rarely miss your man and that your family has quite the collection of thieves and assassins in their ranks. You must be in the wrong place if that's true, I thought the infamous Stark honor wouldn't abide that kind of thing to linger."
"I'm not my family, nor are they my crimes." Artemis shot back, just as fast as she loosed an arrow from her bow.
Jaime was taken aback by her surprisingly wise words, and his grin lost the dangerous edge to it as he nodded his head again. "Well said. Megan, Zatanna, and a member of the Night's Watch? You certainly have friends in strange places."
"Or exactly where I need them." Her smirking glare would have dissuaded most men by now, but Jaime Lannister wasn't most men.
"It's seems I have mistaken the keen mind that stands before me for yet another soldier. A pleasure to have met you Artemis Crock, I need not delay you further." Artemis tried not to roll her eyes in irritation as Jamie gave her a small bow. "Oh, if you find yourself in the capital, I'm sure I'll see you in the tournament. We could use an upstart like you shaking things up."
Despite the baited challenge to her pride that Jaime had no doubt phrased to wound her ego, Artemis was all too ready to put him on the defensive. "Count on it Lannister. I'll try not to gloat too much when I beat you."
"I'd like to see you try. People have been swinging at me for years, but they always seem to miss." Before she could come up with an appropriate comeback, Jaime had disappeared into the crowd, leaving her to grind her teeth in frustration yet again.
"I hate that guy." Bart succinctly summed up Artemis's feelings about Jaime Lannister before the archer pushed her way to where she had last seen Ned.
"Try living with him and his sister for two years." Zatanna muttered darkly before her frown disappeared when she and the rest of the group stood before Lord Eddard Stark at last, having just finished talking with his brother Benjen.
Having found him leaning against a pillar in the main hall, Artemis started the introductions. "M'lord, may I present-"
Eddard wave her off with a stern scowl. "How many times must I ask you not to call me that? No matter, so... these are a few of the courageous friends you so often spoke of eh?" Ned turned to glance at the trio standing next to her. "Let me guess. Zatanna Zatara, Bartholomew Allen, and M-Megan Morse, correct?"
"Bartholomew?" Bart quietly mouthed, the instant Stark took his gaze off him as Arty gently poked him in the ribs. "I mean, this feast is super crash your Lordness."
Arty held up a hand at the mix of confusion and amusement on Eddard's face. "Don't ask. It's just something he says."
"I can see why Artemis has stayed with you and your family Lord Stark. Your people have been very warm and inviting since our arrival." Zatanna said in turn, and no one doubted her genuinity. "It is a little colder than I'd like though."
"A common complaint, but you get used to it after a while." Robb had since stepped into the small gathering after seeing his sister to bed. "I must apologize for not introducing myself sooner. Being the eldest son makes for a busy host."
"Please, there's no need to apologize for being a good brother and son." M'gann quietly said as the man nodded to each of them in turn, his gaze lingering half a beat longer on the blonde archer next to her. "It's an honor to meet you. Artemis has been telling us about her stay here in Winterfell, and Lord Tyrion also had a lot of good things to say about your family."
"Did she tell you how we met?" Ned asked before Robb or Artemis could say anything about his true feelings toward the Lannisters. Besides, the withering glare the archer threw his way made him forget his mutual distrust of them as he laid out the verbal trap to ensnare poor Artemis.
"She failed to mention that Lord Starky." Bart was quick to bite onto the tasty bait Eddard had laid out for them. It wasn't everyday he had a chance to hear a potentially embarrassing story about Artemis.
"That's Lord Stark, Bartholomew." Arty rapidly corrected him, casting Bart a deadly glare.
"It's alright Artemis, he meant no offense. Now, where was I? Ah, yes-" Ned's eyes seem to brighten slightly as he turned to Artemis with a feigned look of guilt. "Oh forgive me, would you rather tell them the tale of your arrival in Winterfell?"
"Not really. But I have a feeling you'll happily do it for me, or Robb will, so just get it over with Ned." Artemis grumbled and waved her left hand in apparent dismissal.
"Thank you. Now it probably won't come as a surprise to the lot of you that Artemis disposed of a truly evil man shortly after making his acquaintance." The guilt in Ned's eyes was all too real now as he leaned towards Artemis. "I suppose I am to blame for that."
"No you really weren't Ned." She was quick to say before he could dwell on it further. "But I do still carry a nice gift from that bastard." Artemis grumbled as she pointed to where the knife scar still resided. "Almost gutted me. Tell Ollie, and they'll never find your bodies."
"Artemis..." Ned stated in a chiding tone before continuing. "You know full well all those who enter my lands are under my protection."
"Why do you think I said it in front of you?" Artemis shot back, proving that she was just as gifted with double speech as any Lannister, a fact that wasn't lost on Zatanna or M'gann. She had wanted them to hear Ned's promise for themselves, and heard it they had. Whether or not her intent also succeeded in getting through, she couldn't say.
Eddard mimicked Artemis's posture as he crossed his arms over his chest and raised a curious eyebrow. "Who is this 'Ollie' fellow of which you speak? I don't recall ever hearing of him."
"Just finish the damn story. M'lord." Artemis shot Robb a glare when he chuckled at her snarled comment, but the grin never left his face.
"As you wish. So, as I was saying before being interrupted yet again, your gallant young friend was mortally wounded-"
"It wasn't that bad." Artemis muttered just loud enough to be heard by an amused Ned.
"Severely wounded then." Ned waited for Artemis' begrudging nod before continuing. "As I recall you had to sear the wound shut so you wouldn't bleed to death. That however let an infection grow and fester, but she beat it as she's beaten everything else thrown her way."
"Yup, and then you nursed me to health and offered me a home. End of story." Artemis waved her hand again, and tried to put her foot down on the topic at hand.
Ned wasn't done though, not by a long shot. "Now hold on. I think you skipped a few pertinent facts Artemis." The indignant annoyance in her gray eyes only made Robb's smirk double in size while Ned showed an honest to gods smile to the people around him. "She rudely left out the part where she almost slit my son's throat. She was delirious and terrified at the time, merely trying to defend herself from his clumsy attempts at reassuring her. Given the circumstances, I easily forgave her."
"I don't remember you being as forgiving about letting her take me by surprise." It was Robb's turn to grumble as he gazed at his father with renewed interest.
"Of course not." Ned sounded as if he was saying the most obvious thing in the world as he turned to M'gann, Zat, and Bart. "Say you three come across a scared, wounded girl, what would you do?"
"The same thing you did Lord Stark. Save her life." M'gann stated without hesitation. "But we'd probably make sure she wasn't armed."
"Exactly! Getting cut would be feeling the mode big time." Bart excitedly chimed in.
"She wasn't armed, trust me." Robb muttered and cleared his throat nervously as he avoided looking at the red tint to Artemis's cheeks.
"Oh, and you'd have to be careful not to let her grab anything sharp or pointy." Zatanna helpfully supplied, throwing a flirtatious grin towards Artemis.
She growled low in her throat at the continued ribbing. "Okay, you've had your fun. Now can we move onto something else already?"
"So, just let me get this straight." Zatanna pointed to Robb before flicking her gaze back to Artemis. "You stole his own knife and held him hostage with it. But he's still alive. Huh. Weird."
"Way to go Arty!" As Bart slapped her on the back, Artemis looked like she wanted to find a nice dark hole to crawl into and die.
Seeing the glaring embarrassment in her rosy cheeks, Robb quickly came to Artemis' defence. "I was the one at fault. I was impatient to tend to her when I should have focused on calming her fears first."
"At least he's honest." M'gann said before sharing another significant glance with Zatanna. "I'm truly glad you helped her m'lord. She is not quick to trust anyone, and I'm truly grateful you've seem to have made a positive impression with her."
"Yes, well... she's been a good friend to all in Winterfell." Robb's smile had gone, replaced by the stony face worthy of a Lord of the North. "We are all the better for her presence."
Hardly anyone noticed as a small girl forced her into the middle of the group. "Did you get to the part about her only wearing the skin she was born in?"
"Arya!" Artemis shouted, absolutely mortified, and immediately groaned when all eyes fell on her.
"Wait, what?" Bart's jaw dropped as understanding dawned on him. "Ohhh... I got that one. So not only did you hold Robby boy hostage with his own knife, you did it in the buff?! That's so epically crash Arty!"
"Excuse me. I'm going to find a spear to clean and then throw myself on it." If not for the fact she was pressed in on all sides by her friends, both old and new, Artemis would have been half tempted to do exactly that.
End Notes; Vergil1989; This was one of the funniest chapters I've ever written. Tyrion Lannister is hilarious no matter what's going on.
Archer83: What can I say? Tyrion is, by far, my favorite character to write for in this story. : ) On a small personal note, I would just like to give fair warning now to anyone reading this. It's a Game of Thrones fic, eventually the fun and games will come to an end, and the night will be dark and full of terrors.
Vergil1989; Basically what he means is that we plan to stick to what makes GoT so awesome. The betrayals, the shifting alliances, the scheming, everything and everyone will appear in some form or another. And to top that all off, we will be throwing out the playbook for future events soon enough.