Short chapter, but finally we are getting into Astrid's head. There have been many mixed theories about her, it's time to find out the truth about what she has been thinking! This chap is shorter since it is dedicated to Hiccup and Astrid, I didn't want to mix to many big moments in one chap!
Laidyx: Haha love, always chose love! ;) Yes that was not something he hadn't expected he would have to do, a little awkward for him! Ahh yes, but emotions sometimes makes us act silly and without reason, even if we often should be better to control them. Not meaning I defend Astrid's behavior, it was wrong! Haha yes our favorite dragon is, I think he deserve a medal. And I'm happy you see where Kai is coming from, he has seen Elsa grow up so he just wants her to safe and happy!
No, English is not my first language, that's Swedish :) However I've been studying English since I was seven and I use it as comfortably as Swedish, it's my second language. The reason I write in English is both to reach more people, but mostly since I find it a lot easier to express myself in English than Swedish. The language has more expressive words than Swedish does when it comes to writing novels and such :) I aslo understand both Norwegian and Danish and speak some German haha ;)
Noctus Fury: Kai and Astrid are characters that are causing so different reactions right now haha! I can really see why you think Kai is getting out of line, but know he only wants to protect Elsa. He as seen her grow up and, just like Mrs. Tomson, he has no family. He just wants to keep her protected. As for Astrid, I will be most curious to see what you say about her after this chapter! ;)
Happy you liked the fluff and Brigitte/Eret! They are cute together! And yes the kiss, it was the only way if could have gone, Hiccup is, like you said, that kind of character!
I really had no idea about that! :D Thank you for sharing, always fun to learn more since I love history! :D
Guest: Thank you, thank you! :D At the current pace, one chap should be published once or twice each week until Christmas, meaning the end will be the christians gift for you all!
The days that followed after the first day of the wedding were filled with lavish feats and tournaments to celebrate the union of Snotlout and Ingrid. A wedding that only lasted for three days or less was seen as a huge disappointment among the Vikings. Therefore, since Snotlout belonged to one of the more prominent families, this wedding was planned for the whole week.
After that first night, neither Hiccup or Elsa managed to get a moment alone, but then again they weren't trying to sneak away either. While Elsa had never said anything, Hiccup knew that she was uncomfortable knowing he hadn't spoken with Astrid and, to be honest, Hiccup felt it the same. It wouldn't be fair to his oldest friend if they weren't on the same page before he considered moving forward with Elsa.
Still this didn't mean they had avoided each other either. When they got the chance, Hiccup and Elsa would sit next to each other and, at times, they would see the other look at them with eyes holding the affection they refused to let out into the open. Though they hoped none of the others noticed, it was clear they couldn't fool either Valka, Gobber or Fishlegs.
When Ingrid had begged Elsa to teach them the waltz, Elsa had given after some time. When she had, Fishlegs had offered to assist her when she needed to show the Vikings a special move or the poise. While most of his friends teased him about taking the opportunities to get close to her, she was simply extremely grateful. Elsa had spoken to him about her and Hiccup's situation and he had been a happy support.
Fishlegs had told her he understood why they had chosen to keep a distance to each other at the moment and, thanks to his knowledge of their secret, he and Elsa had gotten closer as friends. He was someone she could talk to and joke around with, often with the result of a sour look from Hiccup's direction. Not that she cared, it was good to have someone to confine in.
To Elsa's pleasant surprise, all the Vikings had turned out to be eager students, even if Tuff and Ruff complained about everything they could come up with. Today they were having their third lesson and Elsa was happy to see all the Vikings were all starting to get the hang of the pace and poise.
Though she had to admit seeing the big burly men trying to dance around gracefully was quite entertaining. It had been especially funny when Gobber had decided to join in, soon noticing that his wooden leg was very much in the way.
"I don't understand how you can stand so straight all of the time, I'm hurting my back!" A woman named Smarttail suddenly exclaimed angrily, letting let go of Tuffnut who was her partner. The short woman was a friend of Ingrid and had been irritated ever since Ruff had been paired up with Fishlegs and Brigitte with Eret.
"It's because you are not relaxing your shoulders." Elsa replied to her calmly, having gotten even more used to Vikings temperament the last few days Berk.
"And how am I supposed to relax when he is almost a head taller than me?!" Smarttail asked angrily, pointing to Tuff who gave her a small glare.
"Hey! If you can't handle the height of a Viking worrier, you're need to grow a bit more!" He replied, Smarttail sending him a glare that amazingly made him cover a little.
"I demand another partner!" She shouted, Elsa sighing.
"There is no need, it has nothing to with the height." She answered, the other woman still glaring at her.
"If it's so easy why don't you show it?" Smarttail replied.
"Fine, I will show you. Chief Haddock will you give me a hand?" The words left her before she had much time to reflect upon them. In that moment, she was just a teacher and Hiccup was the only one tall enough compared to herself to echo the difference between Smarttail and Tuff.
But when she looked at him where he was standing next to his mother against the wall, the grin on his face disappeared as a flash of emotion flew over his face. It was over in less than a second, but it was enough to remind her of how close they soon would be and to make her blood run faster for each step he got closer.
"Don't you dare step on my toes." She told him when he reached her, everyone in the room chuckling as he sent her a small glare.
"I'll be careful." He answered, and when he took her hand and placed his hand on her waist, his touch was feather light. Elsa was suddenly extremely aware of the fact that everyone was watching them. She also remembered why she had insisted that Anna or Rapunzel paired up with Hiccup during the few lessons they had given the Vikings back in Arendelle.
Even back then, when she was oblivious still to her attraction to him, she had been affected by him. She had felt how his warmth invaded her, left sensations behind. But now, now it was on a different level entirely. She tried to keep her voice normal when she spoke, even though she could feel how his hand burned trough her thin dress and made her wish he would draw her closer.
Looking up into his eyes, she had to fight getting lost in them and the moment as he guided her over the floor. Overall, the dance was extremely short, only a few steps across the floor in the Great hall. But when they stopped, it took them a second too long to let go off each other and Hiccup smiled down at her a moment to close the end.
Despite both being masters of concealment, they were no longer able to hide everything. Even the most oblivious fool could see there was something between them and the tension in the Great Hall caused a heavy silence to fill the room as everyone watched the contrasting pair. Only Valka, Gobber and Fishlegs had a knowing look in their eyes, while Brigitte looked between them confused before an excited smile spread over her face and she whispered something to Eret.
Elsa could only assume it had to with them since a smug smile spread over Eret's face as he looked between her and Hiccup.
Then a loud bang finally broke the silence as like a small bomb as the front doors flew open. The sudden sound made all of them jump, only to see that Astrid was suddenly nowhere to be seen. In silence, everyone watched how their Chef sent Queen Elsa a look they couldn't read. Apparently though the Queen could, for she nodded to him before he turned and ran after their friend.
"Now is this a lesson or a staring contest? Back to your partners." Queen Elsa's firm voice broke the silence, leaving no room for arguments. Not that anyone really knew what to say, they were all still too confused over what they had seen.
"You know; you teach us the dances of your people, but what would you say about us teaching you some of ours?" Valka asked, having walked up next to Elsa. "It's only fair that we give something back." She added, seeing the Queen's surprised look.
"I would like that very much." Elsa answered, her mind happy for any distraction she could get.
Astrid was fuming on the inside when she rushed trough the Village down to the arena. The urge to destroy something was still strong as she thought about Hiccup and Queen-doll-face, they were disgustingly obvious!
As she threw up the door into the room where the Vikings kept their gear, she knew her anger was a way of protecting her from the hurt she could feel underneath it. She had known Hiccup and Elsa felt something for each other, but she had never seen the extent of it. Before it had just been looks and occasional smiles, but only now did she realize how deep their feelings were.
They weren't just attracted to each other, that they had been able to hide, they were in love.
She couldn't understand when it had happened. In Arendelle she had been sure to never leave them alone and she had thought that when they left, they were still only feeling a pull to the other. But somehow, they must have kept on developing their feelings.
Thinking back now, Astrid realized how stupid she had been. Hiccup's depression after they had returned to Berk had been far more than simple sadness over a crush, it had been deeper. Astrid had hoped he would forget Elsa with time, that he would come back to her if she showed him she still loved him, but he had already been lost to her.
And that knowledge hurt. It hurt her that he had fallen back into his shell when Elsa wasn't there. She hated that he had had a new longing in his eyes, a new pain, that had disappeared when Elsa returned. It had made her jealous that Elsa apparently gave him something she couldn't give, for she truly didn't know what the other woman had offered.
Her jealousy had only grown since she and Elsa were so different. It had made her jealous to see Hiccup come to life when he knew Elsa would come and when Elsa had asked about him on their journey to Berk it had become too much.
In her denial, jealousy and hope, Astrid had "forgotten" to tell Elsa about the bedding and when she had been whisked away by Ingrid on her return, it had been too late to make it right. She had known what she did was wrong and since she had seen Elsa rush out of the Great Hall in distress she had also felt extremely guilty. In the moment Astrid had remembered that Elsa was also a foreign Queen and that she could have destroyed any good relation between Berk and Arendelle.
It also pained her that despite everything, Astrid couldn't despise Elsa either. She was a kind soul and an extremely powerful woman who had walked against all norms in her society to rule as Queen. And for those reasons Astrid respected her, no matter how much she hated to admit it.
With a more fierce pull than usual she picked up Stormfly's saddle and, finally having gathered all the gear, Astrid turned around only to freeze mid step. Hiccup was standing in the doorway, blocking the way out, and Astrid felt herself go a little cold.
Over the last few days she had avoided him like the plague. She had seen him and Elsa return together after the Queen had stormed out of the Great Hall and they had been glowing at each other. She had seen that despite their difference, things between them had changed.
But she had also known that this meant Hiccup knew she hadn't told Elsa about the wedding, so each time he had tried to approach her she had managed to slip away. Astrid knew she wouldn't be able to see the hurt and betrayal in his eyes, but even worse was knowing that he would tell her those fatal words.
She knew he wanted to talk about their relationship and she knew that it was not about them getting back togehter. She knew this and still she didn't want to hear it. She knew his feelings for Elsa, she knew things had changed, and still she didn't want things to change.
She didn't want to lose him. Granpabi had told her she would "through a choice made" and Hiccup had made a choice away from her.
"You're blocking the way." She therefore said, doing her best to sound calm as he simply looked at her with those green eyes that over the years had come to see right through her.
"I need to talk to you." He replied calmly, but there was an edge in his eyes that told him he was not so calm on the inside.
"You'll have to do it another time, I'm busy and I need to get going." She answered, moving forward as she hoped she could go past him, but Hiccup simply blocked her way and took the saddle from her. An easy feat since she was not really fighting him. "Give it back!" She snapped to him, but he only put it away, still looking calm.
"Astrid, we need to talk about the fact that you didn't tell Queen Elsa about the bedding." Hiccup told her with a firm voice and suddenly the betrayal was clear in his eyes. Seeing the emotion, she so had feared, Astrid felt even more ashamed than before. It was like a dark poison inside.
He had trusted her fully; she knew he had. He had always trusted her. But despite her shame, the mere mention of Elsa made the dark monster of jealousy and fear awaken inside.
"I forgot to tell her." She answered, shrugging her shoulders while she looked at him as neutrally as she could.
"You forgot?" Hiccup repeated, the calm anger getting on her nerves. Hiccup had never been one to explode, but this reminded Astrid of Elsa's own calm and collected anger. When had he changed?
"Yes, I forgot!" She snapped. "It was a lot to tell her and I happened to forget. How could I know she would get so upset?!" She said, seeing the anger finally starting to break through in Hiccup.
Good.
"Don't lie! You knew! I trusted you to tell her!" Hiccup snapped back. "I know you have a problem with Elsa, but I still trusted you!" He shouted at her, but Astrid didn't focus on her guilt and self-hatred. Instead she focused on how he had said Elsa's name.
"So she is Elsa now?! Or do you have any other words of affection you share when you're alone?!" She asked him mockingly, her words not getting the reaction she had thought. Instead of more anger, Hiccup suddenly looked at her with sad eyes.
"Astrid…" He began but she interrupted him.
"NO! I don't want to hear it!" She screamed, the fear taking over taking over as she tried to reach the door. She couldn't lose him to Miss Doll-face, she couldn't.
But she didn't reach it since Hiccup got in the way.
"I'm done with you leaving, you need to hear me out!" Hiccup told her, taking a hold of her shoulders to stop her while Astrid glared up at him.
In that moment, she could see how much he hated himself for hurting her. She could see the hurt mix with his anger. But she hated him even more for him knowing her so well, for knowing she still felt something for him.
"I said I don't want to talk about it!" She snapped, pushing his hands away so she could put some distance between them.
"Well for once you can't do whatever you want!" Hiccup snapped back at her, his green eyes flaring up while Astrid felt how the anger, jealousy and fear became too much.
"Okay fine! You want to talk?! How about we begin with you telling me when you turned your sights to the perfect Queen?! For you told me that you didn't know what everyone saw in her! Did you lie to me?! Have you been sneaking around behind my back?!" Astrid screamed at him.
"Of course not!" Hiccup exclaimed angrily.
"So when did you do it? When you found out how powerful she truly is or how much riches she has?" Astrid screamed.
"Are you actually saying I would be with anyone for their wealth?!" Hiccup screamed back at her, taking a step closer with eyes that burned her, but she stood her ground.
"I'm asking you when you choose her!" Astrid shouted, expecting him to scream back at her, but instead the anger suddenly seemed to leave him. Instead he took a step back and he took a deep breath as his eyes turned torn.
"I don't know." Hiccup told her quietly, Astrid staring at him. Stunned at his answer and honesty.
"What?! What do you mean you don't know? If you've been sneaking around with her, you must know when you chose her!" She screamed at him, feeling the insecurity rise within. He had chosen Elsa. Grandpabi had said a choice could take him away from her and he had chosen the Queen. It had to be this. It had to!
"We haven't snuck around; I've never even kissed her." Hiccup answered harshly, sending her a glare before his expression turned softer. "I honestly I don't know when I stared to notice her differently. I didn't choose to start feel anything at all. She just snuck up on me, slowly like frost and one day… One day she was just there and there was no choice to be made. I already…"
He trailed off, looking away from her, but Astrid had already seen the emotion he didn't say. Although she had seen it before, although she had known, it still hit her like a fist in the stomach.
"You love her." She whispered, Hiccup sending her a pained look but he didn't say anything. He knew he didn't need to. He knew she could see it; he knew she knew.
"I've waited for you more than two damn years Hiccup!" Astrid exploded, finally allowing the hurt to well up. "I know I haven't shown it, but I've never seen myself with anyone else! I never wanted to lose you and when I finally feel ready to try you have chosen another!" She screamed.
"That's not true! I never turned my sights to Elsa, I didn't choose her over you!" Hiccup shouted back, the frustration clear. "Don't you think we've tried to get rid off any affection between us?! Why do you think I left her in Arendelle?! We know it's impossible for us to be togehter, but we didn't choose this! It just happened! And even if it hadn't, you and I wouldn't have gotten back together." He told her, his eyes sad.
"You can't say that! We were trying to find our way; we just need some more time!" Astrid replied, knowing herself that her words weren't entirely true. She had barely about them together until she had realized she might lose him.
"Astrid we haven't spoken about our relationship in almost two years! This is the first time! We've never talked about a future together; we've even been planning our lives as anything but a couple! Neither of us ever tired to go back, not until you noticed that things were starting to change." Hiccup answered, Astrid hating that he knew her so well.
She didn't want to admit the truth and the truth was that Hiccup was right.
"You don't know that, we might have been planning differently but we were still…" She began, knowing she was grasping for air and she didn't argue when Hiccup interrupted her.
"No we weren't." He said firmly, sighing as he looked at her with sad eyes. "I love you Astrid, I always will but I've changed; we both have. I'm not the young man who wanted nothing but adventure, to travel the world and never settle down anywhere. I still want freedom, but I have to look after the tribe. I'm not free to leave them and I know this is my place to be. I've always been torn, an outsider, but I haven't felt like that in a while and I no longer want to. I want to settle down."
"You mean; you want a family?" Astrid asked him, seeing the answer clearly in his eyes.
"I do, not right now, but unlike two years ago, I have come to accept my role as Chief. It has changed me; I still want freedom to travel at times but I no longer feel like I need to search for a place to fit in. I feel like I can finally focus on Berk and I need someone who is on the same page." He told her.
"You mean I won't be able to focus on Berk?" Astrid snapped, Hiccup giving her a small smile.
"I know you would, but are you ready to sacrifice a part of your life for them? To give up the freedom of going wherever you want whenever you want to? Are you ready to put them first no matter what? To start a family and give up your role as shield maiden? Are you ready to be a leader and a mother to the tribe?" He asked her as she stared at him.
At the mere thought of children Astrid felt her stomach turn. She wasn't ready for that and she was not ready to settle down; there was still so much she wanted to do! In fact, she didn't know if she wanted children at all! She was not the motherly type, she had no patience with tiny humans and she couldn't imagine tackling all the problems of the tribe. The one that was connected to dragons and defending Berk sure, but not the others.
When she and Hiccup had courted she had never needed to think about this. All they had needed to focus on was finding new dragons, explore the world and protect the tribe. As the Chief's wife she would get another position, she would still be allowed to fight, but she wouldn't be free to leave when she wished. She would be bond to the people and she didn't want that, not yet. Perhaps not ever.
So no matter how much she hated to admit it, they had changed and things were different. She felt her heart ache painfully knowing she couldn't be happy living that life, neither one of them would. Hiccup was not the same, they didn't want the same things.
"Elsa will never settle down here." She said, seeing the troubled expression on Hiccup's face.
"I know; I'll never ask her to, but I think we can solve it somehow. We're still figuring things out for we both know we won't be happy apart." He told her.
"You know I still love you." She replied, Hiccup looking at her with sad eyes.
"I know and if dad hadn't died I think we would still be together. We didn't think life would take us here, I never wanted to be Chief so quickly, but I did and it forced me to see things differently. Just like I never wanted to fall in love, it just happened." He told her.
It was the first time he had said it, that he loved Elsa. Hearing him say it, Astrid just knew there really was no going back. It hadn't been for some time and if she didn't let him go, he would still leave. She had seen him turn into a shell and now he was back full of life. There was a fire in him again, one that hadn't been there for so long.
And just like that, Astrid knew she had gotten it all wrong. Grandpabi had told her a choice could take him away from her or keep him in her life. The choice had never been Hiccup's or Elsa's, it was hers.
For a moment, all she wanted to do was scream, shout and go berserk. She wanted to tell Hiccup that Elsa was not worthy of his love and that he should pick her instead, that she could change. She wanted him to stay! But he wouldn't.
She could remind him of all the problems and difficulties being with Elsa would bring. She could plead with him to stay with her, to chose her and if he did, they could never be happy. He would always long for Elsa, he would always love her and wonder. Astrid herself would be thrown into a life she wasn't ready for; a game she didn't want to play.
It hurt her to realize the truth, that Grandpabi had been talking about this very moment. The moment where she had to chose between letting him go, or force him to stay. She had thought for so long that getting back together was the way she would keep him in her life, but it wasn't. He hadn't been alive for so long until he met Elsa and he had regressed when she was away. If she kept them apart he would not stay with her, she would lose the man who was her best friend and she couldn't do that.
So no matter how much she wanted to make him stay, that she didn't want him to be with Elsa, she knew what was more important. She wanted him to be happy, she never wanted him to be "just alive" again.
And if that meant she had to let go him, that was what she would do. If they were happiest as friends, that was what they would be. Having Hiccup in her life was better than losing him.
After all, that was what this had been all about.
"Have you told Elsa about your dad?" Astrid therefore asked him, his silence and guilty expression giving her the answer. "Then you should tell her, you have to be honest with her. Even if you hate to talk about it, she cannot be with you if she doesn't know about that."
At her words, he looked at her with surprise before his face broke into a smile. While his eyes were suddenly alive again, they were still sad for he knew what she doing. She was giving him up, she was giving him and Elsa her permission.
"You're right. Thank you." He answered, Astrid giving him a sad smile.
"I'm always right." She replied, hitting him on the arm as he chuckled, opening his arms. For a second she hesitated before she walked into his arms and gladly accepted his comfort. Breathing in his scent one last time, she had to fight the tears. This was not her losing him, this was a new beginning for them, she just knew it.
And with the conviction she was right, she felt how a weight lifted from her shoulders. She hadn't even been aware of it until now and, feeling more free than she had for years, she was the first to draw back.
"I also want to say how sorry I am for breaking your trust, I feel horrible. I just…" But Hiccup just smiled down at her, putting his arm around her as they started walking back towards the Great Hall.
"You know; I have been suffering of memory loss of late. I have these bits and pieces I forget and I have no memory of that. If you never remind me of it, I don't think I ever will either." He simply told her and she felt how extremely luckily she was to have him in her life.
She knew he was letting her go easily and she knew she didn't deserve it, but she also knew he had told her to never break his trust again.
And she never would.
When they once again entered the Great Hall though, their focus shifted quickly as they both stopped to stare in shock at Tuffnut. The man was running around with a small chubby snowman that was holding onto his leg, refusing to let go.
"Get him off! I'm being hurt; I'm being very much hurt! Get him off!" He shouted, the rest of the group inside just watching with huge smiles. A few even started laughing when the snowman started to climb up Tuff's leg.
"What is going on here?" Astrid asked Valka who was watching the spectacle with Eret and Brigitte. Looking at her, Valka smiled.
"Tuff and Smarttail got into a fight again, though this time Tuff refused to continue dancing with her. So the Queen gave him a new partner." Valka said, both of them now watching how Hiccup walked up to Elsa and Gobber who were standing across the room.
"By creating a snowman? That's actually quite funny." Astrid answered, seeing how Hiccup was staring at Elsa with disbelief before he smiled. He then said something that caused her blush and hit him on the arm. Their interaction was so simple and easy that it was impossible to miss the love between them. They looked happy and alive, something Elsa hadn't done the first time Astrid met her, and something Hiccup hadn't done since Stoick's death.
Seeing them together, Astrid knew, without a doubt, that she had made the right decision. She would help them if she could, for Hiccup deserved to be happy.
"It is quite funny and we were all quite surprised." Valka replied. "But his name is a bit strange." She added, looking at the snowman who somehow had managed to climb up on Tuff's back.
"What is it?" Astrid asked, seeing how Hiccup leaned down and told Elsa something. Nodding her head, they both quietly walked away through the back door.
"Fluffly Snowball." Valka replied, frowning a little at the horrible name while Astrid shook her head.
"And they think we're strange." She replied, laughing when the chubby snowman reached up to give Tuff a kiss on the cheek.
Poor Astrid, my heart aches for her! I love her as a character and she really just did what is so easy to do, she misinterpreted what Grandpabi said and, luckily, she realized what he meant before it was too late. But it also really show that in the end, just like he said to Hiccup, it all comes down to our choices and sometimes, no matter what we do, the choices of others affects us in ways we cannot control.
So what do you think of her? And what will happen next. I think someone wants to tell Elsa about her past! And what about the appearance of Fluffy?! I love that little snowman!
Until next time!
/Lysistrate