CH 7 Lonely and Scared

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OFFICERS CLUB

Kate wanders the halls finally seeing something different. Somehow she found the small officer's club her and Kirk ate at just a few short hours ago. Kate opens the door like she has seen Kirk do a million times. Kate walks across the room to the large bar against the back wall. She runs her fingertips gingerly along the top circling around to the back and the booze. At twelve, she has tried wine, beer, and liquor but always under strict supervision. Kate gets a smile thinking about the times Han let her take a sip of whatever he was drinking. Most of the time is was too bitter for her taste. He would laugh as her face scrunched up swallowing it. Kate never understood why adults would drink the bitter beverages but she did enjoy watching how happy it made Han, Wedge, and Booster during their poker games. She wants to feel that way. She wants the crushing sadness in her chest to be gone if only for a minute. "Oh my God what am I going to do," she says to herself. Kate sets several shot glasses and three clear bottles of alcohol on the bar. She walks around to the bar stools taking a seat. She slowly pours twelve shots lining them up. Kate has no idea how much it will take to get her drunk but Han and his friends drink all night so they have to drink at least this much or more. Kate's hand shakes as she drinks the first one. The liquid burns her throat making her eyes water. She quickly does two more hoping the calming effects of the alcohol will set in faster the quicker she drinks. Kate picks up the fourth shot staring out the large window at the foreign stars.

"If you defeated the Empire you can find me," Kate says confidently downing the shot. "I just need to give you some time. Kate is starting to feel giggly. It feels good and she does her fifth shot in less than thirty minutes. No wonder why Han likes to drink. Kate lets her mind wander to happier times.

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SECURITY OFFICE

"What do you mean she is not there," Jack demands.

"We had a medical emergency and she must has slipped out," Bones growls. "And don't get mad at me. She got past your guards easy enough. I am a doctor not a warden."

"Jack I need you to do a security sweep," Jim orders. "Kate has left Sick Bay and no one has seen her in the past thirty minutes."

"Fucking fantastic," Jack silently curses.

"Her comm unit was found in turbo 9. The hangar bay and transporter rooms have reported no sign of her but without a comm I am signaling General Quarters," Jim motions to Uhura.

Jack sees the warning lights begin to flash yellow minus the screaming klaxons. "Smart move," Jack compliments Kirk. "If she is hiding she won't see the lights. It could give us an advantage. I will organize a hard target search for her deck by deck."

"Comm the bridge when you find her," Kirk settles back in his Captain's chair. He wants to join the search but knows his duty is here on the bridge. His people will find her and then he and Kate are having a very pointed discussion on following rules.

TEN MINUTES LATER…

"Sir I think we found her," Paulson reports. "She is in the officer's club. Do you wish me to bring her back to Sick Bay?"

"No," Jack says hustling into the nearest turbo. "Let me deal with her just don't let her leave." Jack rapidly punches in the correct floor. He hopes he doesn't have to physically subdue her again. One dislocated shoulder a day is enough. Coming off the turbo Paulson approaches Jack.

"Sir she is in there just looking out the window. The lights are off. She told us to leave her alone and that is when we contacted you," Paulson reports.

"Good work Lt. Just hang out here until further notice," Jack says palming the door open.

Jack sees Kate small form curled up in a chair at the bar. He knows she wants to be alone and doesn't want to scare her so he leaves the lights off as he approaches her. The closer he gets he can hear her crying. His anger fades as sees her tear streaked cheeks and puffy eyes.

"I just wanted to be alone for a little while," Kate explains taking a drink from a bottle. Jack can see the weight of the day in her eyes and body.

"We have been looking everywhere for you Kate," Jack says softly walking up to her. "I'm not sure if your dad told you this but we wear these communicators so that if you get lost someone can help you," Jack attaches it to her shirt. He doesn't bring up the fact that she probably didn't get lost but ran away. The smell of alcohol is overpowering this close to her. Empty peanut bowls and shot glasses litter the bar. Twelve shot glasses lined up in front of her. Eight are empty, four are filled but at this point, she is just drinking out of the bottle.

Kate stares at the man. She remembers him from the transporter room and Sick Bay. "You are O'Neill? Colonel O'Neill?" Kate asks making sure she remembers correctly.

"You have a good memory kid. You can call me Jack." He slides into the seat next to her. "So what are we having Kate? Kool aide, coke, OJ, vodka," he jokes softly pointing to the filled glasses. Kate is a child but sitting here in the dark with her feet curled under her, she looks so much younger than twelve.

Kate is shocked the Colonel has not started yelling at her or tried to take the bottle. She pushes one towards him and looks at the label on the bottle she is holding. "Um… Sumnearoff," she slurs knowing she got it wrong by the look on his face. She picks up another shot and throws back the burning liquid.

Jack follows her lead pulling his lips back into a tight line nodding his approval. "Good choice," he confirms humoring her. He roughly does the calculations based on what he sees. From what he can tell she has drank at least nine shots. She is not drawing as much from the bottle when she drinks it but based on her body weight, she will need medical attention. The only reason she is not passed out now is because she must have downed them rapidly enough they haven't been fully absorbed yet by her body.

Kate's head is swimming. She looks at the label again. "Schmearoff, shumineraoff, Smirnoff," she finally gets it right.

"Yeah it's Smirnoff, but I think you're not quite drinking age there kid," he says reaching slowly for the bottle. "So let's put this over here."

"No," she holds the bottle to her chest. Jack gives her a minute. One more sip won't do any more damage. As she takes a large swig, Jack sees her gagging the clear liquid down. Kate is plastered. They have been looking for her for the past forty-five minutes and Jack guesses she has been drinking the entire time. Kate sloppily fills the two glasses they drank from spilling more than she pours. She points the neck of the bottle at the window as she speaks. "I kriffed up." Jack pulls the bottle from her hand as she tries to gulp down more. It spills down the front of her shirt. Kate doesn't seem to notice. "I mean I really kriffed up," she pulls another bottle from beside her gaging down a drink. Jack takes this bottle also but Kate doesn't fight him. "I used to live there," she laughs, "well somewhere out there." It is not a happy. It is a laugh filled with regret. Jack never took to drinking but he knows many people who did to escape their pain. The anger and frustration he has felt towards her vanishes.

"Oh sweetheart, don't do this," Jack thinks staring at her. He doesn't know her but he knows enough that she doesn't want to be treated like a kid. "So what do you miss the most?"

His question shocks her. She can't say home without breaking down into tears. She licks her lips and changes the topic. "I did this," she whispers.

"You did what," Jack gently prys. They need information so badly about the situation. Jack feels like a schmuck but anything she is willing to share might help save them all.

"I did this and I am kriffing screwed." Kate shifts her focus from the stars to his face. She knows he doesn't care about her. He only wants information. "Can you answer me something honestly?" Kate changes the topic abruptly.

Even in her drunken stupor, Jack can tell Kate is smart: Too smart. Street smart. "I will," he answers.

"Do you know what kriffing means?" Kate's question is simple but loaded. She is testing Jack. He can lie or tell the truth. He needs to establish trust with her.

"It is a derogatory word that means screwed up only more pointed," he answers hoping it will satisfy her.

"What would your word be for it here? You said you would be honest," Kate tilts her head slightly to the side. Kate sees Jack trying to find a way around her question. She just wants one person here to tell the truth. She may not be able to trust Zala Tsu but Zala Tsu was right. They coat everything in sugary lies. "You all want me to be honest but you can't answer a simple question," she rolls her eyes snaking a bottle for another drink.

"Fuck. It translates to fuck but don't use it," Jack informs her taking a second bottle from her. Jack sees her look like she is about to be sick but Kate takes a deep breath steading herself. Jack begins to worry about how much booze she has consumed. His initial thought was to take her back to Jim's quarters but now knows she has to go to Sick Bay. For all he knows she could have alcohol poisoning.

"Fucked…fucked up…fucking…fucks," Kate lets the words roll off her tongue melodically.

"Kate…enough," Jack says sharper than he intends. He takes the last bottle and moves them far from her reach. Kate recoils sharply. His boys have the same reaction when he speaks like this. Kate clearly has some adult caregiver in her life and it is not the Jedi.

"Do you know the stars colonel?" Kate says in a dream like tone.

"Tell me how you screwed up?" Jack asks gently. If he can get her talking, she will probably tell him everything he needs to know.

Kate ignores his attempt to ask her a question. "I know the ones at home but the sky here is so alien," Kate shudders. "I am looking for Corell. It is a yellow star and the primary star of the Corellian system. The Corellian system has seven planets and five of which people live on." Kate's voice hitches and she sniffs wiping her nose on her sleeve. Maybe if she describes it Jack will know of the system. Jack sees why she did not leave this spot. By design, the Enterprise does not have many windows. Here, the bridge, mess hall, rec deck 6, and the observation platform are the only real windows on the ship. Jack makes a mental note that she finds comfort looking at the stars. They will be the first places he looks the next time she comes up missing.

If Jack can get her up, she will be easier to get out of the room. "Let's get a better look," he says offering her his hand nodding at the large window.

"Please don't touch me," Kate presses back into her chair. "What about Coruscant Prime or Ottega?" Kate begins to rapid name stars that Jack has never heard of. "Kuat, Y'toub, Kashyyyk, Cirius, the Bilbringi Shipyards," Kate chokes back a sob remembering places she will never see again. "I just want one."

"Maybe we can see them," Jack wiggles his fingers encouraging her to take his hand. "If we can't find the ones you are looking for I could show you some of ours?"

"No," she snaps angrily. "No I want mine."

"That's going to be hard Kate," Jack confesses. She stares at his outstretched hand like it is a weapon. "It is only a hand honey. That's all," he holds steady waiting for her to make the first move. Kate takes it. His hand feels warm and strong him hers. She slides forward to stand but her legs buckle. "Whoa there kiddo," Jack helps her back in the chair.

"My legs don't seem to work," she actually giggles for the first time Jack is aware of. She instantly grows solemn seeing his half smirk. "Neither does my brain."

"I don't know the stars you named but I bet Sulu or Chekov might," Jack suggests.

Kate knows he is lying. Her home is so far no telescope or camera will ever give her a glimpse of what she is longing for. Kate changes the topic before the tears come. She feels like she has cried enough for a lifetime since boarding the ship. "I am smart," she announces. Jack can see her becoming angry. Kate swipes the shot glasses off the table. "But I was so dumb. Stupid, stupid, stupid," she hits her forehead with her wrists like she is trying to knock some sense into her brain.

"Kate, you're not dumb or stupid and Murray is not going to like it if you make a mess of his bar?" Jack takes her hands gently in his.

"I don't care what Murray wants. Or you or Kirk or Master Zala Tsu," she snarls. A hiccup causes her face to soften.

"Talk to me," Jack encourages. Jack sees Kate is desperate to talk to someone. On a positive note she is mad at the Jedi. Maybe the meeting wasn't such a bad idea.

"What do you want to know colonel sir," Kate gives a salute.

Jack ignores her confrontational attitude. "Why did you come in the first place? Did they trick you into coming?" Jack tries to find out why she is caught up in the middle of this.

"No," she squeals indignantly. "I was needed. I was important."

"For what? A tour guide," Jack's sarcasm comes through enraging Kate. Not one of these men see her as the adult she is.

"Krif," Kate starts but changes her word. "Fuck…fuck you." If she is going to be here, she might as well use the language.

"Hey," Jack snaps trying to keep his temper under control. Maybe they aren't in the stage where he can be sarcastic but she doesn't need to be vulgar.

"Wow I guess I can learn something from here. I can learn to cuss like a Hutt," Kate baits Jack into an argument, which he deftly avoids.

"I was joking about the tour guide thing," he tells her.

Kate's face grows serious. "Want to know another joke?" Jack braces for Kate to lash out at him. "I am in over my head," she whispers like a secret.

"Yes you are." Jack sees Kate likes a direct approach. He is also surprised that underneath the childish tantrums, Kates sees reality. For all her bravado, Kate knows she is on the losing team in this battle. "So you're important to them," he confirms seeing her slowly passing out but still coherent. Jack needs to get his information while she is in her confused state. "Why do they need you?"

"I am in real trouble here Jack," Kate confides in him like Jack knows what is going on. "See I was recruited for this job by them." Jack looks down at his boot feigning as little interest as possible hoping she will continue. Jack looks up as she leans over the bar grabbing a random bottle. He pulls the bottle from her hands. Kate smiles through thin lips as it burns going down. If she can just get enough alcohol she will pass out and forget this place for a little while.

Jack is going to put a stop to her alcohol-induced confession whether she likes it or not. "No more drinking Kate," he says in a paternal tone. "Now go on with your story."

Kate is having a hard time concentrating. She can't move too fast or she loses her balance. Her stomach feels like she is about to vomit but Kate forces herself to pretend like nothing is wrong. Jack is going to make her leave but Kate will try to avoid this for as long as she can. "Okay so the Captain plays this game with me to get me to talk to him. It is twenty questions. Do you know it," Kate asks. Jack nods yes. "But I don't want the truth from you okay. I want you to lie to me in every answer." Kate sets the ground rules.

Jack cocks an eyebrow as he slowly says, "okay." He can't figure out why she is not demanding the absolute truth. "I can lie if you want."

Kate blinks rapidly to stop the tears from falling. "So if you can do that. If you can lie, I will tell you the truth," she restates the rules.

Jack decides to play along to buy some time. "Whatever floats your boat kid. It's a deal."

Kate sniffs brushing away the few tears that have escaped her eyes and are running down her cheeks. "Okay what was your question?"

"Do your parents back home know you're here?" Jack asks handing her a cocktail napkin.

"No," Kate quickly answers before posing her question. "Where is Corell?"

Her question stuns him. It is not about the Jedi or her father. He would have bet money she would have asked that. Jack remembers Kate telling him about the yellow star earlier. He turns in his seat looking at the night sky. He finds a yellow star in the upper right hand corner of the window. "It is right about there. The 2nd star to right," he picks out a random star using the famous line from Peter Pan. Jack turns around thinking the lying requirement is some bizarre game she is playing. He half expects her to lash out but she doesn't. Instead, she smiles forcing a fake grin. Jack is happy to see her smile even if they both know she is faking it. "Why did they need you?" Jack doesn't want to press but so far she has kept her end of the bargain.

"I have to find something. Something important on the ship," she gives Jack a vague answer. He still can't figure her angle. He will give it one more round before ending the game. Her next question shocks him.

"Am I going to be here forever? "She asks.

"No," he answers firmly. Kate's face brightens and she looks like she could hug him. Like an electric shock, Jack understands. Kate is homesick. Kate just wants to feel better. She wants to hear things that will comfort her even if they are all lies. With each question she asks, Jack knows what is tearing her apart. Reality has hit her tonight. Kate has realized this is not a game and the stakes are higher than she was prepared to gamble with.

"I know your next question," Kate offers. It is not part of the initial rules but Jack gives her some leeway.

"Okay what is it?" He asks leaning back in the chair crossing his arms. If Kate allows the tears to blur her vision, Jack could almost look like Han.

"Have I found it?" She looks at the bottles of booze. Kate thought that after 10 shots she would not remember anything but she is wrong. Life is still too clear.

"I was going to ask if it was big or small," he jokes with a wink. Kate huffs a laugh. In another galaxy, she might actually like him.

Kate passes out for the briefest second before answering. "The answer is no. I don't know if it is big or small. Frankly, I am not fucking sure what it is. They said I would know it when I found it."

"I see," Jack nods. He is not sure if he believes Kate or not but has to take her word for now. Kate sits up straighter. She feels the room spin slightly each time she moves. "Your turn Kate," he says politely. He is not going to have to worry about getting her out of here. She will pass out any time now and he can simply carry her.

"Is the captain really my father?" Kate sees Jack's face cloud over. She knows he won't lie to her. "You promised Jack," her voice hitches on each word.

"You drive a hard bargain Kate." She must accept this one reality. "No," Jack snaps hating himself as he says the words. "Just remember the rules. I am only answering in lies."

His violation of the rules enrages her. "Stop it. You promised," Kate lets tears spill over her eyes. "Either play or we can go back to the polite lies and not the truth we are learning about each other now."

Jack chooses not to reminder her he is lying. "Play on then Kate."

Kate doesn't pose a question as much as makes a statement. "He hated my mom so much he threw her out on their trip to Riba," she says in a cross between hiccups and sobs.

Kate just wants to understand and Jack knows that. "Do you really believe that? And it is Risa not Riba Kate," he corrects.

"Risa. Riiiiiiiiissaaaaaaaaa," she draws the word out laying her head on the bar. "This feels cool on my face," she confesses laying her head on the bar. "It feels so good." She closes her eyes briefly.

Jack doesn't care about information right now. "Come on. Let's get you taken care of Kate," he stands ready to help her. They can figure out what the Jedi want without her.

"No," she yells sitting back up. The fast motion makes her sway. Jack places an arm on the side of the chair so she doesn't fall out. "Two more questions each please," she begs. "I have two more and you…you must have a billion." Against his better judgment, Jack decides to try and build some trust with her.

"To more," he holds up his fingers. "Just two more."

Panic floods her at the thought of going back into the bright ship and reality. She rapidly fires off the questions she knows he wants an answer to. "Dontcha wanna to know how we are going to escape? Dontcha wanna know how I will find it? Dontcha wanna know how we found you or about their powers?" Kate slurs words together.

These questions need answers. "Why don't you tell me then?"

Kate goes for the one he may not realize he needs to know. "Don't you want to know why they are just sitting in the brig?" Kate may not care about these people but she does not want to see them get hurt. They have been nice to her when they could have been cruel. "They can get out. You do not have them trapped. I would keep them sedated." Kate sees confusion blur across his face. "That one was for free. What last two answers do you want?"

There is no way Kate is coherent enough to remember what she just said. "First and second," Jack throws out. For some reason Kate is holding up her end of the bargain. Any answer she gives will be more than he had coming in here.

"Secret Jedi skills," she laughs followed by, "it will find me." Her answers are more like riddles than the truth. Jack presses for a more concrete answer. "And how will they escape?" Jack hopes he can just get her talking again.

"Again…secret Jedi skills," she responds before growing serious. She toys with a shot glass still on the bar. "Will you kill them?"

Jack will not lie. She needs to know the stakes. "If they try to escape or hurt someone then yes," Jack levels a steady gaze on her. "And I am not lying with that answer. Any more like that and you will get the truth."

"Am I going to like living here?" Kate chokes out.

She begins to cry as Jack lies. Kate is back to needing comfort from silly questions. "No. I mean who would like living with kids your age on a ship exploring the galaxy. It will be a totally crappy life." Jack hopes his use of sarcasm helps her.

"I like it here," she gestures around the bar. "It is dark and cold and no one can find me." Kate raises an eyebrow. "How did you find me here without this communication thingy?"

"Well the ship is only so big. We were worried when you left Sick Bay. Paulson found you?" Jack gives her a small smile. "We were checking every room and he got lucky. You scared a lot of people Katherine," he gently lectures.

"Can you make me a promise Colonel?" Kate asks timidly.

"Yes but it depends. I can't go against the Captain," Jack avoids using the word Dad.

"Don't tell my dad you found me here?" The use of dad by Kate shocks him until she continues to speak. "Han would kill me if he caught me drinking. He will also be pissed off at how I have been acting. And the language," Kate whistles. "Even he gets into trouble for the stuff I am saying."

Jack has to get Kate used to calling Jim dad. It has only been a day so he makes a concession. "I won't tell Jim or Han I promise."

Kate's anger flares. ""He wouldn't fucking care but Han would. Han would make me apologize. The Captain," her voice begins to hitch as she speaks.

"The Captain does care. He cares that you are safe," Jack explains. He sees Kate shaking as she cries silently. "Come here kid," Jack opens his arms leaning forward.

Kate hates that she needs this. "No," she says as her body moves forward into his arms. She lays her head on his chest listening to his heart. Jack holds her for a minute. She is so still Jack thinks she has passed out. Kate feels him try to lift her. "No…wait," she begs pressing harder into his body.

"Kate we can't stay here all night," Jack reasons.

"For one more second please," she asks in a watery voice. Jack can tell she is going to break down. "Can I pretend…since we are lying…that you are Han?" Kate feels him stiffen slightly but she presses the point. "For one minute in the dark. So I can't see the truth. So I don't have to face reality. Just one minute please and then I will go. I won't fight or beg or cry if you give me one minute." Kate takes Jack's stunned silence for approval. "I am sorry I left," she confesses to her imaginary Han Solo. "I miss you. I will never do this again. I will find it and end the war," she is breathing heavy now. Jack can tell she is struggling to get through this. He reaches up running a hand over her hair. Kate knows it is not Han but wills it to be so. Her heart breaks as she whispers. "Please kiss me good bye Dad. I want to come home. I will to come home but I will be okay here for now. Don't worry alright." Jack feels her body shake with sobs as he kisses her head. She tightens her grip on him desperate to maintain the illusion. He holds her until her grip begins to loosen.

Jack wishes he could say or do something to make this easier. He doesn't lie to her anymore. "It'll be okay in time Kate. I promise. You are going to be fine." Jack tilts her head back realizing she has passed out. He scoops her up carrying her to Sick Bay.

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SICK BAY

"Kate," Jim yells rushing towards the door as Jack carries her in. "Jack what happened? Kate? Kate honey," Jim brushes the hair from her face. "Was it the Jedi?" Kirk's mind races. He knows they had something to do with her fainting early.

"Put her on the bed," McCoy orders pulling out a tricorder.

"Don't move me so fast," Kate mumbles waking up hearing voices.

"Okay honey we are almost there," Jack assures her. "We found her in the officers' club drinking. Paulson actually found her. He commed me but she had been there a while."

"Colonel…Colonel," Kate's voice hitches before vomiting all down the front of his shirt. "I think I am going to be sick," she says after the fact.

As the hot liquid sprays the front of his shirt, Jack acts as if it is no big deal. Although it is not his favorite part of parenthood, his boys before have vomited on him before. "Come on Kate, let's get you taken care of," Bones whispers softly as Jack passes Kate to Jim. Jim barely gets Kate to the bed before she begins to throw up a second time. Bones has the trashcan ready.

"Kouzago-ake cokha (sorry dad)," Kate manages finally noticing Jim as she throws up. "Shouldn't you be on the bridge? Why is the ship spinning?"

"Jesus how much did she drink," Jim demands. He helps steady her as Bones replaces her shirt with a clean one. Bones balls up the vomit covered one throwing it in the laundry.

"Hunto in ting jojoba. Wa jakola (eight maybe twelve. A lot)," Kate confesses with her face in the trashcan. It gives her voice a slight echo.

"Enough. She had about another hour before every system in her body shut down from alcohol poisoning," Bones grumbles reading the results from the tricorder. "Chapel I need 5 cc's of Dihydromyricetin, Morathial, and Formazine." Bones rapidly injects her with the drug concoctions and re-scans her.

Jim realizes Kate is using the secret Jedi language. "Kate, speak English not Jedi," Kirk asks her laying a cold rag on the back of her neck.

His comment makes her erupts in laughter. "Jedi don't have a secret language silly. It is the great and mighty Huttese I speak," Kate tries to imitate the deep baritone of the slug like creatures. As the anti-intoxicant begins to work, Kate starts to feel giggly and happy. "We Hutts are the superior race of the galaxy compared to you puny humans." Kate falls into a fit of giggles. She has never understood why Hutt's thought they were so great.

"So what are you giving her? I know Dihydromyricetin but what is the rest?" Jim questions ignoring Kate's rambling. The street term for Dihydromyricetin is Purge or Sobe-up. Aside from abdominal cramping, this drug is a miracle for people who needed to sober up fast. He becomes concerned though that Bones ordered more drugs. Sobe-Up always worked by itself for him when he was younger.

It takes every ounce of self-control for Bones to remain calm. This is precisely why they don't allow family in emergency rooms. ""Formazine is a stimulant and Morathial is used to treat shock," Bones explains softer remembering Jim is new at this parenting thing. "She had so much alcohol in her system I was worried about renal failure but she should be fine. Her vitals are improving."

"She will be okay though right," Jim's face is etched with concern. Bones can see Jim needs words stronger than should be.

"Yes but with a hell of a hangover and stomach cramps. The Neodextraline and Polynutrient Solution Restorative will help with the dehydration. She should be coming around in a couple of minutes," Bones promises preparing the IV.

"Wow aside from the sad dip and vomiting…Smirnoff aint that bad," Kate sits up quickly. The Sobe-Up is working but Kate is still drunk as hell. Her sitting up so quickly causes her to lose balance.

"So is the kid okay, aside from being drunker than a skunk," Jack asks coming out of the bathroom in a clean shirt. Her giggles are making him smile out of frustration. He wants to kill her but is glad she is fine.

Kate hears Jack's voice and tries to get up causing the room to spin. "Fuck me," Kate says laughing as Jim helps her to regain her balance. "That Vulcan can't fly worth a damn. You seriously let him fly the ship. Where did he get his pilot's license, the Drunken Mynock School of Instruction?" Kate gets a very serious expression. "I can't feel my face," Kate pokes at her cheek. "Is that normal?"

"Just sit down Kate," Jim orders. Maybe all the years Bones babysat him after drinking at the academy weren't so much fun.

"Blue you have a twin in Red 'cept he can be a di'kut," She laughs feeling more alert and clear-headed.

Bones and Jim notice for the first time Jack is in a blue medial shirt instead of read. "I needed a shirt," Jack defends himself. "My last one met with an unfortunate accident."

"Oh you don't know what I am saying. And I don't know how to translate it," Kate laughs in a sing-songy voice. She leans towards Jim as if to tell him a secret. "Blue's twin brother Red is a great drinking buddy. We did shots and everything. Taught me kriff means fuck." Kate nods like she has learned something of value.

Jim's head snaps around to Jack. "We were playing twenty questions. She said you said we had to be honest," Jack gestures widely.

"Oh leave Blue alone. I like him better than Red. He has a nice smile," Kate compliments grinning. She turns her attention to Jim. "So do you but you have better eyes. Mom was right. They are the most amazing blue eyes I have ever seen." Kate stares into them mesmerized. "They are calming like the ocean. They denote trust. That was the first thing I noticed about you in the transporter room. I felt safe when I looked into them. Like I do with my dad…Han…um," she confides. Whatever drug they have given her has worked. Kate is sober again. The events for the day come flooding back. Her face grows solemn. "I am so so sorry. I just…wanted to forget reality." Kate bites her lip closing her eyes. Jim sees she is holding back tears. Her voice cracks as she begins her apology. "Ha…Han drinks sometimes. It makes him happy." Kate opens her eyes staring at Jim. "I wanted to be happy. You were right. The Jedi don't care about me." They now know partially why she went back to visit the Jedi alone. She was scared and looking for comfort. It is obvious by her drinking binge they provided none and made it worse. Jim brushes a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "I only wanted to go somewhere I could think in private. I am sorry for any trouble I caused you and your crew."

"Shhh," Jim soothes her. For the first time in his life he understands when parents say that they will love their kids no matter what. "We can talk about it later." Kate's face contorts in pain. She wraps both hands around her stomach.

"Bones," Jim looks at his friend for assistance. If Kate was older or had done this on purpose, McCoy would have let her deal with the cramps as a side effect of Sobe-Up; however, he can't put her through any more pain today. Bones gives her 5cc's of Acinolyathin for the stomach cramping. Jim helps her settle back in the bed. Both Bones and Jack leave them alone drawing the privacy screen around her bed.

"I don't know where she is? Your wife I mean," Kate shares sinking into the soft, cold pillow. It feels so good to lie down and not have the room spin.

"We can discuss that later," Jim soothes her running his fingers through her hair.

"We separated years ago when I was a kid," Kate continues.

Since Kate is pushing the topic, Jim will listen. "Where did you get separated," Jim inquires softly. Lauren losing Kate is more logical that just abandoning her.

"Doesn't matter that was long ago and I survived," Kate shuts down. For some reason she does not want Jim to know anything about her mom.

"It matters to me," he pleads hoping for a more definitive answer from Kate.

Kate is not ready to open up to him. "I have a great family," she wipes a tear away thinking about them. "It's not that I don't like you but I love them." Kate tries to make Kirk see why she can't be his daughter.

Kirk sees this conversation going nowhere. "Go to sleep. We don't have to worry about this now," Kirk says gently.

"We'll get breakfast in the morning. I'll buy and even let you do that crazy Sky River thing where eat half of mine," Jim jokes with a smile.

"Good cause I have no money but I will pay you back," Kate offers. Jim sees she is dead serious.

"You don't have to pay for food. It's free to crew members," Jim explains wondering if that is why she is not eating.

"But, I am not crew," Kate says defiantly.

"But you're my kid so you count," Jim says firmer than he intends. Kirk knows how hard it is for her but she needs to understand what is going on. She is his daughter. Even if there was a way for her to go back home she isn't going. Jim wouldn't send any kid back into a society that trains its children as soldiers. Jim may not like the idea of being an instant father but he will take responsibility for his actions. Regardless of what he plans to do with Kate, he will not make her think any of it is her fault.

"Please stop. No more okay," Kate stares at his eyes.

"Go to sleep then," Kirk pulls the blanket up around her neck. He smiles as she follows the first direction he has given her since she arrived. He knows it is out of pure exhaustion and not willingness. Not thinking, Kirk leans down to kiss Kate goodnight but stops stiffly. As a father, kissing your kid before bed it normal but he can't bring himself to do it. He is not even sure if Kate would let him. Jim decides to give it sometime and walks to Bones office.

.